Brenda’s Blog – March 26, 2024

“Brenda, there is not a curve on this road that isn’t engineered to be taken at the stated speed. You don’t have to ride the brake through the entire curve.”

Recently, I was behind a very cautious driver navigating our hilly, narrow roads out to the main road in East Texas. I was late to church and aggravated as I saw the brake lights permanently shining in the early morning darkness. “For goodness sake, just keep on – you don’t need to crawl through every little hill or curve!” was what I was thinking.

Then I remembered myself as a 16 year old on a road trip with my Dad. Traveling to North Carolina with him was great fun… except when he decided I needed mountain experience. I clung to the road and the steering wheel with my foot rarely leaving the brake – much to my Dad’s frustration. Finally, he “explained” the fine points of road design.

He was right. If the engineer thought the risk required a severe reduction in speed the signs indicated the information. But as a very “fraidy cat” teenage driver I hesitantly entered every curve as if my caution was all that stood between us and the precipice below.

Finally, Dad decided I had all the experience I needed for that day! (And of course, the agony for him.)

In trying to be patient the other day it occurred to me that God works the same way with us. “Yes, this struggle, this storm, this turmoil makes you want to withdraw, putting on your brakes. But, there is no situation that I haven’t divinely engineered with the capacity to trust me and lean into the situation rather than slamming on the brakes – trust me!”

He knows – He cares – He doesn’t want us to go over the cliff. But He also doesn’t want us to throw up our hands, flailing like the faithless. If it is a 60 miles per hour curve, then He has given us all we need to keep us moving. If He knows we need to reduce the speed of life, resting from the tumult, He will provide that, as well. But the choice is His – we are to trust His wisdom just as we trust the engineering expertise of those who constructed the curvy mountain roads of Western North Carolina.

Brenda’s Blog – March 12, 2024

“I knew he loved me and I loved him when he chose me over the Cowboys!”

The young woman’s comment made me smile. For a Texas born and raised man to prioritize his wife over a Cowboys game on TV was huge. It spoke love to her!

It also made me think about the choices I make. Some life changing decisions are ordinary. But they make a significant difference. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote of the Five Love Languages changing the way we maximized relationships. After identifying our own “language” too often we assume ours is universal and attempt to demonstrate love to others by the use of our own. However, Dr. Chapman emphasizes the proper understanding of the individual styles and appropriately applying them.

Clearly, my young friend with a wise husband, hears love when time and focused attention are the expression. To choose time with her above all others (even and especially favorite sports teams) says “I love you” in a way that truly speaks to her.

When my son-in-law changes light bulbs for me, or blows leaves from the back deck it says love to me for “acts of service” is definitely my language. Gifts, or even words of affirmation, are appreciated but miss the mark. Climbing a ladder and cleaning out a gutter definitely thrills my heart.

Being loved is a human requirement for thriving and flourishing. Being understood is a critical element of health. What a blessing we can be to others by taking time to study and correctly identify what translates as love and skillfully employing it in our relationships.

Now that my friend is assured of her husband’s love she is free to occasionally don her Cowboys tee shirt and cheer “the boys” on!

Brenda’s Blog – February 27, 2024

“When I start a project I think through all the steps then I begin knowing exactly what the end result will be.”

Eric Hollenbeck, the prominent craftsman from Eureka, CA is featured on a Magnolia Network TV series titled The Craftsman. He infuses his philosophy of life, work, community, and service throughout each episode. He often emphasizes that each project is unique, not a mass production. Therefore, each one requires serious thought, solutions, and plans. He points out that a crucial part of his strategy is to think through each step of the project to the very end. When that is complete then he begins with a clear sense of the outcome.

It makes me consider the way God works with us in our Christian lives. He knows the beginning from the end; He is the author and finisher of the work He undertakes. The maturing process is called sanctification and is a serious, series of steps which God takes. The project has a pre-determined conclusion – looking like Jesus… Being transformed into the image of God’s own dear Son. He, like Eric Hollenbeck, considers the entire work. When He drew us to Himself He set us on a path with definite steps which reach a beautiful conclusion in glorification and time with Him forever – just as He planned.

Years ago as a young family we regularly entertained church groups. When preparing for a large dinner I would think through each and every step just as if I were doing them. I always said “when I see it and can walk through it in my mind, I am ready to get to work.” I knew the steps to take, and having prepared mentally I could begin.

Are you facing a daunting task? Are you considering a change? Think through the steps to take between the outset and the outcome. Then get started.

Brenda’s Blog – February 13, 2024

“Your [sic] the best Mom!”

I moved from a home where I had lived for decades. There were several cabinets unopened for years. As I looked in to check contents an aged post-it note fluttered down into my hand. The words made my eyes water… “Your [sic] the best Mom.” Everyone who knows me understands my reaction. “You’re, not your…” That is what they would assume. But no, tears, not jeers came. The little hand that wrote those words now belonged to a woman who is a wife, mother, and friend extraordinaire.

