Making It Through

Brenda’s Blog – September 24, 2024

Have you been fighting hard to stay in control? Have you been grabbing at all of life’s handholds like career, family, image, apparent spirituality, legalistic discipline hoping that nobody will notice you as you catapult nearly head over heels into the slimy pit?

Stop right now. Don’t read another word. Cry and wait. He comes to each of us with an invitation for a personal experience with Psalm 40. Write your own paraphrase. Here is what I repeat constantly in these times whether emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, or relationally stuck. “I waited (and waited) for you Lord, as I struggled to free myself from the muck and the mire. I was stuck, but you heard me and turned to me. You reached out, pulled me up, put my feet solidly on a rock and put a new song in my mouth – a song of praise and thanksgiving to you. I will always be grateful to you! You are a great God!”

He will hear you and He will turn to you. Gloriously He will lift you out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. Isn’t that a breathtaking picture? Don’t you think of King Kong’s lifting up Fay Wray, Jessica Lange, or Naomi Watts (depending on your generation)? That picture of His all-powerful hand’s grasping me as I gasp for breath is both powerful and poignant. He showed me that in the “o’erwhelming flood” of the various seasons, He lovingly confined me. But He never left me.

I praised Him and many have come to see, fear, and trust in the Lord as they understand their own confinements are divine. Many experience the release that comes in knowing others, too, are sharing similar confinements. Grace abounds.

I hope you are sharing in this rejoicing. If you are boxed in right now, pause to reflect and capture the essence of the statement: “Yes, I am confined but because it is by the Hand of God, it is Divine Confinement.” And this same Hand of God which confines engages us in the next step: Divine Refinement. I want to talk about that with you in coming months. Wait patiently for Him trusting in His goodness.

The Discipline of Relationships

Weekly Thought – September 24, 2024

Fred considered a disciplined life key to maturity and health. In his book Leading With Integrity, written for Christian pastors and ministry leaders he noted eight disciplines. The Discipline of Relationships outlines three elements. The ideas are transferable and translatable to all in leadership.

The Discipline of Relationships

Relationships are obviously both the personal and professional concern of the leader.

1) Your relationship to yourself. Jean Paul Sartre was once quoted as saying, “If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in poor company.” I visited a magnificent home built in a remote part of the Colorado Rockies. It was so quiet you could hear the paint drying on the walls. I thought to myself, “Only a person at peace with himself could own a home like this.” In this kind of magnificent quiet you have time to be alone with yourself. And you would have to enjoy the company. You would have to be satisfied with the way you are growing. You could not have your external struggles (or even successes) filling up your internal being. To me, one of the tests of maturity is the ability to be alone and at peace with yourself.

2) Your relationship with other people. Am I increasingly able to spend time profitably with people who think differently? Immature individuals are uncomfortable with thinking, life experiences, and even faith positions. I am not advocating for the adoption of beliefs or lifestyles that are contrary to Biblical standards, but I am not afraid to engage in conversation with those who think differently. Too often, growth is stunted by requiring time be spent only with those who think exactly the same.

3) Your relationship with God. Is my relationship with God more natural, more intimate, more real? I have a friend who lost contact with God. The problem was explanation. He came to God with rationalization, not confession. He spent years trying to explain to God why he was doing what he was doing only to continue drawing away. Only when he stopped, declared “Mea culpa – I am guilty” did he find peace and reconciliation. A healthy relationship with God grows out of confession.

Relationship disciplines are inward (with ourselves); outward (with others); and upward (with God). Each demands consistent nurturing for healthy growth.

This week think about: 1) When I consider these three where do I need the most work? 2) How can I develop a plan for healthy living? 3) Who could benefit this week from these three relationships thoughts?

Words of Wisdom: “To me, one of the tests of maturity is the ability to be alone and at peace with yourself.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who loves discipline loves knowledge.” ( Proverbs 12:1 (a) NET Bible)

Time Killers

Weekly Thought – September 17, 2024

Fred masterfully grasped his priorities. He never bought into the busyness philosophy of executive life. Consequently, he accomplished his mission without adopting a frantic lifestyle. In writing about time he considered temptations that derailed effective living.

Time Killers

Sometimes we can outwit ourselves in the war for time. I’ve noticed three temptations that pull us aside.

