Weekly Thought – July 30, 2024

Fred enjoyed a reputation for asking questions which clarified, directed, and discerned. However, he never asked questions which were intrusive or inappropriate. Human interaction and communication was of particular interest to him and he valued them.

Interested, Not Curious

Sharing is built on confidence by friends who have a deep, sincere interest in each other. Note that I said “interest,” not “curiosity.” I am turned off by people who are curious about me, but I am irresistibly drawn to the person who is interested, accepting me for who an what I am. So often we confuse interest in people with curiosity about people. But there’s a vast difference between the two!

Interest has a positive, helpful, outgoing implication, while curiosity is self-centered. Seeing and hearing about a person can scratch the curiosity itch, but interest requires an affirmative effort with a desire for the good of the other person.

Now, there’s a heavy streak of curiosity in all of us, but it is a trait that must be bridled in the tender atmosphere of friendship. No subtlety or cleverness can conceal curiosity for it reveals itself in the type of questions asked. For example, if a person asks an executive curious questions about his business, the fences will go up and no true relationship can exist. Confidence is impaired because questions asked out of curiosity are blatant revealers of selfish motives.

Without a climate where confidences can be shared, there can be no genuine friendship. It is vital that friends be able to trust one another implicitly, and the very desire or willingness to be known and to know the other person is an integral part of friendship.

Authentic friendship demands the willingness to have a question go unanswered – or possibly even unasked.

This week think carefully about: 1) How do I recognize when I am substituting curiosity for interest? 2) Who is a good example of crafting helpful questions? 3) What is my strongest asset to bring to a friendship?

Words of Wisdom: “Interest has a positive, helpful, outgoing implication, while curiosity is self-centered.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The righteous person is cautious in his friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 23, 2024

Fred kept an Albert Einstein quote in his office: “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Fred loved the beauty of “how things work.” His fascination with machinery was well known to his family as he found his own solutions for mechanical problems around the house. Fred rarely watched TV, and never sat through a movie. These words are unusual, indeed… but helpful.

Conversational Simplicity

One night as I was going to bed Mary Alice had an old black and white western movie on. In it a taciturn thirtyish farmer marries a woman who is dying. The farmer promises to raise her baby boy. As she was dying he told her he wanted to build her a three room home with a porch where they could sit and rock under the hackberry tree. He did take the baby boy and raised him with a single dedication.

I was taken by the simplicity of the man, his singleness of purpose, and his absolute commitment. There were no psychological arguments in his life. He took the boy to raise; he accepted her death; and he buried her. These people required very little conversation because their commitment was total, simple, direct, and all-consuming.

It is hard to verbalize the elegance of the man when he told a dying woman of the house plans. His comment to the crying baby was, “I’ll raise you good if it takes every breath in my body.”

The simplicity of the conversation was part of the man. He would say “howdy” without embellishment. In the film his conversation was never more than two or three words… certainly made it easy on the script writer! One of his longest sentences was to the growing man as he enters manhood. “When you grow up I’ll buy you a gun, and we’ll shoot chicken hawks together.” When the man died, one of the other farmers said, “We never knew how much love was in him.”

The farmer said things simply, not feeling he had to justify or rationalize or make himself look good by his conversation. Much of urban conversation is impressing, embellishing, and striving for attention. Most talk to impress, not express.

The truth simply spoken is a brilliant jewel in an elegant Tiffany mounting… understated yet always appropriate.

Contrary to my challenge to others to stretch their experiences, the simple farmer in this movie built a significant life through the purposeful dedication to his son. The lessons he taught that young man probably equipped him for a good life. He knew the value of communicating beyond the limitation of words.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I with my words? 2) Who do I know who speaks little but says much?3) What commitments have I made that have changed my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We should talk to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Words: “A time to rip, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 18, 2023

Fred took his gifts seriously. He knew discernment, and understanding of human relations was a big part of his giftedness. Consequently, he collected stories like some people collect sports memorabilia. A section of an old binder has a section labeled “stories.” This week will be a few excerpts – enjoy.

Traveling with Fred

In Blowing Rock (North Carolina) last week there were numbers of old people. I don’t mind getting older but I would hate to get old. Most of them were there simply to escape the heat and enjoy the comfort of the cool mountain air. One night while gathered on the gazebo we were trying to get acquainted since none of us had ever met. I asked each of the men if they missed their work. One of them said, “for about thirty minutes.” We laughed. Another said that work, to him, was a dirty word. Then I asked them, “Now without work, how do you keep your minds alive?” My question was like inviting an illegitimate child to the family reunion.

