Fruitful Mentoring

Weekly Thought – January 18,2022

Fred knew at an early age he wanted to stretch others. He understood the value of being mentored even though that word wasn’t in the current vernacular in mid-century America. His thoughts on the subject stretch others even 15 years after his trip to heaven.

Fruitful Mentoring

In a healthy mentoring relationship all the cards are put on the table. For that to occur, there must be trust between the two. I am careful to keep confidential anything that is shared with me. I once said I will die holding in confidence years of stories and private conversations. I consider it a privilege and great responsibility to be given that level of trust.

Though I have been mentoring for over forty years, I have never successfully improved anyone’s character – nor have I endeavored to do so. I am convinced the only way to improve character in adults is a spiritual experience. Sophisticated individuals may learn to mask or hide their flaws, but under pressure their character will fail… usually when they can least afford this failure. Dishonesty, laziness, anger, greed, selfishness, and lack of cooperation – all are examples of character flaws.

Another critical aspect of healthy growth is climbing and plateauing. We progress by climbing and then plateauing for assimilation… and repeating this process over and over. Sadly some reach a permanent plateau, seduced by comfort and routine. It is the mentor’s responsibility to see in the mentoree potential unseen by the individual, then motivating the process repeatedly until full talent and potential are realized.

Assisting in the Identification and development of what I call a person’s uniqueness is the clear responsibility of a mentor. Beyond that is the instruction in the joy of accomplishment. I learned this from my mentor, Maxey Jarman. Whenever I get low I immediately start to do something that I feel will be worthwhile. The joy of living returns.

The great operatic star Beverly Sills personified this attitude. One afternoon at a cocktail party held in her apartment one guest said, “We better leave, Beverly has to sing tonight. She protested, “No, I don’t have to sing tonight – I GET to sing!”
I want the mentoree to understand he has control. Sometimes it becomes nonproductive and needs to end. I never question why. Sometimes it becomes unproductive and it needs to end; I accept this as normal.

Mutual respect is crucial. I have never had any success helping anyone I did not respect. I have tried before, but it always failed miserably.

As a young man I recognized my life’s theme was going to be stretching. In fact, I have asked my family to engrave my headstone “He stretched others.” Mentoring has been an effective way of living out that desire.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my mentors? 2) What are areas of needed character development?3) What is my uniqueness?

Words of Wisdom: “Character flaws cannot be changed by mentoring – only by a spiritual experience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Decision Time

Brenda’s Blog – January 11, 2021

“HALT!”

Jack Turpin’s open to his Sunday School lesson got our attention. He continued: “Don’t ever make a life altering decision if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” That was twenty-five years ago and it is still vividly imprinted on my mind.

Little did I know how often I would repeat that command to myself. Even more valuable were the numerous opportunities I had in my management career to pass along the admonition to others. During a particularly difficult time I shared my frustration with a fellow HALTer. As I expressed the desire to walk away he stopped me with an upraised hand in my face followed by “Brenda, HALT!!” That was just what I needed to clear my mind and reset the decision process.

Rarely am I ever truly hungry – we are a culture blessed with abundance. But diverting my work energy and making my way to a Snickers candy bar can reduce my wise decision skills!

Angry is a tough one. Depression is often described as anger turned inward. Decisions made with black clouds hanging overhead are often destructive. The Bible tells us to never let the sun go down on our anger. How wise!

Jack Turpin, the wise mentor, and my Dad were dear friends. At one point when Dad was seriously declining, Jack came to sit by Dad’s bed. Two years earlier he suffered the painful loss of his precious wife. As I walked him to the hospital elevator we talked about HALT. “L is the worst, isn’t it?” I nodded in total agreement. It is a challenge to avoid flawed decisions when we are covered by loneliness.

And tired – oh, how I know the cost of making a last minute, little thought decision because I was weary. A good friend once counseled me to delay any critical projects until mornings. “You will always do better putting the work away and starting in the morning. Staying up all night will just deter the successful completion. You aren’t helping yourself by pushing beyond tired.”

Try it – focus yourself on the discipline to check your attitude and condition before making a life altering decision. It will pay off.

Fruit Inspectors

Weekly Thought – January 11, 2022

Fred served as a mentor to many young men he met during Religious Emphasis Weeks on Southern Baptist college campuses. These men created lifelong friendships with mutual benefit. As they grew Fred enjoyed experiencing their maturity. One of them was Howard Butt, businessman, philanthropist, and Christian evangelist. Howard encouraged Christians to be “fruit inspectors,” not judges of others. In this role he looked for fruit of the Spirit leaving the judging of salvation to God.

Fruit Inspectors

Intolerance has become society’s unforgivable sin. Tolerance is attractive to our society because it is permissive. It is pleasant because it doesn’t require hard thinking. It is non-confrontational. Our society has lost the willingness to confront error in search of truth. We have created a virtue out of weakness and bought into sin. As usual, sin gives the benefit first, and extracts the price later.

