Fatherly wisdom

Weekly Thought – June 29, 2021

Fred rarely sat down and said to his children, “Listen up, I am going to give you wise words.” On occasion he did sit down at his old Selectric typewriter, masterfully using the two finger “hunt and peck system.” This week’s thought is unusual, personal, and brief. Found after Father’s Day his daughter Brenda shared a memo sent in April, 1992. As always, the truths are timely and timeless.

Fatherly wisdom

To Brenda

Today you took another step in the same direction, not a new road. You are on your way to develop marketable career skills and relations. Increased income and/or company promotion is important, but not controlling. Progress, not winning/losing is your emphasis.

Your continued strengths are your integrity, learnability, relations, knowledge, and superior effort. Keep networking and upward as much as possible. Power is a necessity for action. A small vital effective fish will be put into a larger lake. I like to look out of place where I am and like I belong in a larger one. Be the kind of person others want to help succeed. Keep your contact in good repair – neglected contacts corrode.

Along the way make use of mentors and sponsors (not always the same). You need a challenging situation among real pros. The good student calls forth the good teacher…”when the student is ready the teacher will appear” so goes the ancient Greek saying. In the meantime learn from everyone all you can. Share what you have with others and so feel worthy of help you might get.

These are just a few thoughts running through my mind for the last few days as I have thought about your move into the sales manager’s job. Also I might add: every title has a value in your climb up the executive ladder.

Bless, Dad.

This week think about: 1) What words do I have for my children? 2) Which of Fred’s counsel really hits home for me? 3) How faithful am I to consider my family, my colleagues, and my friends?

Words of Wisdom: “Progress, not winning/losing is your emphasis.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Listen, children, to a father’s instruction, and pay attention so that you may gain discernment.” (Proverbs 4:1 NET Bible)

Blame Shifting

Brenda’s Blog – June 29, 2021

“Not my fault, not my fault!”

Three year old Jeff sat on the floor mumbling to himself. As I got closer I bent over to hear what he was saying: “Not my fault, not my fault!”

“Jeff, why are you saying that?” I asked. “I am practicing for when the girls (his two older sisters) blame me. As the youngest one, the girls often shifted blame to him. They ably put on innocent faces and pointed fingers at their little brother, thinking we would actually buy it!

That is a funny sibling story, but not so humorous when seen in adults. Sadly, our culture often rewards those who deftly avoid personal responsibility and slide past accountability. Mastering the art of dodging receives too much applause and too many accolades. Being slick is no longer shameful but worthy of high fives.

Let’s resolve to be people of integrity who “own up” instead of those who “double down.”

Identifying Principles, Appreciating Experience

Weekly Thought – June 22, 2021

Fred believed firmly in principle based thinking long before it was a “hot topic” for leadership books. His efforts to distill ideas down to the simplest form, bringing out the fundamentals were a hallmark of his speaking, writing, and consulting. He processed each experience deriving the value.

Identifying Principles, Appreciating Experience

It is critical to process and archive our experiences by principles which remain constant, not just techniques which vary. For example, young people like to worship God through contemporary praise music while I am still singing “The Old Rugged Cross” and “In the Garden.” The worship of God is the principle the way we do it is the technique.

During the Second World War the government tested a large group of enlistees, finding only seven percent could think in principles while ninety-seven thought in techniques. We found that true in industrial training – principles could only be taught with technique attached. Our daughter Brenda studies personality types. She talks about the difference between abstract and concrete thinking.

Experience is a distillation of all the things that have happened to us therefore it is very important we objectively file them without romanticizing or fantasizing (like old men repeating stories of their athletic prowess). Some people unfortunately become less than objective about their experiences, trying to repeat successes based on technique, not on principle. I was asked to advise in one of the national strikes. Finding that the executive in charge was trying to repeat a success he had with strikes in years past. The critical point was the fact that the situation was different as were the players. He failed to assess the principles so the “long of tooth” techniques did not match changing time and personnel.
I often speak of operating from the current reality it is another way of saying, “understand the principles and then choose appropriate, relevant techniques that will work.”

Experience is valuable in development because it gives us data for decision making. We learn what works and what doesn’t. One key component of making good use of experience is to let us recognize how we operate under stress. This information is critical.

It is an old saw, but well worth repeating. A young man asked an older, successful business person, “What is the basis of your success?” “Good judgment,” was the elder’s reply. “Where did the good judgment come from?” Quickly the answer came back, “Experience.” The younger man had one more question “Where did the experience come from?” “Bad judgment.”

Undoubtedly, a good deal of that process involved learning to think in terms of principles, not just techniques.

This week carefully consider: 1) What has helped me to learn to assess situations in term of principles, not just techniques? 2) Who models this distinction for me? 3) How careful am I to properly process my experiences, outlining what I have learned?

Words of Wisdom: “Our growth through perseverance brings experience which we can never lose. It is important that we store our experiences more in principles than in techniques.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing.” (Philippians 4:12 NET Bible)

Keeping Things Healthy

Weekly Thought – June 15, 2021

Fred thought much about maturity and health. He engaged in conversations with interesting people who wanted to pursue these themes. As a lifelong learner he constantly sought out ways to deepen his knowledge. One of his areas of intellectual pursuit was emotional health. This week’s excerpt was written in the 80s before psychological research delved into the effect of shame on humans.

