Brenda’s Blog – January 11, 2021

“HALT!”

Jack Turpin’s open to his Sunday School lesson got our attention. He continued: “Don’t ever make a life altering decision if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” That was twenty-five years ago and it is still vividly imprinted on my mind.

Little did I know how often I would repeat that command to myself. Even more valuable were the numerous opportunities I had in my management career to pass along the admonition to others. During a particularly difficult time I shared my frustration with a fellow HALTer. As I expressed the desire to walk away he stopped me with an upraised hand in my face followed by “Brenda, HALT!!” That was just what I needed to clear my mind and reset the decision process.

Rarely am I ever truly hungry – we are a culture blessed with abundance. But diverting my work energy and making my way to a Snickers candy bar can reduce my wise decision skills!

Angry is a tough one. Depression is often described as anger turned inward. Decisions made with black clouds hanging overhead are often destructive. The Bible tells us to never let the sun go down on our anger. How wise!

Jack Turpin, the wise mentor, and my Dad were dear friends. At one point when Dad was seriously declining, Jack came to sit by Dad’s bed. Two years earlier he suffered the painful loss of his precious wife. As I walked him to the hospital elevator we talked about HALT. “L is the worst, isn’t it?” I nodded in total agreement. It is a challenge to avoid flawed decisions when we are covered by loneliness.

And tired – oh, how I know the cost of making a last minute, little thought decision because I was weary. A good friend once counseled me to delay any critical projects until mornings. “You will always do better putting the work away and starting in the morning. Staying up all night will just deter the successful completion. You aren’t helping yourself by pushing beyond tired.”

Try it – focus yourself on the discipline to check your attitude and condition before making a life altering decision. It will pay off.

Brenda’s Blog – December 28, 2021

When the TV Barn Builder crew erects a log structure they lift the final log and the team leader yells out, “LAST LOG!” It is their traditional acknowledgement of completion.

Friday I attended the memorial service for a long time friend. Afterwards, my family asked, “What do you want for your service?” “Mom, please send me an outline so I know what you want,” responded my pastor son who will conduct the service (hopefully not in the near future).

As twenty somethings we attended weddings, taking notes for our own nuptials; then we became parents of daughters looking for ideas as we sat through more friends’ events than we could count; and at this age and stage we say goodbye to friends while focusing on features for our own service.

I hear people say, “Oh, I don’t care what the family does.” I disagree – I do care! It is my final opportunity to share my faith in Jesus. It is not a time to sanitize, creating an unrealistic image. My Dad was given many awards in his latter years. He was gracious as he received them, but in private conversation would say, “I wish I had known that man.”

What do you want people to hear about you? Who do you want to participate? What music do you want? Why? It is a good exercise. As you do that, why not consider your own obituary and epitaph? These expressions give direction while we are still alive… they shine a light on who we want to be – and be remembered. It gives impetus to stronger purpose.

Writers often include a PS known as “Last Words.” It provides summary, action charges, and goodbyes to the audience who has motivated the author during the creative process.

I challenge you to think of the projects in your life, implementing the “last log!” cheer. And, I urge you to organize your own memorial service, making it easier for your family, and giving you a platform to reflect your last words.

Brenda’s Blog – December 14, 2021

“I didn’t know I could be pretty.”

These words spoken by a college woman exploded in my heart. As part of our Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute program we offered makeover instruction by Kat Van Dusen, a Mary Kay director. In the planning stages the college planning group told me their women wouldn’t be interested, but agreed to offer the afterhours option. Don’t expect more than four or five attendees, they recommended. Kat prepared for 20 believing in what God called her to do.

Forty women jammed into the room! Kat masterfully led them through makeup lessons while delivering principles of who we are as women in Christ Jesus. Their attention was on both the cosmetics and the Christology!

I sat on the side, listening and watching – and praising God for what was happening in that room. The Spirit of God was truly at work.

At the end, Kat passed little mirrors around the table, enabling each participant to catch their post-makeover reflection. Lots of oohs, and aahs (which was expected). Then then power appeared.

The last woman to receive the mirror glanced, put it down, and began crying. “I didn’t know I could be pretty.” There was a holy hush which permeated the entire space. We all knew the glory of God had fallen. She said she had always accepted the fact that she was plain without any hope of being pretty. Makeup was not used because she thought it was for “the pretty girls.”

The magic was not in the makeup, but in the moment of discovery. She did not exchange the beauty of Jesus for the world’s charm. No! But she no longer bought into the world’s message, either. She heard Kat’s words about who we are in Christ certainly. She also felt the loving touch of a woman whose career is centered on Jesus and encouragement.

Brenda’s Blog – November 30, 2021

“We’re going to practice until the congregation is totally relaxed thinking how easy the music is.” The choir director went over and over a most difficult passage with the goal of its looking easy. Dad used to tell me the sign of a professional is in the art of making it look simple. “You don’t want anyone to think you are struggling.”

“Don’t ever let them see you sweat” was a popular byword years ago. It was an admonition to keep one’s cool.

