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  • Articles posted by mandate (Page 22)

Semantic Shift

Brenda’s Blog – February 7, 2023

“Words change their meaning over a period of time – some become more gentler; others more crude.”

We talk about cultural shifts, tectonic shifts, and attitude shifts meaning the move from one position to another. Etymologists point to word origin, usage, and transitions over historical periods. In 2021 the editors of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary added 455 words including “flutter-nutter” which is a sandwich of peanut butter and marshmallow spread on bread. Another common example is “Amirite”- the derivative of Am I Right? And of course the universally used “YEET” which means to hurl or throw.

Growing up my Dad loved thinking he was “with it” by adopting what he thought was the teenage vernacular. However, when he landed on a phrase he wore it out, using it years after it was dead and buried. His favorite was “ooky gooky.” I was with my daughter and another friend the other day. They started talking about their teenagers by exchanging slang words (none of which I had ever heard!) And the rule of cultural confusion still exists. That is, if you used to say something was “bad “it was good. Or “crazy” meant unusual or surprising, but not insane. Strangely enough, the dictionary states “cool” is considered the most American of all slang words. It began in the 1930s to comment on fashion. It comes and goes, but manages to resurface – it is the phoenix of phonetics.

A good friend has an aged, World War 1 era scrapbook which belonged to his grandmother. The bold words on the cover say “Men Who Made Love To Me.” Understandably I was shocked (and then amused) as I turned the pages. It was page after page of letters from men she wrote while they were in foreign countries as servicemen. She lived in a small, Texas town where the troop trains stopped on their way to the coast. She greeted them, gave them snacks, and promised to write. For the entire duration she wrote dozens (perhaps hundreds) of servicemen… many of whom fell in love with this young West Texas lovely who faithfully wrote. The letters were a living history of the war, of their homesickness, and their desire to be back with family. In the finest sense of the word they did speak love to her… and she to them.

The Greeks had five separate words for “love” because one was inadequate for description. Christian love became known as agape denoting service, sacrifice, and the sacred. Western linguistics lumps everything from the erotic to the adoration for God into one word. Interestingly, our language does morph – the semantic shift does occur, but all cultures maintain a way of communicating the connection between people. One of the oldest of all words in human language is Mother which is considered to be 15,000 years old. The more our verbal expression changes, the more we seek to speak of fundamental human relationships and emotions.

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Understanding Perspective

Weekly Thought – February 7, 2023

Fred curated ideas, words, and wisdom for the benefit of others, as well as his own personal growth. When talking with him he pulled from his vast memory, pulling out the right story, illustration, or quote to perfectly suit the conversation. Many people came to see him equipped with pad and paper knowing there would be helpful “Fred Saids.”

Understanding Perspective

Just before Mary Alice and I left for a Colorado summer a young man called wanting to come by the office. He had lost everything (about 20 million in 1990 dollars). I walked over to my wall, pulled down a plaque and handed it to him. “The man who kneels before God can stand up to anything.” The backstory is as helpful as those eleven words.

A good friend was an old school oil man. His wife lovingly called him D.H. for Dry Hole as he carried a reputation for a record string of unproductive drills. One night with them he was bemoaning another one when his wife came to the dinner table with the plaque bearing those words. She prefaced it with, “Just move over and drill again.” Her down to earth encouragement on this plaque hung on my office wall to remind me, as well. That day, the young man needed the words so I passed them on.

I met a bright young high achiever when he was in college. He was named Outstanding Young Man by the Texas Junior Chamber of Commerce, rose in his career like riding on a rocket, and saw year after year of success. Now he sat in my office having filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. We talked and as I heard him talk about the situation I listened. At the appropriate time I gave him one of my favorite quotes for troubled times – one I had used myself in those episodes of failure. “Only your plans have failed; you have not.”

“Fred, I needed that. Would you repeat it for me?” I did so as he wrote it down. “Thanks, this was the right time for you to say that to me.”

In Colorado we stayed with friends high in the mountains. Each morning as I stood outside I thought about these and other young men I knew who were climbing mountains. Then I began considering the pitons which the climbers use, driving into crevices to loop their ropes and create a hand hold. The words I shared with them might be classified as cliches, but I prefer to see them as pitons for the climb.

When I was 19 or 20 a traveling evangelist gave me his paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift that God has given you, and use it. You will stand before great men.” Many times it became a piton for my climb. One of my daughters lettered this for me and it now hangs on my office wall to give me a hand hold for my rope.

