Weekly Thought – July 13, 2021

Fred and Mary Alice loved their time in the mountains of North Carolina. They also enjoyed the years they had a condo on Mustang Island in South Texas. In typical Fred fashion, he analyzed what he learned after a visit to the beach one Spring.

Lessons From The Beach

I was on Mustang Island during Spring Break a few years ago. Have you ever been sober among drunks – old among the young – an outsider among the insiders? If so, then you know exactly how I felt.

It seemed the kids wanted three things:

1) Fun. It must have always been somewhere else because they were always frantically looking for it. Their laughter was hollow. They were loud, profane, and destructive. Early each morning the entire area was littered with trash. And fun was not only a phantom – it was expensive. They appeared to revel in one-upsmanship. After awhile I got the feeling parents had actually funded this adventure just to get them out of the house. And I couldn’t blame them – spring break was totally hedonistic.

2) Irresponsibility. Three words describe their state: drunk, nude, and drugged. It appeared acceptable for a guy to walk around without clothing, but it was mandatory to have a beer can in his hand to be considered well-dressed. Urging young women to “get naked” was the theme. I don’t have enough experience with drugs to speak authoritatively, but many of them seemed what I think is called “spaced out.”

3) Anonymity. They maintained their anonymity by staying en masse. By traveling with the group (especially the in group) they blend in and feel a part of the action. Bad decisions are easily made in such an environment – decisions which leave lifelong scars and permanent consequences. Yet I thought about how many adults strive and fight very hard to be in with the group. Being totally in results in total anonymity. Our unique identification is lost.

I asked one of the young women who seemed to be rather thoughtful and interested in conversation how she felt after the binge. “It isn’t as good as I expected and I guess I feel frustrated.” So often we all have the anticipation without the satisfaction. We think the party will be great, but it isn’t; we try for the big title and the big money but then we feel hollow. Without a spiritual base too much of life is that – anticipation without satisfaction. Scripture calls it “clouds without rain.”

A theologian friend of mine told me “Fred, sin is like the midway at the State Fair — the ride is short and the price is high.” The danger of these weeks is not so much the four day binge, but the danger that people think sin is an appetite that can be satiated. For some of my friends it is greed for power, money, or material possessions. It is a consuming fire which does not know “enough.”

This week think about: 1) How am I still bringing a spring break mentality into my adult life? 2) What changes do I need to make in my priorities? 3) Who is being impacted by my goals?

Words of Wisdom: “Without a spiritual base too much of life is that – anticipation without satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I realized that wisdom is preferable to folly, just as light is preferable to darkness.” (Ecclesiastes 2:13 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 13, 2021

Fred recognized the need to hug (and be hugged) later in life. He studied the research on the value of touch. He had large hands and enjoyed having his children, and grandchildren hold onto his fingers.

Hugs are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch. I’ve been working on it for several years. My interest began when I listened to the President of Sloan-Kettering address the American Management Association. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re gonna get well.” There is an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It’s an interesting new technique. (Editor’s note: written long before internet). The professor calls a writer or a speaker, puts him/her on a conference call for an hour to answer questions from the class. In preparation they sent me the school magazine. There was a poem by Donna Swanson, on the subject of aging and touch.

It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because nobody thinks ( or wants) to touch them. When my Mother was 90 (she lived to be 93) she began showing her wrinkles. She was very stooped. I realized I had stopped touching her when I greeted her. Recognizing this, I began hugging her again and it made a great difference for her. Donna Swanson’s poem touched me because it struck me how grateful I was to relearn the lesson of touching my Mom.

Here are just a few lines of the poem entitled Minnie Remembers

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did these slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws?
When, God? How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out…..God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty. They come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me.”

I was at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a laymen’s meeting. A small, unpretentious woman stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to other people. In speaking you always watch that. If somebody stands around they’ve something special to say. She walked up to me standing not even five feet tall, and looked up at me. “Would you hug me?” “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who in my family or friend circles needs a hug? 2) How can I train my children the importance of physical touch? 3) In light of COVID how can I express physical attachment while remaining wise?

