The Privilege of Participation

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Brenda’s Blog – February 10, 2015

“My entire life is ‘have to.’”

Steve Martin’s woeful response in Parenthood struck a chord with me. For the last few years I have worked on a discipline: changing my language replacing have-to with get-to. It is so easy to slip into the habit of thinking life falls into have-to categories: I have to get to church; I have to pick up the grandkids; I have to eat dinner. Funny, I don’t think I ever say, “I have to eat some chocolate!”

When I realized how negative this sounded to myself and to others, I began the exercise of translating my language to match my heart’s feeling. I love to go to church; I adore picking up the grandkids; and nobody likes dinner more than I do. So how did I fall into such a sloppy pattern?

I think I gave into the “oh, how busy I am” lifestyle. I immersed myself in the multitasking style. When that happens, good things become duties. How sad!

Then I stepped back and looked at the privilege of being a part of others’ lives. I looked at the joy of participating in my life. So, I shook my finger at myself and did some self talk arriving at this conclusion: “Life is a precious privilege and I am thankful for all I get to do.”

Beverly Sills, the world-renown operatic soprano, was once at a pre-concert cocktail party. She prepared to leave saying, “I have to go sing at the Met so I will leave you all.” Then she stopped almost mid-sentence correcting herself. “NO, I GET to sing at the Met.” Big difference, isn’t it?

As leaders of families, ministries, companies, and communities, we often make to-do lists that devolve into have-to lists. We must continually train our minds and hearts to know these are opportunities granted to us as blessings.

I want to be a get-to person, don’t you?

Effective Speaking – Introduction

Weekly Thought – February 10, 2015

Fred’s speaking abilities gave him opportunities throughout his life. Even in his last years of immobility groups gathered to hear what him. On Saturdays they encircled him in what affectionately became known as “Fred in the Bed.” His last session was less than two weeks before his death.

We thank you for the gracious support through prayer, financial gifts, and words. We want to continue sharing Fred’s wisdom. And, as we grow the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute, our goal is to “stretch and bless the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Fred’s article on Imperatives in Effective Speaking will be excerpted over the next five weeks in a series of Weekly Thoughts. Today’s is an overview of the points. Build a file for these excerpts – they are keepers.

Effective Speaking – Introduction

Speaking to an audience is an awesome responsibility. When you speak to a thousand listeners for thirty minutes you have used five hundred hours of human life.

Only a few speakers are great, but many could be better by recognizing both the science and art of speaking. Like great musicians, there must first be a natural talent, then years and years of coaching and practice to achieve the art. (more…)

Older but Never Old

Weekly Thought – February 3, 2015

Fred thought much about aging. One of his best received and best known articles for Leadership Journal carried the title, “Older, but Never Old.” He lived just like that. Some of his thoughts were encapsulated dynamite. This week features many of them.

Older but Never Old

1) I’m for aging – slowly, if you please. When I asked my friend what period of life he would have liked to live in he said, “As far in the future as possible!”
2) I started aging the day I was born….on the back of my birth certificate is my death certificate.
3) Memory is the way we keep in touch with our past, but it should not be the way we keep living in the present. Joining the “used-to club” is counter productive.
4) Activity helps the mind forget what’s going on with the body. There is nothing wrong with me that a little excitement won’t cure.
5) Start the aging process early – avoid surprises through preparation financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and especially relationally. Don’t make a junkyard out of your old age.
6) Life is divided into two groups: those who are aging and those who are not. Those who are aging are breathing.
7) Health has four elements: mobility, energy, lack of pain, and ability to accommodate suffering.
8) As we age we become mutual mentors with our children.
9) Make a list of annoying “old people” habits while still young and read it to as you age. Make peace with physical limitations and show grace to others.
10) Finish well by focusing on the right things. Forget the fading: looks, power, position and accent the forever: relationships, spiritual, contribution. (more…)

Loving God

Weekly Thought – January 27, 2015

Fred read and thought about theology, philosophy, and science. He sought to know God, not just know about Him. No one could put him in a doctrinal box because he constantly thought about the relationship, not the rules.

