Rights versus Responsibilities

Weekly Thought – February 28, 2023

Fred clearly differentiated between rights and responsibilities. He saw asserted rights taking people apart while his visual for responsibilities was lamination which pulled pieces together into one, making it stronger. He viewed operating from “it’s my right” position a sign of immaturity. Maturity and strong character lived with a sense of responsibility.

Rights versus Responsibilities

As a leader I have the responsibility for certain tasks and I must take an active role for execution. In fact, sometimes I will take the same action for results from a responsibility position as could be taken as a matter of rights. What is the difference? Motive and maturity. Responsibility has a selfless tone to it while rights carry a selfishness. This shows up in the attitude.

For example, the players in the huddle may be a scene of discussion – even disagreement- but when it comes to the call the quarterback makes the decision. Why? Because it is his responsibility, not because it is his right to do so.

We hear a lot about human rights. This was not the great gift of America it was a matter of human responsibilities. Often we speak about the success of the “American experiment” because it provided freedom. I don’t think so. I am convinced it was the first time in human history that freedom and a sense of responsibility came together simultaneously. Freedom was the environment and responsibility was the operational attitude. That is what gave us our enormous productivity.

The belief that God gave everyone a talent and one day we would account for its use was foundational.

These two concepts will always be in tension, but responsibility should be the primary motivator while rights take the secondary place. When I look at my responses to situations I find that generally I am more concerned about my rights when I feel that someone is taking advantage of it – when someone’s playing me for a sucker. That is unpleasant (to say the least) for me. In those situations I have a responsibility to behave maturely, but exercise my responsibility to not be played. Mahatma Gandhi was not exercising his rights as much as he was emphasizing his responsibility to create a society built on righteousness.

Motive, again, is the key. Generally, rights are about getting; responsibilities about giving.

This week think about: 1) When do I operate from rights rather than responsibilities? 2) How can I measure my attitude in tense situations? 3) What standards am I using to assess my maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced it was the first time in human history that freedom and a sense of responsibility came together simultaneously. Freedom was the environment and responsibility was the operational attitude.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Aaron and his sons will go in and appoint each man to his service and his responsibility. (Numbers 4:19 NET Bible)

Keep On!

Brenda’s Blog – February 21, 2023

During a major life transition I joined a fine insurance company, led by an outstanding General Agent. He gave me tremendous opportunities for training, back room resources, and advanced studies. I tested well and built relationships with a high trust quotient. On paper I looked like a good fit as an insurance professional.

HOWEVER, as much as I loved meeting the potential clients, listening to their goals, and working for creative solutions, asking for money to create a contract was almost impossible for me. The problem with that was simple: insurance sales is a commission only business. Without selling policies all my other skills were of little value.

On the way to see a professional woman to talk about a non-qualified retirement plan using life insurance I felt the heaviness of being a single Mom, struggling to pay bills and rebuilt a life blown apart by divorce. I truly wanted to hide. The light turned red and I stopped, breathing deeply. I looked around and a house on a corner lot was for sale. The realtor’s picture and name was emblazoned across the marketing sign. BRENDA GOFORTH was her name. Yes, that truly was her name.

The tension broke, I laughed out loud, thanked the Lord, and went forth to the appointment.

A few years later I found my niche – management. I studied and received two professional designations, moved to the home office of my company, and served as an officer and regional director.

But thinking of sitting at that red light continues to encourage me. God uses even realtor’s for sale signs to keep us going. Are you discouraged, afraid, uncertain? God is there and speaking into your life. He wants us to walk in hope, looking for ways to bring blessing. He knows when the days are dark and he can reach into our world to give strength. Each of us can trust Him to tell us to “goforth!”

The Graciousness of Grace

Weekly Thought – February 21, 2023

Fred understood practical Christianity. He knew the faith-based life required discipline and practice. Although he acknowledged the continuing presence of the Spirit he supported the principles of growing in grace to maturity in Christ.

The Graciousness of Grace

Grace is unmerited favor and graciousness is the natural outgrowth.

We want to be people who cover the falls of other with love, put away judgment on others’ mistakes, and are known for encouragement, not disparagement.

