BWFLI team stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders at East Texas Baptist University

Cliff Shiepe, best-selling author, inspires students

ETBU students gathered at midnight to discuss “What’s Next” and job market tips

Former All-American, All-Pro Bill Glass stirring the athletes

ETBU Steering Committee Chair Emily Prevost and BWFLI President Brenda A. Smith sharing a celebratory moment

BWFLI team stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders at East Texas Baptist University
Cliff Shiepe, best-selling author, inspires students
ETBU students gathered at midnight to discuss “What’s Next” and job market tips
Former All-American, All-Pro Bill Glass stirring the athletes
ETBU Steering Committee Chair Emily Prevost and BWFLI President Brenda A. Smith sharing a celebratory moment

The Art of Being Mentored

Weekly Thought – October 12, 2021

Fred’s reputation as a nationally recognized speaker, management consultant, and board member morphed during his career to be immediately associated with mentoring. He was known as “mentor to a generation of leaders.” By the end of his life that aptly became generations.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. With my mentors, I tried to be a good student. As I studied the process I recognized four key elements in being successfully mentored.

1) Admit your ignorance. I never tried to impress my mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance is as foolish as hiding symptoms from a doctor. Dr. Walter Hearn, a biochemist at Yale University surprised me once by saying, “Fred, every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorance than you were when you woke up.” He explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon that increased in size daily, it touched more and more ignorance on the periphery of its environment. The more I knew the more I knew I didn’t know. Arrogant people are proud of their knowledge; the humble are familiar with their ignorance.

2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of keys is asking a question the person wants to answer. A young professor recently told me about asking a prominent speaker two questions following an award ceremony. The man disregarded all those trying to shake his hand and concentrated on answering only those two questions. The professor asked questions the man wanted to answer.

3) Do your homework. With my two mentors I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful in minimizing verbiage. When we met in person I had already organized my questions; I knew it was not a social situation. If we later spent time together that was up to them, not me. My mentors knew I would not waste their time. In fact, I never walked in their offices and sat down until invited. Preparation shows respect and a readiness to make progress.

4) Never try to “use” your mentor. A person with a high-profile, well-known mentor can be tempted to reference him/her in ways that really are manipulative. Quoting the mentor out of context, attempting to build a relationship for personal gain, or name dropping inappropriately are examples. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the teacher. The mentor likes being there when achievement occurs. I now at this age spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I make no charge. But I get amply paid by the accomplishments I see in them.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my mentors? 2) How well do I prepare to be a mentoree? 3) What is my desired outcome from the relationship?

Words of Wisdom: “A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Give instruction to a wise person, and he will become wiser still; teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.” (Proverbs 9:9 NET Bible)

Denial as the Default

Weekly Thought – October 5, 2021

Fred told the truth. His upbringing in the home of a Southern Baptist blacksmith with massive hands and arms turned preacher may have had something to do with this. He valued truth and questioned to uncover the real story many times. “Staying current and facing the facts” were bywords. Denial made little sense to him and was definitely not part of his operating system.

Denial as the Default

The theme song for many goes, “say it isn’t so.” Saying it isn’t so is not making it not so. Yet so often we deny our problems and actually accept denial as one of the ways to solve them. How many times have you heard “leave it alone – it will go away.” I even knew an otherwise bright executive who consciously ignored such things as oil leaking from his car for, he said, “it will probably correct itself.” By denying the problem he delayed the solution – and also increased the damage.

Delay is a form of denial. Once a young man with an exceptional education and family connections asked me to lunch to discuss his business future. When I asked what he had been doing he said “I am looking for the right opportunity.” I thought a shock would be helpful so I told him “you have a great deal of potential n- in fact, you have all you have ever had for certainly you have used none of it.” Later on, one of his peers described him to me as a “Rolls Royce with a loose steering gear.” This sounds unkind, but he could be helped mightily by having his denial by delay pointed out clearly.

Some intellectual problems are handled by denial. Once I was talking with a well-known talk show host recognized for his intellectual, but liberal worldview. When I asked him if he believed in “original sin” he replied, “That would be an awful thought.” Can we escape a fact by calling it an idea, a concept, a viewpoint? Trying to escape the reality we want to deny is a fool’s errand.

Every day we consider ways to avoid the truth. For example, diplomacy is one way we delay and deny our political problems. With cosmetics we deny the aging process. Even in death we dress up the corpse to evoke the response, “doesn’t he/she look wonderful?” Even our vocabulary teaches us about denial. When installment credit plans were developed they were dubbed “convenience purchasing,” not debt. Often, we substitute the word progress for change, even when it is going in a downward direction. Euphemisms become the socially acceptable way of addressing negative events. We shield ourselves from unpleasant facts by giving them new names or definitions.

