Defining a Lifestyle

Weekly Thought – September 28, 2021

Fred believed in defining a lifestyle as a measure for making life decisions. He and Mary Alice set their priorities when they were newly married and renting one room from a “widow lady.” Several of their friends adopted this habit, as well. One couple said they decided how much money was enough, and when resources exceeded that limit, they increased their giving and not their consumption.

Defining a Lifestyle

A quality lifestyle doesn’t just happen – it takes hard work. When talking with those who are engaging in this exercise I ask them to consider several questions. Here are four of the principal ones:

1) What do I really enjoy doing? The thing I have a talent for, the thing I do best and enjoy the most should certainly be considered first. However, there should always be guidelines because certain things that people enjoy need to come into line with Christian thought. The lifestyle needs to be under the discipline of our scriptural faith.

2) When do I feel good about myself? This is the second defining question. What makes me feel I have meaning, worth, and uniqueness? Too many trade their gifts for money and success. Too many become a human medium of exchange sacrificing the gifts given for usefulness, not just for commerce. If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.

3) When do I feel joy? What creates a deep sense of satisfaction? When do I get the “life should be like this more often” feeling? Personally, this comes in times of genuine worship. It is not limited to church services alone. It is in those times when I sense the largeness of God and the smallness of Fred. When I feel the smallest I feel the most secure.

4) What gives me balance and authenticity? Speaking to a large group of executives I mentioned the fact that it is wonderful to wake up at 2:00 in the morning and the “little guy” inside is happy to talk with me. But if he says, “Get lost. I’ve lost respect for you,” then I know I am in trouble. One of the men jumped up, saying, “Man, you have plowed up a snake!” I knew right away he had spent some early morning hours wrestling with his little guy.

There must be ethical harmony within the lifestyle we define. Our life must reflect good relations with our family, friends, and associates. A healthy lifestyle definition strives for a compatible, beautiful, harmonious life.

This week think about: 1) Which of the questions makes me really think? 2) How am I communicating this exercise to others? 3) When I have a definition, what will I do with it?

Words of Wisdom: “If meaning is derived only from getting and not giving, a dangerous line has been crossed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of joy with your presence.” (Acts 2:28 NET Bible)

Generation to Generation

Brenda’s Blog – September 21, 2021

“I wish I had known your Dad.”

We Smith children hear that a lot after people read Dad’s writings. His wisdom and principle-based thinking still impact people years after his death.

My answer is usually “If you know me or my siblings, then you do know Dad.” His influence permeates our thinking.

We have an excellent Biblical example in David and Solomon. They were both writers who expressed their belief systems – one in a lyrical format; the other in wisdom sayings. David’s Psalm 37:5 says “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Solomon’s admonition in Proverbs 3:5-7 reflects the influence of his father: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge him. And he will make straight your paths.”

We hear the father in the voice of the son.

Have you ever said something and then immediately responded, “Oh, that sounds exactly like my Mom (or Dad)? We are profoundly marked by the lives of our parents, grandparents, and other significant adults during our upbringing. And now that we are the voices the younger ones hear, they are being imprinted by our words.

Who is within your sphere of influence? Who is absorbing your attitudes, your thinking, your belief system? What will their lives represent?

The Bible clearly instructs older ones to definitely speak to the younger ones about the nature of God – His faithfulness, His goodness, and His mighty works. We have our marching orders as elders to implant the truths of scripture, not backing away or neglecting our responsibility.

When somebody says to me, “That sounds just like your Dad,” I smile. My greatest hope is to sound like my heavenly Father.

Decisive Actions

Weekly Thought – September 21, 2021

Fred traveled heavily in his consulting and speaking work. Early on he attained lifetime status with American Airlines. He met interesting people and exercised his great skill of question asking. This week’s thought recalls a funny experience during the 1960s on one of those cross-country flights.

Decisive Actions

Decisiveness is a quality of effective executives, but it is indeed a rare trait. Everyone likes to say, “Oh, yes, I am decisive.” Very few really are. They wait until they are forced into a decision or until the decision is made for them.

Lately I’ve been accumulating clever ways people avoid making a decision. And there is no dearth of material. One of the worst offenders is the executive who talks five minutes on both sides of the question and then emphatically announces, “That is what I think.” Oh, no, there is one worse – the fellow who sits next to the him and says, “I agree with Bob.”

Actually, decisiveness is a matter of the will. I think I will illustrate it with a true story.

I was spending a few days with Mobil Oil (one of my consulting clients) on the west coast. Wanting to get home I took the red eye American flight to Chicago and then on to Cincinnati. When I got to the check-in I realized the flight was full. As we loaded people kept coming on the plane until every seat was taken except for the one next to me.

Just before the door closed a 6’3” mountain of a man with big, broad shoulders and a flat stomach came running on the plane and sat down next to me. He shouldn’t have done that. Why should he make me uncomfortable all the way to Chicago as I sat there with my 225 pounds of solid blubber? It was Charlton Heston, the actor.

“Mr. Heston, you are in wonderful physical shape.” “I have to be in my business.” I replied, “I wish I could be, too, but I have to work.” “Well, I have to work but I can stay in this shape on 17 minutes a day.”

He had no right to say that. That was not sociable. I have 17 minutes a day. He should have talked about days under professional training.