Words of Wisdom: “It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because many do not think (or want) to touch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 9, 2021

Fred often commented on his progress in parenting. “It wasn’t a natural process for me, but I worked on it. My children occasionally thank me for the lessons I have learned. One commented that I have done a fair job of “reparenting.” His children would no doubt express gratitude for the way he and Mary Alice made sure they knew the Heavenly Father.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly father is permanent – there is no short term contract. He chooses to be bonded to us. What a wonderful feeling to know that God the father seals the relationship once and for all. We don’t have to keep winning His acceptance. It is not a contingent or conditional relationship. Sadly, many fathers cannot grasp the unconditional nature of His parenthood and then cannot reflect that to his own children.

After an anniversary trip, Mary Alice and I stopped in Austin to have lunch with Browning Ware who told us about a woman he had known for over twenty years. She struggled with the fact she could never please her father, even though he has been dead for years. She once told him of striving for academic excellence to please him. When she brought home a report card with all “A’s” she expected high praise. Instead he took it, looked at it, and said, “Don’t they give A+ grades down at that school?” She was crushed. Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.

This assurance of permanence is expressed no better than by the Apostle Paul “Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creatures, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When our daughter Brenda went to college she inserted “nor Denison University” into the list recognizing that event the university environment wouldn’t be strong enough to shake the permanent nature of God’s hold.

Intimacy is the outgrowth of spiritual maturity. The depth and closeness of the relationship comes about naturally as we grow together, whether with God our father or our human connections. Confidence is a good platform for permanence. When we are secure in the enduring quality we have the freedom to open up. God’s everlasting love for us teaches us the way to open the way to intimacy with our own children. Knowing His love for us creates a model for human parenting.

This week think about: 1) Who first taught me about God’s love? 2) Who first taught me about God’s love? 3) How can I pass these lessons on to my family?

Words of Wisdom: “Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Son of the Father, in truth and love.” (2 John 1:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 2, 2021

Fred and Mary Alice married in 1937. For their honeymoon they rode a trolley downtown Nashville, split a Crystal hamburger, then went back to the one room they rented in a woman’s house. They pledged fidelity “until death do us part.” In June, 2004 they celebrated their 67th anniversary five months before her death. They raised three children, building into them the importance of love and commitment.
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Finding Loyal Love

As I was leaving Greensboro, N.C. after being there to consult with Jefferson Standard Life Insurance Company, I called Bill Westfall because I heard his wife of 60 years had recently passed away. As soon as I got him on the phone I realized he wanted to talk about her. During her final illness he kept her at home against everyone’s advice, but he wanted her near him to the end. “Bill, you loved her, didn’t you?” “I did, Fred, and I feel good for I waited on her to the end. Then one night she went to slee and didn’t wake up.” In their love they found loyalty.

Eating in a Grand Saline, TX country café a fortyish couple sat next to me. They were farm people who were out for a Saturday lunch. He got up, paid the bill, and then came back. Standing by her he paused for a minute, then reached down and lifted her up from the chair. As she put her arms around his neck he backed out of the café door, moving to his pickup truck parked outside. He gingerly put her into the front seat. I then realized she had a full body cast making her totally unable to stand. Everyone in the restaurant looked, but didn’t say a word. As they drove off the waitress said to me, “He took his vows seriously, didn’t he?”

Loyalty, not passion, is the greatest evidence of love. We see this in families who stress the importance of faithfulness to each other. This is reflected in not just the marital relationship, but down through the children and grandchildren.

Friendships often show loyal love. I often ask others, “How many long-term friends do you have?” I ask that question of myself, as well. Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty. It pulls us through the valleys. Loyalty is more than agreement; it is the willingness to observe, wait, and instruct.

While watching Johnny Cash sing one night I listened carefully to his signature song which contains the line: “Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” It crossed my mine that perhaps it should be “Because I’m yours, I walk the line.” Maybe it doesn’t rhyme, but doesn’t it express a greater truth?
We don’t think enough of what we owe to those people who love us. It is a big responsibility to be loved. Loyalty is far more than not crossing a line. It is staying by, and contributing to our mutual responsibility to honor one another.