In the coming months the archive will undergo a process of capturing the content stored on 3×5 cards – over 13,000 of them! This will be a robust undertaking, but one which will further provide access to Fred’s thinking.

Keeping Things Healthy

I have eclectic reading interests although I stay within the context of philosophy, psychology, and theology. This allows me to study deeply about the nature of God and the nature of man.

My friend T. George Harris, former editor of American Health, devoted an entire issue to the healthful advantages derived from fun. The Christian has the great possibility of moving on to joy. George, Norman Cousins and others in the medical community are building a body of research on the impact of laughter on physical health and healing. Long before they began their studies we find scripture which supports their thinking: “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”

There is a downside to this principle, as well. Scientists are finding that cocaine attacks the pleasure center of the brain. After repeated and prolonged usage, the addict cannot feel pleasure without cocaine.

An article on shame pointed out the neglect of this as a source emotion from which other emotions spring. Much study has been done on guilty, but shame is just now coming into a research topic. I have been doing thinking about it. When I was with Dr. Weber, the Stanford professor of plastic surgery, we had an opportunity to talk about the topic. He said that much is done to improve self-image. As I considered this I saw the difference between shame and guilt. One is an evaluation of condition the other is a reaction to behavior based on personal value systems. The article said that the only physical evidence of shame is “a turning away of the face.” It makes me think of Adam’s response to God, “I hid myself for I was ashamed.”

Revenge is not present in the emotional repertoire of healthy people. It is definitely one of the most damaging of all emotions. Hans Selye, the noted Nobel prize winning scientist in studying stress concluded revenge is the number one emotion to avoid. In having lunch with a corporate President he told me of extremely difficult times centered around a competitor. “I am going to get those suckers!” was his response. I reminded him that good competition is perfectly healthy, but revenge is beyond the pale, especially for a Christian. Scripture says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” God doesn’t want us filling our lives with a vengeful attitude.
Emotional health is part of the bedrock for good living. As we establish well-being the anchors are financial, relational, physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional maturity.

This week carefully consider: 1) How would I measure my emotional well-being? 2) What remnants of revenge still exist? 3) Who can I help assess their maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For it says in scripture, ‘Look, I lay in Zion a stone, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and whoever believes in him will never be put to shame.’” (1 Peter 2:6 NET Bible)

True to Yourself

Brenda’s Blog – June 15, 2021

“Find out what you’re good at and do lots of it.”

Archie Manning, all-pro football player, and father of the Manning men of football fame is seen in a commercial reminding son Eli of this wisdom in an ad for barbeque grills.

The words have universal application, don’t they? A young woman selected as commencement speaker for her college class wrote of her career direction. “Everyone in my family were educators and all advised me to choose that major, so I did. But I just knew that wasn’t for me after a while. When I changed to digital media I found my fit and I look forward to years of developing my skills.”

She is going to certainly do lots of it!

My Dad constantly counseled people (young and old) to identify their uniqueness: their God-given design. Additionally, he advised developing strengths and bolstering weaknesses. Time and energy are valuable and fleeting resources. Wasting either on endeavors less than “what you are good at” is fruitless.

Bill Hendricks of The Giftedness Center in Dallas, Texas captures this principle succinctly and powerfully: “Focus on the called to, not the can do.” We live in a multi-tasking culture which lauds the driven. Women particularly buy into the whirling dervish lifestyle. But even brain science is now proving disjointed, distracted activities do not produce effective results. Fishing deep rather than jumping from place to place often produces a larger haul.

Identifying our uniqueness then committing to the systematic development is a worthy life goal.

Pot of Gold

Weekly Thought – June 8, 2021

Fred spent years consulting with and speaking to executives and corporations. Without fail he sat down with people at breakfast and listened to their stories. They sought him out for his wisdom. With each conversation Fred filed away principles and illustrations for future interactions.

Pot of Gold

A young preacher told me of a meeting with the town’s most prominent citizen soon after arriving at the church. “Young man, you have not seen me I church and you will not see me until my funeral. I own this town and the mill. When I came here as a young immigrant I heard in America there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I found the gold, pastor, but I lost the rainbow.”

The rainbow from its inception has been the symbol of promise and hope. It is the assurance from God to Noah and all who followed. It speaks of a permanent relationship with the eternal and divine. The mill owner lost the meaning of hope and joy.

Recently, a restless friend said, “I feel a lack of joy in my life. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.” He seemed to be taking a passive position, reacting to a life in which he was acted upon by circumstances, pressured by events, and absorbing the pessimism of those around him. He lost the concept of taking responsibility for joy. He gave up the courage to take charge of his life.

When I speak of “joy for the journey” I am not talking about surface happiness which can comes like the wind without knowing where or why. It is not an emotional response to fortuitous circumstances – it is much more. We need joy when life is out of joint. Joy is the deep adequacy found in the will to survive. It is found in the faith to believe “all things work together for good.”

