Book Shelf

Weekly Thought – January 21, 2020

Fred told people he read selectively. He chose topics and authors carefully. This week’s message is an answer to the question, “What book has most significantly influenced you?” This response was written in 1983. Several other authors became favorites, but Oswald Chambers never lost his prominent place.

Please pray for BWFLI as we craft an in-depth mentoring program for use in 2020.

Book Shelf

I find no difficulty in naming my most significant book. It is My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers. This book has influenced my thinking and convictions more than any other book authored by man.

In December 1955 Grant and Orean Howard of Phoenix gave Mary Alice and me our first copy, thereby starting a chain of gifting that continues to this day. My friend and mentor Maxey Jarman wrote me in 1975: “I’ll always be grateful for the introduction you gave me to Oswald Chambers.” We plant seeds when we give vital books. After all these years we are seeing a fruitful and delightful harvest among our friends who read right along with us.

His thinking has become part of my reflexive thought. I quote him often both as an authority and the author of a shared experience he first coagulated for me. He has taken up residence in my mind.

Let me illustrate with five thoughts that continue to shape my attitude toward life which come from Chambers:

1) “Sit loose to things.” I recently received a phone call which informed me of a significant financial loss. I was able to think “sit loose…” I told myself “enjoy them, work for them, use them, but sit loose to them.”

2) “Lust says ‘I must have it now.’” Lust is often a matter of timing rather than possession. Psychiatrists tell us the most common evidence of American immaturity if the inability to delay gratification. Even in our emotions we refuse to take the long term vies. We hurry up to fill up our emotional valleys and holes with poor substitutes. We want relief NOW! Chambers showed me lust is much broader than I originally thought. It is refusing the normal rhythm of life, and failing to mature in it.

3) “So often we sharpen a verse of scripture and jab another with it.” I see too many who know chapter and verse, using it to intimidate the less instructed. Sadly, it is possible to sign most statements of faith and then live with an unloving attitude, injuring one another.

4) “We will not stand in large matters if we fail in smaller ones.” He constantly attacks my spiritual arrogance by pointing this out. It is easy to think we would be true and courageous in the weighty matters when in truth we are making exceptions for ourselves in smaller ones.

5) “The white funeral.” He calls us to truly die to self before we go through the black funeral of physical death. Too many of us have not completely died and been through the “white funeral.” Out of this experience comes the complete resurrected life, unhampered by the problems of human ego and self-righteousness. Dying to self and living in Christ gives life meaning.
I am happy to recommend the thinking and writing of My Utmost For His Highest. It is not entertaining, nor even exciting. It is compelling.

This week carefully consider: 1) What book has significantly influenced me? 2) How good am I about giving books to others? 3) Which of these life lessons strikes a chord with me?

Words of Wisdom: “His thinking has become part of my reflexive thought… He has taken up residence in my mind.”

Wisdom from the Word: “It must be with him constantly, and he must read it as long as he lives, so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and observe all the words of this law and these statutes and carry them out.” (Deuteronomy 17:19 NET Bible)

Time Passes By

“When we did that I knew we were old.”

My son in law told me of standing over the newly purchased washer mesmerized, watching through the acrylic lid as the clothes agitated. They paused, laughed, and knew they weren’t 25 year olds anymore.

I love to ask people when they first realized they were aging. Top of the list is usually, “When a young person called me ma’am or sir.” That is a startling rite (or wrong) of passage. Or, how about being given the senior discount without asking!

Last week my daughter and son in law hosted a dinner at my house. I proudly presented a stack of Christmas CDs after digging through many boxes. She graciously ignored my efforts as she quietly said, “Alexa, play Christmas music!” YIKES!

At church last night an energetic young staffer conversed with two of the deacons. “I retired in 2001.” Quickly, the youth worker responded, “I graduated from high school in 2001.” “Wow! That makes me feel old was the deacon’s response.”

Those are outward evidences we have turned more calendar pages than most, but “feeling old” is not the same as chronological age. “How old do you feel?” is a question I enjoy asking my 65+ friends. Rarely do I hear someone response “I feel every day of my 70 years.” Or, “I feel ten years older than my age.” Quite the contrary. Most of us put a pin at a point 5 to 10 years younger than the sundial reads.
Dad used to say, “I cannot stop getting older, but I can certainly refuse to get old.”

We can be told by the culture we aren’t riding in the fast lane, but we aren’t being flagged off the course quite yet.

Psalm 71 records David’s request for years enough to tell the next generation about the strength, mighty acts, and greatness of God. He didn’t ask for years of idleness, or total leisure. He sought time to speak to the next generation. We aren’t finished – we are still in the race with a clear purpose.

Okay, when I am told “nobody carries sacred sheet music anymore,” I can smile remembering the delightful hours of exploring music stores, but recognizing “time marches on.” When a kind person offers an arm when walking up a hill, I can accept the help knowing there is an agile young woman inside who is enjoying the assistance.

Aging is a privilege. At age 85 Caleb asked God for years to conquer a mountain in the Promised Land. Let’s carefully consider our requests. What is your mountain? What is your testimony to the next generation? The world may look askance at us, but little do they know what lies behind that gray hair!

Mutuality

Weekly Thought – January 14, 2020

Fred valued friendship, enjoying several relationships for a lifetime. His ability to keep confidences, offer wisdom, and enjoy experiences deepened friendships. The hallmark of relationship management is his keystone phrase: “Friendship is mutual.”

