Importance of Discipline

Weekly Thought – November 6, 2018

Fred learned by watching and listening to business leaders he admired. One of the common denominators of all was the consistent use of personal discipline. In mentoring high achievers throughout his life he recognized the necessity of healthy habits. In the family he “encouraged” the children to persevere by quoting the poet’s line: “When nothing but the will says go.”

Breakfast With Fred (BWF) is truly grateful for the encouragement. Your messages, your prayer, and your financial support enable us to move forward with the work, both through the website, weekly thoughts, and Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Your tax-deductible gifts allow us to continue “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Importance of Discipline

Let’s recognize the difference between punishment and discipline. Many people use the words interchangeably, but punishment is what happens when discipline fails.

For years I have observed the importance of discipline in a person’s area of expertise. Many, particularly in performance, live undisciplined lives but are very rigorous about their art. They compartmentalize their strong habits.

In a documentary about famous tenor Pavarotti, it is interesting to see how perfectionistic he is in his artistry, yet totally unregulated in his eating. Having been known as Fat Fred for decades in years past, I understand being calorically-challenged. I found the disconnect between other disciplines in my life and my love of eating. Exercising physical discipline helped me create continuity.

A film on Elvis Presley pointed out the discrepancy between the high level of discipline in his professional and private lives. A friend who was familiar with his work habits told me how Elvis would sit at the piano working on his phrasing hour by hour until it was exactly right. Even such geniuses as Ernest Hemingway who lived a dissolute and destructive life said, “Every morning at 8:00 I bite the nail.”

Bishop Fulton Sheen spoke to a parish priests’ retreat. During his discussion on impact he made the comment: “People listen when I talk. It is because everyday since entering the priesthood I have spent one hour with my Lord. Even when I only had two hours of sleep, I walked the floor and prayed for one hour.” He felt this spiritual discipline gave him power.

Unfortunately, there are people of superior talent who will not submit to discipline. The result is the lack of fulfillment and full development of their potential. For example, I knew a young man with great running ability. In high school he ran so fast he literally ran through the curves on the track. Coaches saw his world class speed and expected to see a future Olympian. He refused to discipline his talent and leaned just on his natural ability. When that wasn’t enough, he stopped running. He even lost his college scholarship. Failure wasn’t lack of talent, but lack of “paying the price.”

As a young man I discovered a simple formula which has contributed to my progress. The secret of a discipline life is building strong habits which then form positive reflexes which are the foundation of healthy living and success. When discipline becomes the normal pattern, the full use of potential and productivity is possible.

This week think about: 1) Where are my areas of strongest discipline? 2) Who can I encourage to build healthy habits? 3) What has been the most satisfying reward of exercising discipline?

Words of Wisdom: “Punishment is what happens when discipline fails.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Acquire truth and do not sell it— wisdom, and discipline, and understanding.” (Proverbs 23:23 NET Bible)

Way Too Close

Brenda’s Blog – November 6, 2018

“Error message: your proximity sensor is not working.”

My go to response was “ignore it and it will go away.” Right? I got so tired of seeing the message, clicking for it to go away, and then trying to use the phone until it popped up again.

Finally, after weeks I thought… “what is a proximity sensor?” Searching for the answer I found a technical description which left me with nothing but more questions. Then I asked, “what makes a proximity sensor stop working?” Ah, ha! Helpful information at last.
“When a screen protector is incorrectly applied, the proximity sensor is deactivated.”

I immediately knew the answer – I installed a screen protector myself with no assistance. Even though it didn’t fit exactly right, it was a “close enough” job. Then the error messages began. I removed the protector and the messages disappeared.

People have proximity sensors, as well. We have what psychologists call “psychic space.” This varies from person to person and even culture to culture. We know when someone closes in and creates a social claustrophobia. We create barriers which send error messages to those who violate our space. We move, we fold our arms, we grimace – all as ways of saying, “Back off, you are making me nervous.”
How careful are you to read others well? How discerning are you when meeting new people? What do you do when the error message appears on the face of another?

Just like my phone drove me nuts when the repeating message which deterred the efficient use, we can miss the message from others who are saying, “I really want this conversation to work, but you are crowding me and creating a distraction.”

