Brenda’s Blog – May 7, 2024

Mrs. Preston was my first grade teacher at Westwood Elementary in Cincinnati, Ohio. I noticed birthdays were celebrated in a special way. The celebrant would leave the room with Mrs. Preston, returning with a colorful crepe paper streamer which would be tied to the chair. All day they enjoyed the attention. Right then I knew when March came I would walk out the door and choose a pink streamer.

As March arrived I could hardly wait! Finally the day came, Mrs. Preston escorted me to a supply closet, opened the door, and said, “Pick one, Brenda.” The overflowing box overwhelmed me. “Where is a pink one… I can’t see a pink one, “I thought to myself. Impatiently, Mrs. Preston said, “JUST PICK ONE!”

So I did – a purple one. I HATED that purple streamer. She tied it to my chair instead of a pink one I had anticipated since school began. But I didn’t say anything.

Nearly 50 years later the story surfaced from my memory bank. Then associated reminders poured out. I had settled for purple because I didn’t know to politely ask for help finding the pink streamer. I didn’t know that it was important to me to express my desire. Settling became a way of life for me.

Invited to speak to a women’s group in Kansas City a short time later I decided my topic would be “Don’t Settle.” A few weeks before I stopped overnight in Dallas, I was sharing the story and the outline with my Dad, a recognized and respected author, speaker, and mentor. He encouraged me to go boldly.

The week of the trip to Kansas City a package arrived for me. As I opened it tears ran down my eyes. Yes, it was a package of pink crepe paper. Written in his scribbly hand were these words “Don’t Settle… and Be A Blessing.”

At the end of my prepared talk I reached into my bag, pulled out the crepe paper, passed it around with a pair of scissors and encouraged each woman to cut a small piece as a reminder.

How often fear stops us from stepping out. How often we don’t want to “get in the way” or inconvenience someone. How often we fail to experience the joy of a realized dream. This is the time to pick your own streamer!

Brenda’s Blog – April 23, 2024

“What is your most embarrassing experience?” The ice breaker at a Sunday School party produced groans. No one carries these anecdotes around, prepared for a quick telling. However, in the spirit of the game I dug deep. Not because I have so few, but quite the opposite… Which one to share?

I settled on a phone call in the early 2000s. “Brenda Smith? I am a sculptor commissioned to do a bust of your father and the photos I have just don’t give me another direction for the nose. I am told your nose is just like your father’s. Would you consider coming to my studio and sitting for me while I work on this part of his face?”

Never did I imagine “sitting for a rendering of my nose” as a line in my resume.

I visited several times, sat very still, and left feeling I had made a great contribution.

The bust sits in a ministry’s headquarters named for him… with my nose!

In Amy Grant’s early career she recorded a song with the title “My Father’s Eyes.” It referenced her desire to have her heavenly father’s eyes. To see the needs of others with compassion, to see the world with eyes of hope and God’s love.

Certainly, I, too, want to reflect my heavenly father’s eyes, but I also want to reflect the character of my parents. I count it joy when someone says, “You look like your Mom.” I hear those words desiring that more than a physical similarity is noticed. Showing her gentle spirit, her unfailing love, and her generosity would be a high privilege.

What have you received from your parents that speaks of legacy, heritage, and continuity? What traits remind others of your parentage?

In what ways have you started looking more like your heavenly father? When others see Jesus through us that is great joy! Shine for Him!

Brenda’s Blog – April 9, 2024

An internet “psychic” service advertised their prowess in opening doors to satisfying romance. This campaign ran before February 14th knowing the data shows New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day topping the list of “worst nights for singles.”

The assuring male voice tells the potential client about the value of paying for supernatural guidance which will bring ultimate happiness and success. After the pitch sets the emotional stage, the radio ad finishes with the tag line: “Flaunt Your Love Life!” Their implication is using their service will lead to unbridled, jealousy-producing relationships.

Beyond bemusement I considered the implication of their tag line. Love is no longer a precious, personal gift from God but a commodity to be monetized. To desire a relationship for the sole purpose of generating envy makes it sound like a drop-dead outfit with killer shoes.

We are desensitized to the profound nature of true love. We see celebrities proudly using each other for professional gain (until they tire or max out the value). Commitment becomes a matter of “lunch tomorrow.” Utility is the measure, not fidelity.

I don’t know if the West Coast seers are magically finding partners for their clients, but I do know true love is not for flaunting, but for fostering.

Brenda’s Blog – March 26, 2024

“Brenda, there is not a curve on this road that isn’t engineered to be taken at the stated speed. You don’t have to ride the brake through the entire curve.”

Recently, I was behind a very cautious driver navigating our hilly, narrow roads out to the main road in East Texas. I was late to church and aggravated as I saw the brake lights permanently shining in the early morning darkness. “For goodness sake, just keep on – you don’t need to crawl through every little hill or curve!” was what I was thinking.

