Weekly Thought – May 14, 2019

Fred finished well just two weeks before his 92nd birthday. He thought much about aging and created a strategy for navigating the process. He wrote an article for Leadership Journal with the title “Older, but Never Old.” He lived out those words, for sure.

Successful Aging

My serious interest in aging began with Erik Erikson’s remark: “The challenge of old age is the management of deterioration. Applying the art of management gives one control over the process.” In other words, move the deterioration toward the perimeter of life and focus on the areas of strength and vitality. Avoid the used-to-be syndrome. Too many of my friends refuse to analyze their current strengths, but continue living with the past glories. As I became bedbound I knew my traveling was eliminated. But I still had my mental faculties and my voice, so my daughter arranged for weekly events for people who sat around my bed and listened to me discuss what I had been thinking about during my three dialysis sessions each week. It became affectionately known as “Fred in the Bed.” It was a management technique.

Part of the monitoring of successful aging is asking questions. For me, I break the questions into two categories: positive and negative. Of course, these are designed for my own personality, temperament, character, and temptations. For illustration, I list some of the questions I ask myself:

Love: Where do I fall on the loving scale? How do I avoid benevolent dictatorship?

Patience: How patient am I? Do I accept the difference between excellence and perfection?

Tolerance: Am I Biblically tolerant? Do I know the difference between love and apathy?

Unselfishness: How unselfish am I? How do I implement “in honor preferring one another?”

Commitment: What is my level of commitment to work, family, faith? Am I capable of having passion without crossing over into obsession?

Flexibility: Can I develop a technique without sacrificing stability and principle?

Control: How often do I camouflage this tendency? Do I exhibit dictatorial or victim behavior?

Cynicism: Do I discount the current reality by wanting things to stay the same to make me comfortable?

Greed: Is my desire an appetite or a fire? Do I remember a fire is never satisfied?

Selfishness: How often do I see others as serving me rather than an opportunity to serve?

Concretized: How realistic am I about change?

When I do my self-audit I ask another person for counsel and accountability. This person must be chosen carefully. I am not looking for a critic; I am looking for a coach.

This week carefully consider: 1) What is my strategy for aging? 2) Who models successful aging? 3) What questions should be I be asking myself?

Words of Wisdom: “The end of the process is successful aging – staying young while getting older.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Abraham breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man who had lived a full life. “ (Genesis 25:8a NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 7, 2019

Fred’s mentoring questions are a compilation of conversations with the AM/PM group. It met in the morning and was initiated by Peter McNally, thus AM/PM. As they met month by month he would throw a question on the table. On www.breakfastwithfred.com there are over 300 of them for consideration. They serve as a personal exercise, as well as for a group. Fred was asked to give an impromptu answer to his own questions. Here is the unedited text.

BWF Project is excited about the new edition of You and Your Network. It will be available by fall, 2019. The research for What’s Next will continue year long. We invite you to participate in the interview process. Contact us at Brenda@bwfli.com

Firestarter Questions

1) Question; What changes would I make if I could live my life over? Fred: I doubt I would make any changes if the circumstances and options were the same. If I were given hindsight, then certainly I would have taken advantage of many more opportunities. As the wag said, “If I had my life to live over I would live over a delicatessen.” I don’t believe it is profitable to worry about such unchangeable things as our past.

2) Q: What psychological barriers have I permitted in my life? Fred: Psychological barriers can either be temporary or long-lasting. We outgrow the temporary ones. For example, one can be controlled by what others think of us. As we mature, we can overcome this one and have a healthy view of ourselves. The long-term ones are mostly character flaws. We must first recognize them and then develop a plan and time frame to reduce their influence on us. The long-term ones will take serious work, but can be minimized.

3) Q: How much does advertising influence me? Fred: I wish it influenced me less than I am afraid it does. However, I am allergic to nonsensical advertising. In fact, I consider the mute button on the TV remote as one of the greatest inventions of the modern age. Therefore, I mute most commercials. I read the advertisers believe we must see an advertisement nine times in order to become conscious of it. I hope that is true, because I seldom watch an ad more than one time. I am immunizing myself. I saw a survey of the American population saying they are far more influenced by Madison Avenue than by the church. George Gallup wrote a book titled, The Saints Among Us. He says only 10% of those claiming to be born again are really influenced by their faith.

4) Q: Do I have a healthy sense of humor? Fred: As long as I can genuinely laugh at myself rather than laughing at others I will have at least a moderate sense of humor. Much of today’s humor is sick. It does not promote healthy mental attitudes. I always look for any humor in any situation, often finding it. Most of my life I have studied humor because I think it is a vital element. I would like to be able to laugh at only those things which are genuinely funny. Humor should be a bridge between people rather than an obstruction. I have a very intelligent friend who every Sunday morning called one of his friends to read the comics together. We are admonished in scripture to be careful about taking ourselves too seriously. I believe in humor as Gods lubricant in life and certainly as a happy reality.

This week think about: 1) What makes me laugh? 2) What affect does stress have on my sense of humor? 3) How can I discipline my humor to keep it clean and appropriate?

