Last Words

Brenda’s Blog – September 9, 2025

“Wasn’t that a beautiful service? I took notes.”

I chuckled as I overheard the elevator conversation between two “golden agers.” We had all attended the memorial service of a prominent member of our community.

Recently, some of my coffee time friends and I laughed about the cycle of life. “When our girls were younger, I took notes on weddings adding ideas for theirs when the time came. As I sat in a memorial service last year I thought, “Oh, I would like that for my service.” I guess most of us are planners to the end – and beyond.

A friend said she reads obituaries for ideas. She jots down phrases which fit into her “picture perfect” last words for the back page of the program whose layout is a “best of” collection.

“Curated” is a word which describes the gathering of items, ideas, furniture, and even groups. At this stage of life it aptly describes the way we prepare for the way we are presented to those left behind. “I want to make sure my service, my obituary, and all the arrangements are just what I want. I don’t want anyone else deciding how it should be done.” As if she is going to be sitting on the front row!

Very few of the residents of my community grew up here (nor did I). Our friendships began at retirement age. We know little of their life stories, accomplishments, and journeys until we read the obituaries. “I wish I had known him/her when they were younger. I had no idea of those stories.” How much we missed.

Capturing a lifetime in a few expensive newspaper paragraphs is impossible. But it does cause us to think carefully about what really matters. What do we want people to know, remember, or understand? Where are the important steps and starts? Where are the points of grace?

Let’s think about those answers.

Entering the Throne Room

Weekly Thought – September 2, 2025

(On September 1, 1915 Fred was born to Mathew Bunyan and Amye Smith 110 years ago.)

Fred demonstrated the power of prayer. He believed in it and practiced it diligently. Prayer was also very private for him. A lifetime memory for his children is seeing him on his knees beside their bed before sleep. He faithfully followed the habit taught by his parents. The image of humility was permanently affixed. Mary Alice carefully noted her earnest requests for her family, their safety, their security, and their “sanctification.”

Entering the Throne Room

Prayer is both marvelous and mysterious. How marvelous hat a sinner saved by grace can at any time commune with the Lord Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth. In the night when I awake and am tempted by frustration, it is so comforting to be able to talk to the Lord about it.

I am not alone in my experience. One of the psychiatrists who helped select the first astronauts told me how they tested them in total isolation seeing how much they could withstand. He said some could go indefinitely, and when they examined them, they found that they were the ones who could pray. If we would only realize our opportunity for direct communication with the Lord, how much more we would do it.

I have found expressing gratitude to God gives me great satisfaction. Surprisingly, I have also found it has increased my self-respect. It is so much easier to live with myself as a person who is grateful, rather than a complainer and whiner.

Mysterious is the nature of intercessory prayer. How can my request impact God’s love for others? Yet we are instructed to pray for one another. Realistically, I would be frustrated if I could not pray for others when I feel there is nothing else I can do for them. Often people will say, “At least I can pray for you.” I always want to remind them praying is the most they can do for me.

I have never felt that the number of people praying for a person or situation is the vital point. I do not think God is a politician who is swayed by numbers or polls. And I definitely do not believe God is impressed with celebrity. Thinking getting famous Christians on your prayer team doesn’t get your request moved to the top of the pile. I remember the widow whose life was terrifically limited, but all of us wanted her to pray because we knew she had suffered hardship, and deprivation while trusting wholly in God.

When we say, “I will be praying for you” it is a serious commitment. Promising to join the company and community of the committed through prayer is entering into the mystery of the faith. Voicing the willingness to join with others around the throne is speaking the intention of sharing the marvelous and mysterious presence on behalf of another.

This week carefully consider: 1) How real is prayer for me? 2) Who has asked me to pray for them? 3) What does my prayer list look like?

Words of Wisdom: “I have found expressing gratitude to God gives me great satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul.” (Jeremiah 29:13 NET Bible)

Minutes that Count

Brenda’s Blog – August 26, 2025

“Mommy’s outside having her Jesus minutes.”

