Weekly Thought – January 2, 2018

Fred spent every January 1st in the office (between football games and Mary Alice’s black-eyed peas and cornbread) reviewing the prior year. In addition, he made plans for the new year. He refused to make resolutions because he considered them mere restatements of what he failed to do the year before (for example, lose weight, exercise more, etc.) He set quantitative and qualitative goals. He outlined financial mileposts and relational events.

May 2018 be a year of spiritual growth, along with all other life areas. May Fred’s thoughts strengthen you. And may you join with us as we go deeper with our friends in Christian higher education to stretch and bless them.

We will continue with the mentoring questions for a while in 2018. The questions are Fred’s and the answers are his “top of mind” responses to being asked them without any preparation… wisdom on the fly!

Thinking Deeply

1) How do I handle confrontation: comfortably or not until pressure builds? I think I have a responsibility to face confrontation when it is worthwhile and needed rather than waiting until I am pressured into it. Normally, waiting is a desire to avoid rather than to accomplish. I think there are several essentials in confrontation. First, it should be in the area of my expertise. It should be given only as much at the time as the person can do something with the confrontation. I have a rule – if you want to confront, DON’T. If you have a responsibility to confront, then DO. Love, of course, is the environment for confrontation.

2) What makes me feel secure? I have found a strange thing about my security. When I feel small and humble then I feel secure. When I feel big and arrogant, then I feel insecure. It reminds me to come down to the place where I am supposed to be.

3) When do I feel like I have it all together? It is very rare for me to feel that I have all the pieces where they belong. I like Harvard professor Eric Ericson’s statement about old age. He says you have a set of core values. As you age deterioration occurs, but you keep moving it to the periphery. For example, physical abilities change, but that shouldn’t affect the value system. Building your life on elements that decline is unwise. It is important to determine the key values and establish a solid core. Integrity, life-long learner, healthy relationships, faith in God – these are examples of my core. When I cannot travel I will put that to the side and focus on the strengths that remain. I will not define myself by what I cannot do. I will take my gifts and use them in whatever the “new normal” is.

4) Can I receive and give love easily? I think the definition of love is very important and it varies with different personalities. The Greeks used four words for love while the English-speakers regularly use only one. I wish I could have the spontaneous expression some of my friends have, but I have a more platonic personality. My favorite definition of love comes from C.S. Lewis: “Love is willing the ultimate good for the other person.” Love is not just an emotion it is an act of the will. Knowing I am loved by God is foundational to the ability to give to or receive from others.

This week think about: 1) How are Fred’s mentoring questions helping me think about my values? 2) Who am I mentoring? 3) What should I be strengthening in my character?

Words of Wisdom: “I will not define myself by what I cannot do. I will take my gifts and use them in whatever the ‘new normal’ is.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord is my source of security. I have determined to follow your instructions.” (Psalms 119:57 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 26, 2017

Fred believed introspection was an element in forward progress, not an end in itself. He was never high on “navel gazing.” But he encouraged clearly defining gifts, talents, and the way they can be used. He was also very practical about this analysis. May this Christmas season bring time to reflect on 2017 and the way our great God has been present. Before presents were opened, Fred gathered the family together and read Luke 2. We, at BWF, hope the story of God’s coming in the flesh brings joy and hope.

Knowing Myself

1) Do I give money easily? As a child I was raised to believe in the tithe, or 10%. I was also trained to see this as a percentage of the gross, not the net. However, I don’t think this is an adequate level for those with wealth. The Old Testament talked about tithes and offerings as distinct items. A friend of mine anticipated a growing business, so he and his wife sat down and considered what lifestyle level would be appropriate for them. As their income rose they held to their lifestyle and gave away anything that was above that. It took discipline and ego control, but they both attested to great joy.

2) Do I believe God loves me? I once did a casual survey and I was surprised to find a smaller than expected number of people genuinely believe God loves them unconditionally. As one man answered, “He wouldn’t love me if He knew me as I know me.” Fortunately, God has unconditional love which we can experience by faith. We can believe in His act of love shown to us through the crucifixion of His Son and promised salvation promised for those who accept Him.

3) How do I react to change? If I see change as something favorable to me, then I welcome it. If it threatens me, then I resist it. I must remember that all progress involves change and work to develop a positive attitude towards new possibilities.

4) Do I hold grudges? Grudges show a lack of strong thinking. They are fueled by hostility, and animosity. I should rid myself of grudges through either clearing my mind or asking forgiveness. Grudges automatically cloud our thinking. We can hold them against a person or an idea. They waste our time and productivity.