Eating in a country café in Grand Saline (TX), there was a fortyish couple sitting in the next booth. Obviously they were farm people. When he got up to pay the bill he came back to her, stood for a minute, then reached down and lifted her up as she put her arms around his neck. He backed out of the door putting her in the pickup parked out front, and I saw she had a full body cast on and was unable to stand. As we all watched silently, the waitress commented, “He took his vows seriously, didn’t he?”

Shortly after the elder Wallenda fell to his death in 1978 his wife recalled, “All Carl thought about for three straight months prior to it was falling. It was the first time he had ever thought about that and it seemed to me that he put all his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope.” When he poured all his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope he was virtually destined to fall. I see this in those who dedicate themselves to a legalistic lifestyle…I call it the Wallenda Effect.

Haddon Robinson said his father, who lived on the northern coast of Ireland, would watch the tremendous storms. They would see a ship fighting to make its way to shore. Someone would say, “Will it make it?” Then another would say, “Yes, that ship was made by Tommy Harrison and it will make it in.”

Once a famous father took a day off and took his son fishing. In his journal he wrote, “This day was largely wasted fishing.” His son, who later became a highly successful entrepreneur also kept a journal. In looking back he saw the entry: “This was one of the best days of my life. I spent went fishing with my father.”

This weekly carefully consider: 1) What are stories from my day to day that come to mind? 2) What lessons have I learned? 3) How can I become more aware of the people and the stories of those around me?

Words of Wisdom: “Now without work, how do you keep your minds alive?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Finally, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, affectionate, compassionate, and humble.” (1 Peter 3:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 30, 2022

Fred believed in the development of personal, internal devotion. However, one of the key elements was the importance of Christian fellowship. During his lifetime he thoroughly enjoyed experiences at the Laymen’s Leadership Institute, Fellowship at Barkley, church retreats nationwide, and of course the Spiritual Emphasis Weeks on Baptist campuses in the 1950s and 60s.

Strength Through Fellowship

Our devotional life cannot be just an individual matter between us and God. It must be worked out and built up in the community of fellow believers. We have to come down from the Mount of Transfiguration into the valley where the sinews and muscles of our faith are developed.

When we pray “our Father” we are talking family, community, and body. On my wall I have a beautiful little sketch done with one line incorporating the words, “Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of God.” We are to share.

As Christians, we can become fully formed friends. I, like you, have a number of non-believing friends. We can certainly share common experiences and great memories, but nothing like I can with my dear friend Jim. When he calls he almost always begins, “Hey, brother.” We have a depth of relation that goes past ordinary acquaintances.

A good friend is struggling with a new son-in-law who is adjusting poorly to marriage and their family. The young man has come several times to hear me speak and has watched the friendship between his father-in-law and me. He asked if he could have lunch. Usually I tell people to meet me at Cindi’s at 6am but because he was coming from out of state I agreed. We talked and then he went back home. He told his father-in-law, “You and Fred are friends. Never in my life have I ever had a friend like that.” He is missing the foundational piece of the friendship – faith in Christ.

Unfortunately, many men are devoid of full friendships. They have golfing buddies, college friends, and business associates, but to find someone with a deeper connection is rare. When I spend weekends on men’s retreats one of the goals is to open up the conversation about Christian devotion and the need for genuine fellowship. The activities, daily contacts, and programs are designed to open up opportunities to begin.

As we serve one another and accept service from one another we grow in devotion. This isn’t always easy – our ego doesn’t handle receiving help and service well.

These are financially hard times (note: 1980s) in Dallas. Those with great losses are suffering emotionally. They cannot believe they are accepted without their financial resources. These are the times for us to share the burdens of others, and also to learn to receive the care of the body. That is fellowship – and the path to true devotion.

This week think about: 1) How deep are my friendships within the body of Christ? 2) What can I do to stretch myself spiritually? 3) Who is a true fully-formed friend in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to come down from the Mount of Transfiguration into the valley where the sinews and muscles of our faith are developed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I was glad about the arrival of Stephanus, Fortunatus, and Achaicus because they have supplied the fellowship with you that I lacked.” (1 Corinthians 15:16 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 19, 2022

Fred spoke frequently to singles’ church groups. Often participants would seek his advice, seeing him as a “father figure.” Forgiveness is often a foundational part of the conversations. This week’s message is an illustration gleaned from one of these weekends.

