A Discouraging Word

Weekly Thought – February 12, 2019

“That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.”

Nestle Quik ran an ad campaign featuring the slurping of a straw in an empty glass of chocolate milk. The tag line was always, “That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.” A few weeks ago that came to mind as I was listening to people listening their lifetime regrets. Over and over they agonized over the “coulda, shoulda, wouldas” with clear agony.

Living life in the rear view mirror makes us vulnerable to crashes because we don’t see what is ahead.

I believe God weaves all the threads together in His sovereignty. Camping out on the jobs not taken, relationships undeveloped, and money misspent is unhealthy, leading to chronic unhappiness.

Certainly, we all make mistakes….we all do dumb things… we all long for do-overs. BUT, it is destructive to rehash, review, and rehearse those sad sounds. When Ross Perot ran for President he had a famous campaign phrase to connote the trade imbalance between the US and other countries: “a giant sucking sound.” Years later I still hear references made to Perot’s comment. Allowing the past to cripple the present is a giant sucking sound.

Maybe it is a good thing to think about that saddest sound, face it, evaluate it, and then go fill the glass back up with yummy chocolate milk.
The Broadway musical, The Fantastiks, reminded us “the heart without hurts is hollow.” We don’t seek out pain for that is sadism. But seeing it for what it is and properly integrating it into our lives is realism. No, we didn’t get a blue ribbon every time. And a lot of times we didn’t even get honorable mention, but hopefully we learned something. As Christians our goal should be to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Part of that enjoyment is seeing His hand in all the goods and bads, knowing He has a purpose.

2019 won’t be perfect. But it can be a time of proper perspective. Let’s stop sucking on that straw in the empty glass – it is counterproductive and irritates everyone around us. This is a year for hope!

Personal Development Planning

Weekly Thought – February 5, 2019

Fred assumed God gave him gifts, not just for his enjoyment, but for he good of others – and to His glory. The concept of stewarding his “uniqueness” remained uppermost throughout his life, even to the last days. (Note: when Fred used the words “I am convinced” friends and family paid attention because it was always the preamble for a Fred truth.)

BWF is undertaking a writing project using several of Fred’s principles for effective living: mentoring, networking, and persevering. Please pray for the ideas to form into a usable, helpful shape. Your prayerful support and your financial gifts enable us to continue bringing Fred’s lifework forward. Thank you.

Personal Development Planning

I am convinced I am responsible for my own personal development. Only I know who I want to become. Only I know my real strengths and weaknesses; my passion and my talent. Only I know the price I am willing to pay to become who I can be.

On January 1st each year I look at what personal progress I made the year before and then importantly, what possible progress I can make in the coming year. For effective analysis I divided my development program into four areas: 1) physical, 2) emotional, 3) mental, and 4) spiritual. I do audits of my business, and family, as well, but this particular analysis is for my personal development.

I then measure four elements: 1) association, 2) reading, 3) writing, and 4) travel.

Association: when I was young I was always told, “Birds of a feather flock together.” I wanted to associate with individuals who would be my mentors and role models. Early in my business career I chose six qualities I wanted to build into my life. I asked individuals who personified each to give me an autographed picture. I framed them, along with a print of Hoffman’s head of Christ, and a mirror. I hung them with Christ at the top and the mirror at the bottom, surrounded by the others. It was an informal way to measure my progress.

Reading: I do prescriptive reading. What do I mean? Just as everyone doesn’t have the same prescription of their glasses, not everyone is helped by reading the same subjects. I read no fiction. I concentrate on certain authors who can give me what I need. I read on philosophy, theology, mentoring, and psychology – subjects for which I have a natural affinity.

Writing: Until I began working with Maxey Jarman, chairman of GENESCO, I was totally verbal. Once as I reported on activity in one of the manufacturing plants, he said, “Fred, write it.” When I told him I couldn’t, he said, “The reason you can’t write it is that you don’t know it. Anything you know you can write.” He required writing as a way of developing the discipline in me. Later in life I adopted Bacon’s quote: “Writing makes an exact man.”

