Weekly Thought – August 9, 2022

Fred did scattershot thinking. Interviewers struggled to keep him going down just one track. One thought bounced around and bounced off others. Before the interviewer could land one idea, another direction took over. But those who understand his pattern thoroughly benefited from these conversations. Harold Myra, retired CEO of the Christianity Today International companies uniquely captured his rhythm and knew how to play the game. Together they produced great content, and formed a lasting friendship. This week’s email is “a rabbit trail” from an interview.

Careful Confrontation

Confrontation is an explosive topic, especially within the Christian community. We prefer to talk about tolerance, love, mercy, grace, and other “spiritual” responses. But we fail to accept that Christ confronted.

However, He went to the source of the problem. He didn’t need the rich young ruler to give Him his money. He simply wanted to confront the financial idolatry present in his life. He certainly didn’t expect the Pharisees in the temple to stop their work – he wanted them to leave their self-righteousness behind.

So, in confrontation, you always want to try to go for the essence of the problem. Adler gave me a concept which has been extremely helpful. He wrote that every man is logical if you understand the base from which he operates. I try to create scenarios from which everything the person does makes sense. When I can do this, I believe I understand the problem. But until I can get to the place of understanding the logic, I still don’t understand the base from which the person is operating.

Many times I talk with parents who are totally frustrated with their children (especially grown ones). “I cannot understand what he/she is thinking. How in the world could they make that decision?” When we step back and come up with an understanding of the premise from which the child is operating, then the decision and the behavior makes sense. It doesn’t drive the parent any less crazy, but it is a step forward.

Sometimes confrontation takes real hard thinking. You have to develop an intuition for problems. And always leave room in your own thinking for the real possibility you may be wrong. That is a fundamental reason I offer options, not advice.

The proper attitude toward confrontation is key. It is not an opportunity to embarrass, play the power card, or let off steam. Evaluating myself first is a primary check-off. What am I trying to accomplish? How will this affect the individual, the organization?

Mature confrontation is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

This week think about: 1) How comfortable am I with confrontation? 2) Should confrontation differ according to the environment? 3) What are ways I back away from confrontation?

Words of Wisdom: “When you understand the base from which a person operates, their behavior is logical.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I thought, ‘Certainly you will respect me! Now you will accept correction!’ (Zephaniah 3: 7(a) NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 26, 2022

Fred respected talent. He identified passion and vision as two common elements of high achievers. During his life he enjoyed conversations exploring facets of leadership. His ability to recognize principles and catalog them for the benefit of many was part of his giftedness.

Is My Passion Focused?

Every effective leader is imbued with passion. An accomplishment is often to direct proportion to the amount and intensity of the leader’s passion. It is contagious; it gives hope; it sustains in difficult times.

I like this definition: “Passion is concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.” My good friend, theologian Dr Ramesh Richard, said: “First in life, decide on your passion. What is your first love? If you have multiple passions, you’ll be ripped to pieces internally, resulting in a fragmented, random life. If anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is your first love, you will fall into idolatry.” This international proclaimer and professor verbalizes it this way: “to make God look good and Christ well known.” In this he demonstrates his first love, his central passion. Christ is to be to focus – ensuring integrity of leadership.

The advantages of passion are many. It brings purpose, unity, intensity, and concentration. It leads to accomplishment. It gives intentionality to life. Passion gives depth, keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity. With passion our life becomes a welder’s torch, rather than a grass fire.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn had an undying passion for truth and principle; Mother Teresa, a passion for the dying; Moody, Spurgeon and Graham – a passion for souls. I think about Edison’s persevering passion; and Churchills indomitable passion of will that gave the British their war stamina.

Those with exceptional passion receive it as a gift for they were created with this extraordinary capacity. They can unite the mind, heart, and spirit. They have the ability to lose themselves in a cause, dedicating their life to a single purpose. I think often of the Apostle Paul’s words: “This one thing I do.” He again spoke of his focus “I determine not to know anything but Jesus Christ and Him crucified.”

In leadership, focused passion accomplishes much more than merely considering an intellectual, scholarly approach.