Effective communication results from well-developed skills used efficiently. The habit of reading people involves recognizing their space requirements and working within them to facilitate easy conversation.

Keeping Criticism Helpful

Weekly Thought – October 30, 2018

Fred enjoyed critical thinking, but worked hard to put aside a critical spirit. He analyzed his own motivations and constantly put forth an effort to stay in a “blessing frame of mind.” His perspective on criticism gives us all much to think about.

The What’s Next Roundtable is well into the fall season. Please lift up the team members, the campuses, and the desire for God to be glorified in all that is said and done.

Keeping Criticism Helpful

Recently, I tried to analyze the reasons I criticize. Three of them were negative and one was positive.

Reason one: If before ten o’clock in the morning I have been critical of everything and everybody, I stop and say: “Fred, what’s wrong with you? What are you mad at yourself about?” And generally, I have to go and make a call to apologize to somebody. My environment won’t straighten out that day until I quit being mad at myself and taking it out on everybody else. If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge. Mary Alice used to tell the children to remember when they pointed at somebody else to look at their hand and see that three fingers (and even a thumb) were pointing back at them.

The second reason: To show superior knowledge. How often does some fellow show you a great idea and you are enthusiastic but then suddenly say to yourself: “I can’t be too enthusiastic because he may feel he is as smart as I am.” That drives you to say, “Joe, that is a great idea but…” Many “yeah, buts” come from the desire to show your superiority.

The third reason: A root of negative criticism is usually a performer who didn’t make the grade. Those who start well but don’t make the A list often become critics. I have seen failed executives become toxic within an organization because their criticism becomes bitter.

Now the positive reason: A genuine desire to bring improvement in a person or organization. It can be done quietly. True, positive criticism is not done in the earshot of others. Ordinarily those who are operating in a negative criticism mode make it public and loud. Really good positive criticism is specific and directed only to the point that needs correction. When you can positively criticize you are demonstrating emotional stability as a leader.

We often hear this described as constructive and destructive criticism. In my interest to stretch others, I want to be clear about my motivations and I want to focus on keeping criticism positive.

This week think about: 1) What was my motivation the last time I criticized someone? 2) Who has been helpful in teaching me the good use of criticism? 3) How can I shift my focus from negative to positive?

Words of Wisdom: “If I criticize too many, I’m just passing the buck on a self-grudge.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The speech of the righteous bears the fruit of wisdom, but the one who speaks perversion will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 10:31 NET Bible)

Clarifying Expectations

Weekly Thought – October 23, 2018

Fred’s objectivity allowed him to live without unrealistic expectations. His desire to continually “keep current” on his facts, his relationships, and his environment gave him a healthy advantage. He refused to live as a member of the “used-ta club.” He consistently checked to make sure he was up to date.

BWF thanks you for your financial and prayer support. We know you are knee deep in requests from valuable, Christ-centered ministries. Our ability to continue the weekly thoughts, campus events, and future publishing efforts depend on your tax-deductible support. You are greatly appreciated.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of a long-time client. We worked together for many years on various projects with great success and deepening relationship. He was also one of my favorite people. The productive work outcomes would suggest we perfectly understood each other’s goals, wouldn’t it? Let me tell you about an interesting experiment and see how you can apply it to your situation.

“Good morning, Sam,” I said, reaching across his desk for two pieces of paper from his legal pad. I handed him one and kept the other for myself. “Write down on the paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to your organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

A word of caution – you have to have a time-tested relationship with a client to do this. But isn’t it a good exercise?

Do you know what happened when we turned the pages face up? The answers were diametrically opposed! The thing I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was nearly opposite what he wanted me to do, What he was expecting (and paying me to do) wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar expectations. Think about your clients, family members, friends, associates, church and community committee members. Consider how little you may know some of them, yet assume you know their expectations.

How often do we go full steam ahead sure we are “on the same page?” Consider the outcome of these times when we get down the road only to find out we were operating from different assumptions and desired outcomes.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? The consulting relationship and possibly the friendship would have suffered. Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.

