Now You See Me – Now You Don’t

Brenda’s Blog – November 17, 2020

“Put on your mask – they won’t let you in without it.”

These words of admonition were mine as I dropped my 22 year old grandson off for his doctor’s appointment. Quite a normal instruction, isn’t it?

As I reread Steve Brown’s classic “Three Free Sins” he talked about the masks we wear. BOOM! My words to Andrew came spinning back into my mind. Culture is now reinforcing one of the governing principles of social interaction: we wear masks.

“How are you?” “Fine,” we automatically answer through the mask we wear. “How are the kids doing?” “Great,” we eagerly respond speaking through the mask which hides emotional hurt and concern.

I was in sales management for years. One of the standard training clichés was “fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, I often thought as I worked to develop success strategies “what if they never make it? Do they go on faking it?” I fear so.
A disturbed young woman recently said to me, “I am so tired of smiling, and being funny just to fit in – just to be accepted. I am just worn out.” Her mask was making marks on her soul.

We knew when mask wearing became “de rigueur” the marketing departments wouldn’t settle for generic, faux medical face coverings. It wasn’t long before bedazzled, sequined models arrived. Or, graphics which depicted gnarly expressions. Or, how about the “Jesus loves you” versions which serve to evangelize while hiding us? Aren’t we the same way? We don’t settle for simple versions but develop sophisticated strategies for distracting others from seeing us.

Interestingly enough, our eyes are still visible. My sweet Mom used to judge my well-being (and my moral integrity) by looking into my eyes. There were times I dreaded the all-knowing stare from my very perceptive parent. I laugh now as I remember her assessment of my physical health with just this one phrase “Your eyes look weak.” The masks still allow that peek into our souls, don’t they?

As we obediently don the coverings which make us socially acceptable may we refuse to hide who we are as beloved children of God. May we look into the eyes of others, see and love the imago dei.

Promoting Spiritual Growth

Weekly Thought – November 10, 2020

Fred believed in maturity and the growth process. He thought and wrote often about personal and spiritual development. He lightly regarded any systems which were “overnight success stories.” Faith, as other aspects of his life, was grounded in principles.

Promoting Spiritual Growth

Several years ago a friend was in deep trouble, even facing bankruptcy. He asked a pastor friend to pray for him. Before praying, the pastor said, “I will pray if you will promise me you won’t be mad at God even if you go bankrupt.” My friend told me that was the beginning of his serious spiritual growth.

Not only should we avoid being mad at God during adverse times, but we should also avoid the “spoiled brat” syndrome expecting God to protect us from the normal problems of life. Wanting God to make exceptions for us is immature.

A top executive came to me during a business downturn saying, “Why me? I have been a good Christian. I don’t drink, smoke, or chase women.” I don’t think those behaviors define “good Christian.” A more mature attitude would be “why not me?” We can’t expect a pass from human troubles.

It is important to develop a right image of God. Lecturing at a conservative seminary one of the students approached me and said, “Mr. Smith, God has me right where he wants me.” “Where is that?” “Broke,” was his answer. “My wife and I have a son. Do you think that is the way we want him to think about me as his father?” This improper view of God hampered his spiritual development. Ray Stedman said his life turned around when he found out “God is for me.”

Another key element of spiritual growth is a proper concept of how God works. God’s plan for us is conforming and transforming us. He has a purpose and is not an absentee landlord.

Phil Yancey, in his book Disappointment with God, writes of questions people often ask “Is the Father listening to me?” “Can He be trusted?” “Does He even exist?” I am convinced God is not afraid of these questions. Too many Christians believe they have to protect God. His integrity is worthy of every challenge. Learning to appreciate God’s silence is part of promoting our growth. Oftentimes in the depths we feel like God is silent, not giving us clear direction. God’s delays are not God’s denials. True faith does not require sight and sound productions of Hollywood proportions. Oswald Chambers says “God honors us with His silence.” Faith is an act, not just a theological concept.

The deep-rooted answers come through the struggle. He is serious about our growth so we shouldn’t be surprised at the process.

This week seriously consider: 1) How am I doing in my spiritual development? 2) What is He working on in me right now? 3) When He is silent, how do I respond?

Words of Wisdom: “Wanting God to make exceptions for us is immature.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects – bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:10 NET Bible)

Family Traits

Brenda’s Blog – November 3, 2020

“Just for a moment you looked like Grandmother.”