Then I remembered myself as a 16 year old on a road trip with my Dad. Traveling to North Carolina with him was great fun… except when he decided I needed mountain experience. I clung to the road and the steering wheel with my foot rarely leaving the brake – much to my Dad’s frustration. Finally, he “explained” the fine points of road design.

He was right. If the engineer thought the risk required a severe reduction in speed the signs indicated the information. But as a very “fraidy cat” teenage driver I hesitantly entered every curve as if my caution was all that stood between us and the precipice below.

Finally, Dad decided I had all the experience I needed for that day! (And of course, the agony for him.)

In trying to be patient the other day it occurred to me that God works the same way with us. “Yes, this struggle, this storm, this turmoil makes you want to withdraw, putting on your brakes. But, there is no situation that I haven’t divinely engineered with the capacity to trust me and lean into the situation rather than slamming on the brakes – trust me!”

He knows – He cares – He doesn’t want us to go over the cliff. But He also doesn’t want us to throw up our hands, flailing like the faithless. If it is a 60 miles per hour curve, then He has given us all we need to keep us moving. If He knows we need to reduce the speed of life, resting from the tumult, He will provide that, as well. But the choice is His – we are to trust His wisdom just as we trust the engineering expertise of those who constructed the curvy mountain roads of Western North Carolina.

Brenda’s Blog – March 12, 2024

“I knew he loved me and I loved him when he chose me over the Cowboys!”

The young woman’s comment made me smile. For a Texas born and raised man to prioritize his wife over a Cowboys game on TV was huge. It spoke love to her!

It also made me think about the choices I make. Some life changing decisions are ordinary. But they make a significant difference. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote of the Five Love Languages changing the way we maximized relationships. After identifying our own “language” too often we assume ours is universal and attempt to demonstrate love to others by the use of our own. However, Dr. Chapman emphasizes the proper understanding of the individual styles and appropriately applying them.

Clearly, my young friend with a wise husband, hears love when time and focused attention are the expression. To choose time with her above all others (even and especially favorite sports teams) says “I love you” in a way that truly speaks to her.

When my son-in-law changes light bulbs for me, or blows leaves from the back deck it says love to me for “acts of service” is definitely my language. Gifts, or even words of affirmation, are appreciated but miss the mark. Climbing a ladder and cleaning out a gutter definitely thrills my heart.

Being loved is a human requirement for thriving and flourishing. Being understood is a critical element of health. What a blessing we can be to others by taking time to study and correctly identify what translates as love and skillfully employing it in our relationships.

Now that my friend is assured of her husband’s love she is free to occasionally don her Cowboys tee shirt and cheer “the boys” on!

Brenda’s Blog – February 27, 2024

“When I start a project I think through all the steps then I begin knowing exactly what the end result will be.”

Eric Hollenbeck, the prominent craftsman from Eureka, CA is featured on a Magnolia Network TV series titled The Craftsman. He infuses his philosophy of life, work, community, and service throughout each episode. He often emphasizes that each project is unique, not a mass production. Therefore, each one requires serious thought, solutions, and plans. He points out that a crucial part of his strategy is to think through each step of the project to the very end. When that is complete then he begins with a clear sense of the outcome.

It makes me consider the way God works with us in our Christian lives. He knows the beginning from the end; He is the author and finisher of the work He undertakes. The maturing process is called sanctification and is a serious, series of steps which God takes. The project has a pre-determined conclusion – looking like Jesus… Being transformed into the image of God’s own dear Son. He, like Eric Hollenbeck, considers the entire work. When He drew us to Himself He set us on a path with definite steps which reach a beautiful conclusion in glorification and time with Him forever – just as He planned.

Years ago as a young family we regularly entertained church groups. When preparing for a large dinner I would think through each and every step just as if I were doing them. I always said “when I see it and can walk through it in my mind, I am ready to get to work.” I knew the steps to take, and having prepared mentally I could begin.

Are you facing a daunting task? Are you considering a change? Think through the steps to take between the outset and the outcome. Then get started.

Brenda’s Blog – February 13, 2024

“Your [sic] the best Mom!”

I moved from a home where I had lived for decades. There were several cabinets unopened for years. As I looked in to check contents an aged post-it note fluttered down into my hand. The words made my eyes water… “Your [sic] the best Mom.” Everyone who knows me understands my reaction. “You’re, not your…” That is what they would assume. But no, tears, not jeers came. The little hand that wrote those words now belonged to a woman who is a wife, mother, and friend extraordinaire.

