Friend to Friend

Weekly Thought – November 16, 2021

Fred published his first book in the mid-80s titled You and Your Network. At that time the concept of networking had a negative connotation suggesting manipulation. Fred’s lifework as a man who introduced friends to friends for mutual benefit built a foundation for a fundamental shift in its definition.

In the late 1970s Holly Lake Chapel in East Texas assembled a devotional booklet, asking members and friends to contribute short, encouraging pieces. Although not a member, Fred and Mary Alice were homeowners at the Holly Lake Ranch community and frequent attendees of the Chapel. Fred’s brief devotional speaks to the value of introductions.

Friend to Friend

Great things come from introductions. Andrew brought his brother to Jesus. What a connection that was with eternal implications. Barnabas introduced Paul to the apostles. This one was a lesson in timing because the leaders were not prepared to accept Paul immediately into the fellowship. God’s plan worked out as Paul then introduced the gentiles to Jesus.

Do you remember who introduced you to your spouse? It is a special privilege to be part of the chemistry which occurs when friends meet friends and click.

Therefore, I want to use my ink in this devotional endeavor of the Holly Lake Chapel as an introduction to one of my friends: Oswald Chambers.

In 1956 Orean Howard, wife of a leading management executive, gave a copy of My Utmost for His Highest to Mary Alice and me. Her enthusiasm in his writing and impact, as well as our respect for her spiritual maturity, urged us to begin a daily reading habit. (Editor’s note: by the time Fred and Mary Alice both transferred to heaven they wore out 5 copies of this little devotional book).

Chambers helps us to confront materialism maturely. So often we begin believing materialism is our national religion, even putting Christian faith in the shadows. Individuals begin to fit into a rating system for business, society, or athletics. Tragically, we see the church fall prey to this system, giving preference to the big givers and well placed members. Swimming in that pool can be dangerous, leading to drowning.

Oswald Chambers, by his admonition helped me establish a healthy viewpoint: “Sit loose to things.” In the late 1960s I lost a significant client and a major part of my annual income. Thanks to Chambers my first thought was “sit loose, Fred.” Nothing prohibits us from working, earning, and enjoying. But they are a tool, not an idol.

That experience let me practice what Chambers taught: I am more than what I own.

Year by year and day by day the power of introduction becomes even more clear. It is my desire that Oswald Chambers will become your friend and his practical wisdom will create a platform for successful living.

This week begin to think about: 1) What is one of the key introductions in my life? 2) Who is a strong influencer, helping me to smooth the rough places? 3) How can I develop my ability to introduce those who need to know each other?

Words of Wisdom: “Sit loose to things!”

Wisdom from the Word: “Here is a misfortune on earth that I have seen: Wealth hoarded by its owner to his own misery.” (Ecclesiastes 5:13 NET Bible)

Elements of Planning

Weekly Thought – November 9, 2021

Fred learned the value of planning from his mentor, Maxey Jarman. He also watched the leadership and executive habits of successful men and women, drawing on them for his own approach. In true Fred fashion, he distilled the subject down to three points which are useful and applicable.

Each month a group of men and women pray for Christian higher education – the students, parents, faculty, staff, and administration. Please sign up and join us in a time of serious need for prayer support.

Elements of Planning

I was in New York riding down to Wall Street in a cab. A priest stopped the driver asking, “Son, which way to 15th street?” The cabbie very politely explained the directions, let the priest go across the street in front of his vehicle, then turned to me and laughed. “He knows the way to heaven, but can’t get to 15th street!” Planning is both short and long range.

Effective planning includes three elements: simplicity, flexibility, and objectivity.

1) Simplicity. A lot of times I have people come into my office to tell me what they are going to do. Many times I stop them and don’t let them tell the story. Why? Too often they lose steam just telling me. I have seen people experience the thrill of the action just by telling me then avoid the execution. “Just surprise me” is what I usually say. “Tell me about it after you have done it.” Planning, if it gets too complicated, get to be an end in itself and not a means to accomplishment. Complexity is often an ego problem. When someone’s plan becomes too complicated, check for the ego involvement.

2) Flexibility. Henry Ford and his Model T exemplify the problem of rigidity. Ford definitely had a plan – the Model T. He liked it and for years so did the buying public. The jokester said, “Henry Ford offered the Model T in any color the customer wanted – as long as it was black.” Market trends changed and Ford suffered because the plan that once worked beautifully no longer satisfied the buying public. A good plan should be flexible enough so that circumstances don’t have to be forced to fit. Instead, the flexibility of the plan should allow changing circumstances can alter without self-destruction.

