Weekly Thought – January 23, 2018

Fred grew up in the home of a Baptist pastor who emphasized the value of Biblical truth. Even though Fred did not quote “chapter and verse” when he spoke, his ideas were always principle-based. He knew how to take scripture and put it in everyday language which could be readily applied.

These mentoring questions are part of hundreds which appear on the website www.breakfastwithfred.com He was asked to give quick answers by his daughter and these pithy responses reflect his ability to distill profound subjects into manageable ideas.

Thinking Deeply

1) Do I believe that human nature is basically good or evil? Many operate from the premise human nature is fundamentally good and all that is needed for peace is education. They think sin is an anomaly and can be worked through. I believe mankind is born basically flawed whose tendency is downward with potential for upward progress. Only a Christian experience can give us the power to overcome sin. But, I don’t think we should overemphasize the downward trend, totally ignoring the upward potential.

2) How do I view bad experiences? I am known for my one-liners. For example, “wait to worry” has been quoted by speakers and writers throughout the country. Another one is “never lose the good of a bad experience.” The story of Joseph in scripture is a clear example of this principle. As his brothers recognized him, they expected retribution for their despicable treatment of him as a young man. However, he responded, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” We can never deny the reality of bad situations, but we must endure them and look for the good. And, often we need time to see the outcome and the good.

3) How do I differentiate between problems and facts of life? A simple definition I started using years ago is: “A problem is something you can do something about; a fact of life is a given.” To spend time trying to change facts of life is foolish. It is wise to focus on problems and solutions.

4) Do I drag experiences from the past into the present? Certainly the past can become a real drag on the future. The past is often checkered with human mistakes and sins. The human mistakes we can do our best to correct. The sins must be confessed and then forgiven by God. It is a difficult but worthwhile discipline to view our past this way. The Apostle Paul gave this advice, “Forgetting the past I press forward.”

5) Do I motivate or manipulate others? Of course, the definition of each forms the answer. I have a basic rule that motivation is recognizing mutual interest and manipulation is focused only on what is to my advantage. Many times leaders will assert they are motivating, but in truth, they are manipulating for selfish purposes instead of serving the other person. I know of a writer who said he was writing a book on motivation titled, “How to get others to do what you want.” That was not motivation; that was manipulation.

This week think about: 1) What good in past bad experiences have I been missing? 2) How do I make sure I continue motivating and not manipulating? 3) What do I believe the Bible teaches about the nature of man?

Words of Wisdom: “Never lose the good of a bad experience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day.” (Genesis 50:20 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 16, 2018

Fred valued right thinking. His respect for mental clarity allowed him to live in the “current reality,” as he put it. He had no place for the wish ethic – his life focused on the work ethic in thought and action.

The 2018 BWFLI season brings events on at least four campuses. We are introducing the What’s Next Roundtable which focuses on mentoring, networking, and persevering. Fred’s writings and the experiences of our team members will deliver messages of hope and help.

Keeping Our Minds Charged

Mentoring questions asked by Fred and quick answers given by Fred in a “lightning round format.”

1) When do I have time for myself and how do I use it? Just as I want to handle my finances so I can have some discretionary income, I like to schedule myself so I can have some time to myself. Sometimes it is a walk in the park, a leisurely drive through the country, a telephone call to a friend, or a time listening to music, these provide alone time to recharge. It can be a few minutes of meditation on the blessings of God which give me that valuable time of refreshment. We must remember that recreation is to be re-creation. These moments are like stops at the gas station to fuel our car.

2) Have I accepted who I am? In order to accept ourselves we must understand how we are wired. This requires time and effort but it is a critical exercise. We must understand the specifics of our personality. This takes honesty and recognizing we tend toward fantasy, not reality. I have a uniqueness which is the piece God gave me to steward. In order to do this well, I must pay the price to study to know myself.

3) Am I realistic about the current reality? This is one of my favorite phrases. It can be general or specific. It isn’t an automatic or easy posture. It requires an objective viewpoint not an emotional one. It disallows the tendency to live in a mindset of what we wish life were. But progress isn’t made in hiding from what is. I find it is very helpful to ask a friend with a clear mind for their analysis of what I am facing. It is freeing to see life in a true perspective not colored or shadowed by false thinking.

4) Who are the authorities in my life? The Bible is my greatest and final authority. When I was inclined to reject the totality of scripture and question certain passages I stopped to think about it. What I realized was that the portions I wanted to delete were the ones which spoke to behaviors and decisions I didn’t want to agree with. I wanted to leave out the obedience sections which convicted me. An authority doesn’t consider your desire, but the reality of your need. Certain individuals are an authority figure for me because of their specialized knowledge and expertise. For example, one friend is always helpful to me in social situations. Another, is my theological touchstone for his knowledge and faith experience. One friend I respect his authority because he has great decision making abilities. An important thing to note is that although these are respected and considered authorities they have limited power. I bear the final responsibility for carrying out the issue at hand.

This week think about: 1) How do I continue to operate in the current reality? 2) Who are authorities in my network? 3) What work am I doing to further understand myself?

