Weekly Thought – January 8, 2019

Fred considered personal growth a serious responsibility. His paraphrased life verse was Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” An evangelist gave this verse to Fred when he was a teenager, and it became a driving force.

This month our BWFLI team will be gathering at LeTourneau University in Longview, TX. Please pray for them as they begin conversations and create connections about their “What’s Next” decisions. 2019 will be a year for publishing. You and Your Network will be getting a facelift with new styling and additional bonus content. The What’s Next curriculum will be featured in a book sharing stories of people with their transition and change strategies.

Enough?

Adequacy is our ability to cope – no matter what the situation. Adequacy is both a fact and a feeling. A lot of people have the fact, but lack the feeling. Consequently, they go around with negative thoughts and fears. For example, when problem situations arise, they handle them capably, but don’t tap into the capacity to enjoy the feeling of adequacy. Therefore, they brush off the success and miss out on the complete experience of being adequate.

I know a young female executive who “leaks.” She handles difficulties easily, then moves on without taking even a moment to process the success. She seems incapable of retaining the feeling of doing well. Instead, she can recite a litany of misses while totally missing out on the feeling of success.

However, there is no reason to say that you are adequate when you are not. This is fantasy and will get you into a great deal of trouble. When your inadequacy is revealed, you will look like a fraud. But a legitimate feeling of accomplishment is important for it contains elements of hope, faith, confidence, and good past experiences.

The ability to think is far greater than the ability to store information. The willingness to act is more important than the data involved with processing the action. Too often we have all the information we need to make a good decision, but failure and subsequent inadequacy come in the inability to take action.

Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action. And as we experience this pairing in our lives we gain the fact and feeling of adequacy. In Texas we have a fitting expression “fixin’ to.” To be truly adequate we need to move beyond that to doin’ it.

And for Christians, we know that the fundamental ingredient is the humility to know our gifts don’t come from us, but through us.

This week think of: 1) When do the fact and feeling of adequacy come together for me? 2) How can I hone my decision making skills? 3) Where are my areas of intended growth for 2019?

Words of Wisdom: “Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as if it were coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 1, 2019

Fred lived as a realist, but chose to see the richness in the days to come. When he and Mary Alice married in 1937 they committed to each other that “the best is yet to be.” They went through very lean financial years, but throughout they stood together acknowledging the will of God in their lives. In 2006 he wrote these words as thoughts on the year to come. They are a personal reflection. They seem appropriate as we enter 2019.

BWFLI anticipates our campus event at LeTourneau University during January. Our team will speak truth, bring hope, and engage students. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.

Optimistic New Year

I am optimistic about 2006. Not only that it will be a year of blessings in the form of opportunities, but also that my health will remain stabilized. The website (breakfastwithfred.com) continues t grow and be useful. The Saturday morning open house (Fred in the Bed) is the bright spot of every week. We have formed a real community of friends. Two notes are typical of this group. One said, “I have a lot of problems which I leave at Brenda’s front door. I come empty and leave full.” Another said, “When I started coming I only faith to get me to heaven, but now I want to serve the Lord.”

I also am looking forward to teaching Zig Ziglar’s class as well as the many telephone conversations with friends (old and new) during the week. I am enjoying the optimism of usefulness.

A friend sent me some research done by Dr. Martin Seligman, past President of the American Psychological Society. The report was done on the effect of optimism on health. He found it was the dominant factor over a long period of time. To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.

Dr. Seligman has authored an interesting and helpful book on optimism showing that it is an attitude that can be learned. There is quite a difference in Pollyanna-ism and genuine optimism. True optimists see the negative but don’t fear them for they feel adequate to the challenge. False optimism is more denial than recognition.

An attitude of optimism not only makes life for the individual but also for those associated with him/her. I have found visitors who come to see me appreciate the positive environment we have created and look forward to returning.

I am credited with hundreds of one-liners. One of my favorites and one I certainly find helpful in this stage of life: “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” If I anticipate usefulness, maturity, and contribution in immobility, dialysis, and other physical ailments, then I am finding the good.

This week carefully consider: 1) What does optimism mean to me? 2) What am I excited about for 2019? 3) How am I communicating a healthy, positive attitude to others?

