Focus on the Audience

Weekly Thought – November 21. 2023

Fred began his public speaking career as a young man in the personnel department at General Shoe Corporation in Nashville. A call from an industry association to the company as the largest employer in the region was routed to Fred. They wanted someone to address “people issues” at their Tennessee meeting. He accepted the invitation (although he had done no professional speaking, but given much thought to the subject) which then became an invitation to be a key speaker at their National Conference. His reputation as a speaker, consultant, and writer allowed him a lifetime of broad experiences.

Focus on the Audience

Whether speakers, preachers, or talkers, we must think of what our listeners need to hear, not what we want to say. Our material should not be an expression of egotism, our “much learning,” or the things people have given as compliments. Our content should grow out of a careful analysis of the needs of the listeners. I try to remind myself I’m speaking to people about a subject, not about a subject to people. The focus is on the people, not the subject. That may sound like a semantics, but many speakers are authorities on a subject without being authorities on the audience. They feel they have communicated whether the listeners get anything or not.

During World War II when we needed to train technical people very quickly, we had a program called Training Within Industry (TWI). One of the basic tenets was “The teacher hasn’t taught until the student has learned.” If an applicant for a welding job went through TWI and came out unable to weld, we didn’t blame the student; we blamed the teacher.

As communicators, if people don’t get what we say, it’s our fault, not theirs. Our job is to influence the thinking and actions of the people who hear us. I am not relieved of my responsibility just by enunciating syllables to show my knowledge of the topic. If I am teaching the Word, I have succeeded only when they understand and apply the scriptural principles.

I used to do some professional speaking with Norman Vincent Peale at chambers of commerce and other civic meetings across the country. I asked him one time, “How do you decide what to say?” He answered, “Fred, on Friday I ask myself, ‘What is the most common problem I ran into this week?’ That helps me decide.” He was talking to people, not to a subject. No wonder he has been so popular throughout his long career.

A singles group asked me to do a retreat with five two hour lectures, followed by discussion. I got there and realized that what I had prepared was not the most useful thing for them. I didn’t deliver a single one of those fully prepared lectures. Instead, we had a tremendous amount of dialogue. Afterward I went back to my room, stayed up all night synthesizing what we had talked about so that I could bring it back in a cogent form at the next session. I left there wobbling on my feet from sleep deprivation. But I received much feedback from people telling me the retreat was one of the best experiences of their lives. I was dealing with their problems, taking what knowledge I have of life principles and applying it to their current needs.

As a speaker I must always remember that the audience is first – I am there to talk to them about a subject, not to have them listen to me discuss a subject.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I communicate with others? 2) What is my goal when asked to give a presentation? 3) When do I believe I have expressed my message clearly?

Words of Wisdom: “I try to remind myself I’m speaking to people about a subject, not about a subject to people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6 NET Bible)

Good Habits

Weekly Thought – November 14, 2023

Fred gained a reputation as one of America’s finest key note speakers during the 50s and 60s. He continued speaking, writing, and mentoring until his death in 2007. His ability to distill information into usable principles gave his speaking a lasting quality. This week we feature excerpts from a key note address to the Printing Industry of America in 1961.

Good Habits

Nearly every organization runs on habit, just as you do personally. Almost everything you have already done today is done habitually. It you didn’t you would be lost in daily living. This is one of the problems of reorganizations – the habit structure is disrupted and slowed down measurably. The successful efforts take the time to reestablish good habits.

Here are eight habits I recommend cultivating in your business.

