Weekly Thought – July 28, 2015

Fred spoke to singles’ retreats and sometimes received unusual requests. After one presentation a woman came up and waited patiently while others spoke to him. Finally, her turn came and she simply said, “I need you to find me a husband.” “Pardon, me, ma’am, but we have never met so why do you think I am to do this?” “I was told older men have the responsibility to find proper men for single women… and you are old.” He graciously declined. His practical wisdom helped many singles throughout the country. This 2002 article gives an insight into his thinking.

The Stress of Singleness

Mary Alice and I will be married 66 years June 25, 2003. We haven’t been single for a long time, but I have been asked a lot throughout my life to speak to singles groups. Here are a few of the common stressors.

1) Time pressures – too many confuse the fast track and the frantic track. But what a significant difference there is! I believe in the energy and excitement of the former, but distrust and deny the latter. Unfortunately, some singles equate inactivity with loss of inclusion. They say “yes” to every invitation seeking belongingness. And, singles just pushed by time when others assume they are available “because they don’t have families at home.”

2) Peer pressures – the stress of adolescent peer pressure should lessen as we age, but I see too many who still fall into the trap of giving too much control away. When they let others set their direction, goals, and definition of accomplishment, they open the door to unhealthy stresses. There are no age limits (or even marital status) which keep us from looking to others for approval, but I see many singles who put too much emphasis on the acceptance of friends and colleagues. Because of this stress, it is critical to carefully analyze and appraise those who are influencers.

3)Money – I notice when I talk with singles groups I find a particular weakness for advertising claims…and it eats them up. Madison Avenue invests big bucks to reach this particular demographic. Sporting activities are a prime example. Have you ever considered how much it costs to “look like a golfer? Tennis player? Bike rider?” No one just takes up a hobby without all the proper accoutrements. Living the lifestyle often squeezes singles into a tough spot which creates debt and stress. A plan and financial strategy are necessary elements in anyone’s life, but particularly for those who are targeted for impulse and emotional buying.

4) Relationships – Developing healthy relationships can be difficult. Many times when I speak to groups I find informal discussions coming around to the loneliness of singleness. Finding people to trust isn’t easy. Growing in a spiritual relationship doesn’t come more readily just because there is no spouse and children to consider. Being single doesn’t automatically create spiritual depth. The stress of being Mother Teresa or Apostle Paul can lay heavy on single shoulders.

God calls each of us to our own walk. Whether married or single, our focus is to be on Him and in Him. He is the answer to the stresses. He gives the peace. He moves us toward maturity.

This week think carefully about: 1) How can I serve those who are single? 2) What does singleness mean in the Christian community? 3) Who is struggling with loneliness as well as aloneness?

Words of Wisdom: “Money is a tool, not an idol. It gives option. It is a stewardship.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.” (Proverbs 12:25 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 19, 2015

Fred thoroughly enjoyed challenges. He moved a refrigerator by himself once just to see if he could figure out the principles of leveraging. He accepted mental experiments, as well. In his later years when he was bed-bound, he stayed awake all night thinking of punch lines to jokes. At 2:00am, he finally fell asleep.

Your ongoing support and encouragement mean much to us. We gratefully accept the challenge to bring you bite-sized portions of Fred’s wisdom week by week. Please pray for the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute teams as they begin their preparation for the 2016 schedule.

Tongue Management

Historians credit the discovery of fire as one of the most critical for civilization. Its positive properties are many, but unmanaged it is destructive. Scripture refers to the tongue as similar to fire. Management of this organ starts with the heart. Our speech comes from our inner thoughts and desires.
For the tongue to have freedom, the spirit must have purity. It must be purged of ego, greed, hostility. The poisonous word comes from the toxic heart.

Years ago I was asked to be interim music director for a small church in suburban Nashville. When I agreed, the pastor asked me to sign a covenant stating I would not criticize anyone while I was there. I agreed to do it almost as an experiment, for it was so contrary to my general disposition. After a few months I realized I never felt more community than I did there. As I look back, I realize it was the fact of refusing to say anything negative about anyone that made the difference. I could face any person there with complete freedom because I had never said a hurtful word about anyone.