Travel: Travel expands my viewpoint. Growing up in the mill district of North Nashville my world was very limited. But, I knew there was more. I would sit in the attic of our house with a crystal radio set searching for broadcasts from the outside world. Dreams became realities and I experienced all those places.

My friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones always says: “Except for the books you read and the people you meet, you will be the same person in five years as you are today.” So true!

This week think about: 1) How well am I growing in Fred’s categories? 2) What are my measures for personal development? 3) Who can help me be much stronger in five years?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced I am responsible for my own personal development.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that everyone will see your progress.” (1 Timothy 4:15 NET Bible)

Defining Impact

Weekly Thought – January 29, 2019

Fred didn’t remember wasting time as a child. He was ridiculed by others because he would sit and think, sometimes hiding in the attic or behind bushes to have alone time. Fred knew his goals were different from those around him. Serious thinking became the keystone of his giftedness.

Defining Impact

When I was 28, I sat in a cemetery and decided what I wanted as an epitaph. “He Stretched Others” was the phrase back then – and still is. This became a driving mission as I wanted to be a productive, helpful piece in the development of others.

Thinking of our mortality is important. I read we have an entire generation who is trying to outrun old age through health care, exercise, cosmetic surgery – and fooling themselves. Considering the end helps us bring clarity and reality to the present.

Our son, Fred, asked me “Dad, if you had only one more to talk to make, what would be the subject?” An intriguing question, don’t you think? The importance of our choices increases as we age. We know our time to impact others is limited. Just as Fred asked me, I started asking questions of others.

That became a challenge to describe the process the answering the “final” question. “Fred, everyone doesn’t think about these things as deeply as you do. Help me figure out a process so I can answer my question.” Here are just four of the many questions I asked which may be helpful as you construct your own last words:

1) What fact do I feel has affected my life the most?
2) What one thing would I want to say to my children and grandchildren?
3) What is the one statement that most deeply stirs me?
4) What could I say that would affect my hearers the most?

Whether it would be one last speech to make, one last song to sing, or one last book to write it makes a difference to know what your final expression would be. In defining this you find out a lot about who you are and what your life purpose is.

Oh, just in case you wondered about my answer to Fred… “The True Nature of Man.” Is mankind basically good with a tendency toward sin or basically sinful with a possibility for good?

(Note: on Fred’s tombstone in the Dallas cemetery which he is buried, the headstone says “He Stretched Others.”)

This week think about: 1) What is my “one last” word? 2) How am I evaluating my life in light of the future? 3) Who needs to engage in this conversation with me?

Words of Wisdom: “Considering the end helps us bring clarity and reality to the present.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With God are wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.” (Job 12: 13 NET Bible)

Surviving the Storm

Brenda’s Blog – January 29, 2019

“The trees with leaves and fruit are the most likely to fall over in saturated soil.” As I watched the Weather Channel’s interesting graphic on why trees fall in heavy storms, I thought “that’ll preach!”

For some time I have noticed dead trees seem to maintain their stature while trees with obvious life fall over. I kept thinking, “there is a principal at work here, but I just don’t know what it is.”

Then the Weather Channel gave me an excellent illustration. When the ground is saturated, roots lose their hold. Typically, trees have shallow roots sufficient for normal periods. When unusual water soaks in, the roots lose their control trees topple. And when the branches are heavy with leaves and fruit, the downward pull is even stronger. The lack of pressure on the dead trees allows them to survive.

No, that isn’t where I stopped. Interesting as that may be, it really doesn’t preach, does it? So, here goes.

When I look around and consider leaders I often think of them as giant oak trees. I see broad leaves, and if they are fruit trees, I comment on their vast harvest. They are heavy with fruitful ministries, successful businesses, flourishing families, and verdant lives. Then I see them fall. How can that be? They look like the healthiest of all.

What we don’t see is the impact of life’s storms, temptations, and failings which saturate the root system. We don’t see that too often they fall under the very abundance that we admire. Their foundation is loosened as the waters rise. They maintain their green appearance until the final storm pulls them down.

Let’s pray for our leaders. Let’s pray for those who look so strong, so good, so attractive. May their roots go deep. May they be rooted in the Word of God with our encouragement.