1) Create a spirit that will be acceptable to challenges. Don’t support people who come in and tell you something can’t be done. Simply say, “Don’t tell me what can’t be done; tell me what we will have to change in order to do it.”
2) Change is okay… status quo is not. Status quo is Latin for “the mess we are in.”
3) Accept ideas. You as a leader will have to accept a new idea before your organization will.
4) Don’t delay failures. I have a banker friend who told me, “Fred. I never delay cutting short a failure that is funded with my own money.”
5) Get management on the offense. Too often management fights back instead of leading.
6) Develop the habit of good work. The President of a pipeline company said, “This is one of the habits I build into my organization – stepping back from a job to say, ‘That’s good.’” I believe there is a firm Biblical basis for this habit. I read of a young man who saved his younger sister from a burning house. When interviewed he told of his Boy Scout preparation. A reporter asked him what he thought about his action. Confidently he answered “I did a good job.”
7) Examine the things that bring pride, but make sure they are still relevant. I recently consulted with a company who listed all their accomplishments for which they were proud. As we examined them, many were from the past and totally outdated. But because they generated pride they held on to them even though they were obsolete.
8) Work smarter instead of harder. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, always told me “Show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.” Peter Drucker says that results are the only reason for activity.

I know I haven’t told you anything you don’t already know. My job isn’t to tell you anything new. When someone asks me how I make my money I tell them, “I earn my money by reminding people.” I hope I have reminded you that good habits are a key to successful living. Find one that works for you and make it real in your organization.

This week consider: 1) Which habits have become obsolete and need to be eliminated? 2) What will it take to evaluate the habits of my organization, family, church and focus on the effective? 3) Who can help me (and who can I help) establish better habits?

Words of Wisdom: “Develop the habit of good work.”

Wisdom from the Word: “God saw all that he had made – and it was very good! “ (Genesis 1:31(a) NET Bible)

Find the Fit

Weekly Thought – November 7, 2023

Fred mentored formally or informally throughout his life. When Breakfast with Fred came out, the publisher chose “Mentor to a Generation of Leaders” as the tagline. He lived long enough to see generations grow into men and women who chose contribution as a life goal.

Find the Fit

Fit is foremost, whether in organizational structure or in mentoring relationships. There are several ways to measure this element. One of the key elements is that the mentor should be knowledgeable and able to critique objectively. The mentor who simply says what the other wants to hear is irresponsible. He should not counsel in matters in which he/she is not expert. Judgment should not be passed in subjects beyond the mentor’s limitations. One of the keys to a successful mentoring relationship is choosing a mentor with a broad network of knowledgeable friends who may be helpful on occasion. I call this the Mayo Clinic model. My personal doctor can call on an expansive team of experts who practice beyond his particular expertise.

A young, brash president of a growing corporation was being dangerously extravagant. Though I was on his board, he wasn’t accepting my authority on the subject. I got him an appointment with the CEO of a major corporation who successfully warned him and possibly saved the company. I saw what he needed, but he wasn’t listening to me. My network gave me the right source for him and brought him back on course.

The mentor must genuinely believe in the potential of the mentoree. A mentor cannot do serious thinking about the needs of the learner or spend the necessary time together without believing in their potential. A mentor isn’t doing what this work to just be a nice guy. Then there may be times when the learner loses confidence in himself, particularly after a failure, and he will need a mentor to help restore confidence and strength. The mentor must authentically believe to function well.

I had breakfast with a young executive in Dallas. I asked him to tell me his story. He said, “Until early in my twenties I amounted to very little. I think that was due to the fact I was raised in a hyper fundamental family who believed it was wrong to say anything positive about anyone. Their fear was that recognizing talent and encouraging it would lead the child down the path to pridefulness. I truly believed there was nothing special about me until a day that changed my life. A Sunday school teacher put his arm around my shoulder and said, “I believe in you.” Gradually, I began to believe in myself. From that point on I started to identify my talents and climb the executive ladder.

I am convinced the words “I believe in you” are some of the most powerful in human relations. But it must be sincere. Puffery and fake compliments tear down and create doubt in the mentoree.

(Note: part of the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute program asks the college and university students the simple question: “Who first said ‘I believe in you?” The responses always include “no one ever has.” These are student leaders who are accomplished, but yet never experienced this affirmation.)

This week carefully consider: 1) Who first said to me, “I believe in you?” 2) Who have I spoken those words to? 3) How can I prepare myself to mentor and be mentored?

