Weekly Thought – June 6, 2023

Fred expressed gratitude as a natural part of his daily experience. He repeatedly reminded people “everything we have is from God.” Those who came to him for counsel after great losses invariably engaged in a gratitude exercise, not self-pity.

Gratitude – Pass It On

The longer I live, the more I use a grateful attitude as a test for maturity. I have a friend with a stage four cancer diagnosis. I went to see her and asked, “What do you have to be grateful for?” Her response, “Fred, I have had much to appreciate.” “I didn’t ask you about past gratitude, but your current situation. What are you grateful for right now?”

It is relatively easy for people to recite a list of past items, but it is sometimes more difficult to express the current ones. Our greed, or great losses, cloud our minds and hearts disabling our gratitude. Sadly, we focus on what we wish we had, losing our perspective.

Authentic gratitude is recognizing and appreciating what we have now, not for what we hope to have.

Genuine gratitude needs to “keep moving.” We need to practice the art of saying thank you – and meaning it. Formalized appreciation results in holidays (which seem to increase year by year) which socially require us to acknowledge others. An unforced “thank you” has more impact. But for some saying “Thank you” is often just as hard as saying “I love you.”

Gratitude represents dependence. It says, “I can’t do this all by myself… I need your help.” Whether we speak that to parents, teachers, colleagues, or God it is a sign of humility. It is also a human bridge – it connects us to one another. When we acknowledge the contribution of others we build them up.

I was asked to be the keynote speaker at a graduation ceremony in Corpus Christi. Those receiving diplomas were leaving a drug rehabilitation program. One young man came up, obviously the toughest one in the group. When the leader described him as hostile when entering, the group laughed. Then he spoke: “Joe is the one who helped me – the one who taught me what I needed to know. When I fell down, he showed me how to get back up. I want to thank him.” Sitting next to Joe was a woman with her head down. The young man finally, with great difficulty, and almost in pain looked over at her. “Thank, Mom.” Her countenance changed – there was light in her face. I bet that was the first time in all his troubles he had caused her he had even acknowledged her.

At that moment I saw the power of gratitude.

This week think carefully about: 1) How quickly do I say “thank you?” 2) What example of gratitude do I set for others? 3) Who needs to hear “Thank you” right now?

Words of Wisdom: “Gratitude represents dependence. It says ‘I can’t do this all by myself… I need your help.’”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD strengthens and protects me; I trust in him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to him in gratitude.” (Psalm 28:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 13, 2023

Fred enjoyed talented men and women with passion and clarity. One of the Fred questions all who knew him have answered: “What is your uniqueness?” Connecting uniqueness, direction, and passion intrigued Fred.

Focused Passion

Every effective leader is imbued with passion. Accomplishment is often in direct proportion to the intensity of the leader’s passion. It is contagious; sustaining for difficult times; and hope giving.

I like this definition: “Passion is concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.” My theologian friend Dr. Ramesh Richard said, “First in life, decide on your passion. What is your first love? If you have multiple passions, you will be ripped to pieces internally resulting in a random, fragmented life. If anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is your first love, you will fall into idolatry.” This international proclaimer, philosopher, and professor voices his passion this way: “to make God well known and the Lord Jesus Christ look good.” His focused passion insures integrity of leadership.

The advantages of passion are many: purpose, intensity, concentration, and intentionality. Passion gives depth keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity. Our life becomes a welder’s torch rather than a birthday candle.

Solzhenitsyn’s commitment to principle and truth drew from passion; Others that come to mind are: Mother Teresa’s lifetime work with the dying, Moody, Spurgeon, and Graham’s passion for souls, Edison’s drive for invention, and Churchill’s indomitable spirit stabilized the British.

There are men and women who are supernaturally gifted with passion beyond ordinary interest or intellectual curiosity. The ones I know understand the gifted nature and respect it. They can unite the heart and mind and spirit. They can lose themselves in a cause greater than themselves, dedicating themselves to a single purpose. The Apostle Paul put it this way: “This one thing I do.” And again, he said “I determine to know nothing but Christ Jesus and Him crucified.”
I listened as a young journalist interviewed an older, established writer. He went through his notes, then stopped and asked, “If you had your life to live over, what would you do?” Without hesitation the writer answered, “I would find something big enough to give myself to.”

