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  • 2021 (Page 7)

The Permanent Parent

Weekly Thought – March 9, 2021

Fred often commented on his progress in parenting. “It wasn’t a natural process for me, but I worked on it. My children occasionally thank me for the lessons I have learned. One commented that I have done a fair job of “reparenting.” His children would no doubt express gratitude for the way he and Mary Alice made sure they knew the Heavenly Father.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly father is permanent – there is no short term contract. He chooses to be bonded to us. What a wonderful feeling to know that God the father seals the relationship once and for all. We don’t have to keep winning His acceptance. It is not a contingent or conditional relationship. Sadly, many fathers cannot grasp the unconditional nature of His parenthood and then cannot reflect that to his own children.

After an anniversary trip, Mary Alice and I stopped in Austin to have lunch with Browning Ware who told us about a woman he had known for over twenty years. She struggled with the fact she could never please her father, even though he has been dead for years. She once told him of striving for academic excellence to please him. When she brought home a report card with all “A’s” she expected high praise. Instead he took it, looked at it, and said, “Don’t they give A+ grades down at that school?” She was crushed. Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.

This assurance of permanence is expressed no better than by the Apostle Paul “Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creatures, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When our daughter Brenda went to college she inserted “nor Denison University” into the list recognizing that event the university environment wouldn’t be strong enough to shake the permanent nature of God’s hold.

Intimacy is the outgrowth of spiritual maturity. The depth and closeness of the relationship comes about naturally as we grow together, whether with God our father or our human connections. Confidence is a good platform for permanence. When we are secure in the enduring quality we have the freedom to open up. God’s everlasting love for us teaches us the way to open the way to intimacy with our own children. Knowing His love for us creates a model for human parenting.

This week think about: 1) Who first taught me about God’s love? 2) Who first taught me about God’s love? 3) How can I pass these lessons on to my family?

Words of Wisdom: “Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Son of the Father, in truth and love.” (2 John 1:3 NET Bible)

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Help me, Help me

Brenda’s Blog – March 9, 2021

“If you are out of Reese’s, would that be chocolate insecure?”

An official statement declared that those who are without adequate food because of the severe snow storm and cold weather are to be known as “food insecure.” Just when I think government speak has reached the limit of pomposity someone announces out of essentials to be insecurity.

On this ninth day of snow quarantine I am thankful for adequate resources and ample food. However, my Reese’s minis went early putting me into the chocolate insecure category, longing for a handful of those delightful bites.

Our community excels in helping others. Early on three couples joined to form a purchase and delivery cohort. They knew with their 4×4 vehicles they could navigate the snow and ice, getting to the grocery and delivering needed items. Their intent was to pick up prescriptions, baby food, and basic foods. In addition they delivered meals prepared by local restaurants and offered at no cost.

It only took a short time for the requests to include beer, chips, and of course, chocolate. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one found insecure.

One resident posted of her daughter’s birthday and her inability to provide a cake. You could read her tearfulness in her pleading message. A neighborhood quickly responded offering to bake a cake if someone could pick it up and deliver it. By that afternoon a beautifully decorated chocolate cake was on the way on icy roads to enable a family to celebrate a birthday.

There is definitely no Kindness Insecurity – I live among people who see needs and eagerly respond.

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Finding Loyal Love

Weekly Thought – March 2, 2021

Fred and Mary Alice married in 1937. For their honeymoon they rode a trolley downtown Nashville, split a Crystal hamburger, then went back to the one room they rented in a woman’s house. They pledged fidelity “until death do us part.” In June, 2004 they celebrated their 67th anniversary five months before her death. They raised three children, building into them the importance of love and commitment.
We are asking our subscribers to help us grow in the month of March. Would you share the Weekly Thoughts with others to expand the reach and deepen the impact of Fred’s words? Thank you.