We are often tempted to deny relational problems. Therapists tell us of refuge in silent denial prominent in troubled homes. Lack of verbal communication supposedly covers the fact of a family breakdown. The ache of losing a child is sometimes covered by building a shrine in the child’s room, pretending death did not occur.
Kubler-Ross says the second step in grief recovery is denial. It is all right to let people deny for a short time, because rushing them into objective examination without gaining equilibrium is unhealthy. But remaining in denial doesn’t result in emotional health, either.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “Denial is not a river in Egypt.” It is a place to move through on the way to health and maturity when grieving. It is a poor choice for living if we build it into our operating system.

This week think about: 1) When am I most tempted to deny or delay? 2) Where have I short circuited my growth by not facing facts? 3) Who is a good truth teller for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Delay is a form of denial.”

Wisdom from the Word: “What should we do with these men? For it is plain to all who live in Jerusalem that a notable miraculous sign has come about through them, and we cannot deny it.” (Acts 4:16 NET Bible)

Shopping for Compliments

Brenda’s Blog – October 5, 2021

“I am a really good shopper. The grocery bill was only $5.85!”

In 1966 I was a newly wed finishing college and living with my husband in an $80/month apartment. On weekends we traveled thirty miles to my husband’s home where we did the week’s wash, ate his Mom’s tremendous meals, and did the weekly shopping at his Dad’s grocery store on the midwestern town’s square.

Getting home with bags of staples, fresh vegetables, and meat I proudly boasted about my shopping expertise. What an extraordinary gift I had for stretching our student budget.

Each week Grandpa would rush to the cash register when I completed the list and check me out. I loved seeing how expertly I managed our money.

One Saturday morning the store was particularly busy and he was tied up behind the meat counter. One of the friendly young women who worked up front stepped over and checked me out – much to my dismay! How in the world could a similar shopping list cost at least four times the ordinary Saturday amount?

It was literally years before it dawned on me Grandpa was the miracle worker on those Saturday shopping trips. I wasn’t superior – he was absorbing 3 out of 4 items in the cart. He humbly listened to my bragging without saying a critical word. He continued to give me his loving deep discount without criticism.

I was the receiver and beneficiary of his grace and generosity.

I don’t think I ever told him or thanked him.

Who has shown grace to you? Who has silently showered blessings on you? Consider those times when you were the recipient of another’s graciousness.

If a lightbulb goes off like it did for me, stop and thank the person right away. Then become the grace giver for another without a desire for repayment, or recognition.

If Grandpa were still alive I would so love to hug him in appreciation. He taught me a lesson over 50 years ago in Johnstown, Ohio. What a blessing!

Defining a Lifestyle

Weekly Thought – September 28, 2021

Fred believed in defining a lifestyle as a measure for making life decisions. He and Mary Alice set their priorities when they were newly married and renting one room from a “widow lady.” Several of their friends adopted this habit, as well. One couple said they decided how much money was enough, and when resources exceeded that limit, they increased their giving and not their consumption.

Defining a Lifestyle

A quality lifestyle doesn’t just happen – it takes hard work. When talking with those who are engaging in this exercise I ask them to consider several questions. Here are four of the principal ones:

1) What do I really enjoy doing? The thing I have a talent for, the thing I do best and enjoy the most should certainly be considered first. However, there should always be guidelines because certain things that people enjoy need to come into line with Christian thought. The lifestyle needs to be under the discipline of our scriptural faith.

2) When do I feel good about myself? This is the second defining question. What makes me feel I have meaning, worth, and uniqueness? Too many trade their gifts for money and success. Too many become a human medium of exchange sacrificing the gifts given for usefulness, not just for commerce. If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.

3) When do I feel joy? What creates a deep sense of satisfaction? When do I get the “life should be like this more often” feeling? Personally, this comes in times of genuine worship. It is not limited to church services alone. It is in those times when I sense the largeness of God and the smallness of Fred. When I feel the smallest I feel the most secure.

4) What gives me balance and authenticity? Speaking to a large group of executives I mentioned the fact that it is wonderful to wake up at 2:00 in the morning and the “little guy” inside is happy to talk with me. But if he says, “Get lost. I’ve lost respect for you,” then I know I am in trouble. One of the men jumped up, saying, “Man, you have plowed up a snake!” I knew right away he had spent some early morning hours wrestling with his little guy.

