Stop, Look, and Listen

Brenda’s Blog – July 2, 2024

Sitting on a sunny Wednesday afternoon after a delightful lunch with my elderly friends in Dallas I reminisced about our pleasant afternoon while waiting for my little side street to enter Northwest Highway. Then WHAM!

A redlight-running car crossed the main intersection ramming a car entering the intersection on the green. Cars collided bouncing into one another like bumper cars at Six Flags. Then, totally unexpectedly one careened into my quiet little side street striking me.

I wasn’t even close to the initial accident yet here I sat in the middle of the action. How could this happen? I felt violated, stunned, and angry. How dare this man make a decision to run a red light at an unreasonable speed and set off a domino effect right there in the middle of Park Cities? A bad choice by one selfish driver created a pile of tangled metal and traffic on Northwest Highway.

Reams of paper, rental car details, and weeks of inconvenience followed. All because someone else hit someone else who hit someone else who hit me!

The Bible talks about generational blessings and curses. Decisions we make and actions we take can change the trajectory of family history. Think about the influence of ancestors on our lives… where they lived, who they married, what work they did, how they answered crucial questions about faith and core values, how they handled money, and even how they voted. All these set a path for generations to come.

We, too, influence the far ranging impact on those around us and those we will never know.

Ideas, experiences, and actions bounce off each other like the cars that day creating history. What we do today is like a pebble thrown into a water making ripples. What we believe, how we live, and what we pass on is of great importance. Let’s commit to making today the foundation of a good tomorrow.

Something Good Today

Weekly Thought – June 25, 2024

Fred and Mary Alice were married 67 years on June 25th 2004. He was in rehab and unable to celebrate with her. The family gathered in the facility’s dining room and shared a full to-go dinner from Lawry’s, their favorite place to share anniversaries. The Smith family’s byword was “Be A Blessing.” They, indeed, modeled that for all who knew them.

Something Good Today

Let me tell you one of my favorite stories.

Several years ago I had a major operation at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Mary Alice felt sorry for the doctors and hospital staff because she knew what an executive I was… translated: “how things should be run.” She knew I would quiz the doctors about their qualifications (with respect and charm) as thoroughly as possible. For example, I found out the surgeon was returning from vacation. I asked him to make me his second surgery of the day. I wanted him to get his hand back in the swing of things before he met me. He actually complied.

Then my wife knew I would put my management eye on the hospital, asking why they did what they did and arranged things as they did, hoping to offer some improvement. As I sat in the waiting room I was called to the desk. “Please put all your valuables into this lock box.” I did and then realized my ego was actually the most valuable thing I had. Right then I decided to put it in the box, as well. I would be totally submissive and cooperative. I found the joy of community rather than the responsibility of being a management consultant. I put aside the pressure of establishing the pecking order and focused on the similarities in people, not the differences.

Late one night (or probably early one morning) one of the nurses came in and said, “Mr. Smith, I am coming to ask something of you I have never asked of another patient in my life.” I nodded agreement and she continued. “We have a young woman who is dying. She doesn’t have one flower in her room. You have nineteen arrangements and I was wondering if you would give one to her? She is all alone.”

I pointed to a magnificent arrangement made up of exotic flowers flown in from Hawaii sent to me by the Elliott Sunday School Class of Highland Park Presbyterian Church in Dallas. In the center stood aj beautiful bird of paradise. I suggested that she take that one.

About thirty minutes later the nurse came back in choked with emotion and started walking around the room. She came to the foot of my bed, squeezed my big toe, and walked out without a word. I knew she was saying, “Tonight we did something good.” I will always remember that feeling.

Sometimes when I am not sleeping at night, I wish the Lord would squeeze my toe and say, “We did good today.” Being a blessing should be our heart’s desire. After all, isn’t it said about Jesus that He “went about doing good?”

This week carefully consider: 1) When have I had my “toe squeezed?”2) How can I go about doing good? 3) Who models a life that blesses others for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I realized my ego was actually my most valued possession.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He went around doing good.” (Acts 10:38(b) NET Bible)

He Sees Me

Brenda’s Blog – June 18, 2024

“What does Corum Deo mean?” That was my question to Google. Living among men and women who seriously study God’s word and Christian thought can be intimidating. Some toss Latin phrases into their conversations with casual elegance. I generally understand, but not always.

