Weekly Thought – January 18,2022

Fred knew at an early age he wanted to stretch others. He understood the value of being mentored even though that word wasn’t in the current vernacular in mid-century America. His thoughts on the subject stretch others even 15 years after his trip to heaven.

Fruitful Mentoring

In a healthy mentoring relationship all the cards are put on the table. For that to occur, there must be trust between the two. I am careful to keep confidential anything that is shared with me. I once said I will die holding in confidence years of stories and private conversations. I consider it a privilege and great responsibility to be given that level of trust.

Though I have been mentoring for over forty years, I have never successfully improved anyone’s character – nor have I endeavored to do so. I am convinced the only way to improve character in adults is a spiritual experience. Sophisticated individuals may learn to mask or hide their flaws, but under pressure their character will fail… usually when they can least afford this failure. Dishonesty, laziness, anger, greed, selfishness, and lack of cooperation – all are examples of character flaws.

Another critical aspect of healthy growth is climbing and plateauing. We progress by climbing and then plateauing for assimilation… and repeating this process over and over. Sadly some reach a permanent plateau, seduced by comfort and routine. It is the mentor’s responsibility to see in the mentoree potential unseen by the individual, then motivating the process repeatedly until full talent and potential are realized.

Assisting in the Identification and development of what I call a person’s uniqueness is the clear responsibility of a mentor. Beyond that is the instruction in the joy of accomplishment. I learned this from my mentor, Maxey Jarman. Whenever I get low I immediately start to do something that I feel will be worthwhile. The joy of living returns.

The great operatic star Beverly Sills personified this attitude. One afternoon at a cocktail party held in her apartment one guest said, “We better leave, Beverly has to sing tonight. She protested, “No, I don’t have to sing tonight – I GET to sing!”
I want the mentoree to understand he has control. Sometimes it becomes nonproductive and needs to end. I never question why. Sometimes it becomes unproductive and it needs to end; I accept this as normal.

Mutual respect is crucial. I have never had any success helping anyone I did not respect. I have tried before, but it always failed miserably.

As a young man I recognized my life’s theme was going to be stretching. In fact, I have asked my family to engrave my headstone “He stretched others.” Mentoring has been an effective way of living out that desire.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my mentors? 2) What are areas of needed character development?3) What is my uniqueness?

Words of Wisdom: “Character flaws cannot be changed by mentoring – only by a spiritual experience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 12, 2021

Fred’s reputation as a nationally recognized speaker, management consultant, and board member morphed during his career to be immediately associated with mentoring. He was known as “mentor to a generation of leaders.” By the end of his life that aptly became generations.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. With my mentors, I tried to be a good student. As I studied the process I recognized four key elements in being successfully mentored.

1) Admit your ignorance. I never tried to impress my mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance is as foolish as hiding symptoms from a doctor. Dr. Walter Hearn, a biochemist at Yale University surprised me once by saying, “Fred, every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorance than you were when you woke up.” He explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon that increased in size daily, it touched more and more ignorance on the periphery of its environment. The more I knew the more I knew I didn’t know. Arrogant people are proud of their knowledge; the humble are familiar with their ignorance.

2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of keys is asking a question the person wants to answer. A young professor recently told me about asking a prominent speaker two questions following an award ceremony. The man disregarded all those trying to shake his hand and concentrated on answering only those two questions. The professor asked questions the man wanted to answer.

3) Do your homework. With my two mentors I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful in minimizing verbiage. When we met in person I had already organized my questions; I knew it was not a social situation. If we later spent time together that was up to them, not me. My mentors knew I would not waste their time. In fact, I never walked in their offices and sat down until invited. Preparation shows respect and a readiness to make progress.

4) Never try to “use” your mentor. A person with a high-profile, well-known mentor can be tempted to reference him/her in ways that really are manipulative. Quoting the mentor out of context, attempting to build a relationship for personal gain, or name dropping inappropriately are examples. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the teacher. The mentor likes being there when achievement occurs. I now at this age spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I make no charge. But I get amply paid by the accomplishments I see in them.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my mentors? 2) How well do I prepare to be a mentoree? 3) What is my desired outcome from the relationship?

Words of Wisdom: “A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still; teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.” (Proverbs 9:9 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 27, 2021

Fred saw himself as an “inveterate note taker. “Rarely do I hear, read, or even think anything that I feel deserves retention that I don’t commit to paper. I’ve been doing this for sixty years.” This became a common practice with those he mentored, as well. In his last days dear friend Bill Glass appeared in the ICU waiting room with a notebook and pen. “I still have questions for Fred and I want to make sure I get the answers right.”

