Brenda’s Blog – August 15, 2017

“Superheroes have bumps…”

With a smile and great hope my son Jeff asked his five year old daughter, “Do I look like a super hero?” All Dads are bigger than life in the eyes of their little girls, so he expected a “Yes, Daddy!”

Instead, she just looked at him with an expression of surprise, “Oh, Daddy – you don’t look like a superhero – they have bumps on their arms and you don’t!” You could hear the wind rush out of the paternal balloon.

It made me think… how do I identify the super heroes? Do I look for the bumps on their arms? Do I look at the costumes they wear or the powers they seem to possess? Do I spend time looking at the external?

Scripture tells us we look on the outside, but God looks on the heart. How do we judge others? How much time do we spend examining someone’s heart? The world puts emphasis on “stuff,” but that isn’t a fail-safe measure. Dad used to tell people when they casually asked “how much is he worth?” they were actually asking about accumulation, not value. Our worth is established by our heavenly Father, not our stock broker. Bigger bumps don’t mean greater character.

My granddaughter has a genuine super hero for a Dad. He is a man of integrity, strength, faith, and love. His bumps will be seen through his legacy as a husband, father, and pastor. Let’s strive for bumps that are eternal.

Brenda’s Blog – August 1, 2017

“Come before winter” – Apostle Paul

Rick Southerland, BWF’s media director, emailed me: “The August 1st blog post will be your 100th – make it something good.” No pressure, right? So, I thought about nifty spins on 100 – without success. Then I did what I tell others to do – write about what God is teaching you.

For months I planned (and re-planned) a trip to West Virginia to see a dying friend. Details kept changing and I kept working for the ideal schedule. I wrote her saying I wanted to be there with her. I kept hearing Paul’s words from prison to Timothy repeating, “Make every effort to come before winter.” Paul knew if Timothy and Mark didn’t arrive in the next few months he would not see them on this earth. He certainly didn’t doubt the eternal reunion, but he longed for their physical presence.

My friend died a few days ago. She was surrounded by her family and many friends who loved her. She was not sitting in a cold dungeon, aching for the comfort of friends. But I didn’t get there before her winter. Yes, I will see her again in heaven – but I missed the opportunity to hug her, tell her I loved her, and thank her for all her life meant to me.

Why do I choose this for such a milestone? Simply because it points out the fragility of life and the moments which pass quickly. Life gallops these days – no slow sauntering along. We are caught up in the rush of daily-ness. Perhaps it is good to stop regularly, catching up with those we love and taking a reading on the status of our relationships.

Appreciation doesn’t have to be formal. A casual visit, a short card, a quick phone call – all give us an opportunity to be grateful. Notice the commonality in that list? They are all old school forms of communication. At some deeper level, our social media culture doesn’t satisfy the longing Paul expressed for human interaction.

Winters don’t have to be death. They can be emotional losses, physical struggles, business setbacks, or spiritual crises. Our friends send out “come before winter” signals. It is our joy and privilege to respond with the love of Jesus.

What is God teaching you right now? What is He writing on your heart? Who needs to hear it? And blessings on you as you answer the “come before winter” calls in your life.

Brenda’s Blog – July 18, 2017

“Workout complete – great job!”

The bicycle in my community exercise room knows motivation techniques well. After 30 minutes of demanding rotations, it beeps then digitally scrolls these “atta-girl” words. Funny, but they keep me going when I get midway and begin rationalizing a shorter ride. My affirmation requirement is low, isn’t it? But it works.

The Apostle Paul talked of his desire to run the race well, receiving the victor’s crown. That reward is the “well done” commendation by our God. Certainly that is a worthy goal. The earthly workout is complete and there is a “great job” waiting.
Zig Ziglar used to say daily food and daily motivation are both necessary for successful living. We must fuel our bodies and spirits. The fumes of empty tanks, both physical and psychological, make poor substitutes. Just as cars out of gas cough and sputter, so do we when we run low on authentic motivation.

I have several friends who define their lives as “overwhelmed.” They feel the pressures of relationship tensions, financial shortfalls, life changes, and loneliness. It becomes difficult to operate smoothly… life sputters. During these periods, encouragement and inspiration provide impetus to get going.

My Dad’s wisdom influenced men and women for decades. His words spoken to others often helped me. But there were others directed to me which became engraved on my skull, ever ready for application. “Brenda, just start!” During a particularly difficult time he quietly listened to my moaning and responded with those words. Years later that motivation still works. Taking the first step or accomplishing the first task, (much like putting my feet on the pedals and rotating), kick start activity.

Consider carefully: What starts your engine? What keeps you moving? What motivation spurs you to activity? Be grateful for these prompts and techniques which enable us to live productively.

Brenda’s Blog – July 4, 2017

“We Made Too Much”

The sign over the baked goods caught my eye. The marketing department hit a home run. “Day old -on sale half price” is common in bakeries. I am drawn to their marked down items.

