Permitting Success

Weekly Thought – September 10, 2019

Fred fielded the question “how do you define success” often. He surprised many when he did not limit it to financial accumulation. He challenged the questioner to look at the full range. And he pushed them to expand their own expectations. One of his favorite definitions: “The measurement of success is simply the ratio of talents used to talents received.”

Please pray for our Christian colleges and universities. In these opening days of the new semester many are welcoming new Presidents, new students, and new campus themes. They need our prayers. If you would like to pray monthly for them sign up for the Prayer Network email which leads in prayer requests and a Biblical exhortation.

Permitting Success

Giving permission to others to succeed is more than encouragement. I believe only a person in authority can give convincing permission. Encouragement can come from a wide group of sources; permission to succeed comes from an authority figure – parent, boss, pastor, mentor, for example. Such permission dispels doubt and gives assurance.

Many years ago I spoke at Baylor University and met a young woman with unusual character and ability. Toward the end of my stay I told her, “I believe you can do almost anything you want to do.” She became a missionary.

Thirty years later she called me. “I’m back in the States,” she said, “and I want you to know when the going really got rough in Japan, I would say to myself, “I know there’s a fat businessman back in the States who believes in me.” She continued, “that sustained me many times – just hearing your belief.”

All I had said was one simple sentence. The difference is that it was more than encouragement because she saw me as a business leader, an authority figure. She accepted my words as permission to succeed.

Experiences like this have taught me it’s not only a leader’s privilege, but also a responsibility, to give others permission to succeed. According to experts, a manager’s number one responsibility is to establish a vision for the organization. One of the ways you establish the vision is to give people a belief in what they can do.

What is the alternative? If you don’t give people permission to succeed you draw artificial boundaries for them. In effect you are saying, “I am building a fence around your abilities – and you cannot go farther than these limits.” PBS recently featured a documentary on children who grow up in negative environments with constant verbal abuse. Most of them grow up to live mediocre, even criminal, lives.

As a leader it is my great opportunity to say, “You have permission to succeed, provided you succeed correctly, by using the right principles in the right way in the right time.” Recognizing talents and gifts in people before they do is one of the great thrills of leadership. Giving them permission to develop them is the responsibility of leadership.

After a focus week on a Christian campus, a student came up to me. In a quiet voice she said, “You spoke life to me. Thank you.” I may never know the direction of her life, but I am grateful for the privilege of lighting a spark.
Give others the permission to succeed. You never know when you may be unlocking the door.

This week think about: 1) Who gave me permission to succeed? 2) How can I lead with this mindset? 3) What will it take to make this part of my organization’s culture?

Words of Wisdom: “The measurement of success is the ratio of talents used to talents received.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Saul replied to David, ‘May you be rewarded, my son David! You will without question be successful!’ So David went on his way, and Saul returned to his place.” (1 Samuel 26:25 NET Bible)

Little Good, Big Good

Weekly Thought – September 3, 2019

Fred liked to say “service is the rent we pay on the space we occupy in life.” How he lived this out! A cynical physician recently wrote that after 75 life just deteriorates and we take more from society than we give. He never knew Fred! He gave back right up to the last breath.

The repairs on breakfastwithfred.com are progressing well. Also, updates on bwfli.com are in the works. The sites had grown “old and cranky,” so this needed work is being done. Thank you to our financial supporters who make this possible. Your contributions make the wisdom of Fred Smith, Sr. available online. Thank you. Check out the Facebook page: Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute.

Little Good, Big Good

Dick Halverson served as the Chaplain of the Senate for 14 years. Three or four of his friends spent a weekend at his farm engaged in conversation. As we sat around, talking, one of my favorite descriptions of Christ came to mind: “He went about doing good.” That was so much the way Dick chose to live.

I find it interesting to see how Christ lived his life. No rushing around, no to-do list, no trying to make it to the next “significant encounter,” no prioritizing – just going about doing good. He stopped as he traveled to the home of Jairus, responding to the tug on his robe by a woman with a serious female problem. He paused, touched her, and then continued on His way.

