Weekly Thought – January 12, 2021

Fred understood everyone had a mixture of clay and iron. Someone asked him how he could develop a strong friendship with a man others found difficult. “I am attracted to the magnetic draw of the iron; you are pushed away by the clay.” He knew how to measure character and highly valued integrity.

Thank you for your faithful support during 2020. Please pray for BWFLI as we approach our Christian colleges and universities, making plans for the new virtual format.

Window into Character

It would be helpful if we could have a load-limit sign on our character like those on bridges. One of my preacher friends was coming under the influence of an extremely wealthy parishioner. As my friend was plied with benefits of the relationship, the person began asking questionable favors. My friend broke off the relationship saying, “I am afraid I have a price, and you’re getting too close to it.”

Character is a set of values we have chosen to live by, and hopefully ones that will work under pressure. It reminds me of the professional golfers who speak of wanting a golf swing “that will work on Sunday,” meaning one that works under pressure.

As a leader, a friend, or a mentor, I try to validate the areas of strength or weakness in the character of those with whom I share responsibility. I have sometimes been criticized by my associates for going to what they feel are extreme lengths to ascertain this measure. I do it for a definite reason – I don’t want to be surprised. I want to know the person so I can build on his strengths and buttress his weaknesses. Since character is the foundation of relationships and accomplishments, I don’t apologize for evaluating. I prefer to do the testing when failure is not fatal.

Marines build character that will stand up under fire. They don’t want failure when it counts most. “To “give others the benefit of the doubt” sounds good, but this is not good stewardship in leadership. Napoleon said that the most dangerous general was one who fought based on fantasy. This is true of all leaders. Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.

How do I evaluate? I start with the known past. Few people change character as adults. I not only quiz the person, but also everyone who might be knowledgeable. If I am interviewing for a key role, I always interview the spouse, as well. Our close friends and family know more about our character than they might even know about our skills and talents. They don’t read our resumes they read our lives.

Stories reveal the heart. People become involved in stories. Humor draws out spontaneous reactions, which are a window into character. In the past I have been the keynote speaker for sales conferences meeting in Las Vegas. I notice that the comedians who headline always test the edge of social acceptance, especially relating to ridiculing religion and God. Listen to the audience’s reaction and you quickly get an evaluation of the crowd’s character.

Knowing the load limit on your character gives you the freedom to say no. A strongly developed character is a definite asset to experience and well-honed skills. There may be a gap in knowledge, but most failures occur because of cracks in the foundational character. As we evaluate others, it is imperative to check ourselves. Being blindsided can cause great loss, professionally and personally.

This week carefully consider: 1) What are my strengths? Weaknesses? 2) How careful am I to evaluate potential associates? 3) Where are my blind spots in assessing others?

Words of Wisdom “Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Equity and justice are the foundation of your throne. Loyal love and faithfulness characterize your rule.” (Psalm 89:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 22, 2019

Fred’s ability to ask probing questions enabled him to effectively mentor others. He also used this technique to measure his own progress. Strength of character was his hallmark. When he assessed others as business associates, integrity was the first consideration. Someone asked him how he knew he still had self-respect. “When I wake up in the middle of the night and try to talk to the little boy who lives inside who knows right and wrong, black and white, and he tells me to get lost, I know I have lost my self-respect. When he and I have a good conversation and he says, ‘You’re doing fine’ I can go back to sleep.”

Asking About Ethics

My only reason to speak is to change attitudes and behavior, both those of the audience and mine. One of the questions I like to ask is: “What is the strength of your ethics?” Let me give four questions:

1) Are you using a scriptural or a secular base? God’s law or man’s law? J.C. Penney said, “I shall not be judged by the Heavenly Father according to what I do now, by the material success I achieve. I shall be judged by the honesty of my purpose and by the spirit with which I pursue life’s duties.” He saw work as worship; he had a scriptural base.

