Why gracious?

Weekly Thought – March 28, 2023

Fred respected gracious men and women. One of his favorites was the wife of Phoenix executive. In commenting on her way of drawing people to her through her attitude she responded, “Fred, thank you for noticing. I have dedicated it to Jesus Christ.” Her graciousness was her witness.

Why gracious?

I remember a fellow saying, “If I treated my wife as well as I treat yours, she would be the happiest woman in the world.” I have repeated that in public numerous times, drawing a laugh without fail because there seems to be truth in it.

Graciousness is like anything else – you have to genuinely desire it. Sarcasm, negative remarks, and critical attitudes aren’t consistent with graciousness. If you want to play the piano, you practice; make money, you work where money is to be made; have muscles, you work out in the gym.

In acquiring a gracious spirit there is a struggle to diminish the value of this attitude. This is where we understand the source of all gifts and develop a humble attitude. The best definition of humility I have ever heard is: humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through you and not from you. (Note: at this point Fred would regularly pause and say, “may I repeat that?” It is hard to type this and not wait for him to repeat it.)

Self-righteousness has false humility or the actions of faking humility. That is actually lying.

A magazine interviewer once asked me: “Fred, what is the benefit of being gracious?” I answered: “In the first place, it makes the quality of life so much better. Just like architecture shouldn’t just be utilitarian, life should have beauty, as well. Some argue that being abrupt and direct saves times and gets things done. I disagree. I think time saved by avoiding conflict is time saved in the long run. An important benefit is that it reflects God. That, in itself, is worthwhile for mankind. But we must be careful to see it as an outgrowth of our faith, not just an element of a courteous culture. I grew up in the “gracious South,” but I am not convinced it was always the quality that comes from God, but an environmental atmosphere.

This week think carefully about: 1) How gracious would my family, my colleagues, my church friends say I am? 2) What words would I use to describe a gracious person? 3) Where do I see graciousness in scripture?

Words of Wisdom: “Humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through me, not from me.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near!” (Philippians 4:5 NET Bible)

Two Bucks of Blessing

Brenda’s Blog – March 21, 2023

“I want to bless you. There is one caveat: you cannot spend this. You may keep it as a reminder of how He blesses, or you may give it away to another to bless them.”

A woman sat down next to me at the leadership meeting. Immediately we clicked. Her warmth, enthusiasm, and obvious leadership experience told me this was going to be a good day. When lunchtime came we found seats by ourselves as the remainder of the group filled up the nearby tables. We began discussing the morning’s speakers, our takeaways, and then our stories.

She spoke of nearly 70 years of career accomplishments, family highlights, and a strong emphasis on her faith. After that she began telling me about the impact of scripture on her, particularly the wisdom books. She continued to talk about the vision for empowering others through the words of scripture. The details about open doors, ah-h moments, and the sense of God’s tailwind carried us through Texas barbecue and way into the afternoon program. The lunch tables filled, and emptied as we sat there.

We finally headed for the parking lot nearly two hours later. She stopped me and said, “You have blessed me by listening. You allowed me to talk through some of the cloudy places in my dream. I want to bless you.” She opened her purse and pulled out a stack of crisp, new bills. Feeling very embarrassed I protested. Then she handed me a brand new $2.00 bill.

“I keep these with me all the time. When I am blessed by the Lord through someone I give them one. It isn’t a tip, it is my way of saying, ‘thank you for being used by God to bless me.”

Her admonition followed about the way to use it. I will keep that $2.00 bill as a sweet reminder of the precious time on a day when nothing like that was expected. And even more, it will prompt me to thank others for blessing me.

That bill touched a deep place in my heart. When I was young my widowed paternal Grandmother with very few financial resources would send each of her numerous grandchildren a birthday card with a $2.00 bill enclosed. As a child I thought little of it – I discounted the value of such a small amount. But as I grew older I knew it was treasure because it was the “widow’s mite” indeed. She blessed me.

