Qualities of Worship

Weekly Thought February 27, 2024

Fred grew up as a – PK (preacher’s kid) which often sent mixed messages about the church. One thing sustained him – the reality of worship. The greatness of God and his awe for the Father never diminished.

Qualities of Worship

What do you think about worship? Here are some of mine through the years.

1) Quiet creates an atmosphere of reverence. Some of my deepest experiences of worship have come in empty churches. Whether it was downtown Chicago, the mountains of Colorado, rural Mexico, or Europe I have gone into churches alone just to sit and worship God quietly. One night in Colorado I stood outside with nothing but starlight illumination. Out loud I asked “How big is God?”

2) In worship we establish a proper position to God. The poem “Invictus” is not my creed. I am NOT the master of my fate; I am not the captain of my soul. God is my Father, Christ is my Savior – He is my Lord. In prayer we position ourselves in humility. It is interesting to me that I have never found a place in scripture where we are told to pray for humility – we are commanded to humble ourselves – We position ourselves in gratitude in worship… not only for the things we have received but for the many unknowing times of protection. We understand our position by faith. And we position ourselves in submission. “I am the vine; you are the branches” Jesus tells us.

3) In worship I evaluate myself. The worshipper’s view of life is the ultimate perspective – revealing and reversing our earthly take. The ultimate challenges us to consider the warning on the car’s side mirror: images in this mirror are larger and closer than they appear. Our eternal position is actually nearer and way larger than we imagine it to be. To live with an eternal perspective alters our priorities.

I think that possibly our children and our grandchildren are one ultimate way we evaluate ourselves. Last night, one of our granddaughters and her friend were at the house about midnight baking cookies (a glass of milk, a dozen cookies, and a granddaughter is about as good as life gets). And I said to her, “Ultimately my life will be evaluated more by our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren than by any other factor of my life.”

4) In worship we lose ourselves. I think “turn ourselves loose” is a better way of putting it. While walking on the gulf beach and studying a shell I picked up I was caught up in the awe and wonder of God. I was briefly distracted by a man who struck up a casual conversation. It quickly moved from “how are you?” to “who are you?” and it became competitive. I lost my focus for when I was looking at the shell and the ocean and thinking of God I turned loose of everything but worship. When my “Type A friend” came by jockeying for position I turned my focus back onto myself… a loss. In true worship I am “lost in the majesty of God.”

Worship is recognizing who He is and who I am in Christ. Worship is the natural response of my heart to a right relationship with myself, with Him, and with others.

This week carefully consider: 1) Where do I experience true worship? 2) What causes me to stop in wonder and awe? 3) How can I pause this week to truly worship?

Words of Wisdom: “Quiet creates an atmosphere of reverence.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The man bowed his head and worshiped the LORD,” (Genesis 24:26 NET Bible)

Life Lessons

Weekly Thoughts – February 20, 2024

Fred asked questions – not just random, shallow ones, but queries which went deep to the heart of situations. When there were problems to solve he asked questions to break up the “log jam.” His philosophy was very simple: “ask a question the person wants to answer.” This week the thought features two questions Fred liked to ask himself.

Life Lessons

I have spent my life asking questions. I always work to find the key question. Here are two that I have meant a lot to me in my development.

1) Does my will control my feelings? Integrity is more a matter of the will than those of feelings. Certainly feelings are important for without them are mechanical. We are unable to connect with others through empathy or compassion. They are great implementors but poor leaders. Our will must control our feelings. The will is the single most distinguishing feature of our character. I was fortunate enough to have a Mother with an indomitable will. In spite of many physical disabilities, she persevered, often quoting Galatians 6:9: Be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not.” Leadership demands a strong will – not a selfish or stubborn will but a determined will to do what needs doing. By will we overcome our yen for pleasure and our satisfaction with mediocrity. There is a will which the leader must give to them in the organization who lack it. This does not blind us to the importance of emotion. It does, however, wring out the rationalization and procrastination that can attack us. Our will, not our feelings must be charged with the ultimate responsibility for our actions.