Finding Loyal Love

As I was leaving Greensboro, N.C. after being there to consult with Jefferson Standard Life Insurance Company, I called Bill Westfall because I heard his wife of 60 years had recently passed away. As soon as I got him on the phone I realized he wanted to talk about her. During her final illness he kept her at home against everyone’s advice, but he wanted her near him to the end. “Bill, you loved her, didn’t you?” “I did, Fred, and I feel good for I waited on her to the end. Then one night she went to slee and didn’t wake up.” In their love they found loyalty.

Eating in a Grand Saline, TX country café a fortyish couple sat next to me. They were farm people who were out for a Saturday lunch. He got up, paid the bill, and then came back. Standing by her he paused for a minute, then reached down and lifted her up from the chair. As she put her arms around his neck he backed out of the café door, moving to his pickup truck parked outside. He gingerly put her into the front seat. I then realized she had a full body cast making her totally unable to stand. Everyone in the restaurant looked, but didn’t say a word. As they drove off the waitress said to me, “He took his vows seriously, didn’t he?”

Loyalty, not passion, is the greatest evidence of love. We see this in families who stress the importance of faithfulness to each other. This is reflected in not just the marital relationship, but down through the children and grandchildren.

Friendships often show loyal love. I often ask others, “How many long-term friends do you have?” I ask that question of myself, as well. Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty. It pulls us through the valleys. Loyalty is more than agreement; it is the willingness to observe, wait, and instruct.

While watching Johnny Cash sing one night I listened carefully to his signature song which contains the line: “Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” It crossed my mine that perhaps it should be “Because I’m yours, I walk the line.” Maybe it doesn’t rhyme, but doesn’t it express a greater truth?
We don’t think enough of what we owe to those people who love us. It is a big responsibility to be loved. Loyalty is far more than not crossing a line. It is staying by, and contributing to our mutual responsibility to honor one another.

Loyalty is proof of love. In this fast-paced world of instant gratification and self-centered love it is good to stop and think about William Barkley’s prayer that the Lord would give us “in our love, loyalty.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How loyal am I to those who love me? 2) What evidences do I have of loyalty in relationships? 3) Who exemplifies a truly loyal friend?

Words of Wisdom: “Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty.”

Wisdom from the Word “You prove to be loyal to one who is faithful; you prove to be trustworthy to one who is innocent.” (Psalm 18:25 NET Bible)

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Alphabet Lifestyle

Brenda’s Blog – February 23, 2021

“Now I know my ABCs, don’t you sing along with me?”

The last line of the children’s song also defines much of how we live today. We shorten “by the way” to BTW, “laugh out loud” to LOL, and otherwise crude profanities to benign letters.

A response to reduced character space on text or twitter has become a natural element in our communication style. We shortcut, we edit, and we abbreviate. There is an acronym for every major commercial, and relational exchange.

My brain is wired to unwrap these often arcane letter combinations. Way before the practice became part of the social fabric I loved to guess what letters represented. A strange mental exercise, I know.

With the invention of the telegraph, communication changed drastically. Paying per word forced people to say more with less. The florid Victorian style of writing quickly died away replaced by punchy, well-devised phrases. Newspaper headlines told stories in short bursts with emotional impact. When the American public embraced modern Madison Avenue techniques “twenty-five words or less” became the standard for prize-winning entries.

This is perhaps efficient, but I wonder about the effectiveness. Could we be losing opportunities to fully express our love for one another with just an X and O? Is it possible our connection with others is short-circuited because we have no three letter solutions to problems?

The hymnist wrote: “O, for a thousand tongues to tell of my great redeemer’s love.” Lehman’s words thrill me even after more than 7 decades of singing them: “Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made, Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole Though stretched from sky to sky.”

Certainly there is a time for PTL, but what about time to extol the love of God with as many words and as much emotional depth we can deliver?

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Overcoming Cynicism

Weekly Thought – February 23, 2021

Fred saw himself as someone who did “crooked thinking on the straight and narrow.” He saw truth, and worked to avoid cynicism. He once turned down a book offer because they wanted him to write a “tell all” about Christian leaders. He flatly refused.

