The Listening Leader

Weekly Thought – March 25, 2025

Fred developed an international reputation as a speaker, writer, management consultant, and board member. His gifting for thinking and communicating allowed him to “stretch others.” When asked about his wisdom he considered it a God-given talent, but pointed to listening and asking questions as two critical elements.

The Listening Leader

Every leader spends a good part of the day communicating with others. A great many books have been written on techniques of good communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the technique. Attitude is often the barrier. Almost any two people who want to can talk together. Those who find difficulty communication find they are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.
The difference between a good team and a great one is motivation. Any organization with the ability to get to good can move to great with the proper motivation. And nothing motivates quite like effective communication.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the leader’s ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words 2) the choice of words 3) the sounds of the words and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively, which is simply keeping silent or reloading while the other person is reloading. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotions that permit the listener to evaluate on more than the surface level.

Listening can be apparent or latent. A key to latent listening is the ability to read body language. Gestures, eye movements, and physical positioning give clues which fill in conversational gaps. Our words can say one thing while our body responds in agreement or sending up red flags.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say that all problems would be solved if we really heard and understood each other. Not so! In fact, if we really understood what the other one was truly saying, we might have increased disagreement. We talk around subjects in order to avoid points of disagreement. Hearing and understanding are critical to communication but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am being heard? 2) What enables me to truly hear others? 3) Who can help me develop my listening skills?

Words of Wisdom: “True communication is talking to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:6 NET Bible)

W.A.I.T.

Brenda’s Blog – March 25, 2025

A friend is a retired therapist specializing in couples counseling. He told me of an unnamed, unidentified clients who came regularly for counseling. She was the one with all the input, opinions, and ideas about what would make their marriage work. At one point she talked about being disappointed in social situations because people seemed to greet her, visit a moment, and then move away. She was puzzled. My friend gave her an acronym: W. A.I.T. to use in social situations, as well as marriage. “What do you mean?” He calmly replied, “When you are in a group and it feels awkward, stop and think WAIT… Why Am I Talking? More times than not, you probably have over talked your time and others uncomfortably move away.

My son Jeff carpooled in kindergarten with a darling, outgoing neighborhood girl. One day I was driving and she was talking and talking and talking. At one point she stopped momentarily and Jeff said, “What’s the matter? Did the batteries in your mouth run down?” Nearly fifty years later I still laugh when I think about that time.

Someone facetiously said we were created with two ears and one mouth because that is exactly the proportion we should use as we engage with others. Mastering the fine art of listening enables us to communicate with a highly developed interpersonal skill. Scripture reminds us: “Let those who have ears, hear.” And in hearing, let us understand. Then in understanding, we can help one another travel the path to maturity.

Victory Through Vision

Weekly Thought – March 18, 2025

Fred believed in the necessity of vision, mission, and purpose statements. He understood strong organizational leaders effectively initiated the importance of their being imbedded into the well-running business or ministry.

Victory Through Vision

Davd Rockefeller was once quoted: “The number one function of the top executive is to establish the purpose of the organization.” Like the hub of the wheel, everything else grows out of this priority. Until the vision is established, trouble is ahead. Scripture says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” The New American Standard Bible focuses on the way they perish. “Where there is no vision the people are unrestrained.” To be restrained is to be concentrated in purpose, is essential to accomplishment, and that is why the leader must define why the organization exists.

A leader must personify the vision and be dedicated to it personally. As they seek to maintain the vision, leaders must keep in mind these essentials:

1) Define the vision specifically. Leaders disperse the fog.
2) Express it so other people understand it. Lingo without logic simply confuses and doesn’t galvanize.
3) Get both organizational and personal acceptance of the vision. Nodding heads without knowing hearts keep the motors idling.
4) Repeat the purpose regularly and systematically. The Old Testament patriarchs set up stones of remembrance to remind the people of their story. Mary Alice always sent the children out the door saying: “Remember who you are, where you are from, and what you represent.” She kept the purpose “ever before them.” As they grew up and raised their own families, our daughter Brenda would remind her adult children “be a blessing.”

When you have a clear vision, you view every decision in its light. The vision is a filter and a grid through which all activity flows. It becomes the lens through which the entire operation is seen. The focus enables the leader to both include an exclude. Crafting a workable, sustainable vision can be time consuming, but its effective use is a far better alternative to perishing.