This week carefully think about: 1) How clear am I about my passion? 2) Where is the intersection of my gifts, skills, purpose, and opportunities? 3) When do I vividly see the direction for my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Passion gives depth, keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But we passionately want each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of your hope until the end.”(Hebrews 6:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 12, 2022

Fred often wore the “heavy hat” as he sat on boards. His ability to see truth and then follow through with appropriate action were foundational to his ethical standards. Proper confrontation was clear to him and seen as a leader’s responsibility.

A Case for Confrontation

In the matter of confrontation, I probably am called on more than anybody else I know. People in business, ministry, even family situations get around their own involvement by saying “Smith enjoys conflict.” NO, I don’t enjoy it at all. But I will confront if it is productive. But let’s be clear: confrontation is only called for when the goal is productivity.

A recent situation is a good example. An individual has failed to face a problem. It got very serious, and very expensive so they came to me. When I said to the leader in charge he dodged the problem, finally saying, “I can’t, would you?” He has a distinct failing in this area. He often refuses to confront until he gets mad, then becomes abusive. That is not productive confrontation. I stepped in, not because I like or enjoy it. I took action because I believed it was the right thing to be done, and whatever is right should be done.

The Christian community has done a very poor job with confrontation. I am convinced the level of individual accomplishment in Christian organizations is notoriously lower (as a whole) than it should be because unlike business, the leaders confuse the presence of love means the absence of confrontation.

This often cowardly policy shows a lack of maturity. Waiting until you are mad, at the point of embarrassment by the behavior, or pushed into a corner creates an unhealthy environment.

A man asked me to talk to one of his friends. I agreed and met him for breakfast. As we talked I found out he had just done some extremely foolish things. So, I gave him a verbal kick in the pants. Afterwards, I called my friend to tell him about the meeting. I said, “I’m sorry, but the friend you sent to me probably didn’t particularly like or appreciate what I did, but I kicked him in the pants.” He responded, “Fred, I am really glad you did that. I would have, but I didn’t want to lose the friendship.”

I believe he has the concept completely wrong. I think his friendship (if it is truly a friendship) was the basis for the appropriate confrontation. Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.

A quick family word: Mary Alice and I decided when the children came along we were going to be their parents, not their buddies, pals, or friends. This flew in the face of the social culture of the 50s and 60s. We weren’t always the favorite parents, but we knew it was our responsibility to lovingly and productively confront at times. We have three fine adult children who now follow that pattern with their own families.

This week think about: 1) How “risk averse” am I to confront? 2) What helps me understand confrontation must be productive, not reactive? 3) When am I called on to be “the heavy?”

Words of Wisdom: “Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Against you—you above all—I have sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. So you are just when you confront me; you are right when you condemn me.” (Psalm 51:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 21,2022

Fred looked at life’s patterns. His remarkable understanding of principles allowed him to analyze and categorize life seasons. One which is recognized as helpful by many is the description of valleys and plateaus.

Celebrate the Highs and Lows

Sound development requires a program providing plateaus where our information is turned into knowledge through experience, then heading to another climb. The healthy individual uses the plateau(or valley)for assimilation before starting out again. Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.
The danger is not accepting the plateau as normal and becoming hooked on reaching the peak where we try to stay too long or even artificially filling up the valley with drugs, alcohol, or busyness.

Each of us must respect the principle that the food we grow in the valley (on the plateau) we eat on the mountain top (the climb). If we were to graph personal development the line would not go straight up. Our bodies and minds are designed for ups and downs.

Maturity and age are not synonymous. I am convinced the concept of plateaus and climbs is an accurate measure of development. Those who live believing the “best is yet to be” tend to understand the value of the valleys, learning as much as possible in preparation for the next climb. When we start circling round and round aimlessly without assimilating and certainly without attaining the climb, we are aging.

The purposefulness of the method is critical to grasp. The cycle has a rhythm which cannot be violated. Young “world beaters” often call me wanting to discuss their futures. Quickly I can ascertain if they have a hold on the principle of climbing, then plateauing to assimilate, then climbing again. Those who see the valleys as the abode of the losers don’t get a second appointment. I know they will burn out without making the contribution of those who practice alternating climbing and plateauting.