2) Do our ethics promote our self-respect? Solzhenitsyn heard that the Dean of Canterbury was friendly to communism. He responded when he heard the man had commented “Better Red than dead,” “Better dead than a scoundrel.”

3) Does our ethical base emphasize our responsibilities or our rights? I have noticed that any individual, organization or society that emphasizes its rights is constantly in conflict with others. Responsibilities have a way of overlapping and forming a bond; rights always clash together. Those who emphasize their rights eventually become paranoid which grows into an unrealistic level of conflict. Oftentimes, their philosophy turns into “the end justifies the means.” This is immoral and cannot coexist with moral ethics.

4) What is the effect of your ethical base on the development of your character? In a conversation with a middle-aged executive I learned his fast progress up the ladder left him uneasy and dissatisfied. “Fred, I’m really not happy with who I am becoming. I’m not a better husband, a better father, a better citizen, or even a better person. I’m successful, but I’ve become phony.” Character is an inside job, and it is largely determined by the succession of choices, desires, habits, and beliefs we inculcate and personify.

Let me ask you three serious questions to contemplate: 1) Am I happy with who I am becoming? 2) Are my ethics on a firm foundation? 3 Will my anchor of ethics hold in the tempest of temptation?

Making sure of ethical mile markers is an exercise before engaging in any enterprise. Waiting until the action has begun is too late. The lines must be drawn way before day one.

This week think about: 1) How clear are my ethical standards to myself, my family, and my workplace? 2) Where are my soft spots? 3) Who serves as an accountability partner for me?

Words of Wisdom: Emphasizing responsibilities creates a bond; demanding rights separates.

Wisdom from the Word: “Yes, your servant finds moral guidance there; those who obey them receive a rich reward.” (Psalm 19:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 11, 2018

Fred’s mentor, Maxey Jarman, influenced him profoundly. He established a relationship with “Mr. Jarman” while in his twenties by seeking him out. The lessons learned and the friendship developed continued until Maxey Jarman’s death in 1979. One of the strongest elements each pursued was character.

BWFLI focuses on “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” Emphasizing the importance of character as foundational for maturity is critical to each campus visit. Keep on praying for students, faculty, staff, and administrators at this high pressure time of year.

Character Building

I have often wondered about the real motivation for character building. There are surely multiple answers and I am not ready to settle on just one. But I do know character building is like any other aspect of personal development. It starts with the genuine desire to have the real thing, not just the image of it. Too often we have the appearance, but not the reality. We see in others, and in ourselves, a hyped up version of character, but not the authenticity. Anxiety and secrecy are the price we pay for this hypocrisy.

One motivation I saw in my own mentor, Maxey Jarman, was scriptural obedience. A critical point is that this discipline is not just to the scripture, but to the Lord of the scripture. There is a subtle, but important, difference. Because Maxey saw the Bible as the inerrant, inspired word of God and not just ancient wisdom works, he knew he had no right to consider it a static document open to human interpretation. He treated it as the living Word understood through the dynamic work of the Spirit. It was not literature it was Logos.

When I think about my mentor and character I find it difficult to accurately express all the lessons he taught. Words are so wooden sometimes.

The idea of character is frequently equated with obedience. But I make a distinction between behavior and motivation. The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites. Ultimately, the attitudes differ and even the outcomes can take different directions.

Legalists become the master of the law in its application and the servant in its fulfillment. The law becomes the god while appearing to serve God. Consequently, they miss.

Character development includes a spirit of belief which is part of the act of belief. Therefore, it follows if one is to use scriptural obedience for character building one must be a student of the Word. If our nation is losing its character as many fear, I sincerely believe it must be partly due to a lessening of scriptural knowledge, study, and respect.

This week consider: 1) How disciplined am I in my scriptural obedience? 2) What can I contribute to maturity in my own environment? 3) Who is influencing my thinking and my own character?