Can you think of a better obituary than “He (or she) went about doing good – and doing good just where he (she) was? It isn’t about creating a platform for doing good, but recognizing that just where you are is your opportunity.

Sadly, I watch Christian celebrities who strive for the “big good.” They want the visibility, the prestige, and the limelight. Many times these people move from organization to organization moving up the Christian “doing good ladder.” On the other hand, I see Christians who feel they aren’t productive because they are doing “little good.” How wrong they are!

Those that plant seeds and “bloom where they are planted,” as the cliché goes, may be operating in the power of the Spirit way more than the celebrities who run to the bright lights. In another outstanding conversation time I sat with a group of Christian leaders, including Stephen Olford. After a stimulating discussion on leadership he quietly asked, “I have had my share of celebrity. I have been recognized.as one who faithfully teaches the Word. But when I die if my family can’t say they saw God in me, then I have failed.”

The little opportunities to do good day by day, wherever we are, should be our agenda, not rushing from meeting to meeting gaining recognition. Don’t misunderstand me – I certainly see the good in public ministry… just not the “be all,” and the sole reason for service.

It is about recognizing who we are, what our gifts are, and where God has planted us – then making service a priority.

This week think about: 1) How focused am I on what is right in front of me? 2) Who models blooming where they are planted in my life? 3) What can I do this week to strengthen my “going about doing good?”

Words of Wisdom: “Service is the rent we pay on the space we occupy in life.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Get dressed for service and keep your lamps burning.” (Luke 12:35 NET Bible)

Defining Production

Weekly Thought – August 27, 2019

Fred studied for a lifetime. Although he was unable to attend college, lacking the necessary funding, he embodied “life long learner.” He and Mary Alice believed in higher education providing a way for their three children to each have undergraduate and graduate degrees. He committed himself to getting older, but never old. His mind stayed sharp until the closing hours as his body shut down. Ever the student, he concentrated on human relations, even his own family.

BWFLI is in the final planning stages for the What’s Next Roundtable at Palm Beach University in November. Please keep the team in your prayers. We see more than ever the importance of building into the lives of our Christian colleges and universities. Your financial support is greatly appreciated.

Defining Production

As a business executive I focus heavily on production. When I was young and growing in the corporation I learned about manufacturing. Later in life when I started the food packaging brokerage I employed many of the principles learned at an early age in shoe and apparel plants.

For most of my business life I have clearly understood “results are the only excuse for activity.” Accomplishment and productivity are my yardstick.

At 60 I experienced a tremendous shift in my thinking. I began learning how to define productivity in the family. That sounds strange, doesn’t it?

Our son pointed out to me my philosophy of management worked well in the office, but not so well at home. “You run the family like you run the business. You are the President and CEO. Mom serves as Vice President (with a direct line of report to you) and each of the kids has a job description.”

It never occurred to me that the family didn’t run that way. Business consultants talk about “metrics and measurements.” I completely understood that. What I totally missed and misunderstood was the outcome desired for the family. I realized my learning about this was just beginning.

Providing, spiritually leading, creating a stimulating environment – all these were in “my wheelhouse,” as the young ones say. I failed to stop and properly evaluate the genuine outcome.

After several years of arduous study and yes, struggle, I came to this conclusion: the production of the family is relationship. I am doing my best to change, but it is very difficult. All of your reflexes, all your habits, all your thought patters, all your experiences have been under a different system and its almost like a spiritual conversion. You have to become a new person.

I felt very vulnerable during this process. I encountered new experiences, made new decisions – all without the years I had with the old “run it like a business model.” I took the “by appointment only” attitude and replaced it with a desire to be part of the family. I have to admit I have yet to come to the point of sitting down and watching TV, but I no longer cluck my tongue as I pass through the room on the way to my study to do “serious work.”

Interestingly, our grandchildren were the first to notice – and benefit. They recognized I valued being with them, not just instructing, or leading from the top of the org chart.

I haven’t given up the burning desire for productivity, but I have redefined it. Relationship is now the desired outcome.

This week think about: 1) How do I measure success in the family? 2) What does accomplishment and productivity look like to me? 3) What can I begin learning right now?