This excerpt from a letter to a theologian friend may be a bit controversial. And, he is not here to defend his thinking, but it is a good delineation of his theological processing.

Thank you for supporting our work. An email to us started out: “I look forward to every Tuesday… ” This is a work of love – for Fred and for our Father God.

Loving God

Oswald Chambers and St. Augustine are two men whose opinions I value highly. As you know, Chambers said we are to live our life with the expressed intent of doing God’s will, letting Him stop us if we are straying from the path. We should not spend our time searching, but rather living knowing He will direct and correct when needed.

St. Augustine said maturely and simply: “Love God and do what you will.”

God says, “Seek my face.” This means an eye to eye relationship. We are told we do all things through Christ, not through a plan. We should never substitute guidance for the Guide. We cannot prove God exists by the guidance. It is God alone in silence or in revelation. (more…)

Eyes Wide Open

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Brenda’s Blog – January 27, 2015

“God is a really good painter.”

My four year old grandson stared out the window at the redness. The Christmas Eve sky excited us. Will’s spontaneous response spoke for all.

That moment taught me much about recognizing the beauties of our God. How good it would be to stop and acknowledge His nature. Think of the times when He is kind beyond measure. Or, the days when His faithfulness defies description.
Life is enriched by stopping to say thanks. Seeing His hand in our daily activity makes Him so much more real. We pray for His presence yet ignore His day by day activity. What if we practiced the awareness of His touch? What if we paused to express awe?

Life’s details blur into a mish-mash of prioritized to do lists. The junk prevents us from seeing the sweetnesses He gives us.

Years ago I planted wild flowers which quickly became lunch for my neighborhood’s deer population. Thinking the money was wasted and the effort fruitless, I put it out of my mind. In the spring a few (very few) purple blooms appeared. I grew so accustomed to the yard filled with leaves, pine needles, and dirt I almost missed the wee blossoms. I intentionally stopped one day, stooped down, and spoke words of appreciation for those which made it through deer season and the cold winter. I saw them.

Each day God blooms in our world, demonstrating His qualities. How good it would be to stop and purposefully thank Him. A heart of gratitude for a great God enlarges our capacity for thankfulness. Practicing the “God sighting” game gives a lilt to life that is impossible to duplicate.

God’s Will – God’s Way

Weekly Thought – January 20, 2015

Fred enjoyed letter writing. His mentor, Maxey Jarman, stressed the value of thought clarification which comes as ideas are put on paper. One of his spiritual heroes was the Apostle Paul who, like Fred, wrote letters. Often he wrote to expand on a conversation or try out concepts with trusted friends. This Thought is excerpted from a letter sent to a long-time friend with whom he corresponded regularly. The topic is “the will of God.”

Fred used the “key log” as an illustration of problem solving. His close and respected friend Randon A. Samelson authored a new book titled Breakthrough: Unleashing the Power Of A Proven Plan. His dedication to Fred acknowledges him as a mentor and friend. His description of the key log principle will help all leaders. The book will be available through Amazon.com in two weeks.

God’s Will – God’s Way

Life is not all mystical even though there is a mystical quality to all life. There is far less mystery in the things that happen to us as members of the human race following the natural living processes from birth to death. A vast majority of the experiences we have are common to the human race.

Likewise, cause and effect are elements natural and predictable. It is immature to ignore the commonality of these principles and attribute them all to some super mystical, mysterious happening.