And then let’s focus on our own “leafiness” knowing sometimes our greatest successes can be the greatest hindrances in our battle to overcome the storms.

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The Memory Game

Weekly Thought – January 22, 2019

Fred considered his memory as part of his gifting. Even at the very end of his life he had extraordinary capacity. His ability to not only pull back, but put into context enabled him to speak, write, and teach broadly.

During 2019 BWF is expanding its content through additional written materials. Prayer support as undertake the updating of You and Your Network, and produce a book on transition and change inspired by the What’s Next Roundtable.

The Memory Game

Friends of mine who are being dragged into their 50s complain of “losing their mind” when it is only their recall that is slowing down. (Note: Fred lived to 92 with memory intact). They still have strong reasoning power and good decision making skills.

They are experiencing a weakening of their recall system. As I grew older I felt the same frustration and anxiety.

When I thought it through I realized I have a mind, a memory, and a recall system. The mind does the thinking, the memory does the warehousing of data, and the recall is the retrieval method.

Now that my short-term memory is very capricious, I developed a game which defeats frustration. In fact, I have learned to greatly enjoy it!

The warehouse of my memory still contains all of my experiences. When I cannot bring a name or a word to mind I don’t lay the blame on my memory. Memory hasn’t failed – the warehouse is still in fine shape. And, if the recall element were in top working order, everything would be clear.

Here is how my warehouse works: I decided the building is divided into shelving units with workers whose responsibility was to retrieve and race to the front desk where the request lay. When they were young, they challenged each other to see who could answer my call with the speediest response. No matter what item I required, the answer was found and returned. Sometimes the warehousemen actually ran into each other bringing thoughts, names, and places to mind. Sometimes the warehouse whirred around with unlimited activity.

As I aged the process slowed down. At first I couldn’t understand it and was frustrated. “What was happening?”

Then the lightbulb went on: the warehouse workers were aging as I did. Some have arthritis, have failing eyes, and even misconstrue my request. Some workers have retired so several units are unattended. The pep in their step drags a bit.

The other day I waited and waited for the worker to return. When he arrived he reported he forgot what I ordered. I laughed and said, “So did I!”

When I realized I have not lost my mind I understood the process… and cut the workers some slack. And I wrote out bonus checks for those warehousemen who faithfully serve me for all these years! And prepared myself to hear from them about 3 am for that is their time of choice to deliver the information!

This week think about: 1) How can I change my view of memory loss? 2) What can I do to keep my warehousemen in good shape? 3) Who needs to be encouraged by Fred’s game?

Words of Wisdom: “The mind does the thinking, the memory does the warehousing of data, and the recall is the retrieval method.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will remember the works of the Lord. Yes, I will remember the amazing things you did long ago!” (Psalm 77:11 NET Bible)

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Tragic Arrogance

Brenda’s Blog – January 15, 2019

“I’ve got this…”

The woman told me the story of her father’s death following surgery. As the details unfolded I thought how very much they apply to our lives, as well.

The experienced anesthesiologist didn’t want to be bothered by the alarms on the monitors in the operating rooms. “I have done this over and over and I don’t need to hear those alarms going off. I’ve got this,” he said as he flipped the switches, quieting the machine.

Sadly, the application of the tubing went awry and no alarms were activated to alert the medical staff until it was too late. The operation was a success, but the patient died.

Don’t we have systems for living? What safety measures have you taken to protect your marriage, your health, your career? Have you ever thought, “I’ve got this!” and silenced the buzzers? Too many fall off cliffs thinking they are experts.

“This one time won’t matter.” Step one in flipping off the alarms.

I once talked with a young man who is deep into drugs and alcohol. I asked him if he could remember back to the beginning. “Do you remember hesitating at all? Do you remember thinking twice?” He answered in the affirmative thinking he was above addiction…. “he had it.” Now the substances have him.

How can we protect ourselves? Thinking about long term goals and the dangers to their achievement is a good start. Understanding the principles underlying good and godly living is helpful. And of course, being part of an accountability relationship which lovingly helps you watch your steps.