This week carefully consider: 1) What words have I been given to strengthen in troubled times? 2) What words have I shared with others to encourage them? 3) How can scripture assist me in my climb?

Words of Wisdom: “Only your plans have failed; you have not.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage – I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33 NET Bible)

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Adequacy is the Goal

Weekly Thought – January 31, 2023

Fred paced himself. He understood his rhythms: body, soul, and spirit and operated within their constraints. This allowed him a sense of adequacy in all areas of his life. This kept him from handing personal power to others. Think about these excerpts from a “someday a book” manuscript.

Adequacy is the Goal

A critical element in adequacy is taking control of your life. A woman came up to me recently after a talk to tell me she was bored. She clarified it wasn’t my talk, but just her life experiences.

I asked her, “how much control do you exercise over your life?” “Well, she said, I don’t need to do that. My life is very convenient – I am well taken care of financially, therefore I don’t need control.” My thought as she spoke “We all need control if we want to feel adequate. When we do not take control, we feel passive. With control we feel active, and alive.”

A friend who recently sold his company called to tell me, “Fred, I’ve sold my business and I am definitely going through those pains of questioning what I am going to do. I am only 50, made a lot of money on the sale, but am puzzled about the next step.”

“Well, while you are deciding be sure to put some kind of personal program into effect that produces activity and accomplishment. You are going to miss the sense of productivity. You are going to need the feeling of adequacy you had in business. Do it in your personal life.”

He was considerably overweight. We talked about two or three options for slimming down. Yes, “Fat Fred” was giving him counsel! I didn’t see him for several months and when I did I didn’t recognize me. He lost 60 pounds, was playing tennis and golf – and regained his self-respect. He knows he can’t do this alone for the rest of his life, but it was a strategy that got him moving. Self-respect fostered his sense of adequacy. Knowing how to establish and control his sense of achievement proved helpful for him.

If emotionally wired for it, the fast lane is exhilarating and creates energy, but putting a life into overdrive can result in chaos – and often crashes. Teaching our children to drive was a parental responsibility I accepted, reluctantly driving up and down the hills of Indian Hill with their inadequacies on display. “You are overdriving the road,” I would helpfully comment. Getting the keys to my Austin-Healey 3000 or Jaguar sedan was the goal of proven road adequacy, but it also tempted them to let the car’s potential and performance get ahead of their competency. When they learned to drive with control they learned true adequacy.

This week think about: 1) How do I define accomplishment in my life? 2) What is the area of my strongest achievement? 3) What plan do I have for staying productive in times of life change?

Words of Wisdom: “Knowing how to establish and control his sense of achievement proved helpful for him.”

Wisdom from the Word: “On every mission on which Saul sent him, David achieved success. So Saul appointed him over the men of war. This pleased not only all the army, but also Saul’s servants.” (1 Samuel 18:5 NET Bible)

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What Really Matters

Brenda’s Blog – January 24, 2023

“Damar Hamlin suffers cardiac arrest on field” scrolled across the bottom of the TV screen.

During the first quarter of the Buffalo Bills and Cincinnati Bengals game the Bengals’ player collapsed.

His heart malfunctioned and fell to the field, unconscious. The ordinarily raucous stadium grew quiet.

Members of both teams gathered in prayer circles on the side of the field, lifting this young player to the Lord. The competition put on hold, the prayer and concern for this young man became critical.

Crowds who had just moments before yelled for the tackle now sought the Lord’s mercy for this player. This was no longer winner/loser but cheering for the recovery of an injured man.

This example of human concern speaks to all of us, doesn’t it? Proper priorities come to the surface in the face of crises. A football game which is crucial to many fades in importance during a life threatening event. We put down our team colors and lift up our hands in prayer.

As we follow Hamlin’s progress, and we pray for his full recovery let’s take away the illustration of these football players from both teams huddled together in prayer. They showed us what ultimately matters – they showed us the source of hope and help. May we never allow ourselves to become so partisan, so competitive, or “our team” focused that we can’t stop, join in prayer, and understand what really matters.

We come together partnering with both teams praying for his full recovery. We are grateful for this moment to stop and carefully consider what is important, asking for the wisdom to focus on the highest and best.

