Weekly Thought – February 3, 2026
Fred often counseled distressed couples: “Even when you can’t feel like you are in love, you can treat each other with civility.” He was a fan of Scott Peck’s writings. One of his favorites was A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered. Fred grew up without material sophistication, but was rich in graciousness.
Incivility to Civility
Scott Peck says, “Our illness is incivility, the morally destructive patterns of self-absorption, callousness, manipulativeness, and materialism.” For some time I have studied the emotions of incivility. Here are four that are eroding our civilization:
1) Anger – You can randomly ask any American, “What are you mad about?” and get a quick response. There’s a depth of ire in our society. Unfortunately, I think a great deal of it is being fostered by the demagogues of special interest. Sadly, much of it is the result of spiritual malnutrition. Anger is eating us up, from the inside out. It is the “sweet wine of poison.”
2) Aggression – I don’t mean competition. I like to use the definition from Dr. Will Menninger: “The willingness or even the desire to hurt someone.” I hear aggression dismissed as a response to stress. No, stress results from aggression. We see it on the road everyday. We even see it in the grocery. Mary Alice and I were in the grocery last week and I watched sweet, elderly ladies turn into Rambo creatures driving carts like military tanks.
3) Discourtesy – We are generally courteous to our friends. We treat strangers and too often, our family, with discourtesy. How does this square with the scripture’s admonition to offer hospitality to strangers? Discourtesy in our families doesn’t make sense, but it is very prevalent. I don’t buy that adage, “You hurt the ones you love.” Baloney!
When George Washington was fourteen he made a list of 110 items which denoted a civil life. Here are “Fred’s Four” which, when used regularly, take us a long way. These four help the gears mesh without the scraping sounds of incivility.
1. “Please” – Have you noticed when you use this simple word your phrase changes from command to request?
2. “Excuse me” – We are quick to transfer fault to someone else. When we genuinely accept responsibility, we lubricate our social interactions.
3. “Thank you” – Have you ever heard someone truly and authentically express appreciation? It gives me a warm feeling and makes me want to pass it on. It’s a verbal bridge between individuals.
4. “After you” – Billy Graham and I spent a few days together. I mentioned how he deferred to me at each doorway. He was surprised and when we talked about graciousness, he attributed this trait to his father. Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.
This week think about: 1) What am I mad about right now? 2) Is the “after you” attitude part of my mindset? 3) What can I do to promote civility in my family this week?
Words of Wisdom: “Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.”
Wisdom from the Word: “Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!” (Psalm 37:8 NET Bible)