Weekly Thought – June 12, 2018

Fred enjoyed the mutuality of friendship and the benefits of stimulating thought. He assembled a group for a weekend of conversation – no agenda, just interesting people with the ability to prompt interchange. As a follow-up he asked them to send thoughts, articles, or other correspondence to each of the others. He called them “The twenty-five.” This week’s thought is one of his offerings based on a visit to the new home of a longtime friend.

Fall is coming for the What’s Next Roundtable. Please continue praying for these conversation and connection times with college students in three states. We appreciate your support through encouraging words, prayer, and financial gifts. Thank you for standing with us.

What is a Home?

1. A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.” No “yellowing of the leaves” happening to the leaves of love.

2. There must be a natural place to eat and talk – an atmosphere, not necessarily a designated space.

3. There should be a selection of spots for conversation, both large and small. There should also be an outside place where the greater work of God joins with the handiwork of man giving an extra dimension.

4. If possible, an extra space for guests which they can make their own without interrupting the natural flow of the house. To have a place where guests sleep is good, but giving them a space to read, listen to music, think about the day, and relax in the bathtub.

5. A house should be functional, for after all it is not a display but a happiness factory for those who live in it. It’s basic raison d’etre is utility for people. It exists to provide those who live there the ability to accomplish their goals without inflating their egos to their detriment.

6. A home should be a place where things worth doing occur.

7. A home should have a sense of beauty, no matter what its size. It must appreciate, not depreciate the environment. It must give warmth and comfort showing the beauty of hospitality.

8. A home is not an investment in money alone, but in living. It should never be primarily viewed as a good financial decision. A home should have the quality of a nest with the occupants nestled down for the foreseeable future. It can be a wise financial consideration, but it should always be thought of as the place for family to live and prosper.

9. One practical note: the mortgage should be as small as possible so financial pressures don’t pollute the environment. The full enjoyment of relational growth and connection should be the focus, not the worries of satisfying creditors.

10. A home should represent the cradle of relationships with family, friends, and Christ.

This week think about: 1) How is my home creating and development peace and harmony? 2) What can I do this week to encourage connection in my home? 3) When do I feel most satisfied in my home?

Words of Wisdom: A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, ‘Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.’” (Luke 19:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2017

Fred was not “ooky-gooky,” as he was fond of saying. He was raised in a generation which expressed love through action more than words. His dedication to his family, his friends, and the body of Christ never veered off course. His fidelity and devotion to integrity became guiding lights.

Love and Life

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives when there is often little to bring rejoicing. But we enjoy being loved so much we sometimes forget the responsibilities of being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living. I am convinced recognizing and understanding the value of love is a great part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed (and probably ornery) to give up and die, but I think the real reason for my zeal is the belief that I can contribute and that I am loved.

Doctors have told me many old people are said to die of “natural causes,” when in truth they actually die from loneliness – or a broken heart. There is actually medical research to show the connection between the emotional and physical condition. People can decide to give up life. Conversely, there is proof that those who receive loving care can sustain life beyond expectations. There was a study done to show the difference between patients who were prayed for and loved versus those who were left alone.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, the finest offering we can make to others is our love. And this is the love which is more than touchy-feely words. This is the love which C.S. Lewis defined as “wanting the best for the other.” Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given. One of the great lessons I have learned in my incapacitation is that I can love and be loved, regardless of my abilities.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words. One of my favorite times of day is when my daughter who cares for me comes in, pats me on the arms, kisses me o the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning.” When I was pronounced dying, she said to the medical staff, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” And so far, she has been right!

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven I still celebrate Valentine’s Day… for her. And every day I can celebrate the truth of God’s love. He sent us a Valentine that would last forever – the “I love you” from Christ.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am loved? 2) What motivates me to love others? 3) When is love most real in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord your God will also cleanse your heart and the hearts of your descendants so that you may love him with all your mind and being and so that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 13, 2016

Fred and Mary Alice were married for 67 years. A few weeks before her death, she reached her hand through the rails on her hospital bed to hold his. She leaned over and said, “You are a good looking boy!” The love lasted.

Loving and Living

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives even when there is little to make us rejoice. We appreciate being loved so much that we sometimes forget the responsibility that comes with being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living, and I am convinced understanding the value of love is a tremendous part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed to die, but I believe the realization I can contribute and I am loved gives me purpose.

