Weekly Thought – October 13, 2020

Fred loved to eat. In his early life he won a chicken eating contest. He was affectionately known as Fat Fred. Years later he modified his habits moderate, but food continued to delight him. A good friend, Ed Yates, faithfully provided him with pies he made especially for Fred. After dialysis he enjoyed slices of Ed’s gifts. Fred loved thinking about the faith journey from unusual vantage points. This week he discourses on the comparison of food and worship styles.

Bread of Life

The analogy between spiritual and physical eating interests me.

Eating habits and style begin early. My family growing up was happy just to have food and the number of forks was irrelevant. Style definitely took a back seat to execution. However, I have some fine Southern friends who believe food cannot be consumed without proper form. Clarence Darrow in his law practice was the great defender of the outcast and downtrodden, but was heard saying. “I will do anything for the common man except eat with him.”

It occurs to me our churchgoing is similar to our eating habits.

Some are gourmets who can only enjoy food if it is expensive, perfectly presented, and consumed in the finest environments. They have cultivated tastes and dignified demeanors. The food must satisfy more than their need for food – it must satisfy their aesthetic sensibilities. Likewise we have members of the Body of Christ who require surroundings and manner of service to satisfy their understanding of worship. The value of the spiritual feeding depends on the environment.

We also have those who insist everything be done in dignity. Decorum is a core value. The surroundings may be less formal, but propriety and proportion are key. They never overeat nor engage in excessive table discussion. Their manners are beyond reproach and their tastes are well-ordered.

Then we have the “all you can eat.” Dinner on the ground crowd. The room is abuzz with conversation. The quality and quantity of the food far exceeds the importance of the serving style. My experience these folks want all their friends to know about the food and how to get a place at the table.

As a born and bred Southern Baptist I can tell you I believe them to be the “chicken eating, share the love of Jesus” group. I will leave the identification of the others to your personal observation.

I once visited a church to hear a friend speak. Unaware of the exact service time I arrived early, entered a totally empty, beautifully appointed stone sanctuary. I picked a convenient aisle seat and enjoyed my time alone in this magnificent edifice. Shortly, an elderly woman came in and nearly sat on my lap in this vacant room. After a few uncomfortable minutes, I asked, “Am I sitting in your seat?” “Yes, our family has occupied these seats for decades.” She is a woman of tradition and decorum and I had violated her “church eating rules.” She would be uncomfortable at my potluck church, but we both desired to be fed.

It is too easy to turn up our noses at those who eat differently, physically or spiritually. A formal service may provide me an experience that a good old Sunday evening song service might not. And the generous serving of the Gospel could bring nutrition to the gourmet churchgoer.

Food is sometimes a luxury, often a joy, and always a necessity. When we know others are eating, we should be thankful they are being nourished.

And bottom line: the focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder bread.

This week think about: 1) Is worship style a matter of principle or preference? 2) How can I live in unity with other communities of faith? 3) What does being an agent of peace look like for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder Bread.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV)

Weekly Thought – August 27, 2019

Fred studied for a lifetime. Although he was unable to attend college, lacking the necessary funding, he embodied “life long learner.” He and Mary Alice believed in higher education providing a way for their three children to each have undergraduate and graduate degrees. He committed himself to getting older, but never old. His mind stayed sharp until the closing hours as his body shut down. Ever the student, he concentrated on human relations, even his own family.

BWFLI is in the final planning stages for the What’s Next Roundtable at Palm Beach University in November. Please keep the team in your prayers. We see more than ever the importance of building into the lives of our Christian colleges and universities. Your financial support is greatly appreciated.

Defining Production

As a business executive I focus heavily on production. When I was young and growing in the corporation I learned about manufacturing. Later in life when I started the food packaging brokerage I employed many of the principles learned at an early age in shoe and apparel plants.

For most of my business life I have clearly understood “results are the only excuse for activity.” Accomplishment and productivity are my yardstick.

At 60 I experienced a tremendous shift in my thinking. I began learning how to define productivity in the family. That sounds strange, doesn’t it?

Our son pointed out to me my philosophy of management worked well in the office, but not so well at home. “You run the family like you run the business. You are the President and CEO. Mom serves as Vice President (with a direct line of report to you) and each of the kids has a job description.”

It never occurred to me that the family didn’t run that way. Business consultants talk about “metrics and measurements.” I completely understood that. What I totally missed and misunderstood was the outcome desired for the family. I realized my learning about this was just beginning.

