Handling Problems Correctly

Weekly Thought – April 27, 2021

Fred helped many clarify their thinking with his distinction between a problem and a fact of life. “A problem is something you can do something about; a fact of life is a given. It is foolish to spend any time attempting to change a fact of life… focus on solutions to problems.”

Handling Problems Correctly

A former pro athlete, now incarcerated on drug charges, said that his drugs were really a result of lifestyle. He said getting caught up in what the world said was the good life created bad problems. He chose to escape the difficulties by numbing himself with substance abuse. I agree with his assessment, but I don’t think he goes quite far enough.

It is critical to correctly identify the nature of the problem. Current culture says being a winner should be the normal state: we should always feel good, look good, and feel high. Living a life like a TV commercial is desirable today. The “before” and “after” model influences us. If we find ourselves in the before phase, we strive with lightning speed to move to the after. But we all know real life doesn’t work like that – instant results don’t happen. That is why so many reach out to consciousness altering substances for that sudden change. When change doesn’t happen on demand, the choice of artificial, synthetic means look desirable.

This misunderstanding of reality exists in the spiritual life, as well. Too often people don’t want the work of patiently going through spiritual transformation, so start looking for spiritual highs and fixes. The emotion takes over, replacing the steady study of the word, and the often plodding process of sanctification.

Wounds and hurts at the core of problems exist within a broad periphery. This is the area open to instant distraction and pain relief. Without authentic resolution the core of hurt continues to grow, eventually blocking out the effectiveness of any numbing choices. When that happens the problem overcomes the person leaving a sense of hopelessness. Many suicides occur when this emptiness overtakes. Another option is to give in to the darkness, deciding we are worthless and may as well live that way, jettisoning all self-respect.

What is the answer? The rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit. There is nothing that satisfies like the washing and changing through the Spirit. The power of this is the living out of the transformation. We can have the head knowledge of transformation but our experiences must live it out.
The good life so many try to find to overcome their lifestyle choices and accompanying problems can only be found through spiritual rejuvenation and regeneration. That is the only way to the truly good life. Everything else may sizzle briefly, but will eventually fizzle.

This week think carefully about: 1) How can I make sure I handle problems correctly? 2) What safeguards do I have in place to stay consistent and authentic? 3) When am I most tempted to reach for a temporary lift?

Words of Wisdom: “When change doesn’t happen on demand, the choice of artificial, synthetic means look desirable.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance character, and character hope.” (Romans 5: 3, 4 NET Bible)

Think and Do

Weekly Thought – April 20, 2021

Fred referred to an intellectual friend as “a man with a superior mental organ.” That was certainly descriptive of him. He grew up in the mill district of Nashville, was disabled at age five, was unable to attend college because of financial limitations, and enjoyed few or none social networks. But God gifted him to think – and he used that gift unceasingly.

Think and Do

“I just can’t believe that I did that; What in the world was I thinking; It just came over me.” How many times do you hear these excuses for inappropriate actions? I am convinced action is the last step, not the first. Here is the formula I worked out for myself: first, the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.

First the thought comes in our mind and if we keep it long enough and know it with validity, it creates a mood. The mood then rationalizes the action. Scripture talks of this when James talks of the progress from temptation to enticement to sin and death. Death was not the goal at the outset, but it was the logical end.

How do we control this formula? We start by keeping the wrong thoughts out of the heart. Remember the old adage: “You can’t keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.” Therefore, our first responsibility is to dislodge the thought before it creates a mood and ultimately births an action. I am not suggesting a mind free from thoughts – far from it. We reprogram our mind by replacing the worthless with worthy. The Apostle Paul spoke often about his system of thought control which resulted in appropriate behavior.

It is my firm belief you can trace back an action that surprised you to the mood in which it was taken. Mood is a mindset we create to facilitate the action. The thought is buried into the soil but doesn’t grow until the root is fully formed. Have you ever lashed out at somebody and wondered what got into you? Think of the emotional mood and mental mindset – the action becomes logical. Have you made a decision that was atypical of your thought pattern? Recreate the mood environment before the decision you will understand what came together to cause that decision. Every action is wrapped in a mood.

The rationalization of action is almost an unspoken process. The thought has come to life. The path to action is in the mind. Once the act is performed we can express shock, but we must take responsibility for we were the one who initiated the process.