These attitudes and actions are developed until they are the reflex. At first we must consciously choose to respond. The goal is for it to be automatic, but it requires discipline, practice, and prayer. We won’t naturally be people of grace.

What if I met the housekeeper for Jascha Heifetz and began a conversation. How stunned I would be if she blurted out, “He is a phony!” I would ask, “What do you mean, a phony?” “You just see him on the stage in concerts, but I see him at home. It looks so easy when he is performing, but I know better. He doesn’t play at home like he does in the concert hall – not at all. He plays with music, and spends hours going over and over the same notes. It sounds like work, not like the concert. If you saw him at home you would see he shows one person at home and another on stage.” Wouldn’t we want to say to her, “That practice is why he makes it looks so effortless on stage. He is certainly talented, but the greatness is in the practice.”

When we see Christians who show grace with such poise it seems like they were just born like that, doesn’t it? If you get to know them you will see years of practice. You will see Bible study, hours with other mature Christians, and prayer. They wanted to grow in grace and knew it didn’t come without the conscious decision and commitment to maturity.

Because of our fallen nature and our broken world graciousness needs to be practiced diligently with systematic consistently. We don’t wake up one morning and automatically become gracious – it comes with a decision and a cost.

When I was young I thought of qualities I wanted in my life. Graciousness was one. I thought of a man who personified it, so I asked for his photograph. I framed it, wrote “Gracious” on the picture and hung it on my wall. It was a reminder of what graciousness looked like in real life.

This week think about: 1) Who exemplifies graciousness to me? 2) How am I preparing to reflect grace? 3) What qualities do I want in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We don’t wake up one morning and automatically become gracious – it comes with a decision and a cost.”

Wisdom from the Word: “(May) The LORD make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; (Numbers 6:25 NET Bible)

Way to the Will

Weekly Thought – February 14, 2023

Fred answered questions with questions. Long before consultants helped corporations train their employees to find “the question behind the question” Fred mentored through his querying style. One of the questions most frequently asked of him was “How can I know what to do with my life?” This week’s excerpt from an interview gives insight into the answering through questioning process.

Way to the Will

A young man came to talk about one of his fears: not living up to his potential. He wanted to talk about finding his path in order to maximize his talents, skills, and gifts. Here is a recap of our conversation.

“When you say fulfilling your potential, there’s no way all of us can do everything that we are capable of doing. The human being has the capacity to do far more than we will ever have the time or energy to complete. This shortfall is why it is critical to have a vision for our lives. That is why we have a focus.

We need to look at all our opportunities and decide where my greatest contribution is to be made.

You, like other young people, often say “What can of job should I get?” I never say “find the one that pays the most money.” Let me ask you a few questions:

1)What do you do with the greatest ease?
2) What do you feel good when you do it?
3) How can you make the greatest contribution to others?
4) What subject do you learn with the least difficulty?
5) When you aren’t thinking about anything specifically where does your mind wander?
6) Where does your mind live?
7) What gives you pleasure?”

After introducing these questions (especially the final two) I always wait a moment because young men will invariably make a funny (even silly) remark. I laugh, so they laugh. If I don’t share the humor they will close up and the conversation won’t continue.

When we get through that successfully they usually continue with “This is what I feel has meaning. This is what I do best. This is what my friends tell me I do well.” Getting to this point is the beginning of a healthy, substantive time.
I do not assume the role of guru; my goal is to stretch them. They will find the way to God’s will by asking questions. Asking them question they want to answer opens the door.

This week think about: 1) What questions am I asking myself? 2) How can I be helpful to others who are thinking about purpose? 3) Who models question-asking for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I do not assume the role of guru; my goal is to stretch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “While the Pharisees were assembled, Jesus asked them a question:” (Matthew 22:41 NET Bible)

Semantic Shift

Brenda’s Blog – February 7, 2023

“Words change their meaning over a period of time – some become more gentler; others more crude.”

We talk about cultural shifts, tectonic shifts, and attitude shifts meaning the move from one position to another. Etymologists point to word origin, usage, and transitions over historical periods. In 2021 the editors of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary added 455 words including “flutter-nutter” which is a sandwich of peanut butter and marshmallow spread on bread. Another common example is “Amirite”- the derivative of Am I Right? And of course the universally used “YEET” which means to hurl or throw.