Grammar was my last thought. Feeling the effort and emotion displayed in that little yellow note overwhelmed me. Those words were not written during an “all is great” time. No, that note came after a very difficult Mom/teenage daughter season. It was her way of reaching out. Tears? YES!
When my Mom died I cleaned out drawers in her nightstand finding piles of greeting cards she saved. It chronicled the passage of time as three children sent birthday and Mother’s Day greetings. The childlike love grew into adult messages of appreciation and trust.
Too often we let the minutiae get in the way. Perfection is way oversold. Seeing the heart and acknowledging the love is the only thing that matters. Forget the spelling errors, and the grammatical flaws – see the expression and experience it with a grateful heart.

Brenda’s Blog – January 30, 2024

“Learn to live with ugly for awhile.”

The local master gardener posted an article with advice for post-extreme cold gardening. “People assume the low temperatures have killed all their outdoor plantings. They immediately cut them all down. But wait – not until the thaw and warmer temperatures come can a true evaluation be made. It may take time and you must “learn to live with ugly.”

Plants that are traumatized by extreme cold aren’t the only examples of this principles, are they? What about other losses? What about critical experiences?

The temptation to run, hide, and emotionally detach is like the gardener who wants to immediately purge the beds of the dead plants. We have an automatic desire to take action – to do something. But wisdom says, “Wait, trust, assess, and ‘learn to live with ugly.’”

In financial services we always counseled clients undergoing a life change to avoid major decisions for at least two years. Bill Lawrence, founder of Leader Formation International, seminary professor, and eminent Bible teacher gave me an acronym which has served me well for over 30 years. Bill said, “Before making a significant decision HALT!” He went on to explain: “Never make a life altering decision when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” Before action, take time to consider all the facts. Emotional decisions can carry a high price tag.

We need to give circumstances to clear up. And until that time we just “learn to live with the ugly.”

Brenda’s Blog – January 16, 2024

“Royals have no muscle mass because somebody does everything for them.”

This commentary triggered my thinking. Articles about the lifestyle of royals often mention the fact that they are responsible for no domestic duties. They don’t mow the grass, carry out the garbage, or for sure drive carpool. Ordinary exceptions can be understood, but when we read that the valets and special assistants are responsible for the entire wardrobes of royals, assuring them that the exact protocol is followed, it assures me they are not everyday people. The theory was their time was so valuable that by having someone to participate in the dressing gave the monarch the ability to focus on the important issues of the coming day.

My parents had a vacation home in Colorado. My Dad loved to rise early, go to a local restaurant, and enjoy the local color. Sartorial splendor was not Dad’s number one priority. He dressed splendidly when in business mode, or on a platform as a keynote speaker. However, when he was casual – he was pragmatic… Clothes served a very practical purpose and style usually came in a distant second.

One morning he sat down and one of his favorite servers stopped by the table, laughed and said, “Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning!” It became a favorite family story and tag line.

In his later years he was bed bound, but continued to attend a favorite monthly prayer group established decades ago by key executives in the Dallas area. It met at the Dallas Country Club. In the final months he continued to attend, but did not have the strength or interest to focus on his attire. In fact, his aides drove him to the front door of the prestigious club in the handicap van, rolled him out in his wheel chair, and led him to the meeting room – all while he was in his plaid flannel pajamas! He defended his decision against family objections with the simple comment, “They don’t invite me for what I am wearing, but for what I am thinking. I still have a contribution to make. I am too weak to care about spending energy getting dressed up, but my mind is still immaculately attired.”

What contribution do you have to make? How are you making its development a priority? How are you protecting your energies to focus on the important aspects of your giftedness?

Brenda’s Blog – December 26, 2023

“New Year’s Resolutions are just the regrets from last year.”

My Dad’s words made me laugh, but then made me think. Ask your friends about resolutions and the same ones make most lists: lose weight, exercise more, check something off the bucket list, spend more time with family… and for Christians and read the Bible more, pray more regularly, give more, develop greater spiritual depth all make the list.

“What were your resolutions last year?” If remembered or reminded the items are strangely familiar, aren’t they? Why is this? Because we are predictably human who are cyclical in thought and behavior.

Now goals are distinct from resolutions because they usually come supported with strategies, timelines, and achievable results.
Resolutions are a way to offer penance for failures and subsequent regrets. They operate via the rear view mirror hoping the future is brighter; goals, on the other hand, use the full breadth of the windshield to navigate.

Forward progress is the key to maturity. Creating a revolving door of resolutions year after year hinders growth and development. Going around and around making a list, and checking it annually only to put it on a new one is just a parlor trick which fools no one.

Why not sit down at the end of the year and face the regrets? Make a note of the emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual debits with a notation regarding the cause (as far as is possible to ascertain). Then determine what needs to go forward in each category with an accompanying goal. Whatever has no future needs to be jettisoned.