Providing, spiritually leading, creating a stimulating environment – all these were in “my wheelhouse,” as the young ones say. I failed to stop and properly evaluate the genuine outcome.

After several years of arduous study and yes, struggle, I came to this conclusion: the production of the family is relationship. I am doing my best to change, but it is very difficult. All of your reflexes, all your habits, all your thought patters, all your experiences have been under a different system and its almost like a spiritual conversion. You have to become a new person.

I felt very vulnerable during this process. I encountered new experiences, made new decisions – all without the years I had with the old “run it like a business model.” I took the “by appointment only” attitude and replaced it with a desire to be part of the family. I have to admit I have yet to come to the point of sitting down and watching TV, but I no longer cluck my tongue as I pass through the room on the way to my study to do “serious work.”

Interestingly, our grandchildren were the first to notice – and benefit. They recognized I valued being with them, not just instructing, or leading from the top of the org chart.

I haven’t given up the burning desire for productivity, but I have redefined it. Relationship is now the desired outcome.

This week think about: 1) How do I measure success in the family? 2) What does accomplishment and productivity look like to me? 3) What can I begin learning right now?

Words of Wisdom: “Relationship is the production of a home.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works.” (Hebrews 10:24 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 20, 2018

Fred and Mary Alice hosted Thanksgiving in their home for the family. Cultivating gratitude was a primary goal for them. They encouraged the sharing of thankfulness around the table. And then Fred would pray, bringing everyone before the throne of God. Fred’s writings are particularly poignant because they reflect emotional and spiritual discipline after being bed-bound and on dialysis 3 days a week.

BWF carries on the tradition of appreciation. Your support is deeply recognized. How much you mean to the ongoing work of the ministry. We pray your Thanksgiving Day brings great peace.

Personal Day of Thanksgiving

For quite a long time I believed gratitude was one of the strong antidotes for depression. Consequently, when I woke up at 3:00 one Tuesday morning feeling frustrated and going into depression from my immobilized and restricted condition, I knew I would be awake for hours longer. And I knew I had to get control of and change my mood.

Casting about for a workable idea, I thought about a day dedicated to thanksgiving. Because Tuesdays were spent recovering from dialysis with little or no mobility, I decided this would be the day. It was to be all day, so I had to plan out the time to make the most effective use. I set up five major categories:

1) Spiritual – I recounted my assurance of God’s love and His salvation. Then I thought of the many exhilarating experience I have had through the Spirit, including the people and places connected with these experiences. Next I thought of heaven and named all those who went on before, expressing gratitude for my time with each and remembering their effect on me.

2) Intellectual stimulation – I reviewed all the interesting thoughts I have been given through people, books, and other periodicals.

3) Responsibilities – I listed the website (breakfastwithfred.com), Saturday morning Fred in the Bed sessions, teleconference calls, and personal visits. I am particularly thankful for these opportunities because even bed-bound I can be useful and there is nothing better.

4) Environment – I expressed appreciation for a healthy atmosphere which supports this sick body, including the physical elements of pictures, music, and supportive care.

5) Relationships – I recognized the freshness of the Spirit coursing through my family and friends as they keep me in the flow and “in the loop.”

Some of my friends have been intensely interested in this idea. I reminded them it is a FULL DAY. Several of them thought they could cover it in 30 minutes. If they diligently attempted the exercise they soon realized the breadth of the endeavor.

After creating my five major categories, I broke them down and ended up with 40 sub categories. If I spent 20 minutes on each, I filled the entire day. Each time I went through them I tried to be more and more specific about the items in each. For example, when I considered spiritual experiences I thought about spiritual songs that have instructed and encouraged me. I named each one and tried to remember as many of the verses as possible.

Another example of a sub-category is hobbies. At 50 I began playing golf, not to shoot a low score, but to make a perfect shot. I only did this once when I made a hole in one without touching the green. It was a combination hobby and obsession. I ended up with 22 sets of sticks, 64 putters, and 25 wedges. I was thankful for the constant challenge. During my personal day I recounted many times of gratitude for experiences on the golf course.

Thanksgiving and gratitude should be down to the microlevel of our lives. There is no experience too small for which we can’t stop and say “thank you.”

This week of Thanksgiving carefully consider: 1) What would my personal day of thanksgiving look like? 2) How could I use this concept with my family? 3) What is my own experience with the positive effect of thanksgiving?