Words of Wisdom: “To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And you will be secure, because there is hope; you will be protected and will take your rest in safety. “ (Job 11:18 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 25, 2018

Fred knew the power of organizing his thoughts through writing. He regularly quoted Francis Bacon: “Reading makes a full man, conversation a ready man, and writing an exact man.” This week you will share in a very private reading – “Fred’s Credo.”

May this day on which we celebrate the Incarnation bring blessing, clarity, and peace. And may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My Personal Creed

My purpose: To determine what I will become knowing I will become the sum of my choices, and my decisions. To that end I will:

1) Respect truth by searching for it and accepting it from any source.
2) Look for the essence of matters as the elegance of life.
3) Endeavor to pray honestly about any subject, assuming God already knows.
4) Expect nothing but what I earn, but accept gifts gratefully.
5) Own myself. Thereby I can contribute my uniqueness to life. I will concentrate on my uniqueness rather than what I like to do, or what pays the most. If my uniqueness is lost, then there has been no compelling reason for my having lived. I will have failed to contribute my place to life’s jigsaw puzzle.
6) Limit extensive self-knowledge to my most productive strengths and destructive weaknesses.
7) Construct concepts for my thinking and actions so as to minimize large mistakes and give consistency to my living.
8) Relax in the sovereignty of God.
9) Decide issues of life by faith based on Biblical authority.
10) Respect money as a tool, never an idol.
11) Endeavor to accept my rightful responsibility because it is right not necessarily because I like it.
12) Realize my acts affect others and have ripple effects.
13) Accept human imperfection as a reality, but never an excuse.
14) See profitable and interesting experiences in areas of life that will continually broaden me.
15) Turn all experiences into knowledge and knowledge into wisdom.
16) Live so that the best is yet to be by attending to maturity, health, relationships, and capital.

I Will Not:

1) Build an unreal image which enslaves me or alienates me from others.
2) Make a junkyard of my old age through bad decisions.
3) Sacrifice self-respect, health, family, relationship with God for business success.

This week think about: 1) What is my personal creed? 2) Which of Fred’s points penetrated my heart? 3) Which one needs my attention?

Words of Wisdom: “I will become the sum of my choices, and my decisions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “That you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so that you may walk in a manner of the Lord.” (Colossians 1:9, 10 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 13, 2018

Fred could squeeze more ideas out of random situations than a dozen others. He saw principles and illustrations everywhere. This characteristic made him a most interesting conversationalist – and also a bit off center! He loved analyzing life – and we all benefit from his observations.

As the year comes to a end we thank everyone for their enthusiastic support and care. We so appreciate the ongoing support which allows us to keep the website, campus events, weekly thought, and Facebook presence active. The financial gifts are used with diligence and gratitude. Would you please consider BWF Project, Inc. in your year-end giving? Thank you.

Iron and Clay

I was always interested in the reasons people connected – or didn’t. It intrigued me to see which ones had “chemistry,” while others lacked an affinity. For example, I have friends who bond through common interests, even common enemies. There are linkages which look to many as hypocritical and political. I have Christian friends who assure me they can identify other Christians in just casual encounters. This ability to be in sync is often felt in the reverse.

For example, have you ever met someone and felt an immediate irritability? Maybe even wanted to call them by a name other than their own? I realized long ago we can associate others with acquaintances (or family members) who bring negative or positive reactions. I knew a female executive who told me her immediate superior seemed to have an instant dislike for her. When she dug a bit, she reminded him of his ex-wife. “Wearing another’s face” can create warm or cold feelings.

The one that interests me quite a bit is the concept of iron and clay. We all have both elements. Some of us are allergic to clay while others are magnetized by the iron. Some of us are put off by the iron and handle the clay with poise.

I know I am drawn to iron. Some of my friends say, “Smith, you have some of the strangest friends!” Until I started looking at it I was surprised. Then as I took a good look I saw what they meant. For example, one man who a leading contractor in Canada would come into our home and immediately reset the thermostat (without asking permission). I finally asked him why he did this. “You want it right, don’t you?” What was I to say? I didn’t want it wrong, did I? I just put up with his idiosyncrasies and reset it when he left. I saw the iron in the man, not the clay.
One of my relatives never appreciated the collection of friends I accumulated. Finally, one day I simply said, “You have a negative magnetism to iron in personalities. You are able to deal with their clay. I overlook the clay because the iron is where I see their giftedness and their contribution.”
Occasionally, you will run into somebody who seems to be 100% one or the other. When you do, it is imperative you make a studied decision and not just react emotionally to them. Spiritual maturity is also at play in these interactions. We learn to rub the rough edges off as we grow and also learn to appreciate the strengths (and forgive the weaknesses) of each other.