This header on the shelving unit made me smile. “We Made Too Much.” They could have just as easily posted “We Sold Too Little” and sent the same overage message. But someone understood the power of an apt phrase.

The book of Proverbs gives us this visual: “Like apples of gold in settings of silver so is a word skillfully spoken.”

The construction of words can greatly impact the effect. I am working on a shift from “have to” to “get to.” It changes my energy and my attitude. Dad told the story of Beverly Sills, the internationally known operatic singer, who prepared to leave an early social gathering by saying, “I must go for I have to sing at the Met tonight.” She no sooner uttered those words than she turned and corrected herself with, “No, I get to sing at the Met.” My challenge is to notice how many times “get to” can be substituted for “have to” and a marvelous lift occurs. For example, “I have to pick up my granddaughter after school.” That is a declaration of a task. But, “I get to pick up my granddaughter after school” comes with a smile and joyful expectation.

Another shift I am making is saying “Always remember” rather than “Never forget.” They both say the same thing, but one is strong and hopeful while the other has the sense of a wagging finger.

Shaping, molding, and crafting phrases is an enjoyable mental exercise. Considering the weight of words and their symmetry gives us an opportunity to create something apt. Ultimately, our expression can bring impact and influence.

Brenda’s Blog – June 20, 2017

“We’re here where we know where here is.”

My 94 year old friend Nance and I traveled 260 miles during the day on a road trip to celebrate her birthday with her son. The day began early and she was somewhat confused. She wasn’t familiar with the route and it took a while for her to start enjoying the trip.

When she saw her son, her face lighted up and she relaxed. We took a tour of a beautiful little Texas town then enjoyed a delightful lunch together. He and his wife recently moved into their brand new home. This was my friend’s initial visit. She looked for familiar furniture, but found nothing but one small piece. I could see her trying to piece together unfamiliar territory.

The day was joyful and she so loved being “out and about.” But she continually tried to put everything into context. “This is where I went to high school.” “You and I have been here before and had lunch.” Of course, neither was true. She struggled to accept everything as new. She wanted anchors.

Happily, as we traveled home she went on and on about how much fun it was to have a birthday party. She also regaled me with reading after reading from a poetry book she carried with her. Long after she transfers from earth to heaven I will remember her recitation of, “Jenny Kissed Me.” Or, hearing her tell me her Dad memorized and quoted so many of the poems in the book. The trip home just flew by!

Then, we turned a corner, came over a rise, and she smiled broadly. “We’re here where we know where here is.” What a profound thought!

Don’t we all feel like strangers sometimes? Don’t we all fight to put our experiences into workable boxes? And then isn’t it a relief when something feels like home and feels like “here?”

Brenda’s Blog – June 6, 2017

“…havoc”

I typed an email to a friend using the word “wreaked.” Before I could even begin to type another word auto-correct added “havoc.” How predictable was I when even auto-correct fills in the spaces in my cliché-riddled email?
Why can auto-correct read my mind? Or is my mind so given to the hackneyed that I fall into one of their algorithms? Then why does it play such havoc with words I know I want to use yet it refuses time after time to leave it alone? How can it possibly think it knows what I am thinking?

Then I think of the comfort of predictability… knowing how a person will react, expecting a certain outcome, or moving confidently ahead. It takes energy to constantly be on the alert for a head fake. It is pleasant to have a certain degree of “I just know” in life.

I saw a shoe hack on Facebook yesterday giving clues on taping toes together to relieve the pressure on the balls of feet in order to wear shoes that were designed by a sadist. What is wrong with wearing footwear that actually feels good? What social faux pas do we commit when we don’t have to tape body parts together in order to reduce extreme pain? What is wrong with living life with a certain degree of predictability that allows ease of motion, socially and relationally?

Certainly, there is energy generated by the unexpected. Dad used to tell me “there’s nothing wrong with you that a little excitement won’t cure.” And I agree… to a point. Too much excitement, too much unpredictability, too much “where in the world is this going?” leaves me with blisters on my soul.

Okay, so the next time I type wreaked and auto-correct smartly pops in with “havoc” I will just smile and type over it with some other word – even though havoc is probably the best choice.

Brenda’s Blog – May 23, 2017

“End Road Work”

When you drive over 4000 miles in a month you spend much time looking at billboards and reading signs. A friend recently posted a query on Facebook about the kind of person who protests repairing potholes. “Why do they want to end road work?”

I laughed because the states of Illinois and Tennessee are bounded by either “Begin Road Work” or “End Road Work” signs. After awhile I literally wanted all of it to end!

My precious daughter in law has a well-deserved reputation as a non-fiction editor. She gave me a classic book on grammar for writers: “Eats, Shoots, & Leaves.” The positioning of commas and ampersands is critical to proper understanding. The notation in the zoo about the koala bear usually reads “eats shoots and leaves.” A world of difference!

The mispositioning of intent often creates more than a funny book title. When we assume we know why people behave in a certain way, we can make snap judgments. Then in a totally logical way (to us), we follow that path to discerning intent. There are broken relationships which are the outcome of a misconstrued word or casual action. We can forget where the relationship commas and ampersands go!

