Weekly Thought – May 21, 2019

Fred refused to accept ideas at face value, processing everything. Challenging the status quo sharpened his mind. One of the examples is his view of stress. When the modern culture recommended the total reduction of stress, he worked through it identifying positive and negative stress. His thoughts helped others understand how best to handle pressure.

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Appreciating Tension

Successful leaders learn to appreciate tension. I am convinced positive stress is a wonderful thing. Where else would we get the energy to carry out our responsibilities? Even creation shows us the value. Botanists talks about turgor which is the pressure which keeps flower stems upright. Droopy blooms have suffered the loss of this healthy pressure. Without tension there is inadequate ambition to achieve success. Couch potatoes rarely lead.

Stress must be managed, but that is the point: manage, don’t eliminate. Learning to appreciate it, not fear it is the key to productive use of pressure. As a consultant I once asked a young employee as I studied the client’s company. “How long have you been working for this company?” He answered with “Ever since the boss threatened to fire me!” He definitely lacked the fire-in-the-belly necessary for leadership. He was wilted.

I sometimes hear wives complain about how tired their husbands are at night. I know I am biased, but my experience with leaders (male and female) is that living with tension is part of the price paid for success. I am thankful for Mary Alice who has always supported me. My reply to the desire for a non-tension environment is quite simple: “you can’t have the earnings of a race horse with the placidity of a mule.”

A psychiatrist friend of mine (social, not professional, mind you) was sent to Guadalcanal to interview a variety of soldiers. Some had performed heroic deeds; others had shrunk from battle, even deserting. His research was to discern the reason for the behavior. He told me both groups actually were motivated by the same thing: fear. However, those seen as heroes ran forward and the non-heroes ran backward. The same thing is true in business or ministry leadership. We either face our problems as challenges, or we draw into the shell of inertia.

Our assignment is to understand and use positive tension as a tool for productivity. Stress by itself is not naturally bad. We need to capture the value in order to make forward progress. Eliminate all stress? No. Manage and appreciate tension. Definitely.

This week think about: 1) Am I correctly categorizing the stressors in my life? 2) Where am I running backwards? 3) How can I demonstrate capable management of stress?

Words of Wisdom: “You can’t have the earnings of a race horse with the placidity of a mule.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 14, 2019

Fred finished well just two weeks before his 92nd birthday. He thought much about aging and created a strategy for navigating the process. He wrote an article for Leadership Journal with the title “Older, but Never Old.” He lived out those words, for sure.

Successful Aging

My serious interest in aging began with Erik Erikson’s remark: “The challenge of old age is the management of deterioration. Applying the art of management gives one control over the process.” In other words, move the deterioration toward the perimeter of life and focus on the areas of strength and vitality. Avoid the used-to-be syndrome. Too many of my friends refuse to analyze their current strengths, but continue living with the past glories. As I became bedbound I knew my traveling was eliminated. But I still had my mental faculties and my voice, so my daughter arranged for weekly events for people who sat around my bed and listened to me discuss what I had been thinking about during my three dialysis sessions each week. It became affectionately known as “Fred in the Bed.” It was a management technique.

Part of the monitoring of successful aging is asking questions. For me, I break the questions into two categories: positive and negative. Of course, these are designed for my own personality, temperament, character, and temptations. For illustration, I list some of the questions I ask myself:

Love: Where do I fall on the loving scale? How do I avoid benevolent dictatorship?

Patience: How patient am I? Do I accept the difference between excellence and perfection?

Tolerance: Am I Biblically tolerant? Do I know the difference between love and apathy?

Unselfishness: How unselfish am I? How do I implement “in honor preferring one another?”

Commitment: What is my level of commitment to work, family, faith? Am I capable of having passion without crossing over into obsession?

Flexibility: Can I develop a technique without sacrificing stability and principle?

Control: How often do I camouflage this tendency? Do I exhibit dictatorial or victim behavior?

Cynicism: Do I discount the current reality by wanting things to stay the same to make me comfortable?

Greed: Is my desire an appetite or a fire? Do I remember a fire is never satisfied?

Selfishness: How often do I see others as serving me rather than an opportunity to serve?

Concretized: How realistic am I about change?

When I do my self-audit I ask another person for counsel and accountability. This person must be chosen carefully. I am not looking for a critic; I am looking for a coach.

This week carefully consider: 1) What is my strategy for aging? 2) Who models successful aging? 3) What questions should be I be asking myself?

Words of Wisdom: “The end of the process is successful aging – staying young while getting older.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Abraham breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man who had lived a full life. “ (Genesis 25:8a NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 7, 2019

Fred’s mentoring questions are a compilation of conversations with the AM/PM group. It met in the morning and was initiated by Peter McNally, thus AM/PM. As they met month by month he would throw a question on the table. On www.breakfastwithfred.com there are over 300 of them for consideration. They serve as a personal exercise, as well as for a group. Fred was asked to give an impromptu answer to his own questions. Here is the unedited text.