Loyalty is proof of love. In this fast-paced world of instant gratification and self-centered love it is good to stop and think about William Barkley’s prayer that the Lord would give us “in our love, loyalty.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How loyal am I to those who love me? 2) What evidences do I have of loyalty in relationships? 3) Who exemplifies a truly loyal friend?

Words of Wisdom: “Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty.”

Wisdom from the Word “You prove to be loyal to one who is faithful; you prove to be trustworthy to one who is innocent.” (Psalm 18:25 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 13, 2020

Fred loved to eat. In his early life he won a chicken eating contest. He was affectionately known as Fat Fred. Years later he modified his habits moderate, but food continued to delight him. A good friend, Ed Yates, faithfully provided him with pies he made especially for Fred. After dialysis he enjoyed slices of Ed’s gifts. Fred loved thinking about the faith journey from unusual vantage points. This week he discourses on the comparison of food and worship styles.

Bread of Life

The analogy between spiritual and physical eating interests me.

Eating habits and style begin early. My family growing up was happy just to have food and the number of forks was irrelevant. Style definitely took a back seat to execution. However, I have some fine Southern friends who believe food cannot be consumed without proper form. Clarence Darrow in his law practice was the great defender of the outcast and downtrodden, but was heard saying. “I will do anything for the common man except eat with him.”

It occurs to me our churchgoing is similar to our eating habits.

Some are gourmets who can only enjoy food if it is expensive, perfectly presented, and consumed in the finest environments. They have cultivated tastes and dignified demeanors. The food must satisfy more than their need for food – it must satisfy their aesthetic sensibilities. Likewise we have members of the Body of Christ who require surroundings and manner of service to satisfy their understanding of worship. The value of the spiritual feeding depends on the environment.

We also have those who insist everything be done in dignity. Decorum is a core value. The surroundings may be less formal, but propriety and proportion are key. They never overeat nor engage in excessive table discussion. Their manners are beyond reproach and their tastes are well-ordered.

Then we have the “all you can eat.” Dinner on the ground crowd. The room is abuzz with conversation. The quality and quantity of the food far exceeds the importance of the serving style. My experience these folks want all their friends to know about the food and how to get a place at the table.

As a born and bred Southern Baptist I can tell you I believe them to be the “chicken eating, share the love of Jesus” group. I will leave the identification of the others to your personal observation.

I once visited a church to hear a friend speak. Unaware of the exact service time I arrived early, entered a totally empty, beautifully appointed stone sanctuary. I picked a convenient aisle seat and enjoyed my time alone in this magnificent edifice. Shortly, an elderly woman came in and nearly sat on my lap in this vacant room. After a few uncomfortable minutes, I asked, “Am I sitting in your seat?” “Yes, our family has occupied these seats for decades.” She is a woman of tradition and decorum and I had violated her “church eating rules.” She would be uncomfortable at my potluck church, but we both desired to be fed.

It is too easy to turn up our noses at those who eat differently, physically or spiritually. A formal service may provide me an experience that a good old Sunday evening song service might not. And the generous serving of the Gospel could bring nutrition to the gourmet churchgoer.

Food is sometimes a luxury, often a joy, and always a necessity. When we know others are eating, we should be thankful they are being nourished.

And bottom line: the focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder bread.

This week think about: 1) Is worship style a matter of principle or preference? 2) How can I live in unity with other communities of faith? 3) What does being an agent of peace look like for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder Bread.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV)

Weekly Thought – August 27, 2019

Fred studied for a lifetime. Although he was unable to attend college, lacking the necessary funding, he embodied “life long learner.” He and Mary Alice believed in higher education providing a way for their three children to each have undergraduate and graduate degrees. He committed himself to getting older, but never old. His mind stayed sharp until the closing hours as his body shut down. Ever the student, he concentrated on human relations, even his own family.