Thinking Clearly About God

Weekly Thought – March 21, 2023

Fred would often say “there’s magic in believing if you don’t believe in magic.” He firmly believed in the power of the Spirit, but he did not support superstition and what he called “over spiritualizing.” In a speech given forty years ago he gave illustrations of healthy, mature thinking about God’s direction in our lives.

Thinking Clearly About God

After I spoke at the Reformed Seminary one of the students said to me, “Mr. Smith, God’s got me just where He wants me.” When I asked him where that was he answered, “Broke.” I told him my wife and I have a son and I would feel very disappointed if he said I had him just where I wanted him when he was broke. I don’t really see that as the proper image of a heavenly Father.

I think I told you of the lawyer who came to see me about five years after becoming a Christian. He said, “God is disciplining me. I became a Christian and decided to make my practice of law a ministry rather than a profession and so I have been letting Christians pay me what they felt I was worth.” I replied, “You’re broke, aren’t you?” He was surprised at my response. I told him the Lord wasn’t disciplining him – “you are suffering the consequences of your own stupidity.” Then I gave him $2500 to pay his bills. He went back into the practice of law as a professional and grew a successful firm. He had spiritualized a bad decision.

I believe problems should be analyzed. I don’t believe we should over spiritualize but understand the concept of cause and effect. While I do not think the problem should be spiritualized. I am going to surprise you and say I do feel the answer should be.

Let me give you four examples of spiritualizing correctly. The key is letting faith do these four:

1) Create a positive environment in which you feel the problem can be solved. I have never found an answer that I didn’t believe had a solution.
2) Faith gives us concentration, and we can’t reach our potential until we concentrate;
3) Faith gives us energy, for it is so much easier to work with a problem you feel you can solve than one you can’t.
4) Faith affects our attitude. It lets us accept winning or losing with equilibrium after we have done our best.

To me, spiritualizing the answer isn’t making up some spooky ritual or strange way of thinking, but it is bringing into our solutions the divine help which is available to us through the Spirit. It is not asking for miracles or devising irrational ways of thinking but asking for His divine presence in the process.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I to keep my mind disciplined to avoid wrong views of God? 2) What is my process for finding answers? 3) What role does spiritual help play in decision making?

Words of Wisdom: “I don’t believe we should over spiritualize but understand the concept of cause and effect.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Yes, I find delight in your rules; they give me guidance.” (Psalm 119:24 NET Bible)

Humor for All Seasons

Weekly Thought – March 14, 2023

Fred was a student of humor. In fact, he was a philosophical analyst of its use – and abuse. He wanted to write an entire book on it, but didn’t. However, he put thoughts down as part of an interview which is excerpted this week.

Humor for All Seasons

Humor is a good way to stay connected with me. One of my long time friends’ networks sends clippings, cartoons, and funny stories. We find a quick smile is a fine way to communicate. There are days when a good cartoon is the right fit.

I feel strongly it is good to use humor to take responsibility for relieving embarrassing, tense, or combative situations. When you can do good it is important to use humor correctly. In these situations you could be improving relationships, giving time for parties to think, and probably giving a psychological break. These are healthy uses.

Someone who insists on telling a story whether it fits or not, or serves a purpose or not is abusive. This is taking up the time of others without bringing something positive to the situation. A person who tries to be funny is usually a humor abuser. I have been in social events when one attendee dominated with puny attempts at being humorous. He was not adding to the atmosphere – he was doing nothing but wanting attention and control. A friend of mine told me he was the kind of man who would say, “Here I am doing all the talking and telling you all about myself when what I want is for you to be talking… about me!”
I can tell much about a person’s character, and especially humility. Self-deprecating humor can be helpful, but it has to have a point. Father Hesburgh, President of Notre Dame tells of the time during the 1960s and the Hippies. When demonstrators tried to take over the campus he met with the leaders. He offered his hand but the man refused. After the conversation the Dean who met with them said, “Father, I would have kicked them in the pants. Why didn’t you?” The President said, “My job isn’t to kick students but to educate them.” He took a backseat to pull the stinger.

Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.

This week think carefully about: 1) How do I use humor in business, family, social activities? 2) When do I laugh most heartily? 3) Who do I know who uses humor well?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with gladness.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Brenda’s Blog – March 7, 2023

“The difference is that they respect us.”

You would probably guess a long while but before identifying the source of that comment. It was a State Jail speaking of the guards. The incarcerated young man had much experience with correction institutions.

Currently serving in a private, corporately owned facility the remark came when asked to give advice for new guards. “Too many of them lean on their power, their toughness, and their spitefulness. They can be effective without dehumanizing and demeaning. The difference in this place is that the guards treat us like human beings, not animals. I guess, the bottom line would be… they respect us.”

Aretha Franklin famously made respect a part of the American vernacular, spelling it out letter by letter.

Theologians tell us we are created in the image of God. We are not a random gathering of molecules, but a purposeful creation worthy of dignity and respect. It isn’t always easy to see this in everyone, but when we do we can change lives.

Have you ever eaten in a restaurant and not even looked into the face of the server? In needing something we are asked, “Who is your server?” Not able to answer that we fail the second question, “What do they look like?” Practicing respect can begin in the smallest encounters.

You surely have been in a line of frustrated travelers waiting for news on a cancelled or delayed flight, right? Is it a peaceful, respectful place? Absolutely not! The airline employee with no ability whatsoever to change the circumstances bears the brunt of angry, often abusive customers. What a difference you could make in that person’s day (week, month, year…) if your response is respect, civility. Controlling our attitude under stress is an early step in expressing respect.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the recognition of another’s value and acting on it.

Winning and Losing

Weekly Thought – March 7, 2023

Fred observed the social environment long before it became the thing to do. He understood the “cultural moment” before anybody put those words together to describe where we live. He lived watching the correlation between Biblical principles and modern American culture. The influence of winning and losing is this week’s topic (probably written in the 1950s or 1960s).

Winning and Losing

Winning is a national addiction. Preachers, athletes, businessmen must have visibility and success. Criminals who commit bold crimes and get national coverage garner publicity and get strangely recognized. All of us must be winners – it is a national duty.
We love winners and likewise we dislike losers. We regard losing as a contagious disease so we distance ourselves.

Yet, there is a time to lose. You can be objective as you think about it. I sat down and jotted down for myself four reasons to lose:

1) When winning costs my self-respect, it is better to lose. I think of self-respect as the little guy who lives deep down inside of me. When I wake up at 3:00 am I check with him. If it is thumbs up, I can go back to sleep. But if he won’t talk to me and doesn’t believe the excuses I give, I know I am in trouble. It is critical that I stay in the clear with the little guy.

2) If winning costs me my health that is too much. I have seen too many men who stayed on jobs that have killed them, but their pride kept them in the job. No job, no success is worth that price. I made the decision in advance I would not pay it.

3) No amount of success is worth my family… they are more valuable than any other success. I frequently hear older men tell me they sacrificed their families for their business achievement. They wanted success more than happy families. The loss of family was one of the payments they paid to purchase personal success.

4) Success is too costly when it severs my relation with God. This life is not the game – this life is the practice for the game that is to come. God owns the stadium and I would like to play on His team… forever. If I have to choose between my God and my success that choice has already been made: “Here I stand, so help me, God.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How serious am I about self-respect, health, family, and faith? 2) Which of these points hits home for me? 3) Who can I encourage to consider the cost of success?

Words of Wisdom: “We love winners and likewise we dislike losers. We regard losing as a contagious disease so we distance ourselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me will save it.”(Luke 9:24 NET Bible)

Rights versus Responsibilities

Weekly Thought – February 28, 2023

Fred clearly differentiated between rights and responsibilities. He saw asserted rights taking people apart while his visual for responsibilities was lamination which pulled pieces together into one, making it stronger. He viewed operating from “it’s my right” position a sign of immaturity. Maturity and strong character lived with a sense of responsibility.