Words of Wisdom: “Relationship is the production of a home.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works.” (Hebrews 10:24 NET Bible)

He Stretched Others

Weekly Thought – August 20, 2019

Fred closed his earthly chapters on August 17, 2007 at 9:15am in Dallas, TX. His daughters stood by his bed watching the heart monitor show the declining rate. At the last moment physical life ended but his spiritual life continued on. The thought this week is a retelling of Fred’s own story of his life theme. Our prayer at BWF is for your hearts and minds to be strengthened and stretched.

He Stretched Others

I was once asked at age 69 what was next for me. “What direction do you want to take as you head into your 70s?” “What new things do you want to do with your life?” The interviewer challenged me to set out my goals for the next 10 years. I don’t think she expected my response.

“My direction is the one that has fueled me since my late twenties.”

I grew up in the mill district of North Nashville. The advantages of social position, money, and upward movement weren’t mine. But I knew instinctively I had a purpose. I analyzed my gifts; I studied my motivations; and I went to a cemetery. Yes, I went to a cemetery, sat on a tombstone, and considered what I wanted on my headstone. As I sat there I said, “One day I will be under the stone and this is what I want marking my life.”

Strongly influenced by the power of brevity by Western Union telegrams I settled on three words: “He Stretched Others.”
Those three words became the aim in my life. That is why I mentor, teach, talk, and write. It is sheer joy to see someone stretched, even if it makes them a bit uncomfortable. When I see someone with talent who is way too comfortable, I do my best to unsettle them. I probe, prod, and often put a burr under their saddle.

But I never do this if they do not have the capability to stretch. I never challenge a man with one leg to become a long-distance runner. I am careful in my coaching to not talk to people about things which they clearly cannot do. That is unkind.

But almost all of us can stretch way beyond where we are. We settle for so little when so much is possible. I express my belief in them and then they believe.

So, my goals for the next ten years (or however much time God gives me), I will continue in my desire to stretch others. I think God intended me to do this. This is my sweet spot.

(Editor’s note: Fred is buried at Restland Cemetery in Dallas, TX under a headstone with three words: He Stretched Others next to Mary Alice.)

This week think about: 1) What do I want for my epitaph? 2) What do I think God intended me to do? 3) How can I encourage growth in others?

Words of Wisdom: “We settle for so little when so much is possible.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have had great joy and encouragement because of your love, for the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” (Philemon 1:7 NET Bible)

Executive Concepts

Weekly Thought – August 13, 2019

Fred identified key leadership principles early in his career, but he didn’t stop to write about them until the mid-80s. Having his thoughts captured through articles, notes, and speeches creates an on-going legacy for all of us.

Please pray for the fall BWFLI schedule and those who will be going to Palm Beach Atlantic University for the What’s Next Roundtable. Your financial support is certainly appreciated to underwrite these efforts as the Christian colleges and universities are charged no fees, nor do the team members receive honoraria.

Executive Concepts

I use this as a working definition: “an executive is not a person who can do the work better than the employees; he or she is a person who can get the team to get the work done better than he/she can.” My responsibility is to be a super-visor, not a super-worker. Times of physical inactivity can provide space for strategic thinking. My system requires competence around me. It demands a finely tuned method of selection, development, and motivation.

It is built on the foundation of decisiveness. Not quick draw reactions, but well-trained and disciplined decisions.
Recently, I looked at an organization with problems. I asked the board, “Is our lead horse strong enough to pull the wagon?”

“No,” was their answer.

“Okay, where is the one we need?” That prompted a search, hire, and move forward. I could have approached it differently by saying, “This man we have is sincere. With enough help, he just might make it.” What would be the probable result? Five years pulling with him and then finding out he just couldn’t do the job. A tremendous amount of time and effort would have been wasted, paralyzing the organization. The earlier the make a decision about a failure and cut your losses, the less actual loss.

I once asked a banker, “What do you consider when you make a loan?”

“I always think, never delay a failure with my money.”