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Looking at Loss

Weekly Thought – January 24, 2023

Fred experienced major losses in 1983, including financial setbacks and the death of his Mother. True to form, he crafted a personal plan for going forward. These excerpts will give a flavor of his approach.

Looking at Loss

Difficult circumstances require an organized plan. In my personal experience here are four ways I create a strategy:

1) Stay busy. I see a lot of people who don’t understand how important it is to stay busy when they have problems. They want to take off on vacation, going “to the islands,” or choosing any activity which distracts them. Howard Rome, past head of the World Psychiatric Society said to me, “Fred, stay busy.” He knew me well. He understood that by training and habit I would stay constructively busy. An executive I once knew adopted the philosophy for dealing with problems: “When in trouble, when in doubt… run in circles, scream and shout.” I am not talking about that kind of busyness. I am talking about honest, constructive work in rebuilding the wall.

2) Live with the facts. I hope I am mature enough to receive both good and bad fact any time of any day. A friend asked me if his son would be a good executive. “No.” “Why, Fred?” “Because he told me he doesn’t want to hear any bad news from any of his employees because it depresses him.” I cannot get a sound solution to my problem until I have a clear statement of the facts.

3) Never lose the good of a bad experience. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says the greatest things that happened to her have come from the windstorms of her life. She talks about putting people in the tumbler of life for we come polished when taken out. An example of wasting a bad experience is the national response to the depression. I went into it in such a way I came out without losing a nickel – because I went in without a nickel. I have lost a great deal of money since because I have had the “depression psychosis” imprinted on it. I took the wrong lesson from the experience.

4) Be redemptive. It is my Christian responsibility that in whatever the circumstance I am to bring redemption. This is Christ’s story. I am not to be conformed to this world but transformed by the renewing of my mind. This means to me that I am not to be formed by the world and its responses to loss and hard circumstances, but by the work of the Holy Spirit. For example, revenge is not redemptive.

This week carefully consider: 1) How would I define my current circumstances? 2) Which of these points stands out as important for me? 3) What makes me know God is real in difficult circumstances?

Words of Wisdom: “I cannot get a sound solution to my problem until I have a clear statement of the facts.”

Wisdom from the Word: “More than that, I now regard all things as liabilities compared to the far greater value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things – indeed, I regard them as dung! – that I may gain Christ,” (Philippians 3:8 NET Bible)

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Setting Direction

Weekly Thought – January 17, 2023

Fred established the wording for his tombstone as a young man in his twenties: “He stretched others.” His headstone in his Restland/Dallas space has those three words. When speaking of that desire he was often asked about its origin. This week features an answer he gave to a magazine interviewer.

Setting Direction

Question: “How did you decided your life mission was to stretch others?”

“I haven’t the vaguest idea how it came to be. I just realized I had an internal interest. Even all these years later I never tire of it. I have a gift for it and I have never found anything that interested me more than this pursuit. When I analyzed my activities I always get to the core and the common denominator: the desire to stretch others.”

Friends of mine who are artists or athletes have individual aims for personal development. There is certainly nothing wrong with that – it just wasn’t what attracted me. My friend who is a professional golfer strives to keep improving his game to be the best he can possibly be. Excellence is his development goal. My desire is excellence, as well, but it just happens to be in stretching others.
In thinking about personal development I see a clear difference between direction and goals. Direction is your ultimate destination – where you want your life to arrive. Goals are the specific steps you take along the way. It is crucial for goals to be in harmony with the direction.

A direction should be long term and in sync with the person you want to be. I often ask our children: “Are you satisfied with the direction you are going? Are you pleased with who you are becoming?” These questions relate to destination, not 3 or 5 year goals unless they are in line with where they want to be.

As a young man I had a clear sense of who I wanted to be even though I had no opportunities for college education, nor financial resources. I knew the gifts God gave me and developed a plan to set a direction which would allow me to operate within them. Scripture tells us Abraham set out “not knowing where he was going.” He didn’t have a map, but he had a Guide and set out. I, too, set out with a direction. I learned excellence in stretching others as I benefitted from those who believed in me.

The Puritans used the word “calling” as an expression of direction and vision. They believed it was each person’s contribution to the common good. Stretching others is my calling – my contribution.

Think carefully this week about: 1) What is my calling? 2) How clear am I on the direction I am taking? 3) When do I experience a strong sense of direction?