Growing up my Dad loved thinking he was “with it” by adopting what he thought was the teenage vernacular. However, when he landed on a phrase he wore it out, using it years after it was dead and buried. His favorite was “ooky gooky.” I was with my daughter and another friend the other day. They started talking about their teenagers by exchanging slang words (none of which I had ever heard!) And the rule of cultural confusion still exists. That is, if you used to say something was “bad “it was good. Or “crazy” meant unusual or surprising, but not insane. Strangely enough, the dictionary states “cool” is considered the most American of all slang words. It began in the 1930s to comment on fashion. It comes and goes, but manages to resurface – it is the phoenix of phonetics.

A good friend has an aged, World War 1 era scrapbook which belonged to his grandmother. The bold words on the cover say “Men Who Made Love To Me.” Understandably I was shocked (and then amused) as I turned the pages. It was page after page of letters from men she wrote while they were in foreign countries as servicemen. She lived in a small, Texas town where the troop trains stopped on their way to the coast. She greeted them, gave them snacks, and promised to write. For the entire duration she wrote dozens (perhaps hundreds) of servicemen… many of whom fell in love with this young West Texas lovely who faithfully wrote. The letters were a living history of the war, of their homesickness, and their desire to be back with family. In the finest sense of the word they did speak love to her… and she to them.

The Greeks had five separate words for “love” because one was inadequate for description. Christian love became known as agape denoting service, sacrifice, and the sacred. Western linguistics lumps everything from the erotic to the adoration for God into one word. Interestingly, our language does morph – the semantic shift does occur, but all cultures maintain a way of communicating the connection between people. One of the oldest of all words in human language is Mother which is considered to be 15,000 years old. The more our verbal expression changes, the more we seek to speak of fundamental human relationships and emotions.

Understanding Perspective

Weekly Thought – February 7, 2023

Fred curated ideas, words, and wisdom for the benefit of others, as well as his own personal growth. When talking with him he pulled from his vast memory, pulling out the right story, illustration, or quote to perfectly suit the conversation. Many people came to see him equipped with pad and paper knowing there would be helpful “Fred Saids.”

Understanding Perspective

Just before Mary Alice and I left for a Colorado summer a young man called wanting to come by the office. He had lost everything (about 20 million in 1990 dollars). I walked over to my wall, pulled down a plaque and handed it to him. “The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything.” The backstory is as helpful as those eleven words.

A good friend was an old school oil man. His wife lovingly called him D.H. for Dry Hole as he carried a reputation for a record string of unproductive drills. One night with them he was bemoaning another one when his wife came to the dinner table with the plaque bearing those words. She prefaced it with, “Just move over and drill again.” Her down to earth encouragement on this plaque hung on my office wall to remind me, as well. That day, the young man needed the words so I passed them on.

I met a bright young high achiever when he was in college. He was named Outstanding Young Man by the Texas Junior Chamber of Commerce, rose in his career like riding on a rocket, and saw year after year of success. Now he sat in my office having filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. We talked and as I heard him talk about the situation I listened. At the appropriate time I gave him one of my favorite quotes for troubled times – one I had used myself in those episodes of failure. “Only your plans have failed; you have not.”

“Fred, I needed that. Would you repeat it for me?” I did so as he wrote it down. “Thanks, this was the right time for you to say that to me.”

In Colorado we stayed with friends high in the mountains. Each morning as I stood outside I thought about these and other young men I knew who were climbing mountains. Then I began considering the pitons which the climbers use, driving into crevices to loop their ropes and create a hand hold. The words I shared with them might be classified as cliches, but I prefer to see them as pitons for the climb.

When I was 19 or 20 a traveling evangelist gave me his paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift that God has given you, and use it. You will stand before great men.” Many times it became a piton for my climb. One of my daughters lettered this for me and it now hangs on my office wall to give me a hand hold for my rope.

This week carefully consider: 1) What words have I been given to strengthen in troubled times? 2) What words have I shared with others to encourage them? 3) How can scripture assist me in my climb?

Words of Wisdom: “Only your plans have failed; you have not.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage – I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33 NET Bible)