Late Bloomers

Brenda’s Blog – May 30, 2023

“I think it’s dead, so let’s cut it down.”

I walked around my yard eyeing the faithful ones which stood tall and strong sporting beautiful greenery. How proud I am of them! They are the ones I can count on. Then I look at a straggly one standing in the shadow of my favorites. No green leaves, not even tiny buds. Certainly this one has lost the race and needs to go.

The delay to clean up the yard taught me a lesson: don’t give up on late bloomers. I walked out on the deck, surprised at the sight of tiny leaves popping out on the “dead tree.” WOW! That made me think deeper than trees… it made me stop and ask. How often am I tempted to question abilities because the person doesn’t break out in leafy glory as quickly as others? And perhaps they will never attain the volume of the giant oaks, but their contribution adds to the fullness of my backyard.

Maturity isn’t reached by all simultaneously – there is a random, and often frustrating, pattern of development. We can miss out on the joy of seeing someone burst out in bloom if we write them off as dead way before they really are. Seeing their potential and nurturing them is slow, sometimes agonizing, work, but oh, what a payday when we see them find their sweet spot and shine.

God designs a plan for each of us. His timing is impeccable. Our assignment is to cultivate and nurture those around us so they flourish and flower. And it also reminds me to consider my own seasons. I may think I am too old to bloom, but then an idea sparks new activity… and leafiness! We have the privilege of seeing new paths and new opportunities – and off we go blossoming anew!

Goals and Accomplishment

Weekly Thought – May 30, 2032

Fred spoke directly to others – not as a power play, but as an exercise of his gift to stretch them. He told them the truth to be helpful. Questions from people about mission and vision were common until his death.

Goals and Accomplishment

One thing I always feel I must be working on when I am seeking accomplishment is simple: start right where I am. Everyday take a step, not waiting to be in a different place, with different circumstances.

Ken McFarland, was one of the greatest platform speakers of his time. Even when he was attending class in a Kansas one-room schoolhouse. He told me when his teacher asked him to stay afterwards one day and asked him, “Kenneth, how far do you want to go?” “As far as I can go,” was his answer. “Then the ladder starts right here” as she pointed to the floor. It was the greatest lesson he could learn: success starts right where you are. There is no need to move somewhere else to find the ladder. Start climbing right where you are. There may (and probably will) be taller ladders somewhere else along the way, but if you don’t take the first steps right where you are, chances are you will never accomplish your goals somewhere else.

A caveat on goal setting: we have to become mature in our judgment about our capabilities, strengths and weaknesses.

For example, I wanted to be an opera singer. My vocal coach told me he had never had a student who worked so hard, was focused so clearly, or loved music like I did. “Fred, there is only one thing missing: talent.” His comment sounds cruel, but it saved me much time and money which was much better used elsewhere.

There are times when inspirational material beyond reason can be hurtful. Telling people they can do absolutely anything they want to do is harmful. For years I was rightfully known as “Fat Fred.” You could tell me 24 hours a day I could be a jockey at Churchill Downs, but it was never going to happen.

When we set goals serious reality is necessary. Vision beyond any possibility of reality sets us up for disappointment. I knew a young woman who suffered for years regretting the fact that she didn’t “go for it” and become a major Broadway musical start. She agonized about the fact she didn’t take the risk. I had the opportunity to speak with her voice teacher. The fact was she didn’t have the voice. It wasn’t opportunity at all. It wasn’t lack of risk taking.

When we are envisioning we need to avoid indulging in the mystical to the point of fantasy. The common philosophy of just dreaming it makes it possible is implausible and a stumbling block. When the dream doesn’t come true it sets the person up for assuming they are a failure. That is when I always remind them: “Only your plans have failed; you haven’t.”

This week think about: 1) What helps me accomplish my goals? 2) How do I assess my talents? 3) When do I experience the greatest energy?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to be mature in our judgment about our capabilities, strengths, and weaknesses.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 NET Bible)

Healthy Humor

Weekly Thought – May 23, 2023

Fred studied humor like others focus on languages, professional skills, or athletic achievements. He always talked about writing a book on humor. He left some unpublished observations and this week we feature some excerpts of this “scatter shooting” on laughter.