Psychologists tell us that to create a new habit or break an old habit takes 21-30 days of consecutive positive activity. The key is consecutive. Undoing the “stinkin’ thinkin’” my good friend Zig Ziglar talks about is the implantation of concentrated, consistent, consecutive discipline.

This week think about: 1) Have I ever said “that just wasn’t me” as a rationale for a bad action? 2) How can Fred’s thinking help me this week? 3) What habit am I working to make or break?

Words of Wisdom: “It is my firm belief you can trace back an action that surprised you to the mood in which it was taken.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The law of their God controls their thinking; their feet do not slip.” (Psalm 37:31 NET Bible)

Safe Boating

Brenda’s Blog – April 20, 2021

“Stay away from the crunchy stuff.”

My daughter Heather and her husband Bob now own a lovely tritoon. After a year of learning about “Ohana” they hired a professional captain to check them out and stretch their expertise.

The two hour cruise on Lake Grapevine impressed two points on me as I luxuriated in the sun while he “schooled” them.

1) Stay away from the crunchy stuff. He pointed out trees, rocks, and underwater obstacles which could create hazardous events. He advised them to learn where the unseen dangers were which were only visible when the lake was low. Over and over he reminded them – “Stay away from the crunchy stuff.” I started thinking about my own life. There can be lots of crunchy stuff which can threaten a fruitful and mature life. If I don’t navigate well, I can run up on rocks damaging my reputation, the accomplishment of goals, and my future direction. Unseen temptations can threaten my smooth sailing. They may be only uncovered after my life’s low ebb shows them. A moral depth finder is vital for a healthy life.

2) Know the rules and etiquette, but always assume the other boaters don’t. Raising children allowed me to hear countless times, “that’s not fair.” We all know from experience and from reading Scott Peck’s classic that “Life is not fair.” On the water, just as on the highway there are clear rules for right of way, no wake observance, and distances. In my life, there are also ways to manage for positive outcomes. But for me to believe everyone else understands is naïve. Maturity means living with eyes wide open and equipping myself to flex. Rigidity results in breakage.

Captain Chris revels in the business of good boating. He teaches from the overflow because it is his passion. What is so strong in our mind and heart that we cannot help talking about it?

Hugs are Important

Weekly Thought – April 13, 2021

Fred recognized the need to hug (and be hugged) later in life. He studied the research on the value of touch. He had large hands and enjoyed having his children, and grandchildren hold onto his fingers.

Hugs are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch. I’ve been working on it for several years. My interest began when I listened to the President of Sloan-Kettering address the American Management Association. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re gonna get well.” There is an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It’s an interesting new technique. (Editor’s note: written long before internet). The professor calls a writer or a speaker, puts him/her on a conference call for an hour to answer questions from the class. In preparation they sent me the school magazine. There was a poem by Donna Swanson, on the subject of aging and touch.

It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because nobody thinks ( or wants) to touch them. When my Mother was 90 (she lived to be 93) she began showing her wrinkles. She was very stooped. I realized I had stopped touching her when I greeted her. Recognizing this, I began hugging her again and it made a great difference for her. Donna Swanson’s poem touched me because it struck me how grateful I was to relearn the lesson of touching my Mom.

Here are just a few lines of the poem entitled Minnie Remembers

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did these slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws?
When, God? How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out…..God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty. They come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me.”

I was at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a laymen’s meeting. A small, unpretentious woman stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to other people. In speaking you always watch that. If somebody stands around they’ve something special to say. She walked up to me standing not even five feet tall, and looked up at me. “Would you hug me?” “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who in my family or friend circles needs a hug? 2) How can I train my children the importance of physical touch? 3) In light of COVID how can I express physical attachment while remaining wise?

Words of Wisdom: “It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because many do not think (or want) to touch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

Daylight Saving

Brenda’s Blog – April 6, 2021

“What happens at 11:00 am on March 14th? All those who didn’t set their clocks ahead arrive for church!”

My Grandfather was an old time traditionalist. He refused to change his watch and the household clocks. For six months the entire family had to keep him on schedule so as the pastor he didn’t arrive for the benediction! “I am staying on God’s time,” he would say. Even as a child the concept that one system was more holy than another puzzled me. Since they traveled very little outside their geographical area he had no reason to justify time zones. How confused he certainly would have been. I assume Tennessee would represent God’s clock, leaving the East and West coasts to fend for themselves, wandering outside “God’s time.”