This week think about: 1) How clear is my ability to communicate my personal vision? 2) What am I able to see that inspires confidence in others? 3) Where can I help others craft effective vision statements?

Words of Wisdom: “Lingo without logic simply confuses and doesn’t galvanize.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will give them a single-minded purpose to live in a way that always shows respect for me. “ (Jeremiah 32:39 NET Bible)

Effective Self-Management

Weekly Thought – March 11, 2025

Fred answered a first-time question “Can we get together?” with “Meet me at Cindi’s Deli at 6:30.” It was his first step in evaluating the seriousness of the person. “Could we make it 8:00?” usually equated to a relational false start.

Breakfast with Fred became a buzz word for wisdom gathering among his broad network of learners and leaders. This week’s theme is from his 2007 book Breakfast With Fred. Though focused on executives these principles apply to every area of daily living.

Effective Self-Management

The hardest person on any executive’s team to supervise is himself/herself. The recognition is soon recognized that “my problem is me.”
If many people took the energy and intelligence they spend devising ways to avoid work and applied it toward building a work plan, they would be highly successful. One of the most important executive disciplines is cutting off escapes from effective work. Sadly, there are executives who are strategic about accomplishment avoidance. For example, a great many people study their jobs rather than work at them. Most people already know considerably more than they are actually using in the workplace. Education is not the problem – disciplined motivation is.

Another escape for most people is activity. They have not learned “results are the only excuse for activity.” Many people feel as day’s end that they are satisfied with their efforts when in fact they have just been busy. They are the chief of their local fire department putting out flames but never constructing buildings. They are on the run but never getting anywhere productive. Too many eat, belch, and run – like fire trucks with dirty engines. Little boys make lots of noise playing firemen but grown men and women need to put away their helmets.

In order to accomplish anything you must have a definite goal. Unless you can write it down it isn’t definite or specific. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, taught me that aimless verbal wandering has no power. Only when I put the goal on paper does it take shape. Until it is formed, it may be an idea of a direction, but it isn’t a goal. A ship with a lot of steam doesn’t get to port unless it stays on course.
Once the goal as been set, it must be pursued with a burning desire. The desire must be maintained and sustained with discipline.
(Editor’s note: Later in Fred’s life he changed his focus from strict goal setting to a clear understanding of direction. In fact, one of the questions he would ask emphasized the import of this element in successful living… “Are you satisfied with the direction you are going?” He often spoke of “revectoring” which was the way he described keeping keyed to “true north” and staying on direction. The popular trends of 3 or 5 year plans had less interest for him. He wanted to define his life mission and then measure “staying on course” with regular checks.)

This week think carefully about: 1) How disciplined am I about putting my goals and direction in writing? 2) What will it take to “get out of my own way?” 3) Who models productive activity rather than just busyness?

Words of Wisdom: “A ship with a lot of steam doesn’t get to port unless it stays on course.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May he grant your heart’s desire; may he bring all your plans to pass.” (Psalm 20:4 NET Bible)

Play It To The End

Brenda’s Blog – March 11, 2025

“Don’t make the rookie mistake of thinking the play is over before It is.”

These words spoken by a commentator during the Super Bowl pregame show interested me. The panel went on to illustrate the principle. “He thought the play was whistled dead, so he stopped pursuing … and the opponent scored!”

I don’t play football, basketball – not even pickleball! So, how does a non-athlete apply this?

What about the times I thought the play was dead and walked away? I even thought about the times I pulled off the highway because the traffic backup looked impossible to navigate only to exit and find I quit right before the jam was broken and the traffic moved ahead.
Or college when my plans didn’t work out so I withdrew, and then found out a greatly desired opportunity was offered within hours of my official transfer. I thought I heard the whistle and stopped playing.

Over my 80 years I have ample examples. What comes to mind as you recall your own life experiences? How does the principle and your dreams/goals intersect? Are there times when you quit too soon?

What did those rookie football players learn? Never assume it is the end; never stop playing. As followers of Jesus we can use these opportunities to grow and help others. The Lord brings us through in order to use us for His plan and glory.

Maturity helps us avoid rookie mistakes. We learn to know when to play on.

A Word From Zig

Weekly Thought – March 4, 2025

Fred published the fourth of his five books: Leading With Integrity in 1999. Zig Ziglar, Fred’s longtime friend, was asked to write “a word of introduction.” This week Zig’s thoughts are featured. Fred valued the relationship and the times together. (Although the book is now out of print, frequently our weekly thoughts are generated from its content).