Yes, I know “Pax Vobiscum” (peace be with you) from years of choir benedictions; “Adeste Fideles” (Oh come all ye faithful”) and “Imago Dei”(image of God) from years of Reformed Theology training.

But Corum Deo? I recognize it in writing, understand it when spoken, but how do I fully grasp it, much less apply it? Google tells me it literally means “in the sight of, in the presence of God.” Commentators expand that to mean we live every day under the eye of God, the omnipresent One.

As an octogenarian single woman this concept’s definition brings great comfort. However, as a young girl in the 1950s who desperately wanted to be “in the center of God’s will,” it was a daunting idea. Misinformed and often grace-less adults used the eye of God as a control mechanism. They taught me He watched me night and day. They failed to encourage me with His “watching over.”

They exhorted us with “Be careful little eyes what you see, little ears what you hear, and mouths what you say, for the Father up above is looking down in love.” A marvelous thought, right? This was an early lesson in the value of context and editing for to this day I remember the song without the words “in love.” What we heard was the warning that no matter how far under the bed or deep into the closet we went, God still could see us. The implication was a God of intimidation – a divine patrolman.

Oh, that our well-meaning (for the most part) Sunday School teachers would have emphasized a God with us, protecting, guiding, and providing. Oh, to understand Corum Deo in all its glory… that we could live in the light and sight of His presence. Yes, He rules and reigns but we heard that he wielded a ruler and rained down punishment.

Thank you, Father, for teaching me the beauty of your presence.

Someone to Look Up To

Weekly Thought – June 18, 2024

Fred wrote about heroes and their value in his 1983 book You and Your Network. He firmly believed in the influencing effect of heroes on us. His thinking on heroes causes us to probe our own history.

Someone to Look Up To

We cannot live fully without heroes for they are the starts to guide us upward. Not only do they personify what we can be, but they also urge us on. Heroes flesh out our ideals, and embody our highest values. Socrates said, “Talk, young man, that I might know you.” I would add, “Talk of your heroes that I might know not only who you are, but who you will become.”

A discerning investor had lunch with the young, recently named CEO of a corporation in which he held a large bloc of stock. He asked about the executive’s heroes. The new CEO named a ruthless military general and a well-known arrogant businessman. From then on, the conversation cooled and ended much sooner than expected. As the man told me of this encounter he remarked,” What a shame to turn over an organization to such immaturity.” Because of his impression of the CEO he sold his large holdings in the corporation. It proved to be a wise decision as the leadership took the corporation in a disastrous direction.

Dr. J.C. Cain of the Mayo Clinic. We talked about the difficulty in choosing new students. All had excellent grades, fine discipline, high motivation, and outstanding work habits. In searching for questions to use as he interviewed to discern he used “Tell me of your heroes.” Dr. Cain found this to be an essential cluse to their value structure.

Those who have no heroes have not yet identified their highest ideals. Greatness demands an appreciation of correct values as seen in others. As a person changes his heroes, he changes the direction of his. The saddest person of all is the one who egotistically become their own heroes, which is disastrously like trying to become one’s own god.

I am convinced that the one who occupies the hero category cannot be contemporaneous. We can admire, respect, and use men and women as models, but until they have run the race and their lives have assessed, I don’t see them as qualified for the true hero space. Finishing well is a current buzzword. I believe there is credibility in looking at the entire run. Dr. Donald Campbell, President of Dallas Theological Seminary in teaching on the kings of Israel pointed out one “lived too long” making his latter years shameful.

I often counsel young men to live their lives in such a way that they don’t “make a junkyard of their old age.” Live as heroes-in-training.

This week think about: 1) Who do I consider a hero? 2) When I was 10 who did I want to be? 3) How could I use the question about heroes this week to open up a conversation?