Scripture tells us we can neither add height, nor time. Elevator lift shoes and the congressional decision to enact daylight saving time are our cultural responses.

All day long people moaned and groaned about the loss of an hour. Do we ever think about how many lost hours we pile up through waste, poor choices, or neglect? I would not dare to do an assessment of my true time management. If we valued each day with such fervency as we do the Spring forward give back, we might find hidden productivity.

As I age (today is my birthday) the realization of stewardship comes sharper into focus. The big three: talent, time, and treasure are the standard measure, but each phase of life emphasizes one more than others. Right now the use of my hours (daylight extended or not) becomes a serious issue. Diminished physical strength and waning hours shine a light on the need to invest my time, not just spend it.

In Latin class we learned Tempus Fugit. Fly, it does. Whether it is man’s construct, or God’s divine plan, time is precious and demands respect.

Focused for Greatness

Weekly Thought – April 6, 2021

Fred included heroes as one of the critical categories for a healthy network. “We cannot live fully without heroes for they are the stars to guide us upward. Heroes are who we can become if we diligently pursue our ideals in the furnace of our opportunities.”

This week would you help us expand our Weekly Thought reach? Let others know about the value of Fred’s wisdom. We thank you.

Focused for Greatness

Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes. In You and Your Network I devoted to an entire chapter to the subject. Here are a few personal heroes who illustrate identifying character traits which in emulating, enrich my own life.

1) The Apostle Paul – total dedication personified. Oswald Chambers coined the phrase “the white funeral” describing the process of totally dying to himself. His “black funeral” occurred years later at the hands of Rome. Having never met him, I still feel I know him just from studying his writings. He says with assurance “this one thing I do.” He found his magnificent obsession, his lodestar, and the race to which he devoted his life. He ran with total focus.

2) Abraham Lincoln – combining strength and gentleness. He did his duty as he saw it even suffering great emotional strife while doing it. He didn’t seem to possess superior gifts, but a superior spirit that matched his opportunities. He was able to be flexible without sacrificing his values. He lacked personal happiness, but he had abiding joy.

3) Albert Einstein – humble intellect. Einstein is one of my personal heroes, not for his intellect, but for his humility. I love to look in his simple, childlike eyes and see the wonder and awe he obviously felt for life, the universe, and God. His humility was a natural state, not an acquired or disciplined accomplishment. Einstein seemed devoid of arrogance, self-centeredness, and conceit. These had been replaced by the ability to see his ignorance more than his knowledge resulting in gratitude.

4) Leonardo Da Vinci – relaxed acceptance. He saw life as a whole and was content to let it be. He didn’t mean campaigns to change anything. He understood the unifying principles of life – man’s relationship to science, art, music, mathematics, and philosophy. He never tried to manipulate truth, only to understand it. Because da Vinci thought in principles his mind could range indefinitely, creating sketchy ideas of such great magnitude it would take centuries before they were developed into useful applications. To me, he is an intellectual hero. His serenity is a personal reproach to our hurry, scurry, activist culture.

5) Abraham – vision and faith. He was willing to risk all on the unseen. He ventured into a relationship which became his reality. We need heroes to personify vision, for without it we settle for a plateaued life and experiences which are too limited.

6) Thomas Edison – persistence. It is reported he responded to a question about his 5,000 failures to develop the incandescent light bulb: “The important thing is I now know 5,000 things that do not work. That is not a failure.” There are times in our lives when we need someone to personify the will survive, the refusal to give up.

Heroes are the personification of our ideals, the embodiment of our highest values. A society writes its diary by naming its heroes. When we talk of our heroes we tell much about who we are, but also about who we will become.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who were my childhood heroes? 2) What heroic characteristics do I desire? 3) How can I encourage others around me to identify personal heroes?

Words of Wisdom: “Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD emerges like a hero, like a warrior he inspires himself for battle; he shouts, yes, he yells, he shows his enemies his power.” (Isaiah 42:13 NET Bible)

Prayer Changes Me

Weekly Thought – March 30, 2021

Fred believed in prayer. Their daughter Brenda remembers seeing him on his knees beside the bed at night before going to sleep. On Mary Alice’s nightstand was a spiral notebook containing her prayer list, kept current with notes, additions, and subtractions.

