Weekly Thought – September 28, 2021

Fred believed in defining a lifestyle as a measure for making life decisions. He and Mary Alice set their priorities when they were newly married and renting one room from a “widow lady.” Several of their friends adopted this habit, as well. One couple said they decided how much money was enough, and when resources exceeded that limit, they increased their giving and not their consumption.

Defining a Lifestyle

A quality lifestyle doesn’t just happen – it takes hard work. When talking with those who are engaging in this exercise I ask them to consider several questions. Here are four of the principal ones:

1) What do I really enjoy doing? The thing I have a talent for, the thing I do best and enjoy the most should certainly be considered first. However, there should always be guidelines because certain things that people enjoy need to come into line with Christian thought. The lifestyle needs to be under the discipline of our scriptural faith.

2) When do I feel good about myself? This is the second defining question. What makes me feel I have meaning, worth, and uniqueness? Too many trade their gifts for money and success. Too many become a human medium of exchange sacrificing the gifts given for usefulness, not just for commerce. If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.

3) When do I feel joy? What creates a deep sense of satisfaction? When do I get the “life should be like this more often” feeling? Personally, this comes in times of genuine worship. It is not limited to church services alone. It is in those times when I sense the largeness of God and the smallness of Fred. When I feel the smallest I feel the most secure.

4) What gives me balance and authenticity? Speaking to a large group of executives I mentioned the fact that it is wonderful to wake up at 2:00 in the morning and the “little guy” inside is happy to talk with me. But if he says, “Get lost. I’ve lost respect for you,” then I know I am in trouble. One of the men jumped up, saying, “Man, you have plowed up a snake!” I knew right away he had spent some early morning hours wrestling with his little guy.

There must be ethical harmony within the lifestyle we define. Our life must reflect good relations with our family, friends, and associates. A healthy lifestyle definition strives for a compatible, beautiful, harmonious life.

This week think about: 1) Which of the questions makes me really think? 2) How am I communicating this exercise to others? 3) When I have a definition, what will I do with it?

Words of Wisdom: “If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of joy with your presence.” (Acts 2:28 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 31, 2021

Fred loved stimulating conversation. He developed the skill of cultivating interesting people. He, also, knew how to nurture these abilities in others. Ever a teacher, he thought analytically forming ideas in such a way they could be easy communicated and used.

Creating Favorable Attention

Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships. Discourteous interruption, yawns, inappropriate dressing, or excessive exaggeration create attention – the wrong kind.

Bill Russell, the great basketball player and coach, said the first thing a player in his first All-Pro game thinks about is avoiding making a humiliating mistake. He said it is important to get into the game, and get comfortable before going for the big play. This principle works in social and business situations.

Unfortunately, our media-hyped culture has developed the concept that all attention is good – “just spell my name right!” Very few of us can afford press agents, so it is up to us to make sure our coverage is favorable. Careers can hinge on a minor faux pas and major gaffes.

Think about conversations… sometimes we are so eager to get into the conversation we come in clumsily on our left foot. Knowing this about ourselves, we should program ourselves for quietness, depending on attentive listening until we become comfortable and sense the rhythm of the conversation. A talented middle management person I know will probably never move to the top simply because the first two minutes of almost conversation is ruined. The social insecurity negates the professional expertise. Upon introduction, sarcasm and sassy remarks becomes the tools of choice… bad choice. Quiet followed by constructive remarks would change the entire perception. Simply rehearsing ways of entering conversations could make a tremendous difference in career advancement.

Competitive – or worse, combative – remarks in the beginning of a conversation (particularly with strangers or mere acquaintances) reminds me of the movie cowboy who pushes open the saloon doors shouting, “I can whip any man here!”

Self-deprecation is not the answer. The person whose insecurity drives them to dispel nervousness through self-effacement. This always creates a negative impression. Accepting compliments is an important skill to develop. A gracious woman accepted a compliment on her attire demonstrating her skill. “Thank you so much. I’ll remember your compliment every time I wear this dress.” She accepted praise by making it about the other person. In accepting she received favorable attention.

Poise demonstrates control. Gaining favorable attention means managing any habits that result in unfavorable attention. Spending time assessing and asking close friends to give feedback can allow personal development which makes a significant difference in the way we are perceived and received. And then practice makes perfect.

This week think carefully about: 1) How aware am I of habits that create negative attention? 2) Who could give me honest, helpful feedback? 3) What process do I have in place (or need) to promote favorable attention?

Words of Wisdom: “Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” (Proverbs 13:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 24, 2021

Fred appreciated Albert Einstein. One of his favorite Einstein quotes inspired his own thinking: “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.” He avoided conversation filled with fluff and flattery.

Beginning next week we will begin adding content from the thousands of 3×5 cards Fred kept as a personal resource from his own thoughts, as well as quotes from others. We are working to create a permanent archive for these cards and their profound wisdom. Would you pray for us as we dive into this very deep pool? Thank you.

Conversational Simplicity

Mary Alice in a very untypical choice became interested in an old black and white western movie. The main characters were a thirtyish, soft-spoken farmer’s wife; the farmer; and a toddler baby boy. The wife died leaving the man to raise the boy. As she lay dying he shared his dream of building her a house with a porch and rocking chairs under the hackberry tree.

When the wife died the husband with singleness of purpose dedicated himself to raising the son. The commitments he made required very little conversation. They were total, simple, direct, and all-consuming.

Commitment is a large part of the simple life. Paul said, “this one thing I do.” Modern man says, “these many things I will try.” They rarely settle on any one thing as being completely worthy of a focused life.

The simple farmer felt that living out a simple life, fulfilling his responsibilities, and not asking too much was all the reward that life offered him. There is great dignity in this. Advertising in all its forms creates discontent, shouting at us about what we do not have and what we should be getting. Few people in our culture would sit under a hackberry tree after a hard day’s work. True essence is elegant by its nature and doesn’t need additional external trappings.

The farmer spoke to his baby boy, “I’ll raise you good if it takes every breath in my body.” Simple elegance.

This simplicity was part of the man. In this film his conversation was never more than two or three words. That certainly made it easier on the script writer!

The farmer said things simply, not feeling that he had to justify or rationalize or make himself look good by his conversation. Much of urban conversation is impressing, justifying, embellishing, and talking for effect. When men and women come to me for counsel on public speaking I tell them one of the very first rules is: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

The truth simply spoken is a brilliant jewel in an elegant Tiffany mounting… understated yet always appropriate.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I monitor my conversational motivations? 2) What do I do when I recognize I am trying to impress, not just express? 3) Who models clear, simple conversation?

Words of Wisdom: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6 NIV Bible)