Overcoming Cynicism

Cynicism has no integrity. Cynicism often properly evaluates the present, but has no hope for the future. As Christians we are not without hope. Christians believe in the possibilities of the future. Our responsibility is to make a difference, not to drop out.

Recently a bright, young executive asked me to lunch. He opened the conversation by saying, “I serve on several Christian boards and have been invited to join two national ministry boards. But as a businessman I have become cynical at what I see. You have been in it all your life. How have you avoided cynicism?” I freely admitted I have a certain level of skepticism but I hope it is kept to a healthy level. I doubt you can be in and around Christian service as long as I have without it. I have found any human activity whether in religious work, or not, contains the frailties of humankind. To me, healthy humor eases the tension between where we are and where we ought to be. We certainly see the clay feet and too often hear the sanctimonious way of skirting the issues. There are times when the way sin is garbed in ecclesiastical raiment is so ridiculous you just have to laugh about it.

At the risk of being thought irreverent about unexpected humor in a very serious situation. Of course, with my slightly askew way of looking at things, I tend to reframe with humor. This time I did – at my father’s funeral. It was held in a large church, with many local preachers in attendance to honor my father who had served as a pastor for decades. Officiating was the new minister recently named as the senior pastor and the former, older pastor just retired. They were both showmen and the situation was just too overpowering for them to avoid the temptation to outshine the other. Shortly into the service I wrote my brother a note, “Watch these two try to outdo each other.” One, known for his mastery of scripture, reeled off passage after passage. The other was a great orator, and following the younger man, he preached in high style causing the angels to fly off the ramparts of heaven. I wasn’t offended because I knew my father would have delighted in the show. His boisterous Irish laugh would have been heard throughout the church. Both were Godly, sincere men who got caught up in a situation that became a contest.

To become cynical would be to deny the reality of the occasion and the message even though it got momentarily diverted. As Christians we have the responsibility to know the real from the counterfeit – the authentic from the bogus. Maturity allows us to assess without becoming unhealthily cynical. We never want to be remembered as the cynic who was defined as one who would ride through a sewer in a glass bottom boat. We are called to be realistic, keeping our minds centered on the truth of higher things.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I to avoid a cynical attitude? 2) What disciplines can I put in place this week to nurture a realistic perspective? 3) When does humor help me deal with human nature?

Words of Wisdom “Maturity allows us to assess without becoming unhealthily cynical.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18 NET Bible)

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Overcoming Boredom

Weekly Thought – February 16, 2021

Fred used his time well. In his last years his mobility was greatly limited. Rather than complain he used the season as a laboratory to keep his mind sharp. When he woke up in the middle of the night (as often he did) instead of fretting about his incapacity and inability to get out of bed, he played mind games like remembering all the verses of hymns or recalling punch lines to old jokes. One night he listed the punch line for 200 jokes.

Overcoming Boredom

Boredom is the dry rot of the soul. It comes when we feel that what we’re doing isn’t worth the time nor is it interesting, worthwhile, or challenging. Boredom can be the result of living too efficiently and less effectively. When life becomes a series of habits and routines, then our creative juices are not adequately stirred.

Oftentimes we hear children (and grandchildren) say, “I’m bored.” The best answer for that is a question: “What are you going to do about it?” We need to learn very early when we are bored it is our responsibility, not others’ to get us out of it. If we stay bored too long we escape into pseudo-sophistication or we become melancholy, refusing to lift ourselves by our emotional bootstraps. The quagmire isn’t the job of others– it is ours.

1) Break up the repetition of life. Sometimes the simplest changes will help because they force us to use our minds and not just mindless routines. When I was doing platform speaking constantly, I would find a talk became boring to me, but I would rearrange the points just to increase my interest and concentration. Routine we need for efficiency, but life is not just a time management exercise.

