Weekly Thought – April 12, 2022

Fred’s sense of humor oiled the gears of life. He appreciated the lubricating value of laughter. He also appreciated the use of motivation and inspiration. His dear friend Zig Ziglar was the preeminent influencer for generations of men and women. In this excerpt from a commencement address at Belmont University he challenges the graduates to maintain a high level of self-motivation.

Internal Energy

Motivation is certainly tantamount, if not paramount, to education. Education may be the vehicle, but motivation (and self-discipline) is the driving fuel. Most people who fail do so because they lacked superior fuel, more than a superior vehicle.
May I suggest a few thoughts on self-motivation?

1) Access your strengths – In spite of the current popularity of “overcoming weaknesses.” I am convinced no one will get very far in life spending time trying to strengthen weaknesses, rather than identifying and focusing on strengths.

2) Discipline your associations – accept the challenge to associate with champions. Owning the biggest house in a neighborhood of modest ones or being the largest fish in a very small pond are two examples of setting the bar too low. Think about your associations. Are you the most able in your group or are you constantly learning from those around you? Always strive to be the smallest frog – you will grow by this challenge.

3) Recognize definite goals – The Apostle Paul said, “This one thing I do.” To many of us are like the steam pipe with a series of drilled holes. We have steam, but it is being blown off in too many different directions. We are intrigued with all the opportunities we forget we can only master a limited number of activities in this lifetime. This demands the discipline of choice. In this graduating class there will be a few who find they do not have a goal, but the goal has them. They dedicate themselves to its end. A study of great men and women usually expose a “magnificent obsession.”

4) Understand the cost – if you motivate yourself either by discipline or dedication you will find there are genuine prices to pay. Probably the biggest price will be loneliness. You cannot be a leader and avoid it. Out in front you will encounter tough decisions. Often you will have to keep your own counsel and exchange the warmth of belonging for the loneliness of leadership. Another cost is tension. You cannot have the functionality of a spring without tension. You cannot have the placidity of a mule and reap the winnings of a race horse. In my study of leaders, I always find the intensity of success. May I emphasize this isn’t being a hard worker -they are intense. There is a great difference. Tension is not to be feared; but to be managed.

5) Accept the reward – In reading the biographies of the twelve outstanding men of science and business I saw that almost every individual mentioned the reward as the joy of accomplishment. I am sure if I turned around and interviewed these leaders on this platform they would echo this same sentiment. And I am sure up and down these aisles are seated men and women who share the same goal of accomplishment.

6) Correctly define success – my personal definition: success is the ratio of talents used to talents received. Developing the discipline of self-motivation is a critical element in a successful life.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I define success? 2) What would I say to a graduating class? 3) Which areas of my life demonstrate the greatest self-motivation?

Words of Wisdom: “You cannot have the placidity of a mule and expect the winnings of a race horse?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 11, 2022

Fred served as a mentor to many young men he met during Religious Emphasis Weeks on Southern Baptist college campuses. These men created lifelong friendships with mutual benefit. As they grew Fred enjoyed experiencing their maturity. One of them was Howard Butt, businessman, philanthropist, and Christian evangelist. Howard encouraged Christians to be “fruit inspectors,” not judges of others. In this role he looked for fruit of the Spirit leaving the judging of salvation to God.

Fruit Inspectors

Intolerance has become society’s unforgivable sin. Tolerance is attractive to our society because it is permissive. It is pleasant because it doesn’t require hard thinking. It is non-confrontational. Our society has lost the willingness to confront error in search of truth. We have created a virtue out of weakness and bought into sin. As usual, sin gives the benefit first, and extracts the price later.

I am convinced the way in which society now practices tolerance is a manufactured value that, when practiced to excess, will ultimately prove harmful. This doesn’t mean we are called to be judges of others. Oswald Chambers tells us that we are not to see the wrong in others in order that we might criticize them, but that we might intercede for them.

When we accept tolerance as our rule, we deny discernment as a spiritual value and gift. Discernment is not given to us so we can criticize but so we can coach; it is not given to us to point out weakness, but to help build up strength and avoid error.
Howard Butt, Jr. founder of Laity Lodge and a lay minister, preached a great sermon in his early years, proclaiming Christians to be fruit inspectors rather than judges. We are told in scripture “By their fruit you will know them.” It is one thing to recognize fruit and a totally different thing to be a judge. Fruit inspection is our job; judging is God’s.