2) Is grace real for me? The great saints knew grace was genuine, real, personal, and palpable. Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, Francis Fenelon all had no doubt that they were the constant recipients of God’s amazing grace. It was a practical part of their everyday life. For example, Brother Lawrence said that when he made a mistake he didn’t spend any time thinking about it — he simply confessed it and continued on. He told God that without Him falling is natural. Before I read that, I lingered over guilt, thinking “immediate grace is too good to be true.” Brother Lawrence’s experience and counsel greatly released me. Nevertheless legalism appeals to our human nature. I must remind myself that the very Scripture that makes me know my guilt lets me know God’s grace. By refusing grace we play God and punish ourselves. We then view events as punishment; we redefine discipline. In reality it isn’t discipline – just the natural consequences. Mistakenly, we inject our own reading of it as God’s judgment. Why? Because we feel we deserve judgment rather than grace. Grace brings freedom. If only we could accept it fully, then we, like Brother Lawrence, could admit failure, accept forgiveness, and keep on to make forward progress. Such grace cannot be deserved. When I forget that it is a gift and available, I lose its power, depth, and richness until I stop and understand that “he who is forgiven much, loves much.”

This week carefully consider: 1) What are key questions I ask myself? 2) How would I evaluate the ratio between will and feeling in my decision making? 3)When is grace most evident to me?

Words of Wisdom: “I must remind myself that the very Scripture that makes me know my guilt lets me know God’s grace.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Colossians 6:9 NET Bible)

No Matter How You Spell It

Brenda’s Blog – February 13, 2024

“Your [sic] the best Mom!”

I moved from a home where I had lived for decades. There were several cabinets unopened for years. As I looked in to check contents an aged post-it note fluttered down into my hand. The words made my eyes water… “Your [sic] the best Mom.” Everyone who knows me understands my reaction. “You’re, not your…” That is what they would assume. But no, tears, not jeers came. The little hand that wrote those words now belonged to a woman who is a wife, mother, and friend extraordinaire.

Grammar was my last thought. Feeling the effort and emotion displayed in that little yellow note overwhelmed me. Those words were not written during an “all is great” time. No, that note came after a very difficult Mom/teenage daughter season. It was her way of reaching out. Tears? YES!
When my Mom died I cleaned out drawers in her nightstand finding piles of greeting cards she saved. It chronicled the passage of time as three children sent birthday and Mother’s Day greetings. The childlike love grew into adult messages of appreciation and trust.
Too often we let the minutiae get in the way. Perfection is way oversold. Seeing the heart and acknowledging the love is the only thing that matters. Forget the spelling errors, and the grammatical flaws – see the expression and experience it with a grateful heart.

Take A Note and Ask a Question

Weekly Thought – February 13, 2024

Fred, in his mid-to-late twenties, met Maxey Jarman. That introduction grew into a lifelong friendship. A job offer and years of learning under Mr. Jarman and other strong, wise men helped Fred set a path for accomplishment.

Take A Note and Ask a Question

One form of mentoring helps the mentoree define the principles of living. Recently a young man said to me, “Mr. Smith, my grandfather was everything to me. He loved me and he taught me how to live.” That young man was surely blessed by a relationship like that. As we look at lifestyle mentoring in scripture, we think of Paul and Timothy. From the text we don’t know how much technical “how to be a missionary” time was spent between them. But we do know Paul was an excellent sponsor – a father in the faith. He allowed Timothy to work with him, observing, and absorbing. The words of Paul to Timothy were pointed and key to establishing healthy life patterns.

For years Zig Ziglar and I meet regularly to talk. Without fail the first thing Zig does is pull out his notepad and pen even though his memory for material is far better than most. I told him I was writing about mentoring and he said, “Be sure and tell the person being mentored to take notes. No one should trust his memory with anything this important.” Another friend, Dr. Ramesh Richard always puts his electronic notetaker on the table when we begin talking. “Mr. Smith, I have a completed recorded file of all our conversations.” For forty years as I worked with Maxey Jarman first as his employee, to a trusted consultant, fellow Christian board member, friend, and confidante I wrote down everything I saw him do or say that I thought was key. I was continually learning and wanted to remember both the principles and the illustrations.

Having a lifestyle mentoring relationship is not the same as a skill-based, or situational mentorship. This one focuses on a long time walking with another. The mentor is to be open, real, and to consistently personify their values before the young mentoree. Asking questions is a significant part of this process. One man with whom I have an ongoing conversation always comes prepared with questions to ask me before I enter that “senile eclipse.” (Editor’s note: Bill Glass, who considered Fred a mentor for 60 years came to the ICU for his last visit with Fred notebook and pen in hand. “I still have some questions for Fred,” he told the family in the waiting room.)

The mentor must provide a comfortable environment in which the mentoree feels free to ask any questions he considers needed. These may be questions about the mentor’s life or situations that may be coming. Questions like: “What were the major decisions in your life? What were the circumstances? What were the principles involved? How did you evaluate the outcome?” The more probing the questions, the better the learning.

