Giving Up Control

Brenda’s Blog – July 1, 2025

“Don’t do a Sarah!” From his hospital bed Dad listened carefully to our conversation. A group of his good friends had just called me to offer help on purchasing a log cabin at Holly Lake Ranch which would be my home “after Dad’s homegoing.’ When I began the process I had a specific amount of money which would be my limit. If it weren’t accepted I would gratefully acknowledge this was not a good fit. These friends heard from Dad about the situation and told me they would make up the difference between what I had and what they were asking. These were godly, wise men.

I turned to Dad in the hospital room and told him of the conversation. Before I took the final breath and exhausted him with my detailed report of the phone call he looked at me and simply said, “Brenda, don’t do a Sarah. You have prayed about this; you have peace about the decision, so DON’T DO A SARAH!” I knew exactly what he meant. He and I read scripture together daily and the lessons learned in Genesis’s narrative of Abram and Sarai (Abraham and Sarah) still clearly came to both our minds.

She loved Yahweh. She loved her husband and wanted the promised blessings to be his. When it looked like the holy timetable had gotten off track she took it in her own hands to “fix it.” What everlasting trouble resulted from that simple act of helping God.

Dad was telling me to thank the men but to trust God. I graciously expressed my appreciation as I said no. Strangely, that very afternoon my realtor called saying, “I have put better offers than yours on the table repeatedly and been refused. They accepted yours and I will never know why. It is a mystery!” Was it really? Or was it the outcome of stepping out of the Ms. Fixer role and truly trusting God?

Dad died a few months later and I wholeheartedly believe those were his words of blessing for me. He knows I love God and he knows I too often jump ahead in my fervor and desire to see good things happen. But often I hear him say, “Brenda, don’t do a Sarah.”

If you find yourself too eagerly acting thinking “surely, this is such a good thing – it must be God’s will for me (or others)” pause a moment and consider that momentary trust can produce a lifetime of glory for God.

A Faithful Follower

Weekly Thought – June 24, 2025

Fred truly bore the label “lifelong learner.” A scholarly scientific researcher once told him, “Fred. always go to bed more ignorant than you woke up. Always be amazed at God’s world and how much you don’t know.” His faith walk was part of that challenge. He consistently gravitated toward those who taught him more about the living God.

A Faithful Follower

In our lives “faith” is both a noun and a verb. My friend Dr. Ramesh Richard is the founder and president of RREACH, an international proclamation ministry. He serves as a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary developing men and women in the tenets of the Christian faith. He introduced me to the “Five Solas” or the five alones of salvation: 1)by grace alone; 2) by faith alone; 3)by scripture alone; 4) through Christ alone; and 5) for glory alone. Faith is an outstanding noun.

Faith, as a verb, is the working out of our relationship through the application of the principles and disciplines. Scripture’s promises and directives set the ground rules for the life of faith. Scripture is the key element.

May I share a personal, though unusual, experience? Years ago I was in negotiations with the steelworkers’ union. Our attorney was convinced they were going to strike so he advised us against putting an offer on the table thinking it would be used against us in negotiations. As I left for home I did something I never did… I opened my Bible reading the first verse I saw: “Do not withhold from workers money that is due them.” (James 5:4) I was convinced of my decision. Opting against the attorney’s recommendation I made a reasonable offer. To our amazement the union workers readily accepted it. We avoided a strike. Even though I don’t support that method of scriptural leadership as the model for study and meditation, I felt firmly that day I had received divine guidance on walking in faith.

I believe in the principle that anytime I make a decision which does not conflict with scripture, and is supported by the desire to do right we are operating from faith. There is an old hymn which affirms the fact that “He Leadeth Me.” The hymnist prays, “His faithful follower I would be, for by His hand, He leadeth me.”

This week carefully consider: 1) Who is leading me this week?2) How can I apply the Five Solas?3) When have I experienced the guiding hand of God?

Words of Wisdom: “Faith, as a verb, is the working out of our relationship through the application of the principles and disciplines.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But someone will say, ‘You have faith and I have works.’ Show me your faith without works and I will show you my faith by my faith.” (James 2:18 NET Bible)

Reading Life’s Mile Markers

Weekly Thought – June 17, 2025

Fred often differentiated between goals and direction. In consulting and mentoring he stressed the importance of understanding the nature of direction.

Reading Life’s Mile Markers

Choosing a goal in life is not our most important decision; choosing our direction is. Chasing short-range goals can take us in the wrong direction. Mature success and satisfaction come from the direction in which we move, not in the goals we attain.

Too much goal orientation brings us the same problem Harvard Business School found in the “case study” format for instruction. Bright young students learned to solve problems rather than identifying opportunities. The real progress in life comes in the recognition of potential. Problem solving is certainly key, but it part of the process of seizing opportunities. Too much focus on goal-orientation allows us to become almost mechanical in our approach to life. The totally technological perspective on life threatens to turn us into computers. Who would want that?