The Joy of Forgiveness

After a session with a singles’ group a young woman approached me with a distraught countenance. She began telling me of moving to her current town, taking a new job, and making a poor decision. I always ask if I can help, but I never begin asking direct questions of hurting people.

She told me of an affair with a married man. Then she asked me questions: “Fred, do you think God will take revenge on me? Do you think he will keep me from getting married? Do you think I will ever be clean again?” I told her of God’s forgiveness.

I then asked her “Are you willing to accept that this is your problem and no one else?” She admitted it was. Then I continued, “Can you admit this is sin and not a mistake?” Mistakes can be humanly corrected but sin requires repentance and God’s forgiveness. Then I asked, “Do you want to be giving up the benefits of this sin? Do you want to be clear of this?”
She looked down then said, “Yes, but I don’t know if I can or not.”

My response surprised her. “Until you say ‘yes, right now.’ Nothing is going to change.” You are going to hurt whether you give him up or not. If you do, I think you can probably count on about two years of hurting. Don’t buy into the false teaching that promises you will be happy, jumping around, and skipping for joy because you gave him up. You will hurt, but you will hurt with hope.

If you don’t give him up, you will keep on hurting, but without hope. There is a big difference.”

I never heard from her again, but she did write down the words: “Hurt with hope, or hurt without hope.”

The joy of forgiveness which follows repentance and turning from sin is a gift available to all believers. I hope she found the way of hope.

A few years later after speaking in another state a couple came up to speak. The woman said, “Fred, I was in an audience when you told this story. I was in her situation, and I chose to hurt with hope. I walked away and my husband and I are now happily restored. The ripples of God’s grace continue going out.”

This week carefully consider: 1) How do Fred’s words speak to me? 2) What can I learn about listening to hurting people? 3) Who comes to mind who needs these words of “hurting with hope?”

Words of Wisdom: “Hurt with hope or hurt without hope.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The sacrifice God desires is a humble spirit— O God, a humble and repentant heart you will not reject.” (Psalm 51:17 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 28,2022

Fred valued friendships and worked hard to nurture them. Networking wasn’t a commercial endeavor – it was relational. In our common vernacular we ordinarily use “relationships,” but Fred was partial to “relation.”

Qualities of Excellent Relations

Relations require time – quality time, not just habitual or ritual appointments. This time should be applied within the moving scene of life. In business terms time in relationships is like applying working capital to create the most good at the right time.

Mature relations also require compromise. As unique individuals, these compromises are between people with varying upbringing, traditions, ideas of what life should be, past experiences, and goals for the future. When we can find areas of overlap, the relation may develop more naturally.

I am often asked about man to man friendships, My answer is: “when the little boy in me likes the little boy in you we can begin developing a friendship.” Men generally establish relations through working on projects together, whether in career, community service, or church. One of my long-time business colleague retired. We knew we wanted the friendship to continue so we agreed to serve together on a corporate board. This gave us common experiences, opportunities to strategize, spend time profitably, and deepen an already well-established friendship. We subsequently served on several Christian ministry boards, as well as other corporate consulting situations which lasted until his death.

Another key element of strong relations is the sharing of friends. It is one of my joys to know that a friend of mine should know another one. Often networking has a negative connotation with the idea of using others for personal advantage. I am total disagreement. I am convinced of the profound benefit of connecting others for their own good. One of my friends is considered a premier networker, known nationwide for his ability to identify potential relationships. He constantly keeps in mind “who do I know who should know Fred?” Knowing his desire for good to emerge gives me a great sense of responsibility in these introductions.

The cultivation of relations is not casual, nor random. It requires great thought and discipline. The outcome is difficult to quantify. To stop and see the work accomplished through decades of friendships brings satisfaction. To know healthy, mature relations are part of my life goal of stretching others gives me confidence I can be helpful and productive.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do my friends have in common?2) How do I think about the value of connecting friends?3) Which of my friends should know each other?

Words of Wisdom: “Relations require time – quality time, not just habitual or ritual appointments.”

Wisdom from the Word: “They help one another; one says to the other, ‘Be strong!’“ (Isaiah 41:6 Net Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 17, 2022

Fred cultivated and nurtured relationships. Networking for him wasn’t a business strategy – it was an effective means of living out his goal of stretching others. He was an excellent friend. He held confidences; he prayed for them; he connected them with others; and he believed in them.

Relationships

Relationships are not homogeneous. The variety resembles the diversity of garden flowers. Some bring color while others are known for their aromas. Some are like cacti because they can survive contrary conditions. Some take a long time to develop and bloom but are long lasting.

