Weekly Thought – November 6, 2018

Fred learned by watching and listening to business leaders he admired. One of the common denominators of all was the consistent use of personal discipline. In mentoring high achievers throughout his life he recognized the necessity of healthy habits. In the family he “encouraged” the children to persevere by quoting the poet’s line: “When nothing but the will says go.”

Breakfast With Fred (BWF) is truly grateful for the encouragement. Your messages, your prayer, and your financial support enable us to move forward with the work, both through the website, weekly thoughts, and Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Your tax-deductible gifts allow us to continue “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Importance of Discipline

Let’s recognize the difference between punishment and discipline. Many people use the words interchangeably, but punishment is what happens when discipline fails.

For years I have observed the importance of discipline in a person’s area of expertise. Many, particularly in performance, live undisciplined lives but are very rigorous about their art. They compartmentalize their strong habits.

In a documentary about famous tenor Pavarotti, it is interesting to see how perfectionistic he is in his artistry, yet totally unregulated in his eating. Having been known as Fat Fred for decades in years past, I understand being calorically-challenged. I found the disconnect between other disciplines in my life and my love of eating. Exercising physical discipline helped me create continuity.

A film on Elvis Presley pointed out the discrepancy between the high level of discipline in his professional and private lives. A friend who was familiar with his work habits told me how Elvis would sit at the piano working on his phrasing hour by hour until it was exactly right. Even such geniuses as Ernest Hemingway who lived a dissolute and destructive life said, “Every morning at 8:00 I bite the nail.”

Bishop Fulton Sheen spoke to a parish priests’ retreat. During his discussion on impact he made the comment: “People listen when I talk. It is because everyday since entering the priesthood I have spent one hour with my Lord. Even when I only had two hours of sleep, I walked the floor and prayed for one hour.” He felt this spiritual discipline gave him power.

Unfortunately, there are people of superior talent who will not submit to discipline. The result is the lack of fulfillment and full development of their potential. For example, I knew a young man with great running ability. In high school he ran so fast he literally ran through the curves on the track. Coaches saw his world class speed and expected to see a future Olympian. He refused to discipline his talent and leaned just on his natural ability. When that wasn’t enough, he stopped running. He even lost his college scholarship. Failure wasn’t lack of talent, but lack of “paying the price.”

As a young man I discovered a simple formula which has contributed to my progress. The secret of a discipline life is building strong habits which then form positive reflexes which are the foundation of healthy living and success. When discipline becomes the normal pattern, the full use of potential and productivity is possible.

This week think about: 1) Where are my areas of strongest discipline? 2) Who can I encourage to build healthy habits? 3) What has been the most satisfying reward of exercising discipline?

Words of Wisdom: “Punishment is what happens when discipline fails.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Acquire truth and do not sell it— wisdom, and discipline, and understanding.” (Proverbs 23:23 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 25, 2018

Fred maintained keeping longer goals was one of the secrets to vitality in the aging process. He said, “when you start shortening your goals, you are giving yourself permission to die.” He laughingly told of getting new carpeting in their home and insisting on a 30 year guarantee. He and Mary Alice was were in their late 70s at the time. Even when physical limitations curtailed much of his activity, he kept on stretching mentally.

Keep On Climbing

So many people settle for a lower, comfortable plateau than they could attain by maintaining attention to achieving a higher plateau. High achievers rarely are deterred by the desire for comfort. The force that pushes you forward can be seen as 1) the tension between where you are and where you should be. This is negative tension for it produces guilt. Or, 2) It can be seen as the tension between where you are and where you could be. This generates excitement.

True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps. It is a process of forward movement and then plateauing for assimilation. This process is repeated over and over and continues throughout a productive life.

In the Christian life most of us settle for a lower level than we should. I asked one of my favorite theologians, Ray Stedman, “what are you going to teach Sunday?” He replied, “I am going to tell my people to stop praying for what they already.”

In business I have seen the sad case of very talented individuals who aren’t discovered until too late. In a major corporation the President was regretting that the talent of one of the middle managers was not seen early enough to move him into top management. Some motivational speakers say, “It’s never too late!” The fact: in my experience, it can be too late. Young people should be encouraged to start as early as possible on their upward climb. It is always more profitable to work now and play later.

Unfortunately, our society has encouraged young people to waste the richly productive years in pleasure. If they could understand the value of deferring leisurely gratification, the payoff would be much more robust. And if they could see the benefit of pressing on without settling for comfortable plateaus, they would accomplish much higher levels in the climb.