Words of Wisdom: “It is crucial for goals to be in harmony with direction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place he would later receive as an inheritance, and he went out without understanding where he was going.” (Hebrews 11:8 NET Bible)

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Take Five

Brenda’s Blog – January 10, 2023

“We missed getting the burritos by 5 minutes! If we had gotten in line 5 minutes earlier they would have been ours.”

I stood in a long line at the local donut shop as all the January 1st donut eaters waited. The drive through line was long; the indoor waiters trailed through the small place to the door. The solo employee patiently alternated between the drive through window and the faces standing right in front of him.

Easy chit chat began. “The person in front of us bought the last five burritos. If we had only been five minutes earlier.” Clearly it wasn’t going to leave this mind quickly. But several bags of sugary, greasy treats seemed to appease him as he and his nephew walked out with a cheery Happy New Year!

It made me think about the “if onlys” in life – good and bad. A missed plane, a cancelled restaurant reservation, a work deadline – these prompt us to wish for those extra five minutes. But think about those many times when you pass an accident on the highway and you thank God you weren’t coming along five minutes earlier! Serendipity displays the marvel of five minutes. Think of the time you run into someone coincidentally because you crossed paths. A joyous meeting occurred because you weren’t there five minutes before.

We value time greatly, don’t we? We frequently say, “just five minutes more – that’s all I need…” How precious are those 300 seconds. On this first day of 2023 we usually take account of the days and months available to us in the year. Perhaps we need to expand our thinking to those small increments of time – those five minute intervals can bring extra verve.

Happy New Year! Make those minutes count and enjoy a twelve months of life full to overflowing.

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Life in Focus

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2023

Fred highly valued concentration and focus. Many early morning breakfasts were scheduled by friends who wanted their “sons with potential” to meet with him. He listened, evaluated, and often decided the missing ingredient was intensity… no laser focus.

Life in Focus

The verse of Scripture which always comes to my mind about the focused life is: “This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind, I press forward.” One of the brightest men I ever met never amounted to much despite testing at genius level in 13 of 14 key measures. What was missing? He could never pick an area and develop it. He kept looking back at experiences, enjoyed the memories, and wandered into the future. He had too many options and failed to press forward.

Concentration is the power of life. The fireman knows to make sure the nozzle is screwed down. Otherwise he just has a flow of water. There is little force.

A lot of people do not focus because they are afraid of missing something, and they’re also afraid of being judged for having failed by making the wrong choice. One of the most talented baritones I ever knew was offered an opportunity to solo at the Metropolitan. He refused to focus, risking everything else to become truly great. Instead, he remained a fine talent but never achieved superiority.

The fear of being judged is always part of making a decision. A large number of people would rather be thought to be a person of potential, rather than attempt something, possibly failing, and losing the title of “highest potential in the pack.” Ironically, too many carry the idea of potential success more lightly than actually sacrificing to make it happen.

Growing up in the mill district in North Nashville I saw many with limited talents, and very limited opportunities who accomplished simply because they focused and concentrated. They found their uniqueness and held on to it like a junkyard dog with a bone. They had the “this one thing I do” spirit. I always think the welding torch is a fine illustration. You have to turn the flame down to a blue point before it will weld. Those who work with blue flame intensity accomplish.

I see people who believe working long hours is the secret. They think those hours means they are doing their job well. Intensity comes with you understand what are the important parts of your job. Some people spend as much time on inconsequential details as they do on the vital parts of their job. They certainly become hard workers, but not necessarily accomplishers because they miss the key elements.

Effective focus is achieved through proper prioritization, and intense attention.

This week think about: 1) How focused am I on the most important aspects of my work? 2) What does pressing forward look like for me right now? 3) When does fear get in the way of accomplishment?

Words of Wisdom: “A lot of people do not focus because they are afraid of missing something.”
(Note: Fred recognized FOMO way ahead of his time…)

Wisdom from the Words: “Pay careful attention to the condition of your flocks, set your mind on your herds.” (Proverbs 27:23 NET Bible)

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Laugh or Have High Blood Pressure

Weekly Thought – January 3, 2023

Fred’s reputation for humor extended past his use in speaking or consulting. He thought much about the principles of humor and analyzed its use in personal development. His writings on the subject help other speakers, but also add vitality to each reader’s life.

Laugh or Have High Blood Pressure

There’s no way to be truly mature without a well-developed sense of humor. It is the emotional escape valve. It is accepting the fallibility of man. I don’t remember meeting a humorless man who wasn’t also arrogant and a control freak.