BWFLI is in the final planning stages for the What’s Next Roundtable at Palm Beach University in November. Please keep the team in your prayers. We see more than ever the importance of building into the lives of our Christian colleges and universities. Your financial support is greatly appreciated.

Defining Production

As a business executive I focus heavily on production. When I was young and growing in the corporation I learned about manufacturing. Later in life when I started the food packaging brokerage I employed many of the principles learned at an early age in shoe and apparel plants.

For most of my business life I have clearly understood “results are the only excuse for activity.” Accomplishment and productivity are my yardstick.

At 60 I experienced a tremendous shift in my thinking. I began learning how to define productivity in the family. That sounds strange, doesn’t it?

Our son pointed out to me my philosophy of management worked well in the office, but not so well at home. “You run the family like you run the business. You are the President and CEO. Mom serves as Vice President (with a direct line of report to you) and each of the kids has a job description.”

It never occurred to me that the family didn’t run that way. Business consultants talk about “metrics and measurements.” I completely understood that. What I totally missed and misunderstood was the outcome desired for the family. I realized my learning about this was just beginning.

Providing, spiritually leading, creating a stimulating environment – all these were in “my wheelhouse,” as the young ones say. I failed to stop and properly evaluate the genuine outcome.

After several years of arduous study and yes, struggle, I came to this conclusion: the production of the family is relationship. I am doing my best to change, but it is very difficult. All of your reflexes, all your habits, all your thought patters, all your experiences have been under a different system and its almost like a spiritual conversion. You have to become a new person.

I felt very vulnerable during this process. I encountered new experiences, made new decisions – all without the years I had with the old “run it like a business model.” I took the “by appointment only” attitude and replaced it with a desire to be part of the family. I have to admit I have yet to come to the point of sitting down and watching TV, but I no longer cluck my tongue as I pass through the room on the way to my study to do “serious work.”

Interestingly, our grandchildren were the first to notice – and benefit. They recognized I valued being with them, not just instructing, or leading from the top of the org chart.

I haven’t given up the burning desire for productivity, but I have redefined it. Relationship is now the desired outcome.

This week think about: 1) How do I measure success in the family? 2) What does accomplishment and productivity look like to me? 3) What can I begin learning right now?

Words of Wisdom: “Relationship is the production of a home.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works.” (Hebrews 10:24 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 20, 2018

Fred and Mary Alice hosted Thanksgiving in their home for the family. Cultivating gratitude was a primary goal for them. They encouraged the sharing of thankfulness around the table. And then Fred would pray, bringing everyone before the throne of God. Fred’s writings are particularly poignant because they reflect emotional and spiritual discipline after being bed-bound and on dialysis 3 days a week.

BWF carries on the tradition of appreciation. Your support is deeply recognized. How much you mean to the ongoing work of the ministry. We pray your Thanksgiving Day brings great peace.

Personal Day of Thanksgiving

For quite a long time I believed gratitude was one of the strong antidotes for depression. Consequently, when I woke up at 3:00 one Tuesday morning feeling frustrated and going into depression from my immobilized and restricted condition, I knew I would be awake for hours longer. And I knew I had to get control of and change my mood.

Casting about for a workable idea, I thought about a day dedicated to thanksgiving. Because Tuesdays were spent recovering from dialysis with little or no mobility, I decided this would be the day. It was to be all day, so I had to plan out the time to make the most effective use. I set up five major categories:

1) Spiritual – I recounted my assurance of God’s love and His salvation. Then I thought of the many exhilarating experience I have had through the Spirit, including the people and places connected with these experiences. Next I thought of heaven and named all those who went on before, expressing gratitude for my time with each and remembering their effect on me.

2) Intellectual stimulation – I reviewed all the interesting thoughts I have been given through people, books, and other periodicals.

3) Responsibilities – I listed the website (breakfastwithfred.com), Saturday morning Fred in the Bed sessions, teleconference calls, and personal visits. I am particularly thankful for these opportunities because even bed-bound I can be useful and there is nothing better.