Please continue praying for the ministry of BWF Project. Thank you for words of encouragement and financial support. Fred’s words only grow in relevance during seasons needing perseverance and wisdom.

Prayer Changes Me

Prayer definitely is a key element in the faith walk…even though I don’t understand it. I pray because it pleases God and changes me. When Mary Alice had brain surgery many friends called to say, “We are praying for Mary Alice and the family.” I started thinking about what effect prayer had on the operation.

First, it created a community of overwhelming love. We felt the care and support of friends. After the Gulf War General Schwarzkopf appeared on Bob Schuller’s Hour of Power program. He said he came just to express appreciation for the tremendous prayers of the American people which the soldiers felt during the military action. “We felt the upholding love and the community it formed around us.”

Many of my doctor friends tell me how importantly related are these feelings of love and the will to live. As Mary Alice prepared to go into surgery, we were all conscious of her strong will to live. The entire family traveled to the Jacksonville Mayo Clinic to be with her. The morning of the operation we traveled caravan style from the hotel to the Clinic. She and I knew in each family car there was much prayer being expressed for her well-being. In ours we were playing the Elvis Presley CD singing gospel hymns – a favorite of ours.

Second, I think the more people who are praying are then inclined to engage in worship, wanting God’s will, and acknowledging His sovereignty. I believe this pleases Him. Did the large number affect God? I certainly believe it pleased Him, but I do not think it affected God’s will for Mary Alice’s surgery. To say that God is impressed or influenced by the number of those praying for something is to humanize Him and make Him into a politician.

Some are tempted to create an environment in which they expect Him to perform. They almost threaten Him with displeasure if a large number gather with a specific desired outcome and He doesn’t grant the request.

Third, well-known people and Christian celebrities have no special standing with God – and no “in” for answered prayer. I often resent those who proudly announce the celebrity status of those praying for their cause. Scripture tells us God is no respecter of persons. It also says the prayer of a righteous individual accomplishes much, but it does not say the number and status of the person is key to that accomplishment. God is just as concerned with the prayer of an orphan in the slums as He is with the most celebrated of individuals. Thankfully, God doesn’t operate according to our social pecking order.

Our prayer pleases God and changes me by aligning me with God, not Him with us. It creates a community of love, and an opportunity for corporate worship. It is the unseen, but clearly experienced vertical and horizontal connection. In prayer we are wired to Him and to each other.

This week carefully consider: 1) What wrong thinking have I cultivated about prayer? 2) Who is the subject of my most fervent prayer this week? 3) How has God changed me through prayer?

Words of Wisdom: “Prayer definitely is a key element in the faith walk.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With every prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and to this end be alert, with all perseverance and petitions for all the saints.” (Ephesians 6:18 NET Bible)

Handling Problems Realistically

Weekly Thought – March 23, 2021

Fred experienced four major hospitalizations during his last five years of his life. “We don’t know what to say to him,” one of his friends commented. “Bring him a problem,” was son Fred’s wise answer. The family passed the word around to his many friends. This was the key to his rebounding until the final stay in 2007. This inciteful observation gave him the energy and focus to return home time after time.

Handling Problems Realistically

A former pro athlete interviewed upon incarceration said his drug problem was really about lifestyle. He commented he was caught between the idea of the good life and real problems. He chose to deal with reality by escaping through substance abuse…at least until he crossed too many lines and was jailed.

I agree with him, but I also think there may be more.

1) It is how we define a problem. A problem may be a hurt or a life vacuum. The philosophy of the good life says we are winners who will have continuous highs. This image becomes the over energetic imagery of television commercials. If we don’t feel this way then we must be living in the “before” part of the commercial before the product’s solution. Nothing in life can bring instant results, short of consciousness-altering substances. The truth of real life doesn’t have an immediate “before to after” resulting in forever happiness. Too many Christians look for spiritual highs and spiritual quick fixes because we don’t want to go through the transformational process. In all areas of our lives we want to move from before to after in blinding speed, enjoying it all the way. It just doesn’t happen that way. The good life philosophy fails because we would have to lean on the artificial, synthetic, or addictive to consistently operate on that level. The sudden high is a fallacy and a trap.