People spend endless energy delaying failures. In truth, we see change as catastrophic when it is very often the very door we need. I sent one of our daughters a quote I saw when she was in the midst of change: “I refused to change until it became too painful to stay where I was.” Sometimes growth is forced upon us.

Insurance company executive Roger Hull liked to talk about people who succeed after failing… even seeing the failure as the foundation for success. If you are the head of something and you don’t make it go, that’s your responsibility. If you are not making it, you ought to make a change. If you haven’t got the guts to make the change yourself, then somebody ought to make it for you.

People who wait around trying to find the pleasant, comfortable moment to make difficult decisions are simply kidding themselves. When you know a situation is going wrong, then do something to alleviate it. The answer to most problems is the right people in the right places. (Editor’s note: this was written in the 1980s before the concept became common place.)

This week think about: 1) Where have I grown by making a change, even if painful? 2) How can I help someone else stop delaying failure? 3) When do I slip into super-worker versus super-visor?

Words of Wisdom: “Sometimes growth is forced upon us.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For a child has been born to us, a son has been given to us. He shoulders responsibility and is called: Extraordinary Strategist, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6 NET Bible)

Unpacking Leadership

Weekly Thought – August 6, 2019

Fred committed much mental and physical energy thinking about Christianity Today, International (CTI). His friendship with Billy Graham began long before the inception of the magazine and his relationship to the work of CTI was on his mind until his death in 2007. Paul Robbins and Harold Myra were great partners in their mutual exhilaration process. They capably activated the “fire hose” of Fred’s thinking. This week’s content is extracted from an interview with Paul. Even though it is nearly 30 years old, the thoughts are contemporary.

www.breakfastwithfred is a senior citizen in the world of digital content. This summer needed repairs were made. Upgrades are currently underway to bwfli.com. Houses, cars, and websites all need maintenance, don’t they? Thanks for your prayerful encouragement. We are grateful for your standing with us throughout these years. It is joyful to serve you while expanding the reach of Fred’s work.

Unpacking Leadership

Paul Robbins (PR), Harold Myra (HM): Fred, you have achieved a great deal in your life. How did you find the time?

Fred: Those of us who divide our efforts, particularly in the more visible activities, may appear to do more, but I doubt it. Frankly, I thought you might ask me why I have done so little, considering Wesley, Napoleon, Churchill, and others who have done so much with their 24 hours. I keep thinking how much Wesley did in such a relatively short life span. I am not being facetious or humble. My rule is to “think use, not amount.” Blaming lack of time can become an escape mechanism.

PR, HM: You always appear so relaxed, even casual, yet there is below the surface a lurking intensity. Does this intensity have a special meaning for you?

Fred: Yes, I guess it does, for it is one of my touchpoints, like a channel marker to a ship captain. Intensity is the boiling point of effort, the concentration of energy, the tip of the welding flame. Most accomplishers have a special ability to develop intensity at the right time over the right issue. Most pros have the ability to maintain a relaxed pose, then snap into action at the right moment. Only amateurs keep jumping up and down all the time like college cheerleaders. Many hardworking people fail to accomplish because the lack intensity at the critical points. Good leaders study situations, identify the critical elements and put additional resources at those points. Occasionally I do a check-up on my intensity level. If I am flat and intense about little, I know I need an adjustment. The people around me and the projects are important to maintaining intensity in good working order. I need people who correctly evaluate and turn up the intensity. Those who can’t can foul up the play or severely limit the options.

PR, HM: What are shorthand clues to your style?

Fred: I try to decide 1) what I’m trying to do, 2) what it takes to do it, and 3) who can I get to do it better than I can. I find summary thoughts helpful to keeping me conscious of goals like: “Results are the only reason for activity.” So many good-intentioned people will spend their time (and try to take mine) telling about the details of the work they are doing. I short-cut this by looking them in the eye and simply saying, “Don’t tell me about the labor pains – show me the baby!”

This week think about: 1) What are some of my key markers for leadership? 2) How apt am I to get bogged down in labor pains? 3) Where is my source of intensity?