Nathaniel Hawthorn, early New England author, put it bluntly and succinctly: “Easy reading; hard writing.” Giving life to a thought is similar to birth… from conception to delivery is a process requiring inspiration, effort, and even pain.

A wise leader of industry once advised, “Show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.” Most people have no interest in the complete rehashing of the creative process, but prefer to view the outcome. But we must commit to the entire process, right? The delivery, even the pain, has a distinct purpose and its own beauty.

We are called to excellence and a key element is the ability to produce and perform seamlessly. It takes work, but how pleasing it can be to all, including ourselves. Practicing to the point of relaxed performance brings satisfaction and joy.

Let’s look at year end and see what it will take to make it look easy, finishing 2021 well.

Brenda’s Blog – November 16, 2021

“I don’t think I can cry anymore.” Her words flowed from a heart broken by extreme circumstances.

“May I tell you about my tears?” was my response. She nodded and I began telling her of a failed marriage, estranged relationships with children, as well as drug addicted and incarcerated grandchildren. Yes, there were times during those years when I thought no tears would ever return – I was emotionally arid.

Then I remembered a small verse in Psalm 56 that told me my Father God sops up my tears, and puts them in a bottle. At some point the thought occurred to me those tears weren’t just stored, but transformed through divine alchemy into anointing oil, and a healing balm. For what purpose?

For that day when someone calls describing her excruciating pain, wondering if I had time to talk. After listening and watching her wipe her tears, there is a holy hush… a sacred silence. She is afraid she has said too much, or shared something I couldn’t imagine experiencing. That is the time the Lord brings out the bottle.

The tears I shed over the years have turned into the most precious of oils, the sweetest of fragrances, and the exact balm she needs. My tears have been saved in order to bring ministry.

The mystery and marvel of His bottle is the way He captures diverse tears from all manner of wounds. He prepares each of our bottles for those who will appear needing the anointing oil. We are all to share in this glorious transformation as we point to the beauty of our sufferings which are used for others.

Praise God that sad, wet droplets or tumultuous, chest-shaking sobs are all gathered by His loving hand with purpose and hope. We are privileged to share in the comforting work of the Spirit as we pour out our bottles in worship and love.

Brenda’s Blog – November 2, 2021

“The storms come, the wind blows, but we are protected.”

Driving through the Midwest, I passed acres of open farmland. Seeming out of place were stands of tall trees surrounding a well-hidden homestead. They are spaced too closely to be part of a landscaping plan. What purpose do these trees serve? Why would anyone plant a box of pines?

Then the wind blows and I understand. They are a wind break – they shield the house from the storms which cross the fields. They secure the structure and the family from devastating weather.

Notable are the height of the trees and the layout. They are not random, nor scrawny. No mesquite trees, or fragile dogwoods surround the homes… the owners planted stout, robust hardwoods and pines. They were spaced “shoulder to shoulder” almost like an army of soldiers with their shields connected one to another.

Clearly they were planted generations ago. Their legacy stands as a lesson in preparation, protection, and provision. During each storm the current owners appreciate the foresight and gift of forefathers who probably dug holes by hand to guard against the storms.

What are you doing right now to create a wind shield for those coming behind? And how are you bolstering your own wall of strength to withstand your storms of daily living? Think of the wind shields you build into your life… faith, family relationships, friends, and financial savings.

When I turned 30 my Dad sent me a short note with these words attached to an article on the third decade: “thankful you have an anchor that holds.” The author described the changes in the thirties as rocky and turbulent – stormy times. Dad knew my anchor was Jesus Christ. He also knew I had a wind break built around my life which would hold against the gales.

Brenda’s Blog – October 19, 2021

“Remember who you are, where you are from, and what you represent.”

Our parents adopted this phrase as a farewell admonition when we were children, especially our Mom. I can still see her standing at the door as we left for school (walking, of course, in those days!) smiling and speaking these words.

Years later they still ring true. They encapsulate a fundamental trio of principles which are critical to healthy living.

In trying to pass this on to my children I was amused by my son who asked innocently “Mom, what do we represent?” A profound query, isn’t it?

In today’s fluid, floundering world these three “remembrances” erect a foundation for stability.

Who you are – I am a child of God, daughter of the King who was created with purpose and intention. I have gifts to be used in the body of Christ and skills/talents which are to be used for the good of all. I am a woman designed to live out His plan for me. As a child I could always say “I am the daughter of Fred and Mary Alice Smith.” That spoke volumes about the expectations, responsibilities, and joys.

Where you are from – This usually had a geographical answer, but it was deeper than that. I was from a family who valued integrity, faith, and responsibility. I am from the heart of my parents with their hopes for me to be a productive woman. As I aged I could look at all my experiences, travels, and relationships with an eye to defining them as part of the answer. Every chapter of my book was illustrated with my “where I am from” stories.