Rights versus Responsibilities

As a leader I have the responsibility for certain tasks and I must take an active role for execution. In fact, sometimes I will take the same action for results from a responsibility position as could be taken as a matter of rights. What is the difference? Motive and maturity. Responsibility has a selfless tone to it while rights carry a selfishness. This shows up in the attitude.

For example, the players in the huddle may be a scene of discussion – even disagreement- but when it comes to the call the quarterback makes the decision. Why? Because it is his responsibility, not because it is his right to do so.

We hear a lot about human rights. This was not the great gift of America it was a matter of human responsibilities. Often we speak about the success of the “American experiment” because it provided freedom. I don’t think so. I am convinced it was the first time in human history that freedom and a sense of responsibility came together simultaneously. Freedom was the environment and responsibility was the operational attitude. That is what gave us our enormous productivity.

The belief that God gave everyone a talent and one day we would account for its use was foundational.

These two concepts will always be in tension, but responsibility should be the primary motivator while rights take the secondary place. When I look at my responses to situations I find that generally I am more concerned about my rights when I feel that someone is taking advantage of it – when someone’s playing me for a sucker. That is unpleasant (to say the least) for me. In those situations I have a responsibility to behave maturely, but exercise my responsibility to not be played. Mahatma Gandhi was not exercising his rights as much as he was emphasizing his responsibility to create a society built on righteousness.

Motive, again, is the key. Generally, rights are about getting; responsibilities about giving.

This week think about: 1) When do I operate from rights rather than responsibilities? 2) How can I measure my attitude in tense situations? 3) What standards am I using to assess my maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced it was the first time in human history that freedom and a sense of responsibility came together simultaneously. Freedom was the environment and responsibility was the operational attitude.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Aaron and his sons will go in and appoint each man to his service and his responsibility. (Numbers 4:19 NET Bible)

Keep On!

Brenda’s Blog – February 21, 2023

During a major life transition I joined a fine insurance company, led by an outstanding General Agent. He gave me tremendous opportunities for training, back room resources, and advanced studies. I tested well and built relationships with a high trust quotient. On paper I looked like a good fit as an insurance professional.

HOWEVER, as much as I loved meeting the potential clients, listening to their goals, and working for creative solutions, asking for money to create a contract was almost impossible for me. The problem with that was simple: insurance sales is a commission only business. Without selling policies all my other skills were of little value.

On the way to see a professional woman to talk about a non-qualified retirement plan using life insurance I felt the heaviness of being a single Mom, struggling to pay bills and rebuilt a life blown apart by divorce. I truly wanted to hide. The light turned red and I stopped, breathing deeply. I looked around and a house on a corner lot was for sale. The realtor’s picture and name was emblazoned across the marketing sign. BRENDA GOFORTH was her name. Yes, that truly was her name.

The tension broke, I laughed out loud, thanked the Lord, and went forth to the appointment.

A few years later I found my niche – management. I studied and received two professional designations, moved to the home office of my company, and served as an officer and regional director.

But thinking of sitting at that red light continues to encourage me. God uses even realtor’s for sale signs to keep us going. Are you discouraged, afraid, uncertain? God is there and speaking into your life. He wants us to walk in hope, looking for ways to bring blessing. He knows when the days are dark and he can reach into our world to give strength. Each of us can trust Him to tell us to “goforth!”

The Graciousness of Grace

Weekly Thought – February 21, 2023

Fred understood practical Christianity. He knew the faith-based life required discipline and practice. Although he acknowledged the continuing presence of the Spirit he supported the principles of growing in grace to maturity in Christ.

The Graciousness of Grace

Grace is unmerited favor and graciousness is the natural outgrowth.