Words of Wisdom: “Blaming lack of time can be an escape mechanism.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Trust in him at all times, you people! Pour out your hearts before him! God is our shelter!” (Psalm 62:8 NET Bible)

The Puritans and Ethics

Weekly Thought – July 30, 2019

Fred highly regarded the work ethic. He “took a dim view” (as he liked to say) of the wish ethic. As a teenager he met an evangelist who preached in his pastor father’s pulpit for a revival. After getting to know him, the man gave Fred a paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16 which became a life verse. “Take the gift that God has given you, AND USE IT, and you will stand before great men.”

When our BWFLI team members receive messages from students about ways they are using what they gained in conversations, they feel like they are using the gifts God has given them. We are grateful for all who stand with us year by year. Men and women are being touched by the wisdom and care of team members who want to leave students with “words to live by.”

The Puritans and Ethics

The Puritans felt it was our duty to be responsible citizens. I speak at a great many Chamber of Commerce meetings throughout the country and often hear them praise the free enterprise system. As worthy as our economic philosophy is, it is not the only reason for success. Our sense of personal responsibility aligned with our political freedom created our standard of living. This came out of our Puritan tradition. Freedom is the environment in which responsibility flourishes. The American experience is the first time the two came together. I think we should call it “responsible enterprise.”

The Puritans also believed that every man had a gift and was to contribute to the common good – they referred to this as their “calling.” We have relegated this word to the clergy. I am convinced the revival of the concept of general calling would be helpful.

Another critical tenet of Puritan thought was that every man was responsible to God for his actions and one day would stand before Him and give account. I have thought a great deal about the problems we are facing in our society. I don’t think more laws, even more law enforcement, or bigger jails would be as effective as a return to God-consciousness. In America we have largely lost the individual’s responsibility before God. We have lost the impact of believing in the afterlife and accountability.

It is neurotic to think of nothing but heaven, but it is naïve to totally avoid thinking about it.

I am amazed how often I will do things as if God did not exist. We may still be theist in word, but are atheist in action. I see people doing things they would no more do, nor even consider, if they believed in the eventual and inevitable judgment of God. We are teaching our young people to believe in the “you only go around once” and “grab the gusto” philosophies. Tragic.

Under the Puritan ethic the Bible was the moral dictionary. It wasn’t a matter of whether or not you had a “Christian experience,” but rather it was the Christian tradition to accept the Bible as the moral standard. It is difficult for people using different definitions and standards to talk well together and make effective moral decisions.

Personally, I am convinced that the watershed of all human thinking is the perfectibility of man. It is the fulcrum on which the conservative/liberal thought turns. If man is perfectible, then the liberal are correct in theology, politics, philosophy, and all other areas of human endeavor. If he is not perfectible, then the Puritan position of restraint is correct. If man is his own authority, relativism rules. If we believe man is sinful with the great hope of His redemption responsibility to God and each other reigns.

This week think about: 1) What is my opinion of personal responsibility? 2) How do I demonstrate my philosophical or theological framework in my decision making? 3) Who is a good example of ethical living?

Words of Wisdom: “It is neurotic to think of nothing but heaven, but it is naïve to totally avoid thinking about it.”

Wisdom from the Word: “There is nothing better for people than to eat and drink, and to find enjoyment in their work. I also perceived that this ability to find enjoyment comes from God.” (Ecclesiastes 2:24 NET Bible)

My friend Ray

Weekly Thought – July 23, 2019

Fred cultivated friendships, nurturing them for a lifetime. During one hospitalization the doctors told him his days were short. Rather than mope, he made a list of friends and asked to have each called. For an entire day he told others how much they meant to him, specifically appreciating experiences. Gratitude was a core value of Fred’s, especially for his friends. One friend and mentor was Ray Stedman, theologian, pastor, and author. When someone asked about Dr. Stedman, Fred shared these remembrances.

Please pray for us as we work on the updated edition of You and Your Network. The content continues to reflect the timeless nature of principle-based thinking.