A Word From Zig

“My friend Fred – actually he’s more than a friend. He’s a confidant, adviser, mentor, pleasant companion and encourager. He has guided me through some deep water; given me wise counsel, answered some of my puzzling life, scriptural, and business questions; provided me with a wealth of material for my books an seminars (so much so that it’s been years since I’ve written a book that did not include a few Smithisms.)

Leading With Integrity is an extension of Fred Smith’s love for mentoring others, but especially for those who aspire to spread the gospel of Christ. You will note his economy of words as he serves up helping after helping of common sense, wise and provoking pearls that inspire and convict you to be more so you can do more.

Fred writes to you as he has talked to me since he took me under his wing years ago. At our first meeting, I had to use scraps of paper to record his gems of wisdom. Since then I’ve always brought a notepad to record his “message” for the occasion. He always gives me usable, transferable ideas.

Smithisms have become part of my vocabulary. They are good – really good.”

Editor’s note: An extensive list of Fred Saids are available on both www.breakfastwithfred.com and www.bwfli.com

This week think carefully about: 1) Who is a key influencer in my life professionally, relationally, spiritually? 2) Looking back how have I expressed gratitude to mentors and friends? 3) What “words” do I need to write or speak to those who have encouraged me?

Words of Wisdom: “Who you spend time with greatly reflects and influences your life direction.” Fred Smith, Sr.

Wisdom from the Word: “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17 NET Bible)

Fred Saids

Weekly Thought – February 25, 2025

Fred called them “one liners.” When the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute began the decision was made to create an archive on the website. They became the foundation of the “Fred Saids” tab. This week we feature 22 leadership focused wisdom bites. Select a few that can stick with you as a gift from Fred.

Fred Saids

1) Good leadership is not domination; it serves through mutual benefit.
2) True leaders have a uniqueness that must be recognized and utilized.
3) A true leader loves excellence.
4) Leaders are not capricious. They balance emotional drive and sound thinking.
5) Ultimately, it is the force of character that inspires others to follow with confidence.
6) Authority, but not responsibility can be delegated.
7) A leader knows to whom he/she can delegate and to whom work can only be assigned.
8) Whoever is under a leader’s direction should also be under the leader’s protection.
9) Leaders need the humility of simplicity… simplicity developed beyond complexity.
10) A leader must see the project as a whole, not just its parts. Sometimes, the love of a specialty must be sacrificed to the overall accomplishment of the vision.
11) Every decision should be evaluated considering risk versus reward. Long term winners play with the odds with them, not against them.
12) Leaders can be innovators or maintainers – one originates while the other stands for the status quo.
13) Those who want no fences are usually predators.
14) Humor can open even the most closed mind.
15) We express our values by our choices.
16) Speak to express, not impress.
17) Strong leaders never institute a policy they cannot enforce – it weakens the confidence of others.
18) It is good indeed when the passionate are right.
19) Intelligent leaders profit from their mistakes by not repeating them.
20) No sluggard can succeed in leadership.
21) No one is qualified to lead until the art of obedience is learned.
22) Leadership consists of getting people to work with you, and not just for you.

This week think about: 1) Which of these strike a chord and can be applied this week? 2) How can I use these thoughts to develop others? 3) What questions would I ask Fred if we were having breakfast?

Words of Wisdom: This week just pick a favorite.

Wisdom from the Word: “This also comes from the Lord of hosts. He is wonderful in counsel and excellent in wisdom.” (Isaiah 28:29 ESV)

Status Quo

Brenda’s Blog – February 25, 2025

“When I am 80 I will start cleaning out my house.”

I was 70 when I made that remark thinking 10 years was light years away. Now I am standing eyeball to eyeball with 81 and the house is still warmly filled top to bottom with a lifetime of mementos – and no empty spaces.

I remember pontificating on aging (before I was aged) about the principles of “growing older but never old” to use one of my Dad’s well-known phrases. How clear it was in my 60s. One of my points was the necessity to learn the “pleasure of purging.” What a laugh. My advice: always remember our kids don’t want our stuff, but need our stories. Doesn’t that sound easy? Even fun?

Now I look around and calculate whether I could possibly live long enough to empty shelves. More to the point – what will I do with all the memories stored on those shelves when the occupants are gone? It isn’t just stuff, is it? The moments they represent become the puzzle pieces of a full life.