Words of Wisdom: “Don’t make a junkyard out of your old age.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Encourage younger men likewise to be self-controlled,[a] showing yourself to be an example of good works in every way. In your teaching show integrity, dignity.” (Titus 2: 6,7 NET Bible)

Relaxing for Health

Weekly Thought – June 11, 2024

Fred and Mary Alice lived close to the Cooper Aerobics Center in Dallas. He used to joke that he loved exercise. In fact, so much that on Saturday mornings he would stop by his favorite donut shop then drive over to the Cooper Center. As he drank his coffee and munched on his donut he would watch the runners circle around the track!

Relaxing for Health

Physical and emotional health is aided by relaxation. It helps the healing that comes from within when the motor is allowed to idle. The test of beneficial relaxation is that it gives more energy than it requires. We should come away from recreation re-created, not destroyed. How many times do you hear “I need a vacation to recover from my vacation?” That is not relaxation.

In this high energy environment we often let our peers set the standard for our relaxation. To be fun it must almost be hysterical. The idea of “extreme” physical exertion leads to burn-out.

Controlled recreation is not relaxing. I’ve seen the control types who say “alright, for the next five minutes we will relax” at a sales meeting. Or, heard children ask Type A fathers, “Are we having fun, yet, Daddy?”

One of the keys to my personal relaxation was understanding the sovereignty of God. When I found out He’s going to be able to continue running the world after I die I relaxed. When I fully realized God loves me, but doesn’t need me I found total relaxation. I could let go.

What most of us need to do is simply give ourselves permission to relax without guilt. A friend who travels internationally has found a short nap is a way to successfully recover from jet lag. He has incorporated it into his personal “standard operating procedure.” He found many couldn’t accept this for it created “work ethic guilt.” In my twenties when I was in charge of a factory and had my office in the building I took off my coat, climbed up on my conference table and took a nap. The President (and my mentor) was energetically wired could never understand this. We agreed to disagree because the results were there.

I am convinced the seventh day of rest wasn’t just for spiritual rejuvenation, but physical and emotional recovery. Thomas Kelley, the Quaker theologian and philosopher, wrote of finding the “quiet center” of life which cannot be disturbed by anything in life. Resting one day a week is a helpful tool and definitely finding genuine, authentic relaxation is a way to the quiet center.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I use leisure time for true re-creation? 2) When do I feel the pressure of production which compromises my health? 3) When I think about Sabbath what comes to mind?

Words of Wisdom: “Physical and emotional health is aided by relaxation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the one who enters God’s rest has also rested from his works, just as God did from his own works.” (Hebrews 4:10 NET Bible)

Now You See Me – Now You Don’t

Brenda’s Blog – June 4, 2024

“I had to look over and over to find the hawk so I could get the photo.” My friend Kathy is a professional photographer who specializes in wild life, especially birds. After months and months she finally spotted a hawk in a tree near their home. The Piney Woods of East Texas create a hospitable habitat for a richly diverse selection of subject for her.

The hawk was captured in full form perched on a broad branch of a tree. When I first saw her photo my reaction was, “Protective coloration at its best, isn’t it?”

Living in rural Texas gives us all opportunities to see this protection in the seasonal changes. The dappling which resembles light playing through the trees covers newly-delivered fawns; the drab coloration of female cardinals keeps prying predators away from the nests; and of course, the grassy , woodsy patterns on the skins of snakes allow them free access to fields and backyard wood piles.

A friend of mine received word his company was negotiating with another in preparation for a merger. His cryptic comment was, “Time to put on my protective coloration.” “What do you mean?” “Dress like they dress, take the gray out of my hair, and keep my head down.” I thought he was kidding, but watching the transition proved his strategy correct for he made it through the merger successfully.

We all have out own ways of avoiding detection. We hide anger, fear – even the need for acceptance and love. We wear smiles when we are in terrible pain; we “play nice” when clearly the situation is unfair; we pretend to enjoy someone’s company until we can escape. These are all ways of wearing masks which provide protection.

Being unmasked conjures up unspeakable dread, doesn’t it? Being fully known drives us to mask and even double mask. But God didn’t create us to provide our own protection coloration. He promised to be with us, leading and guiding – and protecting. How can we help others if we present only a false face? Protective coloration for hawks is given by God… the presence of the Holy Spirit is the protection given to us. Let us walk in truth showing what God has done, is doing, and will forever do – hallelujah!