Having said that, I want you to understand I accept the spiritual qualities of life as being mystical. The confluence of natural events with the supernatural power of God is more than we can fully comprehend. I do not purport to understand. I believe it by faith and spend very little time trying to adopt some intellectual position to defend it. I am not denying the role of apologetics, but I personally hold faith positions in a category not requiring defense. (more…)

Growing Others

Weekly Thought – January 13, 2015

Fred was known as a “mentor to a generation of leaders.” Frequently, we receive emails mentioning ways Fred encouraged personal or business development. The word “mentor” comes from Greek mythology. Odysseus went off to the Trojan Wars, leaving his son Telemachus in the care of Mentor, tasking him with the nurturing and growth of him as a man. Interestingly, the first use of the word was in the writings of Francois Fenelon. Those who knew Fred knew “my friend Fenelon.”

In the month of January we are going to present various thoughts from Fred on this subject, hoping to bring strength and guidance.

Growing Others

Most successful men and women have had good mentors just as most successful athletes have had good coaches.

Mentoring can be organized for discussion but not for treatment. Mentoring does not come in a formula – it is a living relationship. It is not linear but often comes in fits and starts. It can involve one specific area or a total life. For example, a local high achiever came to me asking for help in his speaking abilities as he was taking on more public responsibilities requiring platform time. Others have come wanting to talk through aspects of a balanced life. These mentoring assignments can be short or long term. (more…)

Playing to Win

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Brenda’s Blog – January 13, 2015

“I don’t want to call in the next defensive play.”

These words spoken by the football great Lou Holtz point out the principle: winning doesn’t come through playing catch up.

Years ago I heard the illustration of being a thermometer versus thermostat. One records the current temperature; the other determines the temperature. One plays defense while the other is offense. At the risk of using the entire year’s quota of clichés, one more comparison: reaction versus action. When we consistently wait to respond, we lose the ability to change the game.

New Year’s resolutions too often are merely the reworking of last year’s regrets. “I want to lose weight” is another way of saying, “I gained way too much last year.” “I want to be a nicer, more generous person” restates the dismay of being hard-hearted and close-handed.

Lest I sound like “I am the captain of my fate,” I must say I believe in the sovereign control of our triune God. The book of James warns us against saying, “Tomorrow I will here and I will do that.” He adds, “We must cover each plan with “As the Lord wills.” His complete control does not excuse me from strategic thought and planning. Stepping out in faith with boldness, reverence, and anticipation honors our God.

2015 is already established in the heart of God. As it unfolds in real time, it gives us the grand opportunity to be His thermostat… to be one who sets the tone, the temperature, and the tempo. We can focus on the plays which move the ball up the field. Our emphasis can be to advance our God-ordained plans for His honor and glory.

Step by Step?

Weekly Thought – January 6, 2015

Fred valued friendship. As he aged many of them preceded him in death. Upon hearing of a passing, he often recounted decades of stories, smiling and laughing. “Cultivate younger friends because your contemporaries will be gone if you live long enough.” One of Fred’s long-time younger ones was Steve Brown of Key Life Network. They met while speaking in Kentucky and made a decision immediately clicked. When Being Good Isn’t Good Enough is Steve’s newest book. According to the author it is “how to stop striving to please a God who is already pleased.” www.KeyLife.org

Step by Step?

(Editor’s note: Fred was asked about his thinking on the specific will of God. He wrote much in a personal letter to a dear friend. This excerpt reflects his position and his straightforward approach).

Some young people questioned our son as to how they could know God’s plan. Rather than answer, he asked them why they wanted to know. Their answers were revealing. One wanted to follow the plan because he didn’t want to have God mad at him. Another assumed the plan must be wonderful, and he didn’t want to miss what God had for him. Another felt God needed his work, and therefore, if he didn’t do it, it wouldn’t be done leaving God’s plan incomplete.

It was easy to see these young people were really talking about works and not grace. They had a clear self-interest in God’s plan. When they spoke of wanting a plan, it meant happiness, prosperity lack of trouble, love, and acceptance.

Egotism seems to creep into their perceptions. They assume God has something big in mind. They cannot imagine ordinary lives of ordinary people. (more…)

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