Madison Ave. meets Fifth Ave.

Brenda’s Blog – January 26, 2021

“That deserves a T shirt.”

The man responded to a witty comment made by his lunch partner.

Good one, I thought.

In graduate school I had a professor who refused to wear clothing or drive a vehicle adorned with logos or signage. “I am not paid to be a walking advertisement.”

How things have changed since the 1970s!

Tee shirts are now highly prized space to flaunt social, religious, or commercial allegiances. Coming babies are announced with bold arrows on protruding abdomens; political affiliations leave no question as slogans spread across chests and backs.

What in your life deserves a tee? What wordless message do we transmit?

For whom are we serving as a sandwich board? Is it a good trade-off? Just a thought.

A Leash For Anger

Weekly Thought – January 19, 2021

Fred valued self-control and discipline in others. He also demonstrated what these qualities looked like for he committed much thought, prayer, and effort to growing into a man of character. He spoke of his younger years when anger often flared and his determination to “leash” it. True to his nature, he spent hours analyzing the subject and processing. This week’s thought is a peek into his thinking about anger.

Thank you for praying for our Christian colleges and universities. Please join us each month as we dedicate a few minutes outlining prayer requests. Sign up for the Breakfast With Fred Prayer Network. Standing with and behind these institutions is critical in this cancel culture which moves aggressively against them. Thank you.

A Leash For Anger

I think of “leashing” our anger, because I don’t believe it is possible to live without anger. It is a cat with way more than nine lives. It can only be controlled. It is part of our human nature. We are angered both by others and even by ourself.

One of the dangers of anger is the misconception that two wrongs make a right when we are under its influence. We get lost in the wrong thinking about revenge, thinking getting even is possible, and maybe preferable. Have you ever tried to recognize when you drop into a “mad?” Here is one clue: when we start immediately thinking of something bad to do – then enjoying the thought of the other’s suffering we are in trouble. The idea of righteous satisfaction in retribution signifies unleashed anger.

There are two emotions we call anger: 1) mad and 2) righteous indignation( a phrase given to us by theologians). There is a significant difference. When we are angered by what angers God we are righteously indignant. There are two clearly different spirits in these emotions. Once we take our stand in righteous indignation we are to hold that position. We are to stand for the right, win or lose. The real discipline is to hold to the righteous and not slip into self-righteous.

Mad anger comes from loss of personal power – not being able to force our will on the situation. The desire to get even with those who hurt us is present, especially when we feel stopped in our ability to get even. Mad anger retaliates “I’m not going to take it!” When someone insults us, talks down, or does something spiteful we get mad and seek revenge. But scripture is crystal clear: “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. I will repay.” We have trouble waiting for Him. This is when I need a check. The more I want to take matters into my own hands, the more I know I am vengeful and not waiting for God.

We are told “don’t let the sun go down on our wrath (or mad anger). It is an acid which burns in the night. We are to purge it before we sleep and not let it settle into the value structure of our subconscious, When we do this we can start each day with refreshed souls. The rancor of yesterday has not festered overnight.

To keep this from happening means we take the offensive in settling the conflict. Though we are mad, we should never be so mad we cut off communication with another person. He/she is still a person for whom Christ died, as am I. I am to be willing to forgive, forget, and hope that he is, too. I will even make the first approach, if necessary. With our anger leashed, we can control it. Self-control gives us freedom, maturity, and joy.

This week consider carefully: 1) How strong is my leash on anger? 2) What causes me to get mad? 3) When do I successfully recognize the difference between mad and righteous indignation?

Words of Wisdom: “We are to stand for the right, win or lose. The real discipline is to hold to the righteous and not slip into self-righteous.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26 NET Bible)

Aging Well

Brenda’s Blog – January 12, 2021

“Fred, I am turning 80 and I want you to tell me what I need to be thinking about.”