As a young married with a toddler daughter, our Sunday School at First Baptist Church, Nashville, was a lifeline. Our teachers were an “older couple” in their late 30s who shepherded us well. How we loved them!

One afternoon I stopped by their house for a short shot of encouragement. When the front door opened, their nine year old daughter smiled and told me, “Mommy’s outside having her Jesus minutes.” I knew her source of strength, so I thanked the precious daughter and left. I never ever forgot that sweet answer to “Is your Mommy home?”

It makes me think about the minutes of my days. If someone comes to my door, what would they find? “Brenda is having her TV minutes… Brenda is having her Facebook minutes… Brenda is having her finding the last piece of chocolate minutes… Or, even Brenda is having her missing her family minutes, and yes, Brenda is having her Jesus minutes.”

Studies keep telling us how our brains are being affected by hours of screen absorption. It reminds me of what Scripture tells us. The transformation of our character is activated by our thoughts. What we see, read, think about, and talk about are foundational to our character.

Time matters. The more minutes (hours) we devote to an endeavor, the more it affects the outcome. As children, we were directed to invest time, not spend it, because it was a non-replenishable resource. How we choose to invest our days is a predictor of what the years will hold. When we look at our calendars we glimpse our values, and our life patterns.

In this fast-paced culture it is easy to speed through day by day without stopping to audit the use of that time. Making the most of the time God has designed for us is a stewardship. Learning to make minutes grow into days of contribution and value comes through watchcare.

May each of us stay faithful.

Standing Strong

Weekly Thought – August 26, 2025

Fred and Mary Alice maintained high ethical standards in the home. The children were keenly aware of what it meant to be a Smith. There were times when each child faced the challenge of peer pressure, but the training gave them strength to hold to the family north star.

Standing Strong

Frankly, I was surprised to find in my study that loyalty is one of the key elements in love. I thought spontaneity and extravagance were always primary characteristics. But after years of marriage and long-term friendships I put loyalty at the top of the list. This virtue gains in its dearness year by year.

For example, when I was near death I woke up to see a sign taped to the wall at the bottom of my hospital bed. It featured just four letters: YTCO. Our granddaughter Catherine (daughter of son Fred and his wife Carol) recalled a story which was important to the Smith culture so she made the sign for me. Confederate Cavalry Commander Jeb Stuart always closed his letters to General Robert E. Lee with the words “Yours To Count On.” It became a family motto. During that time I could open my eyes, see her sign, and know she was saying, “We are with you, Grandfather. We love you.”

I am a connoisseur of donut shops. I have sampled them nationwide. In Grand Saline, Texas, I was visiting one of the best. Across from me was a country couple. She wore gingham and he wore overalls. Finishing before me, he got up to pay. She didn’t move which surprised me. He even went outside and opened the truck. When he returned he bent over and picked her up which revealed a full body brace. He carried her out to the pickup while most of us silently watched through the shop’s front window.

The waitress stood at the counter and remarked, “He took his vows seriously, didn’t he?”

God’s love is evidenced through His loyalty to us. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Our names are engraved on the palms of His hand – permanently. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

This week carefully consider: 1) How often do I seriously think about loyalty? 2) Who do I know who models loyalty in family, work, and community? 3) What does God’s loyalty to me mean day by day?

Words of Wisdom: “YTCO – Yours to Count On”

Wisdom from the Word: “For I am ever aware of your faithfulness, and your loyalty continually motivates me.” (Psalm 26:3 NET Bible)

Tribulation Payday

Weekly Thought – August 19, 2025

Fred spent his last years immobilized by physical incapacity. For over 7 years he underwent dialysis treatment three times weekly. Until the last months he continued to speak, mentor, and develop while seated in his wheelchair. Even in the last week of his life he hosted dozens in his Saturday morning “Fred in the Bed” sessions. This excerpt from a Sunday School lesson was delivered before his Saturday events took place.