Think carefully about: 1) What do I use to clarify assumptions in my work and in my family? 2) How can I identify with Fred’s example? 3) How often do I sit down with my family to make sure we are clear?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You must inscribe on the stones all the words of this law, making them clear.” (Deuteronomy 27:8 NET Bible)

Generational Confidence

Brenda’s Blog – October 23, 2018

“You can do it, Mimi. I believe in you!”

The cute seven year old urged his grandmother to get into the pool. She was hesitant and afraid of the water. With his sweet face smiling at her, he patiently waited for her to walk into the shallow end of the pool. AND SHE DID! Her look of accomplishment was only outshone by the thrill of her grandson.

One of the questions we ask college students at our Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute events is “Who first said ‘I believe in you.’ “You would expect these student leaders to quickly respond, wouldn’t you? But often (way too often) we hear, “No one has said that to me.”

One young man recently said, “My Dad was mean to my Mom and me. He told me I was nothing but trouble.” Another responded, “I knew I was loved but my parents never told me they believed in me.”

The positive answers are usually coach, Sunday School teacher, or grandparents.

The last thing we do as a team before leaving a school is line up as a team and ask the students to form a line. They come by; receive a handshake, and a word of encouragement or blessing. Many times this includes looking straight into their eyes and saying “I believe in you.”
Who first said “I believe in you?” Then another important question: “Who is hearing from you ‘I believe in you’?”

A woman at Jarvis Christian College came up as we left, hugged, and said, “You spoke life into us this weekend.” THAT is what motivates us to travel “on our own dime and time” to college campuses fulfilling the mission: Stretching and Blessing the Next Generation of Leaders… to the Glory of God.

“You can do it, Mimi!” AND SHE DID.

Define The Base

Weekly Thought – October 16, 2018

Fred consistently studied human nature. He was invited to join high powered negotiation teams for his skills in discernment and communication. His grasp of human nature, as well as the nature of God, gave him an effective platform.

Planning is underway for the upcoming trip to Greenville University for the BWFLI sponsored What’s Next Roundtable. A team of men and women will engage students in conversations centered around mentoring, networking, and persevering. Pray with and for them. Your financial support is needed to finish out the year. Thank you for donating to the mission of “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Define The Base

Adler, the eminent psychiatrist, helped me with his observation that everyone is logical if you understand the base from which they operate. For example, if you were to go into the mental health facility and see a short man with his hat turned sideways, and his hand in his shirt you might assume he thinks he is Napoleon. Then, if you greeted him warmly with “Good morning, Napoleon,” and he acknowledges the greeting it would be perfectly logical. His base premise would be his identification as the French leader. Architecture gives us another example: the tower of Pisa. We all know it as the “leaning tower.” The building is absolutely square to itself – the base that is tilted.

I’ve had labor relations situations where this understanding has been extremely helpful. I was involved in an imminent strike situation in which the employees were determined to engage in a long, bitter strike. This would have resulted in catastrophic financial loss to the employees, but their minds were set.

I asked the negotiating lawyer if they mentioned the company’s making money from the strike. This assumption was mentioned more than any other complaint. The employees truly believed the company would benefit financially from a strike. “They repeat this more than anything else,” was his response. I recommended to the owner he call the employees together and explain to them in believable language the truth – the company was NOT going to profit from the threatened strike. The employees accepted his word and avoided the strike. When each party understood the basic operating premise, an environment for resolution could occur.

When an organization or individual differed with me, I used to assume they were unreasonable. But when I started practicing this principle of logical premise, it made a big difference. I started looking for their base. It was an effective change in my thinking.

As a parent I was given the opportunity to practice this regularly. When I couldn’t make sense of a child’s decision and was tempted to strongly challenge them, I stopped to say “What is their operating base?” I can’t say I always took the time to work this out before reacting to what I saw was foolishness, but I got better. We see this so very often in the political arena. We see our politicians pushing and pulling in a seeming illogical manner. When we stop to analyze the premise of each argument, we can more often understand their position. It doesn’t mean we have to agree, but we can create a ground for communication.

Logic is an outgrowth of the operating system. Properly understand the base and you will understand the logic. It may not be a pleasant behavior, but it follows the underlying assumption.

This week think about: 1) Who seems illogical to me that might serve as a learning lab? 2) What assumptions are part of my operating system that confuse others? 3) When do I expect understanding to result in agreement?