What you represent – This one puzzled us as children. But as we grew it became the most important of the three. We represented our family, our faith, and our work. We strove for reputations that preceded us with pride and honor. We wanted to be thought of as men and women who cherished the right and stood for the true. We represent the Lord Jesus Christ and in addition, our country, our church, and our communities. We represent those who are interested in discovery, curious about life, and eager for adventures. We want to represent the grateful who seek to grow.

Think about your answers and perhaps consider challenging your friends and family to respond.

Brenda’s Blog – October 5, 2021

“I am a really good shopper. The grocery bill was only $5.85!”

In 1966 I was a newly wed finishing college and living with my husband in an $80/month apartment. On weekends we traveled thirty miles to my husband’s home where we did the week’s wash, ate his Mom’s tremendous meals, and did the weekly shopping at his Dad’s grocery store on the midwestern town’s square.

Getting home with bags of staples, fresh vegetables, and meat I proudly boasted about my shopping expertise. What an extraordinary gift I had for stretching our student budget.

Each week Grandpa would rush to the cash register when I completed the list and check me out. I loved seeing how expertly I managed our money.

One Saturday morning the store was particularly busy and he was tied up behind the meat counter. One of the friendly young women who worked up front stepped over and checked me out – much to my dismay! How in the world could a similar shopping list cost at least four times the ordinary Saturday amount?

It was literally years before it dawned on me Grandpa was the miracle worker on those Saturday shopping trips. I wasn’t superior – he was absorbing 3 out of 4 items in the cart. He humbly listened to my bragging without saying a critical word. He continued to give me his loving deep discount without criticism.

I was the receiver and beneficiary of his grace and generosity.

I don’t think I ever told him or thanked him.

Who has shown grace to you? Who has silently showered blessings on you? Consider those times when you were the recipient of another’s graciousness.

If a lightbulb goes off like it did for me, stop and thank the person right away. Then become the grace giver for another without a desire for repayment, or recognition.

If Grandpa were still alive I would so love to hug him in appreciation. He taught me a lesson over 50 years ago in Johnstown, Ohio. What a blessing!

Brenda’s Blog – September 21, 2021

“I wish I had known your Dad.”

We Smith children hear that a lot after people read Dad’s writings. His wisdom and principle-based thinking still impact people years after his death.

My answer is usually “If you know me or my siblings, then you do know Dad.” His influence permeates our thinking.

We have an excellent Biblical example in David and Solomon. They were both writers who expressed their belief systems – one in a lyrical format; the other in wisdom sayings. David’s Psalm 37:5 says “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Solomon’s admonition in Proverbs 3:5-7 reflects the influence of his father: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge him. And he will make straight your paths.”

We hear the father in the voice of the son.

Have you ever said something and then immediately responded, “Oh, that sounds exactly like my Mom (or Dad)? We are profoundly marked by the lives of our parents, grandparents, and other significant adults during our upbringing. And now that we are the voices the younger ones hear, they are being imprinted by our words.

Who is within your sphere of influence? Who is absorbing your attitudes, your thinking, your belief system? What will their lives represent?

The Bible clearly instructs older ones to definitely speak to the younger ones about the nature of God – His faithfulness, His goodness, and His mighty works. We have our marching orders as elders to implant the truths of scripture, not backing away or neglecting our responsibility.

When somebody says to me, “That sounds just like your Dad,” I smile. My greatest hope is to sound like my heavenly Father.

Brenda’s Blog – September 7, 2021

Psychologists determined women speak 20,000 words a day while men use only 7,000.

One of the downsides of aging and living alone is the inability to use anywhere near 20,000. This week I had lunch with a dear friend. We started talking at noon and finally said goodbye at 4:30. Sharing and catching up went deeper and deeper.

We laughed about being in social situations, being asked a question, and completely “overtalking,” unable to stop. My brother in law retired as a therapist. He told me of a strategy he developed for women (like me) who find themselves turning into social chatterboxes. “When you realize you are dominating the conversation think W.A.I.T. = Why Am I Talking? This should help you put the brakes on and engage more appropriately.”

Steve Brown, of KeyLife Network, used Peter as an illustration in a recent sermon. His description tickled me. “Peter stood with Jesus, John, and Mark as Moses and Elijah appeared in person on the mountain. Where most would be speechless, not Peter. He didn’t know what to say, so HE SAID IT!”

An article by Rosario Butterfield on Christian hospitality made excellent points about building bridges with neighbors. “We all have strong beliefs and opinions, but we don’t have to say everything that is on our hearts.” Her story of coming to faith through neighbors’ kindness and hospitality emphasized the importance of measuring our words.

The same Peter who awkwardly fumbled through the miraculous appearing on the mountaintop later wrote to Jews who were driven from their home regions. “Be prepared always to give a reason for the hope that is in you.” But he didn’t advocate theological debates, finger-pointing, Bible-thumping behavior. No, he completed his thought by telling them the defense was to be with gentleness and grace.

In a world where overtalking and talking over are the conversational norms it is good to consider the value of appropriate and effective speech. Communicating with each other enables relationships to deepen, businesses to thrive, and church communities to grow. To do this we must hone our verbal skills, operating in truth and skill.