This week think carefully about: 1) What is my uniqueness? 2) How do I connect my uniqueness, direction, and passion? 3) Who models well-used passion for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Passion gives depth keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But we passionately want each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of your hope until the end,” (Hebrews 6:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 30, 2032

Fred spoke directly to others – not as a power play, but as an exercise of his gift to stretch them. He told them the truth to be helpful. Questions from people about mission and vision were common until his death.

Goals and Accomplishment

One thing I always feel I must be working on when I am seeking accomplishment is simple: start right where I am. Everyday take a step, not waiting to be in a different place, with different circumstances.

Ken McFarland, was one of the greatest platform speakers of his time. Even when he was attending class in a Kansas one-room schoolhouse. He told me when his teacher asked him to stay afterwards one day and asked him, “Kenneth, how far do you want to go?” “As far as I can go,” was his answer. “Then the ladder starts right here” as she pointed to the floor. It was the greatest lesson he could learn: success starts right where you are. There is no need to move somewhere else to find the ladder. Start climbing right where you are. There may (and probably will) be taller ladders somewhere else along the way, but if you don’t take the first steps right where you are, chances are you will never accomplish your goals somewhere else.

A caveat on goal setting: we have to become mature in our judgment about our capabilities, strengths and weaknesses.

For example, I wanted to be an opera singer. My vocal coach told me he had never had a student who worked so hard, was focused so clearly, or loved music like I did. “Fred, there is only one thing missing: talent.” His comment sounds cruel, but it saved me much time and money which was much better used elsewhere.

There are times when inspirational material beyond reason can be hurtful. Telling people they can do absolutely anything they want to do is harmful. For years I was rightfully known as “Fat Fred.” You could tell me 24 hours a day I could be a jockey at Churchill Downs, but it was never going to happen.

When we set goals serious reality is necessary. Vision beyond any possibility of reality sets us up for disappointment. I knew a young woman who suffered for years regretting the fact that she didn’t “go for it” and become a major Broadway musical start. She agonized about the fact she didn’t take the risk. I had the opportunity to speak with her voice teacher. The fact was she didn’t have the voice. It wasn’t opportunity at all. It wasn’t lack of risk taking.

When we are envisioning we need to avoid indulging in the mystical to the point of fantasy. The common philosophy of just dreaming it makes it possible is implausible and a stumbling block. When the dream doesn’t come true it sets the person up for assuming they are a failure. That is when I always remind them: “Only your plans have failed; you haven’t.”

This week think about: 1) What helps me accomplish my goals? 2) How do I assess my talents? 3) When do I experience the greatest energy?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to be mature in our judgment about our capabilities, strengths, and weaknesses.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 23, 2023

Fred studied humor like others focus on languages, professional skills, or athletic achievements. He always talked about writing a book on humor. He left some unpublished observations and this week we feature some excerpts of this “scatter shooting” on laughter.

Healthy Humor

One of my highly intellectual friends sent me the biography of Mark Twain. When I called to laugh about certain things in the story he told me an interesting story. He and one of his friends called each other every Sunday morning to read the funny papers together. They found it is so much more enjoyable to laugh together rather than to laugh by oneself. In fact, you rarely hear anybody who laughs loud by themselves, no matter how funny the material is. But if they will read you the same material, they will immediately start laughing – sometimes so uncontrollably they can not continue. Of course you start laughing because humor is communal.

Keeping your eyes and ears open for humor is a discipline well worth developing. I practice looking for funny occurrences. For example, when I was driving to Mustang Island to prepare the condo for the coming hurricane I noticed a large real estate development sign: “Condos for sale – exit now.” Ordinarily that would be simple information about the booming real estate market of south Texas. But in light of the coming hurricane I read the words with this interpretation: “Condos ahead, so is hurricane, so “GET YOURS NOW!”

Repeating funny experiences is a good way to develop your sense of humor. It gives you a utility for the things you see and laugh about. Oftentimes in social situations you can substitute something funny you heard or saw for the same old chit chat about weather, television, or sports.

I was walking downtown to the office and noticed a long limousine coming down the street. I overheard a man’s comment to his companion: “Man, when you ride in one of those you have either got rocks or rigor mortis.” I laughed to myself, but filed it away for an appropriate way to give others a smile.

Humor is part of a healthy rhythm of life. It relieves the monotony. It improves the taste, like salt on vegetables or the meat. It is important to know and remember humor is a great deal more than telling jokes. Actually, very few people can do that well. Humor resides in that area between perfection and imperfection, between where we are and where we would either like to be or like for people to think we are.