Dad was completing his 80s as his friend Ed Yates asked that question. Their friendship of at least 50 years consisted of common interests, relationships, faith, and eagerness to learn. Neither stopped searching until their last breath – literally. Ed and Gloria were the last non-family members to visit with Dad before he began his transition to heaven. As 2020 was closing Ed completed his assignment and went home to Jesus.

His question serves as a prod for me, as well. What did Dad say?

1) Make longer plans. If you start operating short-term you are giving yourself permission to die. He and Mom bought carpeting in their 80s with a 25 year warranty. Don’t shortcut your goals.
2) Be clear about your uniqueness and be a taskmaster managing the use of your gifts. Don’t allow other people to spend your time or energy because both are diminishing resources.
3) Invest your time, don’t spend it. Choose carefully so that you receive dividends, not pile up debts.
4) Leaving a legacy, not an estate is a better aim.
5) Work to create a relationship with kids where they love you, but don’t need you. Don’t establish a golden chain that ties them to you through financial support that they can’t sustain independently.
6) Be grateful. When the time comes be “delightfully dependent,” not a miserable old man.
7) Don’t make a junkyard of your old age by making foolish decisions. Guard your heart and mind.
8) Mature spiritually. Getting old doesn’t automatically make you spiritual. In fact, illness and incapacity can war against spiritual peace. Deliberately grow in grace and being “useful to the Master.”

There were more, but these bear an indelible mark.

I think of those coming behind me who are stepping into the next decade. Wouldn’t it be good for us who are farther along to construct answers in case they ask: what do I need for my 50s, 60s 70s?

Window into Character

Weekly Thought – January 12, 2021

Fred understood everyone had a mixture of clay and iron. Someone asked him how he could develop a strong friendship with a man others found difficult. “I am attracted to the magnetic draw of the iron; you are pushed away by the clay.” He knew how to measure character and highly valued integrity.

Thank you for your faithful support during 2020. Please pray for BWFLI as we approach our Christian colleges and universities, making plans for the new virtual format.

Window into Character

It would be helpful if we could have a load-limit sign on our character like those on bridges. One of my preacher friends was coming under the influence of an extremely wealthy parishioner. As my friend was plied with benefits of the relationship, the person began asking questionable favors. My friend broke off the relationship saying, “I am afraid I have a price, and you’re getting too close to it.”

Character is a set of values we have chosen to live by, and hopefully ones that will work under pressure. It reminds me of the professional golfers who speak of wanting a golf swing “that will work on Sunday,” meaning one that works under pressure.

As a leader, a friend, or a mentor, I try to validate the areas of strength or weakness in the character of those with whom I share responsibility. I have sometimes been criticized by my associates for going to what they feel are extreme lengths to ascertain this measure. I do it for a definite reason – I don’t want to be surprised. I want to know the person so I can build on his strengths and buttress his weaknesses. Since character is the foundation of relationships and accomplishments, I don’t apologize for evaluating. I prefer to do the testing when failure is not fatal.

Marines build character that will stand up under fire. They don’t want failure when it counts most. “To “give others the benefit of the doubt” sounds good, but this is not good stewardship in leadership. Napoleon said that the most dangerous general was one who fought based on fantasy. This is true of all leaders. Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.

How do I evaluate? I start with the known past. Few people change character as adults. I not only quiz the person, but also everyone who might be knowledgeable. If I am interviewing for a key role, I always interview the spouse, as well. Our close friends and family know more about our character than they might even know about our skills and talents. They don’t read our resumes they read our lives.

Stories reveal the heart. People become involved in stories. Humor draws out spontaneous reactions, which are a window into character. In the past I have been the keynote speaker for sales conferences meeting in Las Vegas. I notice that the comedians who headline always test the edge of social acceptance, especially relating to ridiculing religion and God. Listen to the audience’s reaction and you quickly get an evaluation of the crowd’s character.

Knowing the load limit on your character gives you the freedom to say no. A strongly developed character is a definite asset to experience and well-honed skills. There may be a gap in knowledge, but most failures occur because of cracks in the foundational character. As we evaluate others, it is imperative to check ourselves. Being blindsided can cause great loss, professionally and personally.

