BWFLI team stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders at East Texas Baptist University

Cliff Shiepe, best-selling author, inspires students

ETBU students gathered at midnight to discuss “What’s Next” and job market tips

Former All-American, All-Pro Bill Glass stirring the athletes

ETBU Steering Committee Chair Emily Prevost and BWFLI President Brenda A. Smith sharing a celebratory moment

BWFLI team stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders at East Texas Baptist University
Cliff Shiepe, best-selling author, inspires students
ETBU students gathered at midnight to discuss “What’s Next” and job market tips
Former All-American, All-Pro Bill Glass stirring the athletes
ETBU Steering Committee Chair Emily Prevost and BWFLI President Brenda A. Smith sharing a celebratory moment

Qualities of Excellent Relations

Weekly Thought – June 28,2022

Fred valued friendships and worked hard to nurture them. Networking wasn’t a commercial endeavor – it was relational. In our common vernacular we ordinarily use “relationships,” but Fred was partial to “relation.”

Qualities of Excellent Relations

Relations require time – quality time, not just habitual or ritual appointments. This time should be applied within the moving scene of life. In business terms time in relationships is like applying working capital to create the most good at the right time.

Mature relations also require compromise. As unique individuals, these compromises are between people with varying upbringing, traditions, ideas of what life should be, past experiences, and goals for the future. When we can find areas of overlap, the relation may develop more naturally.

I am often asked about man to man friendships, My answer is: “when the little boy in me likes the little boy in you we can begin developing a friendship.” Men generally establish relations through working on projects together, whether in career, community service, or church. One of my long-time business colleague retired. We knew we wanted the friendship to continue so we agreed to serve together on a corporate board. This gave us common experiences, opportunities to strategize, spend time profitably, and deepen an already well-established friendship. We subsequently served on several Christian ministry boards, as well as other corporate consulting situations which lasted until his death.

Another key element of strong relations is the sharing of friends. It is one of my joys to know that a friend of mine should know another one. Often networking has a negative connotation with the idea of using others for personal advantage. I am total disagreement. I am convinced of the profound benefit of connecting others for their own good. One of my friends is considered a premier networker, known nationwide for his ability to identify potential relationships. He constantly keeps in mind “who do I know who should know Fred?” Knowing his desire for good to emerge gives me a great sense of responsibility in these introductions.

The cultivation of relations is not casual, nor random. It requires great thought and discipline. The outcome is difficult to quantify. To stop and see the work accomplished through decades of friendships brings satisfaction. To know healthy, mature relations are part of my life goal of stretching others gives me confidence I can be helpful and productive.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do my friends have in common?2) How do I think about the value of connecting friends?3) Which of my friends should know each other?

Words of Wisdom: “Relations require time – quality time, not just habitual or ritual appointments.”

Wisdom from the Word: “They help one another; one says to the other, ‘Be strong!’“ (Isaiah 41:6 Net Bible)

Older but Never Old

Brenda’s Blog – June 28, 2022

“You just Benjamin Buttoned me!” My friend laughed as she said this. “Do you know what I mean?” Obviously I didn’t. Yes, I knew the movie about the man who grew younger as he chronologically aged, but I didn’t get the connection.

“Old people seem to want to talk about themselves all the time, especially about their illnesses and complaints. You just asked me a question about me. I call that Benjamin Buttoning because you are not acting your age, but much younger!” I laughed and accepted the compliment from my much younger friend.

She is right – at my nearly 80 years conversations about health, the closest and best buffet, and the sad condition of the world dominate most exchanges. Long ago we forgot the art of listening, asking questions, and then listening again.

When I inquired about a Zoom class she is teaching her face lit up. I really cared about her life without seeing her as simply someone to hear my stories and receive my “gathered over the years wisdom.” A lesson was learned in those two hours we spent together. Whether you are forty, sixty, or eighty you want to be heard.

My youngest grandchild once looked at me during a visit and said quite seriously, “Are you listening to me?” How easy it is to put on a face that looks like attention while the mind wanders away. Children quickly learn what true listening looks like. Yes, eyes and ears are a powerful combination.

I don’t want to be a crotchety old woman complaining about my aching back, my lactose intolerance, or certainly not my occasional incontinence. Young ones will discover those on their own soon enough. I want to ask questions that uncover their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns. Only if I cede my talking time to them will I ever have the privilege of knowing what they are thinking.

When you live alone you have thousands of rolled over words to use. It is tempting to spend the bulk of them posing as a “wisdom figure.” Aging sadly allows “diarrhea of the mouth” which discourages others from engaging us socially. Haven’t we all heard, “Don’t sit down with her – she just talks about herself constantly.”

Be a Benjamin Buttons who gets younger, more curious, more interactive, and certainly more attentive to others even as the calendar says he should settle into old age. My Dad was known for saying, “I have to get older, but I don’t have to get old.” Neither do we!

Celebrate the Highs and Lows

Weekly Thought – June 21,2022

Fred looked at life’s patterns. His remarkable understanding of principles allowed him to analyze and categorize life seasons. One which is recognized as helpful by many is the description of valleys and plateaus.

Celebrate the Highs and Lows

Sound development requires a program providing plateaus where our information is turned into knowledge through experience, then heading to another climb. The healthy individual uses the plateau(or valley)for assimilation before starting out again. Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.
The danger is not accepting the plateau as normal and becoming hooked on reaching the peak where we try to stay too long or even artificially filling up the valley with drugs, alcohol, or busyness.