Principles from a Dramatic Rescue

Weekly Thought -June 4, 2024

Fred once said his “distillation process” was in born. He could take bountiful information and bring it down to helpful, transferable principles. He said as he worked through he would come to a point where he saw the “one liner” as clearly as if it were written on the wall. Principle-based thinking became a leadership trend long after Fred began operating this way.

Principles from a Dramatic Rescue

In 1987 the dramatic rescue of Jessica McClure held out constant attention. Since then we have had numerous news episodes, but this one began the “saga of spellbinders.” Do you remember the little girl who fell into the well? Her Mother’s heart condition kept her from watching. She told the rescuers, “Tell me when she comes up.” I scribbled down some principles I observed.

1) Our greatest joy can come our deepest sorrows. The length of the time she was in the well only exaggerated the relief and joy when she came up alive. The tension and the anxiety are represented in other areas of life, as well. For example, recovery from a life-threatening illness, return of a lost child, or the release of POWs.

2) Our handicaps can become opportunities. The man born without a collarbone was able to squeeze into the well where a fully formed man was blocked. All his life the volunteer suffered with his disability but then it became a strength. At times like these we think of Queen Esther and her Uncle’s words: “Perhaps you were born for such a time as this.” Our handicaps may be the ground of our greatest contributions.

3) How easily we forget our blessings. While Jessica was down in the well many around made deals with God in exchange for her safe return. It was His favor that restored her, not the “trades” made. And quickly after the emergency the source of the blessing was soon forgotten. It was no longer news!

4) Physical extrication is dramatic and exciting, but what about spiritual rescues? Would we work so diligently to save a soul fallen into the world’s well? The drama of seeing rescue teams, neighbors, and media work to bring her to the surface was electric. We all fought for her life. Would we fight as hard to free a soul from the depths of hell as we did to free Jessica from the well?

Think about this week?1) How often do I pass through my day without thinking about the principles of the experiences? 2) What would it take for me to stop and seriously think about the meaning of my family life, career, friendships, community?3) Who am I praying for a rescue from the depths of hell?

Words of Wisdom: “Data to information to knowledge to wisdom – that is the process.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Guide me into your truth and teach me. For you are the God who delivers me; on you I rely all day long.” (Psalm 25:5 NET Bible)

Keeping Things Healthy

Weekly Thought – May 28, 2024

Fred thought about all aspects of health. He enjoyed the friendship of medical professionals and engaged them in the philosophy of medicine. He carefully analyzed the meaning of full health (physical, financial, relational, spiritual) and monitored the elements each year (Note: These notes from Fred were dictated in the 80s. His consideration of this topic was early in the popular conversation.)

Keeping Things Healthy

I have eclectic reading interests although I stay within the categories of philosophy, psychology, and theology. This allows me to study much about both the nature of God and the nature of man. Our son, Fred once asked me, “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be your topic?” Without hesitating I answered, “The nature of God and the nature of man.”

I have been very much interested in how stress immobilizes our defense mechanisms. I feel the Bible oftentimes gives us the solution to the problem without stating the problem at all. It assumes we accept the Word as authority and that obedience will be beneficial.

Shame does not coexist with emotional health. I am thinking a lot about the relation between shame and guilt. As I see shame, it’s an evaluation of condition. Self-loathing is not equivalent to guilt which is a reaction to an act based on a personal value system. Some have no guilt after an act that would create enormous guilt in someone else. An article I read said that the only physical evidence of shame is a “turning away of the face.” Remember how Adam answered God after he had sinned, “I hid myself for I was ashamed.” I am going to continue thinking about the two concepts: shame and guilt.

Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people. Headlines about sports figures, business competitors – even ministry leaders communicate the destruction of revenge. Psychologically, revenge is known to be one of the most damaging emotions. Dr. Hans Selye, the noted Nobel Prize winning scientist, lists revenge as the #1 emotion to avoid. This just makes good sense. If you have a “hate list” – tear it up! I was having lunch with the President of a corporation going through some difficult competition. “I’m going to get those suckers!” I reminded him good, clean competition is perfectly acceptable for Christian businesses. But revenge is beyond acceptable boundaries. Filling our lives with vengeance destroys our peace, our health, and even our ability to operate with clarity.

