Keeping Confidences

Weekly Thought – March 18, 2014

Fred was asked the “secret” of his friendships with so many substantial and influential people, especially since he had no educational background or social pedigree that would create those natural alliances. “I want nothing from them and they can trust me.” He once said, “When I die years of confidences will go with me.”

He valued the confidence of others, as well. His faithful secretary Margie Keith listened to his thinking for hundreds of hours as she transcribed his tapes. She never disclosed his thoughts. Last month Margie died in Floyd, VA. She will be missed and her contribution to our ongoing work can never be overestimated. Please remember her sister Wilma Reed who faithfully cared for her.

Keeping Confidences

Strong friendships involve confidences. The giving and receiving of them is the true test of the relationship. They grow in proportion to the confidences which we share with one another. This demonstrates trust. Therefore, true friendships grow slowly.

Within each of us is the desire to be known, but each of us does not have the same ability or willingness. Often it is easier to know others than to be known by others. When I say “know” I mean a deep understanding. Often it is easy to create temporary relationships which look like trusting and knowing, but are actually just passing by. It is easy to feign attachment.

One of the key elements of sharing confidences is knowing how strongly someone feels about the subject being shared. There are times when something is publicly shared without malice, but just out of misunderstanding the depth and seriousness of the confidence. Friendships can be jeopardized or even ended by careless exposure. (more…)

Interested, but not Curious

Weekly Thought – March 11, 2014

Fred thoroughly understood the paradox of being both wise and gentle. He valued friendships and carefully considered what it meant to make and keep friendships. He wrote a great deal about the nature of business and personal relationships, offering clear thinking and challenge.

Thank you for your encouraging emails. Fred constantly asked the Lord to make him useful – we continue to ask the same. Our goal is to be helpful by bringing you Fred’s thinking.

Interested, but not Curious

The deep, sincere interest in each other as friends does not include curiosity. Personally, I am “turned off” by those who exhibit idle curiosity about me. Interested-yes; curious-no.

Often people confuse interest in people with curiosity about people. The tabloid culture fosters endless curiosity which has no limits – not even boundaries of common courtesy. The desire to know more and more is morbid and indecent. On the other hand, interest has a positive, helpful, outgoing connotation.

Curiosity is self-centered and self-serving. It scratches an itch that is strictly for selfish satisfaction. It has nothing to do with the serving the good of another. Celebrity chasers don’t think about higher aims for they just want to “get the story.”

Interest is founded on the desire to do good, be helpful, participate in growth, and stretch others. It is part of the process of finding ways to serve. These motivations are 180 degrees apart. (more…)

What is Love?

Weekly Thought – March 4, 2014

Fred’s memorial service featured a DVD produced six months before his death. He shared wisdom, humor, and inspiration. He spoke of the legacy he wanted to leave for his children: “I don’t want them to need me; I want them to love me.” Fred loved deeply, but he didn’t like to be “ooky-gooky” about it. Yes, that is his expression.

Thank you for praying with the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute team. God’s presence and power filled the days. The Palm Beach Atlantic University campus was “buzzing” with the conversations, the interactions, and the prayer. The team appreciates the warm hospitality of PBA.

What is Love?

“How do you define love, Fred?” Frankly, I don’t have a concise and precise answer that covers the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual elements. After all, the Greeks had at least four different words.

Love is so poorly understood. The best definition I have found is: “Love is willing the ultimate good for the other person.” I like the idea of “willing,” rather than “wanting,” “feeling,” or “wishing.” Love is deeply rooted in the will.

If left to feelings, it invariably becomes selfish. Because we are fundamentally self-centered, undisciplined love focuses on ourselves and not the ultimate good of the other. Competition ensues —my ultimate good versus yours. When I hear someone say, “If you loved me, you would…” I know selfishness is ruling.

Two factors are in play using this definition: 1) will and 2) ultimate good. When we use these measures, we maturely respond to emotional situations. By looking for the ultimate good we are able to include discipline, restraint, and even confrontation in our response to others. (more…)

Enmity Toward Us

Weekly Thought – February 25, 2014

Fred enjoyed laughter as “life lubricant.” As he aged, he believed humor was one of the key elements of aging well. And part of the freedom of laughter is the ability to let go of slights given by others.

Praying with us as we go forward with the work of Fred Smith, Sr. encourages and strengthens us. Thank you.