Words of Wisdom: “Properly understand the base and you will understand the logic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God—with skill, with understanding, with knowledge, and in all kinds of work,” (Exodus 35:31 NET Bible)

A Flexibility Born of Faith

Weekly Thought – October 9, 2018

Fred’s support of the local church, Christian ministries, and particularly spiritual leaders began early in his life as the son of a Southern Baptist pastor. He taught his family to provide friendship, guidance, and support to vocational Christians. Serving on numerous national boards, several as chair, gave him an opportunity to use his gifts of wisdom and discernment to further the Kingdom. He was known as one who spoke unvarnished truth. It was always with no personal agenda, but with concern for the welfare of the organization. These words from the late 1980s are absolute on target today.

A Flexibility Born of Faith

As I think about spiritual leadership, I become convinced the key is the Holy Spirit’s energizing and directing the leader’s uniqueness and gifts by giving him or her a vision that creates a passion. I have never known a lazy or confused leader who had a clear sense of passion.

For twenty years I’ve been writing for Christian leaders. I’ve spoken to many groups, large and small. I realize it is a difficult time to be a Christian leader in an almost totally secular society. There is renewed interest in spirituality which is cultish, not Christian.

Faith-based leaders have lost much of the respect hey once had in society. Burnout is common. Depression is almost epidemic. And stress is exploding. Immorality and divorce rates are increasing within the faith community. Short tenure in the pastorate and ministry leadership is too common. More and more preachers and teachers are faced with the demand for entertainment in their message and excitement in their programs.

Could a major part of the problem be that leaders have lost their vital identification with the Lord? Have they become convinced they work for the church rather than for God? Those who feel they work for a church board surrender their authority in spiritual leadership.

I believe there is a flexibility in spiritual leadership that is based on faith in God’s provision and direction. It is a calling, not a career. I have great respect for a prominent minister who privately says, ‘I would be glad to get out of the ministry if God would let me off the hook. In fact, if He doesn’t keep me in, I would be out.” His calling from God wasn’t a business decision – it was an “I can do no other” response to God’s call.

It is possible, even probable, that some in Christian leadership are misplaced. Leaders who are not endowed with gifts energized by the Spirit become easy prey to the human methodology of leadership. This opens them to the temptation of power, prestige, and money.

Those who operate from a gifted calling seem to have a flexibility born of faith. They didn’t manipulate their way into leadership, nor do they play politics to remain there. They have a calling to fulfill, not a profession to pursue. They have a strong feeling of stewardship but little feeling of ownership. Their greatness is in serving; they joy is in Kingdom work.

This week think about: 1) Who do I know in ministry who needs my encouragement? 2) What can I do to stand behind my pastor? 3) How can I strengthen my own vision and passion for the Kingdom?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who feel they work for a church board surrender their authority in spiritual leadership.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You must follow the LORD your God and revere only him; and you must observe his commandments, obey him, serve him, and remain loyal to him.” (Deuteronomy 13:4 NET Bible)

Making The Climb

“In Jesus’ name, press on.”

Selah is a Christian group privileged to minister through their music. Years ago they recorded a song titled Press On. Click here to listen to this song. Some of the familiar lines are: “when the valley is deep; when the mountain is steep; when the body is weary; when I stumble and fall.” Very familiar human conditions, aren’t they? The chorus exhorts the listener: “In Jesus’ name, press on.”

In the early 2000s I undertook a job which was lucrative, but for which I was a terrible misfit. I put on my game face, went out day by day to conquer, then retreated back home to my caregiving responsibilities.

On one particularly difficult day, I returned to the office dragging in spirit and body. The Christian radio station played this song as I sat in the parking garage talking myself into opening the car door. Suddenly, I just couldn’t move. I sat and listened to those words while tears ran down my not-so-game face. “In Jesus’ name, press on.” Just the hope I needed.

In the nearly 20 years since that day I have often turned to Selah’s rendition for encouragement. And I send the words to others whose bodies are weary and spirits are wracked. The strength of these words is the very fact it doesn’t say, “Tie a knot and hang on.” Or, “Pull yourself up by your boot straps.” No, it says the way up and out is pressing on in the name of Jesus.