I have often heard the enemy doesn’t attack us in our weaknesses, but in our strengths. He convinces us we don’t need the alarms – we are strong enough, smart enough, and spiritual enough to handle the day to day.

Keep the switches on! The alarm bells may be the difference between wise living and the way of the fool.

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Challenges and Disturbances

Weekly Thought – January 15, 2019

Fred’s ability to capture the essence of culture and his discernment about the nature of mankind gave him a timeless view of the world. This week’s post is truly solid gold as it is excerpted from a 1954 speech. In the talk he mused about the challenging conditions of the world, listing some disturbing contributions of his generations. Fred was 39 at the time of these observations.

Challenges and Disturbances

My generation has given to the new generation (editor’s note: new generation at that time comprised of those born 1927-1944):

1) Religion without conviction
2) Science without conscience
3) Kinsey without marriage
4) Excitement without achievement
5) Security without effort
6) Knowledge without wisdom
7) Nightmares instead of dreams
8) Techniques without principles
9) Precepts without examples
10) Freedom without responsibility
11) The present without promise
12) The future without fruition
13) Marching orders without marching songs
14) Education without motivation
15) Prosperity without peace
16) War without reason
17) Art without beauty
18) Brotherhood without Godhood
19) Songs without souls
20) Enterprise without enthusiasm
21) Fission without feeling
22) Fusions without faith

This week think about: 1) Nearly 60 years ago Fred saw these trends. What am I seeing and passing on to the next generations? 2) How clear am I on my challenges and contributions? 3) Who am I influencing in the next generations?

Words of Wisdom: “We are giving the new generation knowledge without wisdom.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And regard the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as also our dear brother Paul wrote to you, according to the wisdom given to him. (2 Peter 3:15 NET Bible)

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Enough?

Weekly Thought – January 8, 2019

Fred considered personal growth a serious responsibility. His paraphrased life verse was Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” An evangelist gave this verse to Fred when he was a teenager, and it became a driving force.

This month our BWFLI team will be gathering at LeTourneau University in Longview, TX. Please pray for them as they begin conversations and create connections about their “What’s Next” decisions. 2019 will be a year for publishing. You and Your Network will be getting a facelift with new styling and additional bonus content. The What’s Next curriculum will be featured in a book sharing stories of people with their transition and change strategies.

Enough?

Adequacy is our ability to cope – no matter what the situation. Adequacy is both a fact and a feeling. A lot of people have the fact, but lack the feeling. Consequently, they go around with negative thoughts and fears. For example, when problem situations arise, they handle them capably, but don’t tap into the capacity to enjoy the feeling of adequacy. Therefore, they brush off the success and miss out on the complete experience of being adequate.

I know a young female executive who “leaks.” She handles difficulties easily, then moves on without taking even a moment to process the success. She seems incapable of retaining the feeling of doing well. Instead, she can recite a litany of misses while totally missing out on the feeling of success.

However, there is no reason to say that you are adequate when you are not. This is fantasy and will get you into a great deal of trouble. When your inadequacy is revealed, you will look like a fraud. But a legitimate feeling of accomplishment is important for it contains elements of hope, faith, confidence, and good past experiences.

The ability to think is far greater than the ability to store information. The willingness to act is more important than the data involved with processing the action. Too often we have all the information we need to make a good decision, but failure and subsequent inadequacy come in the inability to take action.

Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action. And as we experience this pairing in our lives we gain the fact and feeling of adequacy. In Texas we have a fitting expression “fixin’ to.” To be truly adequate we need to move beyond that to doin’ it.

And for Christians, we know that the fundamental ingredient is the humility to know our gifts don’t come from us, but through us.

This week think of: 1) When do the fact and feeling of adequacy come together for me? 2) How can I hone my decision making skills? 3) Where are my areas of intended growth for 2019?

Words of Wisdom: “Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as if it were coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5 NET Bible)

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Room to Breathe

Brendas Blog – January 1, 2019

“I just replaced FOMO with JOMO.”

Those words caught my attention. Working with college students has given me a deeper understanding of the FOMO lifestyle. FOMO? Fear Of Missing Out. Interestingly, many of those we meet think this is a new phenomenon, specific to them. But we women of the “have it all” generation have walked this road.

