Weekly Thought – September 18, 2018

Fred held his friendships in high esteem. Even after death, he referred to them as friends (not former friends). One of his most notable relationships was with Francois Fenelon a 16th century monk he certainly never met. “My friend Fenelon” was how he began many stories. Fred knew well what true friendship meant and regarded them with deep respect.

Thank you to the friends of BWF who have consistently prayed, encouraged, and financially supported this work for 15 years. This fall will mark the 10th year of the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Our many friends make this possible – and of course, the grace of God.

From Function to Friend

Years ago I met John Stein, the famous impresario, who brought several of the luminaries to Broadway. When I asked him about the secret to the popularity and longevity of stars he said it was in the simple formula: the musical artist or actor goes on the stage or up on the platform as an entertainer, but leaves as a friend. The audience, whether in a concert hall, studio, or at home, feel a bond with the performer. They think they know them.

He explained how they moved from function to friend. They were not interested in an image; they were interested in the function’s creating a way for them to become real to the audience. Think of personalities who are so familiar, you really believe you know them. These celebrities are approached all the time in public places by people who honestly believe they know them, their families, and details of their lives. They achieved the crossover from function to friend. Of course, this friendship is only in the mind of the audience. Those who begin to assume there is a valid friendship become obsessed.
Perhaps moving from function to friendly is healthier!

This is an important lesson in leadership. The great doctors I have known have been able to make this transition without losing their objectivity. My great friends at the Mayo Clinic performed their function so beautifully that their friendship made it a joy to be with them. Mary Alice used to think I was going on vacation when I would head to the Kehler Hotel in Rochester. They know their medicine but they also now me as friend.

This applies, of course, to other fields of work, as well. Anyone who has to maintain an image will suffer loneliness and alienation. The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function. Young ones talk about “empty suits.” I like that description. There are those who do their jobs so well – operate within their function so adequately – but have nothing but the persona. We appreciate their expertise, but fail to care about them as people beyond their function.

Function can become a shield and a mask, aiding us to hide from closeness. But others know when we lead from duty and not desire. I am not recommending you create social relationships with all in your leadership sphere, but that you have an attitude which lends a personal touch.

Jesus went about “doing good.” I like to think He exhibited more than just good works. My friend Ken Blanchard talks about Leading Like Jesus – moving from function to friendship is key.

This week think about : 1) How have I hidden behind a well-executed function? 2) What do I do to make sure others think of me as human? 3) Where are my strengths and soft-spots in leading others?

Words of Wisdom: “The important thing is that there is a real person behind even the strongest function.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And to all these virtues add love, which is the perfect bond.” (Colossians 3:14 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 11, 2018

Fred’s masterful understanding of human nature and scriptural principles gave him stability in his life and in his relationship with others. His ability to take everyday experiences and turn them into object lessons made all of life an “illustration adventure.”

Don’t Overload Your Circuits

We are always warned by the electric company not to overload a circuit. That is sound advice. When I noticed I have six plugs on one outlet I thought about the admonition, but I knew the danger was only potential. Why? Because I only use one of the devices at one time and none will max out the circuitry by themselves. If I decided to turn them on all at once. Or, if Mary Alice plugged in and tried to use all her kitchen appliances simultaneously, the circuitry would undoubtedly be overloaded and there would be a power outage. I remember the years before modern breaker boxes when I had to replace fuses and then remind everyone about the limits of the circuitry.

Overloading happens in our lives, as well. We max our circuitry when we have high levels of potential involvements, emotional experiences, or time commitments. As long as we balance them we keep from frying our system. The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.

The critical point is the relationship between the number of items on a circuit and the use of these devices. Both elements have to be in play. How does this play out in our lives? For example, one can take on fourteen commitments as long as none of them is so demanding to pull power from the others. Or, if several of them are in play simultaneously the human being can overload.

If commitments or activities compete for the current, danger exists. Different items pull different amounts of power for emotional and mental output. We need to understand well the demands of each commitment, measuring carefully the energy each will require and how it will interplay with other activities.
A simple example: in the years when I was doing much speaking it was an activity which was energy producing, so the output and the input were equal. If the work of preparing had not been met with positive response and the sense I was helping, the energy required would have been too much.