The Wrong Question

How tired I get of hearing people question the goodness of God by saying, “How could a loving God let my dear one die with cancer?” Disease came with the fall, not the callousness of God. The question is, “What evil did we bring on ourselves when Adam and Eve sinned?” We live in a fallen world bearing the consequences of disease, disastrous choices, and disabling habits. To question the character of God because we either don’t understand or don’t accept is immature thinking. We can struggle with the outcomes, but we must correctly ask the questions. Too seldom do I hear Satan blamed. He has become the practitioner of transference, ascribing to God his nefarious activities. Out eternal enemy is Satan but he, like some of our political leaders, is a great spinmeister and gets us to perceive either God or other believers as our enemy. The question we must always be asking is, “How can we know God for who He is?”

This week think about: 1) How well do I manage my tongue? Do “tongues of fire” defeat me more than I like? 2) What would a week without a critical remark look like? 3) What am I learning about the nature of God right now?

Words of Wisdom: “For the tongue to have freedom, the spirit must have purity. It must be purged of ego, greed, hostility. The poisonous word comes from the toxic heart.”

Wisdom from the Word: “If someone thinks he is religious yet does not bridle his tongue, and so deceives his heart, his religion is futile.” (James 1:26 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 28, 2015

Fred enjoyed taking an idea and chasing it down. As we enter into his “blogosphere” with his mini-essays, we get a glimpse of this mental exercise. Golf was one of his great loves, so inspiration from this sport is very natural.

We appreciate all who are part of the BWF community. Your interest, your encouragement, and your support are gratefully received.

Political Positioning

To place an individual in a position outside his gift for political purposes is leadership prostitution.
God has endowed each person with gift that will glorify Himself. When we use the person for our own political security without regard for their gifting we are taking something that should be honoring God and taking it for our own benefit.

I refuse to work outside my gift even though I have received a great deal of pressure to assume work expectations out of loyalty to my friend, the leader.

I have listened to many Sunday School teachers who definitely lacked the gift of teaching. They were organizational loyalists and caved into the pleadings of a friend who needed to fill the teaching roster. Sadly, even religious associations promote some to leadership out of expediency or “they deserved it” thinking. When they have none of the gifts necessary they either flail or fail. Or, they carry the title and someone else does the work. (more…)

Weekly Thoughts – April 21, 2015

Fred blogged before blogging was cool (or even a word). Often in the middle of the night he awoke, grabbed his tape recorder, and created what he called “mini essays.” They capture a thought in post-size pieces. Two of them are shared and more will come. Fred is regarded as “timely and timeless” because his thinking fit way before and way after his time.

THANK YOU for praying as we begin the planning for the 2016 Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institutes.

It Works

Recently I attended a Guideposts seminar on “The Power of Positive Thinking in Business.” Attending was a very bright woman executive who was EVP of a large corporation. During the break she wanted to visit.

In the conversation she said, I used to be a Methodist but now I’m an all-out New Ager because it works for me. She said it with such emphasis, conviction, and triumph I wanted to learn more of her story but the break ended.

When I hear leaders claim God’s blessings on their efforts because “it works” I question their thinking. Many times we rationalize questionable methods as practical because “they work – human methods”.

Is “working” the real test of spiritual endeavors? My friend Warren Hultgren, the former pastor of the First Baptist Church of Tulsa, OK, pointed out to me that “working” is a faulty measure. After all, Moses got water after striking the rock twice… it looked like it worked. But he was denied access into the Promised Land for his disobedience. (more…)

Weekly Thought – April 14, 2015

Fred highly regarded education. Unable to attend college, he spent a lifetime studying. Often when he spoke at colleges he laughed about having to wear a “choir robe” because he had no doctoral hood. He exemplified a true student who encouraged others in the pursuit of wisdom.