Grammar was my last thought. Feeling the effort and emotion displayed in that little yellow note overwhelmed me. Those words were not written during an “all is great” time. No, that note came after a very difficult Mom/teenage daughter season. It was her way of reaching out. Tears? YES!
When my Mom died I cleaned out drawers in her nightstand finding piles of greeting cards she saved. It chronicled the passage of time as three children sent birthday and Mother’s Day greetings. The childlike love grew into adult messages of appreciation and trust.
Too often we let the minutiae get in the way. Perfection is way oversold. Seeing the heart and acknowledging the love is the only thing that matters. Forget the spelling errors, and the grammatical flaws – see the expression and experience it with a grateful heart.

Brenda’s Blog – January 30, 2024

“Learn to live with ugly for awhile.”

The local master gardener posted an article with advice for post-extreme cold gardening. “People assume the low temperatures have killed all their outdoor plantings. They immediately cut them all down. But wait – not until the thaw and warmer temperatures come can a true evaluation be made. It may take time and you must “learn to live with ugly.”

Plants that are traumatized by extreme cold aren’t the only examples of this principles, are they? What about other losses? What about critical experiences?

The temptation to run, hide, and emotionally detach is like the gardener who wants to immediately purge the beds of the dead plants. We have an automatic desire to take action – to do something. But wisdom says, “Wait, trust, assess, and ‘learn to live with ugly.’”

In financial services we always counseled clients undergoing a life change to avoid major decisions for at least two years. Bill Lawrence, founder of Leader Formation International, seminary professor, and eminent Bible teacher gave me an acronym which has served me well for over 30 years. Bill said, “Before making a significant decision HALT!” He went on to explain: “Never make a life altering decision when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” Before action, take time to consider all the facts. Emotional decisions can carry a high price tag.

We need to give circumstances to clear up. And until that time we just “learn to live with the ugly.”

Brenda’s Blog – January 16, 2024

“Royals have no muscle mass because somebody does everything for them.”

This commentary triggered my thinking. Articles about the lifestyle of royals often mention the fact that they are responsible for no domestic duties. They don’t mow the grass, carry out the garbage, or for sure drive carpool. Ordinary exceptions can be understood, but when we read that the valets and special assistants are responsible for the entire wardrobes of royals, assuring them that the exact protocol is followed, it assures me they are not everyday people. The theory was their time was so valuable that by having someone to participate in the dressing gave the monarch the ability to focus on the important issues of the coming day.

My parents had a vacation home in Colorado. My Dad loved to rise early, go to a local restaurant, and enjoy the local color. Sartorial splendor was not Dad’s number one priority. He dressed splendidly when in business mode, or on a platform as a keynote speaker. However, when he was casual – he was pragmatic… Clothes served a very practical purpose and style usually came in a distant second.

One morning he sat down and one of his favorite servers stopped by the table, laughed and said, “Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning!” It became a favorite family story and tag line.

In his later years he was bed bound, but continued to attend a favorite monthly prayer group established decades ago by key executives in the Dallas area. It met at the Dallas Country Club. In the final months he continued to attend, but did not have the strength or interest to focus on his attire. In fact, his aides drove him to the front door of the prestigious club in the handicap van, rolled him out in his wheel chair, and led him to the meeting room – all while he was in his plaid flannel pajamas! He defended his decision against family objections with the simple comment, “They don’t invite me for what I am wearing, but for what I am thinking. I still have a contribution to make. I am too weak to care about spending energy getting dressed up, but my mind is still immaculately attired.”

What contribution do you have to make? How are you making its development a priority? How are you protecting your energies to focus on the important aspects of your giftedness?

Brenda’s Blog – December 26, 2023

“New Year’s Resolutions are just the regrets from last year.”

My Dad’s words made me laugh, but then made me think. Ask your friends about resolutions and the same ones make most lists: lose weight, exercise more, check something off the bucket list, spend more time with family… and for Christians and read the Bible more, pray more regularly, give more, develop greater spiritual depth all make the list.

“What were your resolutions last year?” If remembered or reminded the items are strangely familiar, aren’t they? Why is this? Because we are predictably human who are cyclical in thought and behavior.

Now goals are distinct from resolutions because they usually come supported with strategies, timelines, and achievable results.
Resolutions are a way to offer penance for failures and subsequent regrets. They operate via the rear view mirror hoping the future is brighter; goals, on the other hand, use the full breadth of the windshield to navigate.

Forward progress is the key to maturity. Creating a revolving door of resolutions year after year hinders growth and development. Going around and around making a list, and checking it annually only to put it on a new one is just a parlor trick which fools no one.

Why not sit down at the end of the year and face the regrets? Make a note of the emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual debits with a notation regarding the cause (as far as is possible to ascertain). Then determine what needs to go forward in each category with an accompanying goal. Whatever has no future needs to be jettisoned.

The year begins with goals. It begins with the work ethic, not the wish ethic. It gives 365 days to get out of the revolving door and take strides into the “highways and byways.”

Happy 2024 to you. May you find joy in growing to maturity. May you experience accomplishment in becoming who God created you to be. And may the Lord Jesus Christ be praised day by day.