This week think about: 1) What characteristics attract me to others? 2) What personality traits trigger my allergic reactions? 3) How can I better understand my friendships?

Words of Wisdom: “We learn to rub the rough edges off as we grow and also learn to appreciate the strengths (and forgive the weaknesses) of each other.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, if you call out for discernment – raise your voice for understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 6, 2018

Fred learned by watching and listening to business leaders he admired. One of the common denominators of all was the consistent use of personal discipline. In mentoring high achievers throughout his life he recognized the necessity of healthy habits. In the family he “encouraged” the children to persevere by quoting the poet’s line: “When nothing but the will says go.”

Breakfast With Fred (BWF) is truly grateful for the encouragement. Your messages, your prayer, and your financial support enable us to move forward with the work, both through the website, weekly thoughts, and Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Your tax-deductible gifts allow us to continue “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Importance of Discipline

Let’s recognize the difference between punishment and discipline. Many people use the words interchangeably, but punishment is what happens when discipline fails.

For years I have observed the importance of discipline in a person’s area of expertise. Many, particularly in performance, live undisciplined lives but are very rigorous about their art. They compartmentalize their strong habits.

In a documentary about famous tenor Pavarotti, it is interesting to see how perfectionistic he is in his artistry, yet totally unregulated in his eating. Having been known as Fat Fred for decades in years past, I understand being calorically-challenged. I found the disconnect between other disciplines in my life and my love of eating. Exercising physical discipline helped me create continuity.

A film on Elvis Presley pointed out the discrepancy between the high level of discipline in his professional and private lives. A friend who was familiar with his work habits told me how Elvis would sit at the piano working on his phrasing hour by hour until it was exactly right. Even such geniuses as Ernest Hemingway who lived a dissolute and destructive life said, “Every morning at 8:00 I bite the nail.”

Bishop Fulton Sheen spoke to a parish priests’ retreat. During his discussion on impact he made the comment: “People listen when I talk. It is because everyday since entering the priesthood I have spent one hour with my Lord. Even when I only had two hours of sleep, I walked the floor and prayed for one hour.” He felt this spiritual discipline gave him power.

Unfortunately, there are people of superior talent who will not submit to discipline. The result is the lack of fulfillment and full development of their potential. For example, I knew a young man with great running ability. In high school he ran so fast he literally ran through the curves on the track. Coaches saw his world class speed and expected to see a future Olympian. He refused to discipline his talent and leaned just on his natural ability. When that wasn’t enough, he stopped running. He even lost his college scholarship. Failure wasn’t lack of talent, but lack of “paying the price.”

As a young man I discovered a simple formula which has contributed to my progress. The secret of a discipline life is building strong habits which then form positive reflexes which are the foundation of healthy living and success. When discipline becomes the normal pattern, the full use of potential and productivity is possible.

This week think about: 1) Where are my areas of strongest discipline? 2) Who can I encourage to build healthy habits? 3) What has been the most satisfying reward of exercising discipline?

Words of Wisdom: “Punishment is what happens when discipline fails.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Acquire truth and do not sell it— wisdom, and discipline, and understanding.” (Proverbs 23:23 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 25, 2018

Fred maintained keeping longer goals was one of the secrets to vitality in the aging process. He said, “when you start shortening your goals, you are giving yourself permission to die.” He laughingly told of getting new carpeting in their home and insisting on a 30 year guarantee. He and Mary Alice was were in their late 70s at the time. Even when physical limitations curtailed much of his activity, he kept on stretching mentally.

Keep On Climbing

So many people settle for a lower, comfortable plateau than they could attain by maintaining attention to achieving a higher plateau. High achievers rarely are deterred by the desire for comfort. The force that pushes you forward can be seen as 1) the tension between where you are and where you should be. This is negative tension for it produces guilt. Or, 2) It can be seen as the tension between where you are and where you could be. This generates excitement.

True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps. It is a process of forward movement and then plateauing for assimilation. This process is repeated over and over and continues throughout a productive life.

In the Christian life most of us settle for a lower level than we should. I asked one of my favorite theologians, Ray Stedman, “what are you going to teach Sunday?” He replied, “I am going to tell my people to stop praying for what they already.”