Tribulation Payday

Until I spent several months on my back, unable to move I didn’t really appreciate the development of patience through tribulation. Perhaps I could have given you “three points of managing a patient attitude,” but I didn’t come with three points and a poem about patience. I do want you to know what I learned (and am still learning). Now I know that true patience reduces unhealthy distress without diminishing healthy stress. Patience brings poise to our life, enabling us to discern between important and unimportant. Tribulation is the soil in which patience flowers.

The Apostle Paul writes to the church at Rome and reminds them: “Tribulation brings about perseverance; perseverance, proven character’ and proven character, hope.” In his epistle we see the direct line between tribulation and hope – and the blessings in the process as character is developed.

Brother Lawrence prayed for tribulation in order to become stronger so that he might endure even more tribulation. He saw suffering as “God’s gymnasium.” My Type A friends always demand results – and quickly. Tribulation has no regard for personality types! It has its own rhythm and pace. Personally, I found patience to be the only answer to the frustration in these months. And, if honest, I recognized much of that restlessness and aggravation was related to the attack on my ego through dependence on others and extreme physical limitations. I wanted my own way; I wanted my own independence.

I know the response to tribulation can be a choice. We may not control the circumstances, but we can manage our attitude as Dr. Frankl taught us in “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

Patience, like most of our highly valued qualities, is slow growing. It is an oak tree, not a cornstalk. It is available to all of us when we are willing to pay the price. Our decision to face tribulation in faith and fortitude makes the difference.

In times of tribulation we must always remember sweating it out in God’s gymnasium is hard work, but we know our Coach has the plan for our maturity and transformed character.

This week think about: 1) Where is tribulation serving as gym time? 2) How can I practice spiritual discipline in troubled times? 3) Who can I encourage with Fred’s words this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Patience, like most of our highly valued qualities, is slow growing.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” (Colossians 5:22 NET Bible)

Being Used By God

Weekly Thought – August 12, 2025

Fred believed God had a purpose for his life. Knowing he didn’t start out with a privileged background (in socio-economic terms), he became acutely aware of God’s plan for his usefulness. He spent time developing his gifts and making sure they were properly employed.

Being Used By God

I met Torrey Johnson when he was a young man first starting Youth For Christ. At that time I was asking certain people I admired for their photo and autograph. He gave me his with the inscription: “To Fred Smith, God’s man in God’s place.” I never felt I could hang that on the wall. I kept it in my desk drawer. I felt condemned by how seldom I felt that I was truly God’s man in God’s place.

During the times I felt that God was using me, I felt extremely small and extremely secure. When I felt big I felt insecure because I was depending on my own strength.

Recently when I asked a friend the usual question, “How’s it going?” he answered in the best possible way. He said, “Fred, I feel God is using me as I use my time to do the things that He wants done. It doesn’t get any better than this!” What a wonderful feeling to realize God is using us rather our using God. So long as we keep that spiritual dimension in our leadership, people will see God in us.

A great many people want to use God as a credit reference. They include their church work on their resume. They mention it in their bio so people will think them honest or reliable. They put fish symbols on their business cards, and car decals hoping others will believe they are more trustworthy than most others. Unfortunately, they can be relied upon to use God, but can God rely on them to be used?

An international evangelist once commented, “Everybody wants to be used by God but very few want to be prepared to be used.” The old gospel song line accurately describes the process: Melt me, Mold me, Fill me, Use me.

When I was growing up in a Southern Baptist pastor’s family we sang a hymn with this line: “I am satisfied with Jesus. But the question comes to me as I think of Calvary. Is Jesus satisfied with me?” Wanting to be God’s man in God’s place is the desire to satisfy Him.

This week carefully consider: 1) When do I feel God’s pleasure? 2) What can I do this week to bring beauty to my purpose? 3) What words comes to mind when I know I am being used by God?

Words of Wisdom: “Most Christians want to be used by God, but considerably fewer want to be prepared for His use.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But I am full of the courage that the LORD’s Spirit gives and have a strong commitment to justice.“ (Micah 3:8(a) NET Bible)

Viewing Our Values

Weekly Thought – August 5, 2025

Fred made no effort to excel at all endeavors. He established his core values early in life and designed his goals to be in sync with them. He had clear priorities and held to them in respect to the investment of his time, energy, and financial resources.

