Understanding Each Other

Weekly Thought – January 26, 2016

Fred’s grasp of human nature gave him an almost uncanny ability to “read” people. His understanding of fundamental principles allowed him to assess motivations, habit patterns, and behavior. As in many situations, Fred knew there was an art and a science to the study of people.

Understanding Each Other

Those who use discernment in leadership can be helped by these principles:

1) Everyone is logical according to his or her reasoning base. I used to believe everyone who disagreed with me was illogical (since I was the measure of logic, of course). Alfred Adler showed me that everyone is logical if you understand the fundamental premise from which he/she is operating. It is important to recognize you don’t know the person’s base until you can accurately predict future behavior. Understanding their base enables me to understand their logic.

2) Dependence can create hostility. One of my psychiatrist friends introduced me to this concept. It has been emotionally helpful in business, and mentoring, as well as with the family. This occurs when someone is dependent emotionally, financially, or spiritually on someone else, and gets angry about it. In older age physical dependence can create this hostile environment. We see this in long term employment situations, and even in long term marriages. People who grow dependent deny their need while continuing to accept the benefits of the situation. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” is a perfect example of hostile dependence lived out.

3) Psychic space requirements differ from one person to another. In a small group a woman became extremely emotional and shouted out, “I hate you, I hate you!” What happened? The leader of the group invaded her personal space and triggered an outburst. As leaders, we need to be careful to correctly identify boundaries and not create emotionally compromising situations. Those who head cross-culturally certainly understand this concept for these limits change dramatically from one culture to another, creating possibilities for misunderstanding and mistrust. We have spiritual space, as well. Too often people jump into another’s space with “penetrating” questions that border on the curious not the interested. We must earn the right to be invited into “soul space.”

Understanding these principles helps us lead with integrity. Facts are always preceded by feelings and using discernment allows us to match one with the other.

This week think about: 1) How can I grow in the use of discernment? 2) What examples can I think of to demonstrate each principle? 3) How well do I know the people around me?

Words of Wisdom: “People who grow dependent deny their need while continuing to accept the benefits of the situation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “indeed, if you call out for discernment – raise your voice for understanding” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Driving Wisely

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Brenda’s Blog – January 26, 2016

“Prison area – do not pick up hitchhikers!”

As I drove along highway 25 in Kentucky on my way to Indiana, I glanced at the road sign and smiled. It is hard to imagine a prisoner’s standing out by the road with his thumb extended. And, it is even harder to think of someone who would freely offer a ride. Clearly, this has happened because the warning sign in bold letters was necessary to protect the public.
Then I started thinking about the spiritual prisons in our lives. And how we too eagerly open up the door, accepting hitchhikers. We allow felonious emotions such as fear, greed, anger, and unforgiveness to enter our souls. In so doing we become embroiled and endangered and imprisoned.

We are created in Christ Jesus for freedom, not bondage. We are given the grace of God to break the chains which hold us down. We don’t have to accept the hitchhikers of iniquity and injustice. When circumstances tempt us to relinquish our liberty, we can say no. We were released for good works and given the power to run without the shackles of past failures, unhealthy relationships, or severe losses.

Where are your prison areas? Where does the enemy of your soul want to send out a malicious hitchhiker to burden you? Heed the words of warning: lock those doors, roll up the windows, and keep on driving. And remember orange jumpsuits are not a fashion statement!

Measuring Character

Weekly Thought – January 19, 2016

Fred took his own integrity temperature regularly because he didn’t trust his human nature to fly straight on auto-pilot. He also measured the character of others, particularly when he was doing business with them. One of his secret weapons was his wife, Mary Alice. He refused to hire a key person without her meeting them and giving her input.

Measuring Character

Leaders with strong character have power, dignity, and integrity. Fortunately, our character can be strong without being perfect. It is enough that we want solid character for then we are teachable and reclaimable after falling. The worst flaw is to believe we are not vulnerable.