Enmity Toward Us

While we can avoid enmity toward others, we cannot control others’ enmity toward us. When we find we have an enemy, we can take a healthy review.

There are several reasons others dislike us. Here are a few:

1) Our involvement in a cause. Cliff Barrows of the Billy Graham team once told me that they are well received, but there is always the offense of the Cross. In war times we see lines drawn creating political enemies. The poignant book, All Quiet on the Western Front showed the pathos of war.

2) Being different from others. Some people just don’t like anything “foreign.” We had a home in another state for years. There was a clear feeling we were “flat landers” and not truly accepted. I asked a local how long we would have to be there before we were accepted as one of them. “Oh, about 50 years, I’d say.”

3) Our self-centeredness. We are selfish by nature. The paradox of Christianity is that we are to be servants of all. We are to use our time and talents not just for ourselves, but for others to the glory of God. (more…)

Bearing An Enemy’s Burden

Weekly Thought – February 18, 2014

Fred spent little time holding on to grudges. He understood the proper role of those who are enemies and the power of “staying in the state of forgiveness.” At age five, Fred lost the use of his right hand. Through childhood he was limited in his physical activities and was exposed to taunting. He chose to view his disability as a “fact of life, not a problem” because “a fact of life is something you cannot change; a problem is something you can solve.”

Planning is underway for two Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institutes: Palm Beach Atlantic University in February and Taylor University in April. Please join with us in prayer.

Bearing An Enemy’s Burden

The acid of enmity is a heavy burden. Being commanded to “bear one another’s burdens,” we bear an enemy’s burden of hatred toward us as one way of helping them with their burden…for certainly hatred is a burden.

When I am with a man who dislikes me, I can forget his hatred of me as soon as I leave – but he has to carry it with him always. As I pray for him to have a lighter burden, I pray to have a lighter enemy.

Most of us would like to be more objective in our evaluation of people. We respect those who can truly and sanely differentiate between the strength and weaknesses of others. Nowhere are we tested more in this than in objectively evaluating our enemies.

I remember wartime posters which depicted the political enemy as a demented animal, leering out at us who were clearly God’s chosen people. We forget that the posters in their countries see us in the same evil way. (more…)

The Power to Take Hurt

Weekly Thought – February 11, 2014

Fred stressed redemption. He talked of redeeming the time, experiences, and relationships. He wrote in You and Your Network of the importance of enemies. This month the emails feature his thinking on the value of including them in the evaluation of a personal network.

Each week we receive emails confirming the encouragement of Fred’s words. Thank you for your support. And, we certainly appreciate your financial gifts which allow us to continue our work.

The Power to Take Hurt

Through enemies we learn to take hurt rather than give it, thereby redeeming the situation. A young man in the congregation of Peninsula Bible Church (Palo Alto, CA) said, “If I meet a dude on the street and he starts calling me names, I am not going to try to understand him. I am going to make him stop; I am going to grab him and push him into the gutter.” Then he paused, “That is what I used to do, but I don’t do that anymore.” He found the power through Christ to absorb injustice and discovered the truth that a soft answer turns away wrath. This keeps the hostile situation from proliferating but also creates a question in the enemy’s mind: “What gives him the power to do that?” This, then, becomes the witness to the spiritual power for it is not natural to take hurt when you are capable of returning it.

The Catholic monk, Thomas A Kempis put it this way: “It is good that we at times endure opposition and that we are evilly and untruly judged when our actions and intentions are good. Often such experiences promote humility and protect us from vainglory. For then we seek God’s witness in our heart.” (more…)

The Blessing of Enemies

Weekly Thought – February 4, 2014

Fred was a pragmatist and a realist. He never allowed himself to discount the value of a difficulty. His famous “Never lose the good of a bad situation” emphasizes his analytical nature. Nothing was wasted. When most chose to wall off the influence of enemies, Fred studied their impact…to the good.

The final preparations for the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute events at Palm Beach Atlantic University are moving at top speed. Please check out www.bwfli.com to get a taste of PBA. Continue praying for team members Al Angell, John Begley, Hartzel Black, Ron Cunningham, Krish Dhanam, Marianne Dodge, Jim Hailey, Garry Kinder,Tanya Magnus, Mark Modesti, Jack Murphy, Joe Petersen, JJ Prendamano, Cliff and Marie Shiepe, Keith and Carolyn Stonehocker, Kat Van Dusen, Pat Walters, Dan Williams, and Brenda A. Smith.