My son, daughter in law, and I sat on the deck beside a Minnesota lake eating lunch and thoroughly enjoy the beautiful Fall. As I chatted with my DIL my son watched the interaction then responded with his comment.

I received it with appreciation and gratitude for my Mom was a woman of kindness, and love. I hoped he was seeing that in my face. She encouraged others to grow, wanting them to be who God designed them to be. She prayed for us through the tough times and celebrated the victories.

Amy Grant sang of wanting others to see “Her Father’s Eyes” in her. She wanted people to see the love of God which sought to share compassion, encouragement, and support. She wanted others to know she desired to see the world through her Father’s eyes.

I once met a man who played the role of Jesus in his church’s annual Easter pageant. “The more my hair grew, and the longer my beard became, the greater the change occurred in my personality. I found myself thinking differently and wanting to be more like Jesus the more I looked like Him. It was an uncanny experience.”

Who do you want people to see as they look at you? Whose patterns have imprinted you and influence your decisions? What choices are you making that will one day be reflected in your face?

May our faces reflect wisdom, peace, and inspiration. May we show in our faces compassion and love reaching out to strengthen others. And may our faces smile because we are people of joy!

Honesty with God

Weekly Thought – November 3, 2020

Fred prayed diligently all his life. A permanent imprint on the “Smith kids” was made walking past the bedroom and seeing their strong Dad on his knees by the bed. Mary Alice had a private prayer list which she kept next to the bed on the nightstand. They faithfully prayed. This week features a few thoughts of his on prayer.

Honesty with God

In prayer we can get honest. One night a good friend and I were in a scattershooting conversation, covering a variety of topics. Prayer came up and he offered his opinion that it is a waste of time to try to get God to fill a “gimme list.” He seriously doubted the mature faith of those who were always plying God with requests. I tried to redirect his thinking. I believe prayer is more for us than it is for God. I did this by saying prayer was always a great help to me in getting honest when I wanted to be genuinely truthful.

Above my writing desk I hung the picture of a Jewish scholar whom I consider the greatest intellectual integrity of almost anyone I have ever met. As I would write I would glance up at his picture ask evaluate my honesty. I think of prayer much like that. If I believe God hears me, is who He claims to be, and is all-knowing, I must be honest when I talk with Him.

I have made it a practice when considering a business deal to spread it out on my desk and talk to God about it exactly like I talk to another person. No great lights go on, but I do get a sense of singlemindedness, purity of thought, and a stillness of heart when I know I am gut-level honest.

Of course there is a flip side. When I don’t want to be that open, I don’t lay it out on the desk acting like God won’t know. We can’t hide from God. Intellectual integrity reminds me God knows whether I show it to Him or not. For me it is so much better to be honest before Him.

This principle applies to relationships, too, whether family, friendships, or social interactions. Questions in all of these areas can be brought to a very honest conclusion if we learn to use prayer. We must train ourselves to “put it all out on the table” and talk about it with God.

Too many people still use a ritualistic form of prayer which keeps them from having a good, honest conversation with God. I will never forget when I first heard about conversational prayer. I was with Torrey Johnson, who established Youth For Christ. We had been talking and as we prepared to leave he said, “Let’s pray.” He started out by saying, “Lord, you know we’re just a couple of young men here who have been chewing the rag.” At this point I opened up one eye, literally, and looked around because I knew he was talking to somebody and wondered if that person was in the room. I also wondered if the roof would cave in if I ever talked to God like that. I learned to pray in Olde English!

But it is hard to have a completely relaxed, honest conversation with God trying to remember all my Thee and Thou phrases.
At a men’s meeting one participant stood to pray and started, “God, this is Joe. Remember me? I met you last week at the Jones’s house.” THAT is setting the stage for an honest conversation.

This week think about: 1) How often do I try to hide from God? 2) What do I have laying out on the table before God right now? 3) Who needs encouragement in practicing “gut level honest” prayer?

Words of Wisdom: “We must train ourselves to “put it all on the table” and talk about it with God.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He commanded them: “Carry out your duties with respect for the LORD, with honesty, and with pure motives.” (2 Chronicles 19:9 NET Bible)

Between Here and Eternity

Weekly Thought – October 27, 2020

Fred built deep, lasting friendships. His commitment to loyalty and confidentiality allowed his friends the freedom to know he was trustworthy and true. These words were delivered to the Elliott Class of the Highland Park Presbyterian Church at the death of his dear friend Jim Smith, who was not a blood relative, but a certain brother in Christ and beloved teacher of the class.