2) Add something to your life. Start a new activity, begin a new hobby, see the old things in a new way, start new friendships and new activities, do something specific for others each day – these spark us and generate energy. Here are some others I can recommend: enroll in a course, sign up for a film series, symphony season, summer theater, athletic event, or Bible study, but do something which stretches and enhances. Do something good! Remembering the more bored you are, the less interested you will be when you start, remember you will become more interested as you involve yourself. And the more interested you are, the more interesting you will become.

3) Take something bad out of your life. We all have things that need correcting. The sedentary life is a good place to start making a change. One of the most interesting men I know has decided to stop reading the daily newspaper because so much of it is repetitious and has absolutely no earthly value. Some of us may need to stop an activity which is nothing more than just activity. Surely you can find something to throw out. Mary Alice and I spent one New Year’s Eve in Naples, Italy. We are intrigued with their custom of throwing things out the window they didn’t want to carry into the new year. The street is so littered that cars cannot travel for several hours. It appeared everyone had something to toss out. It is a good way to begin the war on boredom.

Boredom is a sure sign of poor self-management.

This week think about: 1) How often do I feel bored? 2) What are my remedies when I feel stale? 3) Who needs the challenge of taking personal responsibility for emotional maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “The more interested you are, the more interesting you become.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the undisciplined, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient toward all.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14 NET Bible)

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Morality versus Legality

Weekly Thought – February 9, 2021

Fred admired immaculate thinking. Muddying the mental waters with broad brushes didn’t hold much appeal for him. He felt that communication required precision. One of the examples is the critical recognition of the distinction between moral and ethical.

Morality versus Legality

Mary Alice and I were once discussing an issue involving a complicated set of laws. One of the children looked up and said, “Why do we have to have so many laws?” This is a question from a child, but not a childish question. The answer is rooted in our heart and drops its leaves mischievously over our entire landscape.

Individually, we are constantly looking for a shorter, simplified code of laws, but our use of law does not promote this. Wherever people choose legality over morality, the body of laws must be large and the interpretations complicated – growing like a cancer maiming natural freedom.

Among individuals of character, the legal simply defines the minimum morality needed for the society to function as a benefit to the individual and the group. As long as no one wants an unfair advantage, but rather desires everyone to have all that he deserves, then laws can be simple.

Men of good will can have honest differences of opinion, and these can be covered in short order. Men of ill will use the law not for rightness but for wrongness… this necessitates voluminous documentation.

W.C. Fields said, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” The honest man is not controlled by greed, so is less vulnerable to the con man’s schemes.

Golf gives me an excellent illustration of the reason for law. Few games have such volumes of laws with such extensive interpretation. I have played golf with theologians who cheated – intellectuals who remained ignorant of the rules on purpose – otherwise honest men who opportunistically made exceptions to the law for their own benefit – and legalistic friends who ask for interpretations hoping for advantage.

We could simplify a great many of the golf rules imply by stating “A player shall not create an advantage for himself other than by his skill.” This would do away with picking the ball up, cleaning it, moving it, kicking it, soiling the club, stepping behind the ball – and all such things which are really manufactured improvements for the advantage Yet human nature would cry out that some circumstance had created an unfairness which they were simply going to even up. Their idea of evenness is a “fair advantage.”

The problem with creating such a large body of laws is that it also creates a legal bureaucracy to administer them. Legislatures create laws; review committees; and judges make interpretation. Add to this the administrative and policing entities and we get some small idea of the cost of letting legality define our morality.

Legal bureaucracy takes on a life of its own, promoting its own welfare by establishing the power to make laws not only prohibitive, but permissive. This is where we cross the stream at the widest point. When laws prohibit bad actions, they are serving their true function, but when they have to be consulted to permit good actions then freedom is being tightly circumscribed and caught in the net.

Wherever there is morality there can be a reverence for the spirit of the law permitting the simplification of the law.

This week consider this: 1) How easy is it to stay within the “letter of the law” while violating the “spirit of the law?” 2) What is the cost of prioritizing morality? 3) Who encourages me to take the high road in my decisions and actions?