Words of Wisdom: “The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 30, 2018

Fred enjoyed critical thinking, but worked hard to put aside a critical spirit. He analyzed his own motivations and constantly put forth an effort to stay in a “blessing frame of mind.” His perspective on criticism gives us all much to think about.

The What’s Next Roundtable is well into the fall season. Please lift up the team members, the campuses, and the desire for God to be glorified in all that is said and done.

Keeping Criticism Helpful

Recently, I tried to analyze the reasons I criticize. Three of them were negative and one was positive.

Reason one: If before ten o’clock in the morning I have been critical of everything and everybody, I stop and say: “Fred, what’s wrong with you? What are you mad at yourself about?” And generally, I have to go and make a call to apologize to somebody. My environment won’t straighten out that day until I quit being mad at myself and taking it out on everybody else. If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge. Mary Alice used to tell the children to remember when they pointed at somebody else to look at their hand and see that three fingers (and even a thumb) were pointing back at them.

The second reason: To show superior knowledge. How often does some fellow show you a great idea and you are enthusiastic but then suddenly say to yourself: “I can’t be too enthusiastic because he may feel he is as smart as I am.” That drives you to say, “Joe, that is a great idea but…” Many “yeah, buts” come from the desire to show your superiority.

The third reason: A root of negative criticism is usually a performer who didn’t make the grade. Those who start well but don’t make the A list often become critics. I have seen failed executives become toxic within an organization because their criticism becomes bitter.

Now the positive reason: A genuine desire to bring improvement in a person or organization. It can be done quietly. True, positive criticism is not done in the earshot of others. Ordinarily those who are operating in a negative criticism mode make it public and loud. Really good positive criticism is specific and directed only to the point that needs correction. When you can positively criticize you are demonstrating emotional stability as a leader.

We often hear this described as constructive and destructive criticism. In my interest to stretch others, I want to be clear about my motivations and I want to focus on keeping criticism positive.

This week think about: 1) What was my motivation the last time I criticized someone? 2) Who has been helpful in teaching me the good use of criticism? 3) How can I shift my focus from negative to positive?

Words of Wisdom: “If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The speech of the righteous bears the fruit of wisdom, but the one who speaks perversion will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 10:31 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 23, 2018

Fred’s objectivity allowed him to live without unrealistic expectations. His desire to continually “keep current” on his facts, his relationships, and his environment gave him a healthy advantage. He refused to live as a member of the “used-ta club.” He consistently checked to make sure he was up to date.

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Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of a long-time client. We worked together for many years on various projects with great success and deepening relationship. He was also one of my favorite people. The productive work outcomes would suggest we perfectly understood each other’s goals, wouldn’t it? Let me tell you about an interesting experiment and see how you can apply it to your situation.

“Good morning, Sam,” I said, reaching across his desk for two pieces of paper from his legal pad. I handed him one and kept the other for myself. “Write down on the paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to your organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

A word of caution – you have to have a time-tested relationship with a client to do this. But isn’t it a good exercise?

Do you know what happened when we turned the pages face up? The answers were diametrically opposed! The thing I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was nearly opposite what he wanted me to do, What he was expecting (and paying me to do) wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar expectations. Think about your clients, family members, friends, associates, church and community committee members. Consider how little you may know some of them, yet assume you know their expectations.

How often do we go full steam ahead sure we are “on the same page?” Consider the outcome of these times when we get down the road only to find out we were operating from different assumptions and desired outcomes.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? The consulting relationship and possibly the friendship would have suffered. Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.

Think carefully about: 1) What do I use to clarify assumptions in my work and in my family? 2) How can I identify with Fred’s example? 3) How often do I sit down with my family to make sure we are clear?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You must inscribe on the stones all the words of this law, making them clear.” (Deuteronomy 27:8 NET Bible)

Fred’s library included books on speaking, elocution, and famous orators. He studied style, delivery, and content. As a lifelong learner he focused on clarity in his speaking and writing. He enjoyed tracing philosophical thought through generations, as well.

