Weekly Thought – September 4, 2018

Fred spent his entire life studying communication. He learned from men in all areas, including business, arts, preaching, and medical practice. He was a lifelong learner focusing his attention on principles which he incorporated into his business and professional life, as well as his Christian lay experiences.

On September 1st Fred would have been 103. We are thankful his influence continues and we thank you for your ongoing support.

Discipline of Communication

Every leaders spends a good part of the day in communication. A good many books are written on the how-to rules of communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the techniques. Almost any two people who want to talk together can. Often people who are unable to converse successfully are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.

Motivation largely depends on communication and the difference between a good team and a great one is the element of inspired motivation. The difference between a poor team and a good one is generally selection and organization. Any organization with the capability of moving to good can take the next step to great with the proper understanding and use of effective motivation.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words, 2) the choice of words, 3) the sounds of the words, and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively which is akin to staying silent while reloading while the other is shooting. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotion which permits the listener to evaluate on more than a surface level.

Reading body language, seeing what is between the lines, and the ability to grasp the “question behind the question” as one business consultant puts it are all factors in effective listening. In our culture, talking over with a testy, combative attitude has become the acceptable behavior. Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say our political and relational problems would be solved if we really understood what the other one was saying. Not so. In fact, if we really understood what the other was saying we might see we have even deeper disagreements.

Hearing and understanding the words, intent, and purpose are critical to communication, but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) What is my strongest communication skill? 2) How often do I think communication automatically moves toward agreement? 3) When do I struggle being a good listener?

Words of Wisdom: “Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 21, 2018

Fred’s ability to assess people and situations enabled him to effectively consult with corporations, ministries, and family businesses. One of his great principles: “Everyone is logical if you understand their fundamental operating basis. Once you have identified this, their decisions make sense.”

BWFLI is moving quickly into the fall season for the What’s Next Roundtable. Teams are forming and preparations are being made by our fine schools. Please continue praying.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of one of my clients with whom I enjoyed a long time relationship. He was one of my favorite people. I reached over and took two pieces of scratch paper from the pad on his desk. I gave him one piece of paper and I told him, “Sam, write down on that paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to this organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

You have to have a pretty good understanding of a client to do this. Years of trust allow this kind of transparency. It is a very good exercise.

Do you know when we turned the face up they were almost diametrically opposite? The thing that I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was opposite what he wanted me to do. What he was expecting wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar opposite expectations. Think of the implications of continuing with both of us going full steam ahead with such a lack of understanding. And I could imagine other clients, family members, business associates that I didn’t know as well. How often had I operated assuming I knew exactly what was expected only to find I was traveling in the wrong direction at 70 miles an hour. As I considered this, situations came to mind which were created simply by the failure to clarify expectations.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? How often does this occur without our knowledge? How often do business deals fall apart and nobody really knows why? Sadly, how many parent/child or husband/wife relationships falter because each is operating fully thinking they know what the other wants, but without clarifying before going ahead with decisions.

Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.

This week think about: 1) Who needs me to clarify expectations? 2) How can I most effectively ascertain the assumptions of others? 3) What skills do I need to develop to best clarify relationships?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God—with skill, with understanding, with knowledge, and in all kinds of work,” (Exodus 35:31 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 7, 2018

Fred once sent his daughter a scrap of paper with just a few words: “Brenda, opportunity is not mandate.” He was trying to succinctly tell her every open door did not necessarily require walking through. Fred considered every decision carefully, rarely letting impulse interfere with the process.

The BWFLI Roundtable schedule for fall is robust. Teams will be in Kentucky, Texas, and Illinois. Keep praying and supporting financially when possible. Each gift is gratefully received and carefully used.

Call or Mandate

There’s a difference between a mandate and a call. A call is personal; it comes to the individual. A mandate is collective, corporate. The mandate is the organization’s reason for being; the call is the individual’s reason for service.

A leader needs to have a sense of call, and dedication, to serve effectively. Prison evangelist Bill Glass emphasizes this in training his prison counselors. “You have volunteered to be a counselor, but you have dedicated your life to personify Christ in this prison.” He goes through a litany of experience that might exasperate, even frighten, a volunteer ( e.g. getting cussed out, having urine thrown at him, or hostile body language shown). The dedicated counselor will hang in and not be driven out by these behaviors.