I oppose setting an ultimate goal for one’s life. I do not support a specific, definable, measurable place in life. In this I mean material, educational, professional accomplishments, and certainly not character and spiritual maturity aims. When one in essence says “By 45 I will have a net worth of $X, a country club membership, a luxury car, and a notable career,” it creates a system for decision making locked in by these markers.

In my experience I have seen the futility of those who used a deterministic mindset actually achieving the goals (many times before the due date) only to recognize a huge letdown. They climbed the mountain, assuming success would create fulfillment, but when they checked off the goals they realized it was too limited.

I am not opposed to planning, but I am much more interest in making decision based on the impact they will have on who I will ultimately become if I take the path being considered. I don’t want to be so focused on goals that I get to the top of the ladder only to see it is leaning against the wrong wall. A high achieving young executive stopped by the office to tell me, “I know my direction and I also know I need to seriously review my progress and revector as needed. Just a minimal move away from the chosen direction if not corrected can create disaster eventually.”

Goals are important as mile markers to confirm we are traveling in the right direction. But, I am convinced they are not to be an end in themselves.

This week seriously consider: 1) What work have I done to establish my life direction? 2) How do I answer “Am I satisfied with who I am becoming?” 3) Who serves as a model for a healthy life style?

Words of Wisdom: “The becoming is the joy in the journey.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I hereby guide you in the way of wisdom and I lead you in upright paths.” (Proverbs 4:11 NET Bible)

Catching Up

Brenda’s Blog – June 17, 2025

“What has become clearer to you since last we met?”

Transcendentalists Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau were great friends. Their times together often left great gaps in time. When they saw each other their greeting to each was “what has become clearer to you since last we met?” Isn’t that a marvelous question? Indeed better than “Wha’s happenin?”

Their greeting presumes each has invested time thinking about ideas, doesn’t it?

In our age of mobility we often lose track of friends. Platforms like Facebook enable us to reestablish virtually, but too often face to face is lacking. The experience of sitting down with old acquaintances, associates, and even family members is both pleasurable and meaningful.
When I took a promotion and moved to Iowa my job involved regular travel. For the first thirteen months I spent the weekend wherever the work ended on Fridays. I laid out a schedule of high school, college, and country-wide friends calling it my Sentimental Journey. I invited them to meet me for a cup of coffee and a “catch up.” It literally filled my relationship tank!

Two long-term local friends and I met for lunch yesterday. Of course the conversation turned to children and grands. “I get texts weekly and sometimes daily from my daughter, but if I call I get one word answers and a hurried ‘Bye, Mom!’”

A Facebook blog carries the title “The importance of Mother/Daughter trips.” As a mom and sister who is blessed to have fond memories of road trips, bucket list fulfillments, and discoveries of delicious desserts I know the critical nature of these excursions. There is nothing like time in the car together for free conversations, silly laughter, and warm hugs. It is even a proper way to find out what has become clearer to another!

A recent article encouraged readers to say thank you to those who had contributed to their lives. Parents, siblings, teachers, pastors, and employers were high on the list. As an octogenarian most of those deserving of my gratitude are no longer alive. I sadly wish I could tell my band director or choir teacher how music has been a stabilizer for all my life. The pastor who modeled grace and peace when a selfish family ignited a church split certainly would be on my list. Employers who believed in me and “saw something” will always be critical pieces of my story. If those on your list are still alive, don’t wait! Say thank you; tell them they made a difference. That is the best catchup of all!

Doing My Best

Weekly Thought – June 10, 2025

Fred joined a team of Baptist businessmen which formed the “Focus Week” movement in the 1950s and 1960s. He and an outstanding gathering of other dynamic professionals, scientists, physicians, academicians, entrepreneurs, and executives spent time with students on various Baptist university campuses all through the year. Fred thoroughly enjoyed these five day marathons with nonstop classroom assignments, meal times, night sessions, and chapels. In 2007 the Breakfast with Fred Leadership Institute began, built on the structure and spirit of Focus Week.

Doing My Best

As Christians we need to remember God is interested in our work. He commands us to pursue excellence, avoiding “being slothful.” In our chosen business. I am sure He is hurt when we slip into mediocrity, standing around the water cooler complaining, or wasting time on personal cell phone calls. When we use company computers on company time against policy, we dishonor Him. Scripture tells us “whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might, as unto the Lord.” Notice it doesn’t say, “If you enjoy your work, like the boss, enjoy your associates” then it is a good thing. That is not what scripture says. If we are going to put our life into it, then we should do it to the very best of our ability. The attitude of “unto the Lord” gives work a divine significance.