Each of us must respect the principle that the food we grow in the valley (on the plateau) we eat on the mountain top (the climb). If we were to graph personal development the line would not go straight up. Our bodies and minds are designed for ups and downs.

Maturity and age are not synonymous. I am convinced the concept of plateaus and climbs is an accurate measure of development. Those who live believing the “best is yet to be” tend to understand the value of the valleys, learning as much as possible in preparation for the next climb. When we start circling round and round aimlessly without assimilating and certainly without attaining the climb, we are aging.

The purposefulness of the method is critical to grasp. The cycle has a rhythm which cannot be violated. Young “world beaters” often call me wanting to discuss their futures. Quickly I can ascertain if they have a hold on the principle of climbing, then plateauing to assimilate, then climbing again. Those who see the valleys as the abode of the losers don’t get a second appointment. I know they will burn out without making the contribution of those who practice alternating climbing and plateauting.

As we apply this principle we can identify progress is not equally distributed. Think of the various divisions of life: career, family, social life, financial and physical health – all are vital elements of life. Each requires its own charting of the plateaus and the climbs. Each must have its own development plan acknowledging all may (and probably will) have differing time lines for growth and maturity.

This week think about: 1) How well do I manage this principle? 2) What helps me to be most productive in the valleys? 3) Which area of life experiences the most dramatic highs and lows?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NET Bible)

Wait To Worry

Weekly Thought – June 14, 2022

Fred when asked by his son “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be the topic?” He answered, “the nature of God and the nature of man.” Understanding both were fundamental to his thinking about how the world worked. Managing emotions was a lifelong study for Fred.

Wait To Worry

Worry is the nagging headache of the soul. I as once a fulltime worrier, but I relinquished my membership in the club somewhere in the 1940s as I looked at my goals and whatever obstacles hindered me. Resigning from this club is hard to do for once you join getting out is difficult. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

Now I wasn’t a part-time worrier – I was no amateur. I couldn’t call it quits at night because that would be downright disrespect for my status as a professional worrier. Instead, I sat up with a pot of coffee – rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t just lie there tossing and turning – I would lie there and perk!

I decided to stop worrying. After years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry. Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull – WAIT TO WORRY. Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had all the facts. If I didn’t then I told myself “wait to worry.” Gradually a habit formed and after two or three years worrying was conquered.

However, in the process I found some interesting things about worry. For example, I saw a survey that showed 40% of what people worry about things that have passed; 30% never will happen; 22% when it happens will be so minor it won’t be worth worrying about; and only 8% will be real. That meant I was 92% wrong in my worrying. I wanted to do better than that.

Another thing I discovered was what we worry about today we will probably laugh about tomorrow. Listen to people at a class reunion laugh about things that weren’t funny at all at the time they originally happened, but they are now. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about tomorrow?” Those children are now parents and I hear them repeating those words to their kids.

This week think about: 1) What keeps me up at night? 2) How am I overcoming the worry habit? 3) Who models emotional maturity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Just Wondering

Brenda’s Blog – June 14, 2022

Driving to church I prayed as usual for a family member who is in the “far country.” I asked, “Could this be the day?” I had a specific outcome in mind, but then I paused and thought how many times and how many people could ask that same question.

Could this be the day: Marriages are healed; Families are restored; Health returns; Hearts are reformed; Hope is reignited; Courage is displayed; Truth is proclaimed.

Then I thought of even more crucial ones. Could this be the day Jesus returns; America repents and turns back to God; or the Gospel is preached in power with men and women responding and lives are changed.

What would you answer if you asked “could this be the day?” There certainly are some nitty gritty ones like solving work problems, finding gas or baby formula, affording housing, and receiving a long awaited job offer.

Today is the gift of God. We are offered the opportunity to express our giftedness, our hopefulness, and our receptivity to life’s broad experiences. Each one may not be stellar, but each one is sacred. And as we awaken we can sincerely ask “Could this be the day?” confident that God knows – YAY!

Any Questions?

Brenda’s Blog – May 31, 2022

“Leaders ask the right questions.”

My friend Bob Tiede comes armed with questions whether it is a high level leadership meeting or a birthday greeting on Facebook. His website (www.leadingwithquestions.com)and books highlight the highly developed skill of questioning.

My Dad mastered questioning knowing it was both art and science. Knowing how powerfully he used queries I asked him to coach me in this leadership strategy. “Brenda, it is simple. You ask a question the person wants to answer.” That was the science part of the equation. “Dad, how do you know what question they want to answer?” “You just do –” THAT is the art. He gave me illustrations of experiences with people when his ability to discern opened up conversations, moved problems to solutions, and deepened relationships.

Dad’s listening talents were part of his genius. He read between the lines, asked questions which enlightened, waited for light bulbs to go off, and accomplished his life goal of stretching others. He analyzed the listening process then utilized the steps as he interacted with others. His ability to read body language, assess emotional condition, and determine basic assumptions allowed him to be an interpersonal Sherlock Holmes. He listened to the words, but watched for nonverbal clues.

What are your favorite questions 1) when you are initially introduced to someone? 2) during a difficult, highly emotional situation? 3) when you are encouraging a colleague or family member?

Bob Tiede’s library of authored books includes questions Jesus asked and the latest one features questions asked by Paul. I highly recommend checking out his volumes – and growing in your effective use of questions.

Finally, 1) what is exciting you right now? 2) what can you do today to forward your life mission? 3) who models this leadership skill?