This week carefully consider: 1) What are my strengths? Weaknesses? 2) How careful am I to evaluate potential associates? 3) Where are my blind spots in assessing others?

Words of Wisdom “Fantasy and false character evaluations lead to tragic conclusions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Equity and justice are the foundation of your throne. Loyal love and faithfulness characterize your rule.” (Psalm 89:14 NET Bible)

Coming Back To Fundamentals

Weekly Thought – January 5, 2021

Fred believed in fundamentals. He “took a dim view (in his words) of those who veered away from principles and covered up with fancy philosophies.” His great friend Ed Yates stepped from earth into heaven days ago. Theirs was a friendship based on common faith, trust, and love of truth. In Fred’s last four years of life he was bed bound. One of his joys was spending time with Ed. One of Ed’s joys was trying out new recipes and presenting them to Fred. On one occasion he proudly delivered a grapefruit pie. Skeptically, Fred received it, but not before Ed could say, “Fred, look at it this way… put enough whipped cream on anything and it will taste good.” Neither of those men lived covering up with heaping whipped toppings… they were the real deal.

(Editorial note: this content is excerpted from Sunday School lessons given to the Elliott class of Highland Park Presbyterian Church in the mid 1980s. The application is timeless).

2021 will begin a new curriculum development for BWFLI, focused on Fred’s unpublished manuscript covering his thoughts on perseverance. This will be offered to our schools on a Zoom format, featuring BWFLI team members facilitating discussion with students. Please pray for the clear direction of this project.

Coming Back To Fundamentals

These are troubled times. Troubles bring us back to fundamentals. Coaches suffering losses take the teams right back to the beginning. For example, Vince Lombardi is famous for gathering his team and beginning with “Gentlemen, THIS is a football.”

Perseverance is one of the essential fundamentals. When everything is smooth we don’t analyze our good fortunes, but when things turn down, we desire to know why. Trouble opens our minds.

Thinking about the basics is like a pit stop where we go for fuel and new tires. Some of us have been on a fast, hard, troubled track. We are low on fuel and running thin on rubber. It is time to stop for the tank to be filled and the tires to be replaced. Then we can be off again, We don’t quit the checkered flag is still in view, but we can’t make it without fundamental resources.

J.C. Penney believed “self-denial is the basic requirement for accomplishment in any field of endeavor. Success comes only to those who will follow the hard road, rather than the path of ease and pleasure, and who are willing to sacrifice everything except honor to the god of achievement.” A basic is that overnight success only happens in the movies.

The poet/composer Rod McKuen says “Talent is never enough in any field. It must be coupled with perseverance and recognition.”

Calvin Coolidge said something good about perseverance: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence; talent will not, for nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not, for unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not, for the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

It is one of the verities that “effort varies more than talent.” People who lose their tenacity generally lose their position in life. However, the road is open to those who persevere. As we are told in Job 14:19 “the waters wear away the stone.” As a boy, Isadore of Seville found his lessons too hard to learn. He ran away from school where he was doing poorly and sat down to rest beside a little spring that trickled over a rock. He was amazed to see how those little drops had worn away a large stone. He decided, then and there, that he had given up on his studies too soon. Diligent application overcame his dullness and he became one of the finest scholars of his day. His biographer said, “Those drops of water gave to Spain a brilliant historian.

Persistence is essential to success and we don’t know how much we have until we are called on to test our strength. Perseverance forms the bedrock of the basics needed for maturity.

This week think about: 1) How can I construct a system to test my fundamentals? 2) During this time what challenges my perseverance most greatly? 3) Who can benefit from these thoughts?

Words of Wisdom: “Trouble opens our minds.”

Wisdom from the Word: “As a result we ourselves boast about you in the churches of God for your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and afflictions you are enduring.” (2 Thessalonians 1:4 NET Bible)

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