Dr. Raymond Moody said, “Laughter has been linked by longstanding tradition with longevity. One thing almost all very healthy elderly patients in common is their sense of humor.” Humor is the lubricant for life. When I first started professionally speaking in my 20s I landed on phrases that became “Fredisms.” One of my better known was “Laugh or get high blood pressure.” Over the years the material developed greater depth, but the truth of those early chestnuts still holds true.

This week consider: 1) How easily do I laugh? 2) What makes me laugh? 3) When do I best use humor in social situations?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor is communal.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A cheerful heart brings good healing, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 9, 2023

Fred had no patience with those who complained, “I’m bored!” whether voiced by a child or adult. He and Mary Alice handled their responses differently when hearing those words from the children: Fred encouraged study, thought, or writing while Mary Alice could immediately think of a household task which would cure any amount of boredom.

Nothing To Do

Boredom is the dry rot of our souls. It comes when we feel what we are doing isn’t worth the time, isn’t interesting, challenging, or entertaining. I find boredom can be the result of living too efficiently, and less effectively. That is, when our life becomes a series of habits and routines, drying up our creative juices.

Oftentimes children say to their parents, “I’m bored!” The best answer for that is one question: “What are you going to do about it?” We must learn early in life it is our responsibility to handle that emotion. It is not the job of others to keep our life interesting.

An extended state of boredom opens a door into pseudo-sophistication or melancholy. We refuse to lift ourselves by our emotional bootstraps our of the quagmire. Here are three actions I have suggested to those who come to me with the “I am bored” complaint.

1) Break off the repetitive pattern of life. In other words, make a change that will help us use our minds, and not just be habitual. Routines are helpful, but they can also lead to malaise.

2) Add something good to your life. Start a new activity, begin a new hobby, see the old things in new ways, and do something specifically helpful for others each day. I sat down with a young person with the “boring” words. I challenged him to make a list of all the activities he could name in five minutes that would bring positive change. With no hesitation, a list of nearly ten developed. Remember, the more bored you are, the less interesting you are as a person. As you start a personal development program, you will become interested and then interesting.

3) Take something bad out of your life. We all have things that need correcting. Eliminating a sedentary lifestyle, an unhealthy diet, or lazy mental activity – these are places to begin. Some of us may need to stop activities that are just busyness adding nothing to the quality of our lives. Surely you can find something to throw out. Mary Alice and I spent a New Year’s Eve in Naples, Italy. We were surprised as the new year arrived, people stood on balconies up and down the street throwing items out of windows and over balconies. Why? Traditionally they threw items away they didn’t want to carry into the new year. It seemed everyone had something to jettison.

As we war against boredom in our personal lives, we might think about what we need to throw out. And as we analyze our blah attitude we must accept the responsibility of poor self-management because boredom is a sure sign and symptom.

This week think carefully about: 1) How often do I feel bored? 2) What do I do to create energy and enthusiasm? 3) What score would I give myself on personal self-management?

Words of Wisdom: “Boredom is the dry rot of our souls.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I am weary of my life; I will complain freely without restraint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.” ( Job 10:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 25, 2023

Fred believed vision is a key element of strong leadership. His thoughts on vision generate thought and conversation. This week’s email highlights his response to a question about the nature of vision as part of a healthy, mature life.

Seeing and Leading

A journalist recently asked me about my thinking on vision. I think he expected me to give reasons for a lifelong plan with an overarching theme. But I don’t believe a vision has to be set for life. I think a vision can be crafted for periods of time and for specific areas. For example, a young athlete might envision a professional career. However, skill and experience don’t match up to the demands and expectations. The vision must change. And wise professional athletes might realize the vision of elite performance, but age or injury will inevitably end that career – and the vision, though complete, must change. The saavy athlete makes plans for the next stage of life, not assuming to ride the coattails of athletic performance sustain them after playing.

I now see many of my friends who had a strong vision for executive success – and attained it. But retirement came. The vision which motivated and generated energy is now a fait accompli. A new picture of the future must absolutely be developed.

One exception is the vision of who we want to be as men and women of character… that vision can be lifelong, and should be. In fact, we should be growing in maturity the older we get. The picture we have of ourselves should include a clear idea of who we are becoming, not just what we are doing.

I find it helpful to seriously survey my life as I age, recognizing the key areas of interest and activity. It is sad to see older men and women madly dashing from place to place filling time and trying to satisfy their need for significance. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, looked at the philanthropic sector of his life and decided he only wanted to give to four outreaches. This gave focus to his giving. He expressed his thinking by writing out a clarified giving vision.