Words of Wisdom: “Wherever people choose legality over morality, the body of laws must be large and the interpretations complicated – growing like a cancer maiming natural freedom.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the law made nothing perfect. On the other hand a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God.” (Hebrews 7:19 NET Bible)

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Committed to Consistency

Brenda’s Blog – February 9, 2021

“Do the twenty, son, you will not be sorry.”

My twenty year old grandson joined the USMC after graduation from high school. From a very early age being a Marine was a dream. He planned and lived a life consistent with eligibility for service. I once asked him why he stayed away from the bad habits of many his age. His answer is permanently imprinted on my heart: “Those things might have been fun for a short time, but when I looked long term, I saw if I got involved in those things I would be disqualified from my goals, so I said no.”

Character counts!

During his Christmas Leave we had lunch together. While we ate, a woman walked up to the table and asked, “Are you in the Navy?” “The Marines,” he answered. “Congratulations! My husband and I retired from the Army. We chose to do our twenty and it was the best decision we could have made. So, do your twenty!”

It made me think about commitment. We live in a disposable culture. Expensive appliances are expected to wear out after 7-8 years; athletic shoes are rated for 12 months; computers are ancient if not replaced every 18 months. Sadly, relationships and jobs are often short to mid-term.

As the woman said there are definite benefits from extended time frames. Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. There are 8760 hours in a year. Clearly, expertise requires time. As a new corporate officer, I sat in serious meetings with difficult outcomes. The senior officer handled complex issues with poise and insight. After several months I knocked on his office door and asked, “How do you know to handle situations so well? I want to be able to think through problems like you do and resolve them with clarity.” “Brenda, it is a matter of time. The details may be different, but after years of management experience I have seen every variation of the same problems, so I have learned how to resolve them.”

Time counts!

We lived in Southwestern Colorado and immediately involved ourselves in community activities. One day I asked a woman from a multi-generational ranching family, “Margaret, how long will we need to live here before we will be seen as locals?” Without batting an eye she replied, “At least 25-30 years.” No wonder we felt like outsiders after 12 months!
My grandson may not “do the twenty,” but I do believe he has the character to take the long view as he makes decisions. And even at my age I see the benefit of putting down roots in my community.

Time counts; character counts; and commitment counts.

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Problem? Make a Plan

Weekly Thought – February 2, 2021

Fred helped many with their problem solving processes when he distinguished between a problem and a fact of life… the first has a solution; the other is a given. To invert them creates frustration and an unhealthy obsession. This week the excerpt is from content focusing on facing problems.

Thank you for praying for the ongoing progress of BWFLI (Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute). As we change delivery options, we stay true to the mission of “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders – to the glory of God.”

Problem? Make a Plan

Are you having relational or financial problems? How about health or emotional problems? Any major problem can be approached in an objective, logical way. Organizing the facts, and building an action plan keeps you from taking a passive posture.

Here are three legs of a planning stool:

1) Accept the seriousness of the problem. A friend has pancreatic cancer; it is serious. It is not psychosomatic handled with denial or even words of affirmation. Many current cults attempt to erase the reality of disease. But as one of my friends says, “You can’t cure diarrhea by denying it.” That may be a bit earthy, but memorable. Right? The first step in planning is to accept the reality.
2) Externalize the problem. I’m indebted to my friend Dr. Kevin Gill for a significant understanding of illness. When I was covered with the external effects of penicillin poisoning I said to him, “Kevin, my body is sick, but I’m not.” He smiled and said, “You are the kind who gets well.” Then he told me executives are the easiest patients to cure because they have a practice of externalizing problems, organizing them, and working on them objectively. He said the most difficult are those who internalize them thinking the problem is caused by guilt, punishment, or unfairness. I was speaking in Fresno, CA at a men’s meeting. I used Kevin’s quote and afterward a young badly came up to me. His physical disabilities were very apparent. He thanked me profusely, saying, “For the first time I have some words for how I feel. My body is disabled; I am not.” Ben Hayden pastored the First Presbyterian Church in Chattanooga. He told me that one of his members went through a cure for leukemia, sparking a nationally recognized book about his cure. He sent me the book and with it three pounds of letters his member had written. The great progress began when he became a “student of my disease.” This meant that simply as a third party he was going to examine the disease, being objective about it. Externalize, don’t internalize.
3) Use the problem as a learning experience. When a close friend received a cancer diagnosis he told me, “Fred, I have a new mentor: cancer. In my mind I think of it as Professor C.” There’s real wisdom in never losing the good of a bad experience. There is seldom, if ever, an experience that doesn’t contain a nugget of good. And as we learn we have the opportunity and responsibility to share with others what has been taught.