Words of Wisdom: “One of the keys to a successful mentoring relationship is choosing a mentor with a broad network of knowledgeable friends who may be helpful on occasion.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And what you heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NET Bible)

Define Priorities

Weekly Thought – October 31, 2023

Fred consistently evaluated his priorities. His reminder to himself and others was “always stay current with the facts.” Fred’s life theme of “stretching others” played out to the end of his life. Even in ICU those who looked to his mentorship and wisdom visited. Bill Glass came to sit beside his bed and brought his notebook in case Fred had periods to consciousness to answer questions!

Define Priorities

Often we hear people say, “After I get rich I’ll get righteous.” This is the deception of money – it can distract us from what really matters. Instead of being a means it becomes the end. Mary Alice and I have always reminded the children “Money is a tool, not an idol.” It is easy to fall into lazy patterns which make becoming who we want to be difficult. Making sure we line up our priorities correctly is a sure sign of maturity. Key life and priority checks and changers are the trials that come.

Major trouble challenges our priorities. It also revises, and I might even say, purifies. We decide what really matters. Trouble also gives us an opportunity to look at the situation realistically and assess the odds. A good friend after being diagnosed with leukemia told me “Fred, I had always believed in God, but for most of my life I couldn’t make sense of spiritual things, so I chose to just ignore the subject. I knew I would have to deal with my personal spirituality someday, but I wasn’t in any hurry. Cancer changed that.”

Our priorities benefit from trials in various ways – here are three:

1) We define the necessities. So much of our time and effort is spent (or better said, wasted) in the superficialities of life.

2) We ask ourselves “Am I happy with who am I becoming?” Often people come to talk and I ask this question. When they are looking for direction they usually answer, “Well, no, but I intend to be someday.” Without clarity in direction and progress “someday” rarely comes.

3) We think about how we want to be remembered. Trouble makes us think about legacy. What do we want on our tombstone? (NOTE: Fred wanted “He stretched others.” He did and those words are on the face of his stone in Restland Cemetery.)

When we have answered those questions then we know how to invest our time, energy, and attention. The answers give us a framework for prioritizing – or reprioritizing. We are stewards of these resources. Good management requires periodic inventory reviews to make sure we are making highest and best use of all resources.

During the dark financial days of the 1980s Dallas lost the stability of its three legs of its commercial stool: banking, energy, and real estate. Prosperity and prominence cratered. Formerly social leaders lost great wealth and position. One couple came to my office to talk about their situation. They told me when they saw an entirely new lifestyle they made a list of those who were friends because of social obligations and connections. Then they made a list of those who would truly be friends when and if they were broke. The second list was considerably shorter than the first. Their next step was to prioritize their time, focusing on the relationships that were healthy and true.

They understood what direction they wanted for their lives and surely were happy with the people they were becoming.

This week think about: 1) How do I answer Fred’s questions? 2) What would my “If I were broke” list look like? 3) Who can I help establish mature priorities?

Words of Wisdom: “Good management requires periodic inventory reviews to make sure we are making highest and best use of all resources.”

Wisdom from the Word: “From whom does he receive directions? Who teaches him the correct way to do things, or imparts knowledge to him, or instructs him in skillful design?” (Isaiah 40:14 NET Bible)

Seeking Freedom

Weekly Thought – October 24, 2023

Fred often listened to men who came to his office talking about “needing more freedom.” They were surprised when he didn’t give them the old “follow your heart” talk, but rather emphasized the price of freedom and its price tag.

Seeking Freedom

Some leaders in business and in ministry I know feel trapped… “I’m called by God to do this, but I don’t like certain aspects of the job and I don’t feel free to change them.” This regularly depresses them. Pastors sometimes feel like slaves to the church, and know that slaves have very few options. They have emotional options, of course – they can be dedicated, enthusiastic, willing to use their best talents, or they can drag their feet, insolent, and difficult to get along with. They do have internal control. My friends who are business leaders experience the same entrapment, but have the same attitudinal options.