BWF Project is excited about the new edition of You and Your Network. It will be available by fall, 2019. The research for What’s Next will continue year long. We invite you to participate in the interview process. Contact us at Brenda@bwfli.com

Firestarter Questions

1) Question; What changes would I make if I could live my life over? Fred: I doubt I would make any changes if the circumstances and options were the same. If I were given hindsight, then certainly I would have taken advantage of many more opportunities. As the wag said, “If I had my life to live over I would live over a delicatessen.” I don’t believe it is profitable to worry about such unchangeable things as our past.

2) Q: What psychological barriers have I permitted in my life? Fred: Psychological barriers can either be temporary or long-lasting. We outgrow the temporary ones. For example, one can be controlled by what others think of us. As we mature, we can overcome this one and have a healthy view of ourselves. The long-term ones are mostly character flaws. We must first recognize them and then develop a plan and time frame to reduce their influence on us. The long-term ones will take serious work, but can be minimized.

3) Q: How much does advertising influence me? Fred: I wish it influenced me less than I am afraid it does. However, I am allergic to nonsensical advertising. In fact, I consider the mute button on the TV remote as one of the greatest inventions of the modern age. Therefore, I mute most commercials. I read the advertisers believe we must see an advertisement nine times in order to become conscious of it. I hope that is true, because I seldom watch an ad more than one time. I am immunizing myself. I saw a survey of the American population saying they are far more influenced by Madison Avenue than by the church. George Gallup wrote a book titled, The Saints Among Us. He says only 10% of those claiming to be born again are really influenced by their faith.

4) Q: Do I have a healthy sense of humor? Fred: As long as I can genuinely laugh at myself rather than laughing at others I will have at least a moderate sense of humor. Much of today’s humor is sick. It does not promote healthy mental attitudes. I always look for any humor in any situation, often finding it. Most of my life I have studied humor because I think it is a vital element. I would like to be able to laugh at only those things which are genuinely funny. Humor should be a bridge between people rather than an obstruction. I have a very intelligent friend who every Sunday morning called one of his friends to read the comics together. We are admonished in scripture to be careful about taking ourselves too seriously. I believe in humor as Gods lubricant in life and certainly as a happy reality.

This week think about: 1) What makes me laugh? 2) What affect does stress have on my sense of humor? 3) How can I discipline my humor to keep it clean and appropriate?

Words of Wisdom: “I don’t believe it is profitable to worry about such unchangeable things as our past.”

Wisdom from the Word: “After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.” (Luke 2:46 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 30, 2019

Fred tweeted long before twitter was a concept. He called them “one-liners.” His friends, his associates, even his family carried these “Fred Saids” in their minds as bywords. In diverse situations one of his wise bites always popped up. This week’s thought is an example.

BWF Project is looking for men and women who want to share their story of dealing with “What’s Next” Fred’s writings on mentoring, networking, and persevering form a foundation for decision making. If you want to participate in this research, please contact us: Brenda@bwfli.com

Experience to Experiment

When in a difficult situation, it is helpful to establish an experimental mindset. You can negotiate and navigate the experience without falling into an emotional pit. For example, I once took a stop watch to the dentist’s office – not to see how much he was charging me per minute, but to see how much time I actually spent in pain. Without the stop watch to verify and validate, I would have said I hurt 50% of the time. But the objective data said it was a short time. I ran the watch only when I was in serious pain – four seconds! Yes, four seconds of tough stuff.

Another dental experience took awhile to fully turn into an experiment. I read about one of the tortures during World War II was conducting root canals without anesthetic. I decided to see if I would have endured. By the way, my dentist thought I was crazy and made me sign a disclaimer that it was in no way his suggestion! I made it through, but my family told me it took about 6 months for me to appear normal again!

We used this experimental syndrome to our advantage in working with a direct sales force whose big problem was door slammers. (This was in the days when door knocking was an accepted sales technique). We gave the sales force a chart of different door slammer personalities. For example, they had quick, loud, apologetic, indifferent, offensive, polite, indignant, etc. When someone slammed the door in their faces they simply checked the appropriate type box. By turning their experience into an experiment they turned personal rejection into an objective exercise.

I offered this system to a waitress at a local restaurant I frequented. The breakfast diner atmosphere drew a variety of patrons. I noticed several of the customers were gruff and even rude. I told her to make a card with columns and categories such as friendly, interested, polite, grumpy, and downright rude. One morning I sat at the counter listening as a customer berated her. When she came to refill my coffee I asked about it. “Oh, him? I was glad to see him because I was missing a downright rude and he filled my card!” She turned her experience into an experiment.

This week think about: 1) What am I facing that needs a shift from experience to experiment? 2) How does moving from subjective to objective make me more effective? 3) Who needs to hear about this system?

Words of Wisdom: “By turning experience into an experiment personal rejection can be turned into an objective exercise.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, if you call out for discernment – raise your voice for understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)