Christian executive, Mason Roberts, former President of Frigidaire, shared with me his daily closing ritual. He had a calendar on his desk with these words inscribed: “Having done my best today, it will be easier to do better tomorrow.” At the end of the day he would put his hand on the calendar, say a short prayer of thanksgiving for the day, tear the sheet off and throw it in the wastebasket, and go home. On those rare days when he could not honestly give thanks for doing his best, he would call his wife, ask her to delay dinner, and work until he found satisfaction.

It is our responsibility to bring meaning to our work. We can do it in three ways: 1)in being excellent in what we do which gives us self-respect and security; 2) in the attitude we bring to the job which helps to create a positive environment; 3)in seeing our associates as those we can encourage and perhaps even bring to the Lord.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I measure “doing my best”? 2) What is my motivation in my work? 3) When do I feel “God’s pleasure” in my work?

Words of Wisdom: “The attitude of “unto the Lord” gives work a divine significance.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people,” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Looking Behind the Walls

Brenda’s Blog – June 3, 2025

“You never know what you are going to find when you pull off the drywall.”

I remember when TLC and HGTV captured the imagination and creativity of America. Everyone caught the remodeling bug and even began thinking of flipping houses as a satisfactory “side hustle.”

Every show featured the moment when someone’s dream home became a nightmare. “We have good news and bad news…” We all knew more time, more money, and fewer options were to follow. However, through the miracles of TV renovation the celebrity builders overcame all barriers and produced tearful reveals.

It was not unusual to find corrosion and mold when plumbing, wiring, and flooring were opened up. The exterior appearance belied the internal decay. No Band-Aids allowed – no patch jobs worked, either.

I realized my spiritual makeover (theologians call this sanctification) is similar. As the Holy Spirit pulls down the walls, my transformation into the likeness of Jesus exposes natural rot. I needed a full clean-out as the Spirit rebuilds me in His image. How many times did He open up areas desperately needing His construction skills?

Living as a testimony to the fruit of the Spirit required full time attention. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control were the outcomes of this construction project.

He provided tools of prayer, Bible study, and Christian fellowship to bring the elements of His love forth. The reveal isn’t a one-time experience. Rather, it is a day by day, ongoing work. But the day will come when we will be presented to God as the product of His magnificent work. YAY!

Creating a Winning Environment

Weekly Thought – June 3, 2025

Fred believed in the development and use of his God-given gifts. As a teenager a traveling evangelist came to his church and left Fred with words which created a lifelong mission. “Fred, I want you to always remember this paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift that God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” The framed words always hung on his office wall.

Creating a Winning Environment

When I saw the old wrangler on whose life the movie “The Horse Whisperer” was based I felt that he was a kindred spirit. He used empathy rather than dominance to achieve his goals. He transformed both the role of the wrangler and the experience of the horse by moving from a hierarchical system, which was tyrannical to a team, or mutual benefit, program. He no longer depended on the horse’s fear but on its friendship. His orders became friendly suggestions that he knew would be accepted.

The famed “winningest coach,” John Wooden of UCLA basketball, used his own nondictatorial system. Reportedly, he never mentioned the word “win” to any of his teams. He simply emphasized the concept of doing one’s best. This was an entirely different emphasis from the usual pre-game pep talk in the locker rooms of his day. Wooden’s philosophy excluded using dirty tricks, bending the rules, violating recruiting regulations and falsifying grades, all of which winning teams often rationalize. Wooden made it possible to win even when losing (which wasn’t often) as long as the men on his teams did their best. He had an eye for talent and for men who would grow in an atmosphere that demanded their best. He built teams of honorable men.

The goal of leadership is to accomplish the vision of our calling. We optimize our associates’ gifts and passions as we work to attain what we genuinely believe is the will of God, and for the glory of God.

We work to find the uniqueness in others and then to develop, encourage, and reward it. We work to find and use our own giftedness so that one day we may hear “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Catching a vision and then creating an atmosphere in which talented men and women thrive in the role of the leader. Working together in tandem, not operating in an authoritarian system is the sign of a healthy organization.

This week think about:1) What is my uniqueness, as Fred would say? 2) What is my response to a tyrannical workplace? 3) Who can I encourage to find their giftedness and develop it?

Words of Wisdom: “The goal of leadership is to accomplish the vision of our calling.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then they will realize this is your work, and that you, LORD, have accomplished it.” (Psalm 109:27 NET Bible)

Avoiding A Bitter Taste

Weekly Thought – May 27, 2025

Fred grew up facing numerous difficulties, but lived with the maxim: “You can either get bitter or better.” He didn’t adopt an artificial sugar-coated attitude. He liked to say he was not an optimist, nor a pessimist, but a realist.

Avoiding A Bitter Taste

The little black book some use as a “get-even-with” list is nothing more than a poison package. Scripture says “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” Revenge has no place in the mature life… it is an acid that eats away at the inner being.