Our fruit inspection must always be according to the principles of Scripture. It is the authority under which both we and the person observed exist. When a man or woman holds up the Bible and says, “Thus says the Lord,” it is not pronouncing personal judgment, but God’s. When any of us do this we are the reporter, not the author.

Another reason for fruit inspection is that in seeing sin in others we see our own and seek correction. We are called to discernment, not tolerance. We are to lead with an attitude of self-assessment while examining the quality of fruit. Maturity leads us to a clearer understanding of the subtle differences in our attitudes. But tolerance is not an option for mature Christians.

This week think about: 1) How uncomfortable am I with Biblically based intolerance? 2) What standard am I using for fruit inspection in others and myself? 3) Who models discernment for me?

Words of Wisdom: “When a man or woman holds up the Bible and says, ‘Thus says the Lord,’ it is not pronouncing personal judgment, but God’s… we are the reporter, not the author.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects – bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God,” (Colossians 1:10 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 5, 2021

Fred told the truth. His upbringing in the home of a Southern Baptist blacksmith with massive hands and arms turned preacher may have had something to do with this. He valued truth and questioned to uncover the real story many times. “Staying current and facing the facts” were bywords. Denial made little sense to him and was definitely not part of his operating system.

Denial as the Default

The theme song for many goes, “say it isn’t so.” Saying it isn’t so is not making it not so. Yet so often we deny our problems and actually accept denial as one of the ways to solve them. How many times have you heard “leave it alone – it will go away.” I even knew an otherwise bright executive who consciously ignored such things as oil leaking from his car for, he said, “it will probably correct itself.” By denying the problem he delayed the solution – and also increased the damage.

Delay is a form of denial. Once a young man with an exceptional education and family connections asked me to lunch to discuss his business future. When I asked what he had been doing he said “I am looking for the right opportunity.” I thought a shock would be helpful so I told him “you have a great deal of potential n- in fact, you have all you have ever had for certainly you have used none of it.” Later on, one of his peers described him to me as a “Rolls Royce with a loose steering gear.” This sounds unkind, but he could be helped mightily by having his denial by delay pointed out clearly.

Some intellectual problems are handled by denial. Once I was talking with a well-known talk show host recognized for his intellectual, but liberal worldview. When I asked him if he believed in “original sin” he replied, “That would be an awful thought.” Can we escape a fact by calling it an idea, a concept, a viewpoint? Trying to escape the reality we want to deny is a fool’s errand.

Every day we consider ways to avoid the truth. For example, diplomacy is one way we delay and deny our political problems. With cosmetics we deny the aging process. Even in death we dress up the corpse to evoke the response, “doesn’t he/she look wonderful?” Even our vocabulary teaches us about denial. When installment credit plans were developed they were dubbed “convenience purchasing,” not debt. Often, we substitute the word progress for change, even when it is going in a downward direction. Euphemisms become the socially acceptable way of addressing negative events. We shield ourselves from unpleasant facts by giving them new names or definitions.

We are often tempted to deny relational problems. Therapists tell us of refuge in silent denial prominent in troubled homes. Lack of verbal communication supposedly covers the fact of a family breakdown. The ache of losing a child is sometimes covered by building a shrine in the child’s room, pretending death did not occur.
Kubler-Ross says the second step in grief recovery is denial. It is all right to let people deny for a short time, because rushing them into objective examination without gaining equilibrium is unhealthy. But remaining in denial doesn’t result in emotional health, either.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “Denial is not a river in Egypt.” It is a place to move through on the way to health and maturity when grieving. It is a poor choice for living if we build it into our operating system.

This week think about: 1) When am I most tempted to deny or delay? 2) Where have I short circuited my growth by not facing facts? 3) Who is a good truth teller for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Delay is a form of denial.”

Wisdom from the Word: “What should we do with these men? For it is plain to all who live in Jerusalem that a notable miraculous sign has come about through them, and we cannot deny it.” (Acts 4:16 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 7, 2021

Fred regarded emotional control and civility highly. He valued maturity in society. As an analytical, he considered the strategies for right thinking a necessary element for all leaders.