A few friends are for all seasons but most are for a particular season. It is important to know the seasons of our relationships. And just as important is the ability to understand every friendship doesn’t endure forever. This doesn’t diminish the effectiveness, the contribution, or the value. I hear people say, “I used to be friends with him.” I refuse to think like that. Friendships are always alive, even if only in a certain timeframe, situation, or environment. We do not bury a relationship just because the season has changed. We appreciate and remember their blooms.

I am convinced friendships must have mutual benefit as the foundational element. Of course in every mutual relationship there are pluses and minuses, contributions and embarrassments, agreements and conflicts… but in the end the mutuality must be solidly built on the net good to all.

God created man for relationship with Himself. We see the mutuality in that God gives us His best, and in perfect communion, man returns his best to God. It is important to understand we don’t offer our best in order to gain favor, salvation, or ongoing fellowship. God so loved that He gave… His best is exactly that – His best. But we can respond in gratitude by offering everything that we can as a gift back to Him.

God wanted that communion so much that when it was broken, Christ came to restore it for man is precious to the Father.
It is important to understand that mutuality does not demand equality of contribution but the commitment in which each does his best for the other. We see this in friendships, in family, in business associations – and in the love of God in Christ.

This week carefully think about: 1) How do I chronicle my history of friendships? 2) What makes me a good friend? 3) Where do I need to improve my intentional development of mutual benefit?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced friendships must have mutual benefit as the foundational element.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Even if the mountains are removed and the hills displaced, my devotion will not be removed from you, nor will my covenant of friendship be displaced,” says the LORD, the one who has compassion on you.” (Isaiah 54:10 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 16, 2021

Fred published his first book in the mid-80s titled You and Your Network. At that time the concept of networking had a negative connotation suggesting manipulation. Fred’s lifework as a man who introduced friends to friends for mutual benefit built a foundation for a fundamental shift in its definition.

In the late 1970s Holly Lake Chapel in East Texas assembled a devotional booklet, asking members and friends to contribute short, encouraging pieces. Although not a member, Fred and Mary Alice were homeowners at the Holly Lake Ranch community and frequent attendees of the Chapel. Fred’s brief devotional speaks to the value of introductions.

Friend to Friend

Great things come from introductions. Andrew brought his brother to Jesus. What a connection that was with eternal implications. Barnabas introduced Paul to the apostles. This one was a lesson in timing because the leaders were not prepared to accept Paul immediately into the fellowship. God’s plan worked out as Paul then introduced the gentiles to Jesus.

Do you remember who introduced you to your spouse? It is a special privilege to be part of the chemistry which occurs when friends meet friends and click.

Therefore, I want to use my ink in this devotional endeavor of the Holly Lake Chapel as an introduction to one of my friends: Oswald Chambers.

In 1956 Orean Howard, wife of a leading management executive, gave a copy of My Utmost for His Highest to Mary Alice and me. Her enthusiasm in his writing and impact, as well as our respect for her spiritual maturity, urged us to begin a daily reading habit. (Editor’s note: by the time Fred and Mary Alice both transferred to heaven they wore out 5 copies of this little devotional book).

Chambers helps us to confront materialism maturely. So often we begin believing materialism is our national religion, even putting Christian faith in the shadows. Individuals begin to fit into a rating system for business, society, or athletics. Tragically, we see the church fall prey to this system, giving preference to the big givers and well placed members. Swimming in that pool can be dangerous, leading to drowning.

Oswald Chambers, by his admonition helped me establish a healthy viewpoint: “Sit loose to things.” In the late 1960s I lost a significant client and a major part of my annual income. Thanks to Chambers my first thought was “sit loose, Fred.” Nothing prohibits us from working, earning, and enjoying. But they are a tool, not an idol.

That experience let me practice what Chambers taught: I am more than what I own.

Year by year and day by day the power of introduction becomes even more clear. It is my desire that Oswald Chambers will become your friend and his practical wisdom will create a platform for successful living.

This week begin to think about: 1) What is one of the key introductions in my life? 2) Who is a strong influencer, helping me to smooth the rough places? 3) How can I develop my ability to introduce those who need to know each other?

Words of Wisdom: “Sit loose to things!”

Wisdom from the Word: “Here is a misfortune on earth that I have seen: Wealth hoarded by its owner to his own misery.” (Ecclesiastes 5:13 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 6, 2020

Fred studied people. And along with daily research he enjoyed scientific and psychological work. He continually thought about what made people tick. His consulting business often focused on interaction among groups of people. His instincts were a clear part of his giftedness.

