Brenda’s Blog – August 23, 2022

“Welcome to the future, Gram.”

My 13 year old grandson told me about his enjoyment of the TV show, Monk. “Oh, I like that show, too. I watch it when I can’t sleep because it is on from 1-4am at home.”

“Do you want to watch one with me?” “Yes, I would love that. What time is it on?”

“We stream it, and watch it whenever we want to – we don’t have to wait for it to be on a TV channel. Welcome to the future, Gram.” I laughed and laughed. I felt like he was explaining how to use a car, leaving the horse and buggy in the barn!

My Dad used to say “principles never change, just the illustrations.” It is crucial to have a timeless foundation and timely applications. When we were raising the children our way of saying it was: “give them roots and wings.”

My future-oriented grandson teaches me about bloggers, YouTube videos, and fantasy games. I can teach him about character, perseverance, and love. The ancient truths of Biblical wisdom never become obsolete. My responsibility is to stay curious about all the “what’s new” pieces of his world while enjoying the opportunity to talk about sustainable values.

The sixty-five years between us evaporates when we laugh, marvel, and learn from each other. I may be older, but am trying to avoid getting old. His exuberance oils my imagination and my eagerness for all things new. Of course, there are times when my travels around the sun allow me to see potholes, and mine fields. My challenge is to warn in a helpful way, without wagging a finger. My concern must be based on God’s wisdom and love – two everlasting tent posts.

He may introduce me to on demand Monk… great fun! And, my desire is to encourage him as he grows in knowledge, good decision-making, and the joy of following Jesus. I, too, welcome him to the future!

Brenda’s Blog – August 9, 2022

“Some of my most significant life events happened at an altar.” Jack Graham, Pastor Prestonwood Church

As I drove down the road early one morning I listened to the sermon of Jack Graham. His subject was total surrender to God’s will. I thought back over my life, recalling several key moments kneeling at an altar dedicating my life; standing before an altar pledging marital fidelity, and joining hands with family members as we said goodbye to beloved parents.

Then, in typical Brenda-fashion, I started hearing the word roll around, changing its meaning. Altar became alter. But they really are not so very unlike.

I heard a woman bemoaning additional weight the other day… ”I used to blame my dryer for shrinking my clothes, but I was wrong – it was the refrigerator’s fault.” Clothes that used to be a tad too big now hug my ample late fourth quarter body. How thankful I am for elasticized waists!

Living for nearly 80 years gives me the advantage – a robust selection of rear view mirror experiences. I can look back on moments of alteration when critical changes were made. Some shocked me while others quietly creeped up. Some were received with boundless joy while others took my breath away and threw me into a spin. But all were alterations!

And even better than that – they were altar-ations. They were brought into my life by the hand of a loving, gracious, all-powerful God. When I kneeled in recognition of His goodness my heart experienced peace preciously unknown. Peace with God and the peace of God gave me an acceptance of alterations and made each day one to practice altar-ations.

Brenda’s Blog – July 26, 2022

“Placing biscuits touching each other will increase rising when baking.”

I love Mary B frozen biscuits. As I put two in the toaster oven and looked for the baking temperature I noticed a little line titled “Tip.” The words made me smile and of course I put them cozily together on the baking pan.

Isn’t that like the Body of Christ? Isn’t our belief about the way the church works (ecclesiology) very similar to Mary B’s tip? Aren’t we to be a people who touch each other both rejoicing and weeping with each other in encouragement?

Think about family pictures you see on Facebook or you receive in Christmas letters. Some feature individuals with separate expressions and body language. Others show members with arms wrapped around shoulders, or hands touching. Don’t you enjoy seeing the interlocking ones?

As believers we are not to be a group of individualists who enjoy their personal “Jesus and me” faith. We are to be a community of faith with commonalities. We should share the hopes, cares, victories, and defeats as brothers and sisters who stand with each other.

Have you ever walked into a church service while on vacation? You are unfamiliar with anyone, yet you can detect evidence of their culture. You can take the temperature of the group right away, can’t you? We are called to lean into each other to assist the story of Jesus to rise from the building into the world. Radiating love one for another tells everyone Jesus is real – this is not just a social club; this is the gathering of those who follow the living Lord.

It isn’t easy to open our lives, but when we establish trust as “fellow biscuits,” we understand the principle of siding up to one another. When we grasp the concept of breaking the bread of life with those who don’t believe we know we want to offer a taste of truth and love in Jesus.

Let’s create a body of Christ which functions well because we eagerly touch each other’s lives.

Brenda’s Blog – July 12, 2022

“Where Big Mac?”

These words were spoken years ago by the toddler granddaughter of a well-loved neighbor. You could hear her little sentence fragment spoken in a small, inquisitive voice. “Where Big Mac?” as she ran into their house without immediately seeing him.

His recent death spurred the remembrance of a child’s comments as the pastor began his message. It was the ideal theme for a Christian memorial service. We gathered to honor a man who was a community leader, teacher, coach, family man, and truly beloved by all. His loss hit everyone for the diagnosis to death was only a span of six months.