When feeling trapped they key is to recognize you’re serving the wrong master. We are all to be slaves of Christ, not slaves of the church or the corporation. This freedom to serve Christ alone, however, requires discipline. It comes with a price. All freedom does. One of my wife’s friends once told her, “Your husband has more freedom to express his opinion than anybody else I’ve ever met.” Mary Alice replied, “He pays a price for it.” It is true. Mavericks must accept the price of being an outsider. So we who want to be free to serve Christ alone must accept the cost. It is dishonest to want the benefits without paying the price.

A lot of people try to lease freedom instead of buying it. Leasing (trying in small ways to be something you’re not in order to please people) is cheaper. It provides some breathing room. But by leasing you never gain ultimate freedom. Freedom must be purchased – and the price is not set by you. You decide you want it and then you pay whatever it costs. If you try to acquire it at a price you determine, be aware you are leasing, not owning.

The price of freedom to serve Christ alone is often your willingness to be disliked. It may cost you your job. It may cost you some relationships. You may be ostracized by your peers. But there is a value that is priceless.

The desire for total freedom has to be tempered. Freedom is not irresponsibility. Freedom is an environment in which you discharge your responsibility. I believe one reason for America’s productivity is that for the first time in history responsible people have lived and worked in an environment of freedom. The Puritan conscience carried the message: “You have a talent which you have to steward; one day you’ll stand before God and be judged for the way you developed it.” When you put that mindset into an environment of freedom you have the potential for tremendous productivity.

The more total we can make our commitment to Christ, the freer we can be. The ore we discipline our desires, the stronger will be our opportunities for a life well-lived. When we understand true freedom does not represent lack of constraint but the ability to restrict ourselves in order to accomplish our soul’s deepest yearnings.

This week think carefully about: 1) When do I think “I wish I had more freedom”? 2) How have I determined to calculate the cost of true freedom? 3) Who models freedom in Christ for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Freedom is not irresponsibility. Freedom is an environment in which you discharge your responsibility.”

Wisdom from the Word: Call to Faithful Stewardship: “Get dressed for service and keep your lamps burning.” (Luke 13:35 NET Bible)

Fry-Day

Brenda’s Blog – October 31, 2023

“Your room smells like Friday in my Catholic home when I grew up!”

After checking into my room I opened the door only to be met by a strong aroma of fried fish. Apparently those who used the Residence Inn suite before me enjoyed a sumptuous fish dinner. They were gone, but the odor remained.

I went to the front desk and asked for housekeeping to please bring some air freshener. Instead, the front desk attendant brought a large “odor-sucking” machine which operated for four hours while I spent time with my grandchildren.

Her comment as she assessed the situation made me laugh. Growing up as a Southern Baptist meant Fridays were not synonymous with fish, but for her my room brought back childhood memories.

Of course, it made me think about aromas. They can transport back through time, can’t they? A perfume, a food, a flower… all evoke memories. The Bible speaks frequently about them. In the Old Testament the phrase “pleasing aroma” is used to describe the result of sacrificial offerings by God’s people.

We learn in the New Testament that the prayers of the redeemed are received as incense by our God. They waft throughout heaven bringing delight and approval. Think of that! When we talk with the Creator of the Universe we are filling the enormous pans with glorious incense.

The faint, but pungent, traces of that guest’s fish dinner gave me an opportunity to remember how we have a spiritual sense of smell. We can be grateful for the heavenly olfactory sense which values our prayers. May we bring a sweet, sweet aroma before Him as we approach in prayer day by day.

The Process of Wisdom

Weekly Thought – October 17, 2023

Fred thought much about the words of William Barclay’s prayer. “Lord grant us: in our work, satisfaction; in our study, wisdom; in our pleasure, gladness; and in our love loyalty.” He taught a series of lessons on each of the five phrases to the Elliott class of Highland Park Presbyterian Church. One of the most important elements to Fred were the words: “In our study, wisdom.”