Let me say this: I believe a vision should be broad enough and far enough out in the front of us that it gives us an idea of what we want to accomplish, who we are as people, how we want to be judged, and what reputation we want to carry. All of this requires discipline and repeated assessment.

Defining who you want to be as a person should be foundational, and many of the aspirations and dreams can be expansive. But all visions should be consistent with who we want to be during each stage of our lives – and how we want to be remembered when it is our time to go.

This week think carefully about: 1) What are my current visions for myself as related to family, career, friends, and faith? 2) How can I effectively assess my current vision? 3) Who do I respect with clear vision?

Words of Wisdom: “The picture we have of ourselves should include a clear idea of who we are becoming, not just what we are doing.”

Wisdom from the Word: “There are many plans in a person’s mind, but it is the counsel of the LORD that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 18, 2023

Fred often crafted his own word usage. This week’s message demonstrates one of his favorites: “residue.” Despite its current negative connotation, Fred used it to describe legacy. Rather than a sludgy deposit, he employed it to describe what we leave behind when we die.

Leaving Good Behind

As a young man I thought much about what I wanted to leave behind when I died. Growing up as the son of a pastor in the mill district of Nashville, I had no social position, no accumulated wealth, and not even a college education. But I knew I had been given talents and skills which it was my job to develop. One day I walked into a cemetery and studied the tombstones. After awhile I sat down on a bench and considered what I wanted on my own when the time came. “He stretched others” were the words that came to mind. I didn’t know how that would set a direction for my life, but I knew that was the aim.

The question is: “What residue do I want to leave when I go?” What future activities should I engage in to achieve this? For me this meant investing in individuals, not institutions.

Once I was introducing Ray Bolger at the Convention Center in Las Vegas. To prepare I went to “catch his act.” It was one of the most touching, philosophical dance numbers I have ever seen. He came on stage alone with the orchestra out of sight in the pit. He paid homage to the greatest dancers of all time by demonstrating snippets of their famous routines. For example, he danced up steps like Bill Robinson; and jumped from one surface to another like Fred Astaire. Then in a dim light he very poignantly said, “Each of the greatest left a little something on the floor.”

They were unique, leaving a residue of their art. Suddenly and silently the lights went out and a pencil-point spot picked up a lone stool sitting on the stage. On top of the stool were Ray Bolger’s shoes. His voice sounded, “When I go I would like to leave a little something on the floor.” Of course, the audience broke out in applause. He was saying what we all hope secretly – to leave a residue of life for others to follow.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do I want to leave behind? 2) How well will I finish? 3) Who can I help think through the importance of legacy?

Words of Wisdom: “What residue do I want to leave when I go?”

Wisdom from the Word: “O LORD, your name endures, your reputation, O LORD, lasts.” (Psalm 135:13 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 11, 2023

Fred often asked his children “Are you pleased with the direction you are going?” Then he would talk about “revectoring,” and the impact of even a miniscule change in long range direction.

Setting the Course

“What direction do I want my life to take?” That simple question is a major key to meaning. I personally am much more concerned with the direction than the goal. Whether it is business, ministry, or even family relations, I see people set goals, accomplish them, and too often put a period afterwards. A popular 1960s vocalist sang “Is That All There Is?” Reaching a goal can temporarily deflate momentum. Many express the idea that the joy was in the journey, not the checking it off a list.

I walked through the den where the family was watching TV. A commercial came on featuring an animated character slurping through a straw. The tag line played: “That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.” Apparently the chocolate-flavored milk drinking rabbit hit the bottom of the glass and kept on sucking on the straw. I don’t know if it sold product, but it was a catchy description of frustration. When the emphasis is on goals, not direction, we set people up for that “sad sound.”

Goals should be touchpoints along the trajectory of our stated direction to measure our progress, not an end in themselves.
An outstanding young friend called to tell me after reading my great undiscovered classic You and Your Network sat down and wrote four pages outlining his direction with plans for implementation. At 44 he outlined what would define his direction, setting near term and intermediate goals to maintain the direction, not serve as terminal points.

The Apostle Paul said, “This one thing I do…” He knew the secret of the direction of his life. He did not say “I am going to win 2,000, organize 14 churches.” He set his direction as knowing and serving Christ, crucified.

I like to interpret the word “righteousness” as “rightness.” When I say the rightness of God I mean we accept God’s definition of right and wrong. In the scripture we are told not to conform to this world. But actually I see an awful lot of Christians who think they are avoiding conformity if they sin slower than the modern society. They think as long as they stay on the conservative side of the population they are living as Christians. But this is counter to scripture and distorts the direction.