Viewing Our Values

The simple life is balanced. It is not necessarily devoid of tensions, but the stresses are balanced. The wife of my good friend John Bullock told me she always wanted her husband to have two irritations at a time. Why? Because, while having one just about drove him crazy, with two he could oscillate between them and keep his balance. She was a wise woman.

If our core values were manifested physically we could see the grotesqueness of imbalance. Years ago I saw a man with elephantitis. It was hard not to notice his distorted features. I started thinking about the impact if our value systems resulted in a physical representation. What if people could see externally who we are internally? What would a person given over to greed look like? How difficult would it be to overlook the deformity of self-absorption, uncontrolled lust, or unchecked ambition? On the other hand, we often do see an external demonstration of self-sacrifice, loyalty, truthfulness, and love, don’t we? Have you ever thought about the external presentation of your values?

Great sculpture has to be balanced. Skilled artists can look at a mass of stone or clay and see where the center of gravity is – where the balance exists. A mistake can result in destruction of that balance and cause artistic disaster. Purpose is shown through the balanced life, just as the purpose of the artist’s material is displayed through his capable, disciplined work.

Remember the great story of the statue of David? When Michaelangelo was asked how he carved such a splendid work out of a flawed piece of marble. “Simple,” he replied. “I just cut away everything that wasn’t David.” A balanced, healthy life is the result of having a values vision and consistently cutting away everything that doesn’t fit. Sometimes it is tedious, even sacrificial, but it is essential. A life driven by Godly values reflects the nature of the Holy.

Balance doesn’t mean devoting equal energy and resources to each and every endeavor… that would pull us apart. Identifying our purpose and designing life habits to maximize our gifts creates a life of beauty. Living with values that allow our outer person to reflect our inner being results in consistency.

This week think carefully about: 1) How satisfied am I with the inner person’s values? 2) What can I do this week to bring beauty to my purpose? 3) Where do I need to rebalance?

Words of Wisdom: “Balance doesn’t mean devoting equal energy and resources to each and every endeavor… that would pull us apart.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Pointing Fingers

Brenda’s Blog – August 12, 2025

“Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault!” Four year old son Jeff was mumbling to himself as I walked through the den. I stopped to make sure I was hearing his repeated chant. “Jeff, what are you saying?” “I am practicing for the next time the girls blame me something I didn’t do.”

Having two older sisters often put him in precarious situations. The concept of personal responsibility had not fully matured in the girls’ characters, so Jeff was an easy target.

An unspeakably horrible catastrophe has literally inundated much of central Texas – a flood which has taken hundreds of lives. Reporters are saying that many of the missing will never be recovered as they are buried under tons of river sludge, and debris.

The first response was truly Texas Strong – thousands of volunteers covered the miles of devastation searching for any sign of life – and painfully recovering those whose lives were taken by this tragedy.

But way too soon voices seemed to rise above prayer and singing – the voices of recrimination and the ugliness of finger pointing. “Who is to blame?” was a constant theme on newscasts. “They caused this by their political policies.” Or, the detestable, horrid statement: “They deserved to die because they voted for such and such.”

It is as if a group had prepared for “such a time as this’ with their accusations, vitriol, and hatefulness were primed and ready. Too many are incapable of accepting the responsibility of civility. Too many have the assignment of blame as their default social response.

“How can we help? How can we provide comfort and care? How can we show the grace and love to Jesus?”

When we were young (and still immaturely eager to find fault) our Mom would remind us “Remember, when you point a finger at someone else there are four pointing back at yourself.’

Scripture teaches us to bear one another’s burdens, to have compassionate hearts, and pray diligently. That is what people should hear us practicing as they pass by.

Fiscal Fidelity

Weekly Thought – July 29, 2025

Fred understood the stewardship of everything he had… everything! He and Mary Alice taught their children the responsibility – and the joy – of giving. They also encouraged them to understand how God designed them and how to best use those gifts to His glory.