Healthy Humor

One of my highly intellectual friends sent me the biography of Mark Twain. When I called to laugh about certain things in the story he told me an interesting story. He and one of his friends called each other every Sunday morning to read the funny papers together. They found it is so much more enjoyable to laugh together rather than to laugh by oneself. In fact, you rarely hear anybody who laughs loud by themselves, no matter how funny the material is. But if they will read you the same material, they will immediately start laughing – sometimes so uncontrollably they can not continue. Of course you start laughing because humor is communal.

Keeping your eyes and ears open for humor is a discipline well worth developing. I practice looking for funny occurrences. For example, when I was driving to Mustang Island to prepare the condo for the coming hurricane I noticed a large real estate development sign: “Condos for sale – exit now.” Ordinarily that would be simple information about the booming real estate market of south Texas. But in light of the coming hurricane I read the words with this interpretation: “Condos ahead, so is hurricane, so “GET YOURS NOW!”

Repeating funny experiences is a good way to develop your sense of humor. It gives you a utility for the things you see and laugh about. Oftentimes in social situations you can substitute something funny you heard or saw for the same old chit chat about weather, television, or sports.

I was walking downtown to the office and noticed a long limousine coming down the street. I overheard a man’s comment to his companion: “Man, when you ride in one of those you have either got rocks or rigor mortis.” I laughed to myself, but filed it away for an appropriate way to give others a smile.

Humor is part of a healthy rhythm of life. It relieves the monotony. It improves the taste, like salt on vegetables or the meat. It is important to know and remember humor is a great deal more than telling jokes. Actually, very few people can do that well. Humor resides in that area between perfection and imperfection, between where we are and where we would either like to be or like for people to think we are.

Dr. Raymond Moody said, “Laughter has been linked by longstanding tradition with longevity. One thing almost all very healthy elderly patients in common is their sense of humor.” Humor is the lubricant for life. When I first started professionally speaking in my 20s I landed on phrases that became “Fredisms.” One of my better known was “Laugh or get high blood pressure.” Over the years the material developed greater depth, but the truth of those early chestnuts still holds true.

This week consider: 1) How easily do I laugh? 2) What makes me laugh? 3) When do I best use humor in social situations?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor is communal.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A cheerful heart brings good healing, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 NET Bible)

Getting Ahead of Your Feet

Weekly Thought – May 16, 2023

Fred supported turning experiences into experiments. He used this philosophy to step outside the subjective response to difficulties. He constantly stopped to study what was happening in his life and to craft a set of observations. Reality was hard-wired into his personality.

Getting Ahead of Your Feet

Physical exercise is one of my favorite activities. You look at me and wonder how that can be, right? I didn’t say my own physical exercise. Mary Alice and I live close to the Cooper Aerobics Clinic. On Saturday mornings I stop by my local donut shop, load up, then drive to a convenient parking spot and watch men and women running around the track lap after lap. As I said, I am a fan of physical exercise – theirs!

However, I don’t waste the time because I take my notepad and observe styles of runners, habits of regulars, and even ego patterns. Most who circle the Cooper track are well-trained and consistent. However, every once in a while a new member decides to show out and run faster than their ability – their body gets ahead of their feet – and they fall down.

I see this happening emotionally, professionally, and financially to people who move themselves beyond the fast lane into the one marked “frantic.” They either recognize the problem and adjust, or they break down.

I remember I was driving my sports car along a stretch of highway where the cars were driving maximum speed (and so was I). All of a sudden I threw the lead balance from my front wheel and extreme shaking began. The terrific vibration required I slow down to keep the wheels from shaking the car apart.

Other drivers tried to pass me, dangerously attempting to go around me, and laying on the horn as they probably were making uncivil comments about my driving – and the inadequacy of my British car. I had to choose whether to respond and drive faster with the end result of a car permanently damaged by the vibrations, or to slow down to a manageable speed and irritate all those behind me.

Life gives us those opportunities for decision making. Do we leave the fast lane temporarily until we regain balance, or do we sacrifice to please others? The runners at the Cooper Clinic have the same decision to make? Do they pull over into the right lane, allowing others to pass them while they regain their balance or do they insist on running “with the big dogs,” risking injury and certainly producing frustration in all those behind?