Words of Wisdom: “I don’t believe it is profitable to worry about such unchangeable things as our past.”

Wisdom from the Word: “After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.” (Luke 2:46 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 30, 2019

Fred tweeted long before twitter was a concept. He called them “one-liners.” His friends, his associates, even his family carried these “Fred Saids” in their minds as bywords. In diverse situations one of his wise bites always popped up. This week’s thought is an example.

BWF Project is looking for men and women who want to share their story of dealing with “What’s Next” Fred’s writings on mentoring, networking, and persevering form a foundation for decision making. If you want to participate in this research, please contact us: Brenda@bwfli.com

Experience to Experiment

When in a difficult situation, it is helpful to establish an experimental mindset. You can negotiate and navigate the experience without falling into an emotional pit. For example, I once took a stop watch to the dentist’s office – not to see how much he was charging me per minute, but to see how much time I actually spent in pain. Without the stop watch to verify and validate, I would have said I hurt 50% of the time. But the objective data said it was a short time. I ran the watch only when I was in serious pain – four seconds! Yes, four seconds of tough stuff.

Another dental experience took awhile to fully turn into an experiment. I read about one of the tortures during World War II was conducting root canals without anesthetic. I decided to see if I would have endured. By the way, my dentist thought I was crazy and made me sign a disclaimer that it was in no way his suggestion! I made it through, but my family told me it took about 6 months for me to appear normal again!

We used this experimental syndrome to our advantage in working with a direct sales force whose big problem was door slammers. (This was in the days when door knocking was an accepted sales technique). We gave the sales force a chart of different door slammer personalities. For example, they had quick, loud, apologetic, indifferent, offensive, polite, indignant, etc. When someone slammed the door in their faces they simply checked the appropriate type box. By turning their experience into an experiment they turned personal rejection into an objective exercise.

I offered this system to a waitress at a local restaurant I frequented. The breakfast diner atmosphere drew a variety of patrons. I noticed several of the customers were gruff and even rude. I told her to make a card with columns and categories such as friendly, interested, polite, grumpy, and downright rude. One morning I sat at the counter listening as a customer berated her. When she came to refill my coffee I asked about it. “Oh, him? I was glad to see him because I was missing a downright rude and he filled my card!” She turned her experience into an experiment.

This week think about: 1) What am I facing that needs a shift from experience to experiment? 2) How does moving from subjective to objective make me more effective? 3) Who needs to hear about this system?

Words of Wisdom: “By turning experience into an experiment personal rejection can be turned into an objective exercise.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, if you call out for discernment – raise your voice for understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 9, 2019

Fred had great interest in simplifying ideas so they could be easily handled and implemented. He highly respected Einstein who said:” Everything should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.” He had a great ability to take large quantities of information and distill it down to manageable concepts. He learned much from other leaders and liked taking thoughts, and the expanding them with his own thoughts.

The Four M’s of Goal Setting

I found the difference between seeing something as a challenge or a threat is very simple – it is planning. You know I have always stressed the importance of direction over a singular emphasis on goals, but setting targets is very important. At the beginning of every year I sit down and carefully look at certain areas of my life, setting marks for the next 12 months. My friend Bob (Robert) Schuller, founder of the Crystal Cathedral, talked on goals and used these four M words. They triggered my thinking. So, I want to share four qualities of worthy goals using Bob’s M words and my comments.

1) Meaningful – how much of my life am I willing to swap for this goal? Is it a worthy goal? Is it a long term goal which has long range benefits?

2) Marvelous – how exciting or energizing is this goal? Getting started is always my problem. I fight procrastination. In fact, I once thought it would be a great idea to start a national association for procrastinators. I would certainly be glad to start it, but I just can’t seem to get around to it. On my desk I keep one word: START. I find if I will just start, I will finish. It is the starting that is difficult. A philosopher said, “Start, and your brain will warm up.”

3) Measurable – how specific is it? We had a sales manager who used to ask the salesmen at the beginning of the year how much they wanted to make that year. If any of them said with a laugh, “More!” he would say very seriously, “That not a goal – that’s a wish.” Whenever someone makes the comment in Peter Drucker’s hearing “That is a good man,” he responds, “Good for what?”

4) Manageable – Can this goal be controlled as life unfolds and flexible enough to fit the circumstances? Effective goals are realistic and fit within my talents and opportunities. Too many live in a fantasy world thinking they can do anything they dream about. I heartily disagree. There are some things I will never do, no matter how hard I try. For example, I will never be a jockey. Goals have to operate within the realm of possibility.

Making the most of your time is critical to the efficient and effective use of goal setting. And, as I said earlier. I prefer to stress the importance of setting and assessing the direction I am taking. It is easy to move a degree or two off track and end up thousands of miles away from the targets, goals, and accomplishments.

This week think about: 1) How am I doing with my desired direction? 2) Which of the M words sparks my thinking? 3) What can I do to ensure the best use of my time?

Words of Wisdom: “I found the difference between seeing something as a challenge or a threat is very simple – it is planning.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May he grant your heart’s desire; may he bring all your plans to pass!” (Psalm 20:4 NET Bible)