Brenda’s Blog – January 16, 2024

“Royals have no muscle mass because somebody does everything for them.”

This commentary triggered my thinking. Articles about the lifestyle of royals often mention the fact that they are responsible for no domestic duties. They don’t mow the grass, carry out the garbage, or for sure drive carpool. Ordinary exceptions can be understood, but when we read that the valets and special assistants are responsible for the entire wardrobes of royals, assuring them that the exact protocol is followed, it assures me they are not everyday people. The theory was their time was so valuable that by having someone to participate in the dressing gave the monarch the ability to focus on the important issues of the coming day.

My parents had a vacation home in Colorado. My Dad loved to rise early, go to a local restaurant, and enjoy the local color. Sartorial splendor was not Dad’s number one priority. He dressed splendidly when in business mode, or on a platform as a keynote speaker. However, when he was casual – he was pragmatic… Clothes served a very practical purpose and style usually came in a distant second.

One morning he sat down and one of his favorite servers stopped by the table, laughed and said, “Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning!” It became a favorite family story and tag line.

In his later years he was bed bound, but continued to attend a favorite monthly prayer group established decades ago by key executives in the Dallas area. It met at the Dallas Country Club. In the final months he continued to attend, but did not have the strength or interest to focus on his attire. In fact, his aides drove him to the front door of the prestigious club in the handicap van, rolled him out in his wheel chair, and led him to the meeting room – all while he was in his plaid flannel pajamas! He defended his decision against family objections with the simple comment, “They don’t invite me for what I am wearing, but for what I am thinking. I still have a contribution to make. I am too weak to care about spending energy getting dressed up, but my mind is still immaculately attired.”

What contribution do you have to make? How are you making its development a priority? How are you protecting your energies to focus on the important aspects of your giftedness?

Brenda’s Blog – December 26, 2023

“New Year’s Resolutions are just the regrets from last year.”

My Dad’s words made me laugh, but then made me think. Ask your friends about resolutions and the same ones make most lists: lose weight, exercise more, check something off the bucket list, spend more time with family… and for Christians and read the Bible more, pray more regularly, give more, develop greater spiritual depth all make the list.

“What were your resolutions last year?” If remembered or reminded the items are strangely familiar, aren’t they? Why is this? Because we are predictably human who are cyclical in thought and behavior.

Now goals are distinct from resolutions because they usually come supported with strategies, timelines, and achievable results.
Resolutions are a way to offer penance for failures and subsequent regrets. They operate via the rear view mirror hoping the future is brighter; goals, on the other hand, use the full breadth of the windshield to navigate.

Forward progress is the key to maturity. Creating a revolving door of resolutions year after year hinders growth and development. Going around and around making a list, and checking it annually only to put it on a new one is just a parlor trick which fools no one.

Why not sit down at the end of the year and face the regrets? Make a note of the emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual debits with a notation regarding the cause (as far as is possible to ascertain). Then determine what needs to go forward in each category with an accompanying goal. Whatever has no future needs to be jettisoned.

The year begins with goals. It begins with the work ethic, not the wish ethic. It gives 365 days to get out of the revolving door and take strides into the “highways and byways.”

Happy 2024 to you. May you find joy in growing to maturity. May you experience accomplishment in becoming who God created you to be. And may the Lord Jesus Christ be praised day by day.

Brenda’s Blog – December 12, 2023

“Listen!”

Charles Stanley preached with passion for years as the pastor of the First Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia. His influence stretched worldwide with his clear presentation of the Christian gospel. As he vigorously preached he would regularly call the congregation’s attention with his one word emphatic “LISTEN!” Even listening to him for years I would still pause when he loudly announced “Listen.”

That two syllable word has lots of power. Those who teach communication emphasize the importance of cultivating the skill of listening – both passive and active. We can train our ears to hear the words someone is speaking, but it is a far greater skill to truly engage with another. Too often listening is simply a pause while we look for an opportunity to jump into the conversation.

My brother in law is a retired therapist with tremendous listening gifts. Often he was able to help men and women who struggled with communication and relationships. He developed an extremely helpful acronym that comes to mind when I find myself dominating a conversation. “Brenda, when you realize you are saying too much think WAIT: “Why Am I Talking?”

Our current media encourage the “overtalk” style – and how much true communication is lost. Recently on a weekend news program three women were presenting the benefits of a product. Their enthusiasm for visibility turned into a thoroughly foolish segment with nothing but three interrupting women and absolutely no marketing of the product.

In a noisy culture that values raising our voices and giving others an earful, we can choose a counter cultural path by being ones known as listeners. Being hearers allow us to make a difference in the lives of others. So, when Charles Stanley points his finger, and in his southern accent commands, LISTEN! We do and then commit to bring that listening ear to the benefit of others.

Brenda’s Blog – November 28, 2023

“What is your name? Where are you from?”