The BWFLI schedule is developing well. Please continue to pray for us as we begin the planning.

Education Matters

President John F. Kennedy, addressing an assemblage of Nobel laureates at the White House, and said, “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent and human knowledge assembled for a White House dinner since Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

Education is not solitary. One of the reasons we get together is to pool our knowledge and experience. The purpose isn’t competition, but coordination. Each of us in the room knows something that the others do not. The stimulating challenge is the sharing until you realize what you did not know.

Our political environment demonstrates the necessity of true education. In a cynical moment Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Politics is the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.” In today’s complex world this opinion is proven false.

Aristotle believed that proper governance depended on the education of the youth. But what they learn is critical. Through formal education, each generation can build on the knowledge of the prior. I believe this is only true if we accept the principles that the knowledge produced. If we deny the principles, then we are starting to reinvent the wheel. And the preparation needed for leadership is lacking. (more…)

Weekly Thought -September 2, 2014

Fred considered his ability to think one of his gifts. His abundant notes scribbled on everything from matchbooks to church offering envelopes supported this belief. Recently a spiral notebook was uncovered containing outlines for Sunday School lessons at Park Cities Baptist Church in Dallas, a school board, and other speaking venues. One section outlined four months of thoughts. For each day a one line subject is assigned. His goal was to devote thinking time each time to an independent concept. The breadth of these musings is amazing. For example, Jazz versus classical music, family values, or marks of mentoring. There is no text – just the notation.

Thank you for praying as we strive to share the fruit of his thinking with others. We appreciate your prayers, your emails, and your financial support.

Redefine Achievement

A noted organizational development expert recommends to his clients they segment their lives into business units. He tells them to see themselves as CEO with each area a corporate division. In this model, they have direct reports for the physical, financial, spiritual, relational, career, and intellectual division of their company. Quarterly reports are required. It is great if all divisions are profitable, but when they aren’t, strategic plans are developed to ensure a healthy bottom line. For example, when a report is submitted showing a 10 pound “overage,” the physical division is running in the red. A plan for weight loss is immediately put in place. The other divisions with positive results get the “attaboys.”

When the career division is deficient, we often think the game is over. But another way to look at this is to look for accomplishment in the other areas. I call this reattaching our egos. During rough, dark times our egos take a beating. It is critical to control our egos during these seasons.     (more…)

Weekly Thought – July 15, 2014

Fred believed we have much to learn from our enemies.  He also believed we are known by not only the friends, but also our enemies.  He also believed in external and internal opposition.  “Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.”

Please pray for BWFLI as we establish the campus schedule for the next two years.  We look forward to seeing where the Lord takes the teams of leading men and women.

Overcoming, not Overwhelming

Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan tells the story of Christian and his trek to the Celestial City.  Along the way are the City of Delight and the Valley of Despair.  He starts on his way, determined to persevere, but the enemies actively pursue him.  Successful perseverance comes by overcoming the enemies cleverly disguised, and customized to fit each traveler and each situation.

Many of our obstacles may be external, but the most serious are generally internal.  When I was a director of the S.H Kress Company, I visited the stores and asked the manager about his problems.  If he described them as externally driven, I doubted his managerial capabilities.  If he discussed the internal problems, I knew we had a manager with potential for progress.  This manager defined situations he could do something about.  Certainly, there were external threats, but most were out of his control.

Each step of the perseverance process comes back to building good mental disciplines.  Fighting the enemies of endurance requires good habits.  Start with a reflex, and then train it into a habit.  Habits are our friends.     (more…)

Weekly Thought – July 1, 2014

Fred loved watermelon!  After he went on dialysis he reduced his fluid intake dramatically.  But summertime watermelons were his nemesis.  A dear friend, Ed Yates, figured out how to make watermelon pie which delighted Fred.  Ed once said, “Put enough whipped cream on anything and it tastes great.”  Each July 4th Fred remembered his days of chicken and watermelon eating contests.