Between Here and Eternity

Yesterday afternoon Jim asked me to come over so he could say goodbye. We sat, held hands, laughed, prayed, talked, and just kept quiet together. Two or three times he said, “This is a blessed time.” It was a time when we blessed each other, recalling the many years of friendship and experiences we had shared. He spoke of his surprise at not going into remission. He firmly believed it would happen. But then in true faith style he said, “It’s all right. Let God’s will be done.” There was no despair, only peace and assurance.

I asked him what it would be like to die without the Lord. “Sheer terror” was his answer.

He told me how much he appreciated the friends who paid off the mortgage on the family home. What a wonderful way to use wealth. That blessing went both ways: to the family and to the giver.

After I left him I sat with the family. They could see I had been crying and they gathered around me, held my hand, and put their arms around me for support. We all stood there upholding each other.

On his mind, also, was this class. I am convinced this class was Jim’s finest work. It was closest to his heart. Year after year we talked together about the class and never once did I ever hear him say, “my class.” It was always “the class.” He knew he didn’t own it; it owned him. The class wasn’t part of his ego, but part of his love. This class is a living memorial to Jim.

A sociological study defined great men and women by the strength of their ideas, how far it reaches, and how influential it is in the lives of others after their death. Jim will never completely die so long as we continue in what he has taught us. When my mentor, Maxey Jarman, died people asked me how I felt and I said, “Maxey will never be dead as long as I’m alive because I am carrying out the things he taught me.”

Once, sitting in the lobby of the Gibson Hotel in Cincinnati, I overheard two writers, one younger, the other older, talking to each other. The younger asked the older, “If you had your life to live over, what would you do?” Without hesitation, the older woman replied, “If I had my life to live over I’d find a cause big enough to give myself to.” Jim had no regrets for having given himself to this class.

As I talked to Jim I realized that he was submitting to the Spirit, not giving up. The act of submission is an act of the will, an act of worship. It is a victory, not a defeat. He crosses from earth to heaven knowing he fulfilled his work and finishes well.

This week carefully consider: 1) Whose life is still going on through me? 2) What is my big cause? 3) How can I submit to the Spirit this week with joy?

Words of Wisdom: “The class wasn’t part of his ego, but part of his love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “My teaching will drop like the rain; my sayings will drip like the dew, as rain drops upon the grass, and showers upon new growth.” (Deuteronomy 32:2 NET Bible)

Avoiding the Potholes and Pitfalls

Brenda’s Blog – October 20, 2020

“Pilot Car: Follow Me”

I have a good friend who recently retired after a long career as an OTR driver. He said truckers say there are only two seasons for those who drive American interstates: winter and road construction. Both create problems and slow their progress.

An addition to his observation is rural East Texas where somehow money is always available to work and rework roads which seemingly have minimal traffic. I often suspect it is good for the local economy and for the results at election time.

Driving to Tyler this week I encountered one of those seasonal hazards – an extended line of construction trucks blocking us off.

As I obediently and fairly patiently waited in the one lane created by the road crew, I glanced at the lead car. The sign in very large letters emphatically instructed: Pilot Car: Follow Me.”

Of course my first reaction was “why do we need that? We can certainly drive the distance without a guide.”

Then, my “find a life principle everywhere” kicked in an I smiled to myself. Life is a construction zone, isn’t it? There are many roads closed down to one lane and obstacles obscure vision and safe travel.

Often we are frustrated by slow forward movement and seek ways to skirt around situations and decisions. Peace is nonexistent. Then I remember life has no true shortcuts – the struggle is real and authentic peace only comes through the trials, not by skipping them.

And help is available. We have wise counselors, life experience, and Biblical imperatives to pilot us as we avoid falling off the paved road and into the pitfalls. We have the hope of successfully traveling through the “slow down: construction zone ahead” and riding on the smooth pavement for a while.

Expanded Realization of God

Weekly Thought – October 20, 2020

Fred emphasized learning as a critical element in maturity and healthy living. One of his friends told him, “Fred, you should go to bed each night knowing less than you knew when you woke up.” He meant we should recognize the vastness of knowledge, never thinking we have mastered it.

During this year the BWFLI campus visits were put on hold. Plans are being made for 2021 and a format which will allow students nationwide to participate through ZOOM and other online chat platforms. Please continue to pray. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Expanded Realization of God

A dilemma arises when thinking about what life in Christ means. I feel smaller as the realization of my Christian identity increases. It never makes me feel bigger but always smaller, and we live in a society that resists anything that reduces our individual identity. An interesting thing happens as I feel smaller, I feel more a part of the Christ-life. I fit in better.