Fiscal Fidelity

The truth about money has been known for a long time. Aristotle called money “barren.” Not because it doesn’t bring benefits, but because the emotions it evokes are among the lowest on his the ancient philosopher’s hierarchy of values. The feelings invoked by money just don’t compare with the nobler emotions of love, patriotism, and religion. The men and women whose greatest emotional energy is reserved for money knows nothing of the higher emotional life.

Money can bring fun – even happiness – but not ultimate joy if it is only money for money’s sake. After all, it has no intrinsic ability to elevate the intellect or spirit. In fact, the pure, exclusive love of gold often blocks the love for all else that is higher and nobler. How pitiful the struggle for wealth becomes when compared to the struggle for freedom, the search for truth, the drive for fulfillment in serving each other.

However, money is one of life’s greatest necessities. To disparage money out of hand and per se is to demonstrate an ignorance of life’s fundamental rules. When people what I think about money I tell them, “I think of it like I do blood – I make blood to live, not live to make blood.” I do not live to make money, but I fully understand I must make money to live.

In my mind money has always represented option. The options that money make possible are part of its utility. It is important to understand the principle: having an abundance of choices (options) doesn’t necessarily mean that we have the ability to use them well.

Mary Alice and I tried to instill this into our children. Unlike our backgrounds, our children were raised in an affluent neighborhood. We wanted them to have a healthy view of money – and understand the responsibilities, as well. They grew up hearing me say, “Remember – money is a tool, not an idol.”

I have been poor, and I have been financially comfortable – I would be kidding if I didn’t say I preferred the latter. But having money and loving money are poles apart. Money requires discipline as do the decisions that money makes possible.

This week consider carefully: 1) What makes the difference between money as a tool, not an idol? 2) What are the appropriate uses of money for me, and my family? 3) Who models the healthy, mature use of money?

Words of Wisdom: “Money is a tool, not an idol.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the love of money is the root of all evils.” (I Timothy 6:10 NET Bible)

Don’t Settle

Brenda’s Blog – July 29, 2025

As a kindergartener in Cincinnati, Ohio I attended Westwood Elementary School in Mrs. Preston’s class. To celebrate birthdays the teacher would take the student out of the room, returning with a crepe paper streamer which was tied in a big bow on the back of the child’s chair. Having a March birthday gave me months to anticipate “my big day!” I knew exactly what I wanted – a PINK STREAMER.

The day came; Mrs. Preston came to my chair and invited me to follow her. Out in the hall she opened a closet which held a large round cardboard container overflowing with streamers of every color. I knew what I wanted, but to my horror – I couldn’t see a pink one. I just froze. Then the life-changing words came from Mrs. Preston’s mouth: “Brenda, for goodness sake, just PICK ONE!” I reached in an pulled out a PURPLE one. IT WAS NOT PINK! I had waited for six months to sit in a chair dressed in a PINK streamer with a big bow.

The rest of the day went by and I tried hard to ignore the “offending crepe paper” wrapped around my chair.

Fast forward many years… I stopped by Dallas to visit with my parents on my way to speak in Kansas City to a women’s group. In organizing my message by talking it through with Dad this long-ago forgotten experience in Mrs. Preston’s classroom, it became clear my theme became “don’t settle.”

Quickly, decades flashed through my mind of settling because of fear, pressure, or hearing “For goodness sake, Brenda!” Serious decisions, simple choices, or life-altering actions – all affected by settling in order to please others, take the easy way out, or fail to take the time and make the necessary effort.

Back home in Des Moines, IA, I prepared to leave. The mailman delivered a large envelope. I opened it and found an entire cellophane-wrapped sheaf of crepe paper… INK CREPE PAPER! Attached was a small piece of paper with just these words “Don’t settle!”

Yes, from Dad.

The next day as I told my story and added illustrations to build out the principle I passed around the roll of crepe paper with a pair of scissors encouraging each women to cut herself a piece as a reminder.

Dad has been in heaven since 2007, but his words live on nearly 20 years later.

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