Right Thinking

Our society has become so obsessed with winning that we have exchanged honest competition for a philosophy of life – making winning synonymous with winning and losing the effective definition of wrong. In the “win at all costs” culture everyone is an adversary. In such a situation I rarely see civility as the standard. The outcome of perpetual contest is that we stand alone and alienated. Incivility lives itself out as a disease of separation.

Our conversational styles are caught up by this philosophy. “In your face” is currently acceptable, but certainly has no Biblical foundation. The phrases “Just Do It” and “Outta My Way” create a language of incivility resulting in thoughts and actions of rudeness.

Controlling our attitudes and establishing respect for others requires discipline and a system. In my long study of emotions I developed a formula that I will share with you. Experiment and see if it will help you as it has helped me. “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.” By this I mean, first the thought comes into our mind and if we keep it long enough to give it validity it drops down into our heart and creates a mood. After this, the mood rationalizes the action. For example, when we harbor anger as a thought, it turns into a mood, and then plays out as a hostile action.

How do we work the formula for a successful outcome? We start by keeping the destructive thought out of our hearts.

Thoughts which aren’t given credibility or space will be fleeting. But if we dwell on it and give it the power to create a mood, we have taken a step toward action. Thoughts and actions are linked. “As a man thinks, so is he.”

I am not suggesting we have the ability to clear our minds of all thoughts, I know that just isn’t so. The important thing is to substitute another, healthier thought in its place. My Mother used to warn us that “idle minds were the devil’s workshop.” Even in scripture we are told in our thinking to consider truth, nobility, rightness, purity, loveliness, admirableness, and praiseworthiness.

If our goal is civility, then our mental discipline must be starting with civil thoughts. If we want to live nobly, then ignoble thoughts must be discarded. We must work to reprogram our minds, replacing the bad with the good. Emotional, mental, control will help us create social civility. Understanding the process of guarding the mind and heart allows us to take control of our actions which is the foundation of a civil society.

This week think about: 1) When do I most struggle with allowing unhealthy thoughts to grab hold? 2) How am I establishing mental disciplines to protect my thought life? 3) Which are my most productive moods?

Words of Wisdom: “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now immediately, when Jesus realized in his spirit that they were contemplating such thoughts, he said to them, ‘Why are you thinking such things in your hearts?’” (Mark 2:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 6, 2021

Fred included heroes as one of the critical categories for a healthy network. “We cannot live fully without heroes for they are the stars to guide us upward. Heroes are who we can become if we diligently pursue our ideals in the furnace of our opportunities.”

This week would you help us expand our Weekly Thought reach? Let others know about the value of Fred’s wisdom. We thank you.

Focused for Greatness

Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes. In You and Your Network I devoted to an entire chapter to the subject. Here are a few personal heroes who illustrate identifying character traits which in emulating, enrich my own life.

1) The Apostle Paul – total dedication personified. Oswald Chambers coined the phrase “the white funeral” describing the process of totally dying to himself. His “black funeral” occurred years later at the hands of Rome. Having never met him, I still feel I know him just from studying his writings. He says with assurance “this one thing I do.” He found his magnificent obsession, his lodestar, and the race to which he devoted his life. He ran with total focus.

2) Abraham Lincoln – combining strength and gentleness. He did his duty as he saw it even suffering great emotional strife while doing it. He didn’t seem to possess superior gifts, but a superior spirit that matched his opportunities. He was able to be flexible without sacrificing his values. He lacked personal happiness, but he had abiding joy.

3) Albert Einstein – humble intellect. Einstein is one of my personal heroes, not for his intellect, but for his humility. I love to look in his simple, childlike eyes and see the wonder and awe he obviously felt for life, the universe, and God. His humility was a natural state, not an acquired or disciplined accomplishment. Einstein seemed devoid of arrogance, self-centeredness, and conceit. These had been replaced by the ability to see his ignorance more than his knowledge resulting in gratitude.

4) Leonardo Da Vinci – relaxed acceptance. He saw life as a whole and was content to let it be. He didn’t mean campaigns to change anything. He understood the unifying principles of life – man’s relationship to science, art, music, mathematics, and philosophy. He never tried to manipulate truth, only to understand it. Because da Vinci thought in principles his mind could range indefinitely, creating sketchy ideas of such great magnitude it would take centuries before they were developed into useful applications. To me, he is an intellectual hero. His serenity is a personal reproach to our hurry, scurry, activist culture.