As I increase my realization of God I also increase my ignorance and so the focus moves from knowledge to ignorance for on the periphery of expanded knowledge is always increased ignorance. This ignorance that gives me my excitement and expectation. It is not reviewing what I know but learning what I don’t know that makes life exciting.

1) I am a living soul. One of the most important people in my life was an illiterate woman who worked in a cotton mill for $2.50 a week and lived in a little row house. Shortly before Mrs. Carter died she said, “Fred, pretty soon you’ll hear that Mrs. Carter is dead. Don’t believe it. I’ll be more alive than I’ve ever been in all my life.” I believe that. This living soul of hers and mine will live eternally. This is too big for me to comprehend, but it is the first consideration of my Christian identity.

2) I am a child of God. I am more than a servant, more than a representative, not merely a creature of God, but through the new birth in Christ I am a child of God. Jesus is my brother. I am now a member of the family.

3) My body is the temple of the Spirit – “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” This is the story of Pentecost. This is what the disciples waited for. The spirit is resident, not a consultant. Nor a visitor, but a permanent resident. The spirit is the enabler who lets me say “I can get divine help.” The spirit’s filling means I can be fulfilled. I can overcome temptation, for none comes my way that doesn’t also bring at least one escape hatch and exit ramp. The spirit facilitates conversation with God. And it lets me verify truth by the “witness of the spirit.”

4) I am a witness – We too often talk about giving a witness, meaning a testimony. But life in Christ makes me a living witness. I can wish I were not a witness or even try not to be a witness. I can be a bad witness, but all the same – I am a witness. My friend JoyLynn Hailey Reed, the PhD professor says, “You cannot not communicate.” If you are His, you are a witness to what you are becoming.

This week think about: 1) What shows me how my realization of God is enlarging? 2) Which of Fred’s points can be lived out this week? 3) How am I strengthening my witness for Christ?

Words of Wisdom: “We too often talk about giving a witness, meaning a testimony. But life in Christ makes me a living witness.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He came as a witness to testify about the light, so that everyone might believe through him.”(John 1:7 NET Bible)

Bread of Life

Weekly Thought – October 13, 2020

Fred loved to eat. In his early life he won a chicken eating contest. He was affectionately known as Fat Fred. Years later he modified his habits moderate, but food continued to delight him. A good friend, Ed Yates, faithfully provided him with pies he made especially for Fred. After dialysis he enjoyed slices of Ed’s gifts. Fred loved thinking about the faith journey from unusual vantage points. This week he discourses on the comparison of food and worship styles.

Bread of Life

The analogy between spiritual and physical eating interests me.

Eating habits and style begin early. My family growing up was happy just to have food and the number of forks was irrelevant. Style definitely took a back seat to execution. However, I have some fine Southern friends who believe food cannot be consumed without proper form. Clarence Darrow in his law practice was the great defender of the outcast and downtrodden, but was heard saying. “I will do anything for the common man except eat with him.”

It occurs to me our churchgoing is similar to our eating habits.

Some are gourmets who can only enjoy food if it is expensive, perfectly presented, and consumed in the finest environments. They have cultivated tastes and dignified demeanors. The food must satisfy more than their need for food – it must satisfy their aesthetic sensibilities. Likewise we have members of the Body of Christ who require surroundings and manner of service to satisfy their understanding of worship. The value of the spiritual feeding depends on the environment.

We also have those who insist everything be done in dignity. Decorum is a core value. The surroundings may be less formal, but propriety and proportion are key. They never overeat nor engage in excessive table discussion. Their manners are beyond reproach and their tastes are well-ordered.

Then we have the “all you can eat.” Dinner on the ground crowd. The room is abuzz with conversation. The quality and quantity of the food far exceeds the importance of the serving style. My experience these folks want all their friends to know about the food and how to get a place at the table.

As a born and bred Southern Baptist I can tell you I believe them to be the “chicken eating, share the love of Jesus” group. I will leave the identification of the others to your personal observation.

I once visited a church to hear a friend speak. Unaware of the exact service time I arrived early, entered a totally empty, beautifully appointed stone sanctuary. I picked a convenient aisle seat and enjoyed my time alone in this magnificent edifice. Shortly, an elderly woman came in and nearly sat on my lap in this vacant room. After a few uncomfortable minutes, I asked, “Am I sitting in your seat?” “Yes, our family has occupied these seats for decades.” She is a woman of tradition and decorum and I had violated her “church eating rules.” She would be uncomfortable at my potluck church, but we both desired to be fed.