We are going to be in deep valleys as long as we live. And certainly mountain ranges are going to rise up to challenge our faith, but the name of Jesus will never lose its efficacious power. So, on the worst of days I can confidently press on. YAY,God!

Our Legacy to the Next Generation

Weekly Thought – October 2, 2018

Fred thought deeply from a young age. He confused his parents with his need for a quiet, “thinking place” which he found in the attic. He also took his responsibility to those coming behind seriously. Although he was not considered a social activist, he devoted much time and energy to the stretching of younger leaders. On March 3, 1954 he wrote a speech memo (notes to himself for future talks) about the legacy of his generation. Ironic that we are living out generations later the legacy he foresaw. This is an unusual Weekly Thought because it exists in a list of thoughts, but the implications generate great thought. Fred was born in 1915 and wrote this piece to those born in 1940 and beyond.

As the year closes we need your financial help to sustain the BWFLI programming. We have one additional What’s Next Roundtable at Greenville University in Greenville, IL. If you can donate to our operating funds, we will greatly appreciate your tax deductible gifts.

Our Legacy to the Next Generation

We have given the next generation (editor’s note: now known as builders or the silent generation):

• Religion without conviction
• Science without conscience
• Kinsey without marriage
• Excitement without achievement
• Security without effort
• Knowledge without wisdom
• Nightmares instead of dreams
• Techniques without principles
• Precepts without examples
• Freedom without responsibility
• The present without promise
• The future without fruition
• Marching orders without marching songs
• Education without motivation
• Prosperity without peace
• War without reason
• Art without beauty
• Brotherhood without Godhead
• Songs without souls
• Enterprise without enthusiasm
• Fission without feeling
• Fusions without faith

Editor’s Note: Fred’s speech memo developed the negative side of legacy. Even though there are no memos which list the positive, be assured he believed in the “faith of the fathers” which passed strength and trust down to the next generation. Perhaps it is our task to write the other list.

This week think carefully: 1) Which on this list makes me stop and think? 2) How has my generation years later solved any of these dilemmas? 3) What am I leaving for the next generation?

Words of Wisdom: This week take a moment and reread the list

Wisdom from the Word: “Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing; it benefits those who see the light of day.” (Ecclesiastes 7:11 NET Bible)

Keep On Climbing

Weekly Thought – September 25, 2018

Fred maintained keeping longer goals was one of the secrets to vitality in the aging process. He said, “when you start shortening your goals, you are giving yourself permission to die.” He laughingly told of getting new carpeting in their home and insisting on a 30 year guarantee. He and Mary Alice was were in their late 70s at the time. Even when physical limitations curtailed much of his activity, he kept on stretching mentally.

Keep On Climbing

So many people settle for a lower, comfortable plateau than they could attain by maintaining attention to achieving a higher plateau. High achievers rarely are deterred by the desire for comfort. The force that pushes you forward can be seen as 1) the tension between where you are and where you should be. This is negative tension for it produces guilt. Or, 2) It can be seen as the tension between where you are and where you could be. This generates excitement.

True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps. It is a process of forward movement and then plateauing for assimilation. This process is repeated over and over and continues throughout a productive life.

In the Christian life most of us settle for a lower level than we should. I asked one of my favorite theologians, Ray Stedman, “what are you going to teach Sunday?” He replied, “I am going to tell my people to stop praying for what they already.”

In business I have seen the sad case of very talented individuals who aren’t discovered until too late. In a major corporation the President was regretting that the talent of one of the middle managers was not seen early enough to move him into top management. Some motivational speakers say, “It’s never too late!” The fact: in my experience, it can be too late. Young people should be encouraged to start as early as possible on their upward climb. It is always more profitable to work now and play later.

Unfortunately, our society has encouraged young people to waste the richly productive years in pleasure. If they could understand the value of deferring leisurely gratification, the payoff would be much more robust. And if they could see the benefit of pressing on without settling for comfortable plateaus, they would accomplish much higher levels in the climb.

This week think about: 1) Where am I in my climb? 2) What keeps me from stepping out on the next ascent? 3) Who can I encourage to put aside comfort and press forward?

Words of Wisdom: “True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now David achieved success in all he did, for the Lord was with him.” (1 Samuel 18:14 NET Bible)

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