5) Abraham – vision and faith. He was willing to risk all on the unseen. He ventured into a relationship which became his reality. We need heroes to personify vision, for without it we settle for a plateaued life and experiences which are too limited.

6) Thomas Edison – persistence. It is reported he responded to a question about his 5,000 failures to develop the incandescent light bulb: “The important thing is I now know 5,000 things that do not work. That is not a failure.” There are times in our lives when we need someone to personify the will survive, the refusal to give up.

Heroes are the personification of our ideals, the embodiment of our highest values. A society writes its diary by naming its heroes. When we talk of our heroes we tell much about who we are, but also about who we will become.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who were my childhood heroes? 2) What heroic characteristics do I desire? 3) How can I encourage others around me to identify personal heroes?

Words of Wisdom: “Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD emerges like a hero, like a warrior he inspires himself for battle; he shouts, yes, he yells, he shows his enemies his power.” (Isaiah 42:13 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 12, 2021

Fred understood everyone had a mixture of clay and iron. Someone asked him how he could develop a strong friendship with a man others found difficult. “I am attracted to the magnetic draw of the iron; you are pushed away by the clay.” He knew how to measure character and highly valued integrity.

Thank you for your faithful support during 2020. Please pray for BWFLI as we approach our Christian colleges and universities, making plans for the new virtual format.

Window into Character

It would be helpful if we could have a load-limit sign on our character like those on bridges. One of my preacher friends was coming under the influence of an extremely wealthy parishioner. As my friend was plied with benefits of the relationship, the person began asking questionable favors. My friend broke off the relationship saying, “I am afraid I have a price, and you’re getting too close to it.”

Character is a set of values we have chosen to live by, and hopefully ones that will work under pressure. It reminds me of the professional golfers who speak of wanting a golf swing “that will work on Sunday,” meaning one that works under pressure.

As a leader, a friend, or a mentor, I try to validate the areas of strength or weakness in the character of those with whom I share responsibility. I have sometimes been criticized by my associates for going to what they feel are extreme lengths to ascertain this measure. I do it for a definite reason – I don’t want to be surprised. I want to know the person so I can build on his strengths and buttress his weaknesses. Since character is the foundation of relationships and accomplishments, I don’t apologize for evaluating. I prefer to do the testing when failure is not fatal.

Marines build character that will stand up under fire. They don’t want failure when it counts most. “To “give others the benefit of the doubt” sounds good, but this is not good stewardship in leadership. Napoleon said that the most dangerous general was one who fought based on fantasy. This is true of all leaders. Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.

How do I evaluate? I start with the known past. Few people change character as adults. I not only quiz the person, but also everyone who might be knowledgeable. If I am interviewing for a key role, I always interview the spouse, as well. Our close friends and family know more about our character than they might even know about our skills and talents. They don’t read our resumes they read our lives.

Stories reveal the heart. People become involved in stories. Humor draws out spontaneous reactions, which are a window into character. In the past I have been the keynote speaker for sales conferences meeting in Las Vegas. I notice that the comedians who headline always test the edge of social acceptance, especially relating to ridiculing religion and God. Listen to the audience’s reaction and you quickly get an evaluation of the crowd’s character.

Knowing the load limit on your character gives you the freedom to say no. A strongly developed character is a definite asset to experience and well-honed skills. There may be a gap in knowledge, but most failures occur because of cracks in the foundational character. As we evaluate others, it is imperative to check ourselves. Being blindsided can cause great loss, professionally and personally.

This week carefully consider: 1) What are my strengths? Weaknesses? 2) How careful am I to evaluate potential associates? 3) Where are my blind spots in assessing others?

Words of Wisdom “Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Equity and justice are the foundation of your throne. Loyal love and faithfulness characterize your rule.” (Psalm 89:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 22, 2019

Fred’s ability to ask probing questions enabled him to effectively mentor others. He also used this technique to measure his own progress. Strength of character was his hallmark. When he assessed others as business associates, integrity was the first consideration. Someone asked him how he knew he still had self-respect. “When I wake up in the middle of the night and try to talk to the little boy who lives inside who knows right and wrong, black and white, and he tells me to get lost, I know I have lost my self-respect. When he and I have a good conversation and he says, ‘You’re doing fine’ I can go back to sleep.”