It is too easy to turn up our noses at those who eat differently, physically or spiritually. A formal service may provide me an experience that a good old Sunday evening song service might not. And the generous serving of the Gospel could bring nutrition to the gourmet churchgoer.

Food is sometimes a luxury, often a joy, and always a necessity. When we know others are eating, we should be thankful they are being nourished.

And bottom line: the focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder bread.

This week think about: 1) Is worship style a matter of principle or preference? 2) How can I live in unity with other communities of faith? 3) What does being an agent of peace look like for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder Bread.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV)

Measuring Success

Brenda’s Blog – October 6, 2020

“I am really proud of how it looks.”

My hairdresser always offers a mirror so I can see the back after a haircut. I always smile and decline. This time she said, “I wish you would look. I am really proud of how it looks.” Years of disappointing, even terrifying results reflected in the mirror taught me just to walk away without the “reveal.”

As I drove home I thought about an assessment process offered by Bill Hendricks and his Giftedness Center. To ascertain motivational drivers he asked me to write out at least twenty experiences with the one requirement: “times when you said to yourself ‘I really did that well.” It was important that these were times when I said to myself “you did a really good job.” It wasn’t to be when I received an award, got an “at-a-girl,” or was applauded. This was important because it made me delve into what I considered success – not how others defined it. He told me it could be a very small event, or perhaps an experience with sizable dimensions, but the measure was my assessment.

Think about this exercise and accept my challenge to seriously consider entering into such an exploration. When you complete your stories, look at them and uncover common threads…they will be there. They will introduce you to motivational patterns and drivers. You will identify times when you were proud of yourself.

You know what I found? I loved to have an idea, bring people together to make it happen, and then stamp “done” on it. Realization became a major driver for me. It taught me having an idea is great fun, but without the execution team I am left wandering around with unrealized ideas and dreams lying around the floor.

How blessed is my hairdresser to know when she is proud of her work. She didn’t wait for me to compliment the style, but boldly spoke out. How free she is!

The understanding of success begins with our awareness of those “I really did that well” moments and organizing our lives to include more activities which prompt that response.

Hugs Are Important

Weekly Thought – October 6, 2020

Fred studied people. And along with daily research he enjoyed scientific and psychological work. He continually thought about what made people tick. His consulting business often focused on interaction among groups of people. His instincts were a clear part of his giftedness.

In light of the COVID restrictions, these thought from Fred significantly remind us of human touch. Although we may not apply them currently, we can file them away for future activation.

Hugs Are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch; I have been studying it for several years. I became interested because the President of the Sloan-Kettering Institute said to the American Medical Association during a lecture: “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black medical valise. We know today that very little in that bag would fully heal anybody, but despite that, people got well. My Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re going to get well.” There is now an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It was the precursor to our teleconferences from my bed following my years of immobility. The students threw questions gat me. I loved the give and take. In preparation for the call, I read their student magazine. Included was a poem by Donna Swanson. It relates to touch and I included it.

When my Mother was 80 years old (on her way to 93) she began to get very wrinkled and was stooped over. It’s said old people miss tactile relationships with others because so many hesitate to touch them. I realized I stopped touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again – what a difference it made to her.

Let me share an excerpt from the poem titled Minnie Remembers by Donna Swanson.

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did those slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws… when, God?”

How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out.

I remember how my mother used to hold me, God. Oh, God, I’m so lonely.

I remember the first boy who ever kissed me. I remember Hank and the babies. Out of the fumbling awkward attempts of new lovers came the babies. And Hank didn’t seem to mind if my body thickened and faded a little. He still loved it…and touched it. And the children hugged me a lot. Oh, God, I’m lonely!

God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty, they come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me. They call me Mom, or Mother, or Grandma.”

I was at a Christian conference in Kentucky when a frumpy little woman, almost square in shape, stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to others. Speakers always watch for that. If somebody stands and waits, they have something they want to say. She walked up to me, straightened up to her full five feet of height, and said, “Would you hug me?” “Of course I will.” I reached out and gave her a big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last? I knew – a long time.”

Consider carefully this week: 1) Even though physical hugs are unacceptable in this season, how can we express closeness to others? 2) Who needs a hug from our heart this week? ) What are the signs of physical deprivation?

Words of Wisdom: “I was very happy I relearned to touch my Mother.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

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