My friend Ray

I know of no one who can interpret the Scriptures quite as clearly as he. Once I asked him if he ever got burned out. Christian periodicals were featuring lead articles on the examples of many preachers and ministry leaders. He responded, “How can I get burned out discovering the mysteries of God?” He never lost his enthusiasm and excitement for Scriptural study. I also remember one of the last times we had time to visit. We were riding to the airport after a men’s meeting. It was Saturday night. “What are you preaching about tomorrow? What are you going to say to the congregation?” Those were my questions to him. His answer was truly Ray: “I’m going to tell them to stop praying for what they’ve already got!” His study was in Ephesians and he wanted them to realize what they possessed as Christians. He wanted them to realize they sometimes pray for something they already have.

“They just need to have a realization of their blessings.”

Once we were talking about what the Scripture meant to us. Ray said, “My life changed when I found out that God was FOR me and NOT AGAINST me.” So often we think of God as judging, not bestowing. This misconception of God causes so much anxiety.

Probably the most unique thing about Ray was his total freedom from ego control. Oswald Chambers talks about going through the white funeral of losing our ego before we go through the black funeral of losing our life. Ray was probably one of the very few men I’ve ever known who has truly been through the white funeral. He didn’t look nor act like the expected preacher image. He didn’t go around speaking in a theological brogue, or take on an affected piety which offended and alienated others.

He was not soft on sin and certainly never preached “cheap grace.” BUT, he preached Jesus who brought words of life. He often engaged in cultural discussions with college students in his Palo Alto area, sometimes without identifying himself. When they saw how interested he was in them and his honest involvement they wanted to know who he was. He then invited them to church, telling them how welcome they would be.

He reminded me one time that Jesus encountered the woman at the well in a way that was beyond acceptance. “Yes, He accepted her, but after she accepted Him, she was never the same again.” That was Ray’s heart – changed lives.

(BWF Note: Ray Stedman’s sermons are archived at www.raystedman.org)

This week consider the following: 1) Who has influenced my thinking about God? 2) How am I engaging others around who God is? 3) What has scripture meant to me?

Words of Wisdom: “My life changed when I found out that God was FOR me and NOT AGAINST me.” (Ray Stedman)

Wisdom from the Word: “What then shall we say about these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31 NET Bible)

Ask Fred

Weekly Thought – July 16, 2019

Fred respected his gifts and worked diligently to nurture them. Principle-based thinking allowed him to apply wisdom to diverse situations. Even until his final days men and women came from great distances to ask him questions. When the website (www.breakfastwithfred.com) began, one element was an Ask Fred column. After hearing the question, he would dictate an answer which appeared on the website.

Bob Tiede develops leaders for Cru, business, and other ministries. His appreciation of key questions is a major part of his lifework. Check out his website: www.leadingwithquestions.com

The time for repair and refreshment arrived this year for both websites. Please pray for wisdom as we make decisions about the direction, the sources, and the content. Thank you. If you can financially support this undertaking, we will gratefully receive all gifts.

Ask Fred

“Fred, how can a man conquer his weaknesses?”

“In the first place, he never will. It is fundamental humanistic thinking that asserts man is perfectible…he is not. In fact, I was very much interested in one of the ancient mystics whom I greatly respect saying God leaves sin in people’s lives so that they might remain humble and it also gives man an opportunity to see God’s work. It also lets us see how flawed we are and how very far we are from perfection. I don’t know how this fits with my Southern Baptist teaching, but the idea intrigues me.

You have to be sure you are clear when you talk about weakness on the difference between human mistake, and sin. A human mistake can usually be corrected with good effort and intention. Sin has to be dealt with through confession and repentance. There must be a turning away through the power of the Holy Spirit. When you say “weakness,” are you thinking human mistake or sin?

One caution: be careful not to call sin a mistake. I believe very much in prayer and asking for the Spirit’s help in the struggle against human frailties which are sin.

Also, I must ask tell you about two questions I ask myself: “What are my constructive strengths and what are my destructive weaknesses?” If what I see as a weakness is not destructive, then I don’t spend much time working on it because I found the energy expended on a minor weakness could be much more effectively applied to my productive strengths. I am convinced the things I do well, I am much more eager to do than focusing on overcoming weaknesses.