Here are measures I have found to be helpful in thinking about others:

1) Personality affects the way we react to pressure and desires. The introvert must be drawn out to discover the response while most extroverts must be reined in by themselves or others.

2) Testing the strengths and weaknesses presents surprises. Knowing others allows the leader to develop strengths and bolster weaknesses.

3) Past history is a predictor of the future. Asking co-workers, family, and friends can be enlightening. Often, character is better known than talents and skills.

Here are three areas that are beneficial for self-assessment:

1) Find a trusted and valued objective resource as a touchstone and standard. Biblical truth is an excellent yardstick.

2) Check for purity of purpose and transparency. “Yours to count on” is a good indication of strong character.

3) Tongue control, ego management, obedience, and confession are indicators of a strong character. Emotional maturity is always one of my personal goals.

Character grows strong under pressure, suffering, loss, tribulation, and failures, in which the mind gets experiences and the heart gets convictions. Character is the element that makes us stand when we want to run, to live when it would be easier to die, and to fight for the right — even in a losing cause.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I to assess my own character as well as those around me? 2) What does “purity of purpose” mean in my daily living? 3) What is my standard of truth?

Words of Wisdom: “Emotional maturity is one of my personal goals.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The king said to him, ‘How many times must I make you solemnly promise in the name of the Lord to tell me only the truth?’” (1 Kings 22:16 NET Bible)

Motivation

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Brenda’s Blog – January 12, 2016

“Were they inspired or directed?”

After the horrific tragedy in San Bernardino, a parsing of words began which befuddled most – to the point of bemusement. The pundits argued over influence: inspired or directed? Apparently, this made a huge difference to them. But it was certainly not an argument worth pursuing by the families of those who lost loved ones.

In the past weeks I have been considering those terms as we look at leadership styles. Do you exercise persuasion and inspiration or are you more directive? What does that say about you? About those you influence?

We think of role models as sources of inspiration rather than direction because they have no solid line relationship to us. We think of parents with more behavioral control. As a grandmother I clearly understand my realm of authority in the inspirational category. Of course, there are circumstances when I exert “direction,” but for the most part, I employ the persuasion mode.

How do you like to be led? Is it more comfortable to be shown by example or given explicit instructions? Or perhaps you like a combination of the two. Currently, many volunteers help me in my non-profit work. The age old cliché of volunteer organization as “herding cats” is sometimes accurate. The art of persuasion is more often used and the skill of persuasion is necessary to light fires which activate.

Which form of leadership is longer lasting? And is there a difference between inspiration and motivation? Does one have a longer lasting shelf life? Whatever results in permanent change is more effective. My sweet neighbor who leads a weight loss group repeatedly talks about “life change, not short periods of food deprivation.” When someone is motivated to alter a pattern, inspired activity occurs, then serious transformation is realized.

Consider yourself and those around you, asking the question: “Am I leading in a way appropriately evoking the highest and best response?” Next time, decide if inspiration or direction is the best way to go.

Asking Questions

Weekly Thought – January 12, 2016

Fred’s ability to ask himself questions with toughness and objectivity set him apart from most others. He regularly assessed his progress. He didn’t trust the idea of achieving integrity then putting himself on “auto pilot.” He took his emotional, spiritual, and intellectual temperature to maintain accuracy.

Asking Questions

Here are a few questions I use in a personal search for integrity:

1) Do my motives have integrity? Rationalization does more to pollute integrity of motive than any other factor. Ends never justify illegal, unjust, or unethical means.

2) Am I ego-driven or responsibility motivated? Ego-driven people satisfy their ego from the cause while responsibility motivated people sacrifice their ego to the cause.

3) Do I want the truth? It takes a tough mind and a strong heart to love truth. Integrity demands trying to know and love truth for its own sake.