Words of Wisdom: “For quite a long time I believed gratitude was one of the strong antidotes for depression.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give him thanks! Praise his name!” (Psalm 100:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 3, 2018

Fred attempted to parent in the early years by seeing children as miniature adults. It took him awhile to understand the uniqueness of childhood. However, he wasloving, watchful and thoughtful as the children grew. When the grandchildren arrived he finally grasped the process and delighted in their youthfulness.

Five Points of Parenting

Admittedly, I have been a much better parent of adults than I was of small children. I am thankful for our own children and now grandchildren who are teaching me what parenting is all about. These points are definitely not a primer on the subject, but rather some observations made by others and one principle that has worked for me. I hope you find them helpful.

1) A young father with a strong-willed five year old son told me, “My challenge is to transfer the control by me to my son’s control of himself.” This is so much better and so much more than merely controlling the child’s behavior. He is parenting in the highest sense.

2) When a parent with a gifted child who seemed to purposefully fail consulted an experienced psychiatrist he received this counsel: “It is important to know whether the child gets attention (and is connected to you) through achievement or non-achievement. Does the child want your sympathy for failure or approval for achievement? If the bond is the negative model then praise for productivity will fail. Conversely, if the bond is through achievement constant criticism will be destructive.

3) One of my favorite psychiatrists told me anyone who looks to me as a father figure must know two things: 1) what makes papa smile and 2) what makes papa frown. This works in parenting, mentoring, and management. The responsibility of the father figure is to remain consistent to avoid confusion through mixed signals and messages.

4) A well-known comedian was interviewed about his views on parenting. He quickly threw out this line: “Choose when you want your kids to hate you.” He expanded by saying, “Give them everything they want as a child and they will hate you as adults; give them everything they need to become great adults and they will hate you as children – your choice.”

5) One of the best thoughts that I had on parenting came as I considered the transition between child an adult. When the child is young the parent is responsible for control and exercises power (as the father of the five year old pointed out to me). As the child moves into adulthood the relationship changes. Therefore, the good parent changes from power figure to wisdom figure. The movement is child seeking wisdom from parent rather than the parent wielding power and control over the child. One of the great joys of parenting adult children is seeing the mutual mentoring occur. We now share a common desire to help each other grow.

Think carefully about: 1) Which of these points really hits home for me this week? 2) How can I become a more effective parent or grandparent by focusing on these principles? 3) Who can I encourage in their parenting this week?

Words of Wisdom: “One of the great joys of parenting adult children is seeing the mutual mentoring occur. We now share a common desire to help each other grow.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Children’s children are a crown to the aged and parents are the pride of their parents.” (Proverbs 17:6 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 12, 2018

Fred enjoyed the mutuality of friendship and the benefits of stimulating thought. He assembled a group for a weekend of conversation – no agenda, just interesting people with the ability to prompt interchange. As a follow-up he asked them to send thoughts, articles, or other correspondence to each of the others. He called them “The twenty-five.” This week’s thought is one of his offerings based on a visit to the new home of a longtime friend.

Fall is coming for the What’s Next Roundtable. Please continue praying for these conversation and connection times with college students in three states. We appreciate your support through encouraging words, prayer, and financial gifts. Thank you for standing with us.

What is a Home?

1. A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.” No “yellowing of the leaves” happening to the leaves of love.

2. There must be a natural place to eat and talk – an atmosphere, not necessarily a designated space.

3. There should be a selection of spots for conversation, both large and small. There should also be an outside place where the greater work of God joins with the handiwork of man giving an extra dimension.

4. If possible, an extra space for guests which they can make their own without interrupting the natural flow of the house. To have a place where guests sleep is good, but giving them a space to read, listen to music, think about the day, and relax in the bathtub.

5. A house should be functional, for after all it is not a display but a happiness factory for those who live in it. It’s basic raison d’etre is utility for people. It exists to provide those who live there the ability to accomplish their goals without inflating their egos to their detriment.

6. A home should be a place where things worth doing occur.

7. A home should have a sense of beauty, no matter what its size. It must appreciate, not depreciate the environment. It must give warmth and comfort showing the beauty of hospitality.

8. A home is not an investment in money alone, but in living. It should never be primarily viewed as a good financial decision. A home should have the quality of a nest with the occupants nestled down for the foreseeable future. It can be a wise financial consideration, but it should always be thought of as the place for family to live and prosper.

9. One practical note: the mortgage should be as small as possible so financial pressures don’t pollute the environment. The full enjoyment of relational growth and connection should be the focus, not the worries of satisfying creditors.