To avoid overload, you must reach an equilibrium point where the amount you give and the amount you receive must add up to a positive energy ampage. We burn out when the energy expended (whether psychic, emotional, spiritual, or physical) is not offset by the energy produced.

Remember, it is not the number of tasks, but the net energy required that determines the point of overload.

This week think about: 1) What is giving me energy right now? 2) How close have I come to burn out? 3) Where am I learning to measure the energy input/output?

Words of Wisdom: “The trouble comes when we try to flip the switch and do too much at one time – we blow a fuse.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 4, 2018

Fred spent his entire life studying communication. He learned from men in all areas, including business, arts, preaching, and medical practice. He was a lifelong learner focusing his attention on principles which he incorporated into his business and professional life, as well as his Christian lay experiences.

On September 1st Fred would have been 103. We are thankful his influence continues and we thank you for your ongoing support.

Discipline of Communication

Every leaders spends a good part of the day in communication. A good many books are written on the how-to rules of communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the techniques. Almost any two people who want to talk together can. Often people who are unable to converse successfully are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.

Motivation largely depends on communication and the difference between a good team and a great one is the element of inspired motivation. The difference between a poor team and a good one is generally selection and organization. Any organization with the capability of moving to good can take the next step to great with the proper understanding and use of effective motivation.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words, 2) the choice of words, 3) the sounds of the words, and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively which is akin to staying silent while reloading while the other is shooting. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotion which permits the listener to evaluate on more than a surface level.

Reading body language, seeing what is between the lines, and the ability to grasp the “question behind the question” as one business consultant puts it are all factors in effective listening. In our culture, talking over with a testy, combative attitude has become the acceptable behavior. Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say our political and relational problems would be solved if we really understood what the other one was saying. Not so. In fact, if we really understood what the other was saying we might see we have even deeper disagreements.

Hearing and understanding the words, intent, and purpose are critical to communication, but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) What is my strongest communication skill? 2) How often do I think communication automatically moves toward agreement? 3) When do I struggle being a good listener?

Words of Wisdom: “Listening quietly signals lack of opinion and power, rather than denoting thoughtfulness and interest.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 21, 2018

Fred’s ability to assess people and situations enabled him to effectively consult with corporations, ministries, and family businesses. One of his great principles: “Everyone is logical if you understand their fundamental operating basis. Once you have identified this, their decisions make sense.”

BWFLI is moving quickly into the fall season for the What’s Next Roundtable. Teams are forming and preparations are being made by our fine schools. Please continue praying.

Clarifying Expectations

I walked into the office of one of my clients with whom I enjoyed a long time relationship. He was one of my favorite people. I reached over and took two pieces of scratch paper from the pad on his desk. I gave him one piece of paper and I told him, “Sam, write down on that paper the most significant contribution you want me to make to this organization. I will write down on my paper the most significant contribution I am trying to make.”

You have to have a pretty good understanding of a client to do this. Years of trust allow this kind of transparency. It is a very good exercise.

Do you know when we turned the face up they were almost diametrically opposite? The thing that I thought was the most important thing for me to do for him was opposite what he wanted me to do. What he was expecting wasn’t part of my plan at all.

He was a long time client, as well as a friend, yet we were operating with polar opposite expectations. Think of the implications of continuing with both of us going full steam ahead with such a lack of understanding. And I could imagine other clients, family members, business associates that I didn’t know as well. How often had I operated assuming I knew exactly what was expected only to find I was traveling in the wrong direction at 70 miles an hour. As I considered this, situations came to mind which were created simply by the failure to clarify expectations.

What is Sam and I had continued to operate with unspoken, but opposing expectations? How often does this occur without our knowledge? How often do business deals fall apart and nobody really knows why? Sadly, how many parent/child or husband/wife relationships falter because each is operating fully thinking they know what the other wants, but without clarifying before going ahead with decisions.

Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.

This week think about: 1) Who needs me to clarify expectations? 2) How can I most effectively ascertain the assumptions of others? 3) What skills do I need to develop to best clarify relationships?

Words of Wisdom: “Clarity, not assumption, is the rule for successful relationships whether in business, community organizations, or personal connections.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God—with skill, with understanding, with knowledge, and in all kinds of work,” (Exodus 35:31 NET Bible)