I recently attended an international gathering of 900 men and women gathered from over 100 countries to gain skills in training pastors worldwide. Most of the men pastor churches in smaller regions. Many of them plant and oversee as many as 20 churches in remote areas of Asia, Africa, and South America.

As I met them the natural response was to introduce myself by name and location then read their name tag to establish their name and home. Glancing at the name tag often challenged my linguistic skills. But each was quick to explain their names and often tell me their English transliteration. One man had a Hindu name, but changed it to Paul after the Apostle, when converting to Christianity.

Names and addresses were rich sources of information. “Tell me about your family, your ministry, your upbringing.” Wanting to know more about another draws us into conversations about the “who you are” questions.

Identity is universal, isn’t It? As we talk we describe heritage, ethnicity, vocation, and relationships – even in a brief response. Within a very few minutes two strangers can usually find common ground, especially when they both follow Jesus half a globe away.

In today’s culture identity is an emotionally charged concept. The question now becomes, “who are you?” A study done in a West Coast University found there are at least 1300 legitimate answers to that question, including the response “I identify as a Tootsie Roll Pop.” WOW!

In this plastic, fluid environment we who call ourselves believers must stand on a Biblical answer. Our identity is given to us by God the Father through Jesus Christ. We are created by God and live as His image bearers. We are men and women given work to do, management of our environment to undertake, dignity to demonstrate, and glory to give to God. Confusion doesn’t have to be our “go to condition.” We can live with clarity and strength.

What is on your name tag? Remember, child of God, you can walk in truth reflecting the love and mercy of our great triune God. Your name is child of the most high One.

Brenda’s Blog – October 31, 2023

“Your room smells like Friday in my Catholic home when I grew up!”

After checking into my room I opened the door only to be met by a strong aroma of fried fish. Apparently those who used the Residence Inn suite before me enjoyed a sumptuous fish dinner. They were gone, but the odor remained.

I went to the front desk and asked for housekeeping to please bring some air freshener. Instead, the front desk attendant brought a large “odor-sucking” machine which operated for four hours while I spent time with my grandchildren.

Her comment as she assessed the situation made me laugh. Growing up as a Southern Baptist meant Fridays were not synonymous with fish, but for her my room brought back childhood memories.

Of course, it made me think about aromas. They can transport back through time, can’t they? A perfume, a food, a flower… all evoke memories. The Bible speaks frequently about them. In the Old Testament the phrase “pleasing aroma” is used to describe the result of sacrificial offerings by God’s people.

We learn in the New Testament that the prayers of the redeemed are received as incense by our God. They waft throughout heaven bringing delight and approval. Think of that! When we talk with the Creator of the Universe we are filling the enormous pans with glorious incense.

The faint, but pungent, traces of that guest’s fish dinner gave me an opportunity to remember how we have a spiritual sense of smell. We can be grateful for the heavenly olfactory sense which values our prayers. May we bring a sweet, sweet aroma before Him as we approach in prayer day by day.

Brenda’s Blog – October 17, 2023

“Principles never change – just the illustrations.”

My Dad viewed all of life through the perspective of life principles. He knew fundamentals were timeless, and yet timely. When I read his writings through his life I quickly saw his foundational values were fixed by his twenties. The way he illustrated them did change as language and cultural experiences morphed. But he did stay current to most effectively communicate the lessons.

Growing up under his influence I, too, filter everyday happenings digging for principles. Years ago I started calling the practice: “That’ll preach!” It has become a most enjoyable way of looking at life. Because I travel many miles alone I have great opportunities to intentionally look for ideas.

My children grew up enduring their Mom’s “life lessons” and encouragement to “feed their souls.” As they have grown up they are able to laugh about these activities. However, it hasn’t always been that way. During his sophomore year of high school, my son Jeff was involved in a serious car accident as passenger. His pelvis was broken and he was out of school for months as he recovered. As soon as I received the call, office friends drove me immediately to the hospital. I walked into the ER and saw my badly injured son. I opened my mouth to say “I love you.” My son looked up at me with weak eyes and said, “Mom, no life lessons, please.” Actually, I wasn’t seeing his situation as content for one, but he knew everything I saw eventually made its way into a principle-based expression. No blogs in those days, but early collection of illustration material, right?

Looking for God’s messages really does bring energy and vitality to ordinary days. Analyzing life conditions and finding the spiritual principles keep us mentally astute, as well as sharpening our appreciation for our ever present God. He doesn’t hide – He doesn’t run from us… NO, He is everywhere to be found.

Brenda’s Blog – October 3, 2023

“I am always waiting for the collision.”

In a recent conversation the topic of car accidents came up. “Have you ever been hit? Have you ever hit someone?” An interesting exchange followed.

“Don’t you still wait for the collision?” said one friend. She went on to say for months (and even years) after backing out from a parking space and feeling the crunch of being struck by another car she carries the emotional impact. “Every time I back out I unconsciously hold my breath and wait for the sound of being hit.” Another told of being in an interstate pile up which was unavoidable. Now when traffic quickly stops in front of her she immediately raises her hand, hoping to signal the oncoming car or truck to avoid the dreaded outcome. The rush of an anticipated collision haunts her.