The Blessing of Enemies

It is difficult to say, “Thank you for enemies,” but if we are thankful in everything, then we must. There is value in opposition. There is nothing that makes us take stock or do self-evaluation than the awareness someone thoroughly dislikes us. Knowing someone believes the world would be better off without us challenges our faith and our character.

Our command to love our enemies is uncommon. The historian Michael N. Hart says that Christianity enjoys one of its finest distinctives in loving our enemies. In most world religions, revenge is not just supported, but commanded. (more…)

Redemption Lived Out

Weekly Thought – January 28, 2014

Fred never preached. His Christian witness was one of bringing scriptural principles to bear in every situation. The evidence of Biblical truth was strong in his conversations, but he never sought to artificially impose “chapter and verse” on anyone. Buttons showing a duck crossed out by a black stripe were handed out to all the men at a retreat in California after one attendee heard Fred’s comment on living the Christian life — “Don’t duck!”

We are encouraging each Weekly Thought recipient to tell 10 others about this wisdom and leadership email. We need your help in our expanding, deepening, and preserving efforts. Will you help us?

Redemption Lived Out

Redemptive living requires discipline:

1) Prayer – Personally, I don’t pray for miracles. I pray for a willingness to join God in His process of working out matters. Prayer isn’t to change God, nor inform Him, nor to convince Him to make me an exception to His process — it isn’t a negotiation process. It is to make me conscious that He is, that He is present, that He Cares, and that His Spirit is available to dedicate us to the rightness of what we are doing.

2) Biblical principles – We bring redemption when we bring the principles of the Bible to whatever situation we are involved in, whether it is business, church, family, or social life. Too often the Bible is used for its stories and its promises, while avoiding and neglecting the principles and commands. We need to be clear in the fundamental principle, not just the story. For example, if we decide the controlling principle as seen in Daniel is “obey God and you won’t get hurt” the story of Stephen invalidates that. The principle is: “Decide to do the right thing and let the consequences follow, whatever they are.” The principle is obedience, not escape. (more…)

Redemptive By Choice

Weekly Thought – January 21, 2014

Fred respected life. He also felt a great responsibility to make his life count. Raised in the home of a Southern Baptist pastor, he learned early on the theological definition of redemption. He expanded it to cover an attitude which he highly regarded. He often quoted the verse which admonished us to “redeem the time.”

The Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute at Palm Beach Atlantic University is soon approaching. Would you please pray for the team members, the steering committee, the faculty, students, and administration at PBA, and the favor of God? Thank you for standing with us.

Redemptive By Choice

I have a responsibility to be redemptive when and where I have the opportunity. To be transformed is not just a personal thing; it is a starting point for the transformation of those around us. We can create redemptive atmospheres and environments for those around us.

The ultimate in redemptive action is to bring God’s power to the people and situations in which we find ourselves.

There is a sense in which redemptive simply means replacing good with evil. That can be done philosophically by men of good will. Bringing God’s power into play is the true definition of redemption. (more…)

Owing Our Peers

Weekly Thought – January 14, 2014

Fred took seriously his responsibilities to his friends and peers. He refused to slide when it came to making a contribution to a group. He believed our gifts were given to be helpful – and to be developed.

Part of Fred’s uniqueness was his ability to distill information into pithy, punchy “one-liners.” We now call them Fred Saids. On the breakfastwithfred.com website over 300 are archived. If you are a twitter fan, would you join our volunteer team of tweeters by choosing your favorites and sharing them with your followers? Thanks so much.

Owing Our Peers

I have a responsibility to my peers – to be an individualist.

Oftentimes when I am on college campuses, I ask how many consider themselves non-conformists. Typically, 75 to 95% raise their hands. Laughter usually breaks out. Very few admit to being a conformist because it is socially acceptable to think “outside the box.” When people uphold their right “to be me,” it has a connotation of revolutionary, but conformist.

Actually, the conformist and non-conformist have the same personality type for they are both outer directed. They both work to discern where the “in” line is — one to stand within and the other to stand without. I once knew a young executive woman who told me she loved boundaries. This surprised me for her personality didn’t reflect compliance. Then she explained, “Boundaries show me where the outside is.” She and her more rule-oriented associates are actually closer than either would admit. (more…)

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