Some individuals are unfortunate enough to build their lives around a single hurtful episode, focusing on vengeance until it becomes a lifetime obsession. It makes the person mean-spirited, cynical, unhealthy, desperate, and joyless. And this person is certainly unpleasant to be around.

Avoiding bitterness when seriously hurt is difficult. Sometimes it is caused by an individual; sometimes it is a particular event or situation. We all know men and women still scarred by abuse, physical ailments, or emotional damage. These wake up each morning with the proverbial “chip on their shoulders.” On the other hand, there are many who live with grace and forgiveness. These can move on to maturity and health.

After speaking at a prayer breakfast in Wichita, KS an executive invited me to see a plant where 200 men and women with learning disabilities were employed. He was chairman of this company’s board and was insistent I travel to the plant with him. I must admit this activity wasn’t on my pre-planned itinerary.

I am so glad he invited me.

We arrived and I was told most of the employees were born with Down Syndrome. We toured and I asked him, “How often do you visit this location?” “Almost every day” was his response. It was clear the employees loved him as they greeted us with hugs and smiles. When we got toward the end a young woman enthusiastically greeted him with a bear hug. He turned to me and said, “Fred, I want you to meet our daughter.” I immediately knew this man could have chosen to become bitter, but he became better – and so did everyone around him.

This week carefully consider: 1) When have I chosen to become better, not bitter? 2) How can I be an influence for forgiveness? 3) Where have I experienced the grace of another?

Words of Wisdom: “Some individuals are unfortunate enough to build their lives around a single hurtful episode, focusing on vengeance until it becomes an obsession.”

Wisdom from the Word : “Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 NET Bible)

Energized By Accomplishment

Weekly Thought – May 20, 2025

Fred aimed to be productive, helpful, and achievement oriented. He believed in “paying rent for the space he occupied” through contribution to those whose lives he touched.

Energized By Accomplishment

I have learned that if I end my day feeling beat, I probably didn’t accomplish much that is worthwhile. Accomplishment gives me such joy that it actually restores my energy. Activity, for its sake alone, is draining.

As I have gotten older, I find I am more selective, more thorough, more conscious of what I am trying to do. I learned that activity is not the mark of accomplishment. The more I can delegate tasks that are not uniquely mine, the more attention I can pay to those that are. Do you ever find yourself doing someone else’s work? Why? My friend who was head of a large international company once told me, “I am not going to pay them, and then do their work, as well.”

A leader may feel that he or she doesn’t have the luxury of only doing a few things well, but the principles still apply. I have run small organizations, and I have run large corporations. I have never been short of time because I believe I know how to prioritize. I keep for myself the things that only I can do and delegate the rest.

But many fall prey to the temptation to keep others dependent upon them in order to make themselves feel important. Others fight against feelings of guilt if they aren’t arriving first and leaving last. In the church the concept of “servant leadership” is quite popular. I do not believe that means the pastor should be cutting the yard and sweeping the floor in order to demonstrate leadership.

To follow the delegation model, it is critical to understand strengths. If a leader spends an inordinate amount of time trying to overcome weaknesses, the organization will suffer from anemic leaders. To do what only I could do meant I clearly understood and maximized my strengths.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I know my strengths? 2) What defines accomplishment for me? 3) When do I feel the true sense of operating effectively?

Words of Wisdom: “Activity for its sake alone is draining.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Give thanks to the LORD. Call on his name. Make known his accomplishments among the nations.” (Psalm 105:1 NET Bible)

Excellent Engineering

Brenda’s Blog – May 20, 2025

“Brenda, every curve on the road is engineered to be taken at the stated speed under normal conditions.”

I was sixteen, a new driver, and riding with my Dad through the mountains of North Carolina. He deserved much credit for his reserved response to my constant pumping of the brakes as we rounded the curves. It was easy to see he would not have driven the road the same way, but he knew it was important for me to learn to navigate the twists and turns.

I fell in love with driving at 16 and at 81 that love still thrives. In my cross country trips I often encounter challenging roads which remind me of Dad’s words. I may not take them like the race car driver he so wanted to be, nor like my friend Marianne who learned to drive on Germany’s Autobahn, but I don’t slam on my brakes and crawl, either.

Think about the application of this to life. The divine engineer has designed our journey knowing just who we are, what we need to learn, and the maturity which results from driving the curves. There are many times when I want to slam on the brakes saying, “This is too hard! This is beyond my abilities.” But then I remember Dad’s instruction and know there is nothing we face that is not within the stated speeds He has established. He is not unaware of the conditions. And critically important is the fact that He cares!

We are equipped by Him for the time in which we live. He chose these days for us. So, let’s drive in faith knowing the path is engineered to bring honor and glory to Him and fullness of life to us.

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