This week think about: 1) Where am I in my climb? 2) What keeps me from stepping out on the next ascent? 3) Who can I encourage to put aside comfort and press forward?

Words of Wisdom: “True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now David achieved success in all he did, for the Lord was with him.” (1 Samuel 18:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 18, 2018

Fred held his friendships in high esteem. Even after death, he referred to them as friends (not former friends). One of his most notable relationships was with Francois Fenelon a 16th century monk he certainly never met. “My friend Fenelon” was how he began many stories. Fred knew well what true friendship meant and regarded them with deep respect.

Thank you to the friends of BWF who have consistently prayed, encouraged, and financially supported this work for 15 years. This fall will mark the 10th year of the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Our many friends make this possible – and of course, the grace of God.

From Function to Friend

Years ago I met John Stein, the famous impresario, who brought several of the luminaries to Broadway. When I asked him about the secret to the popularity and longevity of stars he said it was in the simple formula: the musical artist or actor goes on the stage or up on the platform as an entertainer, but leaves as a friend. The audience, whether in a concert hall, studio, or at home, feel a bond with the performer. They think they know them.

He explained how they moved from function to friend. They were not interested in an image; they were interested in the function’s creating a way for them to become real to the audience. Think of personalities who are so familiar, you really believe you know them. These celebrities are approached all the time in public places by people who honestly believe they know them, their families, and details of their lives. They achieved the crossover from function to friend. Of course, this friendship is only in the mind of the audience. Those who begin to assume there is a valid friendship become obsessed.
Perhaps moving from function to friendly is healthier!

This is an important lesson in leadership. The great doctors I have known have been able to make this transition without losing their objectivity. My great friends at the Mayo Clinic performed their function so beautifully that their friendship made it a joy to be with them. Mary Alice used to think I was going on vacation when I would head to the Kehler Hotel in Rochester. They know their medicine but they also now me as friend.

This applies, of course, to other fields of work, as well. Anyone who has to maintain an image will suffer loneliness and alienation. The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function. Young ones talk about “empty suits.” I like that description. There are those who do their jobs so well – operate within their function so adequately – but have nothing but the persona. We appreciate their expertise, but fail to care about them as people beyond their function.

Function can become a shield and a mask, aiding us to hide from closeness. But others know when we lead from duty and not desire. I am not recommending you create social relationships with all in your leadership sphere, but that you have an attitude which lends a personal touch.

Jesus went about “doing good.” I like to think He exhibited more than just good works. My friend Ken Blanchard talks about Leading Like Jesus – moving from function to friendship is key.

This week think about : 1) How have I hidden behind a well-executed function? 2) What do I do to make sure others think of me as human? 3) Where are my strengths and soft-spots in leading others?

Words of Wisdom: “The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And to all these virtues add love, which is the perfect bond.” (Colossians 3:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 11, 2018

Fred’s masterful understanding of human nature and scriptural principles gave him stability in his life and in his relationship with others. His ability to take everyday experiences and turn them into object lessons made all of life an “illustration adventure.”

Don’t Overload Your Circuits

We are always warned by the electric company not to overload a circuit. That is sound advice. When I noticed I have six plugs on one outlet I thought about the admonition, but I knew the danger was only potential. Why? Because I only use one of the devices at one time and none will max out the circuitry by themselves. If I decided to turn them on all at once. Or, if Mary Alice plugged in and tried to use all her kitchen appliances simultaneously, the circuitry would undoubtedly be overloaded and there would be a power outage. I remember the years before modern breaker boxes when I had to replace fuses and then remind everyone about the limits of the circuitry.

Overloading happens in our lives, as well. We max our circuitry when we have high levels of potential involvements, emotional experiences, or time commitments. As long as we balance them we keep from frying our system. The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.

The critical point is the relationship between the number of items on a circuit and the use of these devices. Both elements have to be in play. How does this play out in our lives? For example, one can take on fourteen commitments as long as none of them is so demanding to pull power from the others. Or, if several of them are in play simultaneously the human being can overload.

If commitments or activities compete for the current, danger exists. Different items pull different amounts of power for emotional and mental output. We need to understand well the demands of each commitment, measuring carefully the energy each will require and how it will interplay with other activities.
A simple example: in the years when I was doing much speaking it was an activity which was energy producing, so the output and the input were equal. If the work of preparing had not been met with positive response and the sense I was helping, the energy required would have been too much.

To avoid overload, you must reach an equilibrium point where the amount you give and the amount you receive must add up to a positive energy ampage. We burn out when the energy expended (whether psychic, emotional, spiritual, or physical) is not offset by the energy produced.