Oftentimes I’ve read of “secrets” of joy but actually there are no secrets to be hunted and found like Easter eggs, prided out of some mysterious guru, found in effervescent books, or discovered in esoteric cults. Joy is the result of life’s being lived in hope. It truly is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Joy is available to any normal, healthy personality. I am convinced if we have ever been capable of knowing joy we can develop and control our emotions making joy a comfortable and permanent state.

That “somewhere over the rainbow” is not just the pot of gold, but a true spiritual home that can be ours, reflecting hope.

This week think about: 1) How do I control my emotions to produce joy? 2) What makes me happy; what gives me joy? 3) Who can I encourage to focus on hope and not just the pot of gold?

Words of Wisdom: “The rainbow from its inception has been the symbol of promise and hope. It is the assurance from God to Noah and all who followed. It speaks of a permanent relationship with the eternal and divine.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But set Christ apart as Lord in your hearts and always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks about the hope you possess.” (1 Peter 3:15 NET Bible)

Focusing Passion

Weekly Thought – June 1, 2021

Fred thought strategically. His analytical style allowed him to maintain objectivity. A strong element in his approach was the clarification of passion. This week, his words build on his rational view of passion.

Focusing Passion

“Passion is concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.” That definition is one of my favorites.

Effective leaders are imbued with passion. It gives energy to the business; it sustains in difficult times, and it gives hope.

My theologian friend Dr. Ramesh Richard says, “First in life, decide on your passion. What is your first love? If you have multiple passions, you’ll be ripped to pieces internally, resulting in a fragmented, random life. If anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is your first love, you will fall into idolatry.”

The advantages of a clear, healthy passion are multiple: 1) brings purpose, unity, intensity, and concentration; 2) gives intentionally to life; 3) provides depth keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity.

Examples of passionate leaders: 1) Solzhenitsyn had an undying passion for truth and principle; 2) Mother Teresa, a passion for the dying; 3) Moody, Spurgeon, and Graham – a passion for souls; and 4) Churchill whose indomitable passion of will gave the British the needed wartime stamina.

I see two sources of passion: 1) Received as a gift- the person is born with an exceptional capacity for passion. They can unite the mind, heart, and spirit. They have the ability to lose themselves in a cause, dedicating themselves to a single purpose. I listened to an older writer being interviewed by a younger one.” If you had your life to live over, what would you do?” His answer: “I would find something big enough to give myself to.” 2) Vision – the clearer the vision, the more focused the passion. If the vision becomes blurred, the passion becomes dissipated. In an organization where everyone buys into and fully understands the passion and purpose, all effort is unified with high energy. An organization without passion is a car without gasoline, a rocket without fuel.

Passion does not always express itself the same way in leaders… one may be quiet, and another effervescent. It is a mistake to equate passion with charisma.

The purpose of our passion must have integrity. I have heard leaders complain that their employees don’t have the same desire for success that they do. On further examination, often I found the dedication was to personal success, rather than organizational success.

I often ask a question: “Is the object of the passion worthy of the commitment?” The Apostle Paul, a man of exceptional passion, was willing to be accursed if his purpose was not accomplished. Self-sacrifice is the acid test of our passion. While passion supplies hope, tenacity, energy, it also increases vision. It creates its own reality.

I like the prayer of the old saint: “O, Lord, fill my will with fire.” He was asking for passion with a receptive, expectant attitude toward God. A pure passion turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

This week carefully consider: 1) What is my primary passion? 2) How am I expressing this to those around me? 3) When do I get unfocused about my vision?

Words of Wisdom: “An organization without passion is a car without gasoline, a rocket without fuel.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But we passionately want each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of your hope until the end.” (Hebrews 6:11 NET Bible)

Crazy Weather

Brenda’s Blog – June 1, 2021

Put away the duvets, store the flannel sheets, and turn on the fans – it has gone immediately from spring to summer. Or so we thought a week ago. Today, fires are being stoked, sweats are awakened from their hibernation, and soup sounds good! The cold rain, and the dreary 50 degree days followed 90 degree scorchers just three days ago.

What do we learn from this? Don’t move to Texas unless you are “Semper Gumby” as a friend says… translated “ever flexible!”

A majestic flag dominated the front entrance of a Dallas business until a swift wind tore it from its pole. Why? Because it was permanently affixed without any slack. When it was restored its infrastructure contained springs. I have an American flag attached to my log house. At first I nailed all four corners, but soon discovered the East Texas breezes will fight desperately to unseat any nail! So, on those days the top hangs firmly from the log, but the bottom waves patriotically.

Living with no “give” leads to disappointment and often breakage. Age and years teach willow tree wisdom….a slight bend is not only structurally sound, but much more graceful.

The Bible speaks of “stiff-necked people.” They were actually arrogant and egotistical, but they were also focused on control and having their own way. These characteristics don’t play well with a life goal of finishing well. As we learn to surrender the urge to be in charge we learn the softness of submission to God. In turn we experience the joy of more satisfactory relationships.

Tomorrow it may be sweltery again, and all the accoutrements of the cold snap will be snug in their summertime beds. But the lessons of flexibility will continue to grow us as acclimated Texans.