4) Environment – I expressed appreciation for a healthy atmosphere which supports this sick body, including the physical elements of pictures, music, and supportive care.

5) Relationships – I recognized the freshness of the Spirit coursing through my family and friends as they keep me in the flow and “in the loop.”

Some of my friends have been intensely interested in this idea. I reminded them it is a FULL DAY. Several of them thought they could cover it in 30 minutes. If they diligently attempted the exercise they soon realized the breadth of the endeavor.

After creating my five major categories, I broke them down and ended up with 40 sub categories. If I spent 20 minutes on each, I filled the entire day. Each time I went through them I tried to be more and more specific about the items in each. For example, when I considered spiritual experiences I thought about spiritual songs that have instructed and encouraged me. I named each one and tried to remember as many of the verses as possible.

Another example of a sub-category is hobbies. At 50 I began playing golf, not to shoot a low score, but to make a perfect shot. I only did this once when I made a hole in one without touching the green. It was a combination hobby and obsession. I ended up with 22 sets of sticks, 64 putters, and 25 wedges. I was thankful for the constant challenge. During my personal day I recounted many times of gratitude for experiences on the golf course.

Thanksgiving and gratitude should be down to the microlevel of our lives. There is no experience too small for which we can’t stop and say “thank you.”

This week of Thanksgiving carefully consider: 1) What would my personal day of thanksgiving look like? 2) How could I use this concept with my family? 3) What is my own experience with the positive effect of thanksgiving?

Words of Wisdom: “For quite a long time I believed gratitude was one of the strong antidotes for depression.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give him thanks! Praise his name!” (Psalm 100:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 3, 2018

Fred attempted to parent in the early years by seeing children as miniature adults. It took him awhile to understand the uniqueness of childhood. However, he wasloving, watchful and thoughtful as the children grew. When the grandchildren arrived he finally grasped the process and delighted in their youthfulness.

Five Points of Parenting

Admittedly, I have been a much better parent of adults than I was of small children. I am thankful for our own children and now grandchildren who are teaching me what parenting is all about. These points are definitely not a primer on the subject, but rather some observations made by others and one principle that has worked for me. I hope you find them helpful.

1) A young father with a strong-willed five year old son told me, “My challenge is to transfer the control by me to my son’s control of himself.” This is so much better and so much more than merely controlling the child’s behavior. He is parenting in the highest sense.

2) When a parent with a gifted child who seemed to purposefully fail consulted an experienced psychiatrist he received this counsel: “It is important to know whether the child gets attention (and is connected to you) through achievement or non-achievement. Does the child want your sympathy for failure or approval for achievement? If the bond is the negative model then praise for productivity will fail. Conversely, if the bond is through achievement constant criticism will be destructive.

3) One of my favorite psychiatrists told me anyone who looks to me as a father figure must know two things: 1) what makes papa smile and 2) what makes papa frown. This works in parenting, mentoring, and management. The responsibility of the father figure is to remain consistent to avoid confusion through mixed signals and messages.

4) A well-known comedian was interviewed about his views on parenting. He quickly threw out this line: “Choose when you want your kids to hate you.” He expanded by saying, “Give them everything they want as a child and they will hate you as adults; give them everything they need to become great adults and they will hate you as children – your choice.”

5) One of the best thoughts that I had on parenting came as I considered the transition between child an adult. When the child is young the parent is responsible for control and exercises power (as the father of the five year old pointed out to me). As the child moves into adulthood the relationship changes. Therefore, the good parent changes from power figure to wisdom figure. The movement is child seeking wisdom from parent rather than the parent wielding power and control over the child. One of the great joys of parenting adult children is seeing the mutual mentoring occur. We now share a common desire to help each other grow.

Think carefully about: 1) Which of these points really hits home for me this week? 2) How can I become a more effective parent or grandparent by focusing on these principles? 3) Who can I encourage in their parenting this week?