As we apply this principle we can identify progress is not equally distributed. Think of the various divisions of life: career, family, social life, financial and physical health – all are vital elements of life. Each requires its own charting of the plateaus and the climbs. Each must have its own development plan acknowledging all may (and probably will) have differing time lines for growth and maturity.

This week think about: 1) How well do I manage this principle? 2) What helps me to be most productive in the valleys? 3) Which area of life experiences the most dramatic highs and lows?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 14, 2022

Fred when asked by his son “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be the topic?” He answered, “the nature of God and the nature of man.” Understanding both were fundamental to his thinking about how the world worked. Managing emotions was a lifelong study for Fred.

Wait To Worry

Worry is the nagging headache of the soul. I as once a fulltime worrier, but I relinquished my membership in the club somewhere in the 1940s as I looked at my goals and whatever obstacles hindered me. Resigning from this club is hard to do for once you join getting out is difficult. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

Now I wasn’t a part-time worrier – I was no amateur. I couldn’t call it quits at night because that would be downright disrespect for my status as a professional worrier. Instead, I sat up with a pot of coffee – rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t just lie there tossing and turning – I would lie there and perk!

I decided to stop worrying. After years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry. Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull – WAIT TO WORRY. Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had all the facts. If I didn’t then I told myself “wait to worry.” Gradually a habit formed and after two or three years worrying was conquered.

However, in the process I found some interesting things about worry. For example, I saw a survey that showed 40% of what people worry about things that have passed; 30% never will happen; 22% when it happens will be so minor it won’t be worth worrying about; and only 8% will be real. That meant I was 92% wrong in my worrying. I wanted to do better than that.

Another thing I discovered was what we worry about today we will probably laugh about tomorrow. Listen to people at a class reunion laugh about things that weren’t funny at all at the time they originally happened, but they are now. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about tomorrow?” Those children are now parents and I hear them repeating those words to their kids.

This week think about: 1) What keeps me up at night? 2) How am I overcoming the worry habit? 3) Who models emotional maturity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 31, 2022

Fred illustrated his principles in ways his audiences could apply. Although he understood advanced theoretical content, he believed his giftedness included communicating ideas in transferable ways. He thought of ideas as pans which needed handles to pass from one person to another in the kitchen. He wanted to make sure he provided accessible handles.

Emotional Energy

We all come with a portfolio of emotions. Learning to manage them profitably is our job. Emotional situations produce energy. The better we manage and control and response to them, the better able we are to successfully utilize the energy.

Often the rigid person is blown apart by the very emotions that could have produced positive energy. I think about the way cars are designed. They are propelled by a series of controlled explosions – each separately timed and contained by elements in the design. Our emotional energy flows through us. Although we can’t perfectly time them, we can exercise control through planning, and discipline. I see this as one of man’s challenges.

On the other hand, the flexible person learns and employs the principle: “Don’t panic.” This comes with constant mental discipline, even in the smallest situations. I found it took a decision against panic always, no matter what. I practice to stay cool in the everyday happenings knowing this will build a habit that will keep me flexible when serious situations arise.

If you freeze in the little events, you will most likely lock up when the really difficult ones come.

Let me share a personal example: I have visualized and “lived through” each and every crisis I can imagine so that if any occurs, I will have practiced my response and prepared. I have friends who criticize this method saying I don’t have God’s grace until the situation arises, but I am not “borrowing trouble,” I am just thinking through situations (whether business or family) and formulating an action plan. I am disciplining myself mentally and spiritually.

My word of counsel on disciplining emotions is PRACTICE. Make emotional energy work for you. I find driving freeways and raising children provide adequate opportunities to work on flexibility and jettison rigidity.

This week consider: 1) How flexible am I emotionally? 2) What sets me off and how can I manage my response? 3) When do I handle emotional situations well?

Words of Wisdom: “If you freeze in the little situations, you will most probably lock up when the really difficult ones come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.” (Proverbs 29:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 24, 2022

Fred thought and taught much about stress. He addressed business audiences, as well as ministry groups. Although they had different missions, he pointed out the similarities in their need for managing stress.