The year begins with goals. It begins with the work ethic, not the wish ethic. It gives 365 days to get out of the revolving door and take strides into the “highways and byways.”

Happy 2024 to you. May you find joy in growing to maturity. May you experience accomplishment in becoming who God created you to be. And may the Lord Jesus Christ be praised day by day.

Brenda’s Blog – December 12, 2023

“Listen!”

Charles Stanley preached with passion for years as the pastor of the First Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia. His influence stretched worldwide with his clear presentation of the Christian gospel. As he vigorously preached he would regularly call the congregation’s attention with his one word emphatic “LISTEN!” Even listening to him for years I would still pause when he loudly announced “Listen.”

That two syllable word has lots of power. Those who teach communication emphasize the importance of cultivating the skill of listening – both passive and active. We can train our ears to hear the words someone is speaking, but it is a far greater skill to truly engage with another. Too often listening is simply a pause while we look for an opportunity to jump into the conversation.

My brother in law is a retired therapist with tremendous listening gifts. Often he was able to help men and women who struggled with communication and relationships. He developed an extremely helpful acronym that comes to mind when I find myself dominating a conversation. “Brenda, when you realize you are saying too much think WAIT: “Why Am I Talking?”

Our current media encourage the “overtalk” style – and how much true communication is lost. Recently on a weekend news program three women were presenting the benefits of a product. Their enthusiasm for visibility turned into a thoroughly foolish segment with nothing but three interrupting women and absolutely no marketing of the product.

In a noisy culture that values raising our voices and giving others an earful, we can choose a counter cultural path by being ones known as listeners. Being hearers allow us to make a difference in the lives of others. So, when Charles Stanley points his finger, and in his southern accent commands, LISTEN! We do and then commit to bring that listening ear to the benefit of others.

Brenda’s Blog – November 28, 2023

“What is your name? Where are you from?”

I recently attended an international gathering of 900 men and women gathered from over 100 countries to gain skills in training pastors worldwide. Most of the men pastor churches in smaller regions. Many of them plant and oversee as many as 20 churches in remote areas of Asia, Africa, and South America.

As I met them the natural response was to introduce myself by name and location then read their name tag to establish their name and home. Glancing at the name tag often challenged my linguistic skills. But each was quick to explain their names and often tell me their English transliteration. One man had a Hindu name, but changed it to Paul after the Apostle, when converting to Christianity.

Names and addresses were rich sources of information. “Tell me about your family, your ministry, your upbringing.” Wanting to know more about another draws us into conversations about the “who you are” questions.

Identity is universal, isn’t It? As we talk we describe heritage, ethnicity, vocation, and relationships – even in a brief response. Within a very few minutes two strangers can usually find common ground, especially when they both follow Jesus half a globe away.

In today’s culture identity is an emotionally charged concept. The question now becomes, “who are you?” A study done in a West Coast University found there are at least 1300 legitimate answers to that question, including the response “I identify as a Tootsie Roll Pop.” WOW!

In this plastic, fluid environment we who call ourselves believers must stand on a Biblical answer. Our identity is given to us by God the Father through Jesus Christ. We are created by God and live as His image bearers. We are men and women given work to do, management of our environment to undertake, dignity to demonstrate, and glory to give to God. Confusion doesn’t have to be our “go to condition.” We can live with clarity and strength.

What is on your name tag? Remember, child of God, you can walk in truth reflecting the love and mercy of our great triune God. Your name is child of the most high One.

Brenda’s Blog – October 31, 2023

“Your room smells like Friday in my Catholic home when I grew up!”

After checking into my room I opened the door only to be met by a strong aroma of fried fish. Apparently those who used the Residence Inn suite before me enjoyed a sumptuous fish dinner. They were gone, but the odor remained.

I went to the front desk and asked for housekeeping to please bring some air freshener. Instead, the front desk attendant brought a large “odor-sucking” machine which operated for four hours while I spent time with my grandchildren.

Her comment as she assessed the situation made me laugh. Growing up as a Southern Baptist meant Fridays were not synonymous with fish, but for her my room brought back childhood memories.

Of course, it made me think about aromas. They can transport back through time, can’t they? A perfume, a food, a flower… all evoke memories. The Bible speaks frequently about them. In the Old Testament the phrase “pleasing aroma” is used to describe the result of sacrificial offerings by God’s people.

We learn in the New Testament that the prayers of the redeemed are received as incense by our God. They waft throughout heaven bringing delight and approval. Think of that! When we talk with the Creator of the Universe we are filling the enormous pans with glorious incense.

The faint, but pungent, traces of that guest’s fish dinner gave me an opportunity to remember how we have a spiritual sense of smell. We can be grateful for the heavenly olfactory sense which values our prayers. May we bring a sweet, sweet aroma before Him as we approach in prayer day by day.