A good mentor never ridicules a question. The mentor may choose to not answer, but must never ridicule for that shuts off the pump which produces the flow.

Lifestyle mentoring is coming alongside another for the purpose of learning and development. This won’t be the ordinary process. In fact, it will be reserved for very few, but for the right combination it provides an opportunity for a mentor to pass on more than techniques. As Paul said to Timothy, take what you are learning from me and build it into the lives of others who will then teach. Lifestyle mentoring is an effective method of torch passing.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who do I seek out for meaningful conversations? 2) What questions should I be asking a mentor?3) How can I become available to learners?

Words of Wisdom: “The mentor must provide a comfortable atmosphere in which questions can be freely asked.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance! (Proverbs 1:5 NET Bible)

Lessons from the Beach

Weekly Thought – February 6, 2024

Fred and Mary Alice enjoyed owning a condo in the Padre Island area for ten years. She loved walking the beach and collecting shells. He appreciated watching and writing down his observations.

Lessons from the Beach

I once went to our beach condo during Spring Break – not by intention! Have you ever been sober among the drunk? Old among the young? Outsider among the insiders? Fully clothed among the….well, you get the idea! It seemed to me the kids wanted three things:

1) Fun – it appeared the fun must always be eluding them because they were frantically looking for it. Fun is a phantom. Their laughter was hollow. They were loud, profane, and destructive Judging by the trash on the beach, fun is expensive. This search for fun was the definition of hedonism.

2) Irresponsibility – the essence of their irresponsibility could be summarized by three words: drunk, nude, and drugged. Signs encouraging women to “get naked” were plastered everywhere. I don’t have any experience with the drug culture, but judging by their behavior I had to believe they were “spaced out.”

3) Anonymity -The group provided a way to blend into a social mass, but it became more of a social mess. Behavior which would have been unthinkable alone gained acceptance with the mob mentality. I walked into our condo lobby as the police were interviewing four males who had raped a female. Not one of them carried any ID – they weren’t individuals for they were just part of the amorphous spring break culture. Spring break would end and the students would return to school with tales of beach conquests. These males, instead, may find themselves in jail and the female would leave scarred for life. They had chosen anonymity, but in so doing, had given up much of their unique identities.

We don’t automatically grow out of the search for fun, irresponsibility, and anonymity. Someone asked me, “what would it take to reach maturity?” For these beach goers they would have to 1) turn fun into joy; 2) exchange irresponsibility for accountability; 3) exchange anonymity for understanding identity and the outcome of having our name written in the book of life.

The danger of the beach week is not so much the three or four days of binge, but it is the danger of thinking the sinful appetite can be satisfied. It can be much more – it is a fire which constantly changes its appearance. What can be beach week turns into adult patterns with the same principles. I have known adults who never outlive the beach but disguise the search in more “adult” expressions. It can be greed, hunger for power, or desire for status. No matter what they try, the fire isn’t extinguished.

This week carefully consider: 1) What have I done to eliminate any Spring Break thinking? 2) How can I help younger ones understand the long term consequences of a lost week? 3) When do I see colleagues falling into immature thinking?

Words of Wisdom: “We don’t automatically grow out of the search for fun, irresponsibility, and anonymity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The wise person accepts instructions, but the one who speaks foolishness will come to ruin.” (Proverbs 10:8 NET Bible)

Progress Through Patience

Brenda’s Blog – January 30, 2024

“Learn to live with ugly for awhile.”

The local master gardener posted an article with advice for post-extreme cold gardening. “People assume the low temperatures have killed all their outdoor plantings. They immediately cut them all down. But wait – not until the thaw and warmer temperatures come can a true evaluation be made. It may take time and you must “learn to live with ugly.”

Plants that are traumatized by extreme cold aren’t the only examples of this principles, are they? What about other losses? What about critical experiences?

The temptation to run, hide, and emotionally detach is like the gardener who wants to immediately purge the beds of the dead plants. We have an automatic desire to take action – to do something. But wisdom says, “Wait, trust, assess, and ‘learn to live with ugly.’”

In financial services we always counseled clients undergoing a life change to avoid major decisions for at least two years. Bill Lawrence, founder of Leader Formation International, seminary professor, and eminent Bible teacher gave me an acronym which has served me well for over 30 years. Bill said, “Before making a significant decision HALT!” He went on to explain: “Never make a life altering decision when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” Before action, take time to consider all the facts. Emotional decisions can carry a high price tag.

We need to give circumstances to clear up. And until that time we just “learn to live with the ugly.”