Doctors say that many old people who “die of natural causes” really die of loneliness. Current medical research shows we can literally die of broken hearts. Conversely, studies show people who receive care and prayer tend to live longer and richer lives than those who don’t.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, so our greatest gift to one another should be our love for others – and for Him. Love does not need to be earned; it is given. It should be freely received. And so, no matter how incapacitated we are, we can still experience being loved – and giving love.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words of love. One of my favorite times at the end of the day is when daughter Brenda comes in, pats me on the arm, kisses me on the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning,” When I was pronounced “dying,” by my doctors she said, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” That is exactly what happened. There is power in love.

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven, I still celebrate Valentine’s Day – for her. When she died I realized she created a stronger magnetic draw toward heaven. I decided that when I die I don’t want my children and other family members to feel loss because they need me, but to know they love me. That is the best there is.

This week think about: 1) Who needs to hear “I love you” this week? 2) What makes me feel loved? 3) How sure am I that God loves me?

Words of Wisdom: “And so, no matter how incapacitated we are, we can still experience being loved – and giving love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We love because he loved us first.” (1 John 4:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 5, 2016

Fred liked to quote C. S. Lewis’ definition of love: wanting the best for another. He recognized the sacrificial nature when making this decision. He used to say he wasn’t very “oooky gooky” (yes, believe it or not – he used those words) about feelings, but he was outstanding in showing love.

Please continue to pray for our Christian colleges and universities. They are under tremendous pressure to step away from foundational beliefs. Hold them up! And as BWFLI plans for the fall events, your prayer support is greatly appreciated.

Protected By Love

I served on a corporate board with a strong Christian lady who testified she grew up with friends who lived “on the wild side.” Her sister advised her to avoid dangerous behavior, fearing what her father would do to her. She responded, “I am not choosing against immorality because I’m afraid of what he will do to me. But I am choosing because of what it would do to him. I know he truly loves me.”

Another friend told how her mother died when she was a young child. Her relatives told her how much her mother regretted that she wouldn’t live to see her daughter grow up. They also told her that her mother lived in heaven and could see everything she did. Not wanting to disappoint her mother, this woman lived an almost exemplary life. She feared not living up to her mother’s love. Children who feel loved are less likely to get into serious trouble.

Couples living together without marriage will say, “It’s nobody’s business what two consenting adults do.” This might be true if no one else loved either one of them, but that is rarely the case. Such couples are not living up to the responsibility of being loved.

I once went to Europe with a nonbelieving business associate I respected to be a philanderer. But during the entire trip he only talked of his wife and their love for each other After attending a concert at La Scala, his only remark was, “I wish she were here.” His response to her love became his strength.

I have observed that those individuals who feel Christ’s love are eager to obey His commandments. In Scripture it says, “If you love me, you will obey my commandments.” It isn’t in obedience that we know Him but we observe His commandments because we know Him and His love. It is our joy.

This week think about: 1) What does being love mean to me? 2) How do I handle the responsibility of being loved? 3) Who needs to know I love them?

Words of Wisdom: “His response to her love became his strength.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For this is the gospel message that you have heard from the beginning: that we should love one another.” (1 John 3:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 21, 2016

Fred’s legacy of wisdom continues through the influence of those he touched. One of his mentors Dr. Julian Gumperz died and was written up in the New York Times. The headline announced the passing of a man’s influence. Fred commented that the lifework and impact of Dr. Gumperz would live in him. A positive legacy is the true residual of a life well-lived.

Footprints

Lately I have been giving a great deal of thought to the difference between legacy and inheritance. It seems many of my friends are thinking about ways to leave money to their family members. Although this is admirable, I prefer to think about leaving a legacy. Legacy encompasses how to live and how to die- the passing on of one’s core values. My legacy will be my personal answer to the question: “What has been the theme of my life?”

While speaking in Las Vegas years ago I caught entertainer Ray Bolger’s act. I wanted to get the sense of who he was before I introduced him the next day at the conference. The limber-limbed dancer is best known for his role as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.
In his show he performed the signature steps of the dance greats who preceded him including Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, and Fred Astaire. His message was that they left something on the floor when they no longer danced. The close of the show was a sole spotlight focused on a stool in center stage. On it sat Bolger’s dance shoes, making the tacit expression that he, too, wanted to “leave it on the floor.”

We must carefully consider what legacy we are leaving. I am convinced inheritances often split families while legacies bond them. How many times have you seen families broken apart over money? The passing of the torch should not ignite a family fire.

It is crucial to think about the imprint we are making. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote about “leaving footprints on the sands of time.” Steve Green, the Christian musician, sings about the hope that “those who come behind us find us faithful.”

The mark we make is the rent we pay for the space we occupy on earth. Our legacy remains as long as our influence lives. It is our responsibility to make sure it is a good one. It is my hope to leave meaning more than money.