We didn’t have lives “enhanced” by digital devices, but we had calendars, and day-timers which ruled. As a college student in the 60s. white space on my campus-themed organizer meant something was going on without me. Long before authors of the Experience Economy explained the success of Nordstroms and Starbucks, we embraced happenings, whether musical, political, spiritual – or all of the above. Being there and being seen was de rigueur.

Calendar pages have now flown by and that young woman has turned into a nearly 75 year old (who is still amazed at the mirror reflection of this oldish lady) who is being told missing out isn’t the end of life. Choosing wisely allows strength to be in the right place at the right time with the ability to engage and enjoy.

So, when I heard the observation about FOMO’s being replaced by JOMO, I immediately connected. JOMO? Joy Of Missing Out. Instead of focusing on the art of saying no, I can now look at all the opportunities, putting some (more and more) into the JOMO bucket. Just saying no isn’t enough. There must be a sense of knowing when and why – and then rejoicing.

Running breathlessly, filling in calendars, making appearances, and wondering where the time goes turns us into a tangle of experiences with no central theme.

I laughed at JOMO, but then realized how thankful I am for a way to describe this season. I may miss a dinner or two, certainly the latest movie, and maybe even the most current book, but it will give me time to show up for coffee with friends, trips with grandchildren, and weekend refreshments without jamming them into a schedule full of “need to go” rather than “want to go.”

Find your JOMO!

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Optimistic New Year

Weekly Thought – January 1, 2019

Fred lived as a realist, but chose to see the richness in the days to come. When he and Mary Alice married in 1937 they committed to each other that “the best is yet to be.” They went through very lean financial years, but throughout they stood together acknowledging the will of God in their lives. In 2006 he wrote these words as thoughts on the year to come. They are a personal reflection. They seem appropriate as we enter 2019.

BWFLI anticipates our campus event at LeTourneau University during January. Our team will speak truth, bring hope, and engage students. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.

Optimistic New Year

I am optimistic about 2006. Not only that it will be a year of blessings in the form of opportunities, but also that my health will remain stabilized. The website (breakfastwithfred.com) continues t grow and be useful. The Saturday morning open house (Fred in the Bed) is the bright spot of every week. We have formed a real community of friends. Two notes are typical of this group. One said, “I have a lot of problems which I leave at Brenda’s front door. I come empty and leave full.” Another said, “When I started coming I only faith to get me to heaven, but now I want to serve the Lord.”

I also am looking forward to teaching Zig Ziglar’s class as well as the many telephone conversations with friends (old and new) during the week. I am enjoying the optimism of usefulness.

A friend sent me some research done by Dr. Martin Seligman, past President of the American Psychological Society. The report was done on the effect of optimism on health. He found it was the dominant factor over a long period of time. To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.

Dr. Seligman has authored an interesting and helpful book on optimism showing that it is an attitude that can be learned. There is quite a difference in Pollyanna-ism and genuine optimism. True optimists see the negative but don’t fear them for they feel adequate to the challenge. False optimism is more denial than recognition.

An attitude of optimism not only makes life for the individual but also for those associated with him/her. I have found visitors who come to see me appreciate the positive environment we have created and look forward to returning.

I am credited with hundreds of one-liners. One of my favorites and one I certainly find helpful in this stage of life: “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” If I anticipate usefulness, maturity, and contribution in immobility, dialysis, and other physical ailments, then I am finding the good.

This week carefully consider: 1) What does optimism mean to me? 2) What am I excited about for 2019? 3) How am I communicating a healthy, positive attitude to others?

Words of Wisdom: “To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And you will be secure, because there is hope; you will be protected and will take your rest in safety. “ (Job 11:18 NET Bible)

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Brenda A. Smith shares a TV Interview about LeTourneau-BWFLI event
Fred Smith Sr. shares a lifetime of Encouragement at Centennial Celebration
Mark Modesti TED Talk – The Argument for Trouble
Student Impact at Emmaus Bible College
BWFLI Impacts Lindsey Wilson College

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