10. A home should represent the cradle of relationships with family, friends, and Christ.

This week think about: 1) How is my home creating and development peace and harmony? 2) What can I do this week to encourage connection in my home? 3) When do I feel most satisfied in my home?

Words of Wisdom: A home is a place to grow older together happily knowing “the best is yet to be.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, ‘Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.’” (Luke 19:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2017

Fred was not “ooky-gooky,” as he was fond of saying. He was raised in a generation which expressed love through action more than words. His dedication to his family, his friends, and the body of Christ never veered off course. His fidelity and devotion to integrity became guiding lights.

Love and Life

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives when there is often little to bring rejoicing. But we enjoy being loved so much we sometimes forget the responsibilities of being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living. I am convinced recognizing and understanding the value of love is a great part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed (and probably ornery) to give up and die, but I think the real reason for my zeal is the belief that I can contribute and that I am loved.

Doctors have told me many old people are said to die of “natural causes,” when in truth they actually die from loneliness – or a broken heart. There is actually medical research to show the connection between the emotional and physical condition. People can decide to give up life. Conversely, there is proof that those who receive loving care can sustain life beyond expectations. There was a study done to show the difference between patients who were prayed for and loved versus those who were left alone.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, the finest offering we can make to others is our love. And this is the love which is more than touchy-feely words. This is the love which C.S. Lewis defined as “wanting the best for the other.” Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given. One of the great lessons I have learned in my incapacitation is that I can love and be loved, regardless of my abilities.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words. One of my favorite times of day is when my daughter who cares for me comes in, pats me on the arms, kisses me o the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning.” When I was pronounced dying, she said to the medical staff, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” And so far, she has been right!

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven I still celebrate Valentine’s Day… for her. And every day I can celebrate the truth of God’s love. He sent us a Valentine that would last forever – the “I love you” from Christ.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am loved? 2) What motivates me to love others? 3) When is love most real in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord your God will also cleanse your heart and the hearts of your descendants so that you may love him with all your mind and being and so that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 13, 2016

Fred and Mary Alice were married for 67 years. A few weeks before her death, she reached her hand through the rails on her hospital bed to hold his. She leaned over and said, “You are a good looking boy!” The love lasted.

Loving and Living

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives even when there is little to make us rejoice. We appreciate being loved so much that we sometimes forget the responsibility that comes with being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living, and I am convinced understanding the value of love is a tremendous part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed to die, but I believe the realization I can contribute and I am loved gives me purpose.

Doctors say that many old people who “die of natural causes” really die of loneliness. Current medical research shows we can literally die of broken hearts. Conversely, studies show people who receive care and prayer tend to live longer and richer lives than those who don’t.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, so our greatest gift to one another should be our love for others – and for Him. Love does not need to be earned; it is given. It should be freely received. And so, no matter how incapacitated we are, we can still experience being loved – and giving love.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words of love. One of my favorite times at the end of the day is when daughter Brenda comes in, pats me on the arm, kisses me on the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning,” When I was pronounced “dying,” by my doctors she said, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” That is exactly what happened. There is power in love.

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven, I still celebrate Valentine’s Day – for her. When she died I realized she created a stronger magnetic draw toward heaven. I decided that when I die I don’t want my children and other family members to feel loss because they need me, but to know they love me. That is the best there is.

This week think about: 1) Who needs to hear “I love you” this week? 2) What makes me feel loved? 3) How sure am I that God loves me?

Words of Wisdom: “And so, no matter how incapacitated we are, we can still experience being loved – and giving love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We love because he loved us first.” (1 John 4:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 5, 2016

Fred liked to quote C. S. Lewis’ definition of love: wanting the best for another. He recognized the sacrificial nature when making this decision. He used to say he wasn’t very “oooky gooky” (yes, believe it or not – he used those words) about feelings, but he was outstanding in showing love.

Please continue to pray for our Christian colleges and universities. They are under tremendous pressure to step away from foundational beliefs. Hold them up! And as BWFLI plans for the fall events, your prayer support is greatly appreciated.

Protected By Love

I served on a corporate board with a strong Christian lady who testified she grew up with friends who lived “on the wild side.” Her sister advised her to avoid dangerous behavior, fearing what her father would do to her. She responded, “I am not choosing against immorality because I’m afraid of what he will do to me. But I am choosing because of what it would do to him. I know he truly loves me.”