1) Procrastination. If I ever get around to it, I am going to run for President of the National Procrastination Society. The problem is I just haven’t gotten around to it. An executive startled me once by saying he wasn’t taking his briefcase I asked why. “Well, I analyzed my work, and all day long I was sorting papers to take home at night. I found out I might as well just go ahead, make decision, and stop sorting papers.” A lot of procrastination is based on our fear of action. In Texas we have an apt expression for this: “fixin’ to.” Avoiding a wrong decision, or failure makes some assume the over preparer role. Exhaustion without results is a waste of time and energy.

2) Rationalization. Trying to prove to yourself you weren’t wrong kills time. I would be so much better to say, “I messed up.” As a speaker it is tempting to blame a bad speech on the crowd. But it wasn’t the fault of the audience; I just wasn’t on. How much easier and time saving that would be. Accepting full responsibility allows learning to occur. Shifting blame is a foolish exercise. Mary Alice and I often reminded the children “when you point your finger at someone else to take the blame you have four fingers pointing back at yourself.” Own the mistakes.

3) Indecision. I once knew an executive who had a sign on his desk: THE DEFINITE ANSWER IS MAYBE. He worked unbelievable hours. Instead of making decision he wandered around the office talking to people about the decision delaying and often falling into the pit of maybe. My mentor, Maxey Jarman once said to me, “Fred, many people can make good decisions, but they won’t.” I see this in those who don’t want to put their egos on the line.

Besides these three temptations let me mention two self-destructive tendencies:

1) Too many sick days. Whether through bad habits, avoiding responsibility, or a mistaken definition of self-care, sick days are costly for those wanting to be productive.

2) Financial problems. Failing to delay gratification and getting into debt are definite hindrances to full concentration.
Time management is a critical element of a healthy, productive life. Discipline and self-control are key factors.

This week seriously consider: 1) Which of the three temptations troubles me? 2) When do I fall into the self-destructive habits? 3) Who models healthy productivity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “In Texas we have an apt expression for procrastination: “fixin’to.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So he said to them, “Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray that you will not fall into temptation!”(Luke 22:46 NET Bible)

A440

Brenda’s Blog – September 10, 2024

“Your piano will never be perfectly tuned – it is too old, has traveled around too much, and has endured too many temperature changes.”

I took the tuner’s assessment very personally! The relationship between my piano and me defies definition. Except for college and a harrowing stint in a 10×48 trailer, my piano has been with me since 1951. Purchased by my parents in my 8th years it enables me to express my love for music, my emotional experiences, and my spiritual gift of encouragement.

Therefore, with great sadness I listened to the tuner’s assessment of my piano’s condition. The international concert pitch of A440 was never again to resound from my road weary Acrosonic. The “high sound” for which this instrument was named would always be slightly out of tune. In Brazil there is a moment each morning when all programming is interrupted so that the A440 frequency is sounded enabling all musicians to tune their instruments. During my high school band days my dear and venerated director William Fenton, would lift his hand signaling the oboe to “sound a concert A.” W then more (and often less) adjusted our instruments to match that vibration. Mr. Fenton walked around the room listening carefully in his strict military stance. We sat with our own backs straight, attempting correct diaphragmatic breathing, and hoping against hope we had matched the tone before his sharp ear leaned into our sound waves.

“I think we could do a series of tunings and get it close to standard.” That meant time and money! But could I offer anything less to this cherished friend? Three tunings later its voice was socially acceptable. Will the Lord offer anything less to us? It may take some serious tunings, but He does not hesitate to bring us to standard. The Bible calls this being conformed to the image of His own dear Son.

After years of God’s refinement I want my heart to be attuned to Him. A miniature tuning fork sitting on my brother’s desk reminds him that his goal is to be in tune with God’s leading in his life. Isn’t that terrific? It should help us recall the refinement process, as well.

Our growth is not relative – we don’t depend on the humanly produced concert A as our lives are adjusted for His usefulness. The heavenly A440 resonates with clarity and purity, setting the standard. But we cannot get there through our own efforts. We are all out of tune until God draws us to Himself through the completed work of Jesus on the cross. When He said, “It is finished,” the tuning fork was perfectly calibrated. A world that warbled badly was now brought into harmony through the perfect and acceptable sacrifice of Jesus.

Joyfully, the Master Tuner strikes the forks in our hearts and then adjusts the string to be in concert with His resonance and vibration. He takes lives that are too well traveled, too greatly influenced by the temperature of the world, too haphazardly moved from place to place, and too often ignored and brings them into harmonic congruence with Himself. And then, like any good tuner, he regularly makes adjustments knowing that our imperfect environment works to loosen the strings and skew the sound.