5) Am I basically optimistic, pessimistic, or realistic? If by optimism it is meant a tendency towards the positive and pessimism is the tendency toward the negative, then I actually believe the better option is realism. One of my favorite phrases is, “the current reality.” Max DePree, the highly respected CEO said his responsibility was to define reality for his large organization. I read a book by a POW who said the captured servicemen fell into three categories: optimists, pessimists, and realists. He said the pessimists survived the shortest time, followed by the optimists. He said those who saw their situation as neither good, nor bad, but “what is” were able to make it through the best.

This week think about: 1) How do you know God loves you? 2) Which of this week’s questions is most penetrating? 3) How do I express gratitude?

Words of Wisdom: “I must remember that all progress involves change and work to develop a positive attitude towards new possibilities.”

Wisdom from the Word:” But I am like a flourishing olive tree in the house of God; I continually trust in God’s loyal love.” (Psalm 52:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 19, 2017

Fred asked questions which stung sometimes, but it was a hurt with a helpful intent. He appreciated medical experts who went beyond the surface and endured great pain when he knew it was a necessary part of the cure. This week’s questions touch nerves, but are life-giving when seriously considered.

Contemplating growth

1) What contribution do I want to be the “residue” when I die? Early in our lives it is best to decide what we want the end to be. It is not enough to grow old and then scramble for a legacy. I would like to believe that there is a residue from each situation as I move through life – a little perfume left in the wake of my passing through. There is no greater compliment then hearing from someone, “Thirty years ago you gave me something that I have found helpful throughout my life. Thank you.”

2) Do I see the essence of things or do I get hung up in the periphery? Much of this answer is tied to personality style, life experiences, and cultural environment. I am a big picture person who leaves the details to others. Much of that is my design, but also my training by mentors who focused on results and not the process. When I got bogged down in the nitty-gritty my friend and mentor Maxey Jarman would stop me and say, “Fred, show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.”

3) How many people carry different opinions of me? I am seen as two different people by two groups: friends, and enemies. I would like to follow Billy Graham’s example by not spending time debating my enemies but cementing relationships with my friends. Any mature person has to know that one cannot avoid all enemies and therefore as a dog must accept some fleas, then we must accept some detractors. The Scriptures give comfort in the verse, “Beware of him of whom all men speak well.” Of course, most of us have different facets. I recognized long ago I have a platform persona which is different from my at-home personality. After a speech which included much humor, an audience member rushed up to Mary Alice and said, “Oh, I bet he is so much fun at home. I bet you all laugh all the time!” She graciously smiled, but knew the man at home was not always the man on stage.

4) Do I generate hostility and conflict unnecessarily? When I look back at my life and consider the apologies I have made then I know I have unnecessarily violated others – and for that I am sorry.

5) Who are my enemies? Knowing this is important because they can be a helpful part of your network.

This week think about: 1) What is the key element of my personal growth plan? 2) Who am I encouraging in their development? 3) How am I regarded by associates, family, friends?

Words of Wisdom: “Any mature person has to know that one cannot avoid all enemies and therefore as a dog must accept some fleas, then we must accept some detractors.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.” (Psalm 119:111 NIV Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 12, 2017

Fred would be pleased to know his mentoring questions are helpful. He would want another shot at answering, but these quick shots give us insight into his mind and heart. Taking time as the year ends to think about these is time well spent.

Serious Contemplation

1) What does success mean to me? It is very important to correctly define success. Once I was included on a television program entitled “Successful Texans.” I felt the definition was much too narrow. I like to think of success involving our total being. I leave the recognition to others. When we think soberly of ourselves we find too much potential remaining to declare ourselves a total success. When Billy Weber once asked me to define success I said, “It is the ratio between gifts and talents given to gifts and talents used.”

2) Have I defined my non-negotiables? I was once offered a great opportunity by a well-known impresario to channel my life into entertainment. I refused for four reasons which would be decreased: 1) my self-respect 2) my relation with my family 3) better use of my talents and 4) my relation with God. It is good to remember that opportunity is not the same as mandate.

3) Do others see me as I see myself? Scripture says we should not think more of ourselves than we ought. I also believe we should not think less, for this demeans the Creator. I struggle with awards because in receiving them I am tempted to say, “If they really knew me they wouldn’t give this to me.” But I know God has given me gifts to develop and I do know I have committed to this. This also brings up my favorite definition of humility: “Not denying the power, but admitting it comes THROUGH you and not FROM you.”