In business I have seen the sad case of very talented individuals who aren’t discovered until too late. In a major corporation the President was regretting that the talent of one of the middle managers was not seen early enough to move him into top management. Some motivational speakers say, “It’s never too late!” The fact: in my experience, it can be too late. Young people should be encouraged to start as early as possible on their upward climb. It is always more profitable to work now and play later.

Unfortunately, our society has encouraged young people to waste the richly productive years in pleasure. If they could understand the value of deferring leisurely gratification, the payoff would be much more robust. And if they could see the benefit of pressing on without settling for comfortable plateaus, they would accomplish much higher levels in the climb.

This week think about: 1) Where am I in my climb? 2) What keeps me from stepping out on the next ascent? 3) Who can I encourage to put aside comfort and press forward?

Words of Wisdom: “True achievement is not a straight line upwards, but one with staggered steps.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now David achieved success in all he did, for the Lord was with him.” (1 Samuel 18:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 18, 2018

Fred held his friendships in high esteem. Even after death, he referred to them as friends (not former friends). One of his most notable relationships was with Francois Fenelon a 16th century monk he certainly never met. “My friend Fenelon” was how he began many stories. Fred knew well what true friendship meant and regarded them with deep respect.

Thank you to the friends of BWF who have consistently prayed, encouraged, and financially supported this work for 15 years. This fall will mark the 10th year of the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Our many friends make this possible – and of course, the grace of God.

From Function to Friend

Years ago I met John Stein, the famous impresario, who brought several of the luminaries to Broadway. When I asked him about the secret to the popularity and longevity of stars he said it was in the simple formula: the musical artist or actor goes on the stage or up on the platform as an entertainer, but leaves as a friend. The audience, whether in a concert hall, studio, or at home, feel a bond with the performer. They think they know them.

He explained how they moved from function to friend. They were not interested in an image; they were interested in the function’s creating a way for them to become real to the audience. Think of personalities who are so familiar, you really believe you know them. These celebrities are approached all the time in public places by people who honestly believe they know them, their families, and details of their lives. They achieved the crossover from function to friend. Of course, this friendship is only in the mind of the audience. Those who begin to assume there is a valid friendship become obsessed.
Perhaps moving from function to friendly is healthier!

This is an important lesson in leadership. The great doctors I have known have been able to make this transition without losing their objectivity. My great friends at the Mayo Clinic performed their function so beautifully that their friendship made it a joy to be with them. Mary Alice used to think I was going on vacation when I would head to the Kehler Hotel in Rochester. They know their medicine but they also now me as friend.

This applies, of course, to other fields of work, as well. Anyone who has to maintain an image will suffer loneliness and alienation. The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function. Young ones talk about “empty suits.” I like that description. There are those who do their jobs so well – operate within their function so adequately – but have nothing but the persona. We appreciate their expertise, but fail to care about them as people beyond their function.

Function can become a shield and a mask, aiding us to hide from closeness. But others know when we lead from duty and not desire. I am not recommending you create social relationships with all in your leadership sphere, but that you have an attitude which lends a personal touch.

Jesus went about “doing good.” I like to think He exhibited more than just good works. My friend Ken Blanchard talks about Leading Like Jesus – moving from function to friendship is key.

This week think about : 1) How have I hidden behind a well-executed function? 2) What do I do to make sure others think of me as human? 3) Where are my strengths and soft-spots in leading others?

Words of Wisdom: “The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And to all these virtues add love, which is the perfect bond.” (Colossians 3:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 11, 2018

Fred’s masterful understanding of human nature and scriptural principles gave him stability in his life and in his relationship with others. His ability to take everyday experiences and turn them into object lessons made all of life an “illustration adventure.”

Don’t Overload Your Circuits

We are always warned by the electric company not to overload a circuit. That is sound advice. When I noticed I have six plugs on one outlet I thought about the admonition, but I knew the danger was only potential. Why? Because I only use one of the devices at one time and none will max out the circuitry by themselves. If I decided to turn them on all at once. Or, if Mary Alice plugged in and tried to use all her kitchen appliances simultaneously, the circuitry would undoubtedly be overloaded and there would be a power outage. I remember the years before modern breaker boxes when I had to replace fuses and then remind everyone about the limits of the circuitry.

Overloading happens in our lives, as well. We max our circuitry when we have high levels of potential involvements, emotional experiences, or time commitments. As long as we balance them we keep from frying our system. The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.