This week think about: 1) If I died today, what would be my legacy? 2) What steps am I taking today to build a legacy of meaning and faithfulness? 3) How can I communicate my life themes to others?

Words of Wisdom: “The passing of the torch should not ignite a family fire.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And entrust what you heard me say in the presence of many others as witnesses to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 28, 2014

Fred’s parents were Rev. and Mrs. M.B. Smith. They had first names, but all knew them as Brother and Mrs. Smith. His father was a Southern Baptist pastor who was known throughout the mill district of Nashville for his compassion, and love of Biblical truth. Fred believed in legacy, not inheritance… in passing on character, not riches.

This week’s thought will probably be the most unusual ever, for it isn’t written by Fred but to him – in 1948 by his Dad. It must have been prompted by Fred’s ordination as a deacon at First Baptist Church in Nashville. He mentions Mary Alice, Fred’s wife of 67 years, who would have been 99 last week. This letter from father to son is a rare find in Fred’s archives and one that teaches us much about his lineage.

Words of a Father

“Dear Fred:

I desire that you know in this personal way that I deeply appreciate you as an ordained servant of God.

The joy of a parent’s heart is the honor their children confer upon them. You have manifested a high sense of honor all your life. It is beginning to bloom out into blessed fruitage.

I am by you like Paul was by the Philippian Church, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”

It gives me peculiar pleasure to welcome you into the ranks of the ordained of the Lord. I feel confident you will be faithful until death.

I deeply appreciate the letters and literature you send as related to the YOUTH FOR CHRIST MOVEMENT. It gives me insight to the work of the Master as it is related to our Young People. (more…)

Weekly Thought – April 8, 2014

Fred grew up as the third boy in a family of five.  His Dad was a Southern Baptist preacher who pastored in the mill district of North Nashville during the depression.  His Mother was a strong woman who fed their family of seven (and everyone else who came to the door) by watering down the soup and stretching the vegetables.  He met his wife Mary Alice in English class when they were twelve, but didn’t date until after high school.  They raised three children and the family now includes 6 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren.

Your continuing support for the Weekly Thought and the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute is deeply appreciated.  Please pray for the event at Taylor University April 24, 25.  The team goes to “stretch and bless the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Family Magnetism

A family is like a cluster of steel balls held together by a strong, unifying magnetism.  Each member is separate, yet together, drawn by the magnetism in each ball and held by the force of the whole.  The cluster is flexible, not permanently joined to one piece or another.  Families, too, should be gathered together by the force of love while holding individuality and not permanently affixed in position.  This allows for growth and change.

As the families grow, the steel pieces are added, and the force of love encompasses them all.  The magnetism is not a closed universe, but expands as the family model changes.  The addition of more children, in-laws, and grandchildren just stretches the reach of the magnetism.

In the magnetized “ball cluster” concept, love’s magnetism does not restrict movement, growth, individual responsibility, or our identity.  If something happens to one, the others coagulate, forming a new cluster.

In contrast, hostility pushes the pieces apart and turns the magnetism into non-magnetism and polarized relations.    (more…)

Weekly Thought – March 4, 2014

Fred’s memorial service featured a DVD produced six months before his death.  He shared wisdom, humor, and inspiration.  He spoke of the legacy he wanted to leave for his children: “I don’t want them to need me; I want them to love me.”  Fred loved deeply, but he didn’t like to be “ooky-gooky” about it.  Yes, that is his expression.

Thank you for praying with the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute team.  God’s presence and power filled the days.  The Palm Beach Atlantic University campus was “buzzing” with the conversations, the interactions, and the prayer.  The team appreciates the warm hospitality of PBA.

What is Love?

“How do you define love, Fred?”  Frankly, I don’t have a concise and precise answer that covers the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual elements.  After all, the Greeks had at least four different words.

Love is so poorly understood.  The best definition I have found is: “Love is willing the ultimate good for the other person.”  I like the idea of “willing,” rather than “wanting,” “feeling,” or “wishing.”  Love is deeply rooted in the will.

If left to feelings, it invariably becomes selfish. Because we are fundamentally self-centered, undisciplined love focuses on ourselves and not the ultimate good of the other.  Competition ensues —my ultimate good versus yours.  When I hear someone say, “If you loved me, you would…” I know selfishness is ruling.

Two factors are in play using this definition: 1) will and 2) ultimate good.  When we use these measures, we maturely respond to emotional situations.  By looking for the ultimate good we are able to include discipline, restraint, and even confrontation in our response to others.      (more…)