In light of the COVID restrictions, these thought from Fred significantly remind us of human touch. Although we may not apply them currently, we can file them away for future activation.

Hugs Are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch; I have been studying it for several years. I became interested because the President of the Sloan-Kettering Institute said to the American Medical Association during a lecture: “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black medical valise. We know today that very little in that bag would fully heal anybody, but despite that, people got well. My Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re going to get well.” There is now an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It was the precursor to our teleconferences from my bed following my years of immobility. The students threw questions gat me. I loved the give and take. In preparation for the call, I read their student magazine. Included was a poem by Donna Swanson. It relates to touch and I included it.

When my Mother was 80 years old (on her way to 93) she began to get very wrinkled and was stooped over. It’s said old people miss tactile relationships with others because so many hesitate to touch them. I realized I stopped touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again – what a difference it made to her.

Let me share an excerpt from the poem titled Minnie Remembers by Donna Swanson.

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did those slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws… when, God?”

How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out.

I remember how my mother used to hold me, God. Oh, God, I’m so lonely.

I remember the first boy who ever kissed me. I remember Hank and the babies. Out of the fumbling awkward attempts of new lovers came the babies. And Hank didn’t seem to mind if my body thickened and faded a little. He still loved it…and touched it. And the children hugged me a lot. Oh, God, I’m lonely!

God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty, they come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me. They call me Mom, or Mother, or Grandma.”

I was at a Christian conference in Kentucky when a frumpy little woman, almost square in shape, stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to others. Speakers always watch for that. If somebody stands and waits, they have something they want to say. She walked up to me, straightened up to her full five feet of height, and said, “Would you hug me?” “Of course I will.” I reached out and gave her a big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last? I knew – a long time.”

Consider carefully this week: 1) Even though physical hugs are unacceptable in this season, how can we express closeness to others? 2) Who needs a hug from our heart this week? ) What are the signs of physical deprivation?

Words of Wisdom: “I was very happy I relearned to touch my Mother.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 19, 2020

Fred enjoyed sincere, long-lasting friendships. He knew how to be a friend, a confidant, and understood how to create excellent relationships.

Believing these wisdom emails are helpful, we ask you to share with your colleagues, friends, and family. Fred’s heartbeat was stretching others. As his words still speak truth decades after originally written, we want him to continue being helpful.

Qualities of Excellent Relations

Relations require time… quality time. This can be a limiting factor in developing serious friendships. I don’t mean habitual time, but time which adapts and adjusts to the moving scenes of life. Like capital in a business which must be applied to create the most good at the right time, relations require the same strategic action.

Mature relationships also demand compromise. Since we are all unique there will never be total overlap. There will be differences and often the compromise is exposed in traditions from our upbringing, our view of life, our past experiences, and most importantly, our perspective for the future. In good relationships, we establish a lamination of layers which allow us to bond one with the other.

In addition to time and compromise, it is necessary to share worthy projects. In my experience this is particularly true of men. We are not as apt to “do lunch,” as to work on something together. A friend with whom I worked for decades took early retirement. We knew to keep the relationship vital we must find meaningful work outside our company. We joined a corporate board together which gave us a clear reason for ongoing conversations, traveling, and making a strong contribution as a key part of the friendship. It has become a lifetime relationship which is both pleasant and profitable to others. Many of my longtime friends have served actively as Christian laymen, both in the church and parachurch organizations. Joining in Christian work together has given us opportunities to bridge life changes and grow together. We also shared the surviving and thriving of many Christian ministries.

Not only do we share projects, but we also share friends. One of life’s greater benefits is introducing friends to friends who then develop their own relationship. Building a network through the years spurs my own growth, as well as enjoying the synergy of these branches which occur. One of my dear friends Ron Glosser, former CEO of the Hershey Trust, has one of the most robust networks of any one I know. He is constantly trying to connect people in order to create a strong, productive outcome. Every time we talk he wants to know how he can pray for me, and how he can help me. He considers his network a gift of God to be used for His glory and to do much good in the world.

This week consider: 1) How intentional am I about building a helpful network? 2) Who are my best and closest friends? 3) What can I contribute to my friends?

Words of Wisdom: “In good relationships, we establish a lamination of layers which allow us to bond one with the other.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So then, my brothers and sisters, dear friends whom I long to see, my joy and crown, stand in the Lord in this way, my dear friends.” (Philippians 4:1 NET Bible)