Words of Wisdom: “It is freeing to see life in a true perspective not colored or shadowed by false thinking.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So now Pharaoh should look for a wise and discerning man and give him authority over all the land of Egypt.” (Genesis 41:33 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 9, 2018

Fred believed in self-knowledge without diving into self-obsession. He wanted to identify his constructive strengths and his destructive weaknesses in order to optimize his giftedness. At the beginning of each year he devoted time to the review of the year past and looked forward to the year to come. His mentoring questions were one way he did self-inspection.

In this year the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute is introducing the “What’s Next Roundtable.” Students frequently answer our question: “What keeps you up at night?” with “What’s next.” Therefore, we are establishing a format to focus on mentoring, networking, and persevering – three themes of Fred which are necessary for success in taking the next steps. Please pray. And if you can, please support us financially as we develop this new endeavor.

Internal Musings

1) How do I keep my life themes clear? I find that the major themes of my life must be reviewed periodically or they slip out of my conscious memory. I keep them fresh by finding illustrations and reading articles on them. For example, I have a continual accumulation of material on communication. I am interested in all forms of communication – from body language, gestures, and verbal expressions. Also, I must review what I have learned in order to keep it.

2) What recurring dreams do I have? Strange to say, most of my recurring dreams are of the failures in my life – both the situations and individuals with whom I had poor rapport. I believe I dream in color. Rarely do I remember the details when I awaken. I try to give my subconscious mind material to work on while I am asleep. I have found this to be a helpful strategy.

3) Do I have a high need for approval? I feel blessed that my need for approval involves a few, and not the many. The approval of the few is very important and these few serve as channel markers in my journey. When speaking I pay very little attention to the applause, but am very concerned with the comments by the few whose evaluation I seek.

4) Do I prefer using persuasion or fear? Persuasion is always better for the total situation than fear. Yet some people can only be motivated into taking right action through fear. A leader must know when and how to use each.

5) When do I feel free? I feel free when I have most nearly fulfilled my responsibilities. My friend, Mason Roberts who was President of Frigidaire had this saying on his calendar: “Having done my best today, it will be easier to do better tomorrow.” This is a great expression of freedom. By the way, I have known him to get ready to leave the office, read this statement, take off his coat, finish some work, and then go out the door. He wanted to make sure he had done his best.

This week think about: 1) How do I know when I have done my best? 2) Whose opinions count for me? 3)What are my major life themes?

Words of Wisdom: “At the beginning of each year he devoted time to the review of the year past and looked forward to the year to come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 2, 2018

Fred spent every January 1st in the office (between football games and Mary Alice’s black-eyed peas and cornbread) reviewing the prior year. In addition, he made plans for the new year. He refused to make resolutions because he considered them mere restatements of what he failed to do the year before (for example, lose weight, exercise more, etc.) He set quantitative and qualitative goals. He outlined financial mileposts and relational events.

May 2018 be a year of spiritual growth, along with all other life areas. May Fred’s thoughts strengthen you. And may you join with us as we go deeper with our friends in Christian higher education to stretch and bless them.

We will continue with the mentoring questions for a while in 2018. The questions are Fred’s and the answers are his “top of mind” responses to being asked them without any preparation… wisdom on the fly!

Thinking Deeply

1) How do I handle confrontation: comfortably or not until pressure builds? I think I have a responsibility to face confrontation when it is worthwhile and needed rather than waiting until I am pressured into it. Normally, waiting is a desire to avoid rather than to accomplish. I think there are several essentials in confrontation. First, it should be in the area of my expertise. It should be given only as much at the time as the person can do something with the confrontation. I have a rule – if you want to confront, DON’T. If you have a responsibility to confront, then DO. Love, of course, is the environment for confrontation.

2) What makes me feel secure? I have found a strange thing about my security. When I feel small and humble then I feel secure. When I feel big and arrogant, then I feel insecure. It reminds me to come down to the place where I am supposed to be.

3) When do I feel like I have it all together? It is very rare for me to feel that I have all the pieces where they belong. I like Harvard professor Eric Ericson’s statement about old age. He says you have a set of core values. As you age deterioration occurs, but you keep moving it to the periphery. For example, physical abilities change, but that shouldn’t affect the value system. Building your life on elements that decline is unwise. It is important to determine the key values and establish a solid core. Integrity, life-long learner, healthy relationships, faith in God – these are examples of my core. When I cannot travel I will put that to the side and focus on the strengths that remain. I will not define myself by what I cannot do. I will take my gifts and use them in whatever the “new normal” is.

4) Can I receive and give love easily? I think the definition of love is very important and it varies with different personalities. The Greeks used four words for love while the English-speakers regularly use only one. I wish I could have the spontaneous expression some of my friends have, but I have a more platonic personality. My favorite definition of love comes from C.S. Lewis: “Love is willing the ultimate good for the other person.” Love is not just an emotion it is an act of the will. Knowing I am loved by God is foundational to the ability to give to or receive from others.

This week think about: 1) How are Fred’s mentoring questions helping me think about my values? 2) Who am I mentoring? 3) What should I be strengthening in my character?