Emotional health is part of the bedrock for good living. Establishing anchors for a life well lived is critical.

This week think about: 1) How effectively do I audit my emotional health? 2) What triggers my unhealthy emotions?3) Where are my strengths for a balanced life?

Words of Wisdom: “Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A bright look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the body.” (Proverbs 15:30 NET Bible)

Of Tempests and Teabags

Brenda’s Blog – May 21, 2024

A cup of English Breakfast tea with lemon and local honey in a hand-thrown mug is a marvelous way to begin the day, or to reflect mid-afternoon on the day. My British friends consider my use of teabags rather crass. Loose tea steeped in a beloved pot then strained and poured into a delicate porcelain tea cup with a flourish is the only civilized way to enjoy tea. Cream and sugar are the traditional accompaniments, not my lemon and honey from a friend’s hives.

I truly enjoy the sensation of wrapping my hands around the heavy mug, thoroughly heated from the boiling water while sitting on my couch dressed in my sweats. On the other hand, my tea aficionados dress in frocks, and fascinators to enjoy the afternoon ritual.
Tea serves those of us who love analogies. Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she is put into hot water.”

I enjoy British mysteries. One of the requisite lines in every episode is the “come in, I’ll put on the kettle.” Isn’t that true of life? Don’t we feel like we are invited to participate while the water heats up and the quality of our tea is tested?
It is in the boiling water we find the truth of our faith. It is also in the boiling water we are changed into something useful to many. It is in the boiling water we find purpose.

Whether in a mug which is the “work of the artist’s hand” or from family Royal Doulton, the tea can teach us life lessons. We can learn to appreciate the boiling waters as they transform us into a fragrant, delightful source of joy.

Committed to Service

Weekly Thought – May 21, 2024

Fred carried a pocket tape recorder with him. He always had scraps of paper (envelopes were a favorite) for catching thoughts and quotes. Margie spent nearly twenty years transcribing. Her typing speed was dizzying! One of the binders held one-liners, poems, humorous lines, miscellaneous quotes, and one labeled “Stories.”

Committed to Service

I was speaking in Kingston, New York, and my host planned to meet me at LaGuardia, driving me to the town. It was a cold February day, with snow and ice on the road. When he arrived, he had a young man with him doing the driving. He was not part of the “executive training program,” so I engaged him in conversation to hear his story. He was a local delivery truck driver who worked for a local firm.

He had insisted on driving because he thought my host was “getting up in years” and wouldn’t be comfortable or confident to drive in the bad weather. Along the way he made a stop saying he thought two gentlemen of our age would appreciate a cup of coffee and a restroom. I think I had just turned forty!

After the meeting I discovered someone took my overcoat. The young man thought an older man with a bad memory had taken it by mistake, so he drove to his house, rescued my overcoat, and returned it to the hotel. As he left, he wrote down his home phone number telling me I could call anytime for any reason. Earlier in the evening he heard me mention I was experiencing gallstone pain, so he included the phone number for the local hospital. As he left for home that night he asked if he could join the group for breakfast the next morning. He said he just liked to listen to the conversation.

He joined us and a few minutes before we finished. he left the table. He returned with an envelope in his hand. He passed it to me saying, “It is Valentine’s Day and you’ll be traveling. I was afraid you might forget to get your wife a card.” It was one of those extremely frilly, over-the-top romantic valentines which I would hardly have picked out for Mary Alice, but I was extremely proud to give it to her and tell her the story.

This was a young man totally committed to service. The menial tasks were done with a noble spirit.

This week carefully think about: 1) How aware am I of those who are committed to service? 2) What helps me be alert of stories around me? 3) Who deserves recognition for an outstanding attitude?

Words of Wisdom: “The menial tasks were done with a noble spirit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not lag in zeal, be enthusiastic in spirit, serve the Lord.” (Romans 12:11 NET Bible)

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