For 30 minutes I sat and stewed in my own fat. Then I said, “Mr. Heston, I travel a lot.” “I do, too.” “How do you exercise when you are on the road?” “It’s very simple. I go into the hotel room, sit on the luggage rack, put my toes under the bed, and do back bends.” “What do you do about your shoulders?” “Oh, that is easy. I roll under the bed and push the bed up and down in the air.”

Now what is the difference between Heston and Smith? You recognize it all too quickly. A recent survey discovered the definable difference between successful and unsuccessful people: the unsuccessful say “I should – I ought to- I plan to – I’m going to” but never get around to it. The successful say, “I will.” They make the decision and take action. They do it.

This week carefully consider: 1) As I read Fred’s story, where do I need to make a decision? 2)What is holding me back? 3) Who models decisiveness in my work life, community, and family?

Words of Wisdom: “Decisiveness is a matter of the will.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So give your servant a discerning mind so he can make judicial decisions for your people and distinguish right from wrong. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” ( 1 Kings 3:9 NET Bible)

Right Thinking

Weekly Thought – September 7, 2021

Fred regarded emotional control and civility highly. He valued maturity in society. As an analytical, he considered the strategies for right thinking a necessary element for all leaders.

Right Thinking

Our society has become so obsessed with winning that we have exchanged honest competition for a philosophy of life – making winning synonymous with winning and losing the effective definition of wrong. In the “win at all costs” culture everyone is an adversary. In such a situation I rarely see civility as the standard. The outcome of perpetual contest is that we stand alone and alienated. Incivility lives itself out as a disease of separation.

Our conversational styles are caught up by this philosophy. “In your face” is currently acceptable, but certainly has no Biblical foundation. The phrases “Just Do It” and “Outta My Way” create a language of incivility resulting in thoughts and actions of rudeness.

Controlling our attitudes and establishing respect for others requires discipline and a system. In my long study of emotions I developed a formula that I will share with you. Experiment and see if it will help you as it has helped me. “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.” By this I mean, first the thought comes into our mind and if we keep it long enough to give it validity it drops down into our heart and creates a mood. After this, the mood rationalizes the action. For example, when we harbor anger as a thought, it turns into a mood, and then plays out as a hostile action.

How do we work the formula for a successful outcome? We start by keeping the destructive thought out of our hearts.

Thoughts which aren’t given credibility or space will be fleeting. But if we dwell on it and give it the power to create a mood, we have taken a step toward action. Thoughts and actions are linked. “As a man thinks, so is he.”

I am not suggesting we have the ability to clear our minds of all thoughts, I know that just isn’t so. The important thing is to substitute another, healthier thought in its place. My Mother used to warn us that “idle minds were the devil’s workshop.” Even in scripture we are told in our thinking to consider truth, nobility, rightness, purity, loveliness, admirableness, and praiseworthiness.

If our goal is civility, then our mental discipline must be starting with civil thoughts. If we want to live nobly, then ignoble thoughts must be discarded. We must work to reprogram our minds, replacing the bad with the good. Emotional, mental, control will help us create social civility. Understanding the process of guarding the mind and heart allows us to take control of our actions which is the foundation of a civil society.

This week think about: 1) When do I most struggle with allowing unhealthy thoughts to grab hold? 2) How am I establishing mental disciplines to protect my thought life? 3) Which are my most productive moods?

Words of Wisdom: “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now immediately, when Jesus realized in his spirit that they were contemplating such thoughts, he said to them, ‘Why are you thinking such things in your hearts?’” (Mark 2:8 NET Bible)

Talk A Little, Talk A Lot

Brenda’s Blog – September 7, 2021

Psychologists determined women speak 20,000 words a day while men use only 7,000.

One of the downsides of aging and living alone is the inability to use anywhere near 20,000. This week I had lunch with a dear friend. We started talking at noon and finally said goodbye at 4:30. Sharing and catching up went deeper and deeper.

We laughed about being in social situations, being asked a question, and completely “overtalking,” unable to stop. My brother in law retired as a therapist. He told me of a strategy he developed for women (like me) who find themselves turning into social chatterboxes. “When you realize you are dominating the conversation think W.A.I.T. = Why Am I Talking? This should help you put the brakes on and engage more appropriately.”

Steve Brown, of KeyLife Network, used Peter as an illustration in a recent sermon. His description tickled me. “Peter stood with Jesus, John, and Mark as Moses and Elijah appeared in person on the mountain. Where most would be speechless, not Peter. He didn’t know what to say, so HE SAID IT!”

An article by Rosario Butterfield on Christian hospitality made excellent points about building bridges with neighbors. “We all have strong beliefs and opinions, but we don’t have to say everything that is on our hearts.” Her story of coming to faith through neighbors’ kindness and hospitality emphasized the importance of measuring our words.

The same Peter who awkwardly fumbled through the miraculous appearing on the mountaintop later wrote to Jews who were driven from their home regions. “Be prepared always to give a reason for the hope that is in you.” But he didn’t advocate theological debates, finger-pointing, Bible-thumping behavior. No, he completed his thought by telling them the defense was to be with gentleness and grace.

In a world where overtalking and talking over are the conversational norms it is good to consider the value of appropriate and effective speech. Communicating with each other enables relationships to deepen, businesses to thrive, and church communities to grow. To do this we must hone our verbal skills, operating in truth and skill.