Remember, it is not the number of tasks, but the net energy required that determines the point of overload.

This week think about: 1) What is giving me energy right now? 2) How close have I come to burn out? 3) Where am I learning to measure the energy input/output?

Words of Wisdom: “The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 4, 2018

Fred spent his entire life studying communication. He learned from men in all areas, including business, arts, preaching, and medical practice. He was a lifelong learner focusing his attention on principles which he incorporated into his business and professional life, as well as his Christian lay experiences.

On September 1st Fred would have been 103. We are thankful his influence continues and we thank you for your ongoing support.

Discipline of Communication

Every leaders spends a good part of the day in communication. A good many books are written on the how-to rules of communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the techniques. Almost any two people who want to talk together can. Often people who are unable to converse successfully are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.

Motivation largely depends on communication and the difference between a good team and a great one is the element of inspired motivation. The difference between a poor team and a good one is generally selection and organization. Any organization with the capability of moving to good can take the next step to great with the proper understanding and use of effective motivation.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words, 2) the choice of words, 3) the sounds of the words, and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively which is akin to staying silent while reloading while the other is shooting. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotion which permits the listener to evaluate on more than a surface level.

Reading body language, seeing what is between the lines, and the ability to grasp the “question behind the question” as one business consultant puts it are all factors in effective listening. In our culture, talking over with a testy, combative attitude has become the acceptable behavior. Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say our political and relational problems would be solved if we really understood what the other one was saying. Not so. In fact, if we really understood what the other was saying we might see we have even deeper disagreements.

Hearing and understanding the words, intent, and purpose are critical to communication, but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) What is my strongest communication skill? 2) How often do I think communication automatically moves toward agreement? 3) When do I struggle being a good listener?

Words of Wisdom: “Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 21, 2018

Fred’s ability to assess people and situations enabled him to effectively consult with corporations, ministries, and family businesses. One of his great principles: “Everyone is logical if you understand their fundamental operating basis. Once you have identified this, their decisions make sense.”

BWFLI is moving quickly into the fall season for the What’s Next Roundtable. Teams are forming and preparations are being made by our fine schools. Please continue praying.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of one of my clients with whom I enjoyed a long time relationship. He was one of my favorite people. I reached over and took two pieces of scratch paper from the pad on his desk. I gave him one piece of paper and I told him, “Sam, write down on that paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to this organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

You have to have a pretty good understanding of a client to do this. Years of trust allow this kind of transparency. It is a very good exercise.

Do you know when we turned the face up they were almost diametrically opposite? The thing that I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was opposite what he wanted me to do. What he was expecting wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar opposite expectations. Think of the implications of continuing with both of us going full steam ahead with such a lack of understanding. And I could imagine other clients, family members, business associates that I didn’t know as well. How often had I operated assuming I knew exactly what was expected only to find I was traveling in the wrong direction at 70 miles an hour. As I considered this, situations came to mind which were created simply by the failure to clarify expectations.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? How often does this occur without our knowledge? How often do business deals fall apart and nobody really knows why? Sadly, how many parent/child or husband/wife relationships falter because each is operating fully thinking they know what the other wants, but without clarifying before going ahead with decisions.

Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.

This week think about: 1) Who needs me to clarify expectations? 2) How can I most effectively ascertain the assumptions of others? 3) What skills do I need to develop to best clarify relationships?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God—with skill, with understanding, with knowledge, and in all kinds of work,” (Exodus 35:31 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 7, 2018

Fred once sent his daughter a scrap of paper with just a few words: “Brenda, opportunity is not mandate.” He was trying to succinctly tell her every open door did not necessarily require walking through. Fred considered every decision carefully, rarely letting impulse interfere with the process.

The BWFLI Roundtable schedule for fall is robust. Teams will be in Kentucky, Texas, and Illinois. Keep praying and supporting financially when possible. Each gift is gratefully received and carefully used.

Call or Mandate

There’s a difference between a mandate and a call. A call is personal; it comes to the individual. A mandate is collective, corporate. The mandate is the organization’s reason for being; the call is the individual’s reason for service.

A leader needs to have a sense of call, and dedication, to serve effectively. Prison evangelist Bill Glass emphasizes this in training his prison counselors. “You have volunteered to be a counselor, but you have dedicated your life to personify Christ in this prison.” He goes through a litany of experience that might exasperate, even frighten, a volunteer ( e.g. getting cussed out, having urine thrown at him, or hostile body language shown). The dedicated counselor will hang in and not be driven out by these behaviors.