One of the key factors in this decision process is: don’t panic. This is a primary rule for race car drivers. No matter what happens panic dulls reaction time, fogs the brain, and usually results in less opportunity for a positive outcome. Frantic and panic are enemies of effectiveness.

This week think about: 1) What is my built in emotional response to problems? 2) How am I disciplining myself to handle stress? 3) What can I learn from situations which would foster panic?

Words of Wisdom: “Don’t panic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage – I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33 NET Bible)

Hungering

Brenda’s Blog – May 16, 2023

“The pangs of hunger have made him take risks.”

Kevin Costner’s fine documentary on the Yellowstone National Park featured the plants and animals, as well as the majestic topography. One was the Bobcat. As the camera chronicled his activities the animal clearly exposed himself to danger and harm. Costner explained to the audience: “The pangs of hunger have made him take risks.”

In Plano, Texas bobcats are threatening the peaceful existence of this residential community. The first time you see them agilely walking along the tops of backyard fences, it startles. But then their hunt for food has taken them from formerly wilderness areas to well-populated homesites. They are hungry and they have been driven out of their natural habitat, so they impinge on neighborhoods. Cats and small dogs become targeted dinner items.

Think about hunger for a minute? What drives you to take risks? Where are your hungers? Some are very good. Proverbs tells us that man’s hunger drives us to work. Before free money kept so many home because “I can make more money not working and I like it so much better” most chose to earn a paycheck in order to buy groceries.

There is hunger for belonging which sometimes drives us to take unhealthy relational risks, or it becomes a strong driver to seek our friendships and Christian fellowship. Hunger can be good.

Last weekend I was with students from East Texas Baptist University. Many spoke of the hunger to make a difference – to do something meaningful with their lives. Hooray for that hunger. May they find satisfaction in their heart’s desire.

Sadly, as we age we often put away the desires which drive us to participate. We sit too much. But God doesn’t have a time stamp on us. As long as we are alive we have the privilege of hungering and thirsting after righteousness and living out the purpose for which we were created. We don’t have to walk across backyard fences or take wild risks, we just have to open ourselves to the joys of doing what we were created to do.

Nothing To Do

Weekly Thought – May 9, 2023

Fred had no patience with those who complained, “I’m bored!” whether voiced by a child or adult. He and Mary Alice handled their responses differently when hearing those words from the children: Fred encouraged study, thought, or writing while Mary Alice could immediately think of a household task which would cure any amount of boredom.

Nothing To Do

Boredom is the dry rot of our souls. It comes when we feel what we are doing isn’t worth the time, isn’t interesting, challenging, or entertaining. I find boredom can be the result of living too efficiently, and less effectively. That is, when our life becomes a series of habits and routines, drying up our creative juices.

Oftentimes children say to their parents, “I’m bored!” The best answer for that is one question: “What are you going to do about it?” We must learn early in life it is our responsibility to handle that emotion. It is not the job of others to keep our life interesting.

An extended state of boredom opens a door into pseudo-sophistication or melancholy. We refuse to lift ourselves by our emotional bootstraps our of the quagmire. Here are three actions I have suggested to those who come to me with the “I am bored” complaint.

1) Break off the repetitive pattern of life. In other words, make a change that will help us use our minds, and not just be habitual. Routines are helpful, but they can also lead to malaise.

2) Add something good to your life. Start a new activity, begin a new hobby, see the old things in new ways, and do something specifically helpful for others each day. I sat down with a young person with the “boring” words. I challenged him to make a list of all the activities he could name in five minutes that would bring positive change. With no hesitation, a list of nearly ten developed. Remember, the more bored you are, the less interesting you are as a person. As you start a personal development program, you will become interested and then interesting.

3) Take something bad out of your life. We all have things that need correcting. Eliminating a sedentary lifestyle, an unhealthy diet, or lazy mental activity – these are places to begin. Some of us may need to stop activities that are just busyness adding nothing to the quality of our lives. Surely you can find something to throw out. Mary Alice and I spent a New Year’s Eve in Naples, Italy. We were surprised as the new year arrived, people stood on balconies up and down the street throwing items out of windows and over balconies. Why? Traditionally they threw items away they didn’t want to carry into the new year. It seemed everyone had something to jettison.

As we war against boredom in our personal lives, we might think about what we need to throw out. And as we analyze our blah attitude we must accept the responsibility of poor self-management because boredom is a sure sign and symptom.