A call may change. A person might sense a call to a different organization, or a different form of service. Sometimes I think the call may lead someone out of ministry.

Recently I talked with a pastor in Iowa whose primary ministry was in the teaching role in a church populated by older, long-time Christians. I asked him how he was doing and he admitted he was very unhappy. And not surprisingly, so was the congregation. I asked him, “What is your real love?”
“Winning people to Christ” was his quick, passionate answer.

“In your saint-saturated organization,” I said, “there are probably very few who haven’t heard and responded to the Gospel. When you get up to preach you don’t see anyone who needs salvation. By gift, you are an evangelist. Have you considered leaving the vocational ministry and going back to automobile sales where you are constantly in touch with unsaved people?”

“That’s when I was the happiest,” he said.

He let his ego, family demands, and social expectations push him into seminary and the pastorate. I later checked on him. He resigned from the church, went bac into sales, and is extremely happy and effective. His call “to win souls” did not match the organizational mandate to do expositional preaching for mature Christians.

Many I know need to seriously determine if their call and their organization’s mandate are in sync.

This week carefully consider: 1) How did I recognize my call? 2) What is the primary mandate of my workplace? 3) Who in my environment can help me analyze the fit?

Words of Wisdom: “A leader needs to have a sense of call, and dedication, to serve effectively.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Nevertheless, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each person, so must he live. I give this sort of direction in all the churches.” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 24, 2018

Fred valued his friendships and peer relationships. His generosity of time and mental energy endeared him to those around him. He once said he was going to the grave with a lifetime of confidences. He could be trusted to be who he said he would be and certainly trusted to do what he said he would do.

Fall 2018 is quickly filling with What’s Next Roundtable events. The excitement about sharing experiences and Fred’s ideas on mentoring, networking, and persevering grows week by week.

Responsibilities to Our Peers

I see two clear ways we can benefit our friends and peers:

1) Be an individualist. Oftentimes when I am lecturing to college students, I toy with them a bit by asking all those who feel they are non-conformists to hold up their hands. Without fail, nearly 95% of the audience raise their hands. I always laugh, if only to myself.

Actually, a conformist and non-conformist are the same personality types because they are both outer directed. They both form their opinion and behavior by finding out where the “in” line forms. The non-conformist wants to know where the line is, so he won’t be in it, just as the conformist wants to know where the line is to make sure he is first in the queue. They are just two sides of the same personality.

The nature of an individualist is having a friendly attitude, being part of what is going on, while not jeopardizing their values. He hopes the peer group is right and joins them enthusiastically, but removes himself if they are wrong. He takes the responsibility of challenging the peer group.

2) Be redemptive. When I have the opportunity, my responsibility is to be redemptive. Transformation isn’t just a personal process designed for me alone; it is a process I participate in for the benefit of my peer group. I am responsible for creating an atmosphere of redemption. The ultimate is bringing God’s power to the people and situations in which we find ourselves. I define redemption as simply evil with good wherever we are.

Being redemptive is played out in the Biblical analogies of salt and light. Chasing away darkness is not the function of light; it is to provide an atmosphere for clear sight. When we are salt, we are a preservative – we preserve the rightness of life. We also bring a constructive attitude to our peer group.

Redemption takes discipline. I do not pray for miracles, but rather a willingness to join God in His process or working out matters. Prayer is not for me to change God, but for me to conform to Him. Biblical principles discipline our thinking and our contribution to our peer group. I believe there is a genuine gift in delineating the principles in order to face the day to day situations with discernment.

This week think about: 1) How am I bringing redemption to each of my environments? 2) What am I doing to clearly hold to my principles? 3) Who models these principles for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Transformation isn’t just a personal process designed for me alone; it is a process I participate in for the benefit of my peer group.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When David finished offering burnt sacrifices and peace offerings, he pronounced a blessing over the people in the Lord’s name. (1 Chronicles 16:2 NET Bible)