Words of Wisdom: “One of the great joys of parenting adult children is seeing the mutual mentoring occur. We now share a common desire to help each other grow.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Children’s children are a crown to the aged and parents are the pride of their parents.” (Proverbs 17:6 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 12, 2018

Fred enjoyed the mutuality of friendship and the benefits of stimulating thought. He assembled a group for a weekend of conversation – no agenda, just interesting people with the ability to prompt interchange. As a follow-up he asked them to send thoughts, articles, or other correspondence to each of the others. He called them “The twenty-five.” This week’s thought is one of his offerings based on a visit to the new home of a longtime friend.

Fall is coming for the What’s Next Roundtable. Please continue praying for these conversation and connection times with college students in three states. We appreciate your support through encouraging words, prayer, and financial gifts. Thank you for standing with us.

What is a Home?

1. A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.” No “yellowing of the leaves” happening to the leaves of love.

2. There must be a natural place to eat and talk – an atmosphere, not necessarily a designated space.

3. There should be a selection of spots for conversation, both large and small. There should also be an outside place where the greater work of God joins with the handiwork of man giving an extra dimension.

4. If possible, an extra space for guests which they can make their own without interrupting the natural flow of the house. To have a place where guests sleep is good, but giving them a space to read, listen to music, think about the day, and relax in the bathtub.

5. A house should be functional, for after all it is not a display but a happiness factory for those who live in it. It’s basic raison d’etre is utility for people. It exists to provide those who live there the ability to accomplish their goals without inflating their egos to their detriment.

6. A home should be a place where things worth doing occur.

7. A home should have a sense of beauty, no matter what its size. It must appreciate, not depreciate the environment. It must give warmth and comfort showing the beauty of hospitality.

8. A home is not an investment in money alone, but in living. It should never be primarily viewed as a good financial decision. A home should have the quality of a nest with the occupants nestled down for the foreseeable future. It can be a wise financial consideration, but it should always be thought of as the place for family to live and prosper.

9. One practical note: the mortgage should be as small as possible so financial pressures don’t pollute the environment. The full enjoyment of relational growth and connection should be the focus, not the worries of satisfying creditors.

10. A home should represent the cradle of relationships with family, friends, and Christ.

This week think about: 1) How is my home creating and development peace and harmony? 2) What can I do this week to encourage connection in my home? 3) When do I feel most satisfied in my home?

Words of Wisdom: A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, ‘Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.’” (Luke 19:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2017

Fred was not “ooky-gooky,” as he was fond of saying. He was raised in a generation which expressed love through action more than words. His dedication to his family, his friends, and the body of Christ never veered off course. His fidelity and devotion to integrity became guiding lights.

Love and Life

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives when there is often little to bring rejoicing. But we enjoy being loved so much we sometimes forget the responsibilities of being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living. I am convinced recognizing and understanding the value of love is a great part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed (and probably ornery) to give up and die, but I think the real reason for my zeal is the belief that I can contribute and that I am loved.

Doctors have told me many old people are said to die of “natural causes,” when in truth they actually die from loneliness – or a broken heart. There is actually medical research to show the connection between the emotional and physical condition. People can decide to give up life. Conversely, there is proof that those who receive loving care can sustain life beyond expectations. There was a study done to show the difference between patients who were prayed for and loved versus those who were left alone.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, the finest offering we can make to others is our love. And this is the love which is more than touchy-feely words. This is the love which C.S. Lewis defined as “wanting the best for the other.” Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given. One of the great lessons I have learned in my incapacitation is that I can love and be loved, regardless of my abilities.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words. One of my favorite times of day is when my daughter who cares for me comes in, pats me on the arms, kisses me o the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning.” When I was pronounced dying, she said to the medical staff, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” And so far, she has been right!

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven I still celebrate Valentine’s Day… for her. And every day I can celebrate the truth of God’s love. He sent us a Valentine that would last forever – the “I love you” from Christ.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am loved? 2) What motivates me to love others? 3) When is love most real in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord your God will also cleanse your heart and the hearts of your descendants so that you may love him with all your mind and being and so that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6 NET Bible)