A call may change. A person might sense a call to a different organization, or a different form of service. Sometimes I think the call may lead someone out of ministry.

Recently I talked with a pastor in Iowa whose primary ministry was in the teaching role in a church populated by older, long-time Christians. I asked him how he was doing and he admitted he was very unhappy. And not surprisingly, so was the congregation. I asked him, “What is your real love?”
“Winning people to Christ” was his quick, passionate answer.

“In your saint-saturated organization,” I said, “there are probably very few who haven’t heard and responded to the Gospel. When you get up to preach you don’t see anyone who needs salvation. By gift, you are an evangelist. Have you considered leaving the vocational ministry and going back to automobile sales where you are constantly in touch with unsaved people?”

“That’s when I was the happiest,” he said.

He let his ego, family demands, and social expectations push him into seminary and the pastorate. I later checked on him. He resigned from the church, went bac into sales, and is extremely happy and effective. His call “to win souls” did not match the organizational mandate to do expositional preaching for mature Christians.

Many I know need to seriously determine if their call and their organization’s mandate are in sync.

This week carefully consider: 1) How did I recognize my call? 2) What is the primary mandate of my workplace? 3) Who in my environment can help me analyze the fit?

Words of Wisdom: “A leader needs to have a sense of call, and dedication, to serve effectively.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Nevertheless, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each person, so must he live. I give this sort of direction in all the churches.” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 24, 2018

Fred valued his friendships and peer relationships. His generosity of time and mental energy endeared him to those around him. He once said he was going to the grave with a lifetime of confidences. He could be trusted to be who he said he would be and certainly trusted to do what he said he would do.

Fall 2018 is quickly filling with What’s Next Roundtable events. The excitement about sharing experiences and Fred’s ideas on mentoring, networking, and persevering grows week by week.

Responsibilities to Our Peers

I see two clear ways we can benefit our friends and peers:

1) Be an individualist. Oftentimes when I am lecturing to college students, I toy with them a bit by asking all those who feel they are non-conformists to hold up their hands. Without fail, nearly 95% of the audience raise their hands. I always laugh, if only to myself.

Actually, a conformist and non-conformist are the same personality types because they are both outer directed. They both form their opinion and behavior by finding out where the “in” line forms. The non-conformist wants to know where the line is, so he won’t be in it, just as the conformist wants to know where the line is to make sure he is first in the queue. They are just two sides of the same personality.

The nature of an individualist is having a friendly attitude, being part of what is going on, while not jeopardizing their values. He hopes the peer group is right and joins them enthusiastically, but removes himself if they are wrong. He takes the responsibility of challenging the peer group.

2) Be redemptive. When I have the opportunity, my responsibility is to be redemptive. Transformation isn’t just a personal process designed for me alone; it is a process I participate in for the benefit of my peer group. I am responsible for creating an atmosphere of redemption. The ultimate is bringing God’s power to the people and situations in which we find ourselves. I define redemption as simply evil with good wherever we are.

Being redemptive is played out in the Biblical analogies of salt and light. Chasing away darkness is not the function of light; it is to provide an atmosphere for clear sight. When we are salt, we are a preservative – we preserve the rightness of life. We also bring a constructive attitude to our peer group.

Redemption takes discipline. I do not pray for miracles, but rather a willingness to join God in His process or working out matters. Prayer is not for me to change God, but for me to conform to Him. Biblical principles discipline our thinking and our contribution to our peer group. I believe there is a genuine gift in delineating the principles in order to face the day to day situations with discernment.

This week think about: 1) How am I bringing redemption to each of my environments? 2) What am I doing to clearly hold to my principles? 3) Who models these principles for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Transformation isn’t just a personal process designed for me alone; it is a process I participate in for the benefit of my peer group.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When David finished offering burnt sacrifices and peace offerings, he pronounced a blessing over the people in the Lord’s name. (1 Chronicles 16:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 6, 2018

Fred continues to challenge through his prolific production of ideas. Recently 17 pages of quick thoughts he called “daily warm-ups” were uncovered. For the next few weeks we will be using them to help you stretch.

Thank you for your ongoing support of BWFLI in our Spring season. You are certainly appreciated, and needed.

Stretch Before You Run

Everyone knows the importance of warming up. Athletes warm up before a game. We warm up our engines before driving. I personally warm up for breakfast by eating a donut! But how do we warm up our minds? What do we do each day to prepare ourselves mentally for the game of life?