Cleaning up and out is part of this transitional season… a necessary part. It is too easy to rearrange, form higher stacks, or ignore. How did I begin this yet unfinished task?

1) Set a date to start – probably not 10 years out. Then start.
2) Create a strategy – identify items of legacy importance, box up the “gathering dust” articles and place in the do without pile, ask for wisdom to gift items as memory-makers to friends or institutions.
3) Pray for patience, insight, discernment, and perseverance – there are many stops and starts.
4) Prepare for the joy of passing on stories, and yes, even some stuff. The gift of giving isn’t just about money, but about life lessons, Christian faith, wisdom, and encouragement.
5) Surprise yourself (and your family) as you hold lightly to a lifetime of accumulation, knowing what you have isn’t who you are.

Standing Steadfast

Weekly Thought – February 18, 2025

Fred carefully studied leaders of all generations, reading biographies and engaging in conversations. He stayed current and “in the loop” as he frequently said. One of his favorite “Fred Saids” was: “Principles never change – just the illustrations.” These words were written in the late 1990s… timely and timeless example of his comment.

Standing Steadfast

I heard writer Chaim Potok say “a true leader is never absorbed in the stream in which he swims.” Scripture calls this being transformed rather than conformed.

Our society is facing many positions that require challenge and clarification. For example, relativism, situational ethics, personal responsibility versus rights, acquisition and distribution of wealth, equality, political expediency, peer pressure and self-love as expressed in image and significance.

Values and ethics have become a hot subject… almost to the point of becoming a cultural fad. Big philanthropic dollars are flowing to think tanks to study the topic; colleges are establishing departments to investigate their impact; and writers are prolifically cranking out page after page for best seller lists.

I once spoke to a conference built around the theme of “values based leadership.” Everything said was well and good, but I felt I needed to point out we need to ground our human values in divine virtues or we end up being controlled by our human desires, vacillating according to our human interests.

True authenticity requires the foundation of virtue (which is scriptural) not just values manufactured in convenience and social exigency. We need to build on God.

Just as Newton did not create gravity, but discovered it, so we cannot create true virtues. We can discover them and make them the bedrock of our value system. We must always be careful not to sacrifice on the altar of popular acceptance and current thought. Values without virtues are barren.

This week think about: 1) How often do I sacrifice Biblical virtues for cultural values? 2) What role am I to play in calling my sphere of influence to transformation, not conformation? 3) Who defines steadfast contemporary moral, Biblical stands?

Words of Wisdom: “Values without virtues are barren.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And to all these virtues add love, which is the perfect bond.” (Colossians 3:14 NET Bible)

Can You Hear Me Now?

Brenda’s Blog – February 11, 2025

A prominent cell service provider ran an advertising campaign with the tag line: “Can you hear me now?” The purpose was to address the problem of limited coverage and aggravating dropped calls. In the ads, one actor moves from place to place repeatedly voicing the familiar inquiry. It became part of the cultural linguistic vocabulary.

The art of effective questioning intrigues me. Sales training emphasizes the rules: ask open ended questions, never ask one with a simple yes or no answer, listen to the other person looking for conversational cues, and of course – be interested in the other person.

The confirmation hearings held by the US Senate this week brought that probing question to mind. However, the answer was quite different. There was very little (in fact, practically no) listening to evoke substantive answers. It was an exercise in noise and dominance. What a pity! This was an opportunity to probe experience and vision… to “take the measure of the man or woman.” However, hearing quickly became a misnomer for the event.

My Dad enjoyed a reputation for his expertise in asking questions which would lead to productive conversation. I always wanted to mine his expertise and perhaps develop this skill. “Talk to me about questions.” “Brenda, it is both an art and a science. Too many focus on the formulas and hone their science skills while ignoring the art.” “Dad, what is the key to asking a productive question?” “You simply ask a question the other person wants to answer.”

That really piqued my interest. I was sure the next words would change my life. “Well, you just do… that is the art.” Years have gone by since that brief exchange, but it stays with me. It becomes a mental exercise each time I am meeting new people or spending time with those I want to know better.

The goal of listening and hearing are critical for those who want to expand their expertise in asking questions which move relationships, open business opportunities, and further academic pursuits. Think: “ask a question they want to answer” and see what fun you can have. Listen and find out how much easier it is to be heard.

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