The Process of Wisdom

William Barclay, who spent his life studying, realized that wisdom came by process. The scripture talks about getting knowledge and then understanding and then wisdom. In America we are long on knowledge, but short on wisdom. We educate the head so much better than we educate the heart. So often you hear someone say, “How can anyone that smart be that dumb?” Their head is smart, but their heart is ignorant. The major problems we face today are not because we are uneducated, but because we are unwise. We have knowledge but lack wisdom. Think about political confrontations. These are educated men and women. They have knowledge, but I see a distinct lack of wisdom. Wall Street scandals are not from lack of knowledge but lack of ethics which is part of wisdom. The Old Testament talks about the heart because wisdom is of the heart, not the head.

One of the most interesting columns I’ve read in a long time is “the heartless lovers of humankind.” It points out how dangerous intellectuals are who have theories about the welfare of mankind without regard for individual life. The author points out Marx, Lenin, Mao, and Stalin as men who had an intellectual theory about social construction without the reality of close personal relationships. One of my friends has a cartoon on his desk which shows Linus (the Peanuts character) saying, “I love mankind; it’s people I hate.” These theorists and idealogues were guilty of what they called “useful murders.” Mao supposedly killed 300 million people because he was working out his social theory. Hitler tried it; so did Stalin. All of these people with theories about mankind based on their intellectual concepts demonstrated a total lack of heart. The love of power, the desire to make their theories work, and the lack of any respect for human life ended tragically. They denied any possibility of man’s being created in the image of God. For they denied even the existence of God and His wisdom that “is from above” as the letter of James puts it.

Let me quote from T.S. Eliot: “Where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information? The cycles of heaven in twenty centuries bring us further from God and nearer to the dust.”

God made us from dust to move toward God, but now Eliot points out that we are moving quickly back to the dust from which we were formed. Intellectual prowess alone fails. Knowledge is not enough – we need wisdom.

As Barkley prays, “In our study, wisdom.”

This week seriously consider: 1) How well am I moving from knowledge to wisdom? 2) Who is a model of wisdom for me? 3) What makes me hunger for “wisdom that is from above?”

Words of Wisdom: “The major problems we face today are not because we are uneducated, but because we are unwise.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NET Bible)

That’ll Preach

Brenda’s Blog – October 17, 2023

“Principles never change – just the illustrations.”

My Dad viewed all of life through the perspective of life principles. He knew fundamentals were timeless, and yet timely. When I read his writings through his life I quickly saw his foundational values were fixed by his twenties. The way he illustrated them did change as language and cultural experiences morphed. But he did stay current to most effectively communicate the lessons.

Growing up under his influence I, too, filter everyday happenings digging for principles. Years ago I started calling the practice: “That’ll preach!” It has become a most enjoyable way of looking at life. Because I travel many miles alone I have great opportunities to intentionally look for ideas.

My children grew up enduring their Mom’s “life lessons” and encouragement to “feed their souls.” As they have grown up they are able to laugh about these activities. However, it hasn’t always been that way. During his sophomore year of high school, my son Jeff was involved in a serious car accident as passenger. His pelvis was broken and he was out of school for months as he recovered. As soon as I received the call, office friends drove me immediately to the hospital. I walked into the ER and saw my badly injured son. I opened my mouth to say “I love you.” My son looked up at me with weak eyes and said, “Mom, no life lessons, please.” Actually, I wasn’t seeing his situation as content for one, but he knew everything I saw eventually made its way into a principle-based expression. No blogs in those days, but early collection of illustration material, right?

Looking for God’s messages really does bring energy and vitality to ordinary days. Analyzing life conditions and finding the spiritual principles keep us mentally astute, as well as sharpening our appreciation for our ever present God. He doesn’t hide – He doesn’t run from us… NO, He is everywhere to be found.

The Joy of Contemplation

Weekly Thought – October 10, 2023

Fred considered contemplation a productive aspect of Christian living. He not only enjoyed quiet, but created a personal environment which required it. When he and Mary Alice traveled to Colorado one of his favorite activities was standing alone staring at the stars in the sky free from city lights.