Building Internal Strength

I was asked to speak to 25 leading Southern Baptist pastors who showed great interest in knowing what laymen were thinking about handling stress. I told them that business people learn to balance the exterior circumstances with the internal condition. When external circumstances build up pressure and become threatening, attention must be turned to strengthening our internal condition or we will become like the doctor who gets so involved during an epidemic curing the sick he neglects his own health and dies from the very same disease.

A submarine must have the interior pressurized as it submerges or the outside water pressure will crush it. As long as the exterior and interior pressures are balanced there will be zero stress. Another example is the potter who learns the great skill of matching the pressure of the inside hand against the outside hand. Too much pressure from the inside and the clay bulges; too much from the outside and it caves in.

Too often the exterior gets so consuming we pray for the external pressure to be decreased rather than asking for the interior to be strengthened. An old saint prayed not that the burden would be lighter, but that he might become stronger.
One of my favorite examples is Tommy Armour, the “Silver Scot” of golf game. When other pros were talking about weakening the right hand to keep from hooking he said, “NO, strengthen the left hand and then whup the heck out of it with the right.” He was the initiator of the long ball.

Balancing the exterior and interior came home to me recently. I was scheduled to teach the Elliott class and chose this very subject because I was thinking a lot about it. On Saturday morning I went out to the garage to get in the car and head out for a busy day. I could see there was a white substance and oil on the garage window. When I opened the door I realized we had been vandalized. Someone threw a gallon of white paint and two gallons of used crankcase oil on the door. Such an experience does have a way of altering your agenda! Fairly quickly I thought, “Tomorrow I am going to talk about strengthening our internal condition to offset our external stresses. Now I have a great illustration.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How well do I keep the interior and exterior in balance? 2) What stressors are most troublesome right now? 3) Where do I find the greatest balance?

Words of Wisdom: “When external circumstances build up pressure and becomes threatening then we have to turn our attention to strengthening our internal condition.”

Wisdom from the Word: “My hand will support him, and my arm will strengthen him.” (Psalm 89:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 3, 2022

Fred recognized the need for a clear understanding of compassion. His reputation for clear thinking also acknowledged his proper use of healthy emotions. Ordinarily we excerpt writings on leadership, personal development, and business. These words on compassion will spur thought and conversation.

What is Compassion?

Compassion must be earned or else it becomes a substitute for grace, which it is not. To be compassionate toward immorality is to justify the immoral in all of us. Psychiatrists and psychologists who their goal of achieving a sense of being normal moves us away from the true goal of understanding redemption. It is critical for us to comprehend justification through sacrifice and grace. When we are told we are bigoted if we do not have compassion who do not deserve it results in intellectual dishonesty.

Unbridled compassion lets us accept the villain as long as he is personable, and so long as we are not his victim. The mobster Mickey Cohen was once asked by a youngster for his autograph. He inscribed it: “To Billy from a lonely old man.” He didn’t mention the fact that he deserved to be lonely and hardly deserved to be old.

We must not refuse to see there is a difference between a compassionate and a discerning heart.

Compassion is the realization of the havoc sin can bring, but not the excusing of the sinner. When we use our own sin to excuse every other sinner, then we are not bringing redemption at all. This is why it is so vital to accept forgiveness because it teaches us to grasp grace rather than sympathy.

In a very subtle way, sympathy becomes a revolt against authority, particularly scriptural authority. Oswald Chambers powerfully warns us about sympathizing with someone with whom God is dealing. He tells us to not get between God and that person. When we try to solve the problem, ease the pain, or make life better it makes God look unkind. We take sides against God.

The true function of compassion is to motivate us to lead the person to the source of healing – to God. I have been regarded as hard-hearted when I refused to bail someone out of a financial pit created by unwise decisions. What if I had short-circuited the lessons he was to learn? Generosity and compassion should be guided and instructed by wisdom and discernment.

This week think about: 1) How clear am I about the proper use of compassion? 2) When is it easier to be compassionate rather than dealing with the root causes and asking hard questions? 3) What do I need to do to deepen my understanding of Godly compassion?

Words of Wisdom: “Generosity and compassion should be guided and instructed by wisdom and discernment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, if you call out for discernment – shout loudly for understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought -April 26, 2022

Fred managed the aging process masterfully. He followed his own principle of growing older, but never old. He prepared well for the last years through planning and mental discipline. Even in his years of restriction he said, “I am not disabled; I am delightfully dependent.”