Leading Deep

Weekly Thought – September 10, 2024

Fred wanted his tombstone to read “He Stretched Others.” (And it does!) Strong leaders always developed others. They understood that personal and organizational growth always depended on the healthy stretching of others.

Leading Deep

While leaders at the top are evident and visible, leadership must be exerted all through an organization. That is why Jethro told son in law Moses to divide the responsibilities and authority required to manage over one million people. Moses wisely accepted and implemented the counsel instituting an effective delegation system which is still used in management today.

In any well-run organization, multiple layers of leadership must exist. There must be top management and a strong level of developing men and women. An organization cannot thrive ( or even survive) without bench strength. Moses gives us another example as he asked others to hold up his arms as he prayed for the people. He was not strong enough to sustain the physical strain. Anyone who tries to accomplish as a solo act will eventually fail.

Leadership is more than personality; it is character. To know that accomplishment requires synergy and teamwork is a sign of wisdom and ego control. One key of vision is understanding the effect of achieving minor goals in order to accomplish the major aim. To get distracted on the way to achieving the preliminary steps threatens the entire project. Having capable associates shows not only leadership acumen, but strong character. Keeping the focus on the main thing requires a team.

When one leads as part of an effective team it gives opportunity to share accomplishment. How satisfying it is to say to everyone, “Well done – we worked hard and got it done. We did it together.” Working in an environment like that is greatly preferred to one in which the “boss” wants all the credit. When the limelight only has room for one, the organization is in trouble. It can’t be all about just one.
One of the toughest bandmasters I ever knew was an Army vet named William Fenton. I can still hear him hollering at a quivering trumpet player “You can’t play like that and play in this band. This is a championship band!” Fenton didn’t emphasize his reputation, his ego, or even his personal displeasure. He emphasized the student’s contribution to the organization and the part he played in the quality of the organization. They worked for the group. His character, discipline, and produced champions. And when they won (which they did often) he celebrated with them.

This week think about: 1) How effective am I in developing others, including career, family, and community? 2) What does stretching others mean to me? 3) Who should I thank for developing my leadership skills?

Words of Wisdom: “Having capable associates shows not only leadership acumen, but strong character.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But you choose from the people capable men, God-fearing men -men of truth, those who hate bribes and put them over the people as rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.” (Exodus 18:21 NET Bible Jethro to Moses)

An Eye on the Destination

Weekly Thought – September 3, 2024

Fred appreciated strong leaders. He understood the high cost and what it took to lead well. Many came to him as a sounding board knowing they could trust him, his skills, and his unquestionable integrity.

An Eye on the Destination

A leader should never try to lead without first being captivated by a vision. Paul never lost the vision of his divine appointment to be an apostle to the gentiles.

Intensity must always have focus, of course. If you are intense about the wrong things people will lose respect, think you are neurotic, and certainly cease to follow. In Christian work too many buy into the romantic notion of “Never attempt anything that isn’t too big for you, so you can be sure God has to do it.” I am convinced it is much better to tackle those things He gives that are at hand and doable.

Seldom does an unknown person win an Olympic goal medal. Seldom does a no-name catapult into a place of leadership. In fact, scripture warns against putting novices into leadership positions. Taking the inexperienced and thrusting them into big dreams and visions without seasoning often ends up unhappily. Leaders are grown- they accrete. That word is one of my favorites because it carries the sense of gradually adding layers to create increase. For me, that is an appropriate visual. Leadership requires experience and emotional control. It demands the ability to persuade, and the ability to solve problems. These skills take time.

After being named an officer at Principal Financial Group our daughter left a high level meeting impressed with the SVP’s handling of a problem. She went to his office and thanked him for this effective illustration. “I have seen that same problem in multiple variations for 20 years. After awhile you identity the core problem and know how to attack it. It just takes time and experience.”

The vision we pursue must be worthy. It must make the effort seem like a good investment. Those asked to do the work must say, “What I am doing is worth the cost.” A strong visionary sees beyond the odds. They must be able to see how they can change the odds. If not, failure is on the horizon.

Goals may not be reached in one lifetime. Sometimes we leaders have to realize we are laying foundations. We can’t get dissatisfied with the slow work. It requires a certain patience. In effective leadership our ego must be subservient to the vision.

This week carefully consider: 1) What is my core vision right now? 2) How do my visions for work, family, community work together?3) Who models leading through healthy visioning for me?

Words of Wisdom: “A leader must never attempt to lead without being captivated by a vision.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)