The hope expressed by the pastor keyed off the gospel of Jesus. He assured the audience the question was answered because Coach McInturff had put his faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, son of God and son of Man. He spoke confidently of the hope of heaven because Coach had been drawn to reconciliation with Father God through belief in the Son and the work of the Spirit.

Of course, I thought of the wide-reaching impact of this question for all of us. What will be the answer for us?
Then, I thought about the broader implications of the question. Where am I in my life direction? Service to others? Relationship with my family and friends? Where am I in setting proper priorities? How about healthy habits and spiritual growth? Where am I? Where are you?

We live in chaotic times with cultural cacophony creating confusion. We are bombarded with demands, opportunities, decisions, and crises. We must clearly understand our values, our “red lines,” and our goals. When we measure our progress, it is critical to have an accurate standard. When we assess, asking “where am I?” having an idea of our direction is key.

Think about going to a strange park or shopping mall and feeling lost. Where do you go? You look for that familiar poster with the comforting words, “You are here.” You can either make adjustments because you are going in the wrong direction, or relax knowing you are right on target.

Where Big Mac? Where you? Where me? What is your answer? Make it good because it counts.

Brenda’s Blog – June 28, 2022

“You just Benjamin Buttoned me!” My friend laughed as she said this. “Do you know what I mean?” Obviously I didn’t. Yes, I knew the movie about the man who grew younger as he chronologically aged, but I didn’t get the connection.

“Old people seem to want to talk about themselves all the time, especially about their illnesses and complaints. You just asked me a question about me. I call that Benjamin Buttoning because you are not acting your age, but much younger!” I laughed and accepted the compliment from my much younger friend.

She is right – at my nearly 80 years conversations about health, the closest and best buffet, and the sad condition of the world dominate most exchanges. Long ago we forgot the art of listening, asking questions, and then listening again.

When I inquired about a Zoom class she is teaching her face lit up. I really cared about her life without seeing her as simply someone to hear my stories and receive my “gathered over the years wisdom.” A lesson was learned in those two hours we spent together. Whether you are forty, sixty, or eighty you want to be heard.

My youngest grandchild once looked at me during a visit and said quite seriously, “Are you listening to me?” How easy it is to put on a face that looks like attention while the mind wanders away. Children quickly learn what true listening looks like. Yes, eyes and ears are a powerful combination.

I don’t want to be a crotchety old woman complaining about my aching back, my lactose intolerance, or certainly not my occasional incontinence. Young ones will discover those on their own soon enough. I want to ask questions that uncover their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns. Only if I cede my talking time to them will I ever have the privilege of knowing what they are thinking.

When you live alone you have thousands of rolled over words to use. It is tempting to spend the bulk of them posing as a “wisdom figure.” Aging sadly allows “diarrhea of the mouth” which discourages others from engaging us socially. Haven’t we all heard, “Don’t sit down with her – she just talks about herself constantly.”

Be a Benjamin Buttons who gets younger, more curious, more interactive, and certainly more attentive to others even as the calendar says he should settle into old age. My Dad was known for saying, “I have to get older, but I don’t have to get old.” Neither do we!

Brenda’s Blog – June 14, 2022

Driving to church I prayed as usual for a family member who is in the “far country.” I asked, “Could this be the day?” I had a specific outcome in mind, but then I paused and thought how many times and how many people could ask that same question.

Could this be the day: Marriages are healed; Families are restored; Health returns; Hearts are reformed; Hope is reignited; Courage is displayed; Truth is proclaimed.

Then I thought of even more crucial ones. Could this be the day Jesus returns; America repents and turns back to God; or the Gospel is preached in power with men and women responding and lives are changed.

What would you answer if you asked “could this be the day?” There certainly are some nitty gritty ones like solving work problems, finding gas or baby formula, affording housing, and receiving a long awaited job offer.

Today is the gift of God. We are offered the opportunity to express our giftedness, our hopefulness, and our receptivity to life’s broad experiences. Each one may not be stellar, but each one is sacred. And as we awaken we can sincerely ask “Could this be the day?” confident that God knows – YAY!

Brenda’s Blog – May 31, 2022

“Leaders ask the right questions.”

My friend Bob Tiede comes armed with questions whether it is a high level leadership meeting or a birthday greeting on Facebook. His website (www.leadingwithquestions.com)and books highlight the highly developed skill of questioning.

My Dad mastered questioning knowing it was both art and science. Knowing how powerfully he used queries I asked him to coach me in this leadership strategy. “Brenda, it is simple. You ask a question the person wants to answer.” That was the science part of the equation. “Dad, how do you know what question they want to answer?” “You just do –” THAT is the art. He gave me illustrations of experiences with people when his ability to discern opened up conversations, moved problems to solutions, and deepened relationships.

Dad’s listening talents were part of his genius. He read between the lines, asked questions which enlightened, waited for light bulbs to go off, and accomplished his life goal of stretching others. He analyzed the listening process then utilized the steps as he interacted with others. His ability to read body language, assess emotional condition, and determine basic assumptions allowed him to be an interpersonal Sherlock Holmes. He listened to the words, but watched for nonverbal clues.

