Weekly Thought – December 20, 2022

Fred valued health in all areas of his life. Even as he was nearly immobile in the last years he refused to see himself as a victim of disease. When asked about his condition he responded “I am not disabled; I am delightfully dependent.” He encouraged others to find health through discipline, and good choices. He thought and talked much about the value of tension in life and how to best handle it.

Tension – The Two-Edged Sword

A scientist friend several years ago told me about charting results of experiments on tension he was doing. Because they were drawn on an axis they labeled them vertical and horizontal. The verticals were healthy, stretching to pull life together while the horizontals were those which they judged to pull life apart.

Selflessness is a vertical tension while selfishness is a harmful horizontal one. A sense of responsibility is very much vertical but a sense of rights is horizontal. Demanding rights pulls apart but focusing on responsibilities tends to laminate. Those people who have a high sense of responsibility are under very strong tension to accomplish in their area of responsibility. That tends to discipline our efforts. It controls our relationship even polices them, usually resulting in health.

When responsibilities are ignored and only rights are demanded trouble comes. I saw a young businessman start out feeling a tremendous feeling of responsibility to the employees, stockholders, and customers. The owner worked very hard with few adverse effects.

As success came he began thinking of personal gain exchanging the sense of responsibility for the rights owed. Soon he began to take excess amounts of money from the business, changed his lifestyle, and altered his approach to leadership. The very people he operated responsibly to serve (employees, stockholders, and customers) recognized his selfishness. Ultimately, his physical health betrayed his internal turmoil: ulcers, hypertension, and extra weight. The energy and excitement he initially from positive tension deteriorated into a negative condition.

Fortunately, we can decide to strive for a lifestyle which focuses on responsibilities rather than rights.

In America there is a superabundance of tension. The hopeful aspect of this is the availability of choice. With disciplined practice we can decide what kinds we want, in what areas, and in what amounts. We can build fences around our emotional health setting boundaries. Clearly, tension doesn’t work exactly like a smorgasbord, but for a man who enjoys eating the analogy has some appeal.

It is up to us to think carefully about ways to emphasize the vertical and reduce the horizontal. Operating from knowledge of ourselves and our situations gives us greater control over our emotions and many of the outcomes we experience.

This week think carefully about: 1) What is my ratio between vertical and horizontal tensions? 2) Which areas of my life are most troublesome? 3) How much time have I spent seriously considering my choice of responsibilities and rights?

Words of Wisdom: “Demanding rights pulls apart but focusing on responsibilities tends to laminate.”

Wisdom from the Word: “After pride came, disgrace followed; but wisdom came with humility.” (Proverbs 11:12 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 29, 2022

Fred mastered the art of “one liners,” as he called them. He learned to encapsulate his ideas into nuggets through the telegram method: as much meaning in as few words. This week is “vintage Fred” from the 1950s or 1960s. Until his death in 2007 he lived by these three words.

Wait To Worry

Worry – that nagging headache of the soul. I was once a full time worrier, but I resigned my membership in the club along about the 1940s. It took some doing, for one in the club it is hard to get out. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

I wasn’t a part-time worrier who took his worries to bed. No, sir, I was afraid of going to sleep which is a sure fire way for a genuine worrier to lose his self-respect. I would instead sit up with a pot of coffee… rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t sleep – I just tossed and perked.

I decided to stop worrying. After two years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry.

Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull, “Wait to Worry.”

Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had the facts. If I didn’t I told myself, “Wait to worry.” Gradually, the habit started to form and after two or three years worrying was conquered. In the process I learned some interesting statistics about the subject. For example, a study I saw showed 40% of what people worry about has already passed: 30% will never happen: 22% when it happens will be so minor it wouldn’t be worth the worry and only 8% will be real. It hit me I was spending time on something that was 92% inefficient and ineffective.

Another intriguing fact about worry… the things we worry about today are the things we generally laugh about tomorrow. Think about family reunions… what do we laugh about the loudest? Usually things that weren’t funny at all when they occurred. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about?” Most of the time they were, so we laughed then – why put off the opportunity for some good fun?

My favorite example comes from our son Fred. When he was young he wasn’t strong on washing his hands. One time before dinner he came in from playing outside, dunked his hands in the sink, and planted them on one of Mary Alice’s clean white towels. As you can imagine, she took a very dim view of the imprint! I thought it would be funny to hide the towel. Years later I had it framed. When I presented it to her the tears started flowing, “Aren’t they sweet? Aren’t they sweet?”

What was a source of “irritation,” became a moment of great joy.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I handle worry? 2) Would reminding myself to “wait to worry” change how I deal with stress? 3)Who could benefit from this “vintage Fred?”