3) Objectivity. This means deleting the emotional aspect as much as possible. Common sense should be a key ingredient of the process. To increase the odds of a successful outcome the scientific approach is recommended. I recognize personal interest can never be completely removed, but a workable plan is better devised from an emotional distance. Enthusiasm can sell plans, but strategic thinking should take the lead in the development. Planning should be an exercise in improving the law of averages, don’t you think?

This week think about: 1) Which of the three elements is my strongest? Weakest? 2) What is my planning process? 3) How effective am I in both planning and executing?

Words of Wisdom: “Effective planning includes three elements: simplicity, flexibility, and objectivity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with abundant advisers they are established.” (Proverbs 15:22 NET Bible)

Emotional Balance

Weekly Thought – November 2, 2021

Fred loved going to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN for his annual physical. He developed a cadre of friends whose conversations in their late night sessions stimulated his thinking. When he required surgery to remove a tumor along his jaw bone in the early 1950s he opted for Minnesota knowing he would receive excellent medical attention and time with his cohorts. One of his favorite visits was with Dr. Howard Rome, whose psychiatric prowess made him internationally known. They spent hours batting around philosophical questions. One was always emotional health.

Emotional Balance

Emotional balance is necessary for a healthy life. Pressure is a fact of life. Without internal tension the stem of a flower droops. Without positive tension humans tend to be unproductive. I like to think of vertical and horizontal stress: the first pulls us together and strengthens; the other pulls us apart and destroys.

I have always been intrigued with car racing and race car drivers. One of the reasons is their ability to avoid panic. This, to me, is one of the signs of emotional balance. One year a client invited me to watch the Indy 500 from the pit area. Their professionalism and disciplined demeanor is impressive. You never expect a driver in trouble to close his eyes, throw his hands up, and scream in panic. No, their minds and bodies are trained to do everything possible to avoid the wall, getting the car off the track and into the infield. Panic is not an option.

I participated in a TV show with Craig Morton. During a break I asked him what it took to be a professional quarterback. “You have to have the ability to stay cool in the pocket.” The training and natural ability to stay emotionally balanced is required.

A sense of humor is key to balance. It is the oil that lubricates, reducing life’s friction. I think of laughter as the “oil of gladness.” I don’t believe I have ever seen a list of qualities of maturity that didn’t include sense of humor. It should be a permeating trait, not separated from the other aspects of the personality. It flavors the whole. Norman Cousins, in his famous work Anatomy of an Illness, demonstrated the power of humor. We hear often “laughter is the best medicine.” Cousins proved that through his own hospital experiences. Of course, scripture spoke of that in ancient times: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” It is true.

My friend Jim Smith underwent serious cancer surgery. In the hospital he wanted to volley back and forth with funny stories, even though it hurt to laugh. As we sat there, he pulled his pillow tight against the incision and went right on laughing.

Emotional balance is critical for the all-important mind/body connection. I am convinced we can transmit messages of health from one to another if we maintain that balance.

This week carefully consider: 1) When was the last time I really laughed? 2) How prone am I to panic? 3) What do I need to do to be better at staying cool in the pocket?

Words of Wisdom: “A sense of humor is the oil that lubricates, reducing life’s friction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Banish emotional stress from your mind and put away pain from your body, for youth and the prime of life are fleeting.” (Ecclesiastes 11:10 NET Bible)

Wind Shield

Brenda’s Blog – November 2, 2021

“The storms come, the wind blows, but we are protected.”

Driving through the Midwest, I passed acres of open farmland. Seeming out of place were stands of tall trees surrounding a well-hidden homestead. They are spaced too closely to be part of a landscaping plan. What purpose do these trees serve? Why would anyone plant a box of pines?

Then the wind blows and I understand. They are a wind break – they shield the house from the storms which cross the fields. They secure the structure and the family from devastating weather.

Notable are the height of the trees and the layout. They are not random, nor scrawny. No mesquite trees, or fragile dogwoods surround the homes… the owners planted stout, robust hardwoods and pines. They were spaced “shoulder to shoulder” almost like an army of soldiers with their shields connected one to another.

Clearly they were planted generations ago. Their legacy stands as a lesson in preparation, protection, and provision. During each storm the current owners appreciate the foresight and gift of forefathers who probably dug holes by hand to guard against the storms.