Because I always see something funny in every mistake it has provided great relief for me. When we fail to laugh at ourselves in embarrassing situations shows a lack of maturity.

Of course, there are serious abuses of humor. For example, sarcasm, hurtful practical jokes, and hostile jokes. And we test the social edges – trying to see where the boundaries are. Stage comedians do this regularly, but also in ordinary social relationships this is a strategy to where the edge of acceptability is.

I have a pastor friend who has a personal measure: “Could I tell this from the pulpit?” Many businessmen throw out funny comments to see how the businesswomen react. They find out where the boundaries exist.

A friend of mine who uses humor to probe the intellectual depth of the audience. He is a scientist with four earned degrees and speaks regularly. He told me he developed three stories which he tells. By the reaction of the audience he can judge the intellectual capacity.

I am convinced the use of humor is a maturity/immaturity measurement tool. Those who use it well know how to develop an appreciation, much like art or music. Becoming discriminating and understanding the types of humor are key parts of this process.

For example, humor has a terrific communal aspect. A highly educated friend sent me a Mark Twain book. There were many passages which were lessons in sharing humor. I called to thank him and we began discussing the way we deepened our understanding of life’s funny bone. He told me of a friendship which included a weekly Sunday morning call. They didn’t discuss the news – they read the comic pages together.

I notice very few people will laugh heartily when alone, but when in a group and the very same story is shared, people will immediately start laughing out loud. Laugher is communal.

Another principle: keep you eyes and ears open for humor. I rarely go through a day in which I fail to see real life situations with a humorous element. This is a practiced habit. I look for the situations, written articles, and conversations. During a layover in the Chicago Ambassador Club I saw Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, the great public speaker. I walked up and he foisted a book into my hands. “Read this!” It was two pages of some of the funniest extemporaneous speaking I had ever read and it was 50 years old. Charlie was sharing something of value. Just as easily we could have fallen into, “What flight are you on? Where are you going? What group?” But instead of small talk, he made the time very valuable by just showing a great piece of humor.

This week think carefully about: 1) When was the last time I laughed out loud? 2) How effective am I in applying humor to relieve tension? 3) What can I do to sharpen my sense of humor?

Words of Wisdom: “Laughter is communal.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)

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Thinking about Money

Weekly Thought – December 27, 2022

Fred thought topically. His faithful assistant of nearly 20 years filled binders and file folders with content, much of which was “scatter shooting” on various ideas. As we finish the year enjoy three brief memos about money.

Thinking about Money

Money is one of life’s greatest necessities. To disparage it is to show ignorance of how life works. It is as important to life as blood is to the body and bears the same relationship. It is necessary means, but not an end. We make blood to live; not live to make blood. Likewise, I make money to live; not live to make money.

I have explained to our children that “money is option.” With it you have a multitude of choices. Without it you are limited. However, money does not bring with it the sense of responsibility needed to choose the right options. When we get into trouble, it isn’t money that is the cause, but the irresponsibility and poor decisions. The best use of money requires character.

I am suspicious of one who claims to have been “blessed” with money. I always have a sneaking feeling the person thinks he at least partially deserves the riches. Too often I get the idea they congratulate God on His choice of recipient. The person who refers to money as a stewardship with which they are entrusted is more likely to use it more wisely and unselfishly.

It is better to decide to become a philanthropist before riches come for afterwards it may be too easy to choose to become a materialist or a miser. Objectivity is easier before accumulating the money. Most misers admit they intended to be philanthropic but just never made quite enough money to start giving it away.

A pastor friend told me a man (not a member of his congregation) came to see him for prayer. “Pastor, when my wife and I had very little we had no trouble tithing. Now we have great multiples of what we had then and just cannot sufficiently give. Would you pray for me?” My friend invited the man to pray, bowed his head, and started “God, you hear this brother’s quandary. They were faithful in little but struggle with much. Therefore, I ask you to take away the money and get them back to where it was easy to give.” The man jumped up, “No, pastor!” and quickly left the office.

This week think carefully about: 1) How healthy is my relationship to money? 2) What challenges do I face with the options money gives? 3) Who is a good model for me as a wise money manager?

Words of Wisdom: “I make money to live; I don’t live to make money.”

Wisdom from the Word: “It goes well for the one who generously lends money, and conducts his business honestly.” (Psalm 112:5 NET Bible)

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