Lifestyle Mentoring

One form of mentoring defines the principles of living. Recently, I hear a young man say, “My grandfather was everything to me. He loved me, and he taught me how to live.” How fortunate to have an older person in one’s life about whom you can say that.

As we look to scripture for examples of lifestyle mentoring we automatically think of Paul and Timothy. Paul let Timothy observe him at work. He didn’t try to teach Timothy mechanics of missionary work. He was a father in the faith… a type of parent without the parental responsibilities.

For years Zig Ziglar and I have regularly met to talk. When we sit down he gets out his paper and pen even though his memory for material is greater than mine. In discussing mentoring he said, “Be sure to tell the person being mentored to make notes. No one should trust his memory with anything important.”

A good mentor never ridicules a question. He may choose not to answer, but he respects the process because questions are the pump that makes the answers flow.

I have sought over my lifetime (which is approaching 90) to distill life into principles. Some are eternal, and therefore always current. I form a mental filing cabinet for all information that passes through my experience. Some items interest me – others do not. So, there are some empty file folders in my cabinet for topics of no interest to me. I was blessed with excellent recall, but I work on it consistently.

Lifestyle mentoring is “coming alongside” in the day by day, developing by observing, asking, absorbing, and putting information into a helpful form.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who is my lifestyle mentor? 2) How effective am I at note taking? 3) What am I learning that will be valuable to younger ones?

Words of Wisdom: “Rarely do I hear, read, or even think anything that I feel deserves retention that I don’t commit to paper. I’ve been doing this for sixty years.”

Wisdom from the Word: “To Timothy, my genuine child in the faith.” (1 Timothy 1:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 16, 2021

Fred’s book Breakfast With Fred had a tag line: “Mentor to a generation of leaders.” His long life enabled that influence to cross several generations. He saw a clear distinction between coaching, discipling, and mentoring. He believed strongly in the mutual responsibilities.

During this season we have received numerous emails expressing appreciation for the weekly thoughts and the applicability. We often think about the timeless and timely nature of his wisdom. We are also thankful for the ability to stretch and bless through the gifts God gave Fred. Thank you for your faithful support and encouragement.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. I always tried to be a good student when mentored. I knew I had responsibilities to them. Here are a few I identified:

1) Admit my ignorance. I never tried to impress a mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance from a teacher is as foolish as hiding an illness from a doctor. The wise person is always aware of his own ignorance. Dr. Walter Hearn, a Yale biochemist once said, “Fred every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorant than you were when you woke up.” I thought he was being facetious until he explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon and assumed the balloon increased each day, it would touch more and more ignorance on the periphery. Therefore, my knowledge brought me into contact with my greater ignorance. The arrogant are proud of their knowledge the humble are acquainted with their ignorance. I made friends with my ignorance.
2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of the keys is asking a question that the person wants to answer.
3) Do your homework. With my two mentors, I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk to them about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful to minimize chitchat. When my primary mentor and I met I had preciously organized my questions. I knew it was not a social situation. If we later wanted social time, that would be up to him, not to me. I never walked into his office and sat down until I was invited. He had to know I was not there to waste time. Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.
4) Never try to “use” the mentor. A person with a well-known mentor can be tempted to drop the name, or make reference in ways that are really using, not respecting. Quoting the mentor out of context is an example. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the mentor. The mentor greatly enjoys “being there” when achievement occurs. Currently I spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I never charge. I get amply paid by seeing them grow and accomplish.

This week think about 1) Who has influenced me most greatly? 2) How am I preparing myself to be mentored? 3) What questions do I have this week for my mentor?

Words of Wisdom: “Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.”

Wisdom from the Word “He stores up effective counsel for the upright, and is like a shield for those who live with integrity.” (Proverbs 2:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 7, 2020

Fred wanted his epitaph to read “He Stretched Others.” A large part of living that out was through his business career. He identified talent and nurtured it.

Developing People

The thing I enjoy most about being an executive is the opportunity to help people. One of the challenges to me is finding people who can fall either way off the fence. There are those who can fall into mediocrity or with the right shove can fall on the side of productivity.

Of course, there are the highly motivated one who do not need this push. They will fight their way out of a slump, up through an affluent culture with their tremendous drive, and talent… they are exceptional.

But there are many who don’t shine or show out. As youth they fall into the middle (and often muddle). They may end up being routine workers with jobs that have little or no promise. They will be on the same track for their lifetime.

These are the ones I enjoy finding. I see a flicker of a flame that hasn’t been fanned. I see “a lithe in the window because someone is home.” Often it takes very little to get them on to another track. I have been surprised many times by what they can overcome and accomplish.