What are you doing right now to create a wind shield for those coming behind? And how are you bolstering your own wall of strength to withstand your storms of daily living? Think of the wind shields you build into your life… faith, family relationships, friends, and financial savings.

When I turned 30 my Dad sent me a short note with these words attached to an article on the third decade: “thankful you have an anchor that holds.” The author described the changes in the thirties as rocky and turbulent – stormy times. Dad knew my anchor was Jesus Christ. He also knew I had a wind break built around my life which would hold against the gales.

Doing God’s Work in God’s Way

Weekly Thought – October 26, 2021

Fred served on multiple Christian ministry boards. His reputation for clear thinking, direct analysis, and understanding of people drew organizations to him. They assumed his management expertise would be transferred to the organizational operating system. How wrong they were because he had definite ideas about the way God’s work should be handled. (Note: these thoughts were excerpted from a talk given in the mid-1980s… he certainly saw the trend).

Doing God’s Work in God’s Way

Corporate leadership is different from leadership in Christ’s church. Author M. Scott Peck once asked me “Why don’t you businessmen take over the church?”

“Because they can’t lead a spiritual church successfully, “I said. “Secular principles that are not anointed by the Holy Spirit are not applicable to the church. In fact, they can pollute it by bypassing the Spirit.”

Yes, some principles can be transferred and over the years I have been associated with some fine leaders in industry as well as in Christian work. My book, Leading With Integrity grew out of my concern that in the institutional church we’ve become too dependent on human leadership principles. We know a lot about effective organizational direction, but my concern is that the church may be trying to do God’s work in man’s way.

Let me be clear. God has given me intelligence and created opportunities. I have a responsibility to use my gifts fully. On the other hand, when I try to accomplish by human means what can be done only by spiritual means, I embezzle God’s authority.

If we are to do it in God’s way we must start with character. I study principles leaders can use to examine their own character and those they lead Christian leaders need to examine themselves, so that with the apostle Paul they can say, “Follow me as I follow Christ.”

The church must be involved in character building, helping men and women to grow into the maturity of Christ. Dr. Howard Rome, head of psychiatry at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN gave me a book and inscribed these words: “Few men have the imagination to grasp the truth of reality.” In my writing and through the website I want not only your imagination but your faith to grasp and awakened to the truth of Christlikeness in our church leadership.

It is tempting to attend leadership seminars presented by business gurus and then attempt to apply them to the church without the leading of the Spirit. We need discernment to filter and apply correctly, always depending on God’s will for the church.

This week carefully consider: 1) How does my church leadership team maintain correct focus? 2) Who models following God rather than man to build a church? 3) What am I seeing in churches which compromised their spiritual discernment?

Words of Wisdom: “My concern is that the church may be trying to do God’s work in man’s way.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Clear Identity

Brenda’s Blog – October 19, 2021

“Remember who you are, where you are from, and what you represent.”

Our parents adopted this phrase as a farewell admonition when we were children, especially our Mom. I can still see her standing at the door as we left for school (walking, of course, in those days!) smiling and speaking these words.

Years later they still ring true. They encapsulate a fundamental trio of principles which are critical to healthy living.

In trying to pass this on to my children I was amused by my son who asked innocently “Mom, what do we represent?” A profound query, isn’t it?

In today’s fluid, floundering world these three “remembrances” erect a foundation for stability.

Who you are – I am a child of God, daughter of the King who was created with purpose and intention. I have gifts to be used in the body of Christ and skills/talents which are to be used for the good of all. I am a woman designed to live out His plan for me. As a child I could always say “I am the daughter of Fred and Mary Alice Smith.” That spoke volumes about the expectations, responsibilities, and joys.

Where you are from – This usually had a geographical answer, but it was deeper than that. I was from a family who valued integrity, faith, and responsibility. I am from the heart of my parents with their hopes for me to be a productive woman. As I aged I could look at all my experiences, travels, and relationships with an eye to defining them as part of the answer. Every chapter of my book was illustrated with my “where I am from” stories.

What you represent – This one puzzled us as children. But as we grew it became the most important of the three. We represented our family, our faith, and our work. We strove for reputations that preceded us with pride and honor. We wanted to be thought of as men and women who cherished the right and stood for the true. We represent the Lord Jesus Christ and in addition, our country, our church, and our communities. We represent those who are interested in discovery, curious about life, and eager for adventures. We want to represent the grateful who seek to grow.

Think about your answers and perhaps consider challenging your friends and family to respond.