This week think carefully about: 1) How often do I feel bored? 2) What do I do to create energy and enthusiasm? 3) What score would I give myself on personal self-management?

Words of Wisdom: “Boredom is the dry rot of our souls.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I am weary of my life; I will complain freely without restraint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.” ( Job 10:1 NET Bible)

Childlike or Childish

Weekly Thought – May 2, 2023

Fred had little patience with those who wanted each event of each day to be miraculous, supernatural, and almost spooky. His theological position on free will differed with some of his family and friends who held to a stricter view, but he always treated them with grace.

Childlike or Childish

Mary Alice and I have two daughters, and a son. They will always be our children, but they have grown into fine adults. When they were born we expected them to develop into mature adults. I have known Christians who maintain a childish relationship to God, wanting a Father who allows them to remain as children. They refuse to use their God-given minds, but constantly lean on emotions, looking for supernatural occurrences every day. To me, they are missing the joy of maturity.

Personally, I believe God works the day shift, as well as the night shift. How often do you hear stories of looking for God’s will and miraculously receiving a wake-up call at 3AM which brings the answer? God wants us to develop a grown-up relationship with Him. I believe in prayer, but I also believe God created us to be decisions makers. My process: use my best judgment, do my homework (including scripture for principles and talking it over with wise counselors), and asking Him to imbue my attitude with His spirit which gives ultimate glory to Him, and laying the plan before Him. As I do this I genuinely ask if there is any part of it that is outside His will and ask Him to make me aware of the soft spots. I want also to be clear that this decision is something I want to glorify Him, not just for myself. Finally, I ask if there is anything in this decision that would be detrimental.

I don’t look for super-spiritual signs for each decision of my life. However, I have a good friend who prays for EVERYTHING… this includes the tie which he should wear in the morning. I kidded him one day about this because he only wears Countess Mara ties. He never prays about whether he should buy cheaper ties, just the color of his expensive ones. To me, this isn’t maturity. I think God desires us to grow in body, mind, and spirit.
Whenever I sense I am being immature in my focus, or my discipline, I simply feel the Spirit check me in that area. I may have to go back to the drawing board and do a lot more hard work. I don’t expect some mystical feeling about the process. I believe maturity in the faith is pleasing to God.

This week consider: 1) What is my decision making process? 2) How tempted am I to want God to “write the script and just give me my lines?” 3) When do I take the opportunity to discuss Christian maturity with younger believers?

Words of Wisdom: “Personally, I believe God works the day shift, as well as the night shift.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore we must progress beyond the elementary instructions about Christ and move on to maturity, not laying this foundation again: “ (Hebrews 6:19(a) NET Bible)

Where is the Danger?

Brenda’s Blog – May 2, 2023

“Such a shame to see the loss. The bars couldn’t save them.”

In East Texas along highway 80 is a house noticeably marked by destruction. That is not particularly uncommon, but the exterior tells an unusual story.

Every window and the front door are completely covered with wrought iron bars. The immediate impression is a desire for safety. The house’s exterior presents itself as a fortified building, impervious to attack.

But you notice the burned out interior. The danger and damage didn’t come from the outside, but from a fire which began on the inside. The great loss didn’t occur because thieves broke through the iron, but because flames engulfed the inside.

As I looked at the remains the thought slammed into my brain (and heart). We can do everything to protect our children, grandchildren, and ourselves from the “threats of the world,” but often the deterioration begins from the inside. We too often point to others as the source of the family’s breakdown without acknowledging our own values we have adopted and brought home. The child who feels lonely because his parents are connected to their devices wrote a school paper saying he wished he could be a smart phone because then his parents would hold him, pay attention to him, and think he was important. How much damage do we do when our values are skewed?

And what about the attitude which rails against the wickedness of the world without giving our children a sense of God’s goodness, richness, and purpose for their lives? Failing to teach and live trust in a sovereign God lights little flames which grow into bonfires of disregard for things of the Lord. When a true God isn’t taught and worshipped no amount of “religious talk” will suffice.

The threat may be “out there,” but the protection we seek starts at home. Don’t put bars on the windows thinking you can shut the world out ; the interior must be fully armed by a living, vital faith in God as seen in Jesus Christ.