There must be ethical harmony within the lifestyle we define. Our life must reflect good relations with our family, friends, and associates. A healthy lifestyle definition strives for a compatible, beautiful, harmonious life.

This week think about: 1) Which of the questions makes me really think? 2) How am I communicating this exercise to others? 3) When I have a definition, what will I do with it?

Words of Wisdom: “If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of joy with your presence.” (Acts 2:28 NET Bible)

Generation to Generation

Brenda’s Blog – September 21, 2021

“I wish I had known your Dad.”

We Smith children hear that a lot after people read Dad’s writings. His wisdom and principle-based thinking still impact people years after his death.

My answer is usually “If you know me or my siblings, then you do know Dad.” His influence permeates our thinking.

We have an excellent Biblical example in David and Solomon. They were both writers who expressed their belief systems – one in a lyrical format; the other in wisdom sayings. David’s Psalm 37:5 says “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Solomon’s admonition in Proverbs 3:5-7 reflects the influence of his father: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge him. And he will make straight your paths.”

We hear the father in the voice of the son.

Have you ever said something and then immediately responded, “Oh, that sounds exactly like my Mom (or Dad)? We are profoundly marked by the lives of our parents, grandparents, and other significant adults during our upbringing. And now that we are the voices the younger ones hear, they are being imprinted by our words.

Who is within your sphere of influence? Who is absorbing your attitudes, your thinking, your belief system? What will their lives represent?

The Bible clearly instructs older ones to definitely speak to the younger ones about the nature of God – His faithfulness, His goodness, and His mighty works. We have our marching orders as elders to implant the truths of scripture, not backing away or neglecting our responsibility.

When somebody says to me, “That sounds just like your Dad,” I smile. My greatest hope is to sound like my heavenly Father.

Decisive Actions

Weekly Thought – September 21, 2021

Fred traveled heavily in his consulting and speaking work. Early on he attained lifetime status with American Airlines. He met interesting people and exercised his great skill of question asking. This week’s thought recalls a funny experience during the 1960s on one of those cross-country flights.

Decisive Actions

Decisiveness is a quality of effective executives, but it is indeed a rare trait. Everyone likes to say, “Oh, yes, I am decisive.” Very few really are. They wait until they are forced into a decision or until the decision is made for them.

Lately I’ve been accumulating clever ways people avoid making a decision. And there is no dearth of material. One of the worst offenders is the executive who talks five minutes on both sides of the question and then emphatically announces, “That is what I think.” Oh, no, there is one worse – the fellow who sits next to the him and says, “I agree with Bob.”

Actually, decisiveness is a matter of the will. I think I will illustrate it with a true story.

I was spending a few days with Mobil Oil (one of my consulting clients) on the west coast. Wanting to get home I took the red eye American flight to Chicago and then on to Cincinnati. When I got to the check-in I realized the flight was full. As we loaded people kept coming on the plane until every seat was taken except for the one next to me.

Just before the door closed a 6’3” mountain of a man with big, broad shoulders and a flat stomach came running on the plane and sat down next to me. He shouldn’t have done that. Why should he make me uncomfortable all the way to Chicago as I sat there with my 225 pounds of solid blubber? It was Charlton Heston, the actor.

“Mr. Heston, you are in wonderful physical shape.” “I have to be in my business.” I replied, “I wish I could be, too, but I have to work.” “Well, I have to work but I can stay in this shape on 17 minutes a day.”

He had no right to say that. That was not sociable. I have 17 minutes a day. He should have talked about days under professional training.

For 30 minutes I sat and stewed in my own fat. Then I said, “Mr. Heston, I travel a lot.” “I do, too.” “How do you exercise when you are on the road?” “It’s very simple. I go into the hotel room, sit on the luggage rack, put my toes under the bed, and do back bends.” “What do you do about your shoulders?” “Oh, that is easy. I roll under the bed and push the bed up and down in the air.”

Now what is the difference between Heston and Smith? You recognize it all too quickly. A recent survey discovered the definable difference between successful and unsuccessful people: the unsuccessful say “I should – I ought to- I plan to – I’m going to” but never get around to it. The successful say, “I will.” They make the decision and take action. They do it.

This week carefully consider: 1) As I read Fred’s story, where do I need to make a decision? 2)What is holding me back? 3) Who models decisiveness in my work life, community, and family?

Words of Wisdom: “Decisiveness is a matter of the will.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So give your servant a discerning mind so he can make judicial decisions for your people and distinguish right from wrong. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” ( 1 Kings 3:9 NET Bible)