Asking About Ethics

My only reason to speak is to change attitudes and behavior, both those of the audience and mine. One of the questions I like to ask is: “What is the strength of your ethics?” Let me give four questions:

1) Are you using a scriptural or a secular base? God’s law or man’s law? J.C. Penney said, “I shall not be judged by the Heavenly Father according to what I do now, by the material success I achieve. I shall be judged by the honesty of my purpose and by the spirit with which I pursue life’s duties.” He saw work as worship; he had a scriptural base.

2) Do our ethics promote our self-respect? Solzhenitsyn heard that the Dean of Canterbury was friendly to communism. He responded when he heard the man had commented “Better Red than dead,” “Better dead than a scoundrel.”

3) Does our ethical base emphasize our responsibilities or our rights? I have noticed that any individual, organization or society that emphasizes its rights is constantly in conflict with others. Responsibilities have a way of overlapping and forming a bond; rights always clash together. Those who emphasize their rights eventually become paranoid which grows into an unrealistic level of conflict. Oftentimes, their philosophy turns into “the end justifies the means.” This is immoral and cannot coexist with moral ethics.

4) What is the effect of your ethical base on the development of your character? In a conversation with a middle-aged executive I learned his fast progress up the ladder left him uneasy and dissatisfied. “Fred, I’m really not happy with who I am becoming. I’m not a better husband, a better father, a better citizen, or even a better person. I’m successful, but I’ve become phony.” Character is an inside job, and it is largely determined by the succession of choices, desires, habits, and beliefs we inculcate and personify.

Let me ask you three serious questions to contemplate: 1) Am I happy with who I am becoming? 2) Are my ethics on a firm foundation? 3 Will my anchor of ethics hold in the tempest of temptation?

Making sure of ethical mile markers is an exercise before engaging in any enterprise. Waiting until the action has begun is too late. The lines must be drawn way before day one.

This week think about: 1) How clear are my ethical standards to myself, my family, and my workplace? 2) Where are my soft spots? 3) Who serves as an accountability partner for me?

Words of Wisdom: Emphasizing responsibilities creates a bond; demanding rights separates.

Wisdom from the Word: “Yes, your servant finds moral guidance there; those who obey them receive a rich reward.” (Psalm 19:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 11, 2018

Fred’s mentor, Maxey Jarman, influenced him profoundly. He established a relationship with “Mr. Jarman” while in his twenties by seeking him out. The lessons learned and the friendship developed continued until Maxey Jarman’s death in 1979. One of the strongest elements each pursued was character.

BWFLI focuses on “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” Emphasizing the importance of character as foundational for maturity is critical to each campus visit. Keep on praying for students, faculty, staff, and administrators at this high pressure time of year.

Character Building

I have often wondered about the real motivation for character building. There are surely multiple answers and I am not ready to settle on just one. But I do know character building is like any other aspect of personal development. It starts with the genuine desire to have the real thing, not just the image of it. Too often we have the appearance, but not the reality. We see in others, and in ourselves, a hyped up version of character, but not the authenticity. Anxiety and secrecy are the price we pay for this hypocrisy.

One motivation I saw in my own mentor, Maxey Jarman, was scriptural obedience. A critical point is that this discipline is not just to the scripture, but to the Lord of the scripture. There is a subtle, but important, difference. Because Maxey saw the Bible as the inerrant, inspired word of God and not just ancient wisdom works, he knew he had no right to consider it a static document open to human interpretation. He treated it as the living Word understood through the dynamic work of the Spirit. It was not literature it was Logos.

When I think about my mentor and character I find it difficult to accurately express all the lessons he taught. Words are so wooden sometimes.

The idea of character is frequently equated with obedience. But I make a distinction between behavior and motivation. The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites. Ultimately, the attitudes differ and even the outcomes can take different directions.

Legalists become the master of the law in its application and the servant in its fulfillment. The law becomes the god while appearing to serve God. Consequently, they miss.

Character development includes a spirit of belief which is part of the act of belief. Therefore, it follows if one is to use scriptural obedience for character building one must be a student of the Word. If our nation is losing its character as many fear, I sincerely believe it must be partly due to a lessening of scriptural knowledge, study, and respect.