When we measure our progress by what the world deems acceptable we are taking a wrong turn on our decision to live for Christ as our direction. It is critical to stop and assess, “Am I satisfied with the direction I am taking?” If not, it is time to make adjustments in order to avoid arriving at a destination far afield from our original commitment.

This week think carefully: 1) When was the last time I assessed my life direction? 2) How easy is it for me to become goal oriented and lose sight of the theme of my life? 3) What is foundational and non-negotiable for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Goals should be touchpoints along the trajectory of our stated direction to measure our progress, not an ends in themselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead.” (Philippians 3:13 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 28, 2023

Fred respected gracious men and women. One of his favorites was the wife of Phoenix executive. In commenting on her way of drawing people to her through her attitude she responded, “Fred, thank you for noticing. I have dedicated it to Jesus Christ.” Her graciousness was her witness.

Why gracious?

I remember a fellow saying, “If I treated my wife as well as I treat yours, she would be the happiest woman in the world.” I have repeated that in public numerous times, drawing a laugh without fail because there seems to be truth in it.

Graciousness is like anything else – you have to genuinely desire it. Sarcasm, negative remarks, and critical attitudes aren’t consistent with graciousness. If you want to play the piano, you practice; make money, you work where money is to be made; have muscles, you work out in the gym.

In acquiring a gracious spirit there is a struggle to diminish the value of this attitude. This is where we understand the source of all gifts and develop a humble attitude. The best definition of humility I have ever heard is: humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through you and not from you. (Note: at this point Fred would regularly pause and say, “may I repeat that?” It is hard to type this and not wait for him to repeat it.)

Self-righteousness has false humility or the actions of faking humility. That is actually lying.

A magazine interviewer once asked me: “Fred, what is the benefit of being gracious?” I answered: “In the first place, it makes the quality of life so much better. Just like architecture shouldn’t just be utilitarian, life should have beauty, as well. Some argue that being abrupt and direct saves times and gets things done. I disagree. I think time saved by avoiding conflict is time saved in the long run. An important benefit is that it reflects God. That, in itself, is worthwhile for mankind. But we must be careful to see it as an outgrowth of our faith, not just an element of a courteous culture. I grew up in the “gracious South,” but I am not convinced it was always the quality that comes from God, but an environmental atmosphere.

This week think carefully about: 1) How gracious would my family, my colleagues, my church friends say I am? 2) What words would I use to describe a gracious person? 3) Where do I see graciousness in scripture?

Words of Wisdom: “Humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through me, not from me.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near!” (Philippians 4:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 14, 2023

Fred was a student of humor. In fact, he was a philosophical analyst of its use – and abuse. He wanted to write an entire book on it, but didn’t. However, he put thoughts down as part of an interview which is excerpted this week.

Humor for All Seasons

Humor is a good way to stay connected with me. One of my long time friends’ networks sends clippings, cartoons, and funny stories. We find a quick smile is a fine way to communicate. There are days when a good cartoon is the right fit.

I feel strongly it is good to use humor to take responsibility for relieving embarrassing, tense, or combative situations. When you can do good it is important to use humor correctly. In these situations you could be improving relationships, giving time for parties to think, and probably giving a psychological break. These are healthy uses.

Someone who insists on telling a story whether it fits or not, or serves a purpose or not is abusive. This is taking up the time of others without bringing something positive to the situation. A person who tries to be funny is usually a humor abuser. I have been in social events when one attendee dominated with puny attempts at being humorous. He was not adding to the atmosphere – he was doing nothing but wanting attention and control. A friend of mine told me he was the kind of man who would say, “Here I am doing all the talking and telling you all about myself when what I want is for you to be talking… about me!”
I can tell much about a person’s character, and especially humility. Self-deprecating humor can be helpful, but it has to have a point. Father Hesburgh, President of Notre Dame tells of the time during the 1960s and the Hippies. When demonstrators tried to take over the campus he met with the leaders. He offered his hand but the man refused. After the conversation the Dean who met with them said, “Father, I would have kicked them in the pants. Why didn’t you?” The President said, “My job isn’t to kick students but to educate them.” He took a backseat to pull the stinger.

Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.

This week think carefully about: 1) How do I use humor in business, family, social activities? 2) When do I laugh most heartily? 3) Who do I know who uses humor well?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with gladness.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)