We want to be people who cover the falls of other with love, put away judgment on others’ mistakes, and are known for encouragement, not disparagement.

These attitudes and actions are developed until they are the reflex. At first we must consciously choose to respond. The goal is for it to be automatic, but it requires discipline, practice, and prayer. We won’t naturally be people of grace.

What if I met the housekeeper for Jascha Heifetz and began a conversation. How stunned I would be if she blurted out, “He is a phony!” I would ask, “What do you mean, a phony?” “You just see him on the stage in concerts, but I see him at home. It looks so easy when he is performing, but I know better. He doesn’t play at home like he does in the concert hall – not at all. He plays with music, and spends hours going over and over the same notes. It sounds like work, not like the concert. If you saw him at home you would see he shows one person at home and another on stage.” Wouldn’t we want to say to her, “That practice is why he makes it looks so effortless on stage. He is certainly talented, but the greatness is in the practice.”

When we see Christians who show grace with such poise it seems like they were just born like that, doesn’t it? If you get to know them you will see years of practice. You will see Bible study, hours with other mature Christians, and prayer. They wanted to grow in grace and knew it didn’t come without the conscious decision and commitment to maturity.

Because of our fallen nature and our broken world graciousness needs to be practiced diligently with systematic consistently. We don’t wake up one morning and automatically become gracious – it comes with a decision and a cost.

When I was young I thought of qualities I wanted in my life. Graciousness was one. I thought of a man who personified it, so I asked for his photograph. I framed it, wrote “Gracious” on the picture and hung it on my wall. It was a reminder of what graciousness looked like in real life.

This week think about: 1) Who exemplifies graciousness to me? 2) How am I preparing to reflect grace? 3) What qualities do I want in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We don’t wake up one morning and automatically become gracious – it comes with a decision and a cost.”

Wisdom from the Word: “(May) The LORD make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; (Numbers 6:25 NET Bible)

Way to the Will

Weekly Thought – February 14, 2023

Fred answered questions with questions. Long before consultants helped corporations train their employees to find “the question behind the question” Fred mentored through his querying style. One of the questions most frequently asked of him was “How can I know what to do with my life?” This week’s excerpt from an interview gives insight into the answering through questioning process.

Way to the Will

A young man came to talk about one of his fears: not living up to his potential. He wanted to talk about finding his path in order to maximize his talents, skills, and gifts. Here is a recap of our conversation.

“When you say fulfilling your potential, there’s no way all of us can do everything that we are capable of doing. The human being has the capacity to do far more than we will ever have the time or energy to complete. This shortfall is why it is critical to have a vision for our lives. That is why we have a focus.

We need to look at all our opportunities and decide where my greatest contribution is to be made.

You, like other young people, often say “What can of job should I get?” I never say “find the one that pays the most money.” Let me ask you a few questions:

1)What do you do with the greatest ease?
2) What do you feel good when you do it?
3) How can you make the greatest contribution to others?
4) What subject do you learn with the least difficulty?
5) When you aren’t thinking about anything specifically where does your mind wander?
6) Where does your mind live?
7) What gives you pleasure?”

After introducing these questions (especially the final two) I always wait a moment because young men will invariably make a funny (even silly) remark. I laugh, so they laugh. If I don’t share the humor they will close up and the conversation won’t continue.

When we get through that successfully they usually continue with “This is what I feel has meaning. This is what I do best. This is what my friends tell me I do well.” Getting to this point is the beginning of a healthy, substantive time.
I do not assume the role of guru; my goal is to stretch them. They will find the way to God’s will by asking questions. Asking them question they want to answer opens the door.

This week think about: 1) What questions am I asking myself? 2) How can I be helpful to others who are thinking about purpose? 3) Who models question-asking for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I do not assume the role of guru; my goal is to stretch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “While the Pharisees were assembled, Jesus asked them a question:” (Matthew 22:41 NET Bible)

«‹19 20 21 22 23 ›»