Disciplined Decisions

Weekly Thought -October 19, 2021

Fred excelled in disciplining his decisions. He, also, made this exercise part of his mentoring. He knew healthy organizations depended heavily on the skill of leadership in assessing situations and making wise, effective decisions.

Disciplined Decisions

As leaders, our decisions determine the character of our organizations. We cannot afford to make exceptions for ourselves. If the President cuts corners, it sets standards for the entire organization. In my experience, dishonesty at the top encourages it throughout.

I have seen some leaders overlook “small dishonesties” as a way to glue the organization to the leader through guilt… it may even become an informal perk. If the company philosophy says honesty is the best policy, then it must be the only policy. My mentor at GENESCO had a policy: “If it has to be done, it has to be done right. If it can’t be done right, it doesn’t have to be done.” Where others took short cuts we had to work to find creative solutions with integrity.

Leaders must recognize that their character directly affects how they operate. They must make disciplined decisions. For example, working from the desire to maintain total control does not usually result in a healthy organization. Some leaders operate with the agenda of protecting personal position. Leadership development in such situations is thwarts personnel development.

I was once in a ministry reorganization that raised the control question. “Is this work his or His?” “Does it belong to the leader or to God?” When I hear a ministry leader say “God called me to head up this organization” I want to ask “For what purpose: to give you a lifetime job, or that the mission might be accomplished?” Control driven ministry leaders are usually more self-serving than God-serving.

Certainly there are times of emergency when unilateral control may be required for a short time – until the emergency is resolved.

Control oriented leadership doesn’t establish succession. I was once asked to take the helm as President of an organization that had long been led by a dictatorial head. I knew my team approach would not be profitable because the staff was trained to act on orders, not to think through solutions. I couldn’t in good conscience ask people who hadn’t taken responsibility for results for years to begin to think for themselves. My experience teaches me the perpetuity of the healthy organization is management’s first responsibility, and so leadership development at all levels is of prime importance. Successful succession is a leader’s responsibility and often a test of character.

Think carefully about: 1) What measures do I use to assess the health of an organization? 2) How careful am I to make disciplined decision – even in the smallest matter? 3) Who looks up to me as a model for character development?

Words of Wisdom: “Leaders must recognize that their character directly affects how they operate.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Listen to advice and receive discipline, that you may become wise by the end of your life.” (Proverbs 19:20 NET Bible)

The Art of Being Mentored

Weekly Thought – October 12, 2021

Fred’s reputation as a nationally recognized speaker, management consultant, and board member morphed during his career to be immediately associated with mentoring. He was known as “mentor to a generation of leaders.” By the end of his life that aptly became generations.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. With my mentors, I tried to be a good student. As I studied the process I recognized four key elements in being successfully mentored.

1) Admit your ignorance. I never tried to impress my mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance is as foolish as hiding symptoms from a doctor. Dr. Walter Hearn, a biochemist at Yale University surprised me once by saying, “Fred, every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorance than you were when you woke up.” He explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon that increased in size daily, it touched more and more ignorance on the periphery of its environment. The more I knew the more I knew I didn’t know. Arrogant people are proud of their knowledge; the humble are familiar with their ignorance.

2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of keys is asking a question the person wants to answer. A young professor recently told me about asking a prominent speaker two questions following an award ceremony. The man disregarded all those trying to shake his hand and concentrated on answering only those two questions. The professor asked questions the man wanted to answer.

3) Do your homework. With my two mentors I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful in minimizing verbiage. When we met in person I had already organized my questions; I knew it was not a social situation. If we later spent time together that was up to them, not me. My mentors knew I would not waste their time. In fact, I never walked in their offices and sat down until invited. Preparation shows respect and a readiness to make progress.

4) Never try to “use” your mentor. A person with a high-profile, well-known mentor can be tempted to reference him/her in ways that really are manipulative. Quoting the mentor out of context, attempting to build a relationship for personal gain, or name dropping inappropriately are examples. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the teacher. The mentor likes being there when achievement occurs. I now at this age spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I make no charge. But I get amply paid by the accomplishments I see in them.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my mentors? 2) How well do I prepare to be a mentoree? 3) What is my desired outcome from the relationship?

Words of Wisdom: “A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still; teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.” (Proverbs 9:9 NET Bible)

Denial as the Default

Weekly Thought – October 5, 2021

Fred told the truth. His upbringing in the home of a Southern Baptist blacksmith with massive hands and arms turned preacher may have had something to do with this. He valued truth and questioned to uncover the real story many times. “Staying current and facing the facts” were bywords. Denial made little sense to him and was definitely not part of his operating system.