4) What images do I want to project? The more transparent we are the more our image will express reality. I find nothing is more uncomfortable than supporting an image that is unreal. It alienates us from people by putting up a shield of fear because we are afraid they will find the difference between the reality and the image. Arrogance fights against transparency and promotes images.

5) What service am I giving to pay the rent on my space in life? I hope I am giving them the best service I have for the well-being of others. Sometimes they see my service in a way that is unlike the way I do. My prayer is always that the Lord will help me be useful to the family of God. I want my life to be helpful, even in confrontation. I am strong on contribution and making sure my life is on the giving side of the ledger.

This week think about: 1) How much have I thought about my non-negotiables? 2) Who could give me objective feedback on how others perceive me? 3) What comes to mind when I think of success?

Words of Wisdom: “This also brings up my favorite definition of humility: ‘Not denying the power, but admitting it comes THROUGH you and not FROM you.’”

Wisdom from the Word: “For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think with sober discernment, as God has distributed to each of you a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 5, 2017

Fred’s ability to ask simple, yet probing, questions enabled him to stretch others. This week we continue with his collection of mentoring questions. The complete list can be found under in the leadership library tab on www.breakfastwithfred.com These questions can be used with others or as a personal inventory.

The Breakfast with Fred Leadership Institute continues to “stretch and bless.” Our 2018 schedule is filled with opportunities to go deeper with students through our What’s Next Roundtables focusing on mentoring, networking, and persevering. Please pray with us. And your financial support would help us expand our reach and deepen our impact.

Profitable Introspection

1) Do I take myself seriously? I cannot know the answer until I analyze what areas I take seriously and the ones I approach lightly. There are areas of my life that should be given the utmost seriousness. Then there are other elements, such as small talk, which don’t matter. I have found that my gifts dictate the level of attention and sense of responsibility. My uniqueness determines my desire to focus seriously.

2) What is the condition of my sense of humor? As long as I can genuinely laugh at myself, I feel my humor is healthy. Any time it degrades into sarcasm, cynicism, vulgarity, or ridicule it is diseased. I consider healthy humor an important part of anyone’s mental and emotional well-being.

3) Do I think about simplifying my life? I find simplification is generally accomplished a little at a time. The key issue is usually how. For example, we should take an inventory of our activities to then see which ones can be eliminated to simplify our time pressures. This inventory also includes a financial study to see what can be cut out if I really want to simplify. We can all find places to cut if we sincerely want a simpler lifestyle. But the key issue is honestly deciding what a simpler life looks like and deciding if that is really what is wanted. And of course, the ability to say “no” is one of the most effective simplifiers.

4) What do I want on my tombstone? I would like something that not only described me, but encourages others. There are two that I find most interesting: “He stretched others,” and recently one that I have thought about a lot “Now I know.” I was told that the great, blind songwriter, Fanny Crosby had a very small stone which simply said: “Aunt Fanny – she did what she could.” (NOTE: Fred died on August 17, 2007. And on his stone in Restland Cemetery, Dallas, TX, these words appear “He stretched others.”)

5) How is my walk with God? I count on knowing my relation to God is based on fact, not feeling. Scripture tells us faith is based on the nature of God, not the nature of our feelings. I would like my walk to be more personal and intimate, but I am grateful He has hold of me. My friend Ray Stedman once told me his whole life changed when he realized God was for him. I agree.

This week think about: 1) How do I test my sense of humor? 2) When do I think about simplifying my life? 3) What is my uniqueness and how does it affect the way I live?

Words of Wisdom: “I consider healthy humor an important part of anyone’s mental and emotional well-being.”

Wisdom from the Word: “This is the account of Noah. Noah was a godly man; he was blameless among his contemporaries. He walked with God.” (Genesis 6:9 NET BIBLE)

Weekly Thought – November 28, 2017

Fred consistently focused on uniqueness. He never waned in his disciplined approach to operating from his strengths. He found “doing what only he could do best” was the optimum use of his time and energy. This week’s questions help you probe. The question is for you. The answer is a quick, lightning round response from Fred with no prior notice.

We at BWF think of you, your encouragement, and your support throughout the year. As we enter the last few weeks, please know we are giving thanks for you. As you do your year-end giving, we would certainly appreciate consideration. Everything that is given goes directly to the furthering of our work.

Personal Inventory

1) What point of brilliance do I have that gets favorable attention? When students used to ask me how they could get ahead in their careers I would say, “Be good in every part of your work, but brilliant in one so you can attract attention.” Getting noticed when starting out is one of the most difficult problems we face. My ability to do public speaking got me early recognition. And many people assume if you can speak well, you can think well. Of course, that isn’t always so.