On this holiday week, we celebrate the freedom to practice our faith.  At the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute, we gratefully acknowledge the privilege to connect with Christian colleges and universities.

Never Panic

Since childhood I have been interested in automobile racing.  I am fascinated by the driver’s ability to hit the wall and yet steer his car through the traffic into the infield.  He doesn’t quit unless he is unconscious.  He fights to minimize the loss and avoid deadly pileups.  Panic means giving in to the circumstances and giving up all control.  The racer’s rule: keep as much control as possible.

We handle the urge to panic differently.  1) Some are hysterical; explode like a Roman candle, going all to pieces with their hands in the air, mouths wide open, and eyes tightly shut. 2) Others deny loss and assume the ostrich position.  The downside of this stance: those who put their heads in the sand leave an awful lot of backside exposed.  And, people love to kick it. 3) Fatalists placidly surrender to the circumstances, like my friend who convinced himself plane crashes come in threes.  When one occurred, he waited for the next two before flying again.  He created a fatalistic formula that controlled his life.

May I give you a word or two on fatalism?  Sadly, there are those who believe you can’t get comfortable with good things because bad quickly and certainly follows.  They see life as a set of scales which balance between triumph and tragedy.  The illogical extension of this thinking is the warped view that God is poised in vindictive mode, poised for the scales to tip to the “gotcha” side.    (more…)

Weekly Thought – June 24, 2014

Fred and Mary Alice were married 67 years.  Their life together began on June 25, 1937.  They rented a room from an older woman and lived there saving money and setting their course.  They never lived beyond their means, always choosing to save half their income.  Their family has grown to 3 adult children, 2 dear in-laws, 6 grandchildren, and 13 great grandchildren.  We remember this marriage with gratitude.

Would you like to be part of a discussion group centered around Leading with Integrity?  It would be a 4-5 week commitment using either teleconference or skype formats.  If so, please contact us via the Breakfast With Fred group on Facebook, the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute page on Facebook or emailing brenda@breakfastwithfred.com

The Benefit of Failure

Every multi-millionaire I know has suffered failure.  Mike Todd, the movie mogul, was once asked if he had ever been poor.  “No, but I have been broke two or three times.”  Broke was a temporary financial condition; poor was a mental condition.  Most of America’s poverty cannot be solved by throwing money at it.  We are distressed by poverty of the spirit, not just the pocketbook.

Financial reversals often impact self-image, and the desire to accomplish.  In reflecting on my upbringing, the thought struck me – we didn’t know we were as poor as we were.  Our family focused on the art of living, not the standard of living.    (more…)

Weekly Thought – June 10, 2014

Fred once said he likes to think of his one-liners and visual descriptions as handles on ideas. Without a handle it is impossible to pass a hot pot from one place to another. He appreciated other thinkers who enabled others get their arms around helpful concepts. Peter Drucker influenced him greatly.

Thank you for supporting the legacy of Fred Smith, Sr. Your encouragement consistently brightens our hearts.

Time to Repot?

Peter Drucker’s power phrase, “repotting,” aptly describes the action of uprooting and continuing growth in another environment. It brilliantly captures the process of changing careers in the middle of life.

I am not a gardener, but Mary Alice loves to plan flowers. I noticed her moving a perfectly good plant from a perfectly good pot to a larger one. Ever curious, I asked her why she would spend the time and money to do that. “It has outgrown the old pot and needs more room for the roots to expand.” That is precisely what my friend Peter is saying.

When things are going great, we hesitate to change. But when things come to a standstill, it may be the best alternative. Your roots may need more room to grow.

Before repotting, take a personal inventory. Think about your gifts, talents, and satisfactions. Peter talks about young people who make the mistake of being driven by their craving for a luxury car, or a status lifestyle. They graduate, choosing whichever direction gives them the most money, the fastest. Taking this direction strictly for material gain will ultimately end in dissatisfaction. The lifestyle grabs and owns them. They hang on for dear life, heading down the wrong road at breakneck speed.     (more…)