This week consider: 1) How disciplined am I in my scriptural obedience? 2) What can I contribute to maturity in my own environment? 3) Who is influencing my thinking and my own character?

Words of Wisdom: “The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 30, 2018

Fred enjoyed critical thinking, but worked hard to put aside a critical spirit. He analyzed his own motivations and constantly put forth an effort to stay in a “blessing frame of mind.” His perspective on criticism gives us all much to think about.

The What’s Next Roundtable is well into the fall season. Please lift up the team members, the campuses, and the desire for God to be glorified in all that is said and done.

Keeping Criticism Helpful

Recently, I tried to analyze the reasons I criticize. Three of them were negative and one was positive.

Reason one: If before ten o’clock in the morning I have been critical of everything and everybody, I stop and say: “Fred, what’s wrong with you? What are you mad at yourself about?” And generally, I have to go and make a call to apologize to somebody. My environment won’t straighten out that day until I quit being mad at myself and taking it out on everybody else. If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge. Mary Alice used to tell the children to remember when they pointed at somebody else to look at their hand and see that three fingers (and even a thumb) were pointing back at them.

The second reason: To show superior knowledge. How often does some fellow show you a great idea and you are enthusiastic but then suddenly say to yourself: “I can’t be too enthusiastic because he may feel he is as smart as I am.” That drives you to say, “Joe, that is a great idea but…” Many “yeah, buts” come from the desire to show your superiority.

The third reason: A root of negative criticism is usually a performer who didn’t make the grade. Those who start well but don’t make the A list often become critics. I have seen failed executives become toxic within an organization because their criticism becomes bitter.

Now the positive reason: A genuine desire to bring improvement in a person or organization. It can be done quietly. True, positive criticism is not done in the earshot of others. Ordinarily those who are operating in a negative criticism mode make it public and loud. Really good positive criticism is specific and directed only to the point that needs correction. When you can positively criticize you are demonstrating emotional stability as a leader.

We often hear this described as constructive and destructive criticism. In my interest to stretch others, I want to be clear about my motivations and I want to focus on keeping criticism positive.

This week think about: 1) What was my motivation the last time I criticized someone? 2) Who has been helpful in teaching me the good use of criticism? 3) How can I shift my focus from negative to positive?

Words of Wisdom: “If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The speech of the righteous bears the fruit of wisdom, but the one who speaks perversion will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 10:31 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 23, 2018

Fred’s objectivity allowed him to live without unrealistic expectations. His desire to continually “keep current” on his facts, his relationships, and his environment gave him a healthy advantage. He refused to live as a member of the “used-ta club.” He consistently checked to make sure he was up to date.

BWF thanks you for your financial and prayer support. We know you are knee deep in requests from valuable, Christ-centered ministries. Our ability to continue the weekly thoughts, campus events, and future publishing efforts depend on your tax-deductible support. You are greatly appreciated.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of a long-time client. We worked together for many years on various projects with great success and deepening relationship. He was also one of my favorite people. The productive work outcomes would suggest we perfectly understood each other’s goals, wouldn’t it? Let me tell you about an interesting experiment and see how you can apply it to your situation.

“Good morning, Sam,” I said, reaching across his desk for two pieces of paper from his legal pad. I handed him one and kept the other for myself. “Write down on the paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to your organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

A word of caution – you have to have a time-tested relationship with a client to do this. But isn’t it a good exercise?

Do you know what happened when we turned the pages face up? The answers were diametrically opposed! The thing I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was nearly opposite what he wanted me to do, What he was expecting (and paying me to do) wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar expectations. Think about your clients, family members, friends, associates, church and community committee members. Consider how little you may know some of them, yet assume you know their expectations.

How often do we go full steam ahead sure we are “on the same page?” Consider the outcome of these times when we get down the road only to find out we were operating from different assumptions and desired outcomes.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? The consulting relationship and possibly the friendship would have suffered. Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.

Think carefully about: 1) What do I use to clarify assumptions in my work and in my family? 2) How can I identify with Fred’s example? 3) How often do I sit down with my family to make sure we are clear?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You must inscribe on the stones all the words of this law, making them clear.” (Deuteronomy 27:8 NET Bible)