2) What spiritual disciplines have I found helpful? My best spiritual disciplines have come from associations. There have been four or five individuals who have greatly contributed to my desire to pray, understand scripture, and be of service to the Master. In my nineties, I am also learning much from my adult children.

3) When do I do my best work: under a deadline, for ego satisfaction, with a sense of responsibility, or when it creates energy? Personally, I do my best work when I become conscious of my responsibility. I want that responsibility and fulfillment to be part of my self-respect.

4) Am I waiting to do something significant in my life? It is a mistake to think we can hold back our first class performance for the “big events.” The Bible says faithfulness in little things precedes faithfulness in the big ones. Unless you are doing the routine activities, you are kidding yourself about being ready for the special things. Jack Nicklaus, the golfer, found that he could not play the big tournaments without keeping his game up in the regular events. Every task demands our best.

5) What was I worrying about this time last year? I do not remember what was bothering me this time last year. Worry is a pernicious habit. As a young man building a career with a wife and young child I confronted it and wrote three words down which have been a lifetime motto: “Wait to Worry.” I once read 80% of what we worry about today will never come to pass. If I can wait for the facts then I don’t have to worry. The facts will help me construct a helpful plan. Worry only dulls my ability to find a solution.

6) Does difficulty make me bitter or better? In hard times I have the choice of becoming bitter or better. When we become angry at our circumstances, particularly if that anger is focused toward God, we can become cynical. When we are challenged by our circumstances, and understand the freedom of trusting God, we grow. We always have a choice of a negative or positive attitude.

This week think about: 1) How can I apply “wait to worry?” 2) Who can help me clearly recognize my area of brilliance? 3) What steps am I taking to strengthen my spiritual disciplines?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 21, 2017

Fred adhered to this principle: “I want people to be interested in me, but not curious.” He assembled this body of questions to be used as personal evaluation, in addition to mentoring conversations. A thorough walk through these 365 certainly enhances development and self-knowledge. These quick answers are a way to illustrate how the question can “prime the pump.”

Learning About Me

1) What do I regret having done in the past? What will I regret in the future if I don’t act today? (Fred’s short answer is indicative of his ability to process, integrate, and move on). I don’t spend much time regretting the past since it cannot be changed. I hope to learn lessons that will help me in the future. I select things in each period of my life that is unique to that period. I look at the details, outline the principles, and learn. For example, in the parenting phase, I can see mistakes I made, but I attempt to understand them to be helpful now and in the future. And, I want my children to learn from my mistakes.

2) What would I do and how would I spend my time if I didn’t have to “earn a living?” My answer is probably a bit different than most because I have been fortunate to spend my time doing things not to earn a living but because I enjoy the accomplishment. Living a life of responsibility isn’t based on money. This question often uncovers true interests and gifts which have been misplaced or misused.

3) What is my best escape from boredom? Constructive activity either working on a challenging project or associating with interesting people works for me. I would also include travel in the creative activities which start my engine.

4) How do I mesh the sacred and the secular in my life? I once met a respected man from India who was a devout follower of Ghandi. I asked him about the great leader. He said that in everything he does he is an expression of his religion. That high compliment meant he had melded the sacred and secular. We must be careful to make the things we learn on Sunday applicable on Monday.

5) Are periodic inventories of my life: business, relationships, growth, family, etc. a practice? For many years it was a practice I developed into a discipline. The first of each year, which was usually a holiday, I spent the day in the office reviewing the past year and planning the year ahead. The more specific I could be the better I could evaluate. I started with a financial Inventory, then personal development, then specific improvements in the family, and friendships. I would then look at my business. I think it is helpful to start with the hardest early so you will not give up as soon as you get the plans for the business completed.

6) What hurtful prejudices do I have? Any prejudice I have is hurtful. Even if I understand I must still be working to eliminate them. We should certainly be against anything that Go is against.

7) Which prejudices have I overcome? My geographical heritage gave me some prejudices which I chose to overcome. Being from an economically challenged background, I had to break through the psychological barrier of success and my view of successful people. Spiritually, I had to move from self-sufficiency to divine dependence… this one is an on-going discipline.

This week think about: 1) Which of these questions was hardest for me to answer? 2) How can I use these questions as a mentor to others? 3) What am I learning about the questioning process?

Words of Wisdom: “I started with a financial Inventory, then personal development, then specific improvements in the family, and friendships. I would then look at my business. I think it is helpful to start with the hardest early so you will not give up as soon as you get the plans for the business completed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Acquire truth and do not sell it – wisdom, and discipline, and understanding.” (Proverbs 23:23 NET Bible)