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 15, 2022

Fred thought, wrote, and spoke much about maturity. He considered the understanding and disciplining of emotions a significant factor. His words written in the 1980s and 1990s certainly address current issues. These words on anxiety are an example of his timeless (and timely) quality.

Anchoring Anxiety

Everywhere we turn we hear “we live in anxious times.” Feeling this way has become so normal it is even socially correct. Those who don’t see life this way are considered “not with it.” TV ads tell us how to handle anxiety – not running through horror movie commercial breaks, but during the nightly news.

Even our intellectuals hold out the idea that “we live out our lives in quiet desperation.” We look to our churches for the quiet center often failing to find it.

I was personally helped by a friend who reminded me, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” is not a suggestion, but a command. A command assumes the possibility of obedience and this gave me a new point of attack. The battle isn’t won easily, nor quickly, but when we believe it can be won we are half-way there.

Floating anxiety is quite prevalent in these days. It doesn’t seem to attach itself to anything recognizable – we seem plagued with “just a feeling” that things are not right, with more trouble on the way.

When we cannot locate the reason for this discomfort we need to assess possible causes. First, we should try to become as secure as we can by reviewing our relations with those who matter most. After reviewing relations, we must look at our financial condition to see if there are any specific item which draw these feelings. Also, check out physical well-being for symptoms such as fatigue. Have we been neglecting our exercise, eating too many sweets, or avoiding other healthy habits? If we get a clean bill of health then are we doing something we know is wrong which might make us fear judgment – judgment of any kind – a spouse, our boss, or even God?

If this check-up doesn’t isolate specifically the reason for the anxiety, it at least establishes a sense of security in major areas of our life and provides a counterbalance for the uneasiness that floating anxiety storm.

One way to help is to read security Bible verses. This sounds like a crutch, and it is. For during anxious times I am crippled and who needs a crutch more than that? God never said for us to keep our Bible reading for the sunny days. He is a God of comfort.

These are times to call on the good sense of our past experience. Mary Alice often told our adolescent children (particularly the girls), “This, too, will pass.” Many times we simply have to pull our head in like a turtle and let the rain pass over.

It is especially important that we not let anxiousness about our anxiety feed on itself and synergize a molehill into a mountain. Remember, we have anxiety because we are humans living in an imperfect world. It is normal. We can help ourselves once we develop the desire and willpower to implement sensible procedures.

Now, as my good friend Steve Brown says in closing all his teaching times, “Now you think about that.”

This week carefully consider: 1) How often does floating anxiety affect me? 2) What would my personal check up look like? 3) When I am anxious which Bible verses give me strength and comfort?

Words of Wisdom: “God never said to save our Bible reading for sunny days.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy. (Proverbs 12: 25 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 13, 2022

Fred thrived on analyzing the human condition. One of his favorite topics was stress. He read broadly on the subject and created frameworks for handling negative pressures. He was quick to offer gratitude as the strongest antidote.

Handling Pressure

We all have pressure. In my experience I see people choosing one of six ways to handle pressure:

1) Deny it: this is immature and shallow, but often chosen as the preferred option;
2) Be overcome by it: allow the circumstances to paralyze and short-circuit thought processes. One of my favorite lines is from Prof Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary who responded to a whining student’s reason for incomplete work: “Prof, I did the best I could under the circumstances.” Prof’s reply: “Son, what are you doing under there?”
3) Relieve it: a common approach leading to alcoholism, infidelity, and various addictions. It is a temporary fix with permanent consequences;
4) Classify it: This one is a particular favorite of mine. Identify whether it is vertical stress which focuses concentration and pulls us together or horizontal which pulls us apart and is destructive;
5) Rejoice in it: Christians learn to expect pressure and ask what can be learned, not how to avoid it;
6) Use it: the greatest energies can come from redirecting the pressure from negative to positive.

My first reaction to stress is: Don’t Panic. I have great admiration for race car drivers. There is a part of me which vicariously takes those turns and flies down the straight aways. One of the greatest lessons I learned from watching them – and talking with them at Indy one year: Don’t Panic.

The amount of stress, it has been shown, has a lot to do with the feeling of being out of control. Dr. Kenneth Greenspan, Director of the Center for Stress-Related Disorders at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center said, “How stressful it (a situation) will be, depends upon the sense of control, or mastery of the situation.”

Executive stress has been called one of the most debilitating medical and social problems in America today. The Christian faith should have good answers for this. For example, our trust in the adequacy of Christ should take us above the current stress. Oswald Chambers always says, “Sit loose to things.” This has helped me tremendously. Twice in my consulting career mergers cancelled my primary client accounts – each done with little notice and serious financial implications. Reminding myself of Chambers’ admonition was crucial. Other fundamental tenets of the Christian faith like forgiveness, our temporal state, the sin nature of man, and the all-encompassing power of God help us put stress into proper perspective. Losing control is predictable; gaining perspective is profitable.