The critical point is the relationship between the number of items on a circuit and the use of these devices. Both elements have to be in play. How does this play out in our lives? For example, one can take on fourteen commitments as long as none of them is so demanding to pull power from the others. Or, if several of them are in play simultaneously the human being can overload.

If commitments or activities compete for the current, danger exists. Different items pull different amounts of power for emotional and mental output. We need to understand well the demands of each commitment, measuring carefully the energy each will require and how it will interplay with other activities.
A simple example: in the years when I was doing much speaking it was an activity which was energy producing, so the output and the input were equal. If the work of preparing had not been met with positive response and the sense I was helping, the energy required would have been too much.

To avoid overload, you must reach an equilibrium point where the amount you give and the amount you receive must add up to a positive energy ampage. We burn out when the energy expended (whether psychic, emotional, spiritual, or physical) is not offset by the energy produced.

Remember, it is not the number of tasks, but the net energy required that determines the point of overload.

This week think about: 1) What is giving me energy right now? 2) How close have I come to burn out? 3) Where am I learning to measure the energy input/output?

Words of Wisdom: “The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 4, 2018

Fred spent his entire life studying communication. He learned from men in all areas, including business, arts, preaching, and medical practice. He was a lifelong learner focusing his attention on principles which he incorporated into his business and professional life, as well as his Christian lay experiences.

On September 1st Fred would have been 103. We are thankful his influence continues and we thank you for your ongoing support.

Discipline of Communication

Every leaders spends a good part of the day in communication. A good many books are written on the how-to rules of communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the techniques. Almost any two people who want to talk together can. Often people who are unable to converse successfully are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.

Motivation largely depends on communication and the difference between a good team and a great one is the element of inspired motivation. The difference between a poor team and a good one is generally selection and organization. Any organization with the capability of moving to good can take the next step to great with the proper understanding and use of effective motivation.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words, 2) the choice of words, 3) the sounds of the words, and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively which is akin to staying silent while reloading while the other is shooting. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotion which permits the listener to evaluate on more than a surface level.

Reading body language, seeing what is between the lines, and the ability to grasp the “question behind the question” as one business consultant puts it are all factors in effective listening. In our culture, talking over with a testy, combative attitude has become the acceptable behavior. Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say our political and relational problems would be solved if we really understood what the other one was saying. Not so. In fact, if we really understood what the other was saying we might see we have even deeper disagreements.

Hearing and understanding the words, intent, and purpose are critical to communication, but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) What is my strongest communication skill? 2) How often do I think communication automatically moves toward agreement? 3) When do I struggle being a good listener?

Words of Wisdom: “Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 21, 2018

Fred’s ability to assess people and situations enabled him to effectively consult with corporations, ministries, and family businesses. One of his great principles: “Everyone is logical if you understand their fundamental operating basis. Once you have identified this, their decisions make sense.”

BWFLI is moving quickly into the fall season for the What’s Next Roundtable. Teams are forming and preparations are being made by our fine schools. Please continue praying.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of one of my clients with whom I enjoyed a long time relationship. He was one of my favorite people. I reached over and took two pieces of scratch paper from the pad on his desk. I gave him one piece of paper and I told him, “Sam, write down on that paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to this organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

You have to have a pretty good understanding of a client to do this. Years of trust allow this kind of transparency. It is a very good exercise.

Do you know when we turned the face up they were almost diametrically opposite? The thing that I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was opposite what he wanted me to do. What he was expecting wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar opposite expectations. Think of the implications of continuing with both of us going full steam ahead with such a lack of understanding. And I could imagine other clients, family members, business associates that I didn’t know as well. How often had I operated assuming I knew exactly what was expected only to find I was traveling in the wrong direction at 70 miles an hour. As I considered this, situations came to mind which were created simply by the failure to clarify expectations.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? How often does this occur without our knowledge? How often do business deals fall apart and nobody really knows why? Sadly, how many parent/child or husband/wife relationships falter because each is operating fully thinking they know what the other wants, but without clarifying before going ahead with decisions.

Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.

This week think about: 1) Who needs me to clarify expectations? 2) How can I most effectively ascertain the assumptions of others? 3) What skills do I need to develop to best clarify relationships?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God—with skill, with understanding, with knowledge, and in all kinds of work,” (Exodus 35:31 NET Bible)