Another friend told how her mother died when she was a young child. Her relatives told her how much her mother regretted that she wouldn’t live to see her daughter grow up. They also told her that her mother lived in heaven and could see everything she did. Not wanting to disappoint her mother, this woman lived an almost exemplary life. She feared not living up to her mother’s love. Children who feel loved are less likely to get into serious trouble.

Couples living together without marriage will say, “It’s nobody’s business what two consenting adults do.” This might be true if no one else loved either one of them, but that is rarely the case. Such couples are not living up to the responsibility of being loved.

I once went to Europe with a nonbelieving business associate I respected to be a philanderer. But during the entire trip he only talked of his wife and their love for each other After attending a concert at La Scala, his only remark was, “I wish she were here.” His response to her love became his strength.

I have observed that those individuals who feel Christ’s love are eager to obey His commandments. In Scripture it says, “If you love me, you will obey my commandments.” It isn’t in obedience that we know Him but we observe His commandments because we know Him and His love. It is our joy.

This week think about: 1) What does being love mean to me? 2) How do I handle the responsibility of being loved? 3) Who needs to know I love them?

Words of Wisdom: “His response to her love became his strength.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For this is the gospel message that you have heard from the beginning: that we should love one another.” (1 John 3:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 21, 2016

Fred’s legacy of wisdom continues through the influence of those he touched. One of his mentors Dr. Julian Gumperz died and was written up in the New York Times. The headline announced the passing of a man’s influence. Fred commented that the lifework and impact of Dr. Gumperz would live in him. A positive legacy is the true residual of a life well-lived.

Footprints

Lately I have been giving a great deal of thought to the difference between legacy and inheritance. It seems many of my friends are thinking about ways to leave money to their family members. Although this is admirable, I prefer to think about leaving a legacy. Legacy encompasses how to live and how to die- the passing on of one’s core values. My legacy will be my personal answer to the question: “What has been the theme of my life?”

While speaking in Las Vegas years ago I caught entertainer Ray Bolger’s act. I wanted to get the sense of who he was before I introduced him the next day at the conference. The limber-limbed dancer is best known for his role as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.
In his show he performed the signature steps of the dance greats who preceded him including Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, and Fred Astaire. His message was that they left something on the floor when they no longer danced. The close of the show was a sole spotlight focused on a stool in center stage. On it sat Bolger’s dance shoes, making the tacit expression that he, too, wanted to “leave it on the floor.”

We must carefully consider what legacy we are leaving. I am convinced inheritances often split families while legacies bond them. How many times have you seen families broken apart over money? The passing of the torch should not ignite a family fire.

It is crucial to think about the imprint we are making. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote about “leaving footprints on the sands of time.” Steve Green, the Christian musician, sings about the hope that “those who come behind us find us faithful.”

The mark we make is the rent we pay for the space we occupy on earth. Our legacy remains as long as our influence lives. It is our responsibility to make sure it is a good one. It is my hope to leave meaning more than money.

This week think about: 1) If I died today, what would be my legacy? 2) What steps am I taking today to build a legacy of meaning and faithfulness? 3) How can I communicate my life themes to others?

Words of Wisdom: “The passing of the torch should not ignite a family fire.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And entrust what you heard me say in the presence of many others as witnesses to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 28, 2014

Fred’s parents were Rev. and Mrs. M.B. Smith. They had first names, but all knew them as Brother and Mrs. Smith. His father was a Southern Baptist pastor who was known throughout the mill district of Nashville for his compassion, and love of Biblical truth. Fred believed in legacy, not inheritance… in passing on character, not riches.

This week’s thought will probably be the most unusual ever, for it isn’t written by Fred but to him – in 1948 by his Dad. It must have been prompted by Fred’s ordination as a deacon at First Baptist Church in Nashville. He mentions Mary Alice, Fred’s wife of 67 years, who would have been 99 last week. This letter from father to son is a rare find in Fred’s archives and one that teaches us much about his lineage.

Words of a Father

“Dear Fred:

I desire that you know in this personal way that I deeply appreciate you as an ordained servant of God.

The joy of a parent’s heart is the honor their children confer upon them. You have manifested a high sense of honor all your life. It is beginning to bloom out into blessed fruitage.

I am by you like Paul was by the Philippian Church, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”

It gives me peculiar pleasure to welcome you into the ranks of the ordained of the Lord. I feel confident you will be faithful until death.

I deeply appreciate the letters and literature you send as related to the YOUTH FOR CHRIST MOVEMENT. It gives me insight to the work of the Master as it is related to our Young People. (more…)