The Joy of Contemplation

Americans are not much for quiet. The TV blares even when no one is in the room; teenagers walk around loaded down with boom boxes on their shoulders; car rides cannot be respites from unwanted sounds because vehicles sitting adjacent at stop lights actually vibrate with the deafening decibels.

Occasionally I see an exception. One is my friend Bob Turner who took his wife out to his Palm Beach Club for an enjoyable evening. At one point he spoke to the bandleader then returned to the table with a big smile. Thinking he had requested “their song” for the next dance she was surprised to see the band leave the stage. Bob had paid the band to quit for the evening, leaving the ballroom in total quiet.

Americans don’t appreciate contemplation. Short attention spans are supported by all forms of communication. (Editor’s note: Imagine Fred’s thoughts on current messages consisting of icons, emojis, and acronyms!) Television sitcoms convince us that we can solve international strife, political conflict, relationship dysfunction, and career problems within 30 minutes.
While speaking with a small group including many international attendees I was impressed with a man’s bright, attentive face. Afterwards he introduced himself to me as a Hindu from Nepal. He asked to have lunch because he had never heard an American Christian talk about contemplation. To him, it was a normal, critical part of his life from childhood.

It made me think about the noise in American homes. There is no time dedicated to silence and contemplation. Lapses in conversation are not respected, but filled with talking, music, even arguing. We are uneasy with any type of silence.
Contemplation is an acquired skill. In Scripture we are advised to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” As we consider Him in quiet He comes alive.

“Be still and know that I am God” isn’t just for personal worship – this should apply to corporate worship, as well. Sadly, studies show that contemporary churches attribute their growth to being loud. They call it celebration, but I am tempted to call much of it noise. Where is the consideration of the awe of God as a group of believers? Where are the moments to sit in contemplation of who He is?

In contemplation we establish our relativity with God – not relationship, but relativity. He is eternal; we are temporal. He is infinite; we are finite. He is Creator; we are created. The point of contemplation is that when I am small in Him I am utterly secure; but when I am big in myself I am insecure. Contemplating the infinite stretches me beyond measure. Meditating on an immeasurable Go stretches me beyond all human thought – this is the joy of contemplation.

This week think carefully about: 1) How often do I stop and contemplate the greatness of God? 2) What do contemplation and meditation mean to me? 3) When is the most productive time for me to think about God?

Words of Wisdom: “As we consider Him in quiet He comes alive.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May my words and my thoughts be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my sheltering rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NET)

On High Alert

Brenda’s Blog – October 3, 2023

“I am always waiting for the collision.”

In a recent conversation the topic of car accidents came up. “Have you ever been hit? Have you ever hit someone?” An interesting exchange followed.

“Don’t you still wait for the collision?” said one friend. She went on to say for months (and even years) after backing out from a parking space and feeling the crunch of being struck by another car she carries the emotional impact. “Every time I back out I unconsciously hold my breath and wait for the sound of being hit.” Another told of being in an interstate pile up which was unavoidable. Now when traffic quickly stops in front of her she immediately raises her hand, hoping to signal the oncoming car or truck to avoid the dreaded outcome. The rush of an anticipated collision haunts her.

It made me think about other ways we emotionally live waiting for an accident – relationships, careers, health… all offer us opportunities to “live waiting for the collision.” Some call it waiting for the shoe to drop… others call it expecting the worst… while there are those who walk around with a black cloud like a Peanuts comic strip. The past can hang over us like a shadow which darkens the day.

Dr. Richard Swenson wrote a book in 1992 titled Margin which discusses the distance between where we are living and our emotional, psychological limits. When we spend adrenaline anticipating heartbreak, failure, or disease because of past experiences we operate in the red zone, using up the margin which God designed for emergencies.

We live in a culture filled with anxiety and fear. Those are major drivers of our daily living, aren’t they? Living with problems that aren’t ours today is a foolish waste of God’s provision for mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual resources. Scripture tells us to turn tomorrow over to God and accept His provision for today. He is a good God who wants us to enjoy His presence and protection. Let’s do it!

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