I repeat: when you talk about overcoming weaknesses are you talking about skills, or character flaws? Training programs can be designed for one, but the other is strictly dealt with on a spiritual basis. Make sure you understand how you are defining weakness, then handle it appropriately. But if it is not destructive, don’t waste your time trying to improve when true progress is made in the area of your strengths.”

This week think about: 1) How honest am I about defining my destructive weaknesses? 2) What energy am I applying to my constructive strengths? 3) When do I feel tempted to call sin a mistake?

Words of Wisdom: “I believe very much in prayer and asking for the Spirit’s help in the struggle against human frailties which are sin.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous, forgiving us our sins and cleansing us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NET Bible)

Stress for Singles

Weekly Thought – July 9, 2019

Fred and Mary Alice Smith welcomed their son and namesake on July 2nd in an unrevealed year. One of the elder Fred’s life changes was having to add the Sr. to his name because the younger Fred Smith’s reputation was so wide spread. Happy Birthday!

Fred always spoke of his work as “bread on the water.” He thoroughly enjoyed seeing the impact as it flowed back. This year BWFLI has experienced a great bounty of returning bread. The contact with students, faculty, and administration continues to reflect the value of investing into the lives of the next generation. We are grateful to speak life to those who continue to grow in Christ and leadership.

Stress for Singles

The pressures of time, peers, and money impact all of us, but particularly singles. The question always arises: How can I live on the fast track, but not the frantic track?

Mary Alice and I haven’t been single in a long time, since anniversary 66 is coming up. But I get frequent requests to speak to singles groups. When we talk about relationship we usually think of people, but a broader perspective enables us to consider some common pressures. In my time with singles here are three I have observed. The relationship to:

1) Time: Many singles I know fear exclusion. They accept invitations often just to “stay in the loop.” The avoidance of aloneness pushes them to a life filled with activity, but not necessarily productivity. As a young man I made a decision to identify my gifts and focus my time on those elements. If people tried to draw me away from them as primary with their own agendas, I said no. (Of course, as an introvert, I required a great deal of reflection, so staying busy had little appeal.) When I get to know someone I like to tell me how they spent the last week. When I get a sense of their rhythm, time choices, and activities I know much about their priorities. Being single seems to exaggerate the need to master time management. Knowing how best to invest time, not just spend it is a critical skill to develop.

2) Peers: When our firstborn granddaughter was 18 Mary Alice and I took her on a trip. She packed and packed. Before I snapped into executive mode and criticized her I remembered what Jay Kesler (then President of Youth for Christ and then Taylor University) told me. “Fred, you have got to know teenage girls have a great desire to fit in. They are never quite sure what the rest of the group is wearing, so they change over and over.” When I thought about this I realized she was actually being very strategic: she was bringing everything she owned just to give herself options. I see adult peer pressure in the singles I know, as well. They give others the power to set their direction, their goals, and definition of accomplishment. They may have outgrown over packing, but they still feel the conflict of looking to others to judge how they are doing. They let others set the standards and write the scripts.

3) Money: When I speak at singles weekend retreats I have a great deal of time to talk one on one. Repeatedly I hear their stories of financial insecurity and particularly those of failed debt management. Madison Avenue purposefully and powerfully targets this demographic. They invest big numbers to attract, persuade, and sell singles from 25-45. The importance of “looking the part” drives them to specific exercise, workout, leisure activity, date, and work clothing. The pressure to “fake it ‘til you make it” puts tremendous stress on budgets. It is hard to have a real plan for finances when impulse and the expectations of others drive the outflow. The book of Proverbs reminds us that being in debt puts the person in bondage to the creditor. I hear the rattle of chains way too often.
Money should be a tool, and not an idol. It should be a way to provide options, but it is also a stewardship.

This week think about: 1) How effective is my use of time? 2) Who influences my sense of achievement? 3) When am I tempted to make impulsive expenditures?

Words of Wisdom: “It is important to find a way to run on the fast track while avoiding the frantic track.”

Wisdom from the Words: “So we must not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NET Bible)

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