Growing Older

Joy is like the wine which Christ made from the contents of the water jugs – the best was saved for last.

Normally, people think the exuberance of youth creates the best years of life. They believe the poorer wine is reserved for old age, so they substitute the memories of youth for current experiences. Too many people are eating the crumbs of former feasts. They take the scraps from a years old big dinner, reheat them, and accept that as satisfactory.

The Christian life should reverse that philosophy. God works on an ascension scale – he moves us as He transforms us; He changes and enhances our spirit even as our body deteriorates. If we follow Christ we are moving from earth to heaven; from temporal to eternal. In our Christian life “the best is yet to be.”

Our prayer of thanksgiving as we age should be, “Thank you that thou has kept to best until now.” Finishing well is summed up by hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joys of thy Lord.”

The Christian life has responsibilities and duties. Being profitable to the Master is our job description. At the end of this work is the participation in His joy. This should be the normal pattern for Christian living, not the exception. God wants us to be productive – it is part of the relationship we have with Him. We can use it as a measure of our life experiences.

At my age my friends are tempted to reheat and rehash stories of youthful successes. It is challenging to cancel our membership in the “usta club.” It is tiring to sit with formerly active, eager people and hear them endlessly retell tales of what they “usta do.” God’s plan is forward gear, accomplishing to the last day. He saves the best wine for the last – we must drink it with joy.

This week carefully consider: 1) How much joy am I displaying? 2) What are my future plans? 3) When do I feel God’s pleasure as I strive for “well done?”

Words of Wisdom: “They take the scrap from a years old big dinner, reheat them, and accept that as satisfactory.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He died at a good old age, having enjoyed long life, wealth, and honor. “ (1 Chronicles 29:28a NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 5, 2022

Fred clearly differentiated between strengths and weaknesses. Contrary to some, he disagreed with the effort to overcome weaknesses. “Develop your strengths and buttress your weaknesses” was his philosophy. He observed insecurities as facts of life, not weaknesses. His thinking is most helpful.

Insecurity and Growth

All of us have our areas of insecurity… not just a passing anxiety, but the continuing lack of adequacy. Even when we sleep it haunts us in our dreams.

Actually, as we become more secure, we are better able to recognize and accept our remaining insecurities. For example, even the most emotionally secure might still have stage fright so badly they refuse to face an audience or some new experience. I have found some extremely extroverted before a camera or from the platform can become insecure off the stage. I have known “bigger than life” personalities who were afraid to be alone.

While we can borrow a small amount of security from others, we cannot depend on others for complete security. One of the most difficult and contentious marriages I know is between a tragically insecure woman and an outrageously secure man. She thought his security would become hers by osmosis, but of course, this did not happen. Rather than admire and benefit from his security she began to harbor resentment and stayed irritated. His equilibrium was a constant reminder and reflection of her imbalance.

Permanent security must be grown from within. This is part of the pain of growth. It takes a great deal of determination and discipline. Fortunately, it is not a disease of the will, so the will can become an ally and stepping stone on the path to security. I would also add that nearly as important is will power is a sense of humor. In my life I was raised in the mill district of a large Southern town, son of a Baptist preacher. I had no exposure to social graces or cultural experiences, so as I was offered opportunities beyond my background I ran head long into “social gaps.” We were grateful to have one fork beside our plate so you can imagine my chagrin staring at an elegant table with china, crystal, linen, and MANY forks! An inner sense of humor is extremely useful in relieving the pressures of embarrassment. The confidence comes, but it helps to laugh at the gaffes along the way!

Insecurities are a part of the human condition. We mature, fill in holes and grow, but it is a process that takes time, hard work – and often a good laugh.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do I consider insecurities? 2) When I look back, how much growth do I see? 3) How well am I able to laugh at (and with) myself?

Words of Wisdom: “The confidence comes, but it helps to laugh at the gaffes along the way!”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will lie down and sleep peacefully, for you, Lord, make me safe and secure.” (Psalm 4:8 NET Bible)