Character Matters
Browsing through a book flea market, I found a large four hundred fifty page leather bound, gilt-edged volume of “Famous After Dinner Speeches” delivered between 1875 and 1895 in Boston and New York. After digging deeply for the nickel it cost, I took it home and began reading through them.
In those speeches were many issues completely relevant today. As I studied them I saw a common thread: dignity. “A man is honored for what he gives, not for what he gets.”
In this time (1981) I see an attack on this principle. Recent surveys show that the “I am for #1” is the primary motivator. The sale of books on aggression and winning by intimidation regardless of the effect on character have skyrocketed. We are changing our definition of good and evil. That is vital. When we redefine the base as noble, our foundational values are gone. I see this change coming quickly and needs reversing.
When I was a kid among the poor (the socially acceptable phrase is underprivileged, but all we lacked was money – we had everything else, so I prefer to say poor) even the most impoverished had respect for Christian values. We had respect for those with strong character and integrity who didn’t get rich by whatever means were available. The ends definitely did not justify the means.
America operated on Christian principles, even if the population wasn’t scripturally based and “born again.” This is evaporating. The definitions of morality are being redone. I cannot think of anything more critical than understanding the source of definitions and the way we operate.
In business, leadership responsibility is perpetuity, not net profit. Profit is important because it allows for an ongoing institution, but it isn’t the basic principle. It is the responsibility of those privileged to lead to provide for the organization to continue. Inadequate management can wreak havoc on businesses that have provided livelihoods for employees and communities alike. Often it is a lack of character, short-term thinking, and failure to understand their leadership responsibilities.
Effective leadership precedes profit. Revenue is not the goal, but a means to the goal. Chasing money alone weakens an organization and often results in short-term decisions and compromise. It creates an environment which denies the dignity of longevity and perpetuity.
A value structure which has a long-term perspective is an essential part of dignity in business and in personal living. Allowing values to deteriorate into “whatever works” is the way to failure and defeat.

This week think about: 1) Fred saw these trends in 1981. What are you seeing today that concerns you in business, home, church, and community? 2) How are you creating personal habits to live with dignity? 3) Who is a leading influencer in your life?
Words of Wisdom: “Effective leadership precedes profit.”
Wisdom from the Word: “Reuben, you are my firstborn, my might and the beginning of my strength, outstanding in dignity, outstanding in power.” (Genesis 49:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 22, 2018

Fred understood human nature better than most. He was never shocked because he grasped the depth of our depravity, but also celebrated the heights to which we could soar in the Spirit. He enjoyed thinking about philosophical elements of society. The separation of church and state is an example.

God and America

In their writings, memorials, statues, public utterances, and their deepest thoughts, our founding fathers demonstrated their faith in the Divine. When they advocated the separation of church and state were they being hypocritical? No, I think not. They simply understood it better than we do today. Separation was not to isolate or dwarf either.

We have confused the issue of religion in politics with the theory of separation. These are very different concepts which the media and unknowledgeable, biased people treat as synonymous.

The basic tenet of separation is to keep two major bureaucracies (church and state) from uniting and thereby combining treason and heresy under the same authority. If a person became offensive he could be declared treasonous and if that failed, marked as a heretic. The chance to escape was slight.

The union of church and state refused equal freedom to denominationalism. The elimination of choice between denominations would be extremely unhealthy. Personally, I know and respect a great many of the current religious leaders, but I do not know a single one I would risk handing over leadership for all of Christendom. The dispersion of church leadership is an advantage of denominationalism.

When a human leader has the choice between the visible power of politics with money/power and the invisible power of God, the temptation is great to turn toward the visible which can be controlled, neglecting the invisible which is intended to control him.

Unfortunately, we are seeing a revival of the concept of civil religion. To say that morality comes only from the Christian faith, in my view, is untrue. There is a great need for stronger morality in America. I am grateful for greater depth of our moral fiber. But I believe to say it can only come from Christians is not true.