I am convinced the way in which society now practices tolerance is a manufactured value that, when practiced to excess, will ultimately prove harmful. This doesn’t mean we are called to be judges of others. Oswald Chambers tells us that we are not to see the wrong in others in order that we might criticize them, but that we might intercede for them.

When we accept tolerance as our rule, we deny discernment as a spiritual value and gift. Discernment is not given to us so we can criticize but so we can coach; it is not given to us to point out weakness, but to help build up strength and avoid error.
Howard Butt, Jr. founder of Laity Lodge and a lay minister, preached a great sermon in his early years, proclaiming Christians to be fruit inspectors rather than judges. We are told in scripture “By their fruit you will know them.” It is one thing to recognize fruit and a totally different thing to be a judge. Fruit inspection is our job; judging is God’s.

Our fruit inspection must always be according to the principles of Scripture. It is the authority under which both we and the person observed exist. When a man or woman holds up the Bible and says, “Thus says the Lord,” it is not pronouncing personal judgment, but God’s. When any of us do this we are the reporter, not the author.

Another reason for fruit inspection is that in seeing sin in others we see our own and seek correction. We are called to discernment, not tolerance. We are to lead with an attitude of self-assessment while examining the quality of fruit. Maturity leads us to a clearer understanding of the subtle differences in our attitudes. But tolerance is not an option for mature Christians.

This week think about: 1) How uncomfortable am I with Biblically based intolerance? 2) What standard am I using for fruit inspection in others and myself? 3) Who models discernment for me?

Words of Wisdom: “When a man or woman holds up the Bible and says, ‘Thus says the Lord,’ it is not pronouncing personal judgment, but God’s… we are the reporter, not the author.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects – bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God,” (Colossians 1:10 NET Bible)

Personification of Greatness

Weekly Thought – January 4, 2022

Fred believed in heroes and their role in a successful personal network, as well as professional sphere. In his book, You and Your Network he devotes one chapter to the importance of them. This is a peek into his thinking on the subject. Happy 2022 to all. May you be stretched and blessed during this year.

Personification of Greatness

Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes. As I give examples remember they are illustrations, not recommendations. They draw a picture for me. I have chosen each for an outstanding trait which would ennoble my own life as I emulate a particular characteristic.

1) The apostle Paul: total dedication. He went through Oswald Chambers’ term “the white funeral in which he died to himself long before the “black funeral” which is physical death. He is one of the few men I feel I know just from studying him. He made up his mind and found his magnificent obsession, his lodestar, and the race that was his to run.

2) Gandhi: sacrificial unselfishness. He found a love for his people who deserved justice. The spark of greatness was ignited when he was thrown off an Indian train in a racial incident. It was a galvanizing event. He represents the desire to sacrifice and be subservient to something bigger than we are. He believed he could influence change. To me, he personifies the values needed to find answers, not just ask questions.

3) Abraham Lincoln: strength and gentleness. He did his duty as he saw it, even though it tore his heart in two as he did it. I don’t think he appears to possess a superior gift, but a superior spirit that matched his opportunity. He represented flexibility without changing course or values. He lacked personal happiness, but had abiding joy.

4) Albert Einstein: humility. Few people choose him because we rarely choose a hero who is so far above us that we cannot identify with them. Einstein is one of my heroes, not for his intellect, but for his humility. His was a natural state, not acquired or disciplined. Einstein seemed to be devoid of arrogance, self-centeredness, and conceit – for these ignoble trait had been replaced by a mental and spiritual temper which let him see his ignorance much more than his knowledge – and is gratitude far beyond his rights.

5) Leonardo DaVinci: principle-based thinking. His broad perspective didn’t drive him to mount campaigns to change life. He was relaxed to see it as it was. He understood the unifying themes of life: science, art, music, mathematics, or philosophy- they were all facets of life experience with man as the hub. Because he understood principles his mind could range indefinitely, creating sketchy ideas of such magnitude that it would take hundreds of years before they were usefully adapted. To me, he is an intellectual hero. His serenity is a personal reproach to our hurry, scurry, activist culture. He helps me remember I am a small dot in a very big picture – God’s eternal universe.

6) Abraham: vision and faith. He was willing to risk all on the unseen, transcendent God. He went out not knowing where he was going, but trusted the direction of God. He ventured into the unknown because the known was his reality. He obeyed and moved beyond the expected. Without vision we settle on too low a plateau. Without vision and faith we never experience more than the mundane.

7) Edison: persistence and perseverance. Edison is a practical hero. Each failure showed him something that didn’t work and didn’t disturb his intentional efforts to find one that did. There are times in our lives when we need someone to personify the will to survive, the refusal to give up.

8) Ben Hogan: consistency. He paid the price. While he is recognized for his tenacity and coming back after an accident and overcoming handicaps. He was willing to consistently study the golf swing until he could make it repeatable. He personified the secret of good golf.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my heroes? 2) What characteristics are important for personification? 3) How can I more carefully study the development of heroes?

Words of Wisdom: “Heroes personify characteristics needed for successful living.”

Wisdom from the Word: “His acts are characterized by faithfulness and justice; all his precepts are reliable.” (Psalm 111:7 NET Bible)

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