Denial as the Default

The theme song for many goes, “say it isn’t so.” Saying it isn’t so is not making it not so. Yet so often we deny our problems and actually accept denial as one of the ways to solve them. How many times have you heard “leave it alone – it will go away.” I even knew an otherwise bright executive who consciously ignored such things as oil leaking from his car for, he said, “it will probably correct itself.” By denying the problem he delayed the solution – and also increased the damage.

Delay is a form of denial. Once a young man with an exceptional education and family connections asked me to lunch to discuss his business future. When I asked what he had been doing he said “I am looking for the right opportunity.” I thought a shock would be helpful so I told him “you have a great deal of potential n- in fact, you have all you have ever had for certainly you have used none of it.” Later on, one of his peers described him to me as a “Rolls Royce with a loose steering gear.” This sounds unkind, but he could be helped mightily by having his denial by delay pointed out clearly.

Some intellectual problems are handled by denial. Once I was talking with a well-known talk show host recognized for his intellectual, but liberal worldview. When I asked him if he believed in “original sin” he replied, “That would be an awful thought.” Can we escape a fact by calling it an idea, a concept, a viewpoint? Trying to escape the reality we want to deny is a fool’s errand.

Every day we consider ways to avoid the truth. For example, diplomacy is one way we delay and deny our political problems. With cosmetics we deny the aging process. Even in death we dress up the corpse to evoke the response, “doesn’t he/she look wonderful?” Even our vocabulary teaches us about denial. When installment credit plans were developed they were dubbed “convenience purchasing,” not debt. Often, we substitute the word progress for change, even when it is going in a downward direction. Euphemisms become the socially acceptable way of addressing negative events. We shield ourselves from unpleasant facts by giving them new names or definitions.

We are often tempted to deny relational problems. Therapists tell us of refuge in silent denial prominent in troubled homes. Lack of verbal communication supposedly covers the fact of a family breakdown. The ache of losing a child is sometimes covered by building a shrine in the child’s room, pretending death did not occur.
Kubler-Ross says the second step in grief recovery is denial. It is all right to let people deny for a short time, because rushing them into objective examination without gaining equilibrium is unhealthy. But remaining in denial doesn’t result in emotional health, either.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “Denial is not a river in Egypt.” It is a place to move through on the way to health and maturity when grieving. It is a poor choice for living if we build it into our operating system.

This week think about: 1) When am I most tempted to deny or delay? 2) Where have I short circuited my growth by not facing facts? 3) Who is a good truth teller for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Delay is a form of denial.”

Wisdom from the Word: “What should we do with these men? For it is plain to all who live in Jerusalem that a notable miraculous sign has come about through them, and we cannot deny it.” (Acts 4:16 NET Bible)

Shopping for Compliments

Brenda’s Blog – October 5, 2021

“I am a really good shopper. The grocery bill was only $5.85!”

In 1966 I was a newly wed finishing college and living with my husband in an $80/month apartment. On weekends we traveled thirty miles to my husband’s home where we did the week’s wash, ate his Mom’s tremendous meals, and did the weekly shopping at his Dad’s grocery store on the midwestern town’s square.

Getting home with bags of staples, fresh vegetables, and meat I proudly boasted about my shopping expertise. What an extraordinary gift I had for stretching our student budget.

Each week Grandpa would rush to the cash register when I completed the list and check me out. I loved seeing how expertly I managed our money.

One Saturday morning the store was particularly busy and he was tied up behind the meat counter. One of the friendly young women who worked up front stepped over and checked me out – much to my dismay! How in the world could a similar shopping list cost at least four times the ordinary Saturday amount?

It was literally years before it dawned on me Grandpa was the miracle worker on those Saturday shopping trips. I wasn’t superior – he was absorbing 3 out of 4 items in the cart. He humbly listened to my bragging without saying a critical word. He continued to give me his loving deep discount without criticism.

I was the receiver and beneficiary of his grace and generosity.

I don’t think I ever told him or thanked him.

Who has shown grace to you? Who has silently showered blessings on you? Consider those times when you were the recipient of another’s graciousness.

If a lightbulb goes off like it did for me, stop and thank the person right away. Then become the grace giver for another without a desire for repayment, or recognition.

If Grandpa were still alive I would so love to hug him in appreciation. He taught me a lesson over 50 years ago in Johnstown, Ohio. What a blessing!

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