I appreciate the effort to revitalize America. We need it. However, I am afraid of any group who indicates that when we choose them as leaders we automatically get the exclusive sponsorship of God. Quoting religious platitudes can hardly deliver God to our nation. Who knows if He is through with us, but if He is elections can’t return Him.

It is important that I am searching to be on God’s side, not promising that He is on mine. Am I saying religion (and Christian faith) should not enter into political decisions? Certainly not! To say a man’s convictions should be kept out of any of his decisions is to suggest he become schizophrenic. In seeing the validity of a man’s faith in his political life, we also see the wisdom of not creating a society in which a man could be hanged on the dual horns of treason and heresy.

This week think about: 1) How do I react to Fred’s thoughts on church/state? 2) Why do I participate in the political system? 3) When do I most effectively allow my faith to influence my work, church, family?

Words of Wisdom: “To say a man’s convictions should be kept out of any of his decisions is to suggest he become schizophrenic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He said to them, ‘Then give to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.’” (Matthew 22:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 15, 2018

Fred’s early 1980s speeches reflect the depth of his thinking. He always went to the fundamental principles, then fleshed them out with current illustrations. These observations about America reflect the early weeks of Reagan’s administration.

American Musings

We have to think maybe the only real mandate President Reagan got from the people was to replace Jimmy Carter. He was elected, to my observations, not on confidence, but on hope. And hope is such a tenuous political emotion – so often disappointed. The masses knew we needed a change. It is still for this administration to establish that confidence so necessary for a leader if he is going to be truly constructive rather than a poll watcher. Sometimes I think we are getting to be political “poll cats.” Pardon the stinky pun.

Can we think together about what it takes to build confidence on hope’s foundation? America was built by confidence in the founding fathers whom we still revere. They were men who were willing to serve the nation even at a personal sacrifice. Now we have shifted to those who ask to run the country to take power, not to serve it. Those willing to serve were the statesmen while those anxious to serve are the politicians.

We must once again feel America has a destiny – more than survival. Mere survival will not inspire the energy and commitment w need for world leadership. As Faulkner said, “The life worth living does more than survive, it prevails.” When our highest concern is survival then compromise becomes our modus operandus. When communism first threatened the world those who chose survival were represented by the scholar who said, “Better Red than dead.”

Those who refuse to cave in to fear are saying with Solzhenitsyn “Better dead than a scoundrel.” He was willing to put aside risk survival for the life that prevails. He, like Bonhoeffer, was offered survival in exchange for compromise and silence. They both chose excellence over mere existence. Only when life is really worth living is it worth dying for.
I have had some concern that some of our past state department leaders have not believed us as a people capable of leading and therefore adopted compromise.

If the character of our people has weakened, if we have run our course in defense of freedom, and if leisure has become our goal, then compromise is all that is the only option open to us… and that will be for a short time. Compromise is a downward spiral, just as the prevailing attitude draws us upward.

This week think about: 1) How are these 1981 thoughts pertinent to today? 2) What did Fred see that I can apply to my own thinking this week? 3) When do I accept compromise in my work, faith, or family?

Words of Wisdom: “Only when life is really worth living is it worth dying for.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Dear friends, if our conscience does not condemn us, we have confidence in the presence of God.” (1 John 3:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 5, 2017

Fred processed continually. He looked at life through the lens of philosophy, psychology, and faith. He saw the nature of God and the nature of man as the groundwork for all worldviews and thought structures. He loved thinking and thankfully he preserved thousands of these thoughts and inklings for us.

Please know we are thankful for your support of BWF. Your support enables us to continue Fred’s legacy through these emails, the Breakfast with Fred Leadership Institute, and www.breakfastwithfred.com Financial gifts are tax deductible and deeply appreciated.