This week carefully consider: 1) What am I facing this week? 2) What comes close to overwhelming me? 3) Which of the three legs is most in need of shoring up?

Words of Wisdom: “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” (Editor’s note: in the vast library of “Fred Saids” this is one of the favorites.)

Wisdom from the Word: “Who is a wise person? Who knows the solution to a problem? A person’s wisdom brightens his appearance, and softens his harsh countenance.” (Ecclesiastes 8:1 NET Bible)

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Living Simply

Weekly Thought – January 26, 2021

Fred loved tools and gadgets, but he did not accumulate “things.” He always said families needed savers and spenders. He proudly wore the banner of saver in his household. He never acquired a taste for status symbols or operating from a “busy is better” platform. He once said he never felt the time/energy pressures often bemoaned by others for he chose to follow his own rhythm and not one imposed upon him.

Thank you for graciously supporting BWFLI during this unusual time. Campus ministry is on hold, but virtual communication and interpersonal encouragement continues. Please pray for the team members and board members as the new virtual format is developed. God always has a way.

Living Simply

Living a simple life means we come to the point of defining a lifestyle to which we can then apply common sense organization.
Richard Foster said, “Contemporary culture lacks both the inward reality and the outward lifestyle of simplicity.” Inwardly, modern man is fracture and fragmented. He is trapped in a maze of competing attachments. One moment he makes decision on the basis of sound reason; the next moment makes one out of fear of others will think of him. He has no unity or focus around which life is oriented.

I think the Quakers have done a better job than most in fully understanding the dynamics, the beauty, and the elegance of the simple life. Let me quote:

“Experiencing the inward reality liberates us outwardly. Speech becomes truthful and honest. The lust for status and position is gone, because we no longer need them. We cease from showy extravagance, not on the basis of being able to afford it, but on the grounds of principle. We join the experience that Richard E. Byrd recorded in his journal after months alone in the barren arctic: ‘I am learning that a man can live profoundly without masses of things.’ ”

Francois Fenelon says it this way: “When we are truly in this interior simplicity, our whole appearance is franker and more natural. This true simplicity makes me conscious of a certain openness, gentleness, innocence, gaiety, and serenity which is charming when we see it near to and continually with pure eyes, o how amiable this simplicity is.”

To paraphrase: we possess natural charm. When we have nothing to hide, we can afford the frankness and openness. When we have no more need to shove people around we can be gentle, like a velvet-covered brick… soft, but firm. We can have the innocence I see in men like Billy Graham. It is not naivete, but genuine innocence without guile. We can have the gaiety, the zest of living, and not the pseudo hyped up enthusiasm that feels (and looks) like it was sprayed from a can. We can have authentic serenity for we own ourselves and are not for sale. Even more importantly, we are not trying to buy anyone else.

The simple life is more than “simply living.” It takes consideration, evaluation, formulation, and action. When we take the measure of what really counts we can move toward simplicity. We define our lifestyle and shut out all other voices that would draw us away.

This week carefully consider: 1) What does the simple life look like for me? My family? 2) Who exemplifies the interior/exterior unity for me? 3) How much do I really want to simplify?

Words of Wisdom: “The simple life is more than simply living.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A person will be satisfied with good from the fruit of his words, and the work of his hands will be rendered to him. “ (Proverbs 12: 14 NET Bible)
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  • BWFLI Impacts Lindsey Wilson College

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