This week think carefully about: 1) What is stressing me right now? 2) How am I choosing to handle it? 3) Who needs encouragement to more constructively deal with their pressures?

Words of Wisdom: “We all have pressure.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance.” (Romans 5:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 24, 2019

Fred traditionally did his Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. The family all knew when he left “to run errands” he was out finding gifts. When he returned he wrapped his bounty in newspaper and put them aside. Why not under the tree? Because that was the other tradition – buying and decorating the tree as a family on Christmas Eve. It was years before the grown children realized he waited until the trees’ prices were reduced drastically.

BWF and BWFLI send Christmas blessings to each of you. Your faithful support strengthens and encourages. May your Christmas Day bring hope and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thinking About Stress

(Harold Myra and Paul Robbins queried Fred at length in the mid-1980s. One question opened the way for one of Fred’s highly identifiable thoughts: the difference between a problem and a fact of life. As we plan for 2020, it is helpful to “listen” to Fred talk about stress.)

“Back in 1965 we heard you give a talk at a Youth For Christ convention on various aspects of stress. Do you still think about this?”

Recently, I had a visit with Dr. David Morrison who is a national authority on the subject of stress. It is interesting that he considers stress to be part of a heathy person.

One of the things about stress is being able to define the areas in which you are helped by having stress. There is definitely a healthy aspect. The key is identifying the problem. I like to say a problem is something I can do something about, If I can’t do anything about it, it is not my problem. It doesn’t become my problem until there is a way I can affect the outcome. If I can’t do anything, it becomes a fact of life. I have to constantly be able to recognize and differentiate, accept, and live with the answer. I cannot solve things that are insolvable. Therefore, I spend no time thinking about them.

A young executive came up to me one morning and asked if he could talk with me. We stepped over to the side of the room away from the others. He had a distinct tremor. “Mr. Smith, last night was the most meaningful night of my life. Do you notice anything wrong with me?” “You’re trembling.” “Yes. Last night I listened as you were talking about problems and facts of life. All my life I have had this tremor and probably will have it the rest of my life. But last night I went up to my room and came to peace with it. It’s not my problem anymore; it’s a fact of life.”

Many people call things problems which actually are facts of life. For example, company policy isn’t an employee’s problem; it’s his fact of life. Mental and emotional health comes from being able to say “I will not be oppressed or anxious about things I can do nothing about.”

Don’t ask, “Is this a tense job?” That’s the wrong question. The right question is “Am I tense?” Stress provides good clues about strengths, talents, and best places to operate. It highlights weaknesses, as well, and points us away from certain jobs if we listen.

This week think about: 1) How healthy is my stress? 2) What clues am I receiving from current stress? 3) How can I apply problem v. fact of life this week?

Words of Wisdom: “I spend no time thinking about things I can do nothing about.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.” (Proverbs 12:25 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 6, 2014

Fred said, “I have never felt pressured by time.”  He refused to give in to the press of extraneous demands which took control of his life.  He clearly defined his schedule.  This did not mean he lacked a sense of urgency.  In fact, his ability to prioritize and to take action marked his life. He once asked pro athlete Craig Morton what it takes to be a great quarterback.  His answer, “The ability to relax under fire.”

Sharing these bits of Fred-thought each week is a joy and a blessing.  Thank you for your continual support and encouragement.  We enjoy being part of your Tuesdays and hope the wisdom strengthens you.

The Necessity of Urgency

If you lack a sense of urgency, then you must have nothing important in your life.

Some of my retired friends tell me a problem they face is the flattening out of their priority list — everything becomes equally important.  One of the great motivations of life is that things have to be done at a certain time and in a certain way… you develop urgency around them.  Without this, you lose zest in life.  The study saying executive men have a life expectancy of 19 months past retirement reflects the lack of urgency.  Retirees who engage in activities which allow them to insert urgency and prioritization into their lives out live the charts.

It is critical to discipline our urgency.  This is the difference between healthy drive and panic which is one of the unhealthiest of our emotions.  My entire life I have tried to live with the maxim:  “Don’t panic.”  This allows me the freedom to operate in tight situations with clarity.

I remember having prepared very intensely for a talk to the Texas Bankers’ Convention.  The evening before, I reached into my briefcase for the presentation.  To my horror, there wasn’t a single piece of paper in there.  I realized I left the file in the trunk of my car which was at the dealership for repair and totally unavailable.   (more…)