Belief is critical to this transformation. When I was with GENESCO I spent much of my time in the plants and the various departments. I met a man with an eighth grade education, working in the inspection department. He wanted more, but thought his education deficiencies denied him progress. Today he is the President of a small company in Chicago. What made the difference? I believed in him. He finally saw the artificial barriers he created were just that – artificial and counterfeit. He understood he didn’t have to accept this.

I can repeat story after story of people who had someone believe I them and give them the needed shove. You may call this process mentoring, sponsorship, or in the Christian context discipleship. Helping another shift from one track to another can change their destination.

Consider those around you who could transition from mediocrity with your supportive shove.

Think carefully about: 1) Who first said to me, “I believe in you?” 2) How can I make a difference in a person’s life direction? 3) What motivates me to stretch others?

Words of Wisdom: “I believed in him.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 10, 2020

Fred served on Focus Week teams for over 15 years. This group of businessmen worked with colleges and universities associated with the Southern Baptist Convention. In keeping with Fred’s mission of “stretching others” he worked diligently to bring thought-provoking content to the students. This week we will focus on quotes from Baylor students written in March,1960 following a week on their campus.

BWFLI will be joining with Jarvis College for Spring semester to develop a deeper understanding and application of mentoring, networking, and character building. Please pray as the plans go forward.

Thanks For Coming

“Saying thank you seems like such an insufficient way of expressing our gratitude for what you meant to individuals on our campus this past week… by many means we were taught that until one is willing to let the Holy Spirit lead and direct, the results are not what glorify the Lord. We only wish it were possible for you to comprehend the influence you have had on so many young lives. If you could hear the numerous individuals who come to us and sincerely say, ‘Thank you – things are different now.’”

“Fred Smith showed me that God has a purpose in my life and through the challenge of the life of Fred Smith, I was motivated to activate the full potential of my life.”

“I want to say that I am very honored to know you and that the week you were here is the highlight of my college career. I really believe that God had a hand in arranging for me to be your escort at Baylor. It takes a continual stimulus, such as a history course I took last semester, or your visit, to keep me digging for ideas… I like the idea you mentioned about writing to successful people and asking for their stories. The thing you said that intrigued me was that you said I should send them the story of the person I interviewed before them. I am going to do this asking for the main contribution to success.”

“I would like to express to you my appreciation for the inspiration of your presence and words at our recent Focus Week on the Baylor campus. Very seldom does a speaker leave me with the determination to try some of his suggestions… your words seemed to reach the student level; they apply to our lives now, as well as in the future.”

“When you presented your plan for success on that Wednesday night it hit me square in the face. That was what I had been looking for. It was a plan and I had never had a plan. Your plan can be put to use in everything from a plan of reading in one book to a complete plan of life. I have waited to write until I finished the first test in each of my courses in this semester so that I might see some sign of growth and improvement. Perfection never comes, especially overnight. There are still wide places for improvement but not so wide as before I heard you and began applying the principles you set forth. I have decided to let God work through me rather than in spite of me. Thanks again for all that you brought and left at Baylor.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How has Fred influenced me? 2) What has been my role in mentoring another? 3) Where can I plant seeds which will bear fruit in years to come?

Words of Wisdom: “Remember, you are the pipe, not the pump. The Spirit is the generator; we are the channel.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Showing yourself to be an example of good works in every way. In your teaching show integrity, dignity.” (Titus 2:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – February 11, 2020

Fred mentored others, stretching them and as BWFLI says, “blessing them.” His primary mentor was Maxey Jarman who built a shoe company into an apparel giant with 75,000 employees. Fred wrote an article published in Leadership Journal highlighting principles evident in Mr. Jarman’s life. (Editor’s note: the article fleshes out each principle; space prohibits the full text.)

As we begin another year of BWF activities we thank you for your faithful participation. Organizing Fred’s thousands of pages into brief messages stretches us as we hope it does you in reading them. We appreciate your notes and your recommendations to others. Fred’s earthly life ended in 2007, but his influence continues. Thank you for your support.

Principles of Life Changers

I learned much from Maxey Jarman. He would be embarrassed if he knew I were writing this article, but then he would merely want it to be helpful. This is not an exhaustive list, but key to my development.