4) Does my will control my feelings? Leadership demands a strong will, not a selfish or stubborn will. It demands a will that does what needs doing. By our will we overcome our yen for pleasure and our satisfaction with mediocrity.

5) What is my source of joy? Hope expresses itself in joy. My personal definition of joy is “adequacy.” The struggle is finding true security and complete adequacy in authentic, not synthetic sources.

6) Is my passion focused? Passion brings purpose, unity, intensity, and concentration, assuring accomplishment. Passion gives depth, keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity. Our lives become a welder’s torch rather than a grass fire.

7) How grateful am I? Integrity in leadership demands gratitude. Gratitude exposes our vulnerability and our dependence on others.

8) Am I the pump or the pipe? God is the pump and I am the pipe. The pipe never gets tired. When I try to substitute my power for God’s, I become powerless, dissatisfied, even frantic, and depressed.

9) Is grace real for me? When I refuse grace, I am playing God and trying to punish myself. Grace brings freedom. If only we accept the gift, we face the failure and move on.

This week think about: 1) Which question hits home in my own measure of integrity? 2) How can I use these questions to benefit others? 3) Which question created a surprise?

Words of Wisdom: “The struggle is finding true security and complete adequacy in authentic, not synthetic sources.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Majestic splendor emanates from him; he is the source of strength and joy.” (1 Chronicles 16:27 NET Bible)

Straight and Crooked – Conclusion

Weekly Thought – January 5, 2016

Fred spent New Year’s Day reviewing and evaluating the preceding year. He looked at his relations: to money, business, family, friends, church, personal development, and God. Each year he carefully considered these areas and then did a personal audit.

2016 will be an outstanding year for the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. We need your prayer support. And, so do our Christian colleges and universities. Please join our BWFLI Prayer Network and receive a monthly email with guided suggestions for standing with those who strongly lead Christian higher education. Contact us at brenda@bwfli.com

Straight and Crooked – Conclusion

It is very commonly accepted to talk about mankind as “sons of God.” Certainly we are all creatures of Him, but only in the new birth through Christ do we become sons and daughters. If we are automatically children, there is no need for the divine adoption. And without that the coming of Christ is a waste.

People who point to Christ as a “perfect example” are badly over-engineering the product. I have a high-precision German sports car. If I could find a highway with no speed limit, my car would perform perfectly. I sometimes feel it resents the governing I must do… it longs to run! It is manufactured to cruise at 100mph. When I am forced to hold it to 55mph, it doesn’t operate right. The bottom line is I have spent a lot of money for wasted precision.

Similarly, if God meant Christ to be simply a perfect example, the Son was way over-engineered. Any human being who is better than I am is a good enough example for me. I already have Mother Theresa when I need a model of selflessness, goodness, and faithfulness. She is by far a finer example of Godly living if that is all it would take. I could just become the disciple of someone who is 15% better than I am. If Christ is only an example it would be truly depressing for such a standard is unachievable.

I didn’t need an example; I needed a Savior. I needed someone whose sacrifice was acceptable enough to reconcile me to God (something that even Mother Theresa could never do!).

Intellectual integrity must be alive and well in our study of God. It is tempting to allow the study to overshadow the practice of worship. Sadly, I have met men who had a great mind for God but little heart. I once asked a Jewish philosopher, “Why aren’t all great theologians saints?” He said, “It’s simple.” Too often, theological studies involve one-upmanship. It views itself as the top of the intellectual ladder. If a theologian says to me, “What do you do?” and I say “I am a scientist,” he will say, “I am the one who studies the One who made what you study.”

I am convinced He has called us to humility for it is still the surest way to genuine intellectual integrity.

This week think about: 1) Where do I struggle the most with humility? 2) Who is Jesus in my life? 3) How can I make intellectual integrity part of 2016?

Words of Wisdom: “Sadly, I have met men who had a great mind for God but little heart.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The righteous person behaves in integrity; blessed are his children after him.” (Proverbs 20:7 NET Bible)