I have found that nothing stimulates me more than good conversation. Scripture says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Ideas strike sparks when they bump into each other, don’t they?

Wouldn’t it be great if we could jump start each day with some good thought provoking talk with a friend? I have put down a few things that you and I might kick around if we had the chance to have breakfast together. For me, they have been thoughts that have stretched the mind. They have loosened me up so that I could run the race more effectively.

1) What’s Your Mood? Think of your moods and attitudes as either freshening or polluting the atmosphere. Some people can only improve a group by leaving it. Our aim should be to become healthy cells, not poisoning one another but radiating health and happiness, seeds being planted which will bring forth much fruit.

2) Humor in the Workplace. I left the office one afternoon during a snow storm, passing several waiting employees. As I walked by I commented on my size 15 shoes by saying, “The Lord gave me skis to walk on.” One of the employees said, “And from where we are looking He gave you a pillow to fall on, too.” I looked back and laughed. Nothing is worse than a stuffy boss.

3) Tombstone Text. Your epitaph should be a guide to your future. Until you know the trip you want to make you can’t select the way. Decide what you want on your tombstone and live toward that end. (Note: Fred decided in his late 20s he wanted “He Stretched Others…” and that is exactly the inscription.)

4) Subcontracting Sin. Anyone in a position of responsibility who enjoys the benefits of someone else’s wrong doing is subcontracting out his sin. In a business if we know bribery is going on and we make no effort to stop it because there is personal benefit, we are subcontracting our sin.

This week think about: 1) What am I doing to get my mind stretched in the morning? 2) Who is the iron in my life? 3) Where did Fred touch a nerve?

Words of Wisdom: “Ideas strike sparks when they bump into each other.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then he opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures,” (Luke 24:45 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – February 20, 2018

Fred greatly admired Albert Einstein’s philosophy of coming to the simplest solution (yet without becoming simplistic). He reduced difficult situations into workable formulas. Although he adamantly eschewed those who would be “formulaic” in his word. The nuances of life were masterfully handled by him.

Please pray for the BWFLI team as they travel to East Texas to introduce the What’s Next Roundtable at Jarvis Christian College on March 2, 3. We appreciate your partnership.

Formula for Understanding

I want to give you a little formula which you can experiment with and see if it will help you like it has helped me.
“First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.” By the I mean, first the thought comes in our mind and if we keep it long enough and endow it with validity, it drops down into our heart, creating a mood. Then the mood rationalizes the action. For example, when we harbor anger as a thought it turns into a mood and it rationalizes a hostile action.

We start by keeping that thought out of the heart. As long as we keep it in the mind it will be fleeting. The Jewish people knew nothing happened until they combined the mind and the emotion. They said, “Guard the heart, for out of it comes the issues of life.”

But it is our responsibility to dislodge the thought before it can get to the heart, creating a mood and ultimately rationalizing an action. I am not suggesting we have the ability to completely clear our mind of thoughts, because I know this just isn’t true. But I do believe we can shove the wrong thoughts by replacing it with something worthwhile.

There’s a tremendous danger when we advocate creating vacuums in people’s minds. There are philosophical movements that encourage blank slates. I do not believe this is healthy or even Biblical. Remember the story of the man who the evil spirit and he cleansed himself of that spirit. The evil spirit “hung around” to find another place to inhabit. Finding none, he returned to the original host seized on the opportunity to make a home for himself and many others. Scripture tells us, “the man was worse off than he was before.”

It is important to re-program our minds to exchange the bad for good. The Apostle Paul was very aware of this procedure. In Philippians 4 he directs the church to “think about such things as truth, nobility, rightness, purity, loveliness, admirableness, excellence and praiseworthiness.” We are not called to go around empty-headed.

We grow in our spiritual life by the transformation of our minds. Protecting our minds is the first step in godly action.
I was on the program with Bob Richards, the Olympic pole vaulter and decathlon champion. As he talked the rather portly executive sitting next to me leaned over and said, “I am not a champion on the outside, but I am on the inside.” The disciplines which Bob Richards developed were critical to his athletic prowess – and a good thing. But it is also crucial to recognize internal championship qualities which will last a lifetime. A disciplined mind is a great start.

This week think about: 1) How would I implement Fred’s formula? 2) What guards do I have in place to keep thoughts from progressing to destructive actions? 3) Who models internal championship for me?

Words of Wisdom: “It is important to re-program out minds to exchange the bad for good.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Brothers and sisters, do not be children in your thinking. Instead, be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.” (1 Corinthians 14:20 NET Bible)