BWFLI further deepens our relationship with students this year, producing a series of sessions for a small group of students nominated by their school administrators and faculty. These will feature two team members focusing on one student, developing a serious relationship. We will strengthen their understanding of mentoring, networking, and perseverance.

Mutuality

Mutuality is the heart of relations. We invest interest, time, energy, and love in others. If the relationship is healthy, we receive as well as give. Without mutuality health doesn’t exist, nor can it grow.

Exchange is a better word than share. Where one does all the giving and the other takes all, the relationship will be flawed, and in most cases will be short-lived.

Mutuality is pragmatic. The first time I heard someone observe about the efficacy of mutuality I felt that the statement and the observer were cynical. But as I watched for this, I realized all parties must get something valuable from the relationship, or it will die. We must be motivated by the desire to give and if our motivation is to give more than we receive, health increases.

Not only must the benefits balance, but also the spirit of mutuality.

This cannot be formulaic or it eventually fails. When approached by the Philippian jailer with the question, “What must I do to be saved?” Peter answered with “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” A current phrase reflects this: “Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship.”

Relations must be planned, and well maintained, if they are to flourish. Like floral designs, they must be arranged harmoniously, artfully, and synergistically with each unique flower relating to the others. Some friends must be enjoyed only in one environment. For example, they may be great bridge partners or fellow vacationers, but are not transferable to other environments. Others take a long time to develop and bloom, yet resemble the cactus which can survive contrary conditions.

A very few friends are for all seasons but most of our acquaintances are for particular times. We must consider each relation, knowing how best they fit into the arrangement. Our oldest granddaughter has a friend who said to her, “I have friends when I am serious and sad. You are my friend I laugh with.”

Those who would refute mutuality as the basis for long-lasting relationships quote John 3:16 to me. I feel this is proof of mutuality, not refutation. God created man to have a relationship with Him. The relationship is mutual in that communion is God giving His best to us and our yearning to give back to Him everything we have. The real proof: God wanted that fellowship so much that to redeem the broken world, fallen by sin, God sent Jesus Christ to restore the relationship. Man is precious to God.

This week think about: 1) How purposeful am I about developing healthy relationships? 2) What value do I bring to my friendships? 3) Who teaches me about the true meaning of mutuality?

Words of Wisdom: “Not only must the benefits balance, but also the spirit of mutuality.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.” (1 Corinthians 1:30 NET Bible)

Getting Our Heads Together

Weekly Thought – January 7, 2020

Fred, in his thinking on maturity, spoke and wrote about mental health. He once said, “I give a testimony rather than a medical thesis about mental health.” He used his own perspective as a traveler, not a theoretician.

Plans for 2020 begin with conversations among team members about goals for the year and campus activity. For the next two years we will be drilling down deeper with conversations among selected students and BWFLI teams. It is interesting to see the focus go from contact with 1000s to concentrated attention to 10s. The broad brush approach certainly introduced us, but the almost one on one interaction and engagement allows us to bring Fred’s principles into closer focus. THANK YOU for your participation with us through team membership, prayer, words of encouragement, and financial support. The work goes on and we eagerly anticipate 2020.

Getting Our Heads Together

Our desire for mental health is at the heart of the matter. Christ, at the pool of Siloam, asked the man “Do you want to be well?” I used to think this had to be the most useless question in the Bible. Who wouldn’t want to be well? But the more I dealt with people the more I realized not only was that not useless – it was essential to the man’s getting well.

As we look at our plan for mental health we must ask ourselves, “Do I want to be well?” If so, then simple, consistent discipline is required. A note, I am not talking about mental disease which should be handled professionally. I am writing to those who want to construct a strategy for emotional wellness as part of their general life plan. I have several good friends who serve their psychiatric patients well.
Let’s look at an exercise as we begin our conversation.

Take a card or piece of paper; draw a line from top to bottom creating two columns. On the left, write down those emotions you must discipline in order to stay mentally healthy. On the right, write the ones you recognize bring you mental discomfort or even sickness. After doing this, take a good look at both lists. The appropriate response is to create the discipline, as much as possible, to build the healthy emotions into our daily living. Part of this is to understand how they work. For example, gratitude is high on my list for desirable emotions. In order to cultivate thankfulness I try to understand exactly what it looks like when I am practicing it. I create a pattern which grows into a habit, and eventually a lifestyle. But it begins by identifying it as helpful and healthy, then purposing to build it into my life.

No two of us will have identical lists. For example, one person may have fear as an unhealthy, undesirable emotion, but only see it as a distraction from mature growth. Another, who lists fear will be paralyzed by it and unable to make progress while in its grip.

After careful study of the strength building emotions, prioritize them. Some people devise a plan and then wear themselves out trying to master each and every aspect of their “healthy person” ideal. Make a plan for enhancing the value of the good emotions. Of course, they all overlap to some degree. A grateful person will undoubtedly show kindness. And, a forgiving person will be one of grace. But determine the primary emotions.

One last word – spend little or no time trying to correct the negative emotions… that is a waste of time and energy. Let the good drive out the bad through its own momentum.

This week think about: 1) In this new year what emotions do I want to emphasize? 2) How interested am I in analyzing my own mental health? 3) Who is a good role model for me in my high priority emotions?

Words of Wisdom: “The desire to be well is essential to getting well.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When Jesus saw him lying there and when he realized that the man had been disabled a long time already, he said to him, “Do you want to become well?” (John 5:6 NET Bible)

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