Life Is Not A Grapefruit

Weekly Thought – January 30, 2024

Fred focused on the process of maturity. He believed in the consistent devotion to the fullness of character. A casual, passive lifestyle held absolutely no appeal for Fred. Taking his gifts and developing them was of prime importance.

Life Is Not A Grapefruit

While speaking in Cincinnati a visitor to the hotel walked by the auditorium, heard me, and took a seat in the back of the room. The next day he called and asked to meet for lunch. I discovered he held a PhD in chemistry, followed Gandhi devotedly, and lived in India. After hearing about his time in our country I asked, “What have you observed about Americans?”

“Well,” he said, “you Americans are segmented. A large part of your life is devoted to making money. You have one for family, another for social interaction, and yet another for religion. But they are not tied together with any philosophical thread. Each of them stands alone, almost as if you are a different person in each of these roles.”

I asked him to tell me about Dr. Gandhi. “Dr. Gandhi had all the areas of interest I mentioned, too, but in his life each was an expression of his religion.”

I realized the chemist had made a profound observation about American life. I also realized his comment about Gandhi was one of the greatest compliments I had ever heard paid to another. The focused, unsegmented life is a rarity today.

Even the church, at least in our culture, sometimes has a tendency to segment persons. We take the section labeled “spiritual”, dressing it up differently from the rest. The Sunday culture can differ greatly from the everyday – different people, vocabulary, and activities… all with little in common with the other six days. Few people think of their work as an expression of their faith. Few think of time with family as spiritual, or social occasions as religious experiences.

After speaking at a seminary chapel service I met with a faculty group. The very first question was: “How long have you been bi-vocational?” “What do you mean? I asked. Their answer: “How long have you been in ministry and in business?”

“I am not bi-vocational. That term means one interest is above the other or that I stop doing one temporarily while I am doing the other. That is not so; I carry them simultaneously. Hopefully I am a whole person – a Christian. Both my speaking, my consulting, and my board activities are expressions of that wholeness.” I could tell that these experienced theologians still accepted the segmented concept of the Christian life.

This week carefully consider: 1) How often do I find myself segmenting my life? 2) What work can I do to integrate each area? 3) Who models wholeness for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The focused, unsegmented life is a rarity today.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Levels of Listening

Weekly Thought – January 30, 2024

Fred studied “the question behind the question” long before it became a popular corporate sales training concept. He also was a student of language (spoken and body). He consistently looked to break down the differences between manifest and latent skills. He differentiated them considering the actual words used while latent is looking for what is behind what is being said.

Levels of Listening

I like to consider four levels of listening:

1) The meaning of words – even the meaning breaks down into three distinct categories: dictionary colloquial, and personal. Dictionary definitions are relatively easy. Colloquial expressions generally mean the same to everyone in the conversation; on the other hand, personal words need to be carefully understood. Communication can be hindered when personal words are misused or misunderstood.

2) The choice of words – while the meaning of words is largely manifest, the choice of words moves into the latent category. Word choice can give a rather reliable evaluation of a person’s depth of intelligence, scope of interest, ability to think in principles or techniques, as well as the moral basis of the expression. The choice of words demonstrates the speaker’s emotions. Our feelings show through in the description of individuals and situations. The news media has great skill in coloring reportage by choosing emotionally charged words.

3) The sound of words – a key to masterful listening is shutting out the meaning and the choice and focusing only on the sound. Fox ample, the rhythm many times gives us a cue to the person’s emotional nature, as well as the familiarity with the subject. Coming out of church one day I asked our younger daughter what she thought about the sermon. “Dad, I couldn’t get the words to go into my ears.” Mary Alice enjoys the British comedies, but I am like our daughter — I can’t get the words (probably the accent) go into my ears. Part of sound is the pitch and speed. As the speaker gets more excited the pitch becomes more intense and the speed increases. Tone is another aspect of sound. A nasal tone usually leaves a negative impression. Think of children who whine. Change of pace is an interesting part of sound. Often when a speaker is speaking to an important point will slow down, lower their tone, and change the pace. Sound is a central part of latent listening. Two other aspects are pauses and mistakes. Usually breaks occur when the speaker is thinking about two words or phrases simultaneously.

4) The sight of words – I know we don’t actually see the words, but we do see the physical expression in the gestures which are used. Are they friendly or hostile? Open or closed? What is the facial expression, particularly the movement of the mouth? Do they have any facial tics or body movements which are significant? Other sight clues are clothes and office environment.