The Will to Win

Mary Alice and I have six grandchildren. Our three children keep us amply supplied with pictures. Mary Alice is now thoroughly enjoying the second generation and the opportunity to be a grandmother. I am grateful for them and all they represent. They are great pictures, but that isn’t what is important. It will be what the children see in themselves that matter. An eminent psychologist told me, “Fred, what a boy thinks it takes to be a man and what a girl thinks it takes to be a woman then tells me what I need to know to predict their behavior.”

But there is more – and something we can’t see in the photographs… the will to win, the drive to be a pro. Only time will show if they have the willingness to play hurt, to concentrate on becoming the best at one thing. I have always liked Paul’s focus: “This one thing I do.”
Just this week I was playing golf with the head of a marketing company who said, “We can now test for most things in a man’s ability and personality, but we can’t test to ascertain the price he is willing to pay for success.”

A highly successful executive and I were listening to world-class athlete Bob Richards tell what it meant to win an Olympic gold medal. My friend leaned over and whispered to me, “I may not be an Olympic winner on the outside, but I am one on the inside.” He has the will to win.

That is where the real champion starts for all of us. The desire, training, and ability to stay in there, lose, and then keep on coming on – that is the will. And this is not just an attribute of an athlete – this is seen in the factory, the home, the office, and in church life. We can all be pros.

When I look into the eyes of our grandchildren, I see promise and greatness (after all they do have our DNA), and I pray they will see in themselves a reason to pay the price of accomplishment and achievement. More than that, we want them to be people of character – that is the true win.

This week think about: 1) How serious am I about maximizing my gifts? 2) Who needs my encouragement and word of hope this week? 3) What is stopping me from doing my best?

Words of Wisdom: “That is where the real champion starts for all of us. The desire, training, and ability to stay in there, lose, and then keep on coming on – that is the will.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not that I have already attained this – that is, I have not already been perfected – but I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also laid hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 31, 2017

Fred rarely fell into fuzzy thinking. His friend and mentor Maxey Jarman burned into him the necessity of clarity. He also objectively looked at processes and “pulled the loose threads.” He spoke plainly, but with beautifully crafted nuances. In these Weekly Thoughts, the material is garnered from Fred’s writings and notes over decades. Some of the illustrations are dated, but undoubtedly the principles are timeless.

Who Do You Serve?

The proper and right concept of leadership is vital. The correct use of theory is essential. Some people differentiate between the theoretical and the practical, as if theory is impractical. One of my earliest management lessons came in this simple maxim: “Nothing is as practical as a correct theory.”

Behind every practicality is a theory. Foundational to our moon shots was Einstein’s theories of relativity. Behind Edison was Faraday’s Theory of Electricity. Just so in leadership. The concept comes first and without a solid understanding nothing but faulty leadership develops.

Currently, one of the popular concepts is “servant leadership.” Properly understood, it is helpful, but it can (and has been) terribly abused.

In ministry, the Christian leader is a servant of God, not a servant of the sheep. Many spiritual shepherds get that confused – and operate incorrectly, inadequately, and often ineptly. The belief that each sheep is the source of the servanthood is to misunderstand the concept.

I have a good friend who nearly lost his sanity trying to be a servant leader to his congregation with the mindset that each was his boss. When one of his “bosses” called him in the middle of the night with instructions, he felt obligated to respond. The situation became absolutely intolerable.

Yes, you lead by serving, but the major expression of your service is your leadership.

Take for example, Lee Iacocca, a great leader. He is a servant of the Chrysler Corporation but he doesn’t ask every employee from assembly line to executive suite where and how the company should go. He may certainly solicit counsel, but he expects his employees to do their job well – just as they expect him to do his with excellence. Iacocca’s servanthood is expressed through his leadership. If he were to give up doing this he would no longer be a faithful servant of Chrysler.

This week think about: 1) What is my own definition of servant leadership? 2) How successful am I leading others? 3) What changes do I need to make in my leadership style to be more effective?

Words of Wisdom: “Yes, you lead by serving, but the major expression of your service is your leadership.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the one who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by people.” (Romans 14:18 NET Bible)