2) The core hurt always has a peripheral aspect that can be satisfied by these temporary solutions, but can never be truly remedied by the short term. In fact, the effort to soothe the hurt allows the core problem to continue growing until it takes over all temporary fixes and hopelessness occurs. Suicide then becomes a possible solution. Another is just simply giving into the darkness, deciding we are worthless, and choosing a life of degradation and dishonor.

3) The answer is the rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit. Nothing compares to the washing, cleansing, and changing work of the Spirit. The power is seen in the living out of the transformed life. Just knowing about the Spirit’s work isn’t the full answer; application must happen. Einstein’s theories seem reasonable and practical to physicists, but until astronauts climbed into the rocket and ventured into space were they tested. There is always great risk in change. Spiritually, it is the same. We can’t trust the Spirit on a trial basis. But the good life which comes through rejuvenation and regeneration is truly the only good life. All else may sizzle for a while but will ultimately fizzle.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I handle problems? 2) What is my concept of spiritual transformation? 3) Who helps me clearly define the good life?

Words of Wisdom: “The truth of real life doesn’t have an immediate “before to after” resulting in forever happiness.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God—what is good and well-pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2 NET Bible)

Make A Difference

Brenda’s Blog – March 23, 2021

“Somebody’s life will be changed because you came to work today.”

These words are posted high above the back entrance to Dave Ramsey’s company in Tennessee. Think of that impact as each employee walks to the door, preparing mentally for the day.

The words really gave me pause. Imagine working for a business committed to the value and influence of each employee. And think of the expectations of a leadership team which knows the employees walk in wanting to make a difference.

One of my favorite female business leaders was Katharine Graham who directed the Washington Post through stormy waters. When asked about enjoying life she responded, “To love what you do and, know it makes a difference, how could anything be more fun?”

Dave Ramsey and Katharine Graham were from different decades, but both shared the conviction that work is about using opportunities for the good of others. We are not here for the sole satisfaction of our ego needs; we are here to discover and use our God-given uniqueness within our social context.

Consider if we woke up and read Dave Ramsey’s words each day…we could experience the joy of using our gifts as blessing for others.

The Art of Being Mentored

Weekly Thought – March 16, 2021

Fred’s book Breakfast With Fred had a tag line: “Mentor to a generation of leaders.” His long life enabled that influence to cross several generations. He saw a clear distinction between coaching, discipling, and mentoring. He believed strongly in the mutual responsibilities.

During this season we have received numerous emails expressing appreciation for the weekly thoughts and the applicability. We often think about the timeless and timely nature of his wisdom. We are also thankful for the ability to stretch and bless through the gifts God gave Fred. Thank you for your faithful support and encouragement.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. I always tried to be a good student when mentored. I knew I had responsibilities to them. Here are a few I identified:

1) Admit my ignorance. I never tried to impress a mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance from a teacher is as foolish as hiding an illness from a doctor. The wise person is always aware of his own ignorance. Dr. Walter Hearn, a Yale biochemist once said, “Fred every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorant than you were when you woke up.” I thought he was being facetious until he explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon and assumed the balloon increased each day, it would touch more and more ignorance on the periphery. Therefore, my knowledge brought me into contact with my greater ignorance. The arrogant are proud of their knowledge the humble are acquainted with their ignorance. I made friends with my ignorance.
2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of the keys is asking a question that the person wants to answer.
3) Do your homework. With my two mentors, I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk to them about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful to minimize chitchat. When my primary mentor and I met I had preciously organized my questions. I knew it was not a social situation. If we later wanted social time, that would be up to him, not to me. I never walked into his office and sat down until I was invited. He had to know I was not there to waste time. Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.
4) Never try to “use” the mentor. A person with a well-known mentor can be tempted to drop the name, or make reference in ways that are really using, not respecting. Quoting the mentor out of context is an example. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the mentor. The mentor greatly enjoys “being there” when achievement occurs. Currently I spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I never charge. I get amply paid by seeing them grow and accomplish.

This week think about 1) Who has influenced me most greatly? 2) How am I preparing myself to be mentored? 3) What questions do I have this week for my mentor?

Words of Wisdom: “Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.”

Wisdom from the Word “He stores up effective counsel for the upright, and is like a shield for those who live with integrity.” (Proverbs 2:7 NET Bible)

«‹4 5 6 7 8 ›»