Another humorous road sign was the billboard featuring an attractive 20-something woman hugging a pig (or hog… I am a city girl, so I don’t know the difference). The text read: “Friends, not Food.” It was placed next to the exit to an extensive farm which undoubtedly supported the “Pork is the Other White Meat” philosophy. I already have more people than could possibly be considered authentic friendship. I do not need an anonymous pig. In my mind, the purpose of domestically raised livestock is for feeding all those others Facebook identifies as my friends.

Ride the road with me someday and we will find a world of philosophical discussions to be had – even without the Burma Shave signs! And keep a proper perspective as you roll.

Brenda’s Blog – May 9, 2017

“I am so old I still have an AOL email account.”

The speaker opened his QConference talk with this line. The mostly 30 and 40-somethings all laughed. Of course, I hoped none of them was planning to email me – at my AOL account!

When my 8 year old grandson was 6 he told me he was “kicking it old school.” I laughed thinking about this little one doing something in a long-ago way! Imagine what he would think if I showed him a dial phone and asked him to “old school” it.

Bill O’Reilly and other authors have picked up on the concept of introducing values of the past into the current social mix. One book talks about ways to integrate honesty, integrity, and work ethic into everyday life. One of the challenges is to define relationship in a way that works for 30 year olds, as well as 70ish others. What they consider outdated is the operating system for us.

Their desire to engage in causes reminds us of our earlier days when we passionately appealed for freedoms and fairness. Their energies are directed in ways that seem strange, even sometimes off base, to us. But their longing to make a difference is still an old school value.

There is common ground we should explore. We should seek communication which doesn’t ignore our differences, but desires to expand the conversation. Admitting to an AOL account may be a start.

Sharing the best of each generation enriches us all. We will probably find that old school and new school are not really that much in opposition. And especially when we come to the table with our Christian faith as the core. Listening to each other may build a bond which can only be good for the world. Together we can be healing and redemptive people with a song of hope to sing with each other.

Brenda’s Blog – April 25, 2017

“Daily use will prevent soap scum, hard water, and other stains.”

The Clean Shower dispenser sits on my shower seat. I see it every day and finally it connected with me on a spiritual level.

In a Christian’s life what can be used daily to prevent scum and stains? What do we need to apply day by day to protect us from the building up of yuck?

A clean relationship with the Lord and others comes through regular application of prayer, Bible reading, meditation, and fellowship with believers. These need to be sprayed generously and regularly to avoid the pollution of this world.

If I miss days in my shower, the work to restore the cleanliness requires more work. If I miss days of conversing with God through Bible study, prayer, and communion with others I start seeing the soap scum gathering around the edges of my soul. I can never lose my salvation, but I can lose the joy of my salvation.

As I squirt Clean Shower I need to remember to cover the corners of my spiritual life, as well.

For me this means starting the day out with the recital of The Lord’s Prayer. Not because it is a personal prayer, but because it is a “we prayer” – praying for the entire Body of Christ. It connects me with others as I ask our great God to provide, and protect.

Then I put on the spiritual armor. This is crucial to avoid the hard stains of the world. I put on the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the truth belt, the peace shoes, stand behind the shield of faith, and then take in my hand the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God… then having done this I pray at all times in the Spirit.

There is no absolute guarantee that sin and slime won’t affect me, but daily doses of spiritual disciplines will certainly reduce the long-term effects.

Brenda’s Blog – April 11, 2017

“Make a memory with me tonight.”

My sweet 94 year old friend Nance sat across the table at our weekly night out. Suddenly she started singing: “Make a memory with me tonight. I will put my arms around you and hold you tight; So tomorrow we will say ‘Wasn’t it a delightful yesterday?’”

WOW! What a moment.

When we were growing up, memories were high value items. My parents always talked about “putting deposits in the memory bank.” As we became parents (and now grandparents) we carried on the tradition. The accumulation of material possessions took second place to the opportunity of sharing stories, experiences, and time.

Before we close our eyes each night, perhaps it would be good to take a minute and check on the deposits made in the memory bank. We don’t need six figure additions – the little ones add up. And sometimes, just an email, text, phone conversation, a cup of coffee together, or a hug can build a solid account.

Reviewing the memories is one of the dividends. Reliving the experiences brings happiness and usually, laughter. Sometimes the harrowing times become the foundation for precious remembrances. Dad used to say to us, “The things you cry about today you will laugh about tomorrow.” Obviously, this applies to non-life threatening, or serious relationship crises. They don’t fall into this category, but the time the dog rolled in mud, ran into the house, and leaped on the couch definitely does! Memory material!

Nance’s husband of nearly 70 years left for heaven two years ago this month. She misses him, but she relishes the stories and the memories they made night after night – and yes, he did hold her tight!

What deposit did you make today? What will help you stop tomorrow and say, “Wasn’t it a delightful yesterday?”