Words of Wisdom: “I will not define myself by what I cannot do. I will take my gifts and use them in whatever the ‘new normal’ is.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord is my source of security. I have determined to follow your instructions.” (Psalms 119:57 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 26, 2017

Fred believed introspection was an element in forward progress, not an end in itself. He was never high on “navel gazing.” But he encouraged clearly defining gifts, talents, and the way they can be used. He was also very practical about this analysis. May this Christmas season bring time to reflect on 2017 and the way our great God has been present. Before presents were opened, Fred gathered the family together and read Luke 2. We, at BWF, hope the story of God’s coming in the flesh brings joy and hope.

Knowing Myself

1) Do I give money easily? As a child I was raised to believe in the tithe, or 10%. I was also trained to see this as a percentage of the gross, not the net. However, I don’t think this is an adequate level for those with wealth. The Old Testament talked about tithes and offerings as distinct items. A friend of mine anticipated a growing business, so he and his wife sat down and considered what lifestyle level would be appropriate for them. As their income rose they held to their lifestyle and gave away anything that was above that. It took discipline and ego control, but they both attested to great joy.

2) Do I believe God loves me? I once did a casual survey and I was surprised to find a smaller than expected number of people genuinely believe God loves them unconditionally. As one man answered, “He wouldn’t love me if He knew me as I know me.” Fortunately, God has unconditional love which we can experience by faith. We can believe in His act of love shown to us through the crucifixion of His Son and promised salvation promised for those who accept Him.

3) How do I react to change? If I see change as something favorable to me, then I welcome it. If it threatens me, then I resist it. I must remember that all progress involves change and work to develop a positive attitude towards new possibilities.

4) Do I hold grudges? Grudges show a lack of strong thinking. They are fueled by hostility, and animosity. I should rid myself of grudges through either clearing my mind or asking forgiveness. Grudges automatically cloud our thinking. We can hold them against a person or an idea. They waste our time and productivity.

5) Am I basically optimistic, pessimistic, or realistic? If by optimism it is meant a tendency towards the positive and pessimism is the tendency toward the negative, then I actually believe the better option is realism. One of my favorite phrases is, “the current reality.” Max DePree, the highly respected CEO said his responsibility was to define reality for his large organization. I read a book by a POW who said the captured servicemen fell into three categories: optimists, pessimists, and realists. He said the pessimists survived the shortest time, followed by the optimists. He said those who saw their situation as neither good, nor bad, but “what is” were able to make it through the best.

This week think about: 1) How do you know God loves you? 2) Which of this week’s questions is most penetrating? 3) How do I express gratitude?

Words of Wisdom: “I must remember that all progress involves change and work to develop a positive attitude towards new possibilities.”

Wisdom from the Word:” But I am like a flourishing olive tree in the house of God; I continually trust in God’s loyal love.” (Psalm 52:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 19, 2017

Fred asked questions which stung sometimes, but it was a hurt with a helpful intent. He appreciated medical experts who went beyond the surface and endured great pain when he knew it was a necessary part of the cure. This week’s questions touch nerves, but are life-giving when seriously considered.

Contemplating growth

1) What contribution do I want to be the “residue” when I die? Early in our lives it is best to decide what we want the end to be. It is not enough to grow old and then scramble for a legacy. I would like to believe that there is a residue from each situation as I move through life – a little perfume left in the wake of my passing through. There is no greater compliment then hearing from someone, “Thirty years ago you gave me something that I have found helpful throughout my life. Thank you.”

2) Do I see the essence of things or do I get hung up in the periphery? Much of this answer is tied to personality style, life experiences, and cultural environment. I am a big picture person who leaves the details to others. Much of that is my design, but also my training by mentors who focused on results and not the process. When I got bogged down in the nitty-gritty my friend and mentor Maxey Jarman would stop me and say, “Fred, show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.”

3) How many people carry different opinions of me? I am seen as two different people by two groups: friends, and enemies. I would like to follow Billy Graham’s example by not spending time debating my enemies but cementing relationships with my friends. Any mature person has to know that one cannot avoid all enemies and therefore as a dog must accept some fleas, then we must accept some detractors. The Scriptures give comfort in the verse, “Beware of him of whom all men speak well.” Of course, most of us have different facets. I recognized long ago I have a platform persona which is different from my at-home personality. After a speech which included much humor, an audience member rushed up to Mary Alice and said, “Oh, I bet he is so much fun at home. I bet you all laugh all the time!” She graciously smiled, but knew the man at home was not always the man on stage.

4) Do I generate hostility and conflict unnecessarily? When I look back at my life and consider the apologies I have made then I know I have unnecessarily violated others – and for that I am sorry.

5) Who are my enemies? Knowing this is important because they can be a helpful part of your network.

This week think about: 1) What is the key element of my personal growth plan? 2) Who am I encouraging in their development? 3) How am I regarded by associates, family, friends?

Words of Wisdom: “Any mature person has to know that one cannot avoid all enemies and therefore as a dog must accept some fleas, then we must accept some detractors.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.” (Psalm 119:111 NIV Bible)