In the decades I have studied listening I have seen those who study in order to manipulate, not create more effective communication. It is a method of diagnosis, much like a physician’s. He evaluates in order to treat. Good listeners hear the words spoken and unspoken. We listen to better lead.

This week think about: 1) How much time have I spent developing my listening skills? 2) Who models both manifest and latent listening well? 3) Which situations stimulate my listening abilities? Which hinder?

Words of Wisdom: “Manifest listening is considering what the person is saying; latent is that which is behind the spoken words.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:5 NET Bible)

Hugs Are Important

Weekly Thought – January 16, 2024

Fred learned to hug… no, Fred chose to learn to hug. His thoughts on the importance of physical touch illustrate how a man who grew up in a generation of non-hugging men discovered the power. His grandchildren benefited from the time with a Grandfather who appreciated their warm hugs.

Hugs Are Important

One of my ongoing studies is the subject of therapeutic touch. I have been working on it for several years. I got interested in it because the President of the Sloan-Kettering Institute said to the AMA during an address. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well, because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, ‘You’re gonna get well.’”

I read of an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did a telephone Interview for the University of Nebraska. At the time that was an interesting new interview technique. The interviewer is sitting with a large audience at a conference or academic classroom. The hour is spent asking and answering questions. In preparation for this session they sent me the school magazine. Interestingly, there was a poem written by Donna Swanson. It expresses her thoughts about touch and aging. It triggered distinct emotions about her words on the loneliness which accompanies lack of human touch.

When my Mother was 80 years old (she lived to be 93) she began noticeably aging. Her once porcelain smooth skin wrinkled badly and her military-like posture began to slump. It surprised me and also reminded me that one of the negative aspects of aging is the lack of physical touch. By this time my Dad had been gone for over twenty years, her “boys” grew up and moved away, and she lived in an apartment by herself. I finally realized she suffered from the lack of the physical, tactile element in relationships. In her very old-fashioned way she would greet the grandchildren with, “Come give Nanny some sugar!” She wanted to show her love by giving healthy hugs, but it often frightened the little ones.

Studies show the reticence to touch older people is not uncommon. In nursing homes many of the residents will sit for days without visitors and specifically without any touch.

I realized I had quit touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again and it made a big difference… to her and to me.

I was speaking at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a Christian meeting. Afterwards a quiet, shy woman stood at the back and waited for me to finish talking with other people. In speaking you always notice those who purposely wait because they usually have to something specific to say. She finally walked up to me. She wasn’t over 5 feet tall, so she looked up at me and said, “Would you hug me?” I said, “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who do I need to hug? 2) Why do I think people avoid physical contact with the elderly? 3) How can I become more aware of my own need for a hug?

Words of Wisdom: “I realized I had quit touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again and it made a big difference… to her and to me.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their adversity and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27 NET Bible)

Dressed for Success

Brenda’s Blog – January 16, 2024

“Royals have no muscle mass because somebody does everything for them.”

This commentary triggered my thinking. Articles about the lifestyle of royals often mention the fact that they are responsible for no domestic duties. They don’t mow the grass, carry out the garbage, or for sure drive carpool. Ordinary exceptions can be understood, but when we read that the valets and special assistants are responsible for the entire wardrobes of royals, assuring them that the exact protocol is followed, it assures me they are not everyday people. The theory was their time was so valuable that by having someone to participate in the dressing gave the monarch the ability to focus on the important issues of the coming day.

My parents had a vacation home in Colorado. My Dad loved to rise early, go to a local restaurant, and enjoy the local color. Sartorial splendor was not Dad’s number one priority. He dressed splendidly when in business mode, or on a platform as a keynote speaker. However, when he was casual – he was pragmatic… Clothes served a very practical purpose and style usually came in a distant second.

One morning he sat down and one of his favorite servers stopped by the table, laughed and said, “Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning!” It became a favorite family story and tag line.

In his later years he was bed bound, but continued to attend a favorite monthly prayer group established decades ago by key executives in the Dallas area. It met at the Dallas Country Club. In the final months he continued to attend, but did not have the strength or interest to focus on his attire. In fact, his aides drove him to the front door of the prestigious club in the handicap van, rolled him out in his wheel chair, and led him to the meeting room – all while he was in his plaid flannel pajamas! He defended his decision against family objections with the simple comment, “They don’t invite me for what I am wearing, but for what I am thinking. I still have a contribution to make. I am too weak to care about spending energy getting dressed up, but my mind is still immaculately attired.”

What contribution do you have to make? How are you making its development a priority? How are you protecting your energies to focus on the important aspects of your giftedness?

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