What are your favorite questions 1) when you are initially introduced to someone? 2) during a difficult, highly emotional situation? 3) when you are encouraging a colleague or family member?

Bob Tiede’s library of authored books includes questions Jesus asked and the latest one features questions asked by Paul. I highly recommend checking out his volumes – and growing in your effective use of questions.

Finally, 1) what is exciting you right now? 2) what can you do today to forward your life mission? 3) who models this leadership skill?

Brenda’s Blog – May 17, 2022

“The car is in the house – the car is in the house!”

The message from my Mom set off alarm bells. What could she possibly mean? Her advancing Parkinson’s Disease caused minor confusion, but nothing like this.

I talked with my Dad and agreed to meet him at home. Arriving before him I walked in to see my sweet Mom sitting in a chair slightly dazed and crying. And much to my surprise her car was sitting squarely in the breakfast room nestled up against the kitchen counter. The car was indeed in the house!

To her dying day she insisted the car malfunctioned, sending her through the garage wall, through the very sizeable built in cabinet holding favorite crystal pieces and other sentimental breakables. The car was stopped by the heavy breakfast room table – thankfully. At nearly 75 she climbed out through the window, onto the table, and then down to the floor to reach the telephone.

The tow truck removed her very injured car and the process of piecing the story together began. There were no pointed fingers, just grateful hugs and prayers of thankfulness. Rather than replace the vehicle Dad acceded to Mom’s wishes and had it fully repaired and restored to health. But even though Mom never drove it again, it stayed with them until her death 14 years later.

What really happened? The insurance adjuster’s decision was simple: as she pulled into the garage she hit the accelerator instead of the brake. She picked up speed and drove headlong into the house… the car was in the house!

You may certainly have not experienced a shock like my Mom did, but can you think about a time when you hit the accelerator rather than the brake? How about decisions made in haste? What about purchases made under pressure? Or, words spoken in anger when a quiet, braking pause would have better served?

We can learn from Mary Alice Smith before our relational, emotional, and spiritual cars come crashing through a wall never intended for breaching.

Brenda’s Blog – May 3, 2022

“Do not back up – severe tire damage will result.”

These words appear on a sign at the exit to my community. The red metal prongs ominously poking up from the ground warn us to keep on moving. One day as I drove carefully over them I laughed to myself thinking how applicable the words are to life.

As we age the temptation to drive in reverse grows stronger. My Dad referred to this as joining the “usta club.” Too many engage in conversations leading with “I usta do this — I used to work there— I usta own that…”

“What is God doing right now? What is He teaching you?” Those questions introduced the small group exercise. “It must be current… no sharing something from years ago.” Why? It is easy to get stuck in life experiences and in spiritual growth, as well.

What happens when a car reverses over the spikes? Flat tires! What happens when we fail to move forward and insist on living in the past? Emotional flat tires.

How can we avoid the “usta club?” 1) Seeing each day as an opportunity to live out the work God gives us to do; 2) Engaging with younger people, hearing their stories, and encouraging their efforts; 3) Committing to stretch mentally, spiritually, and physically; 4) Keeping current on reading, travel, and social activities;5) Giving thanks day by day.

Memories are precious and important to health; but resisting new experiences hinders growth. Integrating our stories to help others is a blessing; focusing only on the past limits our contribution.

Forward progress is God’s plan for our lives – let’s stay involved, running the race well.

Brenda’s Blog – April 19, 2022

My son Jeff and I stood in line at the New Hampshire hotel’s registration desk after day one of our fall photo adventure. I nonchalantly asked for a room with two beds. Her expression told me good news was not coming. “There are no rooms available in New Hampshire – it is leaf season.” Knowing I didn’t hear her, I asked naively, “Could you recommend another hotel in town?” “Did you hear me? There are NO ROOMs in the entire state.”

She directed us to a local schoolteacher who rented three bedrooms during the fall… it was a most lucrative side hustle! Jeff, three women on a girls’ weekend and I shared her house for the night and continued on the next day.

Jeff and I traipsed trails, climbed fences, and endured great rains in plastic ponchos discovering secluded coves with hidden ponds reflecting bold oranges, yellows, and reds. To our chagrin, we now know lighthouses were not built on the side of the highway. Trekking across fields and up hills to the stone buildings challenged us.

The paradox of autumn is the botanical significance of color changes. The chlorophyll factories energized during long, sunny days produce verdant, vibrant leaves. As sunlight decreases, the factory workers pack up for winter and the green steps back allowing the carotenes and the xanthophyll to gloriously appear. Ironically, an entire tourist industry is built on the dying process.

Poets, preachers, and philosophers eloquently (and sometimes not quite so skillfully) connect the linkage between leaves and human lifespans. As one whose chlorophyll factory passed peak production years ago, I embrace the sentimentality of the orange, yellow, and red seasons. There are moments when I exultantly exclaim “this is my season — let me shine — let me attract the leaf peepers.” Other times I long for just a few more years of green. But I do love the way God has a purpose and moment in the sun for all ages and stages. Finding contentment in all hues is His gift.