It made me think about other ways we emotionally live waiting for an accident – relationships, careers, health… all offer us opportunities to “live waiting for the collision.” Some call it waiting for the shoe to drop… others call it expecting the worst… while there are those who walk around with a black cloud like a Peanuts comic strip. The past can hang over us like a shadow which darkens the day.

Dr. Richard Swenson wrote a book in 1992 titled Margin which discusses the distance between where we are living and our emotional, psychological limits. When we spend adrenaline anticipating heartbreak, failure, or disease because of past experiences we operate in the red zone, using up the margin which God designed for emergencies.

We live in a culture filled with anxiety and fear. Those are major drivers of our daily living, aren’t they? Living with problems that aren’t ours today is a foolish waste of God’s provision for mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual resources. Scripture tells us to turn tomorrow over to God and accept His provision for today. He is a good God who wants us to enjoy His presence and protection. Let’s do it!

Brenda’s Blog – September 19, 2023

“Sequoias grow in community – if you ever see one leaning out you can know the roots have been separated from the group.”

My preacher Uncle Paul told me the story as he toured my daughter Meredith and me through the giant Redwoods near their home in Eureka, CA. Majestic, awe-inspiring, frightening… all attempt to describe the indescribable.

“That’ll preach” is the grid through which I hear stories. Growing up in the home of a renowned speaker taught me to look for illustration in any and every situation. Years ago I laughingly adopted the tag line which meant I saw a transferable principal.

The trees triggered me immediately! We, too, are to grow in community, aren’t we? Our roots intertwine sharing nourishment, trauma, sunshine, and even the warm Spring breezes. It is the proper way to live.

When one of us starts leaning away from the group we need to do a “root check.” What is happening? What is pulling one away from the community? What has cut off the nourishment? We belong in community. We belong sharing ourselves with each other.

The trees are individuals yet bonded at the root level. We stretch, mature, and develop our individual skills and gifts while learning from each other and sharing life.

Keep your eyes open – there are life lessons everywhere – even in the Redwood Forest.

Brenda’s Blog – September 5, 2023

“Not my fault – not my fault – not my fault!”

Walking down the hall with my arms full of folded laundry I heard my preschooler’s voice repeating “Not my fault.” I quickly delivered the piles to each person’s room then walked back to see son Jeff sitting alone on the floor.

“Jeff, what are doing?” “I am practicing in case Heather and Meredith get me in trouble.” His older sisters often pointed at this cute little blonde boy when they were the guilty ones.

He is now a husband, father of four, and pastor. His grown sisters look up to their “little brother,” respecting him for his integrity and love for the Lord.

Whenever I remember this moment I recognize we live in a culture of blame. We suffer the consequences of too much “not my fault,” practice. Our attitude of sidestepping responsibility is now ingrown and accepted. Group faces off against group; ideology garners support while demeaning another ideology. One worldview espouses “passing the buck” and naming others as oppressors. Teaching young ones to quickly respond, “My fault (or “my bad!) – I am sorry – or forgive me” is a challenge, but one of the healthiest exercises for maturity.

The grace of God is sufficient to provide redemption and reconciliation. Accepting our shortcomings without blaming it on society, family relationships, opportunity, or even God leads to joy. We can continue to sit on the floor and chant “not my fault, not my fault, not my fault” but what a loss. Let’s get up, “man (or woman) up” and live as contributing adults.

Brenda’s Blog – August 22, 2023

“These people have read 14 books, read 8 articles and essays, watched 18 videos, and they responded to questions on each. They have participated in approximately 20 webinars, listened to daily BreakPoint Commentaries, and completed daily devotionals. They have participated in 10 Cohort meetings and led discussions at some of the meetings. They have completed or planned to complete a Worldview Teaching Practicum, and they have developed a Three-Year Plan for Ministry.”

As the speaker read off the past 10 months’ academic accomplishments the size and scope of the Colson Fellows’ Program struck me. “If I had known before I began I am not sure I would have chosen to apply.” Yes, that occurred to me. But what if I had known and allowed that knowledge to stop me from engaging in one of the most stimulating experiences of my life?

Have you ever stopped and looked back upon a challenging season? An overwhelming project? A serious experience? Did you say thanks for having just enough light to make the next steps? Scripture tells us God’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. The light for the path is the overall plan (for me, the full syllabus) and the lamp is the step by step (the month’s curriculum requirements).

We are to “consider the cost” as we make decisions, but we are also to follow Abraham as he went out “not knowing where.” He didn’t know the where but he knew the who – indeed he did. And we who follow Jesus are confident that He will complete the work He starts in us – day by day.

When we think we look back at His faithfulness we know we are ready to do what He calls us to do – what a privilege!