1. Maxey thought little about himself. His mind was occupied with opportunities and how he was going to get the job done.
2. Maxey was future oriented. He seldom wanted to reminisce. He was not cursed with the albatross of dragging the past around.
3. Maxey believed in progress, not perfection. He realized the difference between satisfactory progress and whimsical perfection simply costs too much.
4. Maxey read broadly. He read constantly, quickly, and widely, usually 5 or 6 books at a time.
5. Time was Maxey’s greatest “means.” Since time was his greatest limitation, it was to be invested judiciously. He needed to feel at the end of the day he had fulfilled his greatest responsibilities.
6. Effort alone didn’t count. “Results is the best excuse for activity.” He felt many substituted activity for accomplishment.
7. Maxey believed in people’s potential. He preferred for people to pull responsibility to them, provided they would accept accountability for it.
8. Maxey implemented responsibility with a strong, consistent discipline. He thought emergencies were the evidence of poor planning, therefore, he had very few.
9. Maxey was courteous, but still honest. He didn’t want gunslingers in the organization – shooting either for him or against him.
10. Maxey made lists. To live was to improve, and to improve was to make a list for specificity.
11. Maxey accepted his own weaknesses. “Don’t try to strengthen people in their weaknesses; it is less productive than utilizing their strengths.”
12. Maxey never became cynical. He knew to manage a large organization he had to trust his subordinates. The few who failed him or conned him didn’t change this conviction.
13. Maxey was decisive. He had a very open mind before making a decision, but a very closed mind once that decision was made.
14. Maxey was a much better demonstrator than a teacher. He rarely lectured; he showed you. You had to work with him to fully appreciate him. He was not colorful; he was effective.
15. Money to Maxey was a means, not an end. He was “afraid” of accumulating personal wealth. He talked about money’s deception and the evils it brought to those obsessed by it. He proved his conviction by giving millions to Christian causes.
16. Maxey was grateful. Thanksgiving was a great part of his relation with God. He had the humility of gratitude.

This week think about: 1) Who is my mentor? 2) How has he/she contributed to my personal or professional growth? 3) What can I be a more intentional mentor?

Words of Wisdom: “I never saw a man so serious about wanting to reach the truth.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now give me wisdom and discernment so I can effectively lead this nation.”(2 Chronicles 1:10(a) NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 25, 2019

Fred and Mary Alice married on June 25, 1937 in Nashville, TN. He loved to say, “We had $5.00 when we married. And if she had saved more we would have had more since it was her $5.00. They rode a trolley downtown and shared a Krystal hamburger for their honeymoon. They celebrated 67 years in 2004 just months before Mary Alice’s death. They truly understood and lived ‘til death do you part.

2019 is the year of reconstruction and repair. The breakfastwithfred.com website has served faithfully, but its functionality is showing severe wear. Would you consider contributing to the website update project? Thank you.

The Value of Network

Networking has various levels and definitions. I want to talk about the qualities of healthy relationships within your personal network.

First, establish mutuality. I maintain the strongest friendships have a foundation of mutual benefit, meaning we can be equally helpful to each other. For example, Jack Modesett and I talk frequently on the phone sharing ideas, quotations, and articles. He knows my major interests and I know his. When each of us sees something we know the other would appreciate, we make a point of sharing it. Mutual benefit.

Second, check out chemistry. By that I mean finding out if you have the same values and philosophy of life. For example, if one is fundamentally selfish and self-focused, this will not fit well with another who sees other-focused as a core value.

Third, assure confidentiality and trust. There are different degrees of relationship in networks. The essential nature of deep relationships leads to knowledge of intimate details. Therefore, the need for absolute confidence and trust is critical.

Fourth, take the necessary time. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, said he could not afford the time to have many friends. In my own relationships I take this responsibility seriously. I will not shoot from the hip or give a top of mind and quick reaction without adequate preparation and thought. My friends count on me to take the time to be their friend. I, also, know my inner circle devotes time to my questions.

Fifth, diversify expertise. I want to have many different areas of expertise in my personal network. For example, when I have a business decision one of the men I call is Lee Roy Mitchell because I am confident in his acumen and experience.

Networks are helpful on minor, as well as major issues. For example, I may simply need the name of someone my memory won’t recall as quickly as I would like. My networking Rolodex includes a most helpful variety of people.

A good network keeps the members apprised of events that would be interesting or helpful. Over the years I enjoy tearing out articles from magazines or newspapers and attaching a small “thought you would be interested” handwritten note before sending it out.

This week carefully think about: 1) Which point sparks my interest? 2) Who in my network helps me grow? 3) What do I need to strengthen my network?

Words of Wisdom: “I maintain the strongest friendships have a foundation of mutual benefit, meaning we can be equally helpful to each other.”

Wisdom from the Word: “This saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on such truths, so that those who have placed their faith in God may be intent on engaging in good works. These things are good and beneficial for all people.” (Titus 3:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 2, 2018

Fred thought deeply from a young age. He confused his parents with his need for a quiet, “thinking place” which he found in the attic. He also took his responsibility to those coming behind seriously. Although he was not considered a social activist, he devoted much time and energy to the stretching of younger leaders. On March 3, 1954 he wrote a speech memo (notes to himself for future talks) about the legacy of his generation. Ironic that we are living out generations later the legacy he foresaw. This is an unusual Weekly Thought because it exists in a list of thoughts, but the implications generate great thought. Fred was born in 1915 and wrote this piece to those born in 1940 and beyond.

As the year closes we need your financial help to sustain the BWFLI programming. We have one additional What’s Next Roundtable at Greenville University in Greenville, IL. If you can donate to our operating funds, we will greatly appreciate your tax deductible gifts.

Our Legacy to the Next Generation

We have given the next generation (editor’s note: now known as builders or the silent generation):

• Religion without conviction
• Science without conscience
• Kinsey without marriage
• Excitement without achievement
• Security without effort
• Knowledge without wisdom
• Nightmares instead of dreams
• Techniques without principles
• Precepts without examples
• Freedom without responsibility
• The present without promise
• The future without fruition
• Marching orders without marching songs
• Education without motivation
• Prosperity without peace
• War without reason
• Art without beauty
• Brotherhood without Godhead
• Songs without souls
• Enterprise without enthusiasm
• Fission without feeling
• Fusions without faith

Editor’s Note: Fred’s speech memo developed the negative side of legacy. Even though there are no memos which list the positive, be assured he believed in the “faith of the fathers” which passed strength and trust down to the next generation. Perhaps it is our task to write the other list.

This week think carefully: 1) Which on this list makes me stop and think? 2) How has my generation years later solved any of these dilemmas? 3) What am I leaving for the next generation?

Words of Wisdom: This week take a moment and reread the list

Wisdom from the Word: “Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing; it benefits those who see the light of day.” (Ecclesiastes 7:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 5, 2018

Fred was known as a “mentor to a generation of leaders.” Through the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute his legacy of mentoring continues. The “What’s Next Roundtable” focuses on mentoring, networking, and persevering. For the month of June the Weekly Thoughts will shine a light on principles of leadership Fred saw in his mentor, Maxey Jarman. This is Fred’s introduction to the article.

Intro to Mentor

I first met Maxey Jarman back in the mid-thirties when I was about twenty. I had been teaching a Sunday School class in a nurses’ training program at Nashville General Hospital. One of the attendees became an industrial nurse, and she introduced me to her boss, the director of personnel. I said to myself, “I’d like a job like that.” I had no training or experience, but I knew General Shoe (later GENESCO) was one company in town where there might be such a position. So, I decided to meet the President, Maxey Jarman.

Maxey always bought gas at the station next to the plant. I waited until he drove up in his red Chrysler, then walked over and introduced myself. We just shook hands. He probably thought it was very strange, but in his early thirties he was rather shy and not very gregarious.

Mary Alice and I had just married and rented out one of our two bedrooms to a factory worker at General Shoe. She told me of some labor problems at work, and I called Mr. Jarman, offering my viewpoint. He invited me to his office. We had a very short conversation, and I heard no more about it. But he impressed me so much I decided to join the men’s Bible class he taught. They had me lead the singing and eventually elected me president of the class.

One Wednesday night after church in 1941, Maxey invited me to have a Coke at the Rexall Drug. We sat on fountain stools, and he asked me what I planned to do in life. “I’d like to be a personnel man,” I told him. He asked if I had any experience, and I said, “No, I’ve never even seen a personnel department. But I met a guy who’s a personnel man, and I’d like that kind of work.”

That night I told Mary Alice I thought he would offer me a job, and no matter what he offered, I was going to take it because I wanted to be associated with him. I sensed then I wanted to know him and work for him for life. There was something significantly different about this man. Being a preacher’s kid in the poor part of town, I’d become cynical about Christians. But Maxey personified reality. This was so valuable to me at that time…here was a real man, a genuine person; and our years of friendship intensified that evaluation. When he offered me a position in personnel, I was elated.
I had never seen a man so serious about wanting to reach the truth. For forty-three years I wrote my observations of Maxey on scraps of paper, everything from church bulletins to napkins. Last year I compiled them – 500 pages of separate paragraphs. I spent three weeks at our lake house doing little but reading and thinking. When I told him about this, he said, “I’m amazed. What a waste of time!”

This week think about:1) Who has influenced my life like Maxey Jarman impacted Fred? 2) What lessons have I learned from my mentors? 3) How have I studied my mentors and put the lessons into play?

Words of Wisdom: “But Maxey personified reality… here was a real man, a